EP401: Beyond the Armor: Discovering Feminine Energy and Vulnerability as an Enneagram 8 with Talia A (SO Enneagram 8)

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I.

Was a skeptic of the Enneagram before.

I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. It is one of your favorite kind of episodes based on what you've told me. You love my little hotline where people just like you get to come on the show and ask a little bit deeper questions once they have been accurately typed by me. Because it's really great information to first of all know that you've been typed accurately. But because of the whole thing that I do, and what I'm so passionate about is like, that's great, but what the hell do we do with it, right? And so these hotline episodes are for people that have dove in a little bit with my process.

Maybe got my blueprint or been accurately assessed by me. And then some of the people that I bring on have actually dove deep with me, whether it was on a call, in a retreat, workshop of some sort. And you know, this is something that I'm passionate about teaching you. Like, this isn't just A box. You check, like, yep, I know my enneagram type. Great. Moving on. And all of a sudden, the miracles and the magic from knowing that information start to happen. But the information doesn't equal transformation. It's the integration of it. And so today, I got to bring you my beautiful, dear Talia Anderson. She a participant in one of the immersive retreats that I had done back last year.

Honestly, she is this big ball of energy and beautiful love and light. And she is also, like me, an enneagram 8, which kind of threw me because she doesn't give off, like, Big 8 Energy, like, that intensity. I was like, almost like, are we sure she's an 8? But she is a social 8, and social aids kind of present a little bit differently than the ones that are more intense, like me. And she's younger. How old are you? Like, 21? 22?

I'm 22.

Yeah. Super young, amazing. Doing beautiful things in her life. And I'm obsessed with her tri type as well. She is the social enneagram 8 with a 7. I'm sorry, the 8, 4, 7 tri type, which is the messenger, which also happens to be the same tri type as my daughter. And I'm very well versed with this tri type. And I also know, like, one of the Most special impactful try types is the 8, 4, 7. But also can feel very conflicting sometimes. Right. And so we want to dive into a few of your questions. So, Talia, what made you kind of participate, especially at such a young age and, you know, an investment for your age? That wasn't something that is frowned upon at all. It was like, holy crap. Like, this is a big deal. And especially you grew up and you live in the Midwest, where sometimes, especially with parents, like, they're like, what the hell are you doing? Where are you going? And what. How much are you spending to do that? What was kind of happening for you that you wanted this exploration process to dive a little bit deeper?

Okay, well, first, thank you so much for having me here. I am so excited to dive into this with you. But when we look at this question, I guess, honestly, I was always taught to go to school in the traditional ways of, like, succeeding success. And I was on that route, and I was the person who, like, had all A's and was doing everything the right way. And when it came to college, I. I didn't want to go. I didn't know what job to pick all of the things. So I started to kind of branch out after I got my associate's degree And I took a break and I kind of. I didn't know what to do with it. And I was listening to some podcasts and then I was introduced to the Enneagram and I was like, you know what, Maybe this is that step that I just need to dive a little deeper. And so I made the investment and I just kind of went for it. And so luckily I do have parents that are supportive in that way.

But yeah, thank goodness. Yeah, thank goodness. And I think, like, especially with your tri type, I hear. I just had a meeting this morning with somebody with your exact tri type. She's a seven, though. That so often there is that conflict. Like you're a go getter. Tenacious, do make things happen. But with this combination, it sometimes it can push up against some of the social norms or the shoulds that we think we should do. Right. And I think watching you understand you as an 8 and also incorporating the tri type, it gives you full blown permission to stay true to who you are. And that also comes with some conflict. Right. Internally, externally, in our environment, thankfully. Like, I'm so proud of you. I've said this to you a bunch of times, but the younger that you can get started on this personal development journey, the much easier it gets to unravel. I mean, you only have two decades under your belt, which still a long, long time. And a lot of conditioning, right? Yeah, but a lot easier to kind of break patterns that maybe aren't as set in stone. So when you got assessed as an enneagram8, were you surprised by that? Were you shocked by it? Were you excited about it? All of the above.

