EP377: Enneagram 101 - Cracking the Code : Tips and strategies for Stress Management Mastery

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding.

Of how to help you implement this.

Into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. It is a Tuesday episode, so you're getting a little enneagram101. But I'm going to do it a little bit different. Instead of giving you really tactical things about the Enneagram, this is actually a little bit of 101 on integrating it. Because we are at the time of year where things get a little messy, right? We are off the heels of Thanksgiving. You are coming back from a long holiday weekend, and for a lot of you, this is kind of the beginning of stress. High levels of stress. Not just because it's busy, but because you're dealing with family, family dynamics, finances, maybe plans that you had for the year that you haven't executed on. And there's some stuff coming up around that. And so today I really, really, really wanted to talk to you about navigating stress using the Enneagram. Not only that, I am putting on a workshop, a week from today. So December, Tuesday, December 5, 4 o' clock Pacific time on navigating stress and setting yourself up for success for 2024. It is a 90 minute workshop. It is under a hundred bucks. You guys definitely will want to participate in that. You don't necessarily have to be typed or have done my blueprint, but if you have, you'll get a little bit of hybrid like hot seat, one on one coaching or also. So I highly recommend if stress is something that you struggle with with, with which who doesn't honestly? Go to traceyomalley.com It'll be right on the banner on the top. You can click right there. 90 minutes, less than a hundred dollars. It will be recorded for a short period of time. So if you can't make it live, definitely will be worth it for you. Now, for those of you that may be new to the Enneagram, what is the Enneagram? It is a 9 archetype kind of personality framework and system. It is like nature and nurture collided. I believe we are divinely made to be special and unique based on some of these nine different archetypes. Now, how those get expressed are very unique to you. There's a lot of determining factors with all the framework that is connected to your core type. It's not like we're all these little cookie cutters of one through nine, right? There's many different expressions of each of the nine Enneagram types. And if you haven't listened to some previous episodes on all the different components, I will continue to bring them. We have almost 400 episodes. Can you even believe that? Of beautiful ways to integrate this incredible tool in your life, personally and professionally. Now we're going to talk about navigating stress. And this can mean either personally or professionally. I'm kind of dealing with both right now. And you know, last week I had one of the most special weeks of my life. The week of Thanksgiving is traditionally a beautiful thing for me and my kids. After getting divorced 15 years ago, it was the holiday I kind of took custody of because my ex's family does a lot of really cool traditions and stuff for Christmas. And I never wanted to impose on that or take away from that just because it was like my time. And so I kind of took custody of Thanksgiving. So over the last decade we've done really cool special experiences together. We always travel to somewhere. We've. We've kind of made San Diego our home over the last four or five years. And we love it. And it was always super sacred to just us Three. And over the years, obviously my daughter's in a very, very serious relationship. She will end up marrying him, and I am very pleased about that. He is the perfect match for her to enneagram sevens, if you can believe that. Um, and I am in a relationship and this last year was very special because my relationship and his children and obviously my kids, we brought them all together for a vacation. And it was amazing. It was absolutely amazing. And even under the most amazing, beautiful, loving situations, there can be stress, right? Stress doesn't necessarily mean horrible, terrible. All the wheels are going to fly off. However, stress can be an indicator of some more healing that can happen, some more feelings that we need to address. And the thing with stress, especially around the holidays, is we tend to power through or numb them out. And you aren't. I'm not telling you anything that I haven't done that isn't my default.

And I really want you to become more aware of what stress means and how to navigate it in a way that is healing, that is healthy, that is loving, that is growing, that is honoring of the full scope of the human experience. And how the enneagram can come into play is because it is a framework and it is a system. And like I said, I'm coming off like probably one of the most special times I've ever had in my life. And just the immense amount of emotional.

