EP392: Enneagam Hotline - Dropping the Armor- Embracing Authenticity and Healing Shame as a SP Enneagram 3 with Laurel Boylan

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy and to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello. Hello and welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. And it is one of your favorite kind of episodes where we bring somebody on with questions in real life, real time for the Enneagram hotline. Because one of the things about being typed properly, even which if you haven't, you know where to go for that. Tracyomalley.com to get your blueprint. But even with the right information, if we aren't practicing what to do with that, we can get a little frustrated because we get it. We love the Enneagram. We've seen the power of it. You've heard me talk about it, but how do I integrate this in my life? And today I am bringing you one of my dear friends, Laurel Boyland, who is a self preservation enneagram 3. She was a participant in one of the masterminds that I did a workshop for and I could see when I was talking about the Enneagram and her specifically the light bulbs started to go off, which is what happens to many of you when you are typed accurately and it's like, mind blown. Oh, my goodness, this makes so much sense. Now tell me how to do things a little differently than I've been doing for a few decades. And so I wanted to bring Laurel on today. She's got some really great questions that whether you're a three or not, they will absolutely apply.

You might love or lead A3, so this will also help help you. And what I love about bringing threes on is I think they're the most celebrated, and we believe they have the easiest time out in the world because they do tend to make things look really, really freaking easy. And I know that to not be true. Even though they can make shit happen, there is a consequence to that, and there is a catch to that. And so I think we're going to uncover some really cool things that whether you're a three or not, will absolutely benefit from today. So, Laurel, thanks for coming on today.

Oh, Tracy, I am so excited to be here. I have been following you as you know, for many, many years. And I used to jump on your. Your training calls and when you were not not the person you are today. And I related to you in such a way then, and I'm on the same journey now that you're on, and it's just really fun to watch you transform and then to see how I've transformed. Just my approach to leadership, my approach to my team, my approach to everything is changing. And it's an exciting journey.

It is exciting. And also it can be a little disruptive. Right. I know we're both more seasoned ladies, right? We. We definitely have a few more decades under our belt than maybe the average person these days. But it's also exciting and also terrifying at the same time. When you are somebody as strong as you are and somebody as strong as I know that I am, that as we raise our hand and say, I want to be the best version of myself and I'm here to grow, sometimes it uncovers stuff and things about ourselves that, yes, got us here, but won't get us there. Has that been your experience, too?

Oh, absolutely. And one of the main reasons that I'm so fascinated by this is I've been educating my girls on it. My girls have done a test, and they know what they are, and they're both one 21 will be 21 next week, and one just turned 20. So if I can impart this knowledge to them at this age, maybe their relationships and their work Environment will benefit so much more than mine has, because I was in my 50s when I started learning about this, you know, so. It's exciting.

Yeah, isn't it. Isn't it beautiful? Like, when we. When we definitely want to explore a tool like the Enneagram with. With beautiful intent and in integrity, it absolutely can change the game when it comes to interpersonal relationships and especially the relationships that matter most to us. So I wanted to dive in with your questions. Do you have them handy? First question that you had?

Well, my first question is kind of a broad one. I have five children and I'm married.

And.

And out of the seven of us, we have six different Enneagram numbers.

And I. It's. It's helped me have an appreciation and not be as frustrated about certain things with each person. But where do I start? How. How do I use this information?

Okay, so there's five kids. You and your husband. Give me a rundown. You are three. Self preservation. Three. Your husband's six. Six, if I recall.

That's correct. He's a six.

All right, and what are the. What are the children?

Misha's 23 years old and he's a nine.

Okay.

Dima is 22 years old and he's a five.

Sean is 21 years old and he's a six.

And has some special needs.

McKenna is.

20. She'll be 21 next week, and she's a four. And Valerie just turned 20, and she's a two.

Who. All right, well, good news. Good news is you have everybody in different. Like your. Your unit as a whole, you have all three centers of intelligence represented, same as my household. Even though there's the three of us between me and my two kids, we represent all three centers of intelligence. So what I'll say. Where do you start? Is with that, right? So your. Your child, you and the two children that are the two, three, and four. You're the three. You have a child that's a two and a four. All three of you guys are motivated by a form of significance, right? You know as well as I do the two, the four, the three all kind of. What that means to them is really, really different. But understanding that significance is the main driver for the three of you. How you talk to them probably is a little more similar to you in some ways. They're a little more sensitive than you are. The two and the four are absolutely more empathetic naturally than you are, even though you are also in the feeling center. You kind of go into yourself where those two kind of Go into their own kind of depths and the outer world a little bit in a different way than you, but knowing that they're motivated by significance and the underlying emotion is shame for both of them. And you right to not feed into that. Being gentler, maybe with your words.

