EP383: Finding Holiday Harmony : Navigating the Season with Enneagram Wisdom

Okay, I know you may have heard.

About the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy, and to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model, but with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

It is crunch time, you guys. I thought this would be a really beautiful, important episode. I know many of you might be driving somewhere, you might be in the kitchen whipping up something, because we are literally into the last two weeks of the year and the holiday crazy stuff is happening. And although it can be crazy and joyful for a lot of us, it can also be very stressful and a lot of grieving and.

Feelings that maybe throughout the rest of the year you've been able to keep at bay. This time of year brings out all of the emotions. And if you're like me and have spent a big chunk of your life trying to stuff those down or bypassing them all together, I think this will be an episode that will help you because we're going to dive into finding harmony, even in the stress, even in the joy, right? Like the full scope of the human emotions are so important. And if you had told me this 12 years ago, I'd be like, yeah, that's cute Trace. Like, I don't need sadness. I don't need some of these other ones that are low vibe or, or whatever. You know, I'm all about high energy, high vibes and all of that. But in order to get through acceptance and really have transformation in your life, you can't bypass any of these feelings. And so having tools in your toolbox to help you move through them, honor them, are very, very important. And especially during the holiday season. And you know, balance is not a word that I use very often. It's, you know, if you think about, if you're balancing on any kind of thing, if you're off by one degree, the whole thing could topple down. And so I don't love the word balance, especially when it comes to life, because as we know, life can change on the drop of a dime. And so finding harmony, though that is a little bit more feasible, right? Even in imbalance, we can find harmony. And I want to help you navigate this season with some Enneagram wisdom today. If you are new to the podcast, hi, I'm glad you're here. If you are new to the Enneagram, this might be something that will pique your interest even more about diving a little deeper. Having the right information is something that I talk about a lot because this is honestly the greatest personal development tool I've ever used in all of my almost 52 years of life. It keeps me rooted in my faith, it keeps me on track, it keeps me in integrity, it keeps me compassionate and why this is now my life's work. I love teaching people just like you about how to integrate this beautiful tool in your life. It's one thing to have this information and think this is a cute little Enneagram thing, but seriously, when you know how to implement and integrate this tool in your life, it is game changing in every area, personally and professionally. But having the right information is really important. You can get my blueprint today@tracey O' Malley.com. it's definitely worth it. You'll have the right information and then you can take all of this beautiful framework and execute it in your life. But today I wanted to talk about understanding each Enneagram type in the holiday kind of season and what that stress might look like. And maybe a quick little tip as you are rounding out this year for the Enneagram ones. You guys know that they are called the reformers, the strict perfectionists, the improvers. I like to call them the warden. They struggle with perfectionism. You know, they are motivated by what is Good and right. It's black and white thinking for them most of the time. And this time of year, all hell breaks loose and shit is flying all over the place. And that can really rattle an Enneagram one and it can take the joy out of it for them. And so the work and the tip I can give to the Enneagram ones is embracing imperfection in all of the holiday kind of to dos the, the Christmas card, the holiday dinners, the white elephant gift, the wrapping paper. Seriously find miracles in the messy. And I know that all my Enneagram ones are probably like, yeah, shut up. But I'm serious. Like, your growth number is the enneagram7, which is that enthusiastic visionary and finding joy in the the most little and weird things. So that is your constant kind of work. And especially at this time of year, this will be tested for my Enneagram type twos, the considerate helpers.

They are the masters of overextending themselves and trying to please everyone. And you know, they do that throughout the year. But this time of year, this can be hyperextended and all the worries and all the different options for activities and social gatherings and gift giving and, and all of things and a lot of Enneagram twos, including my enneagram 2, my son get very sick during this holiday season because they're, they're burning out not just in activity, but in the mental gymnastics and the mental load that they take on.

