EP374: Putting the blinders on and owning the uniqueness in YOU with Jadyn Walden (Enneagram 4)

If you are someone that has taken one of those online Enneagram assessments and you've had friends or people in your life, or maybe you've even heard a podcast on the Enneagram and you go and take it and it's like, yeah, I just don't get it, or this doesn't land or whatever. This was cool. But what the hell is in this for me? This episode is for you. Our guest on the Enneagram hotline today is Jaden. She is so, so beautiful, inside and out. I can't wait for you to see her. When she popped up on my screen, I was like, of course she's an Enneagram for she's got beautiful, lovely, amazing purple hair. And when she decided she had heard me on a podcast interview somewhere else and was like, you know what? I'm going to give this Enneagram thing another try. So she invested in the blueprint that I customize for you that is accurate. And when she got the result of being an enneagram 4, she's like, Ah, this is home. And so today we dive into her Enneagram fourness. We answer a few of the questions. If you know or are or love or lead an enneagram 4, which I'm sure one is in your life, they're one of the most misunderstood and not any enneagram4 is like the other. This is an important episode for you to listen to. And here we go. Dive on in.

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it, so here you are. But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professionally. Hi, I'm Tracy and to be honest with you, my I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership sales teams with one on one clients, couples leading workshops, top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into Your life, instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective, and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of Breaking down Dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career, and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey, Jaden. Hi, you guys. As you just heard on the intro, we've got an enneagram 4 in the house. And ironically, we have the same birthday date, different years. I'm much older than her. I could be her mother, but. But I am gonna totally love this conversation, I think, because Enneagram fours are the least typed on the Enneagram and probably one of the most mistyped on the Enneagram. I think that all of you listening, if you aren't resonating with the Enneagram, if you've taken an online assessment before, like, this is going to make sense. Why so. Hey, Jaden. What's happening, girl?

Hello. I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

So we've got a list of questions that you had for the hotline and all of that. And, you know, I love what we were talking about before we hit record, you had mentioned that you had taken a few of these online Enneagram things, and it never quite resonated. So you're just like, ah, screw this. I'm moving on. What was it about what you had heard? You had heard me on a podcast of a friend of ours, Lindsay, of Powerhouse Women's Podcast. What was it about that conversation that made you revisit it? Before we get into your questions? Because I think a lot of people have heard of the Enneagram, and then they'll hear me talk about, and they're like, oh, shit, there's. There's more to this than what I thought.

Yeah, I. I remember, like, I remember doing the Enneagram a couple of times, and every time I would do it, it just didn't resonate. And then I read somebody or that somebody was like, you have to really deep dive and understand all the numbers and do all this. And I do a lot of personal work, and I, like, I don't have the mind capacity to just, like, go and dig through to understand. Like, it's. Maybe it's just not for me. And then I listened to you guys talking, and.

Clearly, like, I think that when you listen to anybody that you trust. Like I had been following Lindsay for a while and I feel like she's really stepped into her own and watching her journey evolve. She spoke so highly. But then also she hearing you talk about it from a place of like, no, this is gonna go deeper. Like when we ask you these questions, we. We don't just wanna understand what decisions you're making, but why you're making em like that back handed side of like what your reason behind it is a little bit more. And I just remember being like, you know what? I have nothing to lose. It's not that expensive. I've spent. I'll buy a couple less coffees and let's roll.

When you guys get to see her live. Cause I'll off this podcast. But when I, when she popped up on my screen, I'm like, of course she's an enneagram 4, you know, unique, authentic and true to who she is. She's got beautiful purple hair and just vibrant as all get out. And one of the things that I speak about Enneagram fours is there's not one like the other. Which is obviously they're called the individualist or the romantic, the intense creative in other Enneagram languages. But this uniqueness about them, it's why they are the least typed on the Enneagram and probably one of the mistyped. So if you're somebody that maybe has come up on the Enneagram and you're like, yeah, or it keeps coming up a different one every time. This is, this is her story. So when you got the results from doing my test and the blueprint, which are 95% accurate by the way, you guys, if you want to use this tool, honestly, it's worth the investment to know the right information. So when it popped up in enneagram4 where you're like, oh, damn. Okay, okay.

Yeah, I read through like it popped up and I just started reading. I skipped all the beginning part explaining the Enneagram because I just wanted to know what I was. But as I started reading I was like, oh, like it's okay. It's okay that I don't really want to be like anyone else. It's okay that I've always walked to like this beat of my own drum. Like that's an okay thing. And I just felt like it kind of gave me this permission to be like, this feels good.