Being sensitive to slowing down. It's really important. I know that you as a three being, being in the feeling center, you move at a very, very fast, assertive pace. The 2 and the 4 do not, even though they're both in the feeling center, but knowing that timing and tone with them and.

Eye contact and just slowing down enough to spend time with them, to hear their feelings, to not try to fix their feelings. Because a lot of times A3 loves to rush through things because you got shit to do. But if you do that with your two and four children, you might create a disconnect you don't want. That was the number one thing I learned with my son who's a two is like, I can be honest with them, and you can be honest with your two and four children, but the timing and tone in which you use will be the game changer with them. Okay? Now, you also have two kids, and, yeah, you have two kids and a husband in the thinking center. Okay, you're five, you're six, and your husband, who's a six, they're in the thinking center. So they're all three motivated by a form of certainty, right? So, you know, you kind of moving very, very fast pace can be very disruptive for the three of them if you don't communicate and you don't love to slow down to communicate because you got shit to do, right? But that's how you'll create disconnect with the. The people in the thinking center, especially the fives and the sixes, because, you know, they need information, they need knowledge, they need to feel prepared because they're forward thinkers, right? They're like, what could happen? What could happen? And they're always kind of thinking that way. So especially if the sixes in your household have a lot of questions, taking the time and having patience to answer those questions will get them more on board to your agenda. But if you're just kind of plowing through life, they're going to feel like you don't care about their needs, which is certainty, whether they're aware of it or not.

Something to be mindful of.

Their underlying emotion is fear and anxiety. Now, how your five and how your sixes kind of express that, very, very different. Also, like with your 2 and 4, how they express shame is very different. But knowing that that's the underlying emotion. And even if they're not expressing it because you're somebody who is self aware, you can feel that energy even if they're not saying anything. So use that kind of as a radar for like, okay, they're feeling uncertainty. What can I do? Because you care about them, what can I. How can I communicate in a way that gives them more certainty, in a way that works for them, not necessarily in a way that works for you. And then you have one person in your whole household that falls into the instinctual center like I do. I'm in the instinctual center. And your nine child enneagram nine child kind of goes into what is happening right now, right? If I'm guessing this is probably the child that kind of is always kind of playing chess with the household, kind of like seeing where everybody's at and then kind of conforms to that to try to keep temporary peace of some sort. Or what that child believes peace is.

We used to call him Officer Boylan when he was younger.

Oh, how cute. How cute. And although.

They are tagged the easy child sometimes or the one that like, you appreciate that you never have to worry about, right? You kind of actually do. Because the thing with having a child that's a nine, they will settle for temporary harmony and create long term disharmony. Sometimes if they're not aware that they're doing it in a way that creates bigger issues later, right? And this child's 23 years old, they might have some resentment down the road if it hasn't happened already. Or they might try to find some form of control through procrastination, selective hearing, stonewalling, being super stubborn. So sometimes that's a way that they feel like they create this internal harmony, but knowing that the underlying emotion for this child is anger, right? It may not come out explosively like it would be if you had a child like me, but this anger might come across through in more passive aggressive ways. Like I said, that selective hearing, stubbornness, stonewalling, forgetfulness, right? That's how they kind of express anger. But knowing that they are always looking for independence, autonomy and control. And how that child finds that is through creating harmony. So to support that child, you'll definitely want to pour more into.

Yes, I know that you want harmony right now, but you might create long term disharmony if you just go with the flow right now. And so kind of what's cool about your relationship with, with the nine in your household is you're the Example of their growth number.

But if you force it upon them, they won't do it. And so how that child will lean more into your wisdom, that is their growth is by you taking the time to kind of be in the trench with them, even though they'll try to pacify and create like, everything's fine, don't worry about it. I'm good. That isn't always the truth. So does that help? Is that helpful with your three different centers of intelligence in your household?

No, it's very interesting. Let me ask you this, given that I'm the one who's been studying the Enneagram, you know, and following you, and my girls have read a book, listen to some podcasts. They're a little bit exposed. The rest of the family, not at all.

How. How do we. I understand how this can help me respond differently, understand differently, maybe identify more what they need from me. But how do you incorporate it with the whole family? I mean, how do you bring it up with.

