EP366: Unleashing Your Inner MVP: Are You Playing for Others or Yourself

Well, if you're here for the vulnerability and real talk and no bullshit, the episode ahead is one for you. If you read the title of this episode about asking yourself if you are the MVP for yourself or for others and holy crap. This is one of the most vulnerable shares that I've ever taken you through and taken myself through. And not only is it in real time and real fresh, it is in current ongoing season. I'm not a big fan of this era, to be honest with you, because even though I'm fully aware from the neck up that more will be revealed, there is something beautiful in this.

This will grow me.

This will allow me to make a bigger impact and bigger income and all the things from the neck up, I understand it from the neck down. This is a real, real gutting kind of feeling. And I really want you to know that we can understand and do all this personal development work. And unless we allow ourselves to take the grieving process, whatever that looks like, whether it's a prior version of yourself, your old life, situations, anything, unless we allow ourselves to feel and find compassion for ourselves, that's when the stuck cycle continues. And I wanted to share a very vulnerable, real talk, real time situation that I know not only will grow me, but help me grow you too. So I thought I might have even deleted it, but I decided to let it rip. So dive right in you guys, and let me know what you think.

Okay?

I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it, so here you are. But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professionally. Hi, I'm Tracy and to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool, I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you in implement this into your life.

Instead of it just being some Fun.

Thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model, but with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective, and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships.

So now let's dive in.

All right, here we go. I.

I don't even know where this is going to go. I'm feeling incredibly emotional.

You know, I share with you so much.

Usually after the fact, you know, but this is kind of a real time vulnerable moment. I may or may not even share it. I may not post this podcast episode, but I have a feeling that just like anything in life, we go through what we need to go through so that we can grow ourselves and then impact other people. And if you read the title of the show, this episode about being the MVP.

In your own life, or are you trying to win the MVP in every other person's life and, you know, a little story time for you. Like I said, I don't know how emotional I'm gonna get, but here we are. Last week, I was at my mastermind that I'm part of. It's incredible. It's my sixth year in it. It is high level people, high level guests, high level everything. And I love that because I don't want to be the smartest person in the room. I never do. And especially the last two years in this group, I have still stepped into my gifts and proclaimed them and been bold with them within the group. And, you know, the last two years, I felt like my value was felt and I freely give my value and my gifts without expectation of anything in return. I really, really do. And that's the beautiful thing that you know, when you grow yourself and you understand your motive behind everything you do, you can discern whether or not you're doing from, you know, love, compassion, empathy, grace, service or fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt, or ego. And.

I love doing what I do and I love using my gifts to help other people, especially high level people that are doing really incredible things in the world. That being said, I had this huge epiphany holy moment that kind of brings me to this conversation today. So the last few years at the, I think every year at the end of the year and the end of our in person.

Retreats that we have throughout the year, the entire group votes on the year's mvp. And I never ever think about it. I never ever do. And this year I did towards the end, like, I didn't think of it until like about a month out. I'm like, you know what I think? I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna be the mvp. I know that I have going above and beyond giving for free all the things nobody asked me to, but I, you know, did. And a long story short, I didn't get the mvp. Two of my well deserving, well earned friends got it and they deserved it. I'm going to say that. But the, the moral of this story is, and the point of this story is, is in the middle of it, when my name wasn't the one said.

I had a few minutes of pure anger, not at anybody, I wasn't projecting it, I wasn't feeling. But I was like, how the fuck did I not win? And when we're angry or triggered, you know, anger is a beautiful, healthy emotion when you know what to do with it. And most of my life I haven't, right? I would have gone into projection, judgment, shame, you name it, criticism of other people. And I remember when it happened and like the two friends that got it and deserve it, like, I couldn't be happier for. And they absolutely are MVPs in my book. Like, they're incredible and have poured into me, quite honestly, like in ways that like, they are MVPs.

And I went to the bathroom and I caught myself. I'm like, okay, what is this really about? Like, you gave so freely and you had, whether you were conscious of it or not, an expectation. And the thing is, I know in that moment, especially as things got pretty scary this year, things got scary and I felt weak in a lot of areas of my life and I got more vulnerable. Even though I'm very aware that I'm getting more vulnerable, I also recognize that when I do that, I'm going to compensate. I'm going to try to compensate somewhere else to make me feel strong. And even though I would do what I did over and over again for every single person in that group that I did.