So I, when I showed up to the retreat, I didn't really know much about the Enneagram. I had just heard that it could be so impactful. And I had taken a test, but I never like dove into it. I just kind of was like, okay, whatever. So when I got my type, I just, I kind of just sat with it and I was like, you guys, you guys had mentioned, like, don't dive deep until tomorrow because we're going to dive deep. So I was like, okay, I'll just wait for the process, basically. And that's what I did. But I remember when we were diving deep that next day, it wasn't even me that questioned it at first. It was one of the people we were with. And they were like, that doesn't sound like you. When we were explaining the eight and I was like, yeah, I'm kind of skeptical too. But I just, I didn't stand up and say it. And once you dove into why I was an 8 and like, the type that I was, it made so much more sense. It really hit home.

So, like, as we dove deeper throughout the weekend, more of that vulnerability came out. Because the biggest fear for the enneagram 8 is being betrayed, violated, put in a vulnerable situation. And we're motivated by independence, autonomy, strength, and things like that. And you started to get really vulnerable with me. And where you see this is blocking some of the gifts in your life. Where would you say is the number one area in your life that you struggle with the vulnerability?

Most definitely relationships. I think I just. I mean, friendship wise. I have like one really good friend and I have a couple that I've now met, like out of state and stuff, but near me. I have like one close friend and I have a boyfriend. But, like, I struggle with really letting them in and to be able to support me in the most, like, the best way that they can.

One of the things as an 8 that I also struggle with that as well. Yet most people wouldn't know this when they hear about the eights, or maybe are even around eights, especially some of the spicier ones, is that we almost have this presence. Like, we could take or leave you. We don't really need you. We don't. We don't need your help. Yet every eight that I've ever met, especially the more evolved ones and the more spiritually strong ones, we do, though, crave that support, right? It's this, like, we want intimacy and into me, you see, and the ability to have the support. Yet that fear of betrayal, violation, the vulnerability, the reliance on somebody else really kind of plays this tug of war with our. With ourself. Is that true for you?

Yeah, 100%.

And how does that affect your relationships?

It makes it. It makes it really difficult because it's been a challenge for me to actually turn it back on myself and realize that it's me messing up all the relationship. It's not them anymore. Obviously, everybody has a part in it. But how I am very good, how I am allowing them to be there for me is like, I. I've not. Here, I'll just give, like a personal example. So right now I'm in a relationship and we've been together. We're going. This will be like our third year in October. So we're going on three years. And I've just noticed that I test him so much, like, to make sure that he's right for me. And, like, he's always he Always says, like, no, 100%. Like, we'll be together forever. And I always have that hard time, like, committing to that. Or I say, like, oh, yeah. And then I. Because he says that, I almost feel like I need to challenge him to make sure he's able to be that for me. Me. And it's like, instead of letting him in and letting him see me, I'm, like, forcing to make sure he's the correct one first. And then I can share with him. But we can't really get there unless I share that part with him. So it really is difficult.

Oh, I know. And eventually we will break somebody. Like, even the strongest of people, even the most loyal of people, eventually. If. Think about it. Like, think about. We love to be that strong person for other people. Like, we're. We're the people that people call, like, eight's great to have in your corner, because if you need a rock, we can be that. And we know how much we feel good in that, yet we don't give that same beautiful gift to other people. Right. And eventually, like, if you don't. If you're in a relationship with one of us and we don't fully trust and surrender to you, why would they stay?

Yeah.

And then we. And then it happens. Or it. Or it doesn't. Like, you're young, but I had it happen several times. Like, I test them and I'm like, see, that's exactly what I told you. And it's like, well, what did I expect? Like, they're human beings. They deserve to be treated better. But it is the. The thorn for the enneagram 8 and the real true power. And the other thing with being an eight, why we do that to people. So those of you listening that are eights are love or lead an 8, the testing comes in because we measure everyone and put people into buckets. Are they strong or are they weak? And if they can pass our tests, then when shit should hit the fan, we have already tested them enough to know we can rely on them because we've deemed them strong. But if they cave, if they can't take our tests, then they're dead to us. And then we feel the. The sadness about that or the, like, gosh, we're probably just not. We're just too difficult. Right? So let's isolate. Which brings me into your questions. I know you have three really great questions for those of you listening that are eights. For those that you love and lead an 8, these are really important things to understand, and these are great questions. So you want to fire your first one out the gates at me.

Yeah. So my first one is actually, how do I become more vulnerable with a significant other? Like, how do I just let them in instead of testing them so much and, like, kind of just allow the process to happen on its own?

