EP405: Getting out of your own way and finding joy in the unknown journey with Kyle Jones (SP Enneagram 6)

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy and to be honest with you, I was a skeptic of the Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model, but with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. It is time for one of your favorite episodes. All the feedback says you love the Enneagram hotline and hearing from real life people and their questions because it's one thing to know our Enneagram type, but what the hell do we do with it once we have the right information? And all the hotline guests that I bring to you have been either people that I have worked one on one with directly, they've gotten the blueprint. And the beautiful thing about the Enneagram and especially the way that I kind of do my process is you get the accurate information, but it's a whole nother ball game when we have to actually integrate some of this information. And now it's like, great, great, I have this roadmap, but I've been kind of taking myself off roading for a little bit. How do I get back on track so that I'm in alignment with who I was always designed to be, while also kind of not disrupting my life as much as possible. And I wish I could say that growth and stepping into who you've always been designed to be isn't disruptive, but it is. Especially if you've experienced a lot of things along the way that have you kind of shoving down who you were always designed to be. And I am an example of that myself. And today's guest is one of my favorite clients that I have gotten to work with. I've worked with his wife, I've worked with him, I've worked with them together now. And I'm very excited to bring a male perspective through the lens of the Enneagram with my friend, Kyle Jones. Hi, how are you?

Hi, Tracy. Thank you for having me. I. I am well, yeah, I'm excited to talk about this because it's something that. Well, as you know, I am struggling with and studying and, you know, it's. It's something that I think people should do. So.

Yeah. So we have an enneagram6 here, y'.

All.

And so they like to know all the things and they like to prepare. And, you know, he was asking me, so would you like to know my questions ahead of time? Like, no, I like to kind of go rogue here. And I can tell like in his body is like, here we go. A self preservation. Any enneagram 6 with the 6 to 8 tri type. So fun fact about Kyle here is even though he's an enneagram 6, a self preservation enneagram 6, and I am a one on one enneagram 8, we have the same tri type. And so even though our motives are different and the way that we fear life and see life is different, the way we process things and go about kind of conflict resolution, communication, emotional intelligence, critical thinking, we're very, very similar actually. It's rooted in different motives and different fears. But it' why I really can see you, even though, like, as an enneagram6, I operate very differently sometimes. Scare the hell out of you, probably.

Yeah, you can crack me open in like 30 seconds.

But that's it is when you're ready for it and you have trusted the process. So something about enneagram6 is that you obviously know because you live this. But for those of you that love one lead, one are learning about it or you are an enneagram6, you're called the loyal skeptic, right? So, like, you're loyal once you have kind of poked holes in all the things that your spidey Senses kind of give you. Like, there's nobody more skeptical than an enneagram 6. You need to understand trust, find credibility, gather intel, all the things. But once you do trust.

There'S nobody better to have in your corner. It's why I don't take the fact that you've gone through your own vetting process to trust me. So even though your wife has completely vetted me. Right. You had to do your own due diligence to trust the process.

Yeah, and I didn't really know that about myself until you told me that, and you showed me what the Enneagram was. I saw what you did with my wife, and I was interested, but, you know, I kept my distance for a little while, honestly. And I, of course, had to do my own homework.

Yeah.

And see, what does this mean? You know, what is she saying? And like I said, your. Your knowledge of. Of these. The Enneagram types and personality types, you know, you could crack me open in 30 seconds. And that's good, because most of the time, my. The walls of my castle are so high, it takes a long time to get in. Yeah. But when you bring. When you're able to talk to somebody like that, like, you know them and I. I don't. I don't know you from Adam or Eve, but I've never met you in person. But for you to be able to do that is. Is really, really cool to help me understand who I am.

Right. So, you know, we talked earlier, actually, today. You and I were chatting earlier today privately. And, yes, you do trust me, and yes, I do have the ability to do that with you. But if you haven't, if you don't know what to expect from that, especially as an enneagram6, that can be quite scary. We talked about, like, opening up Pandora's Box and opening up a can of worms. Like, sometimes we open up a can of worms and only want one worm to come out, but it's like we open it and they all come flooding out. And I know sometimes with this personal growth, personal development journey, that's kind of what happens. And it can get a little disruptive and unnerving and unknown to you. How do you reconcile that? Currently, as an Enneagram 6, I know you're married to an Enneagram 8, so she's, like, let's freaking go. And she'll, like, figure it out. But for you, you. How do you reconcile that as an Enneagram 6? Currently?

