EP350: Are You The Bottleneck in Your Life?? How To Use The Enneagram Break Out Of Being Stuck

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey. Hey. Welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. And today we are talking about something I know is affecting you. I'm hearing this a lot, and it's happening to me a lot, where we become the bottleneck in our life. And if you know what a bottleneck is, it's like everything's kind of trying to go all at once and then all of a sudden like it gets narrow and narrow and you can't jam as much in there and everything comes to a halt. And I wanted to talk about this topic because. Especially where the Enneagram is related and how it can help you not be the bottleneck in your life. And I'm not just talking about professionally. This also shows up in your personal life too. And I'll give you myself for an example because this is very relevant. And this is also why understanding your Enneagram type can really help with this. Because we can know can frustrate us. We can maybe Judge ourselves, shame ourselves, numb ourselves, whatever that looks like. And if we don't know what to do when this is happen happening, it has this compound effect and that cycle continues and shit just goes sideways. So I wanted to kind of share with you how this kind of thing comes up for me personally and professionally, and how it applies to you as well, and how this can really, really help you get unstuck. Right? Especially when you're doing really cool things or you're really excited about things in your life. Whether it's getting into a relationship, whether it's, you know, going all in on your business, whether it's putting yourself in rooms that scare you, or looking for friendships that actually can hold the space for you, all of this is very exciting. And subconsciously, or even consciously, we become our own bottleneck, blocking all of those very things from happening for our lives. So I'll start with personal first for my life as an enneagram 8. Being betrayed, violated, or put in a vulnerable situation is worst case scenario for an enneagram 8. It might be that for you as well, like something that you don't enjoy, like who freaking would enjoy that? But specifically, it is the biggest fear of the enneagram 8. And I was talking to a client last week who she was very excited. She hasn't dated in a long time and she's wanting to put herself out there and she's an enneagram9. So it's a little bit differently. But I was able to kind of show her where she might bottleneck herself when it comes to this. For, you know, I was head down being strong in all areas of my life because that's the love language of an Enneagram 8. That's the measuring stick an Enneagram 8 uses is being strong and independent and autonomous. Even though the desires of my heart were to be in a very loving relationship for a long, long time, I opted for being strong versus that vulnerable spot, which is the fear of the enneagram 8. And although I was saying one thing, my energy and my actions weren't backing that up. And then we get frustrated and sometimes we can turn that inward and blame and judge ourselves, or we can project or we can just be resentful, right? And so when I recognized for myself this was my bottleneck in that relationship, I kind of had to shift. And even though, like the biggest fear is very valid and that's not necessarily going to go away, how I manage that fear in a reframe, in a vulnerable conversation, with speaking to the inner child of of me who got that reinforced over and over and over again that being vulnerable and being put in that situation is terrible. Right. Like my grown up self knows that that's not accurate. But the younger part of me was bottlenecking it. Right? And so being able to shift out of that. Now professionally, this is a little more current because I've been in a relationship for about and that's going fine and it's still really vulnerable and it's still really scary. But I don't bottleneck that situation anymore. Now business. I have a very great business. I have a couple businesses, but like this one, that you're part of this personal brand and the Enneagram girl and being the go to leadership and performance expert, bringing the tool of the Enneagram in super successful mostly by word of mouth, thank goodness. Like that also is something that I pride myself on, on a very stellar reputation that once I'm in front of people like the word spreads like I'm the best kept secret is basically what I've been told like, and that needs to stop. Right? And although my conscious brain and everything about my business strategist savviness, like I know how to scale fricking businesses, I help many of you do it. I'm a hell of a strategist for you. And I am a hell of a strategist for me. But again, going to the fear of being betrayed, violated, put in a vulnerable situation for an enneagram8. Whoa. In order to scale a business, you need help. You need a lot of it, right? Very vulnerable, very high chance of betrayal or violation. In fact, I've had it happen, right? So I still recognize from the neck up, like that isn't reality. That isn't reality. But energetically in my actions, absolutely we're