That will be your life's work. It's really, really challenging. As somebody who spent, you know, almost my entire life even in. I mean, I was married for 14 years, and even him, he never got close. Like, he thought he was. Like, I put on the facade. Like, we keep people at arm's length. It's like, yeah, we could even sleep in the same bed as you and do all the things that the most closest person would do with me. But you're not going to access the most vulnerable place of my heart, Right? Because betrayal, violation, vulnerability. If I throw my whole heart into you and you break it, I don't want to be exposed to that weakness. I don't want to appear weak, any of those things. And so eventually, over time, especially with somebody really high quality, that relationship will not be able to be sustainable. And so as you get older, I mean, every time we get hurt, it. It hurts, and it feels like weakness, especially to us. Like, oh, my God, I let myself care that much about a person where they had that much power over my feelings, my emotions. But when we guard it and armor up the way that Eights do, we. We can't just block out the hurt, the betrayal, the violation, the vulnerability. We also block out the joy, the intimacy, the passion, the love, the support. So you can't pick and choose. And eventually you have to start weighing it out. Like, if you got to the end, you're so young, but I'm not. And I finally got to the point where I saw how that didn't work for me, that, yeah, it was. It's very risky to put our heart into somebody else, whether it's a friend or a romantic partnership, anybody. Like, anytime we surrender a part of our heart in a space to somebody else, there's a risk that comes with that. But without great risk, you can't have the great reward either.

And I got tired of blocking out the blessings, right? And I kind of just was like, either bless this or block this, but I'm not going to be the block, right? And if we take inventory and you're still pretty young, even in the romance department, that think about the times that it didn't work out, and even if your heart got stomped on and it was heartache beyond anything, you could have Imagined. Where is the evidence where something beautiful came from? That, or what did you learn about yourself? Or like, there's always something beautiful that can come of it. Now, I don't like that everything happens for a reason, because some really horrible shit happens, even in really intimate relationships. Right? But we can always turn something that does happen into something beautiful. And if I want the extreme amount of love, support, intimacy, connection, passion that can come in a romantic partnership, much is required of me, which means putting down the vulnerability. Not easy. Those patterns creep up. But this is where the Enneagram can help you. Knowing that, like, you're going to guard that betrayal, violation.

Being put in a vulnerable situation. And especially if you're. You've got a good partner, you can talk through with this. Say, listen, this is what's going to happen when I sense this. Not saying that you're at all implying this is going to happen. Not saying at all. I just had to have this conversation in my relationship, like, there. There's nothing you're doing that at all indicates this is happening. But this is the most vulnerable I've ever been with somebody, and this is the most I've ever surrendered my heart to somebody. And so with that big surrender comes big, scary fears.

Yeah.

And the fear is that if I shine too bright, if I let you in too much, you will leave. And if you leave, that will feel like weakness, like I'm a weak person or I cared too much. So it's a matter of knowing that that's always going to come up for you. You will always want to test, because it's like, I need to know this person is strong. But these people may be strong in ways that are very different than us as eights. And we have to kind of check our measuring stick with that.

Yeah.

Does that make sense?

Yeah. Well, and I actually. So I'll just give a little bit of background on relationships since I am so young, but. So I had a relationship from eighth grade to senior year, and we were. And we only broke up like, two times in the middle, like right in the middle. And then I had another one right after that. So being an 8, I don't like to feel emotions, so I didn't process the sadness, madness from us breaking up. We were together for so long, so that was big. And then I jumped into something else, and I just. I ended up having the same pattern happen where I don't allow them in. I act like I'm allowing them in, and then I end up breaking up with them down the line because, oh, it's just not going, like, the way it should. They're not supporting me in the way I need. This isn't what I want for my future. But, like, really, they were never actually able to show me what they could do for me because I didn't let them. So.

Bingo.

Yeah. So it's so frustrating. That's where this question came from. Because being in this next relationship, I'm like, the same thing is just coming up again. Where I'm like, okay, well, we're like three years in. It's time to break up. Because it's not going the way we want it to, but it's like, no, that's. Because right now is where it gets harder. Right now is where you have to get deeper and you have to let them in or you're gonna break up. So. But it's been. Yeah.

Yeah. The more our heart gets invested in a relationship, the actual, like, I'm sensing, like, I've been in my relationship around the same time that the more I'm in this relationship, the harder it is to get vulnerable. Because there's more at stake. Right. There's more time invested, there's more heart invested, and, like, you have to continuously check your measuring stick. Have I let this person in enough where I can make a fair assessment? Have I used words to articulate what I actually want in the form of support?