Well, yeah, well, you don't necessarily. You know, and I say this a lot. Like, I was using this for five years before I ever uttered that word. You can make a lot of headway without anybody even knowing that you're using it. And especially when you have this kind of age range. If it's Mom's idea, the chances of them being on board are like, yeah, that's cute, Mom. We don't need one of your new cool things. Like, we know you're on this journey, but, like, we love that journey for you, Mom. But, like, yeah, no, thanks. Right, so. And same. When I was learning about this, my kids were 14 and 15. If I had come home and been like, guess what?

They wouldn't have landed. So you just knowing their types and knowing where their core motives and core fears are and speaking to that, Like, I think the way it's kind of this attraction rather than promotion thing. And I know you've been in network marketing. Um, you know, I've been in that as well as recovery, even my work with the Enneagram is I embody compassion, empathy, and wanting to speak in a way to whomever's in front of me in a way that. That I'm always speaking. What's in it for them, including my kids. And when you are, they'll notice the way that you communicate with them shifting just by you understanding this. They don't have to know what's going on. They don't have to understand that it's the Enneagram. Nobody in my life did for five years that I was using this. But when they see efforts that you are working hard to speak in a way that. That allows them to grow, that's true. In a way that's true to them, they are going to take notice. And then maybe a few years from now, you can say, you know, when things started to shift in our relationship, this is actually what I was using. And even though I know a few of them have been exposed to it, they're not going to necessarily be on board for this. But that's the cool thing about the Enneagram is you can be the one using it. Nobody else has to know it. And it could still be super effective in your life because it will enrich your relationships. People will feel that, wow, she's speaking in a way, especially when they know that you're different than them. That changed everything. My two kids are different from each other and also different from me. And they could feel that, like, wow, mom's trying to communicate in a way that is best for me, not what's best for her. That earns credibility, trust, and respect. And then, you know, at some point, they may or may not ask, or the people that you lead, you know, in your businesses, they may or may not ask, but people will feel the shift.

So what about the damage I've done in the past?

Like. Like what?

No, I'm just saying when everybody was home, I was definitely in my militaristic three mode of get shit done and everybody. Yeah, you know, I was. There was no room for individual how I responded to anybody individually. It was because they were all so close in age and, you know, it's chaotic. I just, I've changed now. But, you know, you always think about how you're raised.

I will say this, Matt. It's never too late. And each of your children are on their own journey. And they can either choose at some point in their life, like, you know, all this regret and shame that we have, like, I have a lot of that too. I screwed up a lot for sure. And my kids wouldn't be though who they are today without even some of my mistakes. Like, so it's not our job to kind of go and play God now. We are personally accountable for when we know things didn't work for the family to kind of keep our side of the street clean. And when we know better, we do better. And you're doing that now. If they choose to kind of use some of the ways that you operated as permission to be little shits in the world, that's going to Be on them right you, if they ever come to you with a conversation and say, you know, mom, like when you handled things this way, like it didn't sit well with me and you not making excuses for it and you saying you're 100% right, you know, I was just doing what I was taught, told and modeled and recognize now that that didn't serve any of us very well. And I'm working hard to unlearn, to learn a new way so that I can know the way, go the way and show the way differently for you. And I do apologize, like I take full accountability that I didn't know better then, but I do now. And I will do everything in my power from here forward to speak and honor you in a way that I know serves you best without self abandoning myself. But it's never too late. It's never too late. But they're on their own journey too. And they can choose to take what they've experienced in their life and use it as an excuse to go down a certain road, or they can use it like you and I have to make something beautiful out of it. But that's going to be their choice. But you being accountable for when you know better, you do better and, and holding true to that. And if they ever feel the need or desire to come talk to you about some things that didn't sit well or land well for them or that has impacted them, listen and take accountability and, and continue to move forward. It's never too late.

One of the things that I am grateful for in my upbringing, because I think we've done the opposite with our own kids, has been in. When I was a child, it wasn't who I was, it was what I accomplished. The bragging rights from my dad were always, what did you get on that grade? Are you the valedictorian? And so at a very early age, I felt like I had to perform to earn my love. And it really damaged me. It really caused a lot of internal insecurities. On the outside, I always appeared real confident. On the inside, I was so not confident. And I've done a lot of healing around that. And so I've been very cognizant at an early age of when the kids changing my wording around them, not just, you know.

