EP381: Enneagram 101- Peeling back the layers : Understanding your inner conflict - The Enneagram VICES revealed

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy and to be honest.

With you, I was a skeptic of.

The Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life.

In fact, in true enneagram 8 style.

I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. This is an enneagram101 episode where you get information about the components and framework around the Enneagram. And today I wanted to talk about a really important part that will allow you to use this tool like a compass. And I talk about this a lot. The Enneagram is a tool. It isn't the end all, be all. It doesn't put you in a box. It isn't about the stereotypes, it isn't about the fun memes. But when you understand and compassionately are able to look at yourself and the framework that is attached to your core Enneagram type, this is where you can accelerate transformation in your life. And today I want to talk about one of the things that really allows me to understand more about the motive and the fears which is at the core of your core Enneagram type. It's also why, you know, when we talk about the Enneagram and when people ask, can my type change?

Understanding the vice that is there to kind of protect the motive and the fears will allow you to see that the expression of your enneagram type can change, but really at the core of who you are, it doesn't. And for those of you that are a little newer to the enneagram, you know that it is this beautiful archetype framework that is rooted in core motives and core fears. A lot of the other beautiful personal development tools that are out there kind of focus on behaviors. And if you have taken an online assessment before, chances are it is inaccurate. 65 to 70% of the time, they are inaccurate. And so if you're using this like a GPS kind of stuff system for your growth, having the right information is key. But one of the reasons why those assessments are inaccurate is because they focus more on the behaviors rather than the why behind what we do. And today's topic about vices really gets more into the soul of why, right? And when we're triggered and. And when nature and nurture kind of collide, right?

We.

We have this beautiful nature that we're born with. We have this divine makeup, our soul blueprint, that I believe, you know, when we use the tool of the framework, can help us have a language around what that might look like. And when we get dropped into life, right? This is where nature or nurture and our environment collide with our nature. And when we understand what is at the root of our motives and at our fears, you will see this vice come out to play from time to time. And it usually is.

Where we have a lot of shame, a lot of anger, where some of the not so beautiful parts of our personality come into play to help us survive, right? And I say that because anytime we're taking a look at ourselves, I know that if you're listening right now, you're somebody that wants to grow. You want to transform your life in some way, personally, professionally, both. And, you know, you've had to take an honest look at some things in your life, and that's really hard to do because usually you pull out the shame stick or. Or we get fearful, anxious, angry, all the things, and then the cycle continues again. The enneagram can help you compassionately have a better understanding of who you are, why you do what you do, and how to leverage that to move forward. Okay.

So today we're going to talk about the vices. And the vices are what comes into play.

When our biggest fear is about to be exposed, compromised, we're intruded on somebody's getting in the way of what motivates us or we're getting in the way of what motivates us. And when you understand the vice, this will allow you to understand yourself a little bit better and kind of why you do what you do, what's at the root of it, and also other people. So I wanted to go into this with you on each Enneagram type. It'll be a brief overview of that. Obviously, when I dive deep with somebody on a one on one call or through, you know, group workshops or team workshops or, or couples or partner session, we kind of talk about this stuff more in depth. But to get the right information, you can already go over to tracy omalley.com work with me section, get your blueprint where those assessments are accurate 95% of the time. So you'll kind of know like what you're working with for sure. Or you can always book a one on one session with me too, if you want. I absolutely, strongly encourage. What we can do in 90 minutes is like 10 years of therapy. And I will say that I've heard that probably more than 20 times. I'm not saying I'm a therapist by any means, but understanding this and allowing you to use this information and integrate it in your life really will allow you to take a more compassionate look at yourself and course correct before, you know, shit hits the fan or you blow up your life like I did. You know, I don't recommend that. I wish I had had this information and a willingness to use and integrate this in my life at a compassionate level. Because when you do that, compassion is the key to really using all the personal development tools in your life. Whether it's the Enneagram or anything else in your life. If you aren't meeting yourself with compassion honestly, the cycles will continue to go. But I wanted to talk about the vices today, right? And like I said, this is what comes out when.

