EP375: Debunking the "getting in the room" and the BS you need to stop to make the most of those rooms

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership. Sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of Breaking Down Dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Happy Thanksgiving week, y'. All. I wanted to talk about something very serious today, because this is the time of year that panic sets in for many of you in regards to your business, even personally.

You know, everything's heightened. A lot of it has to do with the holidays and nervous system dysregulation, because we're into experiences with people that, you know, trigger us family.

Maybe. You're looking at your bank statements and your business plans and things look very different than the way that you declared it back in January. This is also the time of year, myself included, where it's like, here we go. What are you going to do? Because what you do today affects how you show up and how you execute in 2024. And today, I want to talk about something that is kind of the buzzword, the buzz phrase. And although there's a lot of freaking truth to.

Is being used to manipulate, to sell, this is how you justify your own shit sometimes. And so I really wanted to talk about this subject, because every time I hear it, I said, yes, and there's a catch. And we are going to talk about the subject of getting in the room. Getting in the room, get in the room, get in the room. And yes, that is important. And especially after Covid years, right, we have even more so recognized that there is nothing like in person, the energy exchange, the transformation that can happen when we're in person. And all of that is absolutely fucking true. I'm not denying that. However, so often. And I've been doing live events for over 10 years. I have been speakers at hundreds of them. I've also put on hundreds of my own over the last decade. And something that would frustrate me in the early days before getting in the room was a thing when I would have events or speak at events. And of course, I would take time to speak to people in attendance all the time. And, you know, they had said, I was here last time, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And my number one question was, and what have you done since then with that information that you got in that. From that event? And sometimes I would get a deer in the headlights. In fact, most of the time I would. And there were very few scenarios where the person would actually say, I heard this, I learned this. I got this from this event. And this is what I have done since. And those numbers are very, very small. They're very, very small. And so when we talk about getting in the room, yes, they're important. But I see so many of you, and with no judgment, because I get it. It's how you're being marketed to. It's what you're being told. Just your network, your net worth is equal to your network. And there's a lot of truth to that. I am not saying it's not, but this shit doesn't happen by osmosis, is what I'm about to tell you, right? Yes, you have to show up. Yes, you have to invest. Yes, you have to actually get in the room. But where a lot of the shit is going sideways is after you leave the room. A lot of that has to do with your own crap. And a lot of it has to do with the rooms you're getting into. So let's break it down, right? I've had several conversations because this is like selling season, right? And so a lot of these events, which are amazing, I participate in many of them. And, you know, so you're starting to feel the pressure. What do I invest in? What do I invest in? And a lot of people have come to me recently asking me my advice because they know I'll tell the fucking truth. And a lot of the truth that I tell is not necessarily to do with the room you want to purchase to get into, or the mastermind or the program. Like a lot of the ones that I get asked about are absolutely super reputable. They are. A lot of them aren't. And the questions, and especially the people that are asking me no because I've worked with them or they have been to the events or they know I will speak truth, I won't filter it, and I will do it with love. And a lot of times you think that jumping from room to room to room will help you. And the thing is, is you've been in these rooms and some of you have been in really powerful, expensive rooms with a network of that absolutely has everything that you need. However, when you leave the room, you're back into the same environment before you got into that room. And you haven't learned or haven't chosen to take what you learned. Leaving the rest and taking action with what you know will move you forward. A lot of times getting in these rooms create false connection too. A lot of times they felt they, they provide absolute great connection. These rooms absolutely have been the reason that I have the inner circle that I have today. So again, I'm not minimizing the power of getting in the room. It is fucking important.

So often though, you're not nurturing the network that you get in the rooms and you just bounce to the next one. It's kind of like speed dating is what y' all are doing. You're having a bunch of one night fucking stands instead of nurturing and dating the relationship of the people in the rooms that you have met. And I see this happen all the time. You think I just have to go to this thing or this person's thing. Or do you know the people that they know or do you know the people that show up in the rooms? And Instagram has made this very beautiful and the other thing that it does, and I see this and I'm going to maybe hold you accountable. And if this is upsetting to you or triggering to you, that probably means it's true for you. Like a lot of people use getting in the room and the Instagram worthy reels and pictures and the beautiful outfits and the people that you are mingling with to show you as credible. And just because you get in the room doesn't mean you're credible to do what you're trying to sell People, I'm just gonna be really honest with you. Yes, it means that you have invested to get in those rooms, but it doesn't mean jack shit for what you did after you took that picture with that person or made the reel about what you're doing there. What are you actually doing with what you gained from being in that room? What did you do with the network? What did you do with that beautiful conversation that wasn't with a keynote speaker? Because quite honestly, the power of getting in the rooms is the people you meet in the audience with you. It isn't necessarily about the people on the stages. It really, really isn't. It's what you do with the network and the nuggets that you gain in that event. You take it, you focus on it and move forward before you jump into another pool, another room.

