EP402: Are you allowing a moment of misery to rob you of all the miracles for your life?

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way, and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of Breaking Down Dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey there. Oh, I have been talking with clients.

This has been the common theme, not just for my clients, but also myself, quite honestly. And I know that if you are a listener of this show, you are somebody that definitely wants to do really cool things in this lifetime. You want to be authentic and true to who you're, who you are. You're learning about yourself. You're becoming more self aware. You're even acknowledging things that you need to do, and then you hit the fork in the road. Because in order for you to have the things that you're putting on your vision board, the things that you are declaring in these rooms that you're getting in, even for those that work with me, they're telling me what they want. I'm like, okay, what are you willing to lose in order to have that? Because that will help you discern if this is really what you want or if this is just what you think you want or think that you need to have in order to be, quote, successful. Right? This is where the real rubber meets the road. And I wanted to kind of give you a short and sweet little episode today, kind of talking about this very, very thing because there have been times I've said I wanted something and then when I had to do something really, really hard for it. And I don't mean like, you know, building a sales page or things like that, but like the really hard shit, the hard conversations, the things I had to let go of, the people, places and things that kind of are blocking that from happening, right? And you know, my own kind of part in that when it wasn't necessarily what I wanted, but maybe I was chasing a shiny object or I believed like it was an idea from a coach or a mentor. And you know, I was like, well, that is a great idea, it works for them, I should try it. But it wasn't for me, right? When push came to shove, I wasn't going to do what was required of me to have that. And that's one of two things. Either we're self sabotaging or that isn't for us. So how do we discern that? Right. I know that you have big dreams and you know, you know, you have this calling on your life. You may not know exactly what that is, but you know it's there. You know, you, your story matters. You know, you've been through what you've been through in order to do something and make a big impact in this life. And so many of us, myself included, from time to time, just, we're like, we acknowledge that, we know it. And then it's like, tell me what to do to make it happen. Tell me what to do to make it happen. We go for the strategy. And although strategy is very helpful, if we don't really understand the emotional parts that are holding us back or some of the patterns and people we have in our life sometimes that maybe they're part of the story's over. This is where all the strategy in the world won't mean.

Trust me, I have been in a mastermind. I'm going on my eighth year and I am amongst, I have a network that is ridiculous and I have earned it and all the things. And even if you don't, it doesn't matter. Like, seriously, I have got the best people at my fingertips if I want to with some of the greatest strategy and they've given me some. And when I was making decisions of, yeah, this is what I want to do, this is what I want to do. When push came to shove. I wasn't going to do it because it wasn't for me.

Now, there were times it was a little bit of self sabotage, right, because it was like, oh, yeah, I want to do it, but I'm not ready for those hard conversations yet, or I'm not ready for that break off, break up, right? I've had to let people go. But as I am honoring that and as I really like am discerning and know with my whole being, in my whole body, what I'm about to do next is a big fuck yes. I am literally willing to do whatever I need to do to get uncomfortable, as I need to do to let go of whomever I need to let go of, except for my children. That means everyone else. That means getting financially very uncomfortable. That means disrupting the things that give me comfort temporarily.

When you know that's what it is, then you have to have these, these hard come to Jesus moments. And, you know, it's been a reckoning, like it has been a reckoning for me the last 18 months. And it's not comfortable and it is very vulnerable and it has been gutting at times and all of that has prepared me for what is next. So this is the call to you today is the thing that you're saying that you want. It's usually not the thing you're declaring on Instagram, by the way. It's usually not the thing that you're declaring to a girlfriend. This is usually where I come into play. I will say, like, the people that work with me, like, they speak the real transparent truth. And, you know, if that is something you need in your life. And I've, I've always had to pay people to do that. It's really hard for me to do that in my circle. I've now done that because I've done a lot of this work. Like now I have the support in my life, in friendships, that I don't necessarily need a coach, even though I do have coaches and mentors and therapists and all the things on retainer.

Because it is like this, this energy and value exchange that happens. But I'm going to put this call out to you to really get transparent and honest with yourself first. And you can even slide into my DMs on Instagram @traceyomalley. If you want to declare something that you really want to do.

