EP391: 4 Enneagram 8's walk onto an island together - The power of surrender and understanding the vulnerable parts of your type and tritype

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy and to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model, but with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello. Welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. And I am legit fresh off a golf cart, ferry, van and airplane.

Back from this tiny, tiny little island I knew nothing about in Mexico. And if you listened last week and checked in on kind of clearing the clutter around, getting the support, friendships, love you want in your life. This is the after of what I was about to do. And I was really vulnerable on that episode, kind of talking about, you know, we all desire that and a lot of the people that come to me to work with me crave that in their lives, but they don't necessarily know how to get it or what's required to have it. And as I revealed going into that trip, you know, I was looking for ways to kind of cancel for myself, not go. Also, I had a good talking to myself on kind of being mindful where my role tends to get played out. Because yes, it's my spiritual gift and yes, like being the oldest Usually in these scenarios, I bring some wisdom that, you know, can't be bought. However, I went into this trip being very mindful that this was also for me to receive as well, and not just just to stake my claim in this kind of role as, you know, the mama, the mama tea and. And the healer and the rescuer and all the things. And as an enneagram8, we tend to like to find our power in the group and then exude that. And over the last, you know, over a decade, I do that in a really healthy way now. But I also recognize that just because it's my spiritual gift doesn't mean it's always mine to do, even if it's for the greatest good of the person in front of me, because there are times that I also need to receive. And I want to talk about this topic of, you know, four Enneagram Eights walk into a room because a lot of the questions I get around the Enneagram and maybe possible mistyping or what types, you know, get along best with each other. And I've said this before, that any healthy Enneagram type can flourish in a relationship with any type of Enneagram type. And our dynamics for our group, there were eight of us that went. I'm going to kind of set the scene here a little bit so you can understand the players in this program. All eight. All seven of the other women I've known for at least.

Three years. Well, one of them I've only known recently. I've known of her, but didn't know her. Her. You know, the. The one that I've known the longest was about 10 years. The newest was about a year. Let's just say that. But the dynamics of the eight in the group were four Enneagram Eights, which, hello, that's a lot of spice. In a relaxing air quotes beach trip, there were two Enneagram Twos, one Enneagram seven and one Enneagram five. So all three centers of intelligence were represented very, very well amongst this group. But I wanted to talk about the eights in particular because all four of us, I'm one of the eights, are very spicy and very intense as eights are, right? And you can be intense and spicy without being an asshole. You can be intense and spicy without being a bulldozer. All the things. And the ironic part about this trip for all four of these Enneagram Eights was that none of us felt the need to take over or to plan or any of that. And that's a true testament to the other four people that we were with, specifically our enneagram7 friend who kind of did all the planning and kind of got this thing going. But you know, Even though all four of us are, we ranged in age from 38. There was a 38, a 40, a 44 and me at 51. Right. All four of those eights and all four women. Three of the four are mothers, two of us single mothers. But two of us are self preservation eights. And two of us were one on one enneagram eights. But we all have different tri types. So I'll set the scene. We had a self preservation enneagram847. So that is called the Messenger. My daughter has that same tri type even though she is a seven. One of my other really great friends has the same tri type even though she's an enneagram 7. So those motives are different than an 8.

My other dear friend, she is crushing it, crushing it in business. My other friend, the Self Preservation847, she's kind of a spiritual healer, therapist, psychotherapist, master's degree. She's very wise, very brilliant, very woo and very gifted in a lot of the woo space. Let's just say that my one on one enneagram8friend, 836, the justice fighter. She also is a doctor. She left her doctor role to go into entrepreneurship probably about seven, eight years ago. Dabbled in network marketing and now she has a multi, multi million dollar educational company. And she's killing it. Killing it. And she's called the Justice Fighter. One of the other friends is A Self Preservation 837, also known as the mover and shaker. She has a brick and mortar kind of business. She's not like the personal brand. She does fulfillment. She's got I think four or five other different businesses as well. And not a mother, but she is probably the, the least of the four of us. Into the woo, we will say and eight, three sevens. They don't like to slow down for anything because all three of those types are really assertive. And then there was me, the one on one enneagram826, which is called the Rescuer. But it was really, really cool to see the intensity of all four of us in a soft, feminine way. Right. This is the beauty of the Enneagram because I get questions a lot. Also, do our Enneagram types change as we grow, as we evolve? Any of the other things that I get asked about in regards to like does our type change? And I will say no. I will say no, because we're all four motivated in very, very similar ways. All four of us are motivated by a form of independence, autonomy and control. Now, because of the other centers of intelligence, what that might mean to us, how we go about it.