Yeah. Have you felt like a lot of fours feel like this? That most of their life you're 35 years old and most fours Report back to me that most of their life, they have felt misunderstood. Is that true for you?

Yeah. And it's really hard to understand yourself when you feel like no one around you looks like you or, like, thinks like you. That all of a sudden, I had a really great mom who gave me a lot of really great tools. But if I still always just, like. If you said that I should go this way, I'm like, but why? Like, what if we just, like, went a little bit that way?

Yeah. I was raised with an enneagram4two. And I wish I'd known this information before because I so harshly judged her, because I thought, like, oh, you're just doing it to be disrespectful or argumentative. Or if I say black, you're going to say white automatically and, you know, have a little more compassion. And ironically, ending up dating a four. Now, I see this very, very clearly. And one of your gifts. You have many gifts, honestly. You're the most intuitive on the Enneagram as a four, the most empathetic. You feel everything. That is your superpower. But as you, I'm sure, can attest, also, you're kryptonite. Right. You do feel everything. And in the world we live in, you know, an enneagram 4, when they kind of have their blinders on, that's when they're in their magic and they're in their uniqueness and creativity. But the problem for fours, typically, is as they look up and look at the rest of the world and realize how different they are. And a few different things can happen. Either they judge themselves so harshly they will start to compare themselves, or they will try to morph into something to at least feel comfortable in a situation. Or they will isolate themselves so deeply that it can get really, really dark or a combination of all these things. Is any of that or all of that true for you as an enneagram4?

Yeah, for sure. I think that I tried so many ways to, like, fit into the mold. I actually did a couple of fitness competitions.

Yeah. And I went into it with this mindset of, like, I'm gonna grow and evolve from this. And it came to this place where I was like, this isn't what I want people to think is healthy. And that's not the. Like, it's not what I want to be the example of. But I felt like I was searching for this space where I could feel comfortable in my skin. And so I was like, clearly, I just need to get fitter. Or, like, and being able to control my Food, things like that almost became a way for me to feel a little bit more just like, part of the rat race, almost.

Girlfriend. I did that too. Like, it was about 10 years ago. I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna challenge myself. And I got about six weeks into a fitness competition, and I was like, this is actually not good for me. This is not good for me at all. And pulled out. And of course, I wanted to judge myself initially because I'm like, oh, am I just not tough enough? No, it just. It wasn't for me. And one of the things as an Enneagram for one of the main motivators for you is significance. Right? But like, a fitness competition, that isn't how you find your significance. That's more of an note putting anybody in a box or anything. But a lot of Enneagram threes do those things, right? Like, I'm the best. I'm the best. How an enneagram 4 goes about significance is more of an internal job. You want to know that you're unique and aligned with who you were always designed to be. But trying to figure that out in a very loud world can be challenging for you.

Yeah, I remember. I remember being in this phase, this, like, space where part of my purpose for competing was that I wanted to be able to impact the next generation. Like, I wanted them to feel comfortable in who they were, and I needed to, like, give myself status to do that. And I was dieting into my third show, and I was coaching high school volleyball, and one of the head coaches said, oh, we're gonna go support Jaden in her fitness competition. And I was instantly sick. Like, I. No, no, no, no. I can't do this. Like, I can't have them see me. And I called my mom, and I'm like, I'm the most fit I've ever heck. And she's like, what's your purpose for this? And I'm like, to prove that you don't need anyone's validation. She's like, so diet in and diet out. Like, if you don't need anybody's validation, diet in and diet out and prove to yourself you can do it without stepping on that stage. And I thought that that decision was going to be, like, this propelling moment for me. And really, like, it was the dark journey afterwards that was. But I think that that's. That self validation was the journey I really had to go on. It was a harder journey, but I think that was, like, the most important journey for me.

You know, the Enneagram 4 is very creative. And it doesn't necessarily mean artist, writer. It can be comedian, makeup, your hair, whatever that looks like marketing, a marketing brain, you know, anything. I mean, you're a hairstylist, you're a fitness instructor. You have a podcast. Like, you're very creative. And a lot of times, because creativity can be judged, you know, quitting before the miracles happen is something that A4 can be prone to if they're not careful, especially when there's nothing out there that looks like what's in your beautiful, creative brain. Have you quit on things before? Because it just didn't seem to make sense in this big, huge world of ours.