Yeah. So like I said, my wife's in. She's an eight. Her. Her foot is on the gas pedal every second of every day. I.

I want to move forward, but I also cover the brake, if that makes sense. I'm driving with two feet, so I've got my foot on the gas, but I'm covering the break with my other foot because I am reluctant. I'm not sure what I'm going to hear. I'm not sure what it's going to mean. I don't like to know the unknown.

But I also know that the less I know, the.

I can't be any better if I don't know anymore. Um, so I have to study myself. I have to, you know, keep pushing myself and doing things that make me uncomfortable, even if I hate it. Yeah, um, I don't like being uncomfortable. I'm a creature of habit. I think most people are. But as a six, I am way more creature comfort, I should say. I want to know what's coming next. I want to know, you know, what the next chapter in the book's going to be. If it makes me feel funny, then it's easy for me to put it down. But I can, I have to make myself keep going. So that, that's been tough for me. I started my self actualization journey probably a year and a half ago. I probably haven't moved forward as fast as some, honestly, because I, you know, cover the break and I, I, I check myself here and there and I'm like, ah. But then I do catch myself and say, okay, keep going, keep going, keep going. You're, you're never going to get better if you don't.

So.

That'S probably how I'd explain my, my journey is. It's, yeah, it's trivial in my own head. If I were to explain this to somebody else, they would look at me and say, what are you talking about? Just go, just do it.

And I'm like, yeah, easier said than done.

In my head. I'm like, I can't.

Like, yeah, yeah. And you know when, if you've ever driven a car and tried to push the brake and the gas pedal at the same time, you're gonna fuck up your car drastically. And I'm sure there are times in your life you're like, you know, you're doing donuts and burning the tires bald and all sorts of things in your life. And you know, the growth number. You and I have talked about this not very much, but the growth number of the Enneagram 6 is the Enneagram 9, which is kind of like faith and trust and you know, taking Steps forward without maybe knowing what the path looks like. Hardest for the Enneagram 6, more than any other type. And it is easy for somebody like me and your wife to say, don't worry about it. FYI, it's the most disrespectful thing to say to an enneagram 6, because they will worry about it.

It's interesting. You. Some of the. Some of the best times I think I have been myself were when I let go.

Yes.

I let go of everything. I had faith and I trusted. Yep. You know, someone that was in the military, some overseas or whatever, some was in my relationship, you know. Yep. When I stopped analyzing and let it be, just let me be.

That was some of the best times that I think I have ever been.

Yep.

I performed the best, I acted the best. I, you know, I was able. I was able to, you know, support and do all these things that I. In my deepest, darkest part of my soul that I want to do. I want to provide. I did it better.

Yep. That's the beauty about being your age. You know, you just turned 40 this last year. And especially as a six, like, this is why I love the framework of the Enneagram, too, because it can kind of keep you from off roading so much and kind of get you back in your lane and knowing that your growth and like, you're committed to growing and being the best version of yourself that it is in that enneagram9energy, where you have to rely on faith. And you have enough evidence at your age that, like you just said, anytime you were at your best, felt at ease, less fear, less anxiety is when you surrendered and trusted. And that's when you have to tap into that bank. So let's talk about your questions that you have to kind of dive a little deeper for yourself. And you're going to help so many people that either are Sixes or love or lead them. So what's the first question that you have in regards to being an enneagram6?

That would be the analysis. Paralysis.

Yeah.

How to get out of my own head, out of my own way.

Yeah.

It's hard a lot because.

My. Some people used to, you know, tell me you're a Jack of all trades. Like, how do you know all this stuff? How do you know these random facts?

Because you're a Six.