Gratitude that I have a. That I am a very highly regulated, self aware person. And also the compassion, the empathy, the amount of feelings that I'm able to have today, I can feel everything. And that being said, you know, the more self aware I am, the more I do feel everything. And even feeling all the good things and, and the grief that comes with, you know, the good thing about feeling all the things and feeling the stress, even the good stress, is that there's polarity, right? And the power of. And you know, I can be in the most beautiful, loving, exciting time of my life. And that exposes the extreme other end of maybe what I lacked early on in my life. And although I can't change the past, and although, yes, some people may have had it worse than me, and I know these are all things that you've said to yourself, that's why I'm bringing it up. Without the beautiful, beautiful, loving experience that I am so blessed to be part of, not just in that relationship, but in a lot of the ways that I'm exposed to other people's children, not just in this partnership, but my friends, other extended family, things like that. It also reveals What I lacked and the stress that has come with that and how I have compensated for almost 52 years. And the beautiful part about the Enneagram is I can use this framework to pinpoint what's really happening so that I don't lean into the coping mechanisms, the numbing, the powering through, the spiritual bypass, the anger, the projection, all the things that kind of get exposed during this time of year. So I wanted to kind of touch on what stress triggers might come up for each Enneagram type and give you a little bit of tactical ways to kind of navigate that. But honestly, sign up for the workshop. This will be super helpful and obviously more in depth than a 20 minute or so podcast episode, right? This is kind of just tipping or nicking the surface of how deep we can go. And here's the deal, you guys. I am the most self aware person I know. I use this tool daily, I teach this tool daily. And more is always revealed. But we can always come back to the Enneagram to guide us through when it is revealed. I'm so grateful for this tool and I'm so grateful for not only being able to use this in my life, but to be able to teach many people just like you to use it in your life. So here is kind of some of the stress triggers for each Enneagram type. For an enneagram1, you know your biggest fear is not being right or good, right? And one of the things that stresses you out is when other people do don't honor that code, right? You guys are people that do what you say you're going to do. It's black and white. A lot of people don't live in black and white. And one of the things that stresses Enneagram out, Enneagram ones out more than anything is gray area. And here's the deal. Most of the other Enneagram types fall into gray area perspective and learning how to navigate that. One of the biggest things for an Enneagram too, that is a stressor. Their biggest fear is not being loved and appreciated. And that's one of the things that they find significance in. That's their core motive is being loved and appreciated. And you know, this time of year when things get extra busy, they absolutely can over give and over compensate and completely fill their calendar. And you know, because that is their code, they don't understand when other people aren't as generous in that way. And it can be very stressful. It's where resentment can kick in, burnout, anger, all the things for type threes. They don't like, they love this time of year, but it also like, people start to slow down and get in the feels and Enneagram Threes get really bothered by that. They don't want to slow down. They're like, that's great. Holiday is awesome, but I got shit to do. I got shit to do. And when people start to slow down, it can really interfere with an enneagram3's kind of game plan. They're a see a goal, hit a goal and they can put the, the tunnel vision on and just beeline right to the goal. If even if the goal is to have an amazing holiday, it's like, okay, check the box, check the box, check the box. Cool, we did a great holiday. Now onto the next goal. And they don't always like want to sit around and savor the moment because there's always something more to do for Enneagram Fours. You know, this time of year, fours absolutely are the most emotional and have the emotional depth on the Enneagram. And one of the things that can be very triggering and stressful during the holidays, you know, their biggest fear is of abandonment. And the holidays can bring hyper awareness to some of that in their life. The family dynamics or even other dynamics that have gone on in their life.

