EP382: The Enneagram Hotline - Cracking the tough shell and leveraging the softer side of strength with Jennifer Staats (SO Enneagram 8)

We are living in this boss babe era where strong, independent, fierce, beautiful women are taking charge in the entrepreneurial space and oftentimes in our homes as well as single parents. And I find that this is a common thing that is going on not just with me, but with many, many women that are wearing many hats. And Whether you're an enneagram 8 or not, you're going to take so much from this episode on, really learning how vulnerability is the superpower in our homes and in the world and how to navigate that and how to empower the people in our lives and to get the support that we so desire, that we so deserve. This is a really beautiful episode with my fellow enneagram8, Jennifer Stats. Dive in and buckle up because it's a good one.

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professionally. Hi, I'm Tracy and to be honest with you, my I was a skeptic.

Of the Enneagram before I started to.

Actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to f off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool, I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of.

It just being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

All right, Jennifer, I was so excited to see your name pop up on my calendar for the Enneagram Hotline because you are a fellow enneagram8 like me and enneagram8 women are the most misunderstood on the entire scope of the Enneagram. So anytime that I can collectively get with my people that are wired the same way, I'm always excited about it. And, you know, you're very deceiving to look at. You don't look like you've got the fire of an eight just looking at you, which I'm sure I get the same thing sometimes. But definitely when I'm in your presence, I can feel that. And, you know, as you know, there's really great parts about that, and then there's the other side of that, you know, where those same superpowers can become your kryptonite. So what made you kind of wanted to dig a little deeper? Because you were part of a workshop that I did within a mastermind. And so we dove pretty deep. And I know it was new to you. You didn't even know what the Enneagram was when it showed up, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I didn't even know what it was. And thanks for having me today. I think. I think it probably stems from us doing that workshop and then, you know, trying to learn more and then even more. So, like, you know, I'm at the weekend at the pitch club, and, you know, everyone's talking about, you know, what. What Enneagram are you? And, blah, blah, blah, we've got a couple. I ended up being next to a couple eights.

Yeah.

And one of them's like, I don't see you as being eight at all. But then someone next to me is like. Then she had spent maybe 15 minutes with me, was like, oh, no, I see it. And that, to me, almost makes me question even more, like, what are you seeing of me and what are you seeing of me? And, like, what's the difference there? And I think that really was, like, when I. That's why I'm on your calendar.

Yeah. I love it. Well, and that's the thing. You know why I'm so passionate about talking about the Enneagram? Because it is very trendy, which pisses me off. You know, I never would have been, like, your Enneagram person out in the world if it didn't piss me off. It wasn't to jump on a trend. It wasn't even to make millions of dollars as it. But it pissed me off so much. And this is an eight thing, right. It's like, you guys, you're missing the boat. And that's why. I mean, although I love that everybody was talking about the Enneagram, it's also like, ugh, they're going off behaviors and stereotypes and all the shit that really dumbs down the Enneagram. So, you know, the Enneagram is based on the motive and the fear, like, the core. That doesn't really change in who we are. And you are absolutely somebody who likes to be strong and independent and autonomous and in control. Right. Like, that pretty much motivates every decision you make as a spouse, as a mother, and as a business owner. Right. Even the way that your career has shifted. You were in real estate for 14 years as an agent, right?

Mm.

And then decided to be, like, head of operations for all these different real estate business professionals of all different sorts. Like, that's a very big eight move, and I love it. I mean, not only are you creating more independence and autonomy for yourself, but you're absolutely doing that for all these other people. And when an eight steps into that, like, that's when real change is made within any industry or within any kind of community. So. All right, so I know you have a few questions. What is, like, the first one that you've got?

I mean, I have two. I have two young girls, one of which is super sensitive, and one of which is, like, wild and crazy. And so I want to know, you know, like, just being a mother is an eight. Like, you know, I want to be.

I want to be sensitive, but I'm not naturally the most sensitive person. Like, I don't. You've spent time with me, like, you can. It's very hard to make me cry. It's just, I. That's just how I live my life.

So, like, what? I mean, coming from another eight, like, what would be your recommendation with that?