Our motives are being compromised. We're standing in our own way. Our biggest fear is about to be compromised. So we'll start with the let's start with the five, six and sevens. We'll start in the thinking center of intelligence, right? And if you're not familiar with the centers of intelligence, this is probably the most important understanding that you can have around the Enneagram. I've done many different episodes on that. But when we bypass out of our intuition and our regulated nervous system, we kind of default to the parts of our personality, right, where our core motives and our core fears are. Right. They. They can be used in conjunction with an honoring of our nervous system and an honoring of our intuition. But a lot of times we use the centers of intelligence and our default for survival, not nexus, necessarily to thrive. And so in the. The thinking center of intelligence, the 5, 6, and 7 reside. So they are more like forward thinkers, visionaries. You know, they're always kind of, what do I think about this? What could happen, right? And the vice of the enneagram 5 is avarice. And it is kind of, you know, that is kind of like hoarding. All right? And I'm going to explain that. The biggest fear and the biggest. And the core motive of the enneagram 5, the core motive is, again, a form of certainty in regards to information, knowledge and resources. Right? And you can see where that vice comes into play if that is about to be compromised. Their biggest fear is not knowing and not having enough information. And so this is why avarice, hoarding comes into play, because they believe a lot of the times, if they haven't worked on this and integrated some of their own growth in their life, that more is better if they hoard this information and hoard their energy and hoard their wisdom and hoard all of that, that they will have certainty that they are equipped. Right? But the problem is, is there isn't this exchange, and it actually overwhelms them even more, because even though, you know, they're very wise and have a lot of information, more can create more overwhelm, paralyzation, disconnection. And I know a lot of Fives that are in relationship. This is part of their journey, and their work is knowing that, you know, they can share that, and it won't deplete them fully, especially if they know how to communicate their need for that independence. But if you are a type 5, or love or lead a type 5, this is really important to understand that this will come into play. It isn't meant to beat yourself up again. It's like the warning lights on the car, you guys. When you find yourself doing that as an enneagram 5, it's like, oh, I. I fear that I'm not prepared. I don't have enough information. I don't have enough resources. Maybe I feel like people are going to deplete me and how do I communicate this a little more effectively rather than just running and hiding into the hoarding cave? Right. For the Sixes, fear, right, that seems pretty obvious, but for Sixes, it's next level. Right? Sixes are motivated also by a form of certainty in the thinking center. But their certainty comes in the form of being prepared, having information in a different way, troubleshooting. They have lots of questions. They. They gather supplies, right? Their biggest fear is being blindsided, right? So that's why they ask a lot of questions. It's why they're, they're slow to trust, but once they do, like if you cross them, it's a very big deal. And so they're always analyzing everything, their relationships.

Their. Their fear around letting people support them, how they deal with anxiety, this fear, although there's not better troubleshooters on the Enneagram, it's why they are the best strategists. They are the best troubleshooters. You got to have one in your circle for sure. But that fear of not having enough information to be prepared for a blind side can paralyze them from taking action. And honestly, I've seen many a six blow up their really solid relationships because of this fear. Or one thing happens and they write you off, right? And I know if you are a six or love or lead a six, you probably have seen this come into play. Finally, in the thinking center of intelligence resides the seven. Which is the enthusiastic visionary. The six is the loyal skeptic. The five is the quiet specialist or the investigator. The seven rounds out the thinking center of intelligence as the enthusiastic visionary, also motivated by a form of certainty. But their certainty comes in the form of having all freedom and choices. And nobody's going to tell them that they can't do something, right? And so the fear is that people are going to try to restrict them or that they're going to miss out, right? So their vice is gluttony. They want all the things all the time, whenever they choose to. And so that gluttony, you know, they're the shiny object chasers. And there's, there's a healthy thing in believing that anything's possible because they're the visionaries of the world, they're the innovators. It's, they're amazing at that. But knowing that, Are they chasing the shiny object to avoid pain? Are they chasing a shiny object to avoid something that isn't fun anymore? Right?