I would, I would. But I didn't even realize I had an expectation. I was highly involved, but I had a high expectation. And when that happens, this is kind of the breakdown moment. Now here's the beauty of a breakdown. Breakdowns lead to breakthroughs. And I'm going to talk to you about why it's like, why discernment and why understanding and self awareness and self acknowledgment and compassionate effective action are really, really important to this part of the journey. Because in the past this could have taken me down a very scary road for a long period of time. Literally this moment.

Lasted from the time it took me to the walk to the bathroom into the time it took me to walk out. That's how fast I was able to.

Recognize what was happening. Now it takes a little longer to reconcile this and have compassion and grieve and do all the things. It's one thing to cognitively understand in our head and make sense of it. It's another thing to feel the feelings so that you can heal, transform, get to acceptance and break cycles. Right. So I wanted to share with you guys and I'm out walking right now. This is not my typical kind of way that I record. I'm going to do more of this because I think this is where I'm my most true with myself. I'm most connected to God and a higher power and to you guys. Like you are why I do this. Like I would have died for something like this back 15 years ago when I was entertaining this journey. So what does it mean to be your own mvp? And you know, this happened only a few days ago, so it's still pretty raw. But since then I recognize what was happening subconsciously. This stuff like the body keeps a score and the body never forgets. And when I had been feeling weak and vulnerable in other areas, my overcompensation of it was very sneaky, like I said. And I'm meeting it with compassion, not judgment. And in the meantime, I have reached out to very trusted people that I know can not only use and facilitate gifts, their gifts in my life, but also allows me to feel deeper connection and intimacy with humans. And you know, when we find ourselves isolated or acting out in numbing behaviors or self sabotage behaviors, it's usually because we have a lack of connection with a divine source and also with people that are here on our journey with us. So, you know, I've been really evaluating what it means to be my own MVP and actually even more transparency. I had a moment this morning.

I'm not going to get into the details of it, but with one of my kids where I was working so hard again subconsciously to be the MVP in their lives, that.

I failed one of my kids in a way that I am not happy about. And it's a costly mistake. Right? Again, innocently not intended subconsciously, but this has been a pattern, especially the last few months as I'm working through and going through Some vulnerable stuff that is allowing me to grow to the next level, right? So being the own and being the own, your own MVP in your life. You know, we hear about, you know, MVP in sports.

You know, I, I grew up in Chicago. So like Michael Jordan, MVP status, like MVP doesn't necessarily always mean the award or getting the recognition. And I'm not recognition driven, right? I'm not, I'm not like, oh my God, you're the best. But I am driven by being strong, right? As an enneagram 8, that's what motivates everything I do is being strong and powerful and the rock, right? And so like I said, this was a little sneaky on me, but how about. But what does it mean to be about the MVP in the game of life, right? Being your own MVP is about embracing your unique value, your purpose and your true self. And without conditions, right? The fact of the matter is, is I know how fucking valuable I am to the group in the mastermind. I do, I do. And I don't need anybody to tell me that. And I don't need to go above and beyond, give everything away for the free, max out my calendar to do those things in order to know my purpose and my values, my true self. I know this. And I didn't need anybody to vote for me to know that either, right? But I lost along the way. And I didn't realize it happened until, you know, that triggering moment, right? So the pitfalls of playing for other people are exactly kind of what played out in me. Resentment, Costly mistakes. Like when it came to one of my kids today, costly mistakes in, you know, doing all this stuff with this underlying unintended motive. Maxed out my calendar. So I was tired, I was energetically bankrupt from doing that, that I couldn't create more content that was valuable to all of you, in my opinion. My podcast had been flat because of that too, because I was exhausting myself even though I could show up and do all the things that I do for my clients and these. Right? Amazing. It also creates when you are trying to win the MVP award for everyone else in your life, codependency can kick in. And it was, you know, not in the group, so to speak, but like, when I think about the situation that happened with one of my kids today, like, because I am so solidified in their eyes as like the wise One and the Rock, that they trust me blindly sometimes without trusting their own intuition to make decisions or they don't question things as much as maybe they should sometimes. So recognizing like, holy Shit. The cost of playing MVP for others all the time.

It's common to seek validation of some sort and approval. Not necessarily in like, oh my God, you're the best way, but being loved and appreciated, being seen as the rock, being wise, being valuable, being harmonious, being easy to work with. But when we rely on that validation from other people, places and things and not our true honoring self for our self worth, for our value, we can lose sight of our true calling. And like, thankfully, I love what I do. I love it so much. And I'm tired and I'm tired. And so I know this cocoon season. My good friend Aisha, she has a podcast called Butterfly Season. Ironically, she is one of the CO MVPs as well.