Yeah.

Right. Have I been specific? Have I been clear? Have I been. Am I clear with what that means to me? Or is this getting a little too scary so it's just easier to bail?

Yeah. Which is definitely easier.

It sounds totally in the short game. In the short game, for sure. With that long relationship, obviously you were young, but what. What kind of. Was the reason it ended up different schools? What was the thing?

I ended up breaking it off, actually, because there was somebody else that seemed like they would be better support for me, so I broke it off. Because of that. Yeah.

Wow. That's. That's not typical. Did it. Did it. It didn't work out that way.

No, it did not.

Did you try to get back with the other boyfriend after that?

I did. We did have a moment there. But it also showed me, like, a big part that went wrong in the first relationship was he was going through a lot, like, depression wise in high school. Like, high school age kids are going through so much that I don't think we look at enough. But he was going through so much. And, like, looking back now, looking at how his parents treated him and all of those things, I feel like I actually Had a disservice because I didn't support him in the way that I should have because he was going through so much and I had such a different type of support system. But I. Because he was going through so much being the eight, I was the rock the whole time. And I didn't feel like I could tell him anything because he had so much. So it was like I just completely didn't let him in at all. And I, four years in, got like, okay, I can't do this anymore. Cause now I'm drained from being your rock and being my own rock 24 7. So.

And then you're resentful.

Yeah. So then I was more just frustrated too, at myself. Like, that's why after this other relationship, it was like, wow. Like, I really threw that away. And we were so good together. And it was like, but I'm more now. Yeah.

Yeah. One of the things that you'll always have to watch for in relationships, and this is a very sneaky way we resist vulnerability, is we tend to end up in relationship, friendship, and otherwise with people that we know we can help where we can be that rock. Right. Because we feel so powerful, which is our love language is eights. We love to feel strong and powerful. Powerful. And when people are relying on us and sharing like we're their go to person in whatever form. Like. But that's also a way to deflect our vulnerability. It's like, well, they. They don't even think that we need help, so I don't have to reveal it.

Yeah.

But then we wake up one day and we feel ultra lonely. That like, who's there for me? But we've also put these walls up. So it's this last. Since I've met you, probably it's the most I've let people get close to me. And yes, I will always be a rock for people. And I also allow myself to receive that kind of strength in my life in different forms. It's not always going to look like our strength. And it. Life is so much juicier and. And it hurts a lot more too.

Yeah.

Yeah. All right. What's your second question? That's a great question.

Okay, my second question. Wait, let me pull that up. It was about the.

Let's see.

Yeah.

Around the isolation.

Yeah. Okay. So when you explained to me the Enneagram, you talked about how we go into. Almost like when we're. When we're feeling like it's too hard or something, we completely isolate ourselves and we go into this cave where we Just block everyone out. And that's where we are. And I've just noticed it so much so I'm like, I just need to get out of it. Like, I know I'm doing it, but how do I get out of it.

Girlfriend?

This has. This is. This is really important for those of us that are Eights and those of us that love or lead us. Because I have been in a state, a cycle of this for the last year and a half. Especially as we are doing things that are scary and more vulnerable, we compensate for that by going into that 5k, right? Even though we understand this is important and vulnerability is where our strength is and it builds intimacy and credibility and trust and all the juicy parts of life. 4 and 8. This feels so freaking scary. And when we're feeling like it's weakness, even though we know from the neck up it's not in our bodies, it feels like weakness and like, holy shit, what am I doing? And so to compensate for that, Eights go into the Five, right? And that looks like ghosting, isolation, cocooning, shutting people out, getting very tactical, analytical.

Non emotional. And when you love us or trying to lead us, that can feel very abandoning. It can feel very cold. It can feel very mean, unintentionally. But more often for us as Eights, like how I. I'm not a huge fan of this stage and I. Like I said, I've been in it for a while. Obviously I show up and do life and kick ass at it, but more often than not, like, I'm a. I'm caved into my house and nobody's coming in.

Yeah.