blocking the blessings. And so unbottlenecking myself and leaning into, you know, some vetted people. I vet people very strongly before they're in my life and shared that like instead of just saying I'm not doing this or I should do this or I gotta do this, you know, the. The thing that we kind of say to ourselves and to impress people or to let them know we're not a complete flake, instead of doing that, which I've done before, instead I said and I exposed the fear, I exposed the vulnerability and to the trusted people that not only love me and love what I do and believe in what I do and don't want me to be the best secret and actually have skills that I am very not great at instead of Just shooting myself and saying all the things that I need to be doing. Instead, I approached them with vulnerability. I said things like, I realize that I've made this very difficult for you to help me. And part of me, maybe consciously or not, was testing you, but more, more so I'm terrified of being betrayed or pulling back the curtain and that you might see things that maybe has you think less of me or don't think I'm as strong as maybe you have thought. And holy shit, was that really hard to do. But also, like 150 pound weight flew off of my freaking chest. And you know what I got? I got resounding amounts of I see you, I get you. You are strong, you are amazing, and you need my help, and I want to help you. And oh, my goodness. Immediately, unbottlenecked. Immediately more business started flowing in. Immediately I slept better. Immediately my digestive system started to move along a little bit better. And so for you, how does this apply to you? Right? Like if you might not be an enneagram 8, and even if you are an enneagram 8, you still might operate a little bit differently. And I can help you do that, right? But you first got to understand what motivates you and what your biggest fear is. And this is the gift of the Enneagram is I don't care what's happening in my life. If I reverse engineer, always comes back to, I'm motivated by being strong and independent and autonomous. And two, my biggest fear is being betrayed, violated, and put in a vulnerable situation. Now, if you're an Enneagram one, that might look a little bit different, right? Where you might bottleneck yourself, is that perfectionism, right? Because your biggest fear is not being good or being righteous. And so that perfectionism is guarding that biggest fear from being exposed, right? Because, hey, newsflash, you can't be perfect. It's impossible. But that enneagram1 will bottleneck themselves and hold themselves back personally and professionally every time. For an enneagram2, being loved and being appreciated is the motive, right? The biggest fear is not being loved and appreciated or worthy. Right? And so you can see where that over giving people, pleasing, over yes. Ing yourself, codependency might be the bottleneck in your life. And knowing how to shift out of that without the shame stick, right? Or the judgment can be very valuable and also very valuable to your health, right? For Enneagram threes, their bottleneck is being, you know, wanting to be the best at everything they do. That's not a bad thing. But when it's coming from the biggest fear, that if they're not the best, they're the absolute worst. That's a problem, right? And so this, this focus on the goal line all the time instead of the soul line will have them burning out their bodies, their relationships, have them getting to the finish line and not feeling anything. And so they're chasing a high that they have not achieved yet. Definitely can throw shit for a loop. Per Enneagram Fours biggest fear is not being valid or authentic or relevant, right? So they can go down the big dark hole of trying to figure out who they are. That's their biggest fear. And so, you know, being significant in that way can have them quitting before a miracle happens or comparisonitis or envy and thinking something's missing in them definitely can hold up an enneagram 4 from doing the great things in the world that they are meant to do. For an Enneagram 5, how a bottleneck can look is, I need more intel. I need more intel. I need more intel. Give me all the information. Paralyze. Paralyze much that can happen for an enneagram5. So knowing how to have a healthy level of being prepared and capable and the proper information, there's a fine line between that and becoming so overwhelmed and inundated with information. For enneagram6, their biggest fear is being blindsided. They're motivated by a need for certainty that they are prepared and have all the information to be strategic in not being blindsided, right? So the bottleneck in their life can be. Can look like too many questions or in it, like incessant questioning. And even if they get all the answers, they still don't believe that they have all the right information to troubleshoot a situation. It can also really affect their personal relationships. They can end up in a fear spiral or an anxiety tornado and nothing good happens in there, right? And so recognizing where this healthy need for certainty, where we've also crossed the line into unreasonable fear and anxiety so that they don't