The levers we pull in order to gain that, our instinct, you know, the. The subtype also can come into play. But it was really, really cool to see the softness of all four of us. I would say out of the four of us, one of us had a very. A more challenging time receiving. And it wasn't me. Spoiler alert. But probably the one that is least in the woo. But she definitely participated and it was really, really cool. But the cool part, day two or three, the four of us, the four eights, had no idea what was happening, and we didn't care and we didn't feel the need to kind of interject or even really take the reins. What I will say about enneagram eights, and I know a lot of you are, or love or lead an enneagram eights, you know, that aggressive kind of intensity, borderlining, you know, domineering kind of personality that we. We can have, especially if we feel like betrayal, viol or vulnerability is going to happen.

We don't necessarily need to be in control. Everything, but we won't be controlled. And as long as we trust the leadership in charge, whether it's for a girls trip or in the boardroom or, you know, as a coach, client, relationship aids can be led and eights can trust actually, as long as we have kind of vetted the person that's kind of running the show. And it was fun. It was fun to not step into that role. I found myself.

Feeling very vulnerable on this trip. First of all, most of my wounding comes at the hands of women in the past, and I'm very aware and I've done a lot of work around that. A lot of my wounding in recent years has come at the hands of women friends. You know, my wounding goes way back to my mom and, you know, even my stepmother at this point point. But I've really been done dirty by some women in the recent years. And, you know, I have my role in that. Like, you know, no judgment on them, but, you know, the way they handled it probably wasn't the greatest. I absolutely have a role in the breakdown of the relationships for sure. But when all those things have happened, my prayer and my meditation daily is like, God, please don't armor up my heart. And, you know, I. I'm aware that sometimes and. And this is really important for you that, that are listening right now that maybe fall into the trap of being the hero in people's stories. You know, I know that there are some of you that might fall into the.

Victimy kind of thing and no judgment, no judgment at all. Come by it very innocently a lot of times. But then there's this other camp that tries to be the hero of this story and both are equally kind of codependent, right? That I was going into a group of eight women with myself included.

Subconsciously, sometimes I can play the role of the power. And even though I'm really great at it, and all these women respect that. And all eight or all seven of these women have benefited from that in the past from me, some professionally, some just personally, I knew that I could do that and it would serve them. And I know that because this was a very vulnerable open space that I might tend to do that in order to not receive, to not feel the vulnerability, to not feel what I have perceived in the past as being weak in needing and desiring even support. And I caught myself about on day two. That's the beauty of having powerful fucking friends too, you know. To go back to last week's episode, to have the kind of support that you have, relationships that actually all seven of those other women could hold space like a motherfucker in very different ways, in all beautiful ways. And I trust each and every one of them. That, my friends, is a true testament to last week's episode because that wouldn't happen without a vulnerability exchange. However, that being said, being dropped for, you know, five, six days with each other 24, seven with, with shitty wi fi, with not much cell service and just time with each other, that can feel very vulnerable for somebody like me. And especially somebody like me that, and maybe even somebody like you that I know is processing, grieving, working through some of these things. And when we're doing that, sometimes we'll bank on even our spiritual gifts to block our own blessings and, and to block our own receiving. And I was very to and because I trusted each of these women to hold very strong space in a different way than maybe I can.

It was beautiful and equally very uncomfortable. It was a life changing week for me in a lot of ways. And a lot of things moving forward will be different for me. I'm not going to blow up my life or overhaul everything or any of these things, but it was cool. On the way home.

On the way home, you know, in one of the vans coming home, like I said, we had to take a golf cart, a ferry, a van, and an airplane to get to this beautiful, magical little place. But some of the girls had a van ride coming on the way there. That our driver was a Mayan prophet and a spiritual healer. And so on the way home, I ended up in the van with him, and he did kind of these soulful readings for us. And.

I felt myself getting radically uncomfortable. And whenever I'm asked, like, if I have a question, I have many spiritual people in my life that have mediumship, you know, medium qualities, connection to a divine source, myself included, I do, too. But it's hard when we are seeking that information for ourselves sometimes. That's why my faith in God is really strong to. To lead me and guide me and walk beside me. But this Mayan prophet, it was weird because he was kind of talking to one of my friends in the group who is so goddamn, like, gifted in her. Her craft and her spiritual gift. And it was beautiful because I was like, you know, part of me wanted to just say, just talk to her the whole time because she's here to make this huge impact in the world. And. But I knew me trying to bypass the vulnerability that was going to come because I could feel in my body also that.