This is also why sevens can be most prone to addiction. If they're not careful, all types can fall into this. But sevens have to really watch us because of the wanting to avoid pain and also wanting this insatiable gluttonous need met, right? So if you are a seven and recognize that you have this insatiable need for more, more, more, more, more. And if you really get compassionately honest with yourself and recognize that maybe it's coming from an avoidance of something painful, or you feel like your freedom and choices are being taken somewhere else in your life, so you're trying to overcompensate somewhere else. That's why understanding this can really, really help you. Okay, now we're going to move into the instinctual center of intelligence, where the Eights, the Nines and the Ones are. They are motivated, all three of them, in a form of independence, autonomy and control of some sort of how it looks is really, really different for all three of these. They are more in the what do I need to do about this category first. I know we all do this, but the instinctual center goes, what do I need to do about this? And what is happening right now? Okay, for the Eights, my fellow Eights.

That independence and autonomy and control, that motive is rooted in the form of strength and power, right? That's what independence and autonomy and control means. For an enneagram 8, their biggest fear is being put into into a vulnerable situation or being betrayed or violated. And so a lot of times the vice of the Eight, which is lust, can come into play. This insatiable kind of intensity to maintain and let the world be unnoticed. That we have all the power and we are stronger than anybody. And this is kind of why Eights will throw them into situations to flex. They're always kind of going head first into a fight or conflict. Not always because it's the right thing to do, to give them independence, autonomy and control, but to reassure themselves and sometimes the world that they are strong and they are powerful. I've had to watch this one really, really closely with compassion again, it's like, am I doing this because of the flex or am I doing this because the. This is actually the right thing to do? That's the difference between, like lust, this insatiable need to be intense and fight and. And all the things and. And just feel powerful. Or is this actually the right thing to do? This is why this is a great compass for the Nines. Their independence, autonomy and control comes in the form of harmony, right? Having harmony within and in their environment. And when that is compromised or they feel like they have to abandon it or people are intruding. The vice of the enneagram 9 is sloth, right? It's where they go from Yoda to like a shell of a human.

They settle for short term harmony, but create a long term problem, right? They end up more controlled when they, you know, take one for the Team temporarily. This is the hard part about kind of what is happening right now is an enneagram 9 will settle for that in the short game, but create a long game problem. And then they feel controlled and instead of dealing with it, they just kind of like, I don't care, whatever you want. They go through the motions. They do have very, very strong opinions, my Enneagram Nines, but they won't always express it for fear of creating a disharmony. But then they know that they have self abandoned or they don't know. Sometimes this is a subconscious deal for nines especially probably my more self preservation Enneagram Nines. But this sloth comes into play where they are spiritually, energetically, kind of just going through the motions and kind of lazy of spirit. Not lazy human beings, but can be lazy of spirit when they have self abandoned. Really important for Enneagram Nines and those that love or lead them to understand they aren't lazy people, not at all. But when you start to see those kind of behaviors come out in them or that sloth like energy, it usually means that they have swept a lot under the rug and that they just don't even know how to access their own opinions currently. So really important for the Enneagram ones to round out the instinctual center of intelligence, also motivated by independence, autonomy and control and how they go about that. The motive is in being good and right. Their biggest fear is being wrong and not being a good person. And.