pigeonhole themselves and put themselves in a corner and burn out their relationships. Because if you're in a relationship with an enneagram 6 and they're incessant with their questioning, it can be like the deal breaker in. In a relationship. For Enneagram Sevens, you know, their biggest fear is having no options open. They want all the options. And sometimes they bottleneck themselves by taking on too much and. And the FOMO gets the best of them and they're like, yeah, I want to do it all. I want to do it all and. And then their excitement wears off, and then they're stuck with the consequences of having to do some of the things that they didn't want to, whether it's personal or professional. Right? And so recognizing like, yes, I'm excited about this in the right now, but let's forward think a little bit. Or who or what do I need to have in place in order for this to happen? And if so, is that still exciting to me? Right. That question alone can unbottleneck an enneagram 7. I already talked about the Enneagram Eights. You know, asking yourself, like, who do I need to have around me? Who do I trust? And even if that list is very small, you can start looking now, right, for an enneagram 9. The bottleneck can be that need for harmony. They're motivated by harmony, and their biggest fear is conflict. You can see where that can cause some problems. Now, there is a healthy place for harmony, and then there's the dysfunctional place and the discernment that is needed for all the Enneagram types and understanding what is a healthy superpower or where is this becoming the Kryptonite in your life? And I guarantee, if you are bottlenecked personally or professionally or both, or in your health or in your friendships or whatever that looks like for you, chances are you're trying to guard that fear like your life depends on it. And I understand, you know, this is where nature and nurture kind of come in with the Enneagram. You know, you're wired this way, especially when these. These fears and these motives are operating not in the healthiest place. This is where, you know, the environment or situations have reinforced the unhealthy fear, or where this motive becomes the Kryptonite in your life. And we have to recalibrate and reassess the measuring stick in which we are. We are operating in, because we can know it up in our head. We really, really can. But when we have bypassed our intuition and our nervous system and the ultimate vessel of the body, these parts of our personality do become the Kryptonite in our life. And so using the framework of the Enneagram, you can really pinpoint where this is rooted. Now, you might have to do a little digging in order to get to seeing, oh, this is what's happening right now. And take your time. And for some of you, you may not want to slow down, or if you're like me, you may not want to be in the harder feelings or the vulnerable feelings, or some of you might just opt to Numb out instead. But you're going to create a bigger, bigger bottleneck with the framework of the Enneagram, when we can pause and recognize what is really here, what is going on here, and what fear is being activated, that is causing me to slow down the entire process, whether it's personally or professionally or both. And when you can look at that through the lens of compassion and empathy and grace and kindness and love and innocence, you are able to unstuck yourself and unbottleneck parts of your life. Now, you may have conditioned the people in your life, and you may have people in your life that help you stay bottlenecked, right? We teach people how to treat us and we get what we tolerate. And so if you don't have a solid foundation, like I do of people in your life and or that maybe you brought these people or have these people in your life from a time when you weren't so healthy and you've been on this growth journey and you realize that the people in your life might not be so supportive of this unbottlenecking. It's not my job to take your inventory unless you hire me. I can help you figure out what your inventory is, but you might have to take inventory of who and what is in your life. And then you got to do some hard things, right? Nobody said this was easy. But with the tool of the Enneagram, honestly, it can take a lot of the emotional charge out of it, even when it feels vulnerable or scary or shame comes or, you know, the anger hits. Seriously, this framework can allow you to kind of sift through the surface level stuff and get to the root of it so that you can get on your way with living this life personally and professionally that you so desire. So what do you do? First and foremost, you got to know your correct Enneagram type. If you've taken an online assessment, they're inaccurate 65 to 70% of the time. I'm telling you right now, I've been using this tool in my life and helping millions of people with it. At this point, between coaching, podcast speaking, all the things, and it is the number one tool. It's one that keeps me me rooted in my intuition and my nervous system and my faith. Quite honestly, it helps keep me without all the world getting in the way. So getting accurately typed is going to be really, really important. And