So what I usually talk about with understanding our stress numbers, Right? Yes. It's under. It's. See, the. The fact that you even know that is great because it's like, okay, these are warning lights coming on. Like, I feel extra vul. Terrible, I'm feeling scared, I'm feeling all these things and I'm going into the cave. And when we know that that's going to happen, especially when we're doing vulnerable things or scary things or stuff outside of our comfort zone, we can meet ourselves with compassion. We don't have to judge it so much right now. We don't want to stay there too long either. Right. And so we can start to use the things about the Five. I mean, the Fives are tactical, unemotional fact checkers. Right. And this is a good opportunity that when we're in that Five cave to say, okay, I'm gathering my intel to kind of put the armor up. Even more. But how about I gather intel that helps me drop the armor.

Yeah.

And helps me come out of it non emotionally. Right. This is where we can gather evidence of when did. When was the last time I did something really vulnerable and scary that it worked out for me and all the things. It still doesn't feel good when we're in it.

But using that to understand that that's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean we suck. It doesn't mean we're cold. It doesn't mean we're an asshole. Or all the things we say about ourselves. Which I've said all of those things in the last six months about myself. And that's the beauty of this tool is it can stop us in our tracks of really.

Non helpful behaviors and patterns. Right.

Yeah.

That's why it's great framework. The other thing that we can do is you know we've talked about your wings before. So as an eight you have a seven and a nine.

Yes.

When that eight is like I am guarding my vulnerabilities with my life. Go in the five cave. This is when we can use the seven and nine as like supplements. Supporting cast. BFFs. You know that seven wing is the enthusiastic visionary, the what's the best that could happen Kind of thinker. Let's make an adventure out of this. I know it's scary but woohoo. Let's fucking go right in. Not a non attached way. Because we can also use that 7 wing to avoid pain.

Yeah.

Or numbing out. Which we don't necessarily want to use the seven wing for that. But we can use it as like what's the best that could happen.

Yeah.

Right. The nine is more of the not so black and white thinking faith.

How can this work for the greatest good of me and everyone involved if I actually lean into vulnerability and step out of the cave? And they can kind of bookend. Because left to our own eight ways we're not going to come out of the cave. Especially in high vulnerability situations or where we feel weak. The other thing that I noticed too in the five cave too is like let's say I'm doing something really scary over here. Like we will overcompensate even though we're stepping out and like you're doing really big things which I can't wait to talk about. I'm doing really big things too. And to. Even though I'm stepping into that and I'm like being strong and scared doing it anyway. We have to like balance out the scale a Little bit. And so we have to be careful not to go hardcore into the Five Cave too hard for too long. But we don't have to judge ourselves when we're there. Meet yourself with a big, warm hug, and then use the other framework to kind of help pull you out.

Yeah, I think that that makes sense. I'm just gonna explain. So, like, I've noticed what I've identified is where I'm at when I'm in the five Cave. Like, what my behaviors look like. And so that's where, like, I've, like the past six months my mom had had surgery, and, like, all these things happened, and I had become, like, the main caregiver of the household for that time. And so it's picking up so much slack, and I was doing so much at the same time that I had no time for myself or anything. And I ended up, instead of using the time that I could go work out or do something for me, I would just sit on the couch, eat some hot cheetos, and watch a show or something, and I would just completely ignore everybody in that moment. And I knew it was happening. And I knew, like, after talking with you, that it was the Five Cave or whatever it was, but I was like, but I just don't know how to get out of it. Like, I don't know how to stop doing that. It's just such a natural behavior. And in that moment, it's like, okay, let me just hop in there. Let me just not.

Yeah, well, the other part of that is, like, we eat intensity for breakfast, and we have a large capacity for high stress, High.

High, like, chaos. And especially in hearing it, it's about your mom and surgery, although I'm sure she's fine. Like, you're carry, like, you're putting on the front being the strong caregiver. Like, where do you let loose? And because you don't let people get too close to you. And I don't either. A lot of times we do need that Five Cave or we believe we need the Five Cave to be able. Like, it's our safe place to exhale. And a lot of times Eights will use food to self soothe and medicate because food doesn't betray us. At least we don't think it does. Sometimes it comes back to get us a little bit, but recognizing, especially when there's a lot of fear around somebody you care about and you're the rock in the family or the rock in a situation. Same thing with you and your. Your first boyfriend, like, because he was carrying Such a heavy load. And you could be that support. Like. Yeah. You're gonna five cave even him out. Right?

Yeah.

So knowing that is part of the battle and then using the other tools to kind of. And. And leaning into the people.

Yeah.

Very, very challenging. It will be your life's work.

Yeah, for sure.

Great question. All right, last question. Do you remember what it was?