I was having a conversation with a private client the other day, and she said, I want to be a speaker. I'm like, really? You do? Not against it. I think it's great. It's definitely a great vehicle to promote yourself. But I asked why, and I got the deer in the headlights. I'm like, why do you want to be a speaker? What do you believe will be true if you focus on becoming a speaker? And that's your thing. And for many of you, and part of getting in the rooms, they're very flashy. They are a production. A lot of these rooms have gone in the red to put on a production, to create the reels, to create the marketing. They're also very valuable.

But for many of you, you believe that building your own room, even, or your own stage, means that that automatically makes you credible and that it automatically means you're going to have success. It's the pinnacle of success. And it's not. It's what we do with the information, it's what we do with the room.

This whole room thing has become very flashy. And it's noisy and it's beautiful, and it is adrenaline moving, and it is exciting. And I'm not gonna lie, there are days that it's like. It's fun to actually, like, get dressed up. It is fun to be intimate with other people. It is fun to travel to new cities. It absolutely is. But the breakthroughs and the transformation doesn't happen just by getting in the room. You have to do something with it. So a few things that I want to tactically give you before and during and after the room. Getting in the room, right? Finding awareness why you're getting a case of fomo, why you Believe, you know, And I've been on calls with people, passionate. I got to get there. I got to get there. I got to get there. I'm like, why? What do you believe to be true is in that room that you're lacking, Right? So awareness is number one. Awareness. And now here's the real kicker. This part only works as well as you are willing to be honest with yourself, compassionately, radically honest with yourself. For some of you, it's a case of fomo, and that's okay. You gotta speak truth. Having fomo, though, won't transform your business or your life. Okay? You're just going to bleed out money and you might take out of your budget where you actually need to spend it. And that's my point here. Is like, yeah, getting in the rooms is important, but is getting in the room and mingling and then doing nothing with it more important than that chunk of change you could use to actually have a guide take you through a process that you need to actually transform your business? Awareness. What do you believe to be true? Or what do you believe you will take from this event and move forward with it? And what. Let's get past evidence. Last time you believed that and justified it. Did you actually do it? Or did you blame the event? Or did you, you know, fill in the blanks here? Awareness. What do you believe to be true? What do you believe is necessary by going to this event? And it might just be vanity, and that's okay, but being honest with yourself, having a new level of self, awareness that you can be compassionately honest with yourself about, that's number one. Number two, when you do have the truth and you are being honest compassionately with yourself, and it isn't maybe a pretty answer, maybe it is fomo. Maybe I want to be in the cool girls club. Or you believe that that's what the cool girls do or the cool guys do. Or maybe you believe that if I just like rub shoulders with this person, it's going to make me a lot more money. Or the people on my LinkedIn or Instagram feed will say, oh my gosh, she must be super successful if she's going to that. Okay, now this is the hard part. This is the messy middle. This is where we acknowledge where we believe. That's where we find our worthiness, our significance, our certainty or independence or autonomy and control comes from. This is where it gets real. And this is where many of you skip anytime that we are looking for transformation. We are very aware the marketing today, like the beautiful, manipulative, strategic Excellent marketing that's happening today. And with like the power of AI and great copywriting, my goodness, they are bringing into awareness your pain point. And there's nothing wrong with that. Like, awareness is important, but the problem is, is many of you are skipping this acknowledge why this is a pain point and skipping right to action. Yep, get me in the room. Yep, get me in the room. Yep, get me in the room. Cha ching, cha ching, ching ching. You aren't spending enough time in this middle. And this is, this goes beyond just getting in rooms. This also is dependent on, like, people. You h hire therapists, you see decisions you're making in your relationships, in your business.

We are hyper aware of our pain points today.