So one of the things that you can do is setting boundaries and prioritizing self honoring and self care. And I know all my Enneagram twos are like, well, if I don't do it, nobody else will. Or like, I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. And again, I'm going to remind you, your growth number is the enneagram 4 that is called the individualist. Your best helping and your best generosity and your best giving comes from a place of discernment and self honoring. I'm going to say that again. Your best helping comes when you are coming from a place of self honoring first. Trust me, easier said than done. But as a reminder, this time of year, really, really, for my Enneagram type Threes, the competitive achievers.

You know, they are very much typically about being the best at everything, including, you know, having the perfect holiday and putting on the show. And I don't say that to.

Make any enneagram3 feel like they're being fake. They're just high achievers. They, they operate from a level of excellence, right? And depending on where they're at and where you're at in your level of growth and health, that can be dysfunctional or it can be absolutely beautiful. In fact, an episode coming out on Thursday this week is with an enneagram3, one of my dear friends, and how that process of recognizing that the what being the best means to an enneagram 3 can sometimes be a little bit skewed for the. For the Enneagram Threes in this group or for those of us that love or lead them, you know, a tip for the Threes is focus on meaningful connections, not just achievements or things that can be measured or validated externally. Right. You know, the Threes are motivated by being excellent and they typically only do things that can be measured because how do they know they're going to be the best or win without a measurement? The work for the enneagram 3 constantly is how do I feel about this? And having real, deep, meaningful connections without the atta boys and atta girls. Easier said than done. Their growth number is the enneagram 6, which is notorious for slowing down and thinking things through rather than just jumping and going for it. Not easy for an enneagram3 to do, though. For my Enneagram Fours, the individualist or the intense creative or the romantic, this can be a really challenging and beautiful time of year for an enneagram 4, because they feel everything. They feel everything. And sometimes this time of year because they kind of operate from what has happened in the past, right? Their. Their significance comes from their authentic, unique journey. And when live in a world today where at the tip of your finger, you can compare yourself to the entire world, to the Instagram filters, to everything that you want. Sometimes an enneagram 4 wants to feel alive, to feel the feelings. And they can go down a dark, dark road. And that feeling of melancholy and feeling misunderstood. The biggest fear of an enneagram 4 is that feeling of abandonment. And especially during the holidays, this can be.