Yeah. It's like, I study, I read. Like, I, you know, I'm in IT industry now, but I know a lot of history. You know, a lot of all these weird facts that people look at me like how the heck did you know that? I'm like. But I can't. I feel like I have to prepare myself all the time. And. Sorry, a quick side note. I. Even in. Well, in boot camp, I found my way into a position where I was able to take time instead of sleeping. I would read books, and I would write book reports for my drill instructors. And I did that so I could get access to their computer, and I was able to see what our schedule was for the next day.

Yes.

So that. That's how deep of a Six I am.

No. This is why every team needs an enneagram 6 and why they're the best.

Collaborators. For exactly that reason. They collaborate with others so that they can be prepared and see the bigger picture and make sure everybody's doing what they are supposed to be doing. So you're not blindsided.

Yeah. And so that. So the analysis paralysis, you know, is hard for me. I feel like I. My biggest fear is being blindsided. Obviously, I won't even sleep with my back to the edge of the bed, honestly.

Wow.

Because I feel like I can't turn my back to the world. Yeah. And it stinks. Because a lot of times I turn my back towards my wife, and that's not fun. That's not fair.

Yeah.

But I know it's in my head. Yeah.

So how do you get stuck out of that? Get out of being stuck in the analysis paralysis? Well, left to your own six ways, you won't be right. And that's why, again, the Enneagram is framework, and it has a system attached to it because, you know, same with me and your wife, Zoe, like, left up my own way and Zoe's own way. We're just bulldozing through life. Not always the right tool for the job. As a wife, as a mother, as a business owner, as a woman. Right. So, same thing for you as an enneagram 6. Left to your own 6 ways, you will be in a state of analysis paralysis forever. And that doesn't serve you well always. I mean, there are times and places where that is your superpower. Right. You can troubleshoot anything, which is why Sixes are amazing. Master troubleshooters, master strategists, master Yodas with, like, how things work, because you are ultra prepared. And you miss miracles right in front of you sometimes because. And you miss the joy in the journey because of that, too. So how do you get unstuck from it? And this is where the framework of the Enneagram can help you. So, as a Six, as you know, you're motivated by being prepared, having certainty. Right. Your biggest fear is being blindsided. You know, as a 40 year old man, and especially somebody that came from the military, like, shit's unpredictable. Covid was worst case scenario for a six. Like, how did I not see that coming? Right? Like, you guys have worst case scenario pretty much figured out, but nobody could predict that. I mean, you probably did a little bit. You probably saw it in like November, December or something when the rest of us were like just whatever. Right?

A cabin picked out in the woods.

Exactly.

But back to the framework. So as a six, you have two wings. As you know, you have the five on one side and you have the seven on the other. I see you definitely using your five wing probably a little bit more than your seven wings. The five is the investigator that helps you gather more intel to be more ultra prepared. But the 5 can also help you in the way of being non emotional about it. Right. Where as a six, you can get amped up by not knowing something where fives can be non emotional about it. So you can borrow some of that. It doesn't have to feel so personal sometimes for you. You already gather plenty of intel. We don't need you gathering anymore. Okay. Now, on the other side of you, where I see you kind of are not using this as much, is in the seven wing, ironically, you having a seven child, you know, because we've talked about this, you have an enneagram7 daughter. She's four. Right. What's the best that could happen, right? I have an enneagram 7 daughter. This was really challenging for me because I'm very tactical as well. Right. But I have a seven wing and a seven daughter. Like you and Sevens kind of walk through life as best case scenario thinking, how can we make this fun and enjoyable and adventurous without knowing all the things because details are boring.

And how can we be innovative? Sometimes you can be so stuck in the details that you miss innovation and growth.

And so even some of the homework I have given you as your trusted mentor has been in that seven wing, if you notice, play, have fun, spontaneous stuff. Not things that A6 typically loves to do.

Things I did when I was a kid that helped me grow and I forgot when I was an adult, before.

Life threw that six into reality of oh my God, if I'm not prepared, the world ends or people won't love me or the worst case scenario, right? You went to worst case scenario thinking pretty early on. And you know, sometimes you can use that 7 Wing as an escapist though, right? Disassociative stuff. So I love that you have really tapped into, like, somatic work and. And things like that to bring you back in to being associated with your body. But now we want your emotions to match where your body is, and so doing more playful things. And what's the best that could happen? You know, when you bring in kind of the non emotional part, plus the playful, fun parts, you will end up more in faith and surrender into that nine zone. So that's how you get out of analysis paralysis. You will always default to it, though, and there's nothing wrong with that. So meeting it with compassion, which is something we also talked about today, rather than judgment, because you're going to go there and it frustrates you.