And we jump to the easy button or the action to make it go away. It's like putting a band aid on a bullet hole. Unless we spend time in this acknowledgment part in this middle. Now let's get to the action part. Let's say you have awareness. Let's say you're acknowledging, yeah, I want to go here. I feel less significant if I'm not there. I feel. And you still make the decision to go and that's okay. I want you to know there's absolutely no judgment in this. But let's not justify judge our own stuff. Like, let's be real. That's how we get to transformation acceptance a lot faster. But if you're not willing to be honest with yourself, you're going to be burning through your money. And when shit's hitting the fan and you really need to invest in the right person to help you through a process, you're going to have used it up in all those rooms. Okay, so let's get to the action part, deciding what rooms to be in. This is why it's important to have a mentor. And this is a big part of why I haven't in the last few years, put on events. Because it's hard to be objective about getting in my room if I'm running it. And I'm running a business. Right. That's why, like, I, I mean, I'm a keynote speaker at a lot of these rooms that you're getting in.

And I'm very picky about the rooms I will agree to be in for this reason. So I can be very honest because I've seen more people burned by shit coaches and rooms that were just.

Basically a place for the person to get marketing materials or even to sell their stuff, which is great. Like, I'm all for it, like selling their stuff. From stage. That's why they have events like let's not get it wrong. Yes, they are beautiful rooms to get in. Yes, you will learn a lot and yes, they will be selling you something and that's okay. Tony Robbins is the master at it. Still transformative. If you take what you get in the room and execute it and integrate it. It's why when I talk about the Enneagram also, that, yeah, all the information and all the other Enneagram podcasts and people that you might follow on Instagram, yeah, it's great information, but it's not going to fucking give you any transformation. It's not. And it's why I'm so passionate about integration. Whether it's Enneagram recovery, getting in the rooms, Information doesn't equal transformation. Showing up in a room does not make it happen by osmosis. Taking a picture with a keynote speaker won't transform your life.

Many of you have taken a picture with me before and I appreciate it and I will. I. You guys have. You've seen me stand till the lights went out in the frickin rooms. I will stay there till the very last person because I am so passionate about transformation and I want you so desperately to get this. If you get nothing else about picking the rooms you get in and then taking what you need before you jump to the next one, or mastermind jumping, or mini mind jumping or coach jumping.

This, none of this stuff is easy. Can it accelerate your transformation? Yes, but only if you integrate. Integrate.

I had lunch with a friend today and a very, very good friend of mine and I knew I was going to be recording this podcast today. And it is a friend that has recently gotten out of recovery, out of rehab, and it was a beautiful conversation. And you know, we've had this conversation for over six years about this subject and this person knowing they needed to get help, but like, you know, the awareness there was a problem, took quick action, wasn't willing to do the acknowledgement in the middle. Right. And it's why only 2% of people that enter into recovery actually stay sober or recover or stay in a constant state of recovery like myself. And even though you might be listening and might not have problems with a person, place or thing, probably I think we're all addicted to something as a coping mechanism.

But one of the things I heard in recovery in my very early days almost 12 years ago was keep coming back. Right? The rooms of AA at the time was where I. Those were the rooms I got in. And although yes, like those rooms, absolutely fucking Helped get me sober. But just by showing up in the room, There were another 23 hours in the day that if I didn't take action with what I learned in those rooms, your girl isn't sitting here today. In fact, I probably would be dead. And that's also why just getting in the rooms for that why the statistics are only 90 or only 2% make it. Getting the room is just the easy part.

Integrating what we do in the rooms is where the change happens. And so I want to offer this to you today.

I get how fun they are and I get how great it is to connect with other people. Especially when you might have an environment, a home life that doesn't quite get it. And these rooms feel really safe. Absolutely, absolutely. And that's important and that's valuable in of itself. But let's be real about what it is. Right. I also get that it's a beautiful tax write off. I do understand that as well, and that is very, very true. But if you know, this is the year that you want to step into your next level era, your CEO era, your. This is the year that I put my blinders on and make shit happen. And this is not just in business, but also personal because this is, this is something that applies to both. Yeah, I got in the rooms early on in AA and I'm thankful for them. And they changed my life. And I took what I needed from those rooms and I did something with it. I took what I've needed in the rooms of every mastermind I've ever been in, every event I've ever been in and taken something and applied it. And it is why I've had accelerated transformation over the last decade. It's why I've made well over $5 million in the last decade. Okay.