So this was why I fell in love with the Enneagram. And I have two children as well. One is highly, highly sensitive. One is more like your other one. Like, the free spirit kind of like, anything goes kind of kid. And when I was learning about the Enneagram and realized, like, I'm a very great tactical mom, like, just like you, like, I get shit done. Make it happen. They'll never have to worry. Super protective. All the things that are really great as an eight, right? Like, seriously, you mess with us, I'll bury your body, and I won't even think twice about it. Right? Like, so our kids as enneagram 8 moms feel very protected.

And supported and that, like, the basic needs of life will always be handled. Like, we figure it out. One of the things that, you know, when I was going through my initial stages of really growing myself over a decade ago. And I was like becoming very aware, like, great, I'm attacked. I'm a great tactical mom, but I'm not the most nurturing. I love them deeply, but that doesn't always translate, no matter how well intended we are, especially as enneagram8women, right? So like I realized I had to build this muscle up and I. It isn't a natural go to for us to be nurturing. The way that we nurture is through protection and tactical ways, right? The good news is we can learn and we can build that muscle. The cool thing about Enneagram Eights is our growth number, if you remember, is the enneagram2. And ironically, you and I both also have the enneagram 2 in our tri type. So when we are dealing with feelings or processing feelings or what has happened, you and I operate in process, like twos with our feelings. Now, an unhealthy two can look like an unhealthy eight. So that's kind of where it can get like extra aggressive, right? Because then we're fiercely, fiercely protective, especially of our people. But the good news about that is also we have the ability to be compassionate and empathetic. But because you and I measure Enneagram eights, measure everything by are we strong or are we weak? And if we were raised in environments and put into environments, that being the tough girl was actually rewarded. And we have evidence in our careers that that is rewarded. Especially in male dominated industries that you and I both have been in. I mean, so we're getting reinforced. That tough girl energy and the stoicism and the walls up actually is rewarded in our bank accounts and in other areas of our life. But as a mother, it will be the thing. It will be the thing. And when I understood this, even though it's still not a natural go to for me to be compassionate, empathetic when my sensitive kid is in the woe is me.

Shit.

I catch myself energetically judging him from time to time. And I have to remember that that actual vulnerability is strength. But you and I see that sometimes as weakness. And we have to learn that. Actually, we could learn something from our highly sensitive kids, especially you and I, right? And knowing that too is part of who we are.

Kind of unlearning what we have learned about what strong is and recalibrating that measuring stick for what a strong girl is, has been game changing. As a mom, I'm still spicy as fuck. I still will bury a body in my backyard. However, when it comes to true connection, especially with my kids.

I try to drop into who they are and how they are motivated and how they fear. So like your sensitive one is motivated by significance, most likely. Right. And who they are in this world where you and I are motivated by independence and autonomy, total. No matter how we swing it, it's going to be different. And when we can speak to our kids motives and their biggest fear is not being significant. You and I don't give a what people think about us. Your sensitive one does. And it doesn't make them wrong. And if we try to put them in our box, which I did for 14 years until I realized this, for 14 years I tried to shove my son in that like, don't care what people think box, but he does. And your daughter probably does.

I've literally said that. I can just, I can hear myself right now. Like, don't. Who cares?

But he does and she does. Yeah. And so I had to reframe that. Like, that will always be important to them and it doesn't make them weak. And once I understood that, how do I speak to it where my child feels seen, heard, understood, and valued for their fears and their motives. Because quite honestly, I don't have to care what people think about me, but I do care about people. And that is the strength of your sensitive daughter and the strength of my son. So when I started saying things like, I understand that that hur. This person may not like you or treated you poorly. I get it. That has to hurt. And you know, then I kind of deliver, you know, my, my wisdom.

Right.

But it's like honoring who they are on the front end and, and having compassion. That. That is their biggest fear is not being loved or appreciated. It really is.

And, and how can we speak more to that? Yeah. Right. And that's, honestly, that's going to be her superpower. She'll be a natural connector. She'll be a natural leader. She'll be a natural relationship builder. But if we're honoring who they are and saying that must hurt, it's like, yeah, I get it. And because I see you, I have this extra wisdom that this won't be the last time this happens. And usually when that happens, it's, you know, you're shining your light so bright and they may not like it and that's still hurtful that they're treating you poorly.

And you're going to shine anyway. Right. But because we've respected who they are, whether they're 4 or 14 or now 25, like my son is, because I honor who he is and don't Try to have him not have his feelings about certain things. I'm his first call for any kind of wisdom and learning about boundaries and that, that strength. Okay, does that make sense?