Magnified for them in their head, in their heart, and in their reality, quite honestly. And so having tools in the toolbox for an enneagram 4 will be really, really important. And this is where the beauty of the holidays can really help an enneagram 4 because it's a time of year, you can engage in creative outlets and expressing your emotions in a healthy way. You know, there is more social activities. So instead of maybe isol or being dramatic in order to feel alive, dive deep with those that you trust, that you know, maybe understand you. And if you don't have that, seek them out. Seek them out and that creativity. Because I struggle during the holidays too. You know, I have a lot of stuff that comes up for me during the holiday season. And you know, I love to cook and I never used to be a baker, but this time of year, baking, cause it's more creative in a different way than cooking is really kind of honors that inner child. Even decorating, you know, I'm. I was never like a flashy decorator and I'm not. And I don't really show a lot of the decor that I do. But it's more of the idle hands are the devil's playground. And so the more that an enneagram 4 is busy in their creativity, the more it can help with the feelings of sadness. The, the growth number for the Enneagram 4 is the Enneagram 1. So maybe a little bit more black and white and structure can really help this time of year for an enneagram 4. Continuing on in the Enneagram journey, we have the enneagram 5. The investigator, the quiet specialist. This time of year can be especially hard for an enneagram 5 because they are typically notoriously the most introverted. They have a certain amount in their energy tank and once it's gone, it's gone. And so this type of year with lots of scheduled activities and social demands and you know, if you are in a workplace, the holiday things and you know, all the things that can really deplete an enneagram 5, they naturally kind of hoard their energy resources and knowledge and information. So this type time of year can make them a little cranky if they don't know how to manage that. So scheduling alone time to recharge is really important for an Enneagram 3. Also as an Enneagram 3, or I'm sorry, as an Enneagram 5, we're talking about the 5. Also as an Enneagram 5. You know, if you're in relationships or you have friendships or you're a parent or a partner to somebody communicating that like, listen, I'm all for this. I'm. I'm here for it, but I need to recharge over here. The More an enneagram 5 can communicate this rather than kind of go MIA, play Houdini or Ghost people. The less you'll have to put out fires and misunderstandings, the more that you can communicate that the growth number for the Enneagram 5 is the Enneagram 8. So being direct and even not afraid to have a little short term conflict to say, hey, I am here for this But I do need to recharge. This is how I'm wired, you know, so being not afraid to have that hard conversation rather than just kind of go into your cave. For my Enneagram Sixes, the loyal skeptic anxiety, they're. They're probably the ones that struggle with anxiety the most. All Enneagram types can. But because the sixes are motivated in certainty, in the form of being prepared, this type of, this time of year can amplify that to the next degree. There's so many plates that are spinning. There's so many things going on that they're worried about. What about this? What about this? What about this? What if this happens? What if this happens? And it can take all the fun out of it for an enneagram6. And. And here's the other thing. If you are loving or being in relationship with a six, it almost makes it not fun for the other people. Now, I don't say that for a six to feel shame. Again, this is all about communicating our needs rather than projecting or letting stress run away and us making it about things that aren't really what's happening. But the thing for an enneagram 6 to kind of alleviate some of this fear and anxiety is planning ahead, but staying flexible and open to changes and being very honest with the people that love you. Like, I have a few sixes in my life, and I know this is part of it when you're in relationship and they're worth it. I'm saying this like, sixes are amazing, but be a safe place where you don't tell them not to worry about it, but also help them not get stuck. The growth number for the Enneagram 6 is the Enneagram 9. So relying on a little bit of faith and trust and divine knowing will help that enneagram6. And those that love and. And are in relationship with them enjoy this a heck of a lot more. For the Enneagram type Sevens, the enthusiastic visionary, they. They love this time of year in a lot of ways. And it's funny, I was talking to my daughter the other day who is an enneagram7, and she loves this time of year. And her birthday is also in this month too, so there's lots of activity starting December 1st, which is St Casey's Day, because she declared it as so because of her birthday being so close to Christmas. She was like, I need a dedicated day that nobody forgets that it's also my birthday and not just Jesus's birthday. So the type 7 enthusiastic visionaries where they can find disharmony. This time of year is over. Committing to activities and experiencing burnout. And because they are visionary, right, they can see how this whole thing plays out at the end. They're very much innovators. And the end goal, like they, they chase it and they believe anything's possible and it's amazing. But this time of year there are a lot of plot twists and things that come up and new things that get scheduled. And it can throw an enneagram 7 off. You wouldn't think so, but you know, sometimes if they have it set a certain way, they can get really pissy about it. Their stress number is the Enneagram one. So they can all of a sudden be this, you know, airy fairy life of the party to very rigid very quickly if they're burning out or they're over committed if it's just too much. And I know my Enneagram Sevens might think like, is there such thing as too much? Yes, there is. Especially the healthier you get, right. But the growth number for the Enneagram 7 is the Enneagram 5, which is that quiet specialist. So really prioritizing and choosing your activities wisely, but also building in times, environments and containers where you can recharge and you can make fun in the recharge in your little cocoon.

In my daughter, you know, she specifically has certain moments where it's just quiet time in that five cave. So that, you know, the things that she has chosen to do, she can play all out, which all my Enneagram Sevens love to do. Everything all out. For my fellow Enneagram Eights, the active challengers.

My friends, I get this time of year we struggle with control and dynamics, holiday dynamics. And this is part of why this is a hard time of year for me. Because Enneagram Eights really have the. One of the strongest bullshit meters. We really, really do. And our energy does not have a poker face. And especially if you know the people that you have to or choose to spend holidays with. I believe we always have a choice.