Yeah, I started a few times I wanted to start a podcast for forever, and I just felt like I didn't know what I was doing and. And who's gonna listen to me anyway? And then I also, like, I really wanted to start something. I wanted to inspire the younger generation. I wanted to put together, like, basically something for them to come and learn and grow and evolve in. And I was like, I have nobody. Like, I have no reason to do that. And I couldn't get the traction on Instagram. I was obviously speaking to the wrong audience for so long because I didn't understand that it was okay that nobody understood what I was doing. I just needed to need to do it.

Yeah. That's the thing for fours, typically, is, like, it's not going to make sense. And when you try to conform into an avatar or any kind of structure other than your unique creative brain, it's not going to land the way, because it's not being you. Right. Like, this is full permission to be yourself, which I love. And I love that you've done the podcast now for over a year and over 100 episodes. That is. That is, like, less than 10% of people that start podcasts do that. So. Bravo, girl. I can't wait to listen. Okay, we got some questions from you. What's the first one that you've got?

I have my phone so that I can.

Yay.

Okay. I'm a type 4 imposter syndrome. Tells me.

Tells me that I can't do anything unless it's something I came up with on my own. Like, when I go to create my own things, I.

Don'T want to use what I've learned because I feel like I'm taking from other people.

Yeah, I. You know, it's a great question because I struggle with that too. But, like, you know, it's. There's so much information out there, and none of the stuff that we see is absolutely original for the most part, you know, unless it's somebody's, like, creative writings. And so a lot of times I will do this, and this might be helpful for you too. And I get this as a four. It's like, because that significance of being unique and authentic and true, like, important. And it bothers me too. Even though you and I are motivated differently, I'm like, well, that's weak, you know, because an 8's motivated by being strong. It's like, if I can't come up with my own shit, that means I suck, right? Or I'm weak or. But that's not true. I've had to reframe that, and I still do because I can get ideas from somebody or something that I hear or read or see or whatever. And it's like, okay, what do I feel about that? And I pause for a moment, and you can do the same thing as a four. You know, sometimes you just need something to spark the creativity in you. And what I'll usually say for a four, fours and eights are very similar in this regard. We have a lot of intense energy, right? And when we are creative beings, if we don't move our body or do things like that, it kind of stunts our creativity. And so let yourself read here, ingest something, and then, like, if something is like, oh, I like that. And before you go into creative mode, go take a walk, get outside. You live in Arizona with me, so we got, like, perfect time of year to do this, right? Like, gnaw on that a little bit. Like, let it sink in. Say, oh, I really liked what so and so said or what I read or what I saw. And then let yourself dive in deeper with yourself, especially outside in nature and moving your body because of the energy that enneagram fours have, if you don't move, it becomes stagnant, and it feels like a tourniquet energetically.

Yeah.

Which feels terrible for a four. And then you go darker into your own brain.

Like, you've done 100 podcast episodes. That's not easy to do, right? How did you come up with topics?

So I decided every Monday would be, like, a day to just reconnect with ourselves. So I teach it at the gym. And luckily, mountainside's been so great because they're like, here's your umbrella. Go. And I actually created my own format at the gym because I just wanted to do whatever I wanted to do. And I end every class having everybody come back home to themselves. So we breathe, and then I Have them sit for a minute and just, like, be inside their body. And then I always end with, like, words of affirmation or a quote that I found. And so I decided Mondays would be the day that I posted, just a comeback home. And no matter how your day went, like, redirect your arrow or if it went good, you keep the momentum, but you're checking in. It's like a self check on Monday nights. And then my other day, I just. It was whatever I was hearing a lot of between being behind the chair and being in the gym with so many personalities, I was like, I'm just going to talk about whatever keeps coming up. And some of it was like calling myself on my own crap because of what I reacted to that week that I didn't love and trying to just help people know, like, you're not alone, and you're not the only one who's going through these. These things and just kind of talk from the heart of what I was feeling. And some weeks, it was like, I got nothing, guys, but I'm here and I got nothing to say. So I'm just gonna, like, give you some good little nuggets of have a great day. And my life is a little stagnant at the moment. That's all I got. But I showed up, and that was what mattered.

