EP393: The Enneagram Edge: Beating the Odds on Quitter's Day - Understanding the roadblocks in your resolutions

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life.

In fact, in true enneagram 8 style.

I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello and welcome back to Lead with the Enneagram. We are rounding out January and last week there was this thing called Quitters Day that came into my understanding. And it's sad that there is even a day that we have that's called Quitters Day. And this is basically.

The day that they have declared is the day that most people quit. The intentions, the resolutions and things that they have put on their to do list. Less than three weeks into the new year is when most people quit. And today I wanted to help you break that curse. I'm not immune to any of this either. One of the things that I committed to at the beginning of the year was journaling every day. I am not a journaler.

Naturally. It feels very weird to me. I'm a scribbler, I'm a jotter downer. But as far as like sitting down and saying like, okay, what is it that I'm thinking about right now? Not a natural thing to me. And I said I was going to do it every day, and I did it for four. And so I kind of wanted to dive in today why that might happen for each Enneagram type, and specific reasons why you might struggle to stick to something. I know sometimes we put too much on the list, like I've talked about. We make these grandioso declarations of what we're gonna do or quit. We get wrapped up in the excitement of everybody doing it on social media and having to kind of plant the flag in the sand. And I'm not opposed to some of this. However, I want to really touch on what challenges each of us face around this kind of thing and specific reasons why you struggle to stick with it. Sometimes the internal, sometimes the external factors influencing each Enneagram type. But before we do, like, I want to kind of dive into the nine Enneagram types again. And one of the reasons why they may quit. So for Enneagram ones, you know, they're the improvers. They're the perfectionists. They probably have a hard time sometimes setting these big goals because there's no gray area, right? Usually, Enneagram ones don't quit. They're probably the type, I would say, least likely to quit on anything because they do what they say they're going to do. This, however, might paralyze them in even making goals. Enneagram twos are the considerate helper, right? And a lot of their goals, you know, they recognize that they can get into trouble by not having boundaries and not taking care of themselves. And then the first dopamine hit of, you know, feeling loved and appreciated for what they do for other people can have them self abandoning. For Enneagram threes, these guys see a goal and hit a goal, and although they may not quit per se, they pivot and change directions. Like, if they know they're not going to finish something strong and win, they don't necessarily quit. They just redirect. Not always a bad thing. However, there's always kind of this underlying thing. For Enneagram fours, I would say they probably struggle a lot with not following through on something because, you know, everything they do is based on a feeling on genuine authenticity. And the fact of the matter is, is to get shit done, we all. We can't always be in the mood or feel aligned or things like that. So I think Enneagram fours typically struggle around giving up on things before the miracles happen. You've heard me say that about them before. Enneagram fives are similar Enneagram ones. I would Say they, you know, if they say they're going to do something, they do it. They're. They're black and white with facts.

But they won't maybe commit to a lot of things. And they definitely won't necessarily go with the masses and do the things. And they're usually pretty quiet about it. They're not one to make big declarations. So enneagram fives, you may not even know if you love or lead one, that they have kind of set intentions for something and then maybe quit or don't follow through, but they do. Enneagram sixes are similar to enneagram ones in the way, as you know, they enneagram sixes typically do what they say they're going to do because they need that certainty, right? If they say they're going to do it, then they do it, then they have certainty. Now, I'm not saying they don't procrastinate or get all up in their, their shit about it, but sixes typically follow through. The thing is, is sometimes they have a problem and a hard time getting started. Enneagram sevens are similar to enneagram threes in the fact that, you know, they get excited in the moment. They may pivot or redirect for different reasons than threes. Like threes, their motivation is about being the best and winning and all that. Sevens, they're motivated very differently, but it can look very similar. It's why sevens and threes can mistype as each other as well. Sevens usually will redirect, chase a different shiny object, pivot, because it's boring, if the excitement has worn off, if what it takes to get there is, is not exciting to them anymore. And so although they may not quit, like I said about threes, they may not take themselves out of the game. They're just going to go play a different game, right? And like, like fours, sevens can also quit before the miracle happens. Because sometimes the things that they've committed to actually are the very things they, they are aligned to do. But if it feels like it's too much, too hard, uncomfortable, they may quit the very thing that they're supposed to be doing in this lifetime. For my enneagram eights.

