EP400: Show the F up to your life NOW

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are. But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just.

Being some fun thing you heard about.

The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Well, hello. And here we are, episode number 400. And I am typically and notoriously someone that doesn't celebrate.

Milestones, especially milestones that kind of put me in the spotlight.

And I have procrastinated this episode at least.

Three, four or five times. It's late getting to my editor and you know, sometimes I question if my procrastination is a form of self sabotage. And yes, typically procrastination is, or if I'm being divinely led to hold off. And although I'm sure the people that support me are frustrated with me, and sometimes this divine leading that happens for me, I know that I wasn't supposed to record this episode until right this moment, this day, this time. And you know, there's something to be said about 400 episodes. And by no means am I dumbing that down or dimming that down. It's a hell of a commitment. It's been a hell of an investment. And so much has happened in 400 episodes. I launched the podcast on New Year's Eve 2019. So when we were turning the clock on to 2020 and thinking like, oh, my gosh, this is the new decade and all the things. And then 2020 happened, and we all know kind of what happened there, right? Covid happened. And, you know, leadership change in the world, at least in America, has changed. And. And the world as we know it has changed in four years. And it's hard to believe, like, sometimes it feels like yesterday that I started this, and other days it feels like I've been doing this my whole life. And so today's episode is going to kind of be a little reminiscent what I've learned, what's changed, what might be changing moving forward, especially as I have evolved. This is the beautif thing about thought, leadership, leadership in general.

Anybody that steps into the calling that's on their life, we never stop growing. I never stop learning about myself. I'm always calling in mentors, leaders, support staff to help me continuously evolve so I don't become stagnant. The best leaders, the best coaches have coaches and arsenal to help them be the best version of themselves. And unfortunately, with that sometimes comes some realizations that things have to change. And over 400 episodes, a lot has changed about my life. The way that I love, the way that I lead, you know, and I went back and looked at the titles and the guests that I've had on, and some of the guests that I've had on are no longer in my little vortex. And I don't bring people on that I don't love, trust, admire, feel inspired by. I don't give a who they are. If I don't feel aligned to talk to them, I don't. And I've had some pretty influential people want to come on here, and I've said no, you know, but it's been interesting to see how I've evolved and the circle that surrounds me has evolved. And this is a really important lesson for you, because sometimes as we evolve and we shed, it can disrupt our life. And sometimes we're met with this fork in the road. It's like, I know I want to grow, and I know if you listen to me and trust me and admire my teachings of some sort that you are going to be confronted with this fork in the road. It's like, do I play small.

Conform, accommodate, or do I step into who I am, who I was always designed to be, the calling that's on my life and disrupt some things. And a lot of times we are cautious to disrupting things because it's uncomfortable, comes with conflict. We feel bad. We feel like we're going to hurt somebody. And what I know to be true is this. And I will continue. And now more than ever, just buckle up, because the version you're going to see of me is the truest version of me coming in 2024. And seriously, there's going to be no filter on this because sometimes when we are about to disrupt, we play small instead. Especially like, I mean, sometimes you have households at stake in this. You have people, children, and. Yes, I know. But anytime we aren't true to who we are and who we're designed to be, we're actually not helping the people that we love or the people that we lead sometimes. I know it doesn't feel like that when we're blowing our life up a little bit, but sometimes that's required to help other people become the best version of themselves. They may not see it that way, you may not see it that way. I know I certainly didn't see it that way as my life was unraveling a few times over in my 50, almost 52 years here. But to whom much is given, much is required. And the more that we can surrender to the process.

The more the beautiful miracles can happen in our life. Some other things that have happened over the last 400 episodes. I fell in love. And that may seem minor, but I'm not somebody who does that.