Yep.

What about your other daughter, the one that's not as sensitive? What's the challenge with her? I can guess what it is.

She's just like, throws me for a loop. Like, she, I could totally see her maybe being like a seven. She's just always like on the own beat of her drum and she's always doing all this crazy stuff. And I, I do find myself, like, trying to tone her down. Like, I'm like, what in the world is happening today? She's just, you know, when we're in, we're. When we're in Colorado, she'll be like, out 5am with snow boots on and like a tutu running through the, like, forest. I'm like, you're so anatomy. Right?

I know. I got one of those too. Like, I seriously do. And I was so triggered by her.

A. Because I was like, how do you even function? Right? Is she the 6 year old or the 4 year old?

She's a 4 year old.

Yeah. And I also found myself trying to box my daughter in. And again, when I learned about this, I was like, oh, my gosh. Like, that is their superpower. The belief that anything is possible and nothing is off the table. Like, people like our daughters are, you know, innovators and change makers and inventors and visionaries and Lord knows we all need more of that. Right. But because you and I clearly do not understand how they function or that they, they don't think so far ahead in certain ways. Like, we do that unintentionally. We want them to dim their light a little bit. Yeah.

And that's what I don't want because, like, she's so amazing. But, man, she's just like, she'll talk to anybody. I mean, four years old, she'll talk to anyone. You walk into the school and I told you, we just moved. Only been here a few months. Walk in the school and everybody knows her name. Every adult knows her name. And I'm like, yeah, how do you know my. How do you know her? And I'm. I borderline between, like, being concerned and being like, proud of her. Like, what does this mean for this little tiny baby?

So the thing with, like, kids like that, and when I started recognizing that that was her superpower and I wasn't going to try and like box her in or tell her to focus more or like, she needed to Be respectful. She needed to handle her things right? But be the free spirit. Be whatever you need to be in the world. And, and what was cool about that, Like, I underestimated her for a little while and most of the world did too, because they probably see your daughter and my daughter and think, oh, that's so funny. They're so like free spirited and they underestimate them, underestimate how smart they actually are. And when I understood this about my daughter, I was like, oh my God, you fly. You'll do anything you want in this world. And I actually believe it. I don't know how the she's gonna do it, but I believe she's going to. She'll figure it out in some way that I could have never thought about. And in turn, she's teaching me a little something too. And she's also teaching you and me to play a little bit more. Because we're tightly wound for the most part. You know, when we're independent and autonomous and justice seekers and get shit done kind of people, we don't take the time to play.

And daughters like those are here to teach us that, like.

Just because we play doesn't mean we're weak or that somebody's going to betray us. Your daughter, my daughter, actually are a lot more intuitive than we think they are. We really do know that. So one of the things that I will tell you is I recognize with kids like that if we don't honor who they are, eventually they're gonna chase shiny objects that aren't good for us or good for them. Right? And I recognize that, like when my daughter hit about 14, 15, that I was trying to box her in. And it's cute when they're four because, I mean, they need you when they're 14, 15, she's exposed to peers and other things and she's not in my presence all the time. And I knew that if I didn't understand this about her and speak to it, eventually she's going to chase objects that honor that light. And sometimes the world is scary and cruel.

Thankfully, I caught it and started speaking to it. I'm like, yeah. But she was grounded in knowing, like, I can be this out in the world and she's got strong boundaries and she'll speak up. And not everything's fun and games if you mess with her.

But I have to believe, and I know this to be true, that because I honored who she is, even though I'm like, I don't even know how he. Like, there are days I'm Like, I can't even with her. How did you come out of my vagina? Like, seriously?

And, like, she's my greatest teacher and my best friend, quite honestly, and I am hers because she can still be her. But she's more willing to learn from me because I've earned her credibility and trust because of me seeing her fully and not trying to make her something else. And not like, even when, like, you know, she does things that, like, I know people will judge her for. Like, I don't fucking care. I don't care. Let them judge. That's who she is. Right?

Yeah.

And what has become of that? Not just in our relationship, but how she operates in the world. She's a stellar human being out in the world, so you won't ever understand her like that. You're like, I don't get it. I don't get it. But I love it. I love it.