my assessment that I have available to you with your customized blueprint will give you the right information and so you can know moving forward what your core motive is, what your core fear is, what the framework is attached to you so that you have an understanding of what the tools are in your toolbox to help you get unbottlene. You can do that go to the website traceyomalley.com or the link in my bio on Instagram at tracyomalley. Definitely a huge, beautiful investment. And then you can come back to the podcast and know exactly what type you are without any second guessing. My assessment's over 95% accurate and I've done thousands of them, so you can go there if you want more of a personalized approach, you have two other options. I can do an individual power session with you for 90 minutes. It's like 10 years of therapy is what I've been told several times, because I help you clear the clutter and boy, is it eye opening. But then you got to do something about it. But if you are raising your hand and saying, I am tired of this bottleneck, I am tired of feeling stuck, I know better. Why am I not doing better? That option might be for you if, you know you got a lot of clutter like I did at the age of 40, you know, almost 12 years ago. And you know, like getting through 40 years or however many years of clutter and wreckage and conditioning might be a little more challenging than. I am reopening up applications for my one on one private coaching starting in July. I'm still booked through June, but in July I will be opening up more applications. So if you want me in your back pocket every single day to help you navigate this, make sense of it, integrate it, and unbottleneck yourself personally and professionally, then fill out an application. It is an investment. It is very vulnerable. It is, holy shit, accelerated transformation. It's the master's program. So if you want to dive into that, please do. All of this information is in my website, traceyomalley.com the work with me section. I guarantee that staying bottlenecked only creates more frustration. You know, we're not guaranteed tomorrow and it's easy to say that and we can understand that. And I've had people that I love very, very dearly that passed away quite suddenly and all of them would have died for a little more time to do some more stuff in the world. And we can say that we want to do more and time's not promised and all the things. And that's very real. It's very, very real. And even knowing this and experiencing this firsthand with people I love very dearly, I still get bottlenecked from time to time. And so having this framework can Help you get unstuck. Having some guidance in this beautiful information so that you can integrate it and you know, knock things off in the course of this journey. Because I don't care how much personal development you do. New levels bring new devils, baby. And new levels of vulnerability will have those that armor come up and those most scary parts of who we are. All that armor will come, you think to protect you, but it'll actually bottleneck you. So I can help you armor up in the right way and make sense of it all. So that you can do what you're called here to do. So you can be loved the way that you desire and deserved. So you can have the support in your life. So you can be living vitality like next level at whatever age you are, even if you're over 50 like me. But you're going to have to have a beautiful, compassionate understanding of who you are. And you're going to have to know how to integrate all of this information. Just knowing your Enneagram type is just the beginning. But let me help you get started with that right information. I am honored as always to help you on this journey of self discovery. So you can do everything in this life that you were called to do. So you can make the impact that you were made to in your home team and in your professional teams. And so that you can actually live your best life. So that no matter when the time on earth for you is done, you can know that you squeezed every last bit of juice out of it. And you can feel really damn good about it. This is my life's work. This is what I knew eventually I would be doing. Not necessarily with the tool of the Enneagram, but you know, this is when I was a little girl trying to make sense of why things were going the way that they were going. And the divine download was like, this is all going to matter for something. So I love that, you know, full circle, all the hard things that have happened in my life and then, you know, stumbling upon and going kicking and screaming into the enneagram almost 12 years ago has allowed me to guide millions of you on your own journey. And I would be honored to continue to do that with you. Whether it's for you individually, for your teams, for your home teams, for your families, for your couple, for partner, whatever that looks like. Know that the tool of the Enneagram can be a beautiful, beautiful way to get unstuck in every area of your life. Until next time, you guys. We'll see you in a few days.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram @tracee_o'. Malley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.