Yeah.

But meeting it with compassion is the key and will allow you to use these things a little bit better.

Okay.

Play is your answer, not the one you want.

No, no, I want to prepare, I want to train.

But, yeah, all the sevens are going. What? You are so lucky. That is your homework.

Right? Juliet's probably like, dad, let's play.

Oh, I know. She's. She's loving it. She. Yeah, she will. And.

And you will, too.

Yeah. And I. I will enjoy embracing that and seeing her enjoy it.

I mean, for somebody who likes to study and be prepared. I'm giving you the framework. Now, I know that's not necessarily the answer, that in Enneagrams, they're like, play more. How can that be? How can that be? It just is. It just is. So that is your homework.

All right?

And it's mine, too. I mean, my Enneagram 7 daughter and my Enneagram 7 wing. I've used it in a dysfunctional way, obviously, in times in my life. But the more that I play and tap into that playful child before life kicked me in the teeth like it did you. The more money I make, the more happy I am, the more love I have, the more support, the healthier I am. So, you know, I have to trust the framework myself when it isn't my favorite thing. But it works. It works. All right. What's question number two?

Two, I guess. Well, you know, as being married to an enneagram8. Like I said, her foot's always on the gas, she's always moving, and she figures things out as she goes. Yeah, I am. I am. You know, courses six in the mindset where I have a dozen different plans. Even if none of them work out, I still want to plan about the next step. Um, I don't want to hold her back. I Don't like not saying she makes me feel that way, but I feel like sometimes I feel I hold her back. I don't like that it's hard to.

Trust the world. I mean, even as a six. But I do trust her.

So I guess, you know, how. How much could or should I let go of that and is there anything that, you know, maybe I could ask her to do to help me with that?

Yeah, well, I'm helping her with that too because, you know, she does hit the gas. And her Tri type is 830, so she's the mover and shaker and you're the rescuer. So, you know for sure. Yeah. But what's beautiful about that is you're rooted in that eight together. So, like very passionate.

Definitely planting your flag. You've made your decisions on what you're passionate about and all the things now how you go about it is very different, which is really great for a team. Right. But if we don't know how to communicate that, that's where shit can go sideways. Right. My partner, he is completely a different tri type than me. And it's what makes us amazing because he brings things to the table that I don't. And also where I'm sure he wants to throat punch me and I want to throat punch him at times. Right. So it's just normal when we're. That's polarizing. That polarization is what is kind of triggering sometimes, but also what makes us amazing and what's. What grows us more. So, you know, thankfully I got Zoe too, and I'm helping her kind of learn from you because your processing is helpful to her now. Over processing and over analyzing absolutely will slow her down and resentment and, you know, all that stuff can kick in. But learning that I like to be prepared and there's nothing wrong with that and nothing to be ashamed with, with that. Right. Just like she is a bull in a china shop. Like that is her gift and also she has to watch it. Right? But there's that fine line in discerning, like, am I needing to be prepared overly? Because I'm coming from a place of fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt, ego, which when we're in analysis, paralysis and holding things up, that's usually what's happening.

Now. Being prepared from a place of love, compassion, empathy, service, grace, fun, innocence. There's nothing wrong with being prepared as long as that's the come from. And if you're coming from that place, if you're slowing her down, it's for a very Good reason. Not from a fear place. That's where her like and she knows the difference because energetically, there's no denying it. Your energy doesn't have a poker face.

Makes sense. There's nothing wrong with you being prepared.

But there's a fine line of being prepared and neurotic and obsessive. And usually when we cross into that obsessive, neurotic place, it's fear, insecurity, unworthiness, shame, guilt or ego.

And I, I, I do worry sometimes being, you know, afraid, neurotic can come off as controlling. And I don't, I don't want to do that either.