I totally feel that. I really do. Like, I understand Emma, which is my oldest, I kind of know what to expect. Madison, which is my youngest, I just. You just. I just never know. Like, every day is just super protect.

Like you and I, Like, I was. I could connect with my son, who's the more sensitive one as well.

Because I felt like he needed me to protect him. And you probably feel your sensitive one, you're probably a little bit more connected to her in, you know, in that way because you feel like you can feel her feelings and, you know, the eight in you, your ego, everything about who you are, you shine in protective mama bear mode where. Where with your free spirited one like me, I'm like, she's a loose cannon. I don't know, like, if she gets herself in a pickle, I don't even know what's going on. But when it comes to, like, protecting the sensitive, it's where we're really good. But then we can actually enable if we're not careful too. Okay, so isn't parenting fun?

Super fun.

Yeah. Great. The cool part about all of this is, like, I do believe we are given the children not only that we need in our life to show us the parts of us that need extra loving and extra growth if we choose to. It's also the most triggering thing on the world. In the world is parenting. Yep. Yeah.

Madison knows exactly how to just flip my switch, like one little thing. She just like, boop. And I'm like, what just happened here?

I know, it's crazy. It's crazy. But like, I will tell you, I mean, years are young. Years are only four and six. So, like, thank God. Like, there are times I'm like, God, I wish I knew this stuff before, but where I was in my life, I probably would have tried to manipulate my own children. You know, I wouldn't have used it maybe in integrity as I do now. So, like, the good news is it's never too late, whether they're 4, 6, 14, 25. Like, you know, at any moment we can say, like, I know better now, so I'm going to do better. And as long as we are accountable for that, like our kids, honestly, they respect the hell out of it. They do.

Okay.

All right, what's your next question? I know you got a few.

Well, you know, it kind of is along. I feel like it's along the same lines, but we have 12 employees at Stats.

Currently, which are all women.

So.

You laugh at that, but, you know, we.

Most of our staff are very long term. And, you know, I tread this line of, like, I always want to. I want to remain really warm and friendly and helpful and almost too helpful at some points. But then I know I can come across very just like stern and matter of fact. And I. And I know that comes from, like, my eight energy.

And like, how. How can I kind of balance that? Or maybe it's something that I just have to tell my employees, like, this is how I communicate so they're not caught off guard.

Okay. I struggle with this too.

And I think the more that I communicate this part of it, it might be helpful. Like, I think especially when we're in business and we have teams and a lot of them are women. It's why I always did well in male dominated industries. But women are natural nurturers. Right? Like, it's just how we're wired. And we, we, we are. Even though we're not as warm and fuzzy, we're still. We still are built to be able to do that. I think, especially as eights, we compartmentalize. Like, we can be warm and fuzzy, we can be. We can care deeply about our people, but when it's time to get work done, we go into a different mode. Not only that, like, I think.

Let me ask you this. Have you ever been warm and fuzzy with your people and then ended up resentful that they took that for granted and maybe aren't pulling their weight?

Yeah, that's usually when I go into walls are up, I'm pissed off. In direct mode, if I feel at all like they mistook my compassion and empathy, and then it's like, oh, well, then I can't be warm and fuzzy at all. Otherwise, the job isn't going to get done. And I'd rather them not like me or judge me than my independence, autonomy, my business, my thing to get down. So that's the first thing that you kind of have to watch out for. The good news is we can be both, like, but we have to be very, like, honest. And I've said this before, I remember I was leading this one girl and she got mad at me. I was like, listen, I know we're kind of friendly with each other. And of course, to a lot of women, if we're friendly with each other, we're friends. You and I aren't necessarily like that. I can hug you and care about you, but, like, you're not in my inner circle unless I've chosen you to be in my inner circle. Like, that's not going to happen.

Just accept it. But I do care about you. I do care about you. And a lot of people, men and women, get butt sore about that. Right? But that is who we are. The thing that I had to say to this one girl, she wanted to be, like, my best friend. I was like, listen, lady, I like you and I'm here to lead you. She worked with me. I can be friendly and casual with you, but I can't flow between all of that in the same conversation. So if we're talking work, you're going to get a different version of me. You're going to get the direct, like, no bullshit CEO girl. Now if we're going to be, like, chatting about, like, the baseball game or, you know, this lip gloss or whatever the hell we're going to be chatting about, like, I can't intermingle that. Yeah, I can't and I won't because I'm not at my best if I'm unfocused over here. And some people like that and some people don't. Some people appreciate that, like, oh, as long as I know it's going to be okay. The thing is, is a lot of people have to kind of guess which version Jennifer is showing up.