I remember when I decided I was gonna lead with the Enneagram, right? I've been studying integrating the enneagram for almost 12 years now, right? But I didn't come out publicly with it until about six years ago. And I've been always using it, though, within my business, my personal life, I've always been using it. And I remember when I was rumbling with the idea of coming out, because obviously I didn't invent the Enneagram. I didn't create it on my own. However, I was like, I have a different spin on it than anybody else I've ever heard before, right? And I resisted coming and being the Enneagram Girl because it's so fucking basic, even though it's not the way that I teach it. But, I mean, seriously, this is why I resisted it. I don't want to be known as the Enneagram Girl. And here we are, right? Doing this podcast, and here we are. But I was like, I have a different spin on it, and that's what makes me unique and an authority in this space is my uniqueness. Same thing with you. I mean, you didn't invent doing hair. You didn't invent fitness training, and here you are Doing it your unique way. So if that can help your foreness when it comes to create or coming up with something, you can take something that you witnessed. And because you're such a creative, you will have a different sense spin on it every damn time. So anytime that imposter syndrome comes up for you, as it does for me for the same kind of things, I remember that nobody could be me anyway. And my unique spin is definitely for someone it feels. How does that feel? How does that feel as a good.

I think one of the things that I have, like, I started my podcast as Jaden starts a podcast, super original.

And I remember being like, it was just the only way I could get started. And I was searching for that name. And that's true. Like, eventually I had to just realize that it was like, what you're saying makes so much sense to me that like, it's okay because no matter how it comes out, even if somebody else has the name, even if somebody else is saying the saying, it's never gonna sound the same coming from me. So that, that definitely helps no one.

And that will help not just any gram fours out there, but all of us. Like, seriously, I have to remember that too, because I can get in my own way and quit before the miracles happen too.

So.

But I know, especially for an Enneagram 4, where that drive to be unique and authentic and true and no bullshit and not basic and not fake. I know how. How much of a struggle that can be for a four, but you will always have a very unique spin on everything. We need more force to step into their gifts like you are, whether it's with their voice, their art, their creativity, their heart.

I will say. What was the question? Quickly, I will say, when I read my Enneagram, I remember there being some things I wanted to put on. And it helped me to understand that, like, I had to find something else to look for in the significance. And I couldn't put it into like, who shows up or who's like responding. Just keep being like, weird or different or doing your things. Like, after reading my Enneagram, it kind of gave me the permission to not look for that outside validation to tell me it was on the right path, but to keep following my own inner like, it feels good, it feels right. Just keep doing it because it is different. It's going to take a while for people to get along like a hold of it. But having my Enneagram and knowing that that's such a big part helped me to be able to like, own the in between as I'm building and be okay if my numbers aren't super high.

Yeah. One of the things for you specifically, like, be in your creative bubble, like, especially if, like, the intuitive hits are coming. And just honor that before you look at any kind of vanity metrics or even what people might advice might give you. If you take any advice, take this. Like, when you're in your creative bubble and you create something, whether it's a podcast, episode, content, writing, whatever that looks like, post it, launch it, whatever, and then shut down the world and don't go refreshing anything, don't even look at the metrics for a little while because that will deter you from being in your intuition. And eventually, like, it'll land somewhere that it needs to land. It will.

That's really good advice. That's really good advice. Thank you.

Yeah, I have to take it myself. So there's that. What was another question that you had? I think it was something about your sense of humor or.

I have the, like, I lack the most sense of humor. I always, in my relationship, my boyfriend's always like. Like, you just take everything, like, down a serious path. Like, I feel like everything needs depth. And I get so frustrated with people who are like, surface. Like, I feel like they. If they keep it surface, I'm like, well, and I go to make it, and they're like, jaden, I'm just kidding. Like, I'm just kidding. And I feel like maybe the more I'm digging into my forward, that might be why I struggle with my sense of humor.

Everything has to have some deep meaning to it. And that's your gift. Absolutely. And it's funny because fours, if there's a basic surface level conversation, they'll go there with people and ask, like, a question that might. And like, eights and fours can do this all day long. Like, I think that's why I'm in a relationship with a four, because it's like, nothing rattles you guys, which I freaking love, you know, because I can, like, hit people between the eyeballs with shit too. So I love that. And it's okay that you do that and have some fun with it. Like, recognize that, like, you want to take things deep, you appreciate going deep and knowing that there's eight other types out there where have fun with it. Like, like see the reactions of people. And you could even say, like, listen, I'm going to go real deep with you for a second and then drop the bomb, whatever that looks like. Because I think for fours, you feel so, so alone on an Island. Sometimes you're like, God, am I the only one, like seeing this here or feeling this here, and instead of you internalizing and thinking like, this is terrible or that it's dark, have fun with it, be light with it and see how that feels.