So, you know, it's very black and white for an Enneagram one. Nobody is more black and white than an Enneagram one. And we live in a gray area world. And so you can understand for an Enneagram one if their righteousness or their goodness is being compromised or questioned, even worse, questioned. The vice of the Enneagram one is anger, right? And it usually shows up in the form of resentment. Because Unlike an enneagram 8, an enneagram 1 doesn't necessarily love to fight. They will. They will get resentful and angry, but usually it takes them a lot longer to pop off than like an enneagram 8. And so that resentment is an underlying energy that isn't always spoken, right? It comes out in body language, in criticism, in May, even some passive aggressive or aggressive verbiage. But usually it's more in this energy that it's like, oh, you can feel it. And then we start avoiding Enneagram ones. But if you are in Enneagram one understanding this resentment piling up, usually by the time the resentment has Piled up their expression of their dissatisfactory satisfaction. Vacation satisfaction is salty and not necessarily kind. And so it's less effective, which, you know, ones love to be effective. So when you start to feel as an enneagram one that resentment pile up, first of all, a lot of that's a projection because you're very hard on yourself as well, right? A lot of times when we have anger and resentment, it's usually as a result of not speaking our truth. Sooner or we have been using a whipping stick on ourselves as well. And so then we project that out into the world. Really important if you are an enneagram one to understand or if you love or lead one. All right, the final center of intelligence and the vices we're going to talk about are for the two, the three and the four in the heart center of intelligence. All three of these types are motivated by a form of significance. All three of these types default to what do I feel about this? And what has happened. All three find their worth a lot of the times in being significant in this world. There's a healthy way to go about that and a not so healthy way to go about that. And when their significance is about to be compromised or they don't believe in their own significance, their vices come out to play. And for an enneagram too, their form of significance usually comes in the form of what they do for other people. Their biggest fear is not being loved or appreciated. And so when that starts to get compromised or they don't feel that love and appreciation, their vice is pride. This is where a two who is called the considerate helper, right, can go from being kind and generous to prideful and almost like a martyr, right? Where they, whether they are aware of it or not, you know, pride will come when they feel like, well I have done this for you, you should reciprocate or I am better than you because I'm so kind and considerate. And a lot of times twos come by this so innocently, they don't even realize it's a subconscious thing that they're giving to get right. You can be loved and appreciated without self abandoning and self sacrificing and all the things. But it's a slippery slope for an enneagram too because so much of their significance comes in connection of other people. So they have to have strong boundaries. But usually, you know, they've experienced some stuff in their life where they're rewarded for the over giving and the self abandoning and all the things. And then the pride kicks in right. Important to understand when you love, lead, or are an Enneagram too. For the Enneagram Threes, they also are motivated by a form of significance, but it comes in the form of what they do, what they achieve, or how they appear in the world. And their biggest fear is not being the best, right? Where for the Twos, it's not being loved and appreciated. That's where their significance is. For the Threes, it is about being the very, very best. And so they can have blinders on, right? They don't care a lot of the time about who or what is in their way, when they're not at their healthiest and if they believe they're not going to be their best or, you know, there's a chance that's not going to happen, or you don't believe that they're the best. Deceit is the enneagram3's vice. And this is where they can get the bad rap of being fake or manipulative or narcissistic or. Or all the things an actor, actress.

But they deceive themselves too. A lot of times, Enneagram Threes don't even realize they're doing it. And again, they come by, most of the time, come by this innocently. It doesn't give anybody permission to be an asshole or any of these things for any of the types, right? But this is where we can meet people with compassion when we start. This is why, like, when I was learning about the Enneagram Threes were probably the ones that I judged the most, because I can see right through the deceit and the. The putting the show on in order to be significant. And I would judge it like, oh my God.

But now when I see this happening, and I see it a lot, I have compassion because they're deceiving themselves too, because they believe somewhere along the line that the only way that they're worthy is if. If they do, if they achieve or. Or how the world perceives them. So they will sacrifice themselves. They will sacrifice their relationships, their body, their health, and deceive themselves to cross the finish line first, right? So if you are a three, this is where burnout happens in your relationships and your health and your bodies. Workaholism, things like that. If you cycle through relationships and friends or you notice that you jump from thing to thing in order to cross a finish line first, are you deceiving yourself? And if you love or lead an enneagram3.

Telling them they're being deceitful won't work. There's a gentle way in which you go about this, too. And finally, finally, but last but not least, our Enneagram Fours, the Enneagram Twos are called the considerate Helper, the Enneagram Threes, the competitive achiever. The Enneagram Fours are called the individualist, the intense creative, or the romantic. They are motivated by signi significance as well, but theirs is an internal job. They are on the constant quest to discover their authentic self. And I know that all of us are, you know, but specifically, the fours are constantly trying to figure out who they are and what am I here to be do? And that's where their significance comes.

They're amazing, right? They're the creatives, the artists, the musicians, the storytellers, the poets, the foodies, the fashionistas, all sorts of creative outlets for an enneagram 4. And the thing is, is they are unique. I have Never met enneagram4. That is like the other. Their biggest fear is of abandonment. You know, on this quest to find their authentic selves, they have a lot of feelings about a lot of things, and they know that it's a lot. And they also recognize that a lot of people don't have that many emotions as they do. So one of two things usually happens. And. And like I said, there's not one enneagram4 that I've ever met that is like the other. They're the hardest to type. Almost never do they show up as a 4 on any of the online assessments. They usually get mistyped almost always because they're constantly changing to figure out who they are. But that's why my assessment's amazing, you guys. But usually for a four on this constant quest to figure out who they are, when they're in their little zone, they do great. You know, they're in their flow, in their creativity, and then they look up and they look around. And especially now more than ever with the Internet and social media, they look around and recognize that they are very different. And instead of embracing that.

