EP389: Clearing the clutter for the relationships, support and community you desire and deserve in your life.

Okay, I know you may have heard.

About the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello and welcome back to Lead with the Enneagram. I'm your host, Tracy o' Malley and I am getting on a plane today. If you are listening to this on the day it's released, I am heading to to a place called Whole Box in kind of the Cancun, Mexico area. And you know, today's episode is all about having the support, friendships, community in your life to support you on your goals personally, professionally, just in life. Quite honestly, we were never meant to do this life alone. And if you're like me and super introverted, this might be really challenging for you, but you so, so desperately want it and deserve it. Because quite honestly, like this is probably one of the biggest challenges in my life. And I thought it was a great episode to record for you because as we come out of the holidays and you know, a lot of socializing that we've done or introverting that we've done, and goal planning and all the things you might Be in that hangover state, legitimately, literally or energetically, emotionally, all the things. And when you're looking at your intentions, your word, your goals for the year.

Quite honestly, you're going to need people around you to love you, to hold you accountable, to help with it. And I, God, this is so painful for me, honestly. And this trip to Mexico is kind of around this support. And you know, I have been in masterminds and in the personal development space before. It was a cool thing, quite honestly, before there was all of this stuff at your fingertips, I kind of was in this space. And as a hardcore introvert, lone wolf, black sheep, you name it, most of my life I have tackled things on my own. And although the receipts and the evidence has shown that that has worked out pretty okay for me.

It. There's something about it that is a little dysfunctional. I'm. I'm not gonna lie. And the impact and the success I could have at this point could be way on a bigger scale.

Had I maybe leaned into this vulnerable aspect a lot sooner. And I know I have a lot of listeners that struggle with relationship, right. It doesn't necessarily mean a romantic relationship or not, but especially in this entrepreneurial, high level, you know, growth space.

This is the thing that a lot of people come to me for help with. And the reason I am really great at helping you with this is because I am constantly, constantly, constantly in this process for myself. Right. I think the best teachers are the ones that are doing the work that they teach day in and day out. And aside from the Enneagram, yes, I, I practice all of my principles in everything that I do day in and day out, and especially around the subject and challenge of having the support in your life that you really, really desire and you really, really deserve. However, it's really, really vulnerable to access it, especially the high level, high quality that you do want and that can actually hold that kind of energy and space for you. And I have spoken about this before, like, even in romantic relationships, those of you that really want a partner that, you know, has the same faith as you, the same goals as you, the same willingness to grow and all of that. And if you're trying to make somebody who really isn't putting the action behind the words, if they're saying they want that, you're blocking maybe the very thing that you want, right? Or you're going, one or two things are happen, are going to happen, you're going to block the very thing or person that you want in that space, or are you're Going to kind of play down to accommodate that. Now this is not, this is not me telling everyone to go break up with whomever they're with. Absolutely not. But sometimes we do have to assess this, you know.

And it's hard. And this, the same thing goes for the supportive relationships in your life, aside from, you know, a romantic partner. I want to talk today about support systems in your life and friendships and that. And this trip to Cancun was scheduled, God, eight months ago. And it's with a bunch of high level, beautiful women that I love dearly and trust. And you know, I'm very, very picky about who I spend my time. I'm very, very picky. I'm slow to yeses and you know, I'm a last minute Lucy a lot of the times because I really, really want to think this through, but when this came up, it was a hell yes for me. And like I said, it's a bunch of supportive, beautiful women that some are really like me and some are really different than me. A lot of them have wisdom that I lack and I know I bring a lot to the table that they lack. And it was, it's this beautiful thing. There's about eight of us, I think, going. And you know, the last few months have been really challenging for me and you know, the cocoon phase and, and all of that. And I've low key. Although I'm really, really excited to spend time with my friends and people that I admire, respect.

Take their advice and their wisdom very, very seriously in my life. I've also felt like myself wondering how I can get out of it. Because in order to have the kind of support in your life that you want, that you deserve, that you desire, that's required all the things, it requires vulnerability. And as an enneagram8, not my favorite thing. And especially when I am feeling probably the most vulnerable I have felt in a very, very, very long time. Right. And it's, it's one of these things that in order for me to not just go through the motions in this.