Share it with me. And it may not be anything you've shared with anybody else. And just know that if you're going to declare it to me, I'm going To hold you to it. I'm like, okay, what do you need to let go of? Or what? What hard thing, like, really hard thing do you need to do in order to make that happen? Because what got you here won't get you there. And for the abundance to come in, whether it's love or support or friendships or wealth or health, thriving, like, you have to make room for it. Like, that's just how this happens, right? And we have to surrender what we know sometimes for the unknown, and we have to surrender sometimes the attachment to what that might look like. One of my things that I preach to people that I work with is you have to have a very high involvement but a very low attachment to what this looks like. And I know when I'm on the verge, any huge things that I've done in my life and, you know, 50 something years under my belt, I've had these huge, huge moments, right? I had a very high involvement to the process, but a very low attachment to what it looked like. And if you had told me 15 years ago when I really was on the verge of what I was about to do, if you had told me this is how it would go and this is how it would end up, I would have laughed at you. But again, I had a high involvement because I knew there was a big ass calling on my life. And if I didn't surrender, I'm not here doing what I have done with thousands and thousands of people or my own family. Like, the cycles would have continued. The shame spirals, the anger, the blowing up my life like, I was done. And I was willing to surrender to the process. That is what's required.

So I want you to get real with yourself and compassionately real, because you're going to find that you've been playing small and this is not the moment to pull out the shame stick. This is not the time to judge yourself. You're human. Congratulations. And you came by most of this pretty innocently because of circumstances, situations. Now, that's not an excuse to stay stuck, right? At any moment, you could decide to get the right people, the right support, the right tools in the toolbox. You can listen to this podcast, it's free, right? And then start taking action in a way that is true for the thing that you say you want. And before I even, you know, tell you this, I just, I want you to know that you're going to try and justify some of the people, places, and things that you continue to do, because it will disrupt your life. And yes, that is sometimes required like, we got to shake it up. Got to shake it up for you to have the things that you want. Sometimes it comes with some disruption, and sometimes, like me, it's been massive. And.

It was a lot of wreckage, and I wouldn't change it for anything because here we are. So I wanted to read a little poem to you. A good friend of mine gave me this book of Awakening. It's a daily reader. Thank you, Amber Lillystrom, one of my dear, dear friends. I highly recommend it. And it's a daily reader. And this one kind of applies today for. For today. It's called Misery. If peace comes from seeing the whole, then misery stems from a loss of perspective. So I'm going to just read this to you kind of to finish this out and take you home. My goal is always to bring you back home to who you were designed to be before life came and kicked you in the teeth or you started believing things that were taught, told and modeled for you that maybe don't serve you anymore. So my hope is this helps bring you back home. Okay. We begin so aware and grateful. The sun somehow hangs there in the sky. The little bird sings the miracle of life just happens. And then we stub our toe. And in that moment of pain, the whole world is reduced to our poor little toe. Now, I had this happen to me this morning. I was doing my thing, and then, you know, I'm rushing to do things and I spilled my huge, you know, cup of water and ice went everywhere, and I caught this. I was in this moment, and it's like, no, I need to get back into the awareness and gratitude for a second. We stub our toe, and in that moment of pain, the whole world is reduced to our poor little toe. Now, for a day or two, it is difficult to walk. With every step, we are reminded of our poor little toe. Our vigilance becomes which defines our day, the pinch we feel in walking on a bruised toe or the miracle still happening. It is the giving over to smallness that opens us to misery. In truth, we begin taking nothing for granted, grateful that we have enough to eat, that we are well enough to eat. But somehow, through the living of our days, our focus narrows like a camera that shutters down, cropping and out the horizon. And one day we're miffed at a dinner because the eggs are runny or the hash is in season, just the way we like. When we narrow our focus, the problem seems like it's everything we forget. When we were lonely, dreaming of a partner, we forget first beholding the beauty of another, we forget the comfort of first being seen and held and heard. When our view shuts down, we're up in the night, annoyed by the way our lover or partner pulls the covers or leaves the dishes in the s sink without soaking them. In actuality, misery is a moment of suffering, allowed to become everything. So when feeling miserable, we must look wider than what hurts. When feeling a splinter, we must, while trying to remove it, remember there is a body that is not splinter and a spirit that is not splinter, and a world that is not splinter. So as you do the hard things that you want for your life, you know you're here and you're ready to step into that calling. Yes, you will have the splinters and you will have the stubbed toes and. And yes, you will have moments. They will just be moments. And it is up to you if you're going to allow it to become misery or not. They are moments and in the moments we can create miracles as long as we kind of stay in that moment of gratitude and know that this too shall pass and more will always be revealed. And so it is. I'm wishing you so much love and transformation in your life.

Keep taking the path and the journey so that you can find your way back home to who you were always designed to be. I love you.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram at traceeomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.