That'S really good that you did good on that test. I tried to make it that I didn't care so much about the test. I am proud of you. Are you happy with it? How do you feel about it? And just really turning it into their Feelings. And that's been a conscious decision I've had to make because, okay, right out of the gate at 18, I became an EMT, and then I was a paramedic before I was 21. And so I was learned how to separate from my emotions. I was learned to get up there, triage and do it, but. But not to feel it. And I carried that into all aspects of my life. My relationships, my work, my leadership style was all about getting it done, triaging it, getting it done, and don't feel it. And so it's been a big journey to identify that, realize the damage that's caused within myself, and then to try and heal that. And now I'm just the opposite, I think I saw you a few weeks ago, and I started crying. And I said, believe it or not, I never used to cry at a movie. Movie. Nobody ever saw me cry, ever. I never cried at a funeral. And now I can't control it. It's like. Comes out all the time.

It's good. Yeah, that's the thing that's. Most people don't recognize about threes, and even threes themselves, like, when they find out they're in the feeling center, they're like, what do you mean? Like. But here's the thing. Like, you do process everything through feelings, but the me, the minute you feel that, it's, like, shoved down. And what do I like? Okay, now how do I, like, move forward with that? Rather than taking the time, you bypass it. Right? But what I usually say to people is, even though threes appear to not feel because they can disconnect, to get shit done and to achieve and to do all the things, it's still there, and it's still in their body, and it's still, like, buried in there. And so the real flex for a three is doing exactly what you're doing is allowing yourself and. And not judging it and meeting yourself with compassion and understanding that that was part your natural wiring and part, you know, the conditioning and the socialization and all of it. And you can unlearn it and meet it with compassion and use it for good. You'll still always get shit done, but when you feel it along the way in the journey, you'll find so much more fulfillment as a mom, as a partner, as a business owner and leader.

Love that. What do you do when you feel stuck?

Like, give me an example, because stuck can mean something to you, and it might mean something different to me. So when. What does stuck mean to you?

Okay, I've been on a 10 year personal development journey. Working on everything from confidence to mindset to physical health to endurance to just everything, money, mindset, body image. I've been just, just on this journey and I feel like I've made tremendous progress in most areas. And the one area that I've worked on the hardest is the money mindset. And it's the area that sometimes I feel like no matter how much Chris harder I listen to, no matter how many books I read, no matter how much mental work I'm doing, sometimes I just, my old reactions of scarcity keep popping in and I'm really struggling to shake it. And I've been intentionally trying to shake that for several years.

Yeah.

You know, there's a few things going on. I think for you there is probably experiences that you had in your family growing up around money, what it meant to you, what it maybe how it was played out, things that were taught about it, things that were modeled about it, you know, so there's the nurture aspect of who you are. Right? And I have a lot of that shit. A lot. And even though like I have had money breakthroughs and I've come light years and I've made a lot of money and all the things I'm in the midst of, of this right now too, like a new kind of like breakthrough that I'm working on and what that means to me. So like the, the nurture part of who we are, the nature part of who you are also as that self preservation 3. So this is where understanding the instinct, that self preservation aspect of you is really, really important. And I think, you know, if you're a self preservation type, whether you're a three, a two, a seven, an eight, doesn't matter. Safety, security and comfort is the first thought. And how is this going to affect me? How is this going to affect me? And because especially the world right now, there's so much uncertainty, this is making you hyper focused on it. Right. So combine that natural instinct of safety, security and comfort with a crazy ass world plus with probably some stuff that you grew up with. Were you closer to your mom or dad, would you say growing up or whose opinion did you value more? Probably your dad's. Right.

Opinion. Yes, I valued my dad's more. Yes. My mom was emotionally unavailable to me though. She was physically there all the time, but emotionally unavailable from her own stuff.

And you probably looked at your dad like he was a successful one, right?

Definitely. Yeah.

Same. Okay, same. So even though I'm sure in your 50 some years like you can look back and like dad had his own set of problems. Same. Because your main motivator is significance in what you do and what you achieve, you are more likely to go off the belief system that dad either taught, told or modeled for you. Right?

Correct.

So I did too. And my dad, you know, thank God he taught me some of the things he did. I'm sure there are some things that your dad taught you that are very well applied in your life and business today. And same and we can hold and at the same time, and my dad also taught me that more money, more power meant more abuse as well. And there were things about that. And so I found myself even judging when I would make a shit ton more money. Does this mean I'm going to be abusive and I would almost like sabotage it subconsciously.