Yeah, I think I struggle with being like. I think everything's rainbows and butterflies, but I have a hard time just being light.

In that.

Why do you think that is?

I mean, I guess when I think of my enneagram 4, it has something to do with like, I take all of the emotions so I sit in them too much.

Well, the other thing about you as an enneagram4, you're also a one on one enneagram4, which you may not know much about, but there's like the three different instinctual types. And so there's a self preservation enneagram 4, there's a one on one enneagram 4 and then there's a social enneagram 4. You and I are both one on one instinctual types, which means when things are going on around us, we're about that interpersonal relationship and intensity of experience. It's kind of our first go to. So especially when things feel uneasy or even happy, we go into like, ooh, let's get in the trench with people. Right? And sometimes people are like, get the hell away from me. Or they're like off to save the world or do whatever. So you also have like, you're an intense being as a four. But this one on one instinct also intensifies thing for you, things for you. And same as a one on one enneagram 8. It's a lot, it's very passionate, it's very intense. And even when you're not speaking, do you feel like people can pick up on that for you and they're like.

Jesus, a little deep. Yeah, like, it's. I feel like I've done a really good job and a lot of work outside of the Enneagram to like, try to find the positive and to find the good. But sometimes, like, even when people are joking or like, I kind of will go down this path of like, well, think of it this way. Like, I always have to find a moment to like make it more and not just like surface. Like, even if people are making fun of someone, like, I find a way to be like, take it deeper and be like, no. So like, think about that. Because if the table was turned like, and they're like, I'm just kidding. Can you just like kid for a minute? And I'm like, yeah, okay.

I can't. Yeah. No, I really. I can't. No. Like, fours, they. They're on this constant quest of deep meaning for everything. Because if there's no deep meaning, what the fuck are we all here for? That's literally how a four thinks. And. And, you know, discerning, like, reading a room a little bit. I have to do this too, because, like, I'm out. I mean, I'm ready to fight the world and I have to, like, okay, let's try to pick up whatever. Whatever's going on around here. It doesn't mean I dim who I am. You don't have to dim who you are. But also, there's two things. You don't necessarily have to go dark and deep with everyone. If you can kind of tell that they're not going to go there, even if you don't know if they're kidding or not. It's like, is that person on the receiving end going to hear me at all? Are they going to think I'm a lunatic? Because if so, why waste your energy on that? The other. The other part of that is not believing that there's anything wrong with you when you do want to go deep, because there isn't. You just may not have your people in front of you right now. And that's the cool thing when enneagram fours find the people that see here understood and value their depth. Like, it will feel so good. Yeah, right. What's your boyfriend like? You say you got a boyfriend?

Yes, he's my structure. So after reading through my. My enneagram, I was like, oh, he's my growth number. Growth number. I don't know what his number is, but he is very. Like, he looks like straight lines. And like, he's. He is my structure. So, like, I have things everywhere. He calls me the Tasmanian Devil. And he's like, I think we should just order out. Please don't.

I can't.

Yeah, he. And so it's been so great because I always say, like, I couldn't. I don't think I could function as well as I do without, like, his. He's so much more structured than me, and it sometimes it feels really rigid. But I also know I was watching a video the other day that was talking about. About, like, I don't want. About not wanting people in your life who want you just because that's who you are, but wanting people in your life who say, that's who you are right now, but I know you have more, and they, like, kind of push you in out of your comfort zone. So I feel like he's very structured compared to me, which is not comfortable for me always. But I always grow the most when I have systems. Like, when I start to feel out of control, I do know I have to come back to, like, okay, I need a system to be able to get where I've got to go, because I get really squirrely and flighty. And he's really good at being like, okay, I have no idea what you're even talking about. Like, bring it back in, Bring it back in.

And with. And. And I'm guessing he does that with love and compassion, not like, God, you're just crazy. I mean, he might from time to time, because I'm sure, like, four is like, yeah, you. Your gift is the capacity of emotion, and your kryptonite is capacity of emotion and the fact that you can feel every single one of them in a span of five minutes and know how to express them all.