Right. Well, good news. Being married to an eight, they won't be controlled. So let me do that. You can try, but like we won't be so you can rest assured that that won't happen. But because I know you and I know why that would be a fear of yours. Right.

Sometimes the incessant planning, especially in intimate relationships that matter most to us, and I've been pretty close with Sixes in my life and sometimes this need to be over prepared and asking excessive amounts of questions can make the other person feel like you don't trust them.

I've heard that.

Right. And yes one, it can feel like you're trying to control, which we know that's not the case. But it can make the other partner feel like you don't trust me enough to just surrender and go with the flow here.

And that creates disconnect. And when we're talking about the most intimate of relationships, when disconnect happens, breakdown. And we don't want that.

Yeah.

And especially with an Enneagram 8, they got everything. Right. Like they think they can handle the world and, and we kind of do. Just a little FYI for you, we got your back. So even if the worst case scenario should happen, you will earn the respect of your enneagram8wife by saying it and trying than being over prepared and stuck.

Yeah.

At least dealing with an enneagram8 partner.

And you already know this, you've heard this, but like actually knowing it from the framework perspective and from the Enneagram lens, it's just true. It might sound manipulative, like we just want you to get a move on, but we are actually enabling you if we allow you to stay stuck like that.

And I've, I've felt it before where she's let me, let me do my, you know, analysis, paralysis, whatever. And then things worked out anyway whenever we did, you know, whatever the recommendation was. And sometimes I look back. I'm like, yeah, that was okay. She's like, duh.

We will get through it. But, you know, we have to work on it. It's not just you. And, you know, not just you, not just me. I'm like, yeah, yeah. It's just, you know, like I said, I guess I have to get in my own. Out of my own head.

Well, the good thing about you too is you know her as an eight. She has a nine wing as well, and that's your growth number. So you both have the ability to rely on some faith. And, you know, she likes to take. Excuse me, she likes to take charge. But that doesn't always translate very well in a marriage or as a mom or as an entrepreneur. So she's learning how to access that nine wing and kind of step into, like, how do I express this in a way that can be received by my beautiful, caring, giving, sensitive, rescuing husband where it doesn't emasculate and, you know, she doesn't always get it right. Self. Admittedly by her. Right. But with it being your growth number, always knowing that's the target you're aiming for. And if you want to be ultra prepared, then you have to kind of make sure that that's where you're aiming all the time is in that faith zone of the Enneagram. Nine, the Yoda. They're the Yoda because they're at the top of the Enneagram and they see the perspective. The six placement on the Enneagram can't see the full grand picture like the nine can. And that's why relying on that nine as your main target in the. The place of faith and surrender will allow you. Because you're going to be so prepared anyway, that even if something happens that you didn't expect, you've got 10 different plans to help you out of it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. Easier said than done when you're in the crisis of it. That's why you do need to know more than just our type. And that's why the framework of the Enneagram can help you with that. It's like. But you have to know what the tools are and the timing of when to use them and then practice.

Yeah.

Just learning about them when the rubber meets the road doesn't help you. It's putting the reps in. Right.

I. I like that. And, you know, to my, you know, my wife's industry, she's an attorney. It's a largely male, male dominant industry. She has to lean into her masculine all day every Day at work and basically push her weight around.

Yep.

And, you know, if.

If I don't, you know, support that or support it when she comes home, you know, she needs to kind of release and let it go. And I get that. But then I'm the one like, well, I don't know what you want to do. Where do you want to go eat? You know? She's like, I don't know.

Take charge.

You pick. I'm like, I don't know. Where do you want to go? And she. She's just looking for me to make a dang decision.

She wants you to take charge. Because here's the thing. And I do this with my partner as well. He's more relaxed and easygoing and go with the flow, like, in. In certain ways, you know, just. And I'm making a lot of intense decisions and holding intense space for people, and I'm like, I need you to take charge first and foremost, because I'm in my masculine energy a lot of the day. Number two, the other thing that's really important, having an enneagram white8wife, for you to understand, is.