Now, recognizing that safety, security and comfort also for you, what does safety, security and comfort mean for you? And as a three, because like the safety, security and comfort is one thing and then the needing to be the best as a three, like is there ever going to be enough that satisfies that self preservation three part of you. So this is the nature part of who you are. Right. You got the nurture part of the belief system around what was taught told and modeled for you. And now you have the nature part of who you are, the self preservation 3. Is it ever going to be enough for you to feel safe, secure and that you have arrived?

Is it?

I think so.

I know that threes are always want to be the best and want to be the best.

I'm not aware that that's as important to me as the feeling of safety and security specifically around money. And I think I've been through some traumas. I joke with my friends that it's PTSD around money. Some things that have happened since I've been married in the last 20 years.

Yeah.

That have been. You know, when you have five kids, you have that responsibility and it's just very, very scary place to be. And I, it like caused this, this stuckness to where I'm scared to death of ever going back to that position. And yet I know I won't. I'm a different person now than I was then and my kids are older. There's. But I just, I can't get rid of that feeling of being scared.

Well, you don't need to get rid of the feeling of being scared. You need to nurture and honor that feeling of being scared because trying to get rid of it is creating more shame which creates the cycle to continue. How about you recognize and, and like, imagine yourself as like a four or five year old learning about or believing certain things about money like you and I did. You know, we grew up in a similar era where I, you know, probably depression era parents, right? And so they were carrying a lot of scarcity and fear and lack into.

Our upbringing, right? And before I used to shame myself or get angry when I would have this fear because, you know, I'm bulletproof, baby, and, and I can make anything happen and so can you. And so when those feelings come up, instead of trying to get rid of it, I meet it from the perspective of the little girls in you and I that experienced that belief system that was taught, told and modeled for us. And of course we're going to be scared because a lot of our parents, and then, you know, you're married, maybe your husband brought some of that shit into your marriage, who knows? But meeting it with compassion rather than judgment and labeling it as I got to get rid of it or so there's something wrong with it because that would be like meeting that four or five year old, six year old, it is huge. And I'm in the middle of it. I'm in the middle of it myself. New levels bring new devils. And especially as we continue to evolve, even though I make a lot more money than I did 20, 30 years ago, there's different kind of excavation that is coming up and lower or levels of belief that are even lower than I thought that are coming up. And if I meet it with anger or shame or judgment, honestly the same package will keep showing up in different wrapping paper, but I'm meeting it with compassion. It doesn't mean it's easier though.

Well, I feel a lightness, compassion.

I feel a lightness in my chest just hearing you say that because I have been trying to get rid of the, that scarcity mindset. And then I didn't realize till you just said it, but I was feeling shameful that I'm still hanging on to it instead of recognizing it and, and nurturing it with compassion and recognizing it for what it is. I mean, that in itself is just this huge shift in me.

I mean, think about, think about one of your children when they were younger, if they came to you fearful, did you shame them for that?

No.

No. You pulled them up on your lap or you hugged them, or you said, I got you, babe, it's gonna be okay. So we're no different. I mean, the inner child in all of us is running the show. And do you see those little characters behind me? I Know, like if you're listening, you don't see them. There's five little characters from the movie Inside out and they're basically about the five really important human emotions and they're all necessary. And one of them is fear. And it doesn't mean they're bad. They're all important. And it's how we nurture those emotions and how we help regulate and come to terms with those emotions that allow us to transform, accept and change the patterns of the past. And I needed to, because fear and sadness are two emotions I don't really love. But after watching that movie and seeing the cute little faces and then also tying them to the cute little face of my four year old self allows me to find compassion when I am fearful or when I am sad. And recognizing that if I really want to transform my belief and the way I operate, if we're talking about money right now, then I have to fall in love and have compassion for that part of me too. Because it's human. And we are all humans. No matter how indestructible and bulletproof we think we are, we're still human freaking beings. And the more you can meet that human side of you with that kindness and compassion, the faster this will evolve. Doesn't mean it won't come up again. I'm living proof of that. But when you can meet it there, that's when you have change.

Well, I gotta tell you, you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. You just blew me away because as I shared with you, I've had a shift in the last few weeks just in my inner feeling of safety and security because things are changing in my life and I realized that the safer I feel, the more.

In flow I feel, the more comfortable in life I feel. But then when that scarcity mindset, you know, raises its fierce head and you're not expecting it, then I immediately jump back into my old ways. And now I'm just gonna recognize it and realize I can't heal something overnight that has taken 60 years to get this bad, right?