And so the more that you can actually speak to it, like, okay. And so, like, with a lot of my calls, I say, okay, we're going to block 10 minutes for personal. And then once that 10 minutes over, we're total work mode.

Okay, maybe I should do that.

Sometimes I feel bad.

Like, I'll like, hey, I don't really want to. I don't want to hear about that yet. We have to talk about this other thing that, like, there's this fire we've got to put out. And I'm like, how? Are we talking about your nail appointment or something?

Seriously. So, I mean, real time. I had a conversation with somebody that works with me and highly sensitive. Enneagram2. Amazing. And I had been feeling resentment because I felt like, oh, we intermingled too much of friendly talk. Now my shit's not getting done, and now I don't even want to be friends with you right in this moment. And that's not facts. And that's also not what I want to convey because she's very valuable in my life, right? So I said, we need to have a meeting. And she's like, business or personal? And I said, business. And she's like, okay, tell me what to be prepared with. And I said, listen, I want you to come prepared with an open mind and add an extra 10 minutes onto our call time so we can be personal with each other, too.

And it just happened yesterday, that conversation, like, the actual scheduled call. And it was beautiful. Like, the first 10 minutes was personal and the kids and the things. And then we went right into it, and I had to have the hard conversation. I'm like, I'm feeling resentful. And it was a beautiful conversation because she felt nurtured, which is really important to her. She cares about what people think. That's okay. I have something to learn from her. And I was like, direct and like, this is unacceptable, and this has to change, otherwise you're gonna lose my trust, and then that's not gonna end well. Yeah, she took it like a champion. So even though it's not like we like to just be in go mode all the time as an eight and get shit done, and we think it's weak sometimes, whether we're aware of it or not. What makes us strong leaders in our home and in our businesses is connecting with people. But put the boundary on it. Like, listen, we got 10 minutes in this meeting. We can talk about your nail appointment, we can talk about the children, we can talk about whatever. But when that clock stops, we're in go mode. And you're going to notice they're going to not feel like they're walking on eggshells or, like, bracing for impact or. And when they're in that mode of bracing for impact or walking on eggshells, you're never going to get best out of them. So at least kind of. And so this will save you time and make you a stronger leader, which is, like, our love language, right? So, like, having that bulk of Time just for nurturing that relationship and making them feel seen, heard, understood, and valued for who they are. Like, you will get the best out of them, the. The rest of the meeting and beyond because they won't have to guess that you care about them. They'll know because you took the time. That can be a game changer for you and your business, especially leading all women. There's a lot of feelings.

Yeah.

I know. And that's. And. And we have a lot to learn from them, but it's a lot. It's a lot.

Yeah, it is a lot. Okay, that's great. That's great feedback. Because that's great feedback, not only for my team, but, like, all the other teams I manage, too. I can end up, like, I feel like wasting a whole day because I've talked to all these people and they're sharing all these things with me, and I'm like. And then my brain says, I didn't get all this stuff done when really I did, but it's hard.

And we're also. Here's the other thing. We're also helping those people who. Especially those that can go off on a tangent personally, to give them healthy boundaries within their conversations and also.

Not allow them to bypass and avoid hard conversations as well. So, like, yesterday, I honestly, I don't know if I've ever been more proud of myself as a leader by. Because I didn't want to do the nurturing part of conversation because I was mad. I was mad shit wasn't getting done, but I was like, no, I care about her. I care about how good of a job she does. I care about her growth, and I care about our collaboration together. And so actually building in that 10 minutes made the rest of that conversation and beyond. And you know what happened today? I got an email, and all sorts of shit's done.

Awesome.

Okay. All sorts of it. And I won't resent the next time she brings up her children or her nail appointment, because I know, like, we can do both. We can do both. And actually, it makes us better when we do both. And then when we go with our kids, we already are flexing that muscle a little bit, so. Which is cool. Like, that's the cool part.

Yeah.

It's not natural for us, but we can build that muscle.