Are somebody that you've struggled with or there's a lot of conflict or there's a bunch of shit that you see going on like this. This has always been a really hard time of year for me. And I have chosen not to do a lot of things I am very, very picky about, especially this time of year, who and what I will do this time of year. And like I was saying earlier, I tap into a lot of my creativity. I spend time with people that don't Frustrate me. Frustrate me. And I also let myself feel the vulnerable feelings. Because a lot of times for an Enneag eight, when we struggle with control or unspoken shit, we will stir the pot, we will create drama, we will get angry. And I mean, full transparency. I've punched somebody on Christmas. Like, I really have. I've jumped across a table and punched somebody at Christmas time. Like, seriously, that is not my most shining moment, but it can happen. And so practicing patience and letting go of the need for control and being very selective. Because if you're an 8, like, you don't want to just stuff this down, you don't. But you also don't want to be punching people at Christmas time, right?

So be very selective with who and what you spend time with. There's nothing wrong with that. And just know, as an enneagram 8, especially if you're an enneagram 8 woman, you will be grossly misunderstood most of your life. And it's okay. It is okay. It's painful, it's hurtful, and it's okay because your people will show up. And, you know, now I choose like, chosen family to spend holidays with. I spend a lot of time with my kids, my very, very small, tight inner circle. And I am able to have a lot of fun. Like the holidays just get better and better because I've learned how to do this. So for my enneagram 8 friends out there, it's possible. And last, but absolutely not least, the Enneagram 9, the adaptive peacemaker. And you know, in the spirit of the holiday season, you know, and Christmas, you know, I believe that Jesus was an enneagram 9 on, on the whole framework of the Enneagram, the Adaptive, beautiful Peacemaker. You know, a lot of Enneagram Nines in real time settle for short term harmony because they want, you know, peace and harmony within their environment and within their own self. And a lot. They'll settle for short, short term harmony and create a long term problem. And a lot of times they'll neglect their own desires in order to do so. And this can build resentment, this can build frustration. Even though you may not verbalize it, this will help. This will also have an enneagram 9 kind of shut down. And the thing is, as an enneagram9, you sit at the top of the diagram for a reason. You have the beautiful, beautiful ability to have the perspective of us all in a way that none of us, none of us can, Any of the other eight types can. And we really want you to voice your personal needs and desires and. And yes, at times it might create conflict. It might. And it will be okay. I promise you it will be okay. Because having a little short game conflict and ripping the band aid off on the front end will give you long game, peace and harmony and create win win environments for those that you love, those that you most importantly for yourself. Your growth number is the enneagram3, after all. You got to step into that spotlight and voice your opinions, your needs, and your desires because you deserve it. I know this time of year.

Although beautiful, can be really, really hard. And I wanted to give you guys a little tips as we round out this holiday season. As a reminder, even if you are familiar with the Enneagram like I am, I mean, I teach this stuff for CR. Out loud. I'm so grateful for the framework that I not only informationally understand, but because I practice this daily and integrate it even when I'm experiencing, you know, heightened emotions or pain or hurt or stress or exhaustion. I have this tool in my toolbox because I am building this muscle day in and day out. And my goal, my whole goal with this podcast and with the work I do is to help you build this muscle so that when the hard things do come up. Because that's life. No matter how you spin it, this is life. And it's going to come up that you are armed with resources and tools to navigate and create harmony in your life more elegantly.

While you're honoring yourself and honoring the relationships that matter to you most. Like I said, having the right information is one of the most important things in this journey. So that's why I have my customized blueprints. With my assessment, it's over 95% accurate. All the other online assessments out there are inaccurate 60 to 70% of the time. I have done thousands and thousands of typing interviews over the last decade, and those numbers ring true with those old assessments. So if you want to use this tool in the beautiful way that it can absolutely help you accelerate transformation in your Life, go to Tracyomalley.com, go get your Enneagram blueprint today. And then you can really use this framework and this system and this beautiful tool so effectively to have the life that you deserve and the one you desire.

I will see you in a few days with another beautiful episode. Like I said with it'll be an interview with a beautiful friend of mine. I think it's a great episode going into Christmas. And come back next week. We'll have some really great things to round out 2023 with. But in the meantime, I'm wishing you so much love and transformation in your life. If you love this episode, give it a share. Share it on social Tag me. I would love to hear what you think. Think we'll talk soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.