I was feeling nauseous, I was feeling hot, all the things. And then it was crazy because we're in the middle of Mexico where there's not a lot of American music being played. And then all of a sudden, ABBA comes on the radio. And that's from my childhood and specifically the age in my life where I recognized that I had spiritual gifts that, you know, I'm applying today for myself, for my family and for people I work with. And it was cool because also I was sitting on the floor of this van. I wasn't sitting in a seat. I was very childlike, you know, and all of a sudden I could feel like her wanting to come out to play. And then the next song was some acdc, which is kind of like my rebellious part of me, right? My teenage years. And if you've heard me talk about, like, the inner children in us, and usually, you know, for women, I call them the three queens. You know, there's the little one, there's the. The middle, middle school age one, and then there's the teen rebellious one, all three really important. And those two queens came to the surface during that car ride. And then when the prophet came and spoke to me and we had to touch him, it was. It was really cool. But my kind of energy lines on his body were very different than my other friend. And they were very telling. And I'm not going to get into all of it, but one of the things that he looked at me and he asked me, like, what do I want? What do I want? And I have a hard time saying that.

And maybe you're like this, too, that.

I have a hard time declaring what I want because I'm afraid if I don't get it, then I'll be disappointed or it's weak to desire something, you know? You know, all the things started coming up, and he said something to me. He's like, you will live a long, long life, but you've lived your life alone. A lot of this. And kind of the markings on his body were showing that it was really bizarre. And then all of a sudden, there was this spot on his arm. He goes, what? Like, he goes. You see this path of going solo. And then all of a sudden, it looks like, you know, like if you put your. Hit your head on the windshield, you know, like the. The shatter. There was a spot on his arm that looked like that kind of shatter mark. And he's like, this is your turning point, and this is right now. And you need to change right now. You need. You get one life, and you need to be happy. And although I am very happy, I am. I'm very happy. I know why I'm not. I know why I'm not. And that is where my work will continue. Right? It's not because I don't have good friends in my life. It's not because I don't have a thriving business. I do. I have all of those things. I have love, I have health, but I haven't been using my voice. I also felt like I was stagnant in my writing. I used to be a really great writer, and probably the last three, four years, it's like I've had nothing. I know I've taken this episode kind of on a tangent, but this is the beauty of four Enneagram Eights that are very different. And all four of us being willing to go inward into these vulnerable places. But as your host enneagram8, I wanted to share this with you. And I gotta say, when he said, you know, he said, you won't live a long life if you don't change now scared me. It scared me in a way where, you know, all the work that I've done with a lot of the healers, the mediums, the Reiki specialists, the intuitives, the channelers, like God, you know, I. I check in with all my sources and usually I am very clear on what they're going to say. And I'm probably the most self aware person. But when he said this to me, I was shook. Not shook in a way where I'm gonna. Just throwing all this up at the wall, hoping something sticks, but shook in a way that, okay, it's time. It's time to use my voice. And. And I do only have this one life. And I. I do have a calling and gifts that although I'm using many of them in the work I do and in the mom that I am and in the partner that I am, I also know there's a whole nother level that I haven't even begun to touch. So anyway, anywho, I really just went off on a tangent, but with the different enneagram eights that were there and the spiritual gifts, you know, all four of us are motivated, like I said, by independence, autonom control. And our underlying emotion is anger. And how that comes out is very different for all of us, but. But very present for all of us. But what was cool was seeing how we used the heart center of intelligence specifically on this trip, right? Because although our motives and fears reside in our core enneagram type and our. Our center of intelligence that we default to is kind of where we go first. So all four of us are instinctual. We go into kind of tactical. What is happening right now? What do we need to do about it? Because we were in this soulful place, very intentional about being open, vulnerable, honest, like we're all entrepreneurs and all crushing it. And all are human beings and women, right? And in a soulful place like this, what we actually got to see a lot of also was our heart center of intelligence and our thinking center of intelligence come to play. And what was cool about the heart center of intelligence, we had all three of those types represented, represented within our eights. I have the two that I dominate in. Two of the girls have the threes, and one of us had the four as their heart centered dominant in our tri types. And those were very present on this trip. I was very much in my 2, but had a hard time, right? The. The unhealthy part of my two in that heart center wanted to just be the facilitator, but instead I leaned into the growth number of the two in that space. My friend who was the four, she did a lot of facilitating but also allowed herself to receive the threes in the heart center. My eight friends that have threes in the heart center, they're usually go, go, go, go, go. It was so cool to see what that looks like for them and them to access vulnerability, which isn't typical, typically Easy for an 8 + with a 3 in your tri type. Also very hard. What was also cool though was seeing how we used our thinking center as well. Right. We're all motivated the same way with our eights. Right. Our instincts can kind of have that show up a little differently. Two of them kind of instinctually focus on independence, autonomy and control in the form of safety, security and comfort. It's kind of their strategic plan. And then two of us in intensity of experience. But two of us, two out of the four eights have sevens in their tri type and two of us have sixes in our tri type in the thinking center out of the eights. And the twos with sevens in their tri type were very much forward thinking, visionary. Best that could happen, big ideas. And oh my goodness, did I need their sevens. And because they're all eights, I can really receive it from them because we're motivated similarly. But because they have, you know, that seven, I'm kind of more likely to listen to an eight with a seven in their tri type as far as forward thinking, visionary because I know they're motivated similar to me. Right. How innates go about things and dream big is very different than other types. And so having their perspective with their seven coming out to play in their tri type, I trusted some of the visions that they spoke into me. And then those friends also kind of need to slow down and have some strategies. So the two of us with sixes in our tri type were able to kind of bring our strategy and how we go about it as eights to the table. Not just for our eight friends, but everyone.