You know, I have been in a cocoon season. I have, and this kind of was my eruption out of it this last week. So another thing we need to do when we're discerning whether we're trying to be the MVP in our life or the lives of others, is to embrace your calling and understand the true value that you bring to the table with unwavering, unconditional faith, right? And taking obvious action like unconditional commitment, having unwavering faith, and also understanding what value that you actually bring to the table. Now, if you're in a place that maybe you don't know your value yet, you've got work to do. I have work to do. And I understand my value. So, you know, I. I've said this before. Like, our work, our inner work is not done until we're done here on Earth, right? And new levels bring up new devils that will try to distract you from your true calling, right? What can't destroy you will distract you, right? And so embracing your calling and you know, I have leaned in heavy over the last few days. I haven't really had this conversation with anyone. So, you know, you guys are the first to hear it. And I'm feeling super, super vulnerable, hoping, like, nobody judges me for it. Like, even though I know my true intent and my true heart here, you know, I'm still human like you. So embracing my calling and over the last four or five days, I really, really have been and leaning into people. But how do you do that? You may not know what your calling is. You may not know, like, what your true gifts are. And that's why I love the Enneagram. I'm so passionate about about it. And I've said this before to you guys, like, the very thing that is my fucking superpower is also my Kryptonite Right? And that's true for all of you, you know? And you know why understanding your Enneagram type and having the proper information is so key. Like, because I know myself so well, and even though this was sneaky and I didn't, like, feel it and it was subconscious, the minute I felt the trigger of anger and the trigger in my body and the resentment kick in, I was like, okay, where is this at? Where is this coming from? And because the Enneagram provides this roadmap back to my soul, it was way easier to understand that. Now, the very thing that was just my Kryptonite, this, like, wanting to be the rock for everyone, you know, the reason it was Kryptonite is because subconsciously, I was clearly doing it from a place of fear or insecurity, maybe even some unworthiness, shame, guilt, or ego or a few of them. Right now, I can flip that same thing. That same being a rock for people. With my clients, with my kids, with my friends, with my partner, with anybody in my life, the same thing that just tried to take me out is the very thing that people pay me multiple, multiple thousands of dollars for. And when it is my superpowers, it's coming from love, compassion, empathy, service, and grace. And the same is true for you. And if you are somebody who feels stuck or unsure of who you are and what you're calling, what your gifts are, this is why, like, getting the blueprint and getting the right information can help streamline this process for you a little faster. Now, how do we overcome this? Like. Like I said, you know, we don't check a box and say, my inner work is done. I've done my inner child. I've done breath work. I've done this. I've done somatic healing. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. All really, really important. And I've done a lot of that the last few weeks, which is probably why this came to a head, right? And understanding that as we raise our hand and say, I want to be the best version of myself on any given day, I want to go next level in my health, in my integrity, in my bank account, in my business, in my relationships, to whom much is given, much is required, and with great reward comes a huge responsibility to always be willing to take a look at yourself with compassion, with honesty, with a willingness to say, ah, there it is. But if you don't know why it's happening or what may have caused it, this is usually where the shame spirals come. This is where addiction kicks in. This is where we Go to compensatory strategies like drinking and sex and.

Things that, you know, we can get outside validation and so scrolling and isolate, like, you name it, right? But we can overcome when life happens and that next level is showing up at your door, you can bank on when next level is showing up in your door. This shit's right with it. And so although I really hate that this is where I'm at right this moment, I hate it. It does not feel good. It does not feel good whatsoever. It doesn't feel like, oh, my God, like I'm going to understand. More will be revealed. I know all this from my neck up, and that's true. And I have enough wisdom in 51 and a half years to know that that's all true. And it feels like fucking terrible when you're in the middle of it. From the neck down, it feels like a death. It feels like a death. And this is why all that work is really important. And we have to continue to raise our hand and say, this is what I need to grow. So some of these obstacles that can come up and how do you know if it's an obstacle or how do you discern that, okay, this is me doing something outside of myself? Sometimes you don't know. Sometimes it's so damn sneaky. And what I'll usually say, for those of you that have done a lot of more, a lot more of the inner work is, you know, the higher up you're going, the sneakier it can get. It's cunning. It's baffling and powerful. That's what something I learned when I was in rehab, when I was understanding, like, the power of addiction and just, you know, the lack of connection to a divine source is, you know, that disconnect is where we can't always discern the truth. We can justify our bullshit. We can try to rationalize why we do what we do. We can project, we can judge ourselves. We can do all sorts of things that can fit into a narrative that we think is for a divine calling. And even when you're somebody like me who has done and fuck teaches this shit, I'm not immune to it because I'm constantly raising my hand and saying, I'm here for whatever you have for me. You know, the calling on my life I know is big, and it comes with a great responsibility. And that means I'm going to get kicked in the teeth from time to time, too. But the Enneagram is something that really streamlines my inner work process. I do somatic work. I do Move things through and out of my body. But before I can even recognize what's happening, sometimes before I can even get to that, I have to like, make sense of this. And that's where the journey with the Enneagram for you can really, really help. Seriously, for that experience to happen within minutes on Friday or Thursday, whenever that happened. And then this morning with one of my kids, like, I. As shitty as the situation is, and as hard as the conversation I had was with one of my kids, I have never been more proud of myself as a parent because I broke a pattern. I did. In the moment when, you know, it was getting heated. Not only did my child break a pattern, but I did too. And even though it may not turn out the way we want it to, the situation that happened, the way that we handled it was fucking epic. And you know, we hear the quote, you know, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. No joke. And the Enneagram can help you that while you're in that 90% of how you respond to it, kind of handle it with grace, class, clarity, growth.