How fake this time of year can be. They're very sensitive to inauthenticity. And this is the time of year that we start to see, you know, all the matching PJs and the, the family pictures. And I love all that stuff, don't get me wrong. But a 4 can kind of get stressed into envy that it's easier for everyone else, that everyone else has something that they don't have. It's not a jealousy thing. It's more of like, what's Miss me? And that can get very dark for them, especially during the holidays. So something to be aware of for my Enneagram Fours, whether you are one or you know, one or love one. For the Fives, that introverted, introverted nature and that wanting like this is a high, like high stress for an enneagram 5 because there's a lot more peopling that that is happening. And you know, people are more prone to like impose on your personal space during this time of year. And that is like worst case scenario for an enneagram5. And this is kind of where they can come across as cold, but then they're like, geez, like I gotta do this, but I don't really want to. And how do they navigate the depletion and the intrusion of their energy resources, that is one of the ways they find certainty is in information, knowledge and resources. In this time of year, it's like all the freaking rules go out the window and fives aren't a big fan. And when a 5 starts to feel like they are going to be depleted, that's when they withdraw. It's when they pull back. And that can cause a whole different level of stress amongst loved ones and, and other things. So something to be aware of. Sixes, you know, they like to know all the things. And especially if you're dealing with packed schedules and family dynamics and uncertainty and coming on a new year and the world as it is today, there's so much uncertainty like this is. This can cause even more.

Stress for an enneagram6. And I think sixes are most prone to stress and fear and anxiety than any other type on any other given day, let alone the holiday season. And this, this is something if you are a six or love or lead a six, like when questions are left unanswered for you, this might increase your stress and anxiety. So something to be aware of. If you love one, give them as many answers as you can. If you are a six, kind of learning how to deal and, and not. And be okay with not everybody wanting to know details. I'm somebody that doesn't need all the details. I kind of like the excitement of it. But that is like terrible for a six typically and that causes them a lot of stress. So you know, if you are a six, learning to be maybe a little bit less having to know. And if you love a six, if you have information, give it to them. For the sevens they want to do all the things right. And this can lead to burnout. It can lead to trying to get people on the excitement train and getting frustrated. If you feel like people are pissing in your Cheerios or party poopers or, or if you can't do all the things in this next five weeks, it can create stress for an enneagram. Sevens. Sevens usually have their like in their big imaginative brain how things end up. And with all these moving parts of this time of year, they can get really frustrated and you might see that perfectionistic rigidness come out in if you are a seven or if you love a seven, it's you know, having a seven as a daughter, I can see when this comes up for her and, and how I can help her manage that I'll get to in a second and that'll help you. For my fellow eights like yourself.

Kind of being controlled like this time of year, especially if you have quote unquote traditions that don't aren't you aren't a fan of or family trying to tell you what you can or can't do or even just anything, anything that feels like you are being controlled. The other part of this for an enneagram 8 that can create stress is.

Feelings. I am in this. I am in this kind of situation. It is creating a lot of stress in me. And that's like I said, not always a bad thing, but like allowing myself to feel like it This. I much prefer to kind of just put on the superhero cape and plow through life. That is the easier short game. But for the long game it isn't better. But recognizing that, you know, all my fellow eights out there kind of feel like, you know, if you've seen the movie the Grinch, you know how the Grinch till Christmas that part where he's like, oh my God, what is this I'm feeling? That can create stress for an enneagram 8, right? And learning how to navigate that. And finally, not last, not least, but saved the best for last. The Enneagram type nines. You guys really can be on high alert this time of year because your goal is to create harmony in all things. And there's nothing like a holiday season to throw all that to the. The. The shitter, right? Seriously, like peace and harmony for all in an ideal world for an enneagram9 sounds amazing. But it's almost impossible this time of year. And that creates a lot of stress. A lot of stress. And this is kind of where you procrastinate, you stonewall, you get passive aggressive, even selective hearing all the things. Something to be aware of if you love a nine, if you are a nine, to kind of be aware of. So what do you do with this? Right. I will touch on these. Like I said, go and do the workshop with me next week to get more in depth on this. But some of the things that you can remember and you write this down and kind of keep it there. I will remember this. This is a way to help break down and manage your stress. Not just in the holiday season, but but overall. For my ones embracing flexibility and self compassion and compassion for others. You know that rigidness is what makes you have high standards and high integrity. But it's also your kryptonite, right? For all of us, our. Our superpower can become our kryptonite. So when it becomes that rigid perfectionistic ways, that's when stress gets high for you and you start popping off on people, which never feels good. So embracing flexibility and self compassion will be key for an enneagram 1, for an enneagram 2, boundaries and self honoring practices. You know, we talk about self love and self care, but for an Enneagram too, that is too much of a gray area. So self honoring practices, right? Filling your cup up first, going into your four zone, which is your growth number, and doing things for you so that you can be the ultimate helper. But the word no will be your best friend the next few weeks. For my type threes, allowing time for rest and feeling. I know you don't love it, but that will allow you to instead of plowing through life, even though I know that you might have a lot of evidence that that has worked out well for you, I promise you, for the long game and for the good of your body, your nervous system and your relationships, this is probably the most important thing you can learn in managing stress. I've seen way too many threes leave this earth way too soon because of their inability and unwillingness to do this. For my fours.