We can do it. Yeah.

Okay. All right. I know you got one more, don't you?

I mean, this one's more of, like, a general question. Like, I've been really just trying to, like, embrace who I am, like, as a whole, this past Year, like, you've seen a lot of it. Just trying to, like, really get down to, like, what makes me me what, you know, I know what my passions are, but I think I've always lived in this, I don't know, box or whatever of, like, what people think.

I should be or what I should act like or all these things. And like, you know, running the business I do, I've obviously figured out where my zone of genius is. So that's one part of just discovering who I am. Like, I'm like, I'm really good at this stuff. It brings passion to me. I help other people, all these things. That's a big part of it. And, you know, my kids too. But I think, like, the Enneagram has made me just think on it as well. Like, so how. I mean, it's. It's funny because we're both eights and Aries and all these things, but, like, like, any tips on just, like, fully embracing that as a whole?

Yeah. How old are you?

34.

Oh, you're so young. It's such a great age. Like, what a great age. And this will evolve in your love of this. You know, it's. Even though we love who we are, like, we're strong and powerful. There's no doubt about it. Like, even though you are more reserved and quiet and not as loud as I can be, your energy doesn't have a poker face. And like, I could feel your eight ness and. And there are times I really love that because it allows us to protect ourselves. Like, people can feel it and they're not sure what to think about it, and they can't put their finger on it. Some are, like, cling on. Like, they gotta know. They gotta know which we can't stand or we repel them, which we love. But we also miss connection. Like, we really do want conn, but we also get repelled when people want too much of our. We don't like to be intruded on at all. And we. And we second guess people's motives all the time. And that's why we're great. And it's also why we feel alone a lot or feel lonely. We can be around a whole room of people and feel very lonely sometimes. And part of us really likes it because we can't be betrayed, violated, or put in a vulnerable situation if nobody's fucking with us, right? But it also feels really lonely when we would love to be supported. So the things that I've really needed to embrace and reframe, you know, that being strong you know, we're wired. That's our measuring stick. That is our love language. Right. And when people tell us how strong we are, we salivate, basically.

But we have to really understand what strong means. Truly, the best version of strong is vulnerability, is compassion, is empathy. Mother Teresa is an eight like us, and she is very nurturing and compassionate, but she'd cut a bitch if she had to. Like, seriously, Mother Teresa would. And so we can hold both in our hands and recognizing that vulnerability and connection.

Is where it's at for us. And we. We can't do it by just understanding it. We have to. The only way we can build that muscle is in relationship with other people, which is scary for us. Yeah, it's very scary for us because our biggest fear is being betrayed and violated. Where your empathetic daughter is like not being loved and appreciated. We don't care about that. But if you betray us, like, that's like a death to us. Because we usually see it coming, you know, but when we're doing that all the time, we put this energetic wall between connection of other human people. Like, I was married for 14 years. I never let them penetrate that wall. Never. I didn't know it at the time, but it's what creates disconnect. The other thing is, is especially when we're feeling vulnerable in real time, you and I usually just figure it out on our own.

Right? Yep. The only time we'll talk about it transparently is after we've already figured out how to handle it and we actually don't need any of your help. It still may feel vulnerable to share.

That's the difference between transparency and vulnerability.

This is going to be your lifelong lesson. And especially when I'm feeling weak, however I've judged that, or you're feeling weak, or I feel I'm in a vulnerable situation, or I've been betrayed or violated in some way. That's usually when we isolate ourselves, even when we're in a room full of people.

And that actually makes it harder on us to connect and it puts more armor on us where, in fact, I've had to really learn and practice this. And our mutual friend Rebecca is one of the greatest assets you could have in your life, honestly, because she is one of the safest human beings and would never judge us as weak for leaning in. So practice with her. Okay, so in real time, though, I'll give you a scenario. I had a situation happen last year that, like, blindsided by betrayal, would have never seen it coming. I was also blindsided in my marriage, like 15 years ago. And I did not have these tools then. And I literally went to jail for beating the shit out of him. Like I did. Not a shining moment, right?

Yeah.