I, I can be a quitter sometimes. I'm not gonna lie. They're like, when it comes to my character and doing for other people, like, if I have committed to it, I will do it, especially around other people, because, you know, enneagram eights are motivated by being strong and powerful and some of these other things that I have really Challenged myself. And I know other Enneagram Eights can see this. The things that maybe we don't necessarily cognitively believe are what makes us strong, but our soul knows, like, it's strong. I know going inward with a journal and getting a lot of this shit out of my head and out of my heart onto paper is actually really the power move here, but my old conditioning sometimes says, like, this feels way too vulnerable. This is stupid. This isn't really what strong girls do. And that's actually not true. That's actually not true. But Eights will typically bail on things that don't make them feel strong and powerful. Vulnerability. Hello. Finally. Enneagram Nines struggle with finishing a lot of things right. They are about harmony and keeping that peace. And sometimes for them, right, they. They realize that some of the things that they have decided to do for themselves create conflict and create disharmonies in their life, internally and externally. They don't like to be the. The center of attention. And, you know, we need their wisdom out in this world. So what are some strategies, like, if you find yourself in this? I am currently in this. There are a few things, like I said, that I really, really, really want to do. I know that actually my greatest knowing knows that they are not only what's best for me emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially, they actually are the real flex for me. And I still resist it, and I still struggle. And so some of the strategies I'm going to give to you today have to do with your Enneagram type, your center of intelligence. But the number one strategy for each of us, no matter your typ subtype, your growth, your stress, the number one strategy for your type to overcome. Not falling through, quitting, whatever you want to call it. I. The. The word quit is pretty intense. The number one tool and the number one strategy is compassion. When we find ourselves in it, most of us, we. We start the shame. We pull out the shame stick and we beat ourselves silly with it. We build a case even stronger against ourself of why we're a piece of shit and see that I'm not meant to do this. Or we gather people in our circle that will reinforce why we should play small or why we shouldn't follow through. I'm going to sneeze. So if that happens, here we are.

And when I, you know, I'm in the middle of this, like I said, and I very easily could beat myself up, isolate all the things. The stinking thinking can really override compassion. But it is. Compassion is a choice and it really, really means meeting ourselves with this. And this is why the tool of the Enneagram is one of the number one ways to be able to embody compassion, not just for yourself, but when we're dealing with other people's shit too, right? When we understand what is at the core root of what motivates you and your biggest fear.

That'S usually what makes us quit or not follow through with things. So for my, myself, for an example, eight's biggest fear is being betrayed, violated, or put in a vulnerable situation. And the thing around, you know, putting things on paper, there's a level of accountability. And all the things I'm going to put on paper, I know require other people's help, which is the biggest, scariest thing for me in my life.

I have all the receipts to show and the track record to show that going solo has worked out pretty fucking okay for me. In fact, I have succeeded very, very well in a lot of areas in my life. Ironically, in Mexico last week. If you haven't listened to the episodes around that trip, I encourage you to, especially if you want support and community. And it is the one thing I do need in my life, even though I have 51 years of evidence and receipts to show that it's worked out okay for me without it.

I came across something very profound and powerful in the beautiful jungle of Mexico where we were. And the message, intuitively and also verbally from a beautiful, beautiful.