You know, when. When most of you have seen me, you know, when I got sober in 2012, I also ended a relationship I was in ended. And at that time, my kids were 14 and 15. And I also made the decision that, you know what? I need to understand myself with compassion. There's a big asterisk there. With compassion. I need to understand and acknowledge myself at a deeper level so that when I am ready to venture out in partnership of a Roman romantic way, I don't bring my same stuff and my same patterns and. And my same things to the table. So for seven whole years, I remain single. And I mean single single. Not one date, not one kiss, not one friend with benefit kind of thing. Nothing. I went on a sabbatical in that regard. And, you know, enneagram eights were very intense, physical people. And so you can kind of do your own math with what that meant for me. It was truly a surrender process. And although I don't recommend or think anybody needs seven years, I'm pretty stubborn in that regard. And there was even a point probably at about year four or five, where my therapist, you know, who introduced me to the Enneagram was like, maybe you should practice date. And I was like, listen, Nance, I love you and I respect you, and you've helped me a lot. And I also know that I don't want to be so distracted with what isn't for me that I miss what is for me when it shows up. And whether we're talking about love, opportunities, friendships, support systems, anything. This applies to you, too. How much are you being distracted by what isn't for you? That you're going to miss the goddamn miracle when it's right in front of you. And I'm really happy to say that I held true to that. Now I had to check myself right as an enneagram 8, vulnerability. And being betrayed and violated is my biggest fear. So I had to check myself, like, am I just, like, blowing smoke up her ass by saying, I don't want to miss what's for me by being distracted with what isn't for me? Or is that discernment? And I am a very discerning person, and I can be compassionately, radically honest with myself. And 100% that was true to me. And so I held firm to that. And sure enough, I wasn't distracted. And I actually got blindsided by this love in my life. And I knew it was there the minute he was in front of me, and he as well. And it took a long time to kind of unfold fully. We went very slow with it. And, you know, over the last almost four years now.

I am in the healthiest relationship that I've ever been in in my life, where I am in my feminine energy, my masculine comes out to play when it's appropriate and required. I'm the most me I've ever been, and he has said the same. But falling in love and building a strong foundation in a way that I am not acting on my old codependent, enabling, accommodating, sacrificial ways. Not only has it helped me and honored my process, but guess what? I have helped him become better. And those are his words, not mine. He has been more himself with this relationship. That is also a lesson for you. As you feel these intuitive nudges to grow into that version of yourself, you will be confronted with your old patterns and. And what are you going to do with that? That's why I'm really glad that, you know, I took the seven years. It's a long. It was a long time. But I'm here to tell you, it's just like riding a bike. And I'm better than ever. So a few other things have happened in the 400 episodes. I became an empty nester. Most of you have been listening or been in my little circle. I've been in the online space for 12 years and my kids have grown up to a lot of you in this online space. They were 14 and 15 when I started kind of this online work. And now they're 26 and 27, almost 26 and 27. And you know, they have gone out and built lives and built real estate portfolios and I'm sure by the end of this year I'll probably be planning a wedding and. And now I have grandpuppies and things like that. And empty nesting is also no joke, you know, grieving old parts of who you were and old situations. And although, like, it's so exciting, like, I know I've done such a great job as a single parent and as a parent that when you see your kids not only thriving in their life, but in their relationships, in their relationships with themselves.

Like, you know, you did a good job, right? And they're emotionally intelligent, they're strong critical thinkers. They are. They have strong faith and strong self honoring practices and they love spending time with me. And it's equally gutting. It's equally gutting. I've been taking care of people since I was a four year old. Literally. People have been in my care since I was a four year old. And so this journey of empty nesting has also been very confronting for me and very emotional and very exciting. It's all the things, right?

But it's hard. It's really hard because it's the first time in my life.

I have to be really honest, I'm not disassociating in other people. And even though like I have found the healthy boundary between.

Being of service to my family and the people that I love and the people that I lead, I have codependent tendencies where I can make my worth reliant on the service to other people. Right. There's a few different forms of codependency and it's a sneaky sucker, right? And I have shared this book thousands of times. But if you haven't gotten it, I don't care where you're at in your life. Codependency is the sneakiest little addiction that will rob you of your self, of your soul. And it keeps you enabling people. And if you truly want to help the people that you love and lead, codependency is something you need to be Aware of. Go get the book. Codependent no More by Melody Beatty. It is one of the greatest books you can ever read. Read. I got it when I was 28 years old. And for those of you like, I'm not codependent. I'm the most independent person in the world. So am I. And even I codependent doesn't mean you're not independent. Okay, so go get the book. What are some other things that have happened? I have had some friendship divorces over 400 episodes. And honestly, those have been even as hard as empty nesting has been and even as vulnerable as falling in love has been. Probably the hardest part of the last 400 episodes has been going through transitions and friendship divorces. Some were on my terms, some were not. And this was really painful friendships with women in particular. And you know, the last, especially five years, I have been very open that like, you know, typically I would much prefer to be in relationships friendships with men. I live in my masculine energy. I did most of my life, so it was easier to kind of be in that. And women I didn't trust necessarily. But as I've grown and really worked on myself, there is nothing more powerful than the female friendships in your life. And like, I have allowed myself to be very, very vulnerable, very much in my 2 growth number. Right. But with that comes the opportunity for betrayal, violation, rejection, vulnerability. And all of those things happened in female friendships over the last 400 episodes. And I am so proud of myself, especially the ones that involved betrayal.