Focusing on the positive and looking for the beautiful parts of the story and finding things to be grateful for. And I know that seems so like basic and extra and like nice. That's real, that's a real strategy. But really for an enneagram4, you guys can go to the depths of the darkness and even finding one glimmer of something to be thankful for will change your whole nervous system and allow you to not be in that high stress state, even if it's a high stress depressive state. For my Fives, engaging in physical activities and movement, connecting with others when you want to do the absolute opposite opposite, sometimes taking this contrary action will help you get out of your own way. Because in isolation is where things fly off the wheels. There's a difference between solitude and isolation and knowing that you can move this energy around so you don't feel like it's like suffocating you will be really, really important for the Sixes, establishing a routine and seeking support from people that you know, maybe have a little bit more of a dose of patience. Because I know for Sixes, Nothing frustrates a 6 more than people's lack of patience with their questioning. But also recognizing that routine and taking action will be really, really important for you. For the Sevens, practicing mindfulness.

And embracing stillness and finding joy in the journey, even if you have your goals set on the adventure and how it's going to go, a lot of Sevens are just barreling through to the next shiny object that they miss what's right in front of them. So practicing some mindfulness, some meditation, breath, work, yoga, and embracing that stillness instead of that gluttonous need. Because when, when a seven is in stress, sometimes they'll just find ways to be incessantly. Doing more contrary action is doing the opposite for my fellow aids, channeling the energy into constructive outlets. Movement is really, really good for an eight. But try to do movement that's softer, more gentler, and I know all my aides just laughed at me, but it's really, really important things that allow you get into your body and feel the feelings. A lot of eights would sling weights around and do hiit training and aggressive things, but I want you to when, like when the Grinch is like, oh, I'm feeling, lean in to it instead of trying to bypass out of it. And for my Enneagram nines, prioritizing using your voice and self expression and assertiveness, even though it may create some temporary disharmony and disruption in your whole body and it might feel like you're adding more stress in the long game. All of these little practices for each Enneagram type will help you alleviate and manage stress a little bit more. This is something that I work on daily with my one on one clients in my workshops that I do.

All of the kind of work that I do. Understanding, managing and dealing with stress in a healthy, authentic way is the key. Because I don't care how good you get at understanding all the things, you know, new levels bring new devils and you know, there's layers and upon layers upon layers to each and every one of us. And there's no way to avoid it. There's no way to avoid it. So the key is knowing how to manage it, embrace it and move through it so that you can do the things that you were called to do, so that you can have the relationships and the support that you desire, so that you can be strong and healthy and fulfilled, so that you can find joy in every single part of the journey. So like I said at the beginning of this episode, I am doing a workshop a week from today, December 5th, Tuesday, late afternoon, early evening, on this very thing. A 90 minute under $100 workshop on how to navigate stress and set yourself up for success going into 2024. Don't wait till the beginning of the year. I know that this time of year, although it's some of the most beautiful times of your life, there is the opposite of that, that comes with that too. And I want you to be able to experience all of the full scope of the experience of the holiday. And even when things should get a little crazy, to be able to do that in a way that serves you and the people that you love, the people that you lead so that you can go into 2024 feeling amazing. So you can go to traceyomalley.com for that information. You can find me on Instagram at tracyomalley and until next time, I'm wishing you so much love and transformation in your life. I hope to see you at the workshop and I will see you in a few days.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you.

Into the next level of your life.

Sam.