Source out in Mexico, the overwhelming message was, change now. You have one life to live. Change now. And it doesn't mean, you know, when we're faced with the decision, I know each and every one of you listening want to change this habit of quitting on yourself and quitting on your dreams and quitting on the things that you desire so much and. And you know you deserve, but you somehow find a way to believe you don't deserve it or that it's too scary or too vulnerable or whatever that looks like for you. And so when we meet ourselves with compassion, even when I was met with the change now message, I very easily could take that as, oh, you're a piece of shit. You've lived 51 years of your life being something you're not. And that's not true. That's not true. But my life is about to take a very big direction. Change. And to whom much is given, much is required. And what got me here and what got you here won't get you where you want to go. And so you have the ability to change now, but for sustainable Beautiful, effective, elegant change to happen, you must meet yourself with compassion. And so as you dive into your Enneagram types, this is really important because as you see what motivates you and you know, your core fear, the very thing that has you quitting is around those two things. And it will always be that for you. It is your blind spot. It is the sneaky little thing that will kind of come in and create some stinking thinking in your head and prevent you from taking action or from following through after all. So as I'm exploring this, I am being very gentle with myself and taking slower action. See, the other thing that you have to be mindful of is kind of what you typically do when this message came through for me to change. Now, of course, the enneagram 8 in me that is very aggressive and assertive and kind of like a bulldozer sometime, of course, is like, well, yeah, let's go, right? And although, yes, I can do at that is the old way in which I typically have done things and I want something different for my life, so it requires something different from me. So this is where contrary action also come into play. It's like, I can change now, and I can do it in a slow, elegant, soulful.

Gentle way because I'm reframing what strong and powerful means as an enneagram8. And so taking different action in changing now is requiring me to slow down, get more vulnerable, lean into, support. All the things that really trigger the. The very thing about why I quit and even the thing about the journaling. This is the minorist, I don't even know most minor of things that I have decided to do in, in the new year with this emergence. You know, my. My big things for 2024 is vulnerability, visibility, and emerging out into my calling, right? And, you know, I spoke of the journaling and my lack of doing it, and a good friend of mine made a suggestion and the old way that I used to go about that was tell no one, right? Like, I don't really tell many people what my plans are, because when I don't finish them, nobody knows. And I just appear to be, you know, strong ass, enneagram8 Tracy, all the time. But when we kind of share this and discern who we can share certain things with, because there are a lot of people in your life that maybe you've declared some things to and they're threatened by it or it triggers them, and they might be the very people telling you it's okay to quit.

Those aren't the people that you want to lean into. And I'm not saying it isn't okay. I'm not saying it isn't okay to quit certain things. But you have to check the motive of the people that you're talking to. It's why having a really solid coach can be very, very helpful. Somebody who isn't in the day in and day out of your life. And in Mexico, like I said last week, I had seven beautiful women entrepreneurs and friends that I trust very deeply pour into me and to bounce some ideas off of. And if one of them had kind of offered insight and a few of them did around certain things in my life and my business, then, you know, it's a little different. It's a little different. But discernment and understanding who's in your life is another big part of this.

If you have not been typed accurately and gotten my blueprint, I'm going to strongly encourage this right now. You can go to traceyomalley.com, you can take my assessment, which is over 95% accurate. You'll get your own customized 75 page blueprint. It's basically your roadmap to your soul. So that when the quitting happens and month two rolls around and it feels like winter is lasting forever, you have this guidebook to kind of help you navigate the feelings that come up and the emotions and the patterns that come up. Highly, highly recommended. But having the right information is really important. That's why I have created this for you. So that if you're using the tool of the Enneagram, and like I've said millions of times before, next to my faith, it is the number one tool in my life. And in fact, it is the number one tool to keep me rooted in my faith. Having the right information is really important.

But when I want to go to beating myself up, which is the old way of doing things, I have the framework and the understanding of the way that I'm wired to meet myself with compassion. So that if I need to tweak the intentions that I have set for 2024, or get to the root of why I have quit on certain things that I have made as an intention for 2024.

It'S with loving.