You know, my old go to would be like, fuck them. I don't need them, you know, even vengeful. And in fact, I did the opposite. And when that was happening to me and for me, right when it was happening for me, I just prayed, like, seriously, please don't harden my heart. Please keep my heart wide open so that I can invite more abundant love in the form of female friendships into my life. And I took contrary action. And instead of saying it all like I would have done most of my life, instead I'm like, who can I allow to love on me in the female form today? And, you know, a lot of that goes back to my mother wounds. And I'm going to do an episode all on how mother wounds are affecting your business and your home team and all that. Because it's really important, especially if you are somebody that wants support in your life. And you know, I know I have a lot of male listeners. This is important for you too. I work with a lot of men, but also especially the women that are listening Right now, understanding the role that this plays, especially when it comes to having female friends and support in your life. And I'm happy to report that even through all of that, although painful and a continuous grieving process, because it's still there.

The people that have showed up as space got made, like, even though I didn't understand it all at the time, I knew exactly that it was happening for me and that in order for the abundance in the form of the right support, the right relationships to come in, there had to be room made for them. And although it was hurtful and painful and all the things, because I didn't harden my heart and because I walk my talk in the work that I do with you.

Pretty quickly the right people showed up and, you know, I'm continuing to feel my way through it. Some other things that have happened. Over 400 episodes, I have had the opportunity to work in some of the most powerful powerhouse companies in the entire freaking world. I have worked with teams over at Google, a couple of them, a couple teams over at Amazon. I have worked with this.

C suite executives at John Deere and YouTube and Facebook and beyond many, many more health and wellness companies. The CEO team. I've been on retainer for companies as their go to performance coach. This is what I was made to do and I called my shot and I went for it. And that is super vulnerable and super scary. And because of me continuously stepping into the calling and the discernment that, that, you know, I am intuitively pulled to do, these opportunities have opened up and come to me quite easily. And I don't say that I. That I just kind of, you know, prayed about it and manifested. Shit, no, I've been working my fucking ass off for 51 years. I have been working my ass off. I continuously honor.

My divine path, even when it makes no sense. It's scary, it's vulnerable, it's all the things that don't make sense. Because I continuously do that when the opportunities show up, they show up pretty easily. And if like. Of course, of course it did. Of course it did. Another reminder to you that the more that you can come back home to who you were always designed to be, the more this can happen a lot easier. You can work smarter, not so much harder, right? But you have to know who you are. Which brings me back to the Enneagram. It is like, who knew, like, if you had told me, you know, at the beginning of this podcast 400 episodes ago, that like, the main focus would be about the Enneagram, I would have laughed. The original title of my podcast was called Becoming Bulletproof. And although that is very much what I talk about through the lens of the Enneagram, the real truth of the matter is, is we have to come back home to who we were always designed to be. And sometimes that involves becoming bulletproof. And sometimes that does mean that we have to step into a leadership formula, which is what that the second title of the podcast was called. And now you know, the structure of this podcast is called Lead with the Enneagram, using the lens and the framework and the system and the tools of the Enneagram to help you come back home to who you are. And I say that because I'm continuously coming home. And the more that I clear the wreckage and the clutter and the relationships out of my life that no longer are here for this part of the journey, and it doesn't mean anybody has to be bad or the villain in the story, because they're not. They were all important. Even the ones who really did me dirty, right? The people that have done me dirty did me a favor. They really, really did. They just ripped the band aid off a little bit faster. It didn't feel good, but it was necessary. And as I continuously call in the right people, faith, God, source, angels, wisdom, relationships, for me to know who I am at a deeper level so that I can keep coming home to who I was always designed to be by God. Good, orderly direction, a divine source. The more that I'm able to help you heal and heal myself in the journey. And so for 2024 and for episode 401 and beyond, I'm Anthony, anticipating a shakeup around here. I have been in a cocoon. Even though I show up and I do like the things like I just said, like work with teams at Google and all the things and continuously evolve. I haven't even skimmed the surface of what I'm here to do and the impact I'm here to make in this lifetime. There are some big fucking things coming down the pipe. I feel it. These last 18 months, kind of in the cocoon season.