Yeah. This is why we are more than just our enneagram type. And this is why it's really important you don't go around typing people because a lot of times you're going to see parts of their tri type come into play. And depending on where you're catching them behaviorally, you might see, you know, part of their tri type or you might see part of their wing or one of their lines of growth or stress coming into play. But when you are typed accurately, when you are typed accurately, like all of us in this group are, hello. They've got me at their fingertips. All. All eight of us are typed accurately. And all eight of us have really unique tri types and levers we can pull. Right. Our motives are our motives, Our fears are our fears. But Knowing what levers to pull to leverage those things is really, really important. And especially with your very tight inner circle or your family or your business and your team, having this information really is helpful. It's why this last six days felt like a month. In all the good ways, it felt so fulfilling. I feel like so much was accomplished and a lot of that. I mean, there was a lot of Enneagram talk, obviously.

And watching each and every person leverage these gifts for each other and for ourselves individually was really how you maximize the support in your life. It's how you maximize your gifts in your life. It's how you understand the blind spots you have and freely share them with your inner circle and the people that you can trust to hold that space for you. So that when the blind spots were coming up for me, I was surrounded. Surrounded by powerful, powerful, beautiful, honoring, soulful women. I want that for each and every one of you. I want you to know that there is room for everyone at the table.

I know one of my friends is going to do a reel about the the magnitude of power financially that was in this group. But even more so powerful was the experience and the vulnerability within this group. I've never been more proud to be part of a circle. I've never been more proud of myself, honestly, to not default to what I do best, which is that rescuer with my tri type. Sometimes the best rescuing I can do is for myself. And that's allowing myself to surrender, to receive, to not keep score or feel like I have to owe anyone because they supported and poured into me. That, my friends, is growth. And that is what's required for you, for you to hit the things on your vision board, for you to have all the abundance that you desire and deserve in your life. You can't bypass this stuff. And it requires vulnerability and it requires honesty with yourself. It requires self awareness, self awareness, self acknowledgment and compassionate, effective action.

Yeah.

How cool is that? And when you can access that, the possibilities for your life are endless. The love that you will experience, romantically and otherwise, life changing. And I want that for you.

First and foremost. Get typed accurately. If you want to use the tool of the Enneagram to really understand yourself so that you don't waste another minute of this day. When that prophet said to me, change now, I'm so grateful I have the Enneagram because I kind of know what I need to do. I do. And I have to move slow, right? I want that for you. Get typed accurately. If you have not taken my Assessment and gotten my blueprint. It is customized for you. You will have accurate typing and then you will know what to do. You have almost 400 episodes here and you have me. If you choose to do a one on one appointment with me for 90 minutes or spend three months with me, I have a few openings for that as well. But first and foremost, get typed accurately. You can go to Tracyomalley.com the work with me section, get your blueprint, that is your sole GPS, your soul roadmap, and then you start learning all the components attached to your core type of. There's lots of them. There's lots of them. And knowing how to pull all of those levers will allow you to have everything that you want for yourself and for your families and for your businesses and for your relationships and for your personal health. And all the things 2024 is going to be really transformative. It is for you, for me. But you have to be willing to be vulnerable. And you can't just have strategy. I know there's a lot of strategy happening in January for a lot of you. And although that will get you places, it won't get you where you really want to go. Trust me, if I could have found a way around this, I would have. And there's not. There's not. So reach out. I'd be honored to take you on this journey. I'm so grateful for my inner circle. I'm so grateful for my friends, especially my fellow Enneagram Eights on this trip. That's a lot of energy.

On a little island. And it was something that I will cherish and never forget the rest of my life. Honestly, in all of my almost 52 years of life, this week was probably one of the most profound I've ever had. And I can't wait to see where this takes me.

And in return, where it will take you and those of you that that choose to join me for this journey, whether it's just on this podcast or in some form of work together.

Yeah. This is why we do what we do.

For ourselves and for the impact we're here to make in this lifetime. And I'd be honored to take you on that journey. Reach out. I'm on Instagram at Tracy Underscore o' Malley if you know, you want to get your blueprint or you want to do a session with me or you want to dive deep with me for three months in that everyday container. All those are found@tracyomally.com I'm getting my bearings back from being on island time and putting shoes on for the first time in a week. I look forward to all the things that 2024 is going to bring all of us and I'm wishing you so much love and transformation. We'll talk soon. See you soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you.

Into the next level of your life, Sam.