Whether she's conscious of it or not, she's become more conscious of it. And this is really important for you to understand that. Four eights. Our biggest fear is being vulnerable and be put in a situation where we can be betrayed or violated. And so the people that we have aligned with and that we have alliances with. Hello. You're her husband. She chose you for a very, very good reason. You're a great man, and she trusts you. But if you aren't making decisions and taking charge of it, in her mind, whether she's conscious. Conscious of it or not, she's saying, if shit's hitting the fan, how can I rely on him?

Yeah.

Or she's just going to take over and be in her masculine energy, and then we'll resent it later. So I want you, as a six, just start taking charge of certain things. Even if something's simple like dinner. Say, babe, we're having steak for dinner. Just take charge. And I'm telling you to an enneagram 8. That can be hot. Just a little FYI, I'll tell you.

Tracy said we're having steak.

Yeah. No, say that you made the decision. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying, though? Like, yeah, I. I gotta say, anytime. My. My guy has just taken charge and made happen. Like, honestly, not just is that hot. It's hot. But also my nervous system's like, he is safe.

He is safe. I Can trust him that if shit's hitting the fan, I've got a partner that can critically think.

Yeah.

Even something as minute as dinner, it goes a long way. You might think it's small, but it's really not.

Okay.

Okay, what's the last question?

Last one. As you know, well, we have three kids. My oldest son is a six also.

Yep.

So I'd like to talk a little bit about how to raise another six.

Yeah, yeah, we talked about this a little earlier. That. Yeah, you have a six, a seven, and an eight kids, right?

Yeah. So they're.

Six is my oldest, my eight is my middle, and my seven is my youngest.

Right.

So, yeah.

And your six is your boy.

Yep.

Yeah. We talked about this earlier. And for all the sixes out there or those of you that love or raising sixes, this is really, really important, is, you know, they are going to have fear, and there's nothing wrong with that. This was something I. When I was learning about the Enneagram, because I would have judged the fear before is weakness. And it's not like I said, there's a fine line between fear and being paralyzed by that. Right. And I think by leading by example in your faith, in your surrender, and also acknowledging, like, yeah, buddy, I know this is really scary. It's scary for me, too. But usually on the other side of being scared and doing it anyway, we find growth and we find confidence and we find joy in that journey. And we're going to do this together. We're going to do this together. So we don't want to just say, don't worry about it, because you do. Zoe's going to have to learn not to say that to him.

He's going to worry about it.

Yeah, he is. But let's talk about why we're worried and what we can do with that worry. We want to leverage the fear. Like, fear is one of these emotions that is important for safety. Right. But the problem with a six is that you, like, are excessive with it. Right. Just like eights are excessive with anger. Sixes can be excessive with the fear, but we need to call it and use it and leverage it for good. It's like, let's talk about it, buddy. Like, yeah, I know you're fearful. What's the best that could happen if we just try anyway? Or what's the best that could happen if we take a different route this way to school? What adventures will we find? What maybe did we avoid by taking. By doing something different? And you know, Ray, I know you're like, God, I have a hard time doing this. How am I going to do this for my, my 8 year old, right? Or you're almost 8 year old.

That one word makes a big difference. I always think what's the worst that could happen? And you said what's the best that can happen? Several times. And that.

If I make that change then maybe I can help him and that's cool.

Seven wing. I have to do it too. Because the eight in me is very cynical and think the world is out to get me and walls up and betrayal and violation and I have to protect at all costs. I get it for different reasons than you do. But I have to use my seven wing all the time and say what is the best that could happen if I surrender here and be vulnerable and let this person in. Or you know, Zoe has to do it too.

So you know. Yes. Like the good thing about you is you think about worst case scenario and you plan for it. But you can't be stuck in worst case scenario. You've planned for it, but now what's the best that could happen if even if we don't have all the answers and we just try and go with our fear and move forward, it's the greatest gift you can give your son.

I like that it just clicked when you said that. So we've planned for the worst case scenario. Don't be afraid of it. Look for the best case now what's.

The best that could happen? What's the best that could happen? Yeah. I have to do it too, you know. And you have a seven daughter and so do I. They think like that all the time now. Like thankfully they have us as parents to kind of rein it in from time to time because they could be like unhinged a little bit with their need for adventure. But we have something to learn from the enneagram7 and it's their beauty in seeing through rose colored glasses sometimes when sixes and eights are very cloudy with trust.