When I was betrayed last year, Equal pain, honestly, was just as bad as what I felt, you know, back 15 years ago. Instead of killing people and hurting people and hurting myself and leaving a trail of wreckage, I leaned in in real time, not knowing to how. How I was going to figure that out or how I was going to get through that hurt. And I prayed. I was like, please don't close my heart down. I need to keep an open heart here. And I could learn something in community with people that I vetted. And the cool thing about you is you have a strong vetting system on who you can trust. It may only be three people in your lifetime, and that's fine. Eights will never have a big inner circle, ironically, like, you know the mastermind you're in. But find your people and be unapologetic about leaning in vulnerably. It will never feel comfortable, but it does get easier when you practice it. Okay. And that's where you will not only feel not so lonely in this quest of entrepreneurship and motherhood and being a strong 34 year old woman, but you'll also build those compassion and empathy muscles as your children move into harder areas. Trust me, when they're like 10 and 12.

You know, yeah, I know I'm not ready.

Yeah. And even as a wife, like, you know what you and I can do, this is something to be mindful of. To enneagram 8 women unintentionally sometimes emasculate the men in our life.

Because we're so strong and independent and men, for the most part, want to be a superhero. Like, I bet your husband is a little boy at some point had a spider man or Superman cape of some sort. Right? And us as enneagram8women forget that we can allow other people to be a superhero in our life. Whether it's other women like you and I or Rebecca or the men in our life. And one of the things that has really enhanced not only the relationship with my own son, but my partner in life is letting them vulnerably take care of things that I usually handle. It's really hard for me to do. Okay. You'll notice the communication with your partner also get better. And it's. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. That softer side of us is actually what makes us powerful beyond measure. And energetically, we're not as frickin tired.

Yeah, I can totally see that. I think my husband yesterday was like trying to help me with something and he's like, do you need a hug? And I'm like, no, I actually don't. I'm just gonna go outside.

But let him. Let him hug you. Or even say, you know what? I can't wait to get your hugs. Like, I've been doing a lot more of that. And I've let my son hug me a little bit longer than I typically would because I was like, oh, he needs to see strong mom. And actually strong mom does let my son be a man in that way. Last night, you know, some shit was wrong with my front door, and it was with both my son and my guy. And of course I'm trying to fix it. And the boyfriend's like, I'm gonna add that to the list. I'm like, okay. Where before I would be like, no, I got it, I got it, I got it. I can handle everything. I'm a superhero, right? I was like, no, okay, I will let you do that. That would be great. And I could feel with both of them, the more that I let them do for me because they both know, and I'm sure your husband knows, Jennifer doesn't need shit from anyone. And so they feel extra special when women like you and I and other Enneagram gram eights out there let them actually take care of us. Something as small as fixing my fucking door. Okay, okay. Or changing my light bulbs. Okay. Or hugging me just because. Because you know what? You do need hugs. And so do I. We really do.

Okay.

I promise it'll soften you. There's nothing better than a big old man hug. Anyway. I love it. Yeah, my love. I love our conversations and I appreciate your vulnerability. Listen, you guys, I know I have a lot of professionals out there and especially a lot of people in the real est industry in real estate business. So tell the people what you do, because I think I'm going to tell you right now, there's nothing better than having an Enneagram 8 powerhouse in your corner. And if you're in the real estate industry, Jennifer is your girl. So let them know what you do and where they can find you. Yeah.

So I run a company called Stat Solutions and I've been in real estate for 14 years and we now run operations and marketing of real estate real estate businesses nationwide. It's an awesome career choice and I love helping people grow their businesses. The easiest way to get ahold of us are either on our website, so statsolutions.com or my Instagram is really easy to find. It's Jennifer the Realtor. I love it.

And stat is spelled S T a a t solutions.com Seriously, I trust her completely. Otherwise I wouldn't be letting her talk about her shit. Trust me. And like I said, Enneagram eights especially in you know, a volatile kind real estate market and just the whole industry itself having somebody in your corner to help you problem solve and and tackle things. And ironically her Tri type is the 825Tri type and it's called the strategist. So honestly like she's, she's made for it and let her help you. Jennifer it was so great to chat with you. You guys. If you love this episode, please share it, give us a review. If you love it, it will help us land into the hearts and ears of more of you. And if you want to get on the Enneagram hotline, all you have to do is get your own Enneagram blueprint and apply and you can do that@traceyomalley.com Jen loved it. Love you. Bye.

Have a great day.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast.

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About this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceeomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

Sam.