Totally. We. When we first, I remember one time he was like, you're getting a little loud. And that would, like, set me off even more. And then we learn. I'm like, you've got to find a way to say it without saying it. So, like, we'll be talking or we'll be at a restaurant, because I get really excited and I get really loud, and he'll just go, volume while I'm talking. Like, we've worked it out to where he can, like, be heard and I can hear that and not need to respond. I just know, like, oh, I'm getting a little loud. I can bring it down and not feel offended. Whereas before, I would be like, don't tell me to be quiet down. Don't box me in. Yeah, right.

I do that with my boyfriend, too. I'll be, oops, so dramatic, you know, and. And, like, a loving, cutesy, playful way, because you guys are dramatic. I love it. I'm obsessed with it. And it's like, wow, okay. And he'll say, ooh, so aggressive for me because, like, I take vitamins aggressively.

So.

One of the things you didn't know that wasn't in your blueprint. This is the beauty of, you know, you coming on the podcast and going a little deeper with your questions with me is the tri type. And I don't know. Are you familiar?

I was just listening today to your podcast with Keisha, and I was like, I'm just going to kind of get my mind in the mode. And she was talking about it, and I went into my email. I'M like, did I get a tri type? How do I find that? So, no, I didn't. I don't know that, but I do a little.

Well, ironically, guess what?

Talk about it.

Guess what. Yes, we get to talk about it. And this is so beautiful because you, Keisha and my daughter all have the same tri type, which is amazing. And what I'm going to tell you is going to be like, I hope if, if ever you get in your own way, you remember this because this will help you stay on track with your gifts. So even though Keisha and my daughter are both enneagram sevens, right, like they default to how a seven is motivated and an eight, how a seven fears, you will always go to significance internally and you will always fear like a 4, which is like fear of abandonment and not feeling like true and authentic to who you are. But you also use the thinking center and the instinctual center. You will always go to how do I feel about this? What has happened? And you'll process everything with your feelings first, where they use their head. But you do use your head and your thinking brain and you do use your gut and your instincts as well. And so when you do my assessment, especially when we have a one on one conversation, we get to talk about what your tri type is, because I know what it is. And so when you go to what could happen or forward thinking, you operate like a 7, which I'm not surprised. I bet that has come up on other online assessments before because my boyfriends did too. His came up a seven. Originally. I was like, you're no seven. Even though behaviorally I know you guys can look seven like, you know, like all over the place, not very focused, but it's not motivated like a seven. But when you're using your brain and your creativity and forward thinking and what could happen, you operate like a 7, which is a visionary. An enthusiastic visionary. It's amazing. You guys think about like nothing is off the table, which is good. Because if you're in your creative zone without the outside world dictating that, like this is when you can be visionary. Like when you're using your instinct and your gut, what is happening right now, you operate like an 8, which is like me. So this is where you can be not afraid of conflict. You can be very direct.

Hello.

When you're going deep with people, you can be very direct and like not even think twice about it. It's also your willing willingness to fight for what is important. Right? And so when you have the 4, 7, 8, tri type, which is what you are. That is called the messenger. Which means, like, you have a very unique message that is definitely not like anyone else that you must bring into the world. And the flip side to that, you will be grossly misunderstood most of your life. And that is more than okay, because any messenger that I've met that steps into their voice does really fucking cool shit.

So how do you feel about that?

I feel like it was my push to keep going.

Yeah. Yeah. So the 4, 7, 8. So when you're using your brain, knowing, like, okay, this is how a 7 does it. And sevens also have a hard time with structure. So the good thing is having that 4, 7 combo is, like, anything is possible. Nothing's off the table. Creative autonomy at its highest. Both the four and the seven hate structure.

Rainbows and butterflies.

So.

Rainbows and butterflies.

Yeah. And so understanding with that combo, it's like a one, two punch in really great things. And also the flip side of that is, like, it's a hot fucking mess sometimes. And so being receptive. I'm glad you have the boyfriend you have, and you have determined how to have conversation when you are a little extra. Right. Like, and understanding that. And same thing with my daughter. Knowing she's got that 4, 7 combo, I'm like, okay, like, how do I give her some structure without her feeling like I'm trying to control her or boxer in or take away her uniqueness? Right. And so know that, like, and you're going to have to articulate, hopefully, before you're popping off and pissed off. Like, how. How can you arm the people that love you most and don't want to change you to communicate with you when you do need a little more structure.

Yeah.

Right. My boyfriend has a 4, 7 combo as well.

So you get it.