And wisdom. And wisdom. You know, nothing changes if nothing changes. And like I said, I'm not proud of even having those feelings. Even though I'm a human being and, and I'm here sharing it with you, I'm not proud of it. But I'm also wouldn't. I also wouldn't trade it for anything. Even though I haven't seen the other side of the, the, the gift of this, the more will be revealed. As far as the MVP thing.

For other people in my life, even though it was subconscious, nothing changes if nothing changes. And something that changed today was I picked up the 500 pound phone and I started leaning in to trusted people in my life. And if you don't have that, I get it. Because I've been in places in my life where I was the strongest, smartest person in the room and prided myself on that. And it locked me behind titanium walls. And that didn't help me, and it won't help you either. So if you're not sure, you know, and you don't have the support around you, that's why really getting a guide can help you too. I've had incredible mentors and guides and therapists and people in my life to kind of blaze the trail and light the path for me. Even though I took a very different path from any of those people. Before I could really do this for myself, I needed to lean in and get vulnerable. I Have a few private spots open for my VIP private coaching. I know some of you can't stand when I sell myself on here, but like, seriously, I am definitely one of those people and mentors that is a real fucking deal that walks her damn talk, that's for sure. And in real time, I'm sharing it with you. And I share a lot of more real stuff with my clients. If you have been called to work with a mentor or you've been burned by one, now's the time. This is the time of year where shit hits the fan, which is no surprise to me that this is coming up for me as well. All the things, your blueprint, getting the accurate enneagram information so that you can actually.

Not bypass any of this, but accelerate your growth and accelerate the time that sometimes we might sabotage or blow up our lives. All that stuff's@traceeomalley.com I'm not going to harp on it too much because I'm feeling super raw right now. I'm out of breath because I'm walking and everything in my body is sweating sharing this all with you. But I think that there's nothing wrong with being a champion in other people's lives. There isn't. And I'm very proud of.

The role that I've played in many people's journey. And to a lot of people, I know how valuable I am in their life and in their journey, personally and professionally. So I'm not saying that that's a bad thing, but when we make it about that, and sometimes it'll be sneaky like it was for me, when we make it only about that, the consequences are too big. The consequences are too big and you may not be able to catch it as fast as I did, but you can. You can learn how to. It's like building a muscle. And you just have to be consistent and unconditionally committed to that process. And I'd be honored to not only know the way and go the way, but show you the way as well. So I'm so grateful that you guys tune in that you show up. Honestly.

It'S. There's something very rewarding. I remember when I was nine years old and, you know, I was trying to make sense of why my life was as hard as it was. And, you know, I got a very clear message from God that like, this is going to be used for something very beautiful. Not just for myself and the life that I would create, but for other people. And I know many of you that listen to this show feel that for your life as well. And some of this sneaky stuff gets in the way. And I'm just really grateful that you trust me with your journey, whatever that looks like. Whether it's just your time listening or it's spending time and purchasing a product that I sell, or spending time with me in a one on one session or for a longer period of time, or bringing me into your teams or your families, I don't take that lightly. And I'm just so grateful that.

You tell me that this benefits you. Because although I see how this will benefit my life in some way, this lesson, this hard, hard lesson, it's even better when I can share it with you. And it can help you too. So as always, I'm wishing you so much love and transformation. Thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next week.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast.

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This show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple Tree podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at trormali. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracy omalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level.

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