My offer to you is this. Be a little choosier with what rooms you're getting into. Be compassionately honest with yourself when you are going into awareness. Why? What do I believe is true? What do I believe that I need to go to this event for? What do I believe is missing in me or in my life or in my circle that I have to get here?

And be really honest with yourself. And it might be scary to be really honest with yourself if you're like me. I, I didn't have a lot of friends in my inner circle 10 years ago when I got sober. My goodness, like I cleaned house of my social network. And so those rooms were imperative for me and I knew that and I still needed to do the fucking work when I left the Room. I needed to nurture those relationships I met in the room. I needed to take action on what I learned from great people that put on those events and in those rooms. It wasn't just by being in the room that shit happened.

Awareness, acknowledgement, and compassionate, effective action. I will invite you to be so compassionately, radically honest with yourself today.

If you need transformation to happen in your life and happen fast, you might need a guide more than you need a room. I'm just being really, really honest with you. Maybe you need both. And there have been many years in my life that I needed both as well.

So as you are setting up your calendar for 2024 and making your business agenda and goals for 2024, which is what I'm doing, this is the time of year to do it, and you're making your decisions on where your budget for personal growth is going. Ask yourself, what do you actually need? What do you actually need? Because I've seen and talked to many of you that have the in the room hangover a week later because you're chasing the feeling you got in that room. And when you leave the room, you feel empty or shame or insignificant or more anxious than when you got there. And if you need a guide, I have a easy way for me to help in that journey that is very cost effective. Next month in December, I am putting on a workshop that is enneagram focused, but based on your enneagram type. How to navigate and set yourself up for success for 2024 is very low cost. That is a room you definitely want to be in to maybe help give you more clarity around this. And for those of you that want to hate. Yeah, I'm selling it. I am. And it's very inexpensive. It's way cheaper than any of those rooms you'll be in. And you can do it in your pajamas and in front of a cozy fire or whatever you want. But I am so passionate about it. It's why I'm making it very cost effective for you. Because I'm tired of seeing you burn through money getting in rooms without kind of integrating what you get out of them.

You know, I really am. And I know that.

You need transformation to happen. 2024 is an election year. There's so much uncertainty coming. The world is a hot mess and you need transformation in your life. It's great to get to these things. I will continue to go and I will see you there, and you bet your ass I will hug you and hug you tight. And I probably will ask you, because if I'VE seen Yetam before. I'll be like, what did you take from the last one? And integrate into your life? And I want you to have a beautiful answer, and I want you to feel really fucking good about getting in the rooms because you have that answer. And you can say, this is what I got, this is what I did, and this is where I'm going.

Okay? I love you so much. I hope you know there's zero judgment in this. Sometimes we have to have the mirror held up in front of us so that we can take more effective action moving forward, so that we can actually accelerate transformation in our lives and make the impact that we were always designed to make in this lifetime. For more information on that workshop that I talked about, you can go to traceyomally.com it'll be on the front page in a little banner at the top, either there or the work with me page. Or you can do some one on one work with me, whether it's a 90 minute session or if you want to work with me for three months in a very tight, like, container where we go through all of this every single day for three months. This is the time of year that my schedule gets really busy because, yeah, you're feeling it. Don't hesitate to apply. It is an investment. But I am in the trench with you every single day for three months. And it's a beautiful thing, especially if, you know, if you don't do something this year, it's gonna. It's gonna get pretty crazy up in here. And I don't recommend, like, I did, like, burning everything down to the ground before you take this action. It's why I'm passionate about the work I do. Because I would have died for me 12 years ago. I really, really would have. I really, really would have. And that's why I'm so passionate about the work I do and the rooms I get in and the rooms I choose to speak in and the people that I pour into. And if you are a listener of this show, just know how much I see you, I understand you, I value you, and I hear you, and I'd love to be there for you. All right, you guys, it's Thanksgiving week. I will drop an episode on Thanksgiving just to remind you of some beautiful things, in case you forgot. I'm so thankful for you, for you showing up week after week and spending your time with here. Time here with me. I never take that for granted or lightly. It's a huge responsibility that I take very, very seriously. So I love you. I'm wishing you so much love and transformation and if this is a hard week for you, just know I'm here with you and sending you so much love and yeah, we'll see you.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level.