Heart and mind and spirit and words. Instead of the annihilation that most of us tend to do when we bail on certain things, understanding why we do what we do also will allow us to make decisions that actually are more in alignment so that we don't end up quitting. I quit a lot less on things than I used to But I also say hell no to a lot more than I used to. I'm also somebody that thinks through the things I am going to declare because I do want to follow through with it. But I would say the number one thing when we find ourselves quitting is because our biggest fear is about to be exposed.

Or our biggest vulnerability. And using the tool of the Enneagram will allow you to kind of get back rooted into who you are, why you do what you do, what's really important to you.

And knowing what you're called to do in this lifetime, it doesn't mean it's not scary. It can be exciting. You know, when we face the new year three weeks ago, three and a half weeks ago, we were all very excited about a fresh start. And I know I am, too. And I still am. And it's like, God, why does this have to be so hard?

Why does this have to be so hard and challenging? Nobody ever said this was going to be easy. I wish it was. I wish it was all the time. But I do know this, that when we meet ourselves with compassion, when we know what makes us do what we do, and it's different for me, and it's different for you, the Enneagram can give you a lot more clarity around what this could look like for you. And when that. And when those moments come that you get tripped up or want to bail or want to hide, you have the way back on your path.

I love it. I love it so much, even when it's equally frustrating. And I know that a lot of the clients I've been working with, it never fails. Like, November before the year is ending is where I get an influx of people. And also this time in January is also when I get an influx of people that are like, okay, here we go again. I don't want to beat myself up anymore. I don't want to have it be Groundhog Day. And I do the same shit. Same package. Package, different wrapping paper. I don't want to do this anymore. If this is the year that you have decided that enough is enough and you want somebody to guide you through this, and I share this with you, that I'm human, too. Like, just because I am one of the best coaches I know out there and one that can actually hold space, facilitate, guide you, give you strategy for all areas of your life, even though I'm one of the best around, I still am a human being and struggle. And I want to share this with you in real time as well. But if you have declared that this Is the year that you make headway in this area and you want some of these big ones to stop for you. I have only two spots left in my private VIP coaching. There is something to be said to have somebody in your back pocket every day for a quarter of the year. It really is. And I get a lot of people that once they've worked with me, sometimes they re up, sometimes they just continue on a portion of it, you know, like with the, the phone, a friend aspect of my coaching after they've gone through my process.

Myself included. I have mentors and coaches that I am leaning into as well. Now is the time before too much of this gets away from you. Lean in. You can go to Tracey O' Malley.com the work with me section. This VIP coaching is by application only. I don't take everyone. I'm very selective about who I choose to do this with because you got to be ready. You got to be ready emotionally because this isn't easy. But it also is the most transformative thing I've been witnessed to see in my lifetime. It's powerful. And I know that you're tired of the back and forth, the quitting before the miracles happen kind of thing. And I, I feel you. I see you. I am you. And I'm here for you.

Ah, let's declare. I, I don't even like this day, Quitters day. But it came up and it pissed me off. So I figured we would do a little podcast about it because it doesn't have to be a thing. It really doesn't. We can make it like, ah, this is where we hit the, the speed bump, Speed bump day. This is where the rubber meets the road. And instead of just going off the cliff, we may just take a little reroute to get us back on track. And that's what all of this is about. This is all about the journey. The destination is always tbd. But it is in the journey that I find the most juicy parts of life. The people that come into our lives that maybe we didn't expect. The people that leave our lives that maybe we didn't expect. The challenges that come our way. It's all part of the journey. But I know that in the journey it can be a little scary and triggering. And I'm here for you.

Always and always. And I'm wishing you so much love and transformation day in and day out, because you deserve it. You deserve it all. And I know that's what you desire for your life.

Yeah, I'm going to listen to this episode again and again and again. For myself, I needed the reminder. But I am a firm believer that when the student is ready, the teachers and the tools appear. And if this landed on your heart today, on a day that maybe you really needed it extra, know that it was not by accident. I am here with you. I love you and I'll talk to you soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Leadership Formula podcast.

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This show by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me directly on Instagram at traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm excited to lead you into the next level of your life.

Sam.