Yeah. Well, if you think about it, you know, I know like you and I are both in this modern entrepreneurial kind of era that, you know, just the grinding that threes and eights like you and I are known for, like, although yes, that produces results, it has some casualties if we're not careful. And one of the highest frequencies within flow in our body is gratitude and compassion and empathy that scarcity lack and fear holds a much lower frequency which will block our blessings. It's like an energetic tourniquet and blocking flow. And so when we can learn to surrender with that compassion, with gratitude, with thankfulness, even when shit's hitting the fan and getting ourselves in that frequency, even when it's uncertain, even when it's scary, even when we have fear or sadness, and all of it because we're operating at a higher frequency, flow can happen. Shame is one of the lowest frequencies there is. You know, and judgment and. And all of that. It's easier said than done, girlfriend. Well, and especially when you have five and six decades like we do, it's harder.

And that explains why in the past, when I've accomplished something that you would think I would just feel so good about, it doesn't always feel that good. It feels good, but you feel like you're still being held back. And it's because it didn't happen with flow. It happened with the toughness, the grit, the hard work. And then you don't get that same satisfaction as when everything's just like falling into place and you feel like you're. I just. Flows. My new favorite word I never understood until recently.

I was having a conversation last night with my 25 year old son via FaceTime. I was sitting in the parking lot of like Costco and you know, he's living on his own for the first time. I'm living on my own for the first time. We were having this beautiful conversation. I was telling him I was listening to this book about flow and how I feel not in flow currently. And it's frustrating because I know the importance of it. I know all this stuff and I teach it. And I was telling him I was taking him back to 11 years ago, my first year of sobriety, when I walked away from everything and everyone that I'd ever known. But I never felt more in flow in my life. And it's because I was in compassion and surrender. Even with so much uncertainty, like I had no friends. I had a brand new business in an industry that I knew nothing about. It was with a lot of women that I was working with, which I typically didn't have a good track record with. And I had never felt more in flow and more joy, even though I was scared and recognizing that the difference was compassion, empathy, grace, love, understanding and harnessing and loving all of the emotional aspect of the human experience rather than just kind of doing the grind. I've been trying to do the grind again because it's what I've known most of my life. It's, you know, the sidekick to an eight and A three like you. But that won't, like. Once we know what we know, which I know you do, you can't unknow it. Right. And the more we try to go back to our old ways, the more resistance we're going to get, because we know better. And then the real flex, though, is knowing that we're not. We know better and we're not doing better, but meeting it with compassion instead of the judgment and shame.

That is huge.

I needed this conversation today, too, babe.

Thank you so much.

How you feeling?

I feel great. And I am going to be praying that you find your flow again, because when you're in flow, I will. You are so, so unstoppable.

I'm on the upswing of it. I feel it. You know, I'm talking about it. Which is where compassion lies, is in connection. Right. And I'm leaning in. It's still radically uncomfortable for me and you. It's not a fun. I'm not a huge fan of this part of it, but I know that to whom much is given, much is required. And with great reward comes a big responsibility. And I'm here for it. Even though I might be having an internal tantrum from time to time, like you might be from time to time. But, like, this is the full scope of the human experience, and I'm here for it. And I think you are, too.

I know I am. Yeah. I haven't felt a tantrum in a while and.

Oh, good, good.

Thank you, Tracy. Thank you.

It'll come.

Appreciate it.

Oh, you guys, I hope you love this episode. I think hearing into the heart and the soul of Enneagram Threes is really important because you do make it look really easy. And I think you're a beautiful example also for the enneagram 3, that when you lean into that vulnerability and honor the full scope of the human emotions, not just like the fiery get shit done part of who you are, but the fearful part. And the more that three share that vulnerably, the more that you will feel fulfillment in the things that you choose to do, whether it's in your home or out in the business world.

Too true authenticity is easy. True authenticity feels so good. And it's taken me many years to get here, not be living my life for what other people think or judgment. Just being myself and not worrying about it. It feels really, really good.

Well, I like you, Laurel. And I love who you are. Not just by what you do or what you achieve or how you appear, but because you. You absolutely are an amazing human. So thanks for sharing with everybody today you guys. If you love this episode, give it a share. If you know or love or Leader three or you are a three, definitely share this with those people. It's absolutely an important conversation that is talked about specifically around self preservation types and the Enneagram 3. Thanks again Laurel.

Thank you Tracy.

I'm sorry. So happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@traceeomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life. Ram.