Yes. So how do I tap into more of a feminine energy as the eight.

Girl?

We're like the velvet hammers. That's kind of like. That's my nickname. I think I may have even mentioned that to you. And I had a meeting this morning with somebody we were talking about like the eight. Like the sweet spot for an eight is to be a velvet hammer. Like, we're gonna straight shoot you. We're gonna be a champion in your corner. We will be there through thick and thin if we love you and believe in you. And we also will cut you. Right. And sometimes because that. That biggest fear, that big fear of betrayal, violation, vulnerability, that's a very masculine energy that we use to armor that up. And like I said earlier, it blocks us from intimacy, joy, support, love, passion, all the things like at least a healthy versions of those things. And understanding that about your eightness, it. This doesn't mean it's going to be easy. Like you can understand like your growth number is the enneagram 2. The considerate helper. The masters of compassion, empathy, kindness, generosity, love. Right. We can know that. You know that, I know that. But like actually acting on that and embodying that are two totally different things. Wings.

Yeah.

And this is another place where the wings come into play. Because left to the own, the eight's own ways. Nope, not going there. Nope. Not gonna do it. Because if I'm in my feminine energy, I'm putting my walls down, which means betrayal, violation. People could take advantage of me, and I'm not having it. So we can model or manufacture what appears to be feminine energy, but that's not embodying it. Yeah, embodying it is in being vulnerable.

Not easy.

No.

But I will tell you this, my love, that.

The more that I do this, the better I get at what I do. The better I am as a mom, the better I as as a partner and a friend. And actually, the more support I end up with so that I can be the most strong and powerful, healthy, authentic version of who I am.

It's where we find flow. And it's the scariest thing I do every day.

Yeah.

Because it goes against everything about the eighth wiring.

And although we can make happen all day long, which is masculine energy, it's a very action oriented energy.

Yeah.

We miss the miracles along the way. If we can't tap into the creative imagination flowing feminine now when we can put the two together, which you're not lacking in masculine energy. Hallelujah. Because we can make things happen. But sometimes we make things happen and it doesn't feel good. Or we've burned so many bridges and boats along the way that it's like, then we go back into the 5K. It's like, well, I just suck at this. I'm just gonna hide out.

Yeah.

And then our true magic doesn't come to light.

Does that make sense to you?

Yeah, it does. And it does. Because like, even looking back, like long time ago, my dad travels for work and we would go as a family to drop them off at the airport, and I never would cry. And my mom and my sister, we would drop them off and they would instantly be like bawling their eyes out. And I would just be sitting there like, oh, whatever. He always leaves. Like, why are we sad? But really I was sad. I just didn't let them see that. And I now am realizing, like, I'm totally just robbing myself of support and like, of connection, honestly. Because they would, like, connect over missing him. And I'm over here. Like, I'm fine.

Well, and it feels weakness in your. It feels like weakness in your body to care even though you know he's coming back. Like, your logical brain's like, well, he's coming back. Why would I be sad? Why would. Right.

Yeah. Get.

Get into the habit of putting words to especially the emotions you're not comfortable with. Right? I know. I think we talked about the movie inside Out. I talk about it all the time. Like, sadness and fear and joy are three of the emotions that Enneagram Eights don't really love. Even though we want joy, it feels very vulnerable to experience joy. Because what are we missing if we have joy? Right? And same thing with sadness and fear. It feels like weakness in our body. So the more that I get in the habit, like, even with little things with, with like my guy, my kids, my friends, like, putting words to like, wow, I feel sad right now. Like, oh, like, even when my boyfriend leaves my house, sometimes I get a really emotional. Instead of like shutting it down, I'll say, oh my gosh, I'm so sad right now. Like, and it doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Yeah.

He's like, oh, okay. I'm Like, I'm just gonna miss you. And, like, that is giving my nervous system and also building the muscle that it's okay. That actually allowing myself to feel the full scope of the human emotions is a feminine energy.

Yeah.

And also required for transformation in my life and transformation in my relationships, and that's when I'm at my strongest. So it's a muscle you have to build, and it takes practice. Just like any athlete building muscles. Like, you have to get into the arena and into the gym and lift the weights and put the reps in. Just knowing it isn't going to build it.

Yeah.

Practicing it does.

Yeah.

And I'm telling you, when you can find this beautiful flow between your feminine energy and your masculine energy, it's why when eights can do this, are the most powerful leaders in this world. Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King. Like, they are the epitome of masculine and feminine energy in human form. And they're both eights, like you and I. Yeah.