Group, in this beautiful trip that we're taking, I want to make the most of it. You know, five days away from my business, my home, my family, my dogs, my love. You know, I don't take that lightly. And I also want to maximize this. It is a beautiful time with the greatest people that have the greatest strengths that I could absolutely benefit from. And I'm really, really scared because I need to be vulnerable. I need to be really vulnerable and expose myself. And where I believe I'm weak. And that's the biggest fear of an enneagram 8. And the whole reason I'm telling you this is because I know there are many of you that want so desperately. It is the number one thing that especially women, high achieving women, come and ask me for help with is in the relationship department, in the support department. And the thing is, is these beautiful curated people that I probably wouldn't have met if I wasn't in masterminds and things like that.

A lot of them have been in my life several years. However, I had clutter in my life. I had a lot of clutter in relationship in my life. And when I say clutter, I know that's a really icky word. And I'm somebody who likes, really can go down the rabbit hole of the show hoarders and things like that. And you know, when there's clutter around me, my, my own clutter, it's a clear indication of where I'm at mentally. And I've just spent the last two weeks completely gutting all the clutter out of my office, my closet, my home, my life. But there was a time there in the last few years that I had clutter in my life in the form of friendships. And I never want anybody listening right now for me, for you to think that when I say clutter and friendships, that means any of these people were bad. Because they're not. None of them are bad people. They're all incredible, incredible beautiful women that have played a huge part in my life and a huge role in the story of my life. Even if some of them ended in a really shitty way, or even if some of them did me a little dirty, or even if, you know, I didn't handle things maybe the way that I should have. I had a lot of clutter in relationship, in women, friendships, in my life. All beautiful people, like I said. But they were blocking the very thing that I really, really desired. And it's what I'm about to experience over the next few days with these beautiful women. And here's the thing, you know, we're only kind of given so much time in the day and you know, I'm somebody that guards that energy pretty closely. And if I'm really loyal to a relationship, whether it's, you know, my guy, my kids, my friendships, whatever I take when I'm in relationship with you, I'm an all in kind of girl. And even though some of these relationships and friendships, I knew like in my soul that their time had expired. I really did in a lot of them.

I didn't want to necessarily cut it off, like, unless there's something terrible that happened, why would I? Right? And I know many of you listening right now are feeling that it's like, well, it's not bad, right? And some of them, there was some bad shit and dysfunctional shit that I wasn't always aware of going on. But, you know, we can end a relationship even when things are good. But good is the enemy of great. And this is the thing that I think many of you are doing. You're holding on to relationships because of time invested, because they're not necessarily bad, because you don't want to be an asshole. And this, how I have cleared the path in the past was by blowing up these relationships and. And completely exploding and blowing up my life. It's how I've handled most things that I know need to end, but I don't necessarily know how to do it or I don't want to look weak doing it. Right? And over the last few years, I haven't done that. But even though there were some relationships that ended on my terms in the way that I decided, there were many that didn't. That even though I knew they were done, they didn't get ended on my terms in the way that I would have liked or where I had the power. And that's my ego talking. I'm being completely transparent, you know? And even though some of those things were really, really painful, they were really, really necessary to clear the path for the support. And I'm talking support that is an even energy and value exchange. Right? I know there's a lot of people that you have in your life that love you and support you, but can they really give you an even value exchange and an even energy exchange? They're really. I have so many good people in my life, but if I'm in crisis, could they really, you know, step up the way that I might need them? No. No, they couldn't. And it doesn't make any of them wrong or bad or any of the things. But we're talking about having support and community and friendships that can go the distance with you, at least for this season of your life. And there is a clearing that has to happen, and there is a vulnerability that has to happen. And if you are somebody that struggles with vulnerability and that means in real time, not really understanding how things are going to go and leaning in. Right. There's a big difference in transparency and vulnerability. And you've heard me talk about this a lot. And if you haven't this is probably one of the biggest lessons in my life. When I started to get what I thought was vulnerable, what I got was transparent. The difference between transparency and vulnerability is what I'm about to tell you. And honestly, my tendency.

And this is the thing. When you know better, you got to do better. For a lot of the last. The early part of the last decade and a half, I thought transparency was vulnerability. And my inclination and my tendency is to go to Mexico with these beautiful people and to be transparent. And what transparency means is telling people about a really vulnerable time in your life or a hard time that you've been through, but you're kind of sort of on the other side or you have kind of a sort of a plan on how to get out of it, and you really kind of don't need anybody else. But telling the story can feel really vulnerable, can appear very vulnerable, right? That's transparency. And for many of you, that's a huge step. That was for me, for me being transparent about, you know, some of the hardships that I have experienced, especially my. My own choices. That was really vulnerable for me to share. But that's not vulnerability. What I need to do going into this week is saying, guys, this is where I'm at. This is where I want to go. I know what I need to kind of do to do that, but it's really vulnerable for me, and I'm not sure how to do it in a way that I won't sabotage it, blow it up.