So it's a lot. I do get it. And it's like, it has to be your idea. Right? But because I make him feel completely true, he does not have to filter anything about who he is ever. And that's his favorite thing about our relationship. And because of that, he's open to my guidance when it comes to a tiny little bit of structure. Same thing with my daughter. And one of the reasons Keisha and I are very close friends, too. So pretty cool, right?

But the extra cool part is having that 8 energy in you as well. There's your. Like, you'll fight till the end of time for what you really want. And even if that means some structure along the way, you'll be willing to do it. And you've already asserted that eight in you, when it comes to something where the four and seven are like, this is a. Yes. That eight will make sure you see it to the finish line every time, because the 4 and 7 be like, woohoo.

This is fun.

And then you'll get distracted where that 8 in your instinctual center is like, okay, 4, 7, let's rein it in here, and let's see this through to the very end, which you've done.

Yeah.

Very cool. Yeah.

Honestly, it's one of my favorite tri types because, like, you're very different from me. My daughter's different from me. Keisha is very different than me. But we really do process very similarly in a lot of ways.

So, yeah, that's. It just makes you feel a little more, like, normal as you. Even though, like, I am unique, I feel like you'll never be. Right. And I don't really want to be normal, but I feel like having the idea that there are other numbers that are more common per se, that I can kind of, like, understand are part of me as well. They kind of. I guess in my moments that I'm looking for, to not feel alone, I can, like, lean into some of those other numbers a little bit.

I think fours and eights are the most misunderstood, especially fours and eights that are women are the most misunderstood on the Enneagram. And I think the more, like, even though you and I are motivated differently, we get it. We get the intensity. We get the. The emotional aspect of this. But when we don't feel understood, that's usually when some of these defense mechanisms will come out, where your dramatics will come out. My willingness to, like, bury a body in my backyard will come out. Right. And so the more that you can communicate on the front end before you're triggered or mad with the people that love you and care about you most, when shit does hit the fan, hopefully they'll remember and they'll have practiced this a little bit with you, and you'll know that when somebody is offering feedback, even if you don't like it, you'll know it's coming from a very loving place.

What's your favorite thing about being a four now that you know you're a four?

Oh, gosh. My favorite thing about being a four is that it kind of, like, encourages me to be even more, like, quirky and myself, I think. I think that's probably, like, my favorite is I feel like I have permission that, like, it's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing, so keep doing it.

And what's one thing you're gonna take away from this conversation that will help you remember that. Because when you look up and look at the rest of the world, the world is not operating like you do typically. What's one thing you're going to put into practice that will help you kind of, kind of stay in your. Your little beautiful, creative, unique.

I feel like just even like my favorite thing was even with my posting on social media, which sounds so silly, but that's how we build a business. That's how you build this community that I'm trying to build. I love the idea of like, post and walk away so that it's more based off of, like, my intuition of what I'm supposed to be following and not like, is this, is this landing? Is this landing? And just being more concerned with, like, did that fit? Did that fill what I wanted it to fill? And then stepping away.

I love it. Honestly, that is probably the best advice for all Enneagram fours, because it's never going to look like anybody else's. You're not going to get the same kind of feedback. Especially, I mean, if you think about Lindsay, who, you heard me in her conversation, she's an enneagram9. And the way she builds community, I mean, she's the master of community building, right? How she does it and how you and I can do it completely different, Completely different. We can have the same kind of grand result, but how you and I go about will always be different. And like, that's what's beautiful about you. And I hope that you continue to do that. Where can people hear your podcast? Because I think fours that build podcasts, it's got to be freaking great. So where can they find you, hear about you, see you on social?

So you can find my podcast anywhere where you listen to podcasts. I think it's like your main ones that you listen to podcasts. It's. She is Magic is the name of my podcast.

I will be transitioning to adding some interviews on this year. That's kind of my new pivot and bringing people in to just ultimately have conversations that help open up our minds. And then I started a new community, a new little page called Soul Ovation on Instagram, Soul Ovation company And it's all just around building confidence, coming back home to yourself, like, learning the tools and knowing it's okay if you don't look like or feel like anyone else, that your safest space is always within you.

You guys go check her out and go subscribe to her podcast and leave a five star review because I think we all need to be showing our magic out in the world. You are pure magic. You make me smile. You're beautiful in every single way. Jaden, thanks for coming on. I appreciate you.

Thank you so much for having me. Foreign.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level.