Sometimes they think something's missing in them that everybody else has, right? And like I said, one of two things are going to happen. Either they completely internalize it and go inward, and they're most prone to depression. Any type is prone to depression, but for specifically or in order to engage people, and, you know, their biggest fear is, is abandonment. They will almost engage people even if it's negative, because if, at least if you're engaging, they're not going to abandon them, right? It's that negative kind of reinforcement. And I've seen all Types of fours kind of do that. And so their vice is envy. Big difference between jealousy and envy. Fours are not jealous. Typically. They really, really aren't. The fours that I have in my life are super cheerleaders, and they are super encouraging of me and, you know, are never jealous of me. But envy is a different story. Envy believes 4, 4, that there's something missing in them. Not that there isn't plenty to go around for everyone, but they truly do believe that something's missing in them that everybody else has. And that's why it can get really, really dark for a four. And, you know, really important if you are a four. Especially important if you love one or lead one to understand this part.

And knowing that their biggest fear is of abandonment. So always reassuring them that no matter how extra they are, you're not going anywhere. It's really, really, really important. And, you know, in. In a lot of the work that I do, especially with couples and partners, you know, it's in relationships that we get triggered the most. It's also in relationships that we've experienced the most intensity of experiences, good or not so good, right? And so a lot of these vices start to come out in intimacy into me, you see, right? And I'm not just talking romantic intimacy. I'm talking, you know, client work, co workers, parent, child, siblings, any kind of intimacy. Because it is the most vulnerable aspect of our life. It's where we have the biggest opportunity of our. Our core fear being compromised or intruded upon. So understanding the vices for yourself and also the people that you love and lead are really, really important. If this is something that you want to dive deeper into, I would love to hear what you have learned about the vices for yourself, for people.

Are in relationship with how important self awareness is. Like, awareness is just part of the process, right? Everything about personal development today is like, oh, we have self awareness, but then we go into, like, taking radical action to make the pain stop, right? Which, yes, that's great, but that's a temporary solution. Understanding that, yes, these things are really important for self awareness, but acknowledging that's why I love the work with the Enneagram with people, because most of us skip from awareness to action, awareness to action. Put a band aid on it, like, let's make it stop. But then it wears off and the cycle continues. It's the beautiful work in acknowledgment, this messy part in the middle, that the Enneagram can streamline this process a little bit faster. It doesn't bypass it but it can streamline and accelerate your transformation. But you have to know what to do with this. You have to be able to be okay sitting in some of the uncomfortable temporarily so that when you do take action, it's not only effective, but it's compassionate and it breaks the cycles. And if you want to dive deeper into this, I do 90 minute one on one sessions is some of my. I will always do these. It's some of my favorite work to do. I can do it by. By yourself. I can do it in with a partner session. Whether it's, you know, co worker, friend, parent, child, spouse, whatever that partner is. Any two people can jump on this. Really, really beautiful. To understand this and take a different look at the way that we respond to life, it doesn't have to make it. We don't have to make it as hard as we do sometimes, but we can only kind of really break the cycles with compassion and empathy.

And that isn't always easy. I know I'm. I'm my own worst critic sometimes and I want to help you eliminate that in your life too. You can go to Tracey O' Malley.com the work with me section to find out more about those one on one sessions. I can even be in your back pocket for three months. If if you know like this is something that is holding you back in every area of your life, personally and professionally, I highly recommend my private VIP coaching. Or if you just want to start with the right information, get my Enneagram. Enneagram blueprint. If you've taken an online assessment before they're inaccurate, take mine. You'll have the right information and you will be well on your way to transforming your life in the way that feels really freaking good.

And having this beautiful tool to help you move forward. You can tune into other episodes. We're almost at episode number 400, which is crazy. The podcast will be four years old in a few weeks. I can't believe that. As well. As always, I'm super grateful for you. I love helping you bring the tool of the Enneagram into every aspect of your life so that you can love and lead and grow and thrive and feel every bit of juice in this life that you deserve. I'm wishing you so much love and transformation and we'll see you soon.

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Into the next level of your life.

Sam.