Putting words to it. That's gonna be probably a game changer for me because I feel like. Like what you were just saying was making me want to laugh at you.

I know.

If we're being honest, like, thinking about myself saying that, I'm like, what? Like, why would I say that?

But you want to know what happened when I said it, babe? You want to know what happened when I said it?

Yeah.

I got more love done. I felt him be stronger around me. He felt needed. He felt like a superhero because, like, wow, she loves me so much. She's actually missing me, and she's gonna see me in two days.

Yeah.

And because I trusted him enough to say it out loud, it created intimacy and made him feel like he could step into his masculine.

Yeah.

Awesome.

Yeah.

And also really vulnerable.

Yeah, it is. And I preach, like, we're gonna get into that more, but I preach emotions, like, about kids and everything. And then I'm over here not doing it. How can I teach it if I can't do it?

You can't. Not. You can teach it through words, but, like, the best. That's why I love parables and storytelling. Like, we learn the most through actual stories of doing, not just stories of telling. And although you can say it in the words, when we walk our talk.

That'S the best kind of impact you can make. And so speaking of that, you just wrote a book.

I did.

Okay. And let's talk about what that book is. You don't have to give away the title, because I know you haven't talked about it yet. But it's a children's book, which I'm super passionate about. What made you want to do that around emotions, ironically.

Yes. So I have worked with kids for a really long time, so it kind of just felt correct to write a children's book because I'm very, like, I have all these ideas, like, fun creativity side of me. So that felt like very. Just the right way to go about it. But the reason I really wanted to create it was because the idea I had was to help little boys really start to express their emotions. Because I feel like we don't allow men to do that. And it kind of is interesting going off of our masculine energy. It might not necessarily be men, but it's the masculine energy side. So it's more. So like, let's tap in.

Even little girls.

The feminine energy. Yeah. So now that I'm learning more about me, I know I need this book, so.

Me too.

Yeah. So it's really just about helping. I wanted a way to relate emotions to boys because I don't think it's out there. And I wanted them to realize that emotions aren't just a girl thing, and they are for boys, too. We all have them because it's a human thing. And so I created a book to kind of just express each emotion directly and, like, with a creative twist. And the. The connection between the book, like, the symbolism is that each emotion is a tool. So it's. So I'm so excited. I'm trying not to share too much because, like I said, I'm trying to build it up. I haven't shared the title yet.

Let's tell people where they can follow along the journey, because you're right, this is important, important message to get out in the world. And this is why now more than ever, you need to be able to embody this. Because for you to stand up and preach this, you have to be doing this also. So where can they find you and follow along on the journey and get the book once it comes out?

Yes. So the main place to find me right now is on Instagram. Talia Underscore. Anderson. Underscore, Underscore. And on there, you're gonna find soon we're going to be doing a launch party for the book. So if you want to be, like, the first to know the title, the first to be a part of, like, everything going into it, you will be joining that and we can just start to chat on the side. But I. But I also have a podcast that goes along with that, too. So there's a lot over on Instagram that you can check out.

What is the. Is the podcast specifically around like the book or just the emotions?

It was kind of young kids. Yeah, it's for young kids, probably ages like 8 and 9. But we more talk about like just believing in ourselves. We talk about emotions. We talk. I also have like random episodes where I'll do like a pump up before school and it's only like 12 minute episodes so that you can just like listen on the ride. So you find that on Instagram too.

Is it for the kids or for the parents?

It's for the kids.

Love Obsessed. I will share that with my My Honey's Kids. I think that would be great. I and their boys. So I love, love, love that. Make sure I get a copy or tell me how to get the copy of the book because I can't wait to share it because it is such an important thing. Talia, I love you. I'm so proud of you as a young woman. As an enneagram8 fellow sister, I appreciate you guys. I appreciate you.

Thanks for coming on and being so vulnerable and sharing the heart of the Enneagram 8 to the audience.

Thank you for so thankful bringing me this information and allowing me to just continue building it with you. I appreciate it so much.

So I got you babe. All right, you guys, if you love this episode, share it with somebody. If you're an enneagram8 or love or lead one, definitely put this in the ears of them. I think when we understand each other, we understand everything. Wishing you so much love and transformation in your life, you guys. We'll see you next time.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of of your life.