Ghost it. You know, all the things that's real time vulnerability and real time vulnerability and like, letting them see behind the curtain and underneath the hood of what's in real time going on with me, that's vulnerability, and that's how you find the support you have in your life. Now, I don't recommend doing that with everyone. You have to kind of strongly vet this. And discernment is really, really important. And one of the things that I. And the reason why I share about the Enneagram and why it's so important. If you are listening to this podcast and you love the Enneagram and you love the tool that it is and why getting typed accurately is so, so, so important is understanding where your blind spots are and what is the core fear that you carry and the core motive in which everything that you do. So you know how I have vetted these beautiful incred women that I'm going to spend, you know, this next week with? They all know, and many of them are eights, thank goodness. So I, I feel like, some of them could get it and many of them are not eights. But I can communicate in a way like, hey, this is really vulnerable for me. This is why. And I need you to communicate your wisdom in a way like this so I can receive it, you know, because if, if I hear somebody just say, well, you just got to do this, this and this, but they're not hearing, like, this is what's going to come up for me and this is where I'm going to hold myself back, right? This is why self awareness is really, really important. But here's the thing.

We can have self awareness and we can know what action to take. And this is like personal development. And the land of coaching on every corner in a nutshell is like, here's the awareness of, there's this problem, or here's the awareness of the pain point you want to fix, or here's the awareness of the, the carrot that's being dangled for you. You want the support, you want the girl friendships, you want the, the whole squad, you want the whole thing, like whatever, whatever it is you want, you know, the, the whole industry, personal development, is dangling this carrot and making you aware. Like, yeah, I want that and no, I don't have it and I desperately need it. Or there's this problem and let's solve it. And like, oh my God, it's like all the things, right? And then they just say, all you gotta do is this, all you gotta do is hire me. All you gotta do is this. And la la la la la. And although, yeah, you might get some traction with some different action. I mean, we're living in the season of this right now, in January, you know, 9th, for crying out loud, right? This is the time of year where we buy into that. Because we're so desperate to hit the vision board, we're so desperate to make that word that we have picked stick. We're so, like, ready for change that we will buy into like, yes, this is my problem, tell me what I need to do to fix it. And that isn't always sustainable. When we kind of skip this middle part, the messy middle part, where I call it acknowledgment, awareness. Skipping acknowledgment and going to action will have you repeating the cycle over and over and over again. But there's this acknowledgment part that the enneagram really helps us.

Find compassion for ourselves and other people, give ourselves some grace, not enable our own bullshit.

Really understand ourselves at a human level, why we do what we do and why certain things are really, really challenging for us. In that acknowledgment phase is also where we can use our words before we're pissed off or triggered or, you know, needing a life vest to communicate what we need and how we need it. This is where we can not repeat the patterns and have the same kind of people showing up in our life over and over and over, the same package, just different wrapping paper. It's in this acknowledgment phase that we really have sustainable transformation and the juicy parts of life. So that when we do know what action to take, like most of us know what action we need to take.

But without this beautiful, messy, uncomfortable, vulnerable, gutting, sometimes acknowledgement part, we don't have the long game things that we want, including these beautiful, beautiful friendships. So I have been in this season of acknowledgment for the last few months, really, really new levels of it. You know, I've been doing this for well over a decade now. I teach this. I coach many of you and my private clients through this, day in and day out. And this isn't like a boxy check and say, yep, I did the work right. This is. This is what we do until we're done here on Earth. And I'm just at a new phase in it because new levels bring new levels of acknowledgement that we have to kind of face. Because what got us here won't get us there. What got us those old relationships won't bring us the new ones. If we do the same thing, we'll attract the same thing. And again, none of these people that are in your life are maybe bad, but they're not gonna take you where you need to go, and you have to make room for them. So I'm getting on the plane today and I am vowing to be very vulnerable. My roomie, who's one of my besties, she knows me very, very well, and she has been part of this journey. And oh, God, I'm so grateful for her. And I'm so grateful for the friendships that ended that allowed me to have the space and the energy for this incredible relationship and friendship and the ones that have followed or been enriched since, you know, those seasons have ended.