Yeah.

And the more that you can say to your son, let's acknowledge the feelings. We don't want to say don't have them, because we do. Let's talk about them and then like, let's use them for good and let's use them to grow and let's use them to have joy and to not miss the fun and miracles right in front of us. And how you do that best is by leading by example, knowing the way, going the way and showing the way. Because kids, they do what we do, not what we say to do.

So the more that you can do it and do it with him like we've talked about.

You'Re going to see a shift in that boy very quickly because he doesn't have 40 years of conditioning. He has eight.

Yeah.

And it'll be really cool to watch.

Okay, thank you.

So good. Anything else you got, like, any, like, other questions or. Or do you want to tell the people what's your favorite thing about being a six? And your least favorite thing about being a six?

Ooh. My favorite thing about being a six I kind of touched on a minute ago is oftentimes people look at me and say, how on earth do you know that? Yeah. And it's. It's fun, but it also, you know, stressful. It makes me feel like, you know, I'm a jack of all trades, but a master of none, you know, like. Yeah. I know a lot of things. A lot of them don't have anything to do with my job.

Yeah.

Anything to do with the current situation, but, you know. Yeah, I know that.

But I think it's fun. I. I really love learning and, you know, always, you know, like everybody says, knowledge is power. Reading and studying is some of the most fun things I can do, but it also.

Can sometimes feel straining because I feel like I'm training myself for something that, you know, like, worrying about stuff that hasn't even happened is a bit of a bummer. So that's kind of, you know, one of the. The bad parts of being a six and getting out of my own way is. Is tough.

I. I plan, I plan, I plan, I plan, I plan. And then when things don't go the way that I saw it or the, you know, the way that it might have gone based on the information that I had at the time.

It frustrates me. It's not anybody's fault around me.

Right.

But sometimes it's hard for me not to be frustrated with the people around me if things don't go the way that I thought they might. And that is something that I have to check myself on.

Yeah.

You know, my. My wife, my kids, anybody, you know, stuff happens, and it's not their fault. Why am I frustrated with them? I shouldn't be. So that's. Again, that's getting out of my own head. But I still like being a six. I'd still pick it. Yeah.

Oh, six is rock. What is one thing you're committed to doing a little differently as an enneagram6?

Oh.

I am committed to pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I. You know, we spoke about this earlier. I hate being uncomfortable. I want to know what's coming. But I have learned through your work and, you know, some others that.

I won't get better unless I push myself out of it. A better being, you know, I won't, you know, be a better person, you know, a better dad, a better husband, a better human being.

Yeah.

You know, I, I can be so analytical that I am a, a, A, you know, a hole.

Yeah.

And some, to some people, that's off putting. And I'm like, what? Like, that's the, that's the facts, you know, that's whatever. But I, I've got to stop that. And I just gotta be. Just gotta be.

Yeah. So perfect.

I gotta push myself and do the. Do the work and.

Study and try and do. Yeah. Yeah.

I love it. I think you're amazing. I love learning from Sixes because you do, you know, a lot of crap that I certainly don't. And I love when Eights and Sixes have relationships together because you can learn a lot from us to just go for it. And we can also learn a lot from you to kind of like slow our roll a little bit. I know you just helped a lot of people with this episode. And these questions, whether they're an enneagram 6 or not, I guarantee that they love or lead one, have one in their life that maybe they've misunderstood or judged. And this will help the communication process and help us empower each other rather than, you know, go head to head with each other. Thanks for coming on. I appreciate you.

Thank you, Tracy. Thank you for having me.

If you guys love this episode, you tell me you do. You love the Hotline episodes. You can apply to be on the Hotline if you've gotten your blueprint through me, but if you haven't, go get it. Like, seriously, it's the right information. Then you can start using this beautiful framework through the lens of the Enneagram to transform your entire life. You can do that@traceyomalley.com if you love this episode, please share it with somebody. And if you know an enneagram 6, you know they need to hear this. But if you are loving or leading one, take another listen as well. Until next time. We'll see you soon.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the Lead with the Enneagram podcast podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram @tracy o'. Malley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.