It has been painful, it has been uncomfortable. I have felt like I'm being lazy. I've even questioned if I'm self sabotaging or not. And I know none of that is actually what's happening. This is what was required for me to step into what is next and what is next for you as the listener, A whole hell of a fucking lot of truth. Truth that will help you blaze your own trail. Truth that will help you move forward.

Into who you are designed to be and. But. And who you are designed by, right? I am going to be bold. I am going to be loud. I don't know when, but it's coming. The title of this podcast may or may not change. I'm kind of feeling it. My don't know to what yet. My look is going to change. The way that I show up online is going to change. I'm kind of saying this out loud and I'm freaking myself out because I don't know when and I don't know what it's going to look like, but I have the right support and the right people in my life that are ready. They've been waiting for me to do this. They've been waiting for me to say, I need your support. And they're helping me. They're helping me put a vision and some verbiage to who I am in a way that you can digest it, receive it, work with it, be empowered by it, whatever that looks like. And you know, I've had a love hate if I'm being really honest or a love and disdain to podcasting. Not because it's a chore, because it isn't. I can easily hit the record button, pop off, like, not that hard for me to do. I have plenty of wisdom in my and experience in my life to be able to bring something to the airwaves that I know will serve and help you. But I am somebody that feeds off of an energy exchange. I really, really do. And looking at myself on the screen here and having a mic hooked up, it's like I, I wonder sometimes, am what I'm doing here really serving you? I. I really question that. And so.

I'm not stopping the podcast at all because I know it's an important resource for you.

I know that those of you that have been loyal listeners.

And even if I evolve in a way that is no longer for you, please know that I get it and it's okay. And I don't need an explanation or even you to tell me it doesn't matter. I get it. It's the way the journey works. But know that, like, I am here to serve you. And I do know that what I bring to the table, it impacts at least one of you. And for me, that's always been enough. And sometimes I forget that even though I have been evolving for a good 23 years in my personal development journey, 12 hardcore 23, definitely been in it that's older than, that's more years than maybe some of you are alive Right. That because of my experience.

I know that I am here to serve and to blaze this trail for you. There's a beauty being almost 52 years old. I turned 50 in the 400 episodes too. Like, that's insane to me. But I will continue to show up here fully fired up, ready to blaze a trail for you, to bring something to the table that is very nurturing, very protective of you, and also guide you like a motherfucker. I promise you, I will always do those three things. I will nurture you, I will protect you, and I will guide you. And whatever that looks like, however this shows up on this podcast, is what I will continue to bring for 401 and beyond. I'm so grateful. I'm so, so grateful that you have showed up here and believed enough in. In what I have shown you. Whether it was through a referral, you saw me speak on one of the many hundreds of stages I have spoken on over the last 400 episodes. Whether you found me because of the Enneagram or whatever, if it was a divine intervention and how I showed up in your life, just know that I am grateful that you have showed up up and that I am. I take the responsibility and the honor very seriously that I have been even a small part of the journey in your story. It means the world to me because you are part of my story as well. I will continue to show up here, fully authentic in the messy, in. In the miracles, in the magic. I know that no matter how big this gets for me, and it's about to get really big, I think that I will always show up here humble and humble to serve you.

Because I would have died for somebody like me. Honestly, it's why I show up and do the work that I do. I would have died for somebody like me when I was 28 to know the way, go the way, show the way, and to guide me back home, home before life kicked me in the teeth. And my. My goal is to do the same for you. Whatever that looks like, whether it's through the lens of the Enneagram, through telling the stories, through. It's my met methodology that I have coached thousands and thousands of people through. Whether it's, you know, my crude Chicago Irish potty mouth or some humor along the way, I am here in your corner, always and always, giving you the nurturing, protection and guidance so that you can step into the calling that you have on your life. I'm wishing you so much love and transformation.

Yeah. Here's to 401 and beyond. I love you.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracey O' Malley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.