I want the same thing for you. I want you to.

Not just say you want those things, but take the. Have the awareness, acknowledge, and take the action so that you can have them. And if you need help with that, I have a couple spots open. I just took on a few private VIP clients. And like I said, this Is one of the number one things that, you know, the highest of level entrepreneurs, CEOs are coming to me for. Honestly, men and women, they want more soulful, supportive relationships in their life. They want to do more with less people. Right? And they need help with this. And you might need help with this. I have a few spots open for my private VIP clients. I only take a very small few because it is high touch, high level. You get me every single day for three months. And that's how we have sustainable change. It's kind of like going to the gym. If we just go like three times a week, although we might have some progress. What we do in those other four days of the week, the other hours in the day that we're not there, really can dictate that. And having access to a guide like me who is walking her talk every day, I really, really am. And not only teaching this day in and day out, is doing this day in and day out in my own life. You have me for three whole months on speed dial. And that is super valuable. Not just because it's time valuable, but wisdom and experience valuable. And you know, as you really go into 2024 with high level goals, high level desires, all of which you deserve, all of which you know, I know you are prepared for. Trying to do this alone is really, really hard. And I don't want you to make it as hard as I've made it. And I want to be the one to help you, quite honestly. And I am the one to help you. I, I have a lot of experience in this realm, you know, personally, professionally, strategically, emotionally, spiritually, you name it. If you have ever felt drawn to do this kind of work, the deeper stuff. And we talk strategy too. Don't, don't you get me wrong, we take a holistic approach to your life. But I wanted to talk about support because it is kind of like the foundation of everything else you're going to do in your life. Go to Tracey O' Malley.com, go to the work with me section and fill out an application. It's by application only. I do not take everyone because you got to really want this and be willing to dive deep and be in that messy part. This can be disruptive in our life, you know, But I promise you that I will be with you through the whole thing and really get you out on the other side feeling that no matter what life on life's terms brings you, that you can handle it. And especially in the realm of support, friendship, community, I couldn't do what I'VE done and what I'm about to do personally and professionally in my life without that. And even though every part of me wants to just stay the lone wolf and kind of be the solo little person over here, that's the best kept secret and fly under the radar, I know that those days are over because I'm here to make a huge impact. And I know that people desperately need what I. I bring to this world. And so it's going to require me to be vulnerable. And I want to do that alongside you too. You know, my best coaching, my best work is when I'm going and working through something because I share in real time my whole life with you. You guys get to see front row because I want you to see, like what this looks like in action as well. And it's messy and it's exciting and it's awesome. What comes out of this is the beauty of being my age is I have enough evidence that I can see that on the other side of this, there's always a reason, even when it feels really shitty when you're going through it.

So for you to do what you're going to do in 2024, you're going to need the support in your life. You really will. And if you have felt called and you feel ready, fill out the application and let's have a chat. If not, that's fine too. Get yourself around really good people. Maybe take an inventory in your life, see where maybe you're holding on to certain relationships, even if they're really great people, but they're getting too much of your time and energy and it's keeping you from maybe spending time where you need to be to have everything that you desire for your life and deserve in your life.

Nobody said this part was easy. I never said it was. It isn't. I wish I could skip all of this altogether, let me tell you. And if there was a way to do it and have everything that I wanted, trust me, I would have found a way. But I know this is, this is the beauty, this is the joy and the journey. This is the part of the story that.

Really makes the end zone worth it. And the goal line worth it is kind of honoring this soul line. So anyway, I will take you behind the scenes in Mexico. Even though I'm not on social media very much, at least in 2023, I'm looking to change that in 2024. I cringe even saying that, but I know that that's a really important part of my journey. You know, 12 years ago, when I started in the online space, I was very much on social media before it was a thing. And just over the last two years, especially as I've gone more inward, I have lessened that. And, and I know why. And 2024, one of my intentions is to emerge. That's my word for the year if you guys have been listening. And so I'm going to take you behind the scenes in Mexico and maybe share some of the the stuff around what I've just shared with you and let you into a peak of the beautiful people and support that I have not only called in, but worked really hard to make room for in my life. And I would be honored to help you do the same thing in 2024. Go to Tracy O' Malley.com the work with me section. If you love this episode, share it with a friend. If you know somebody needs this message as well, share it. If you share it on social media, tag me so that I can thank you and just appreciate you and I'm just grateful for you. I really am grateful for you. All right, we'll see you in a few days. Talk soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

Sam.