EP411: Falling in love with vulnerability and patience with Kaitlin Anthony (SX Enneagram 8)

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you you need to know all about it. So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it?

Great news.

You are in the right place. Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy and to be honest.

With you, I was a skeptic of.

The Enneagram before I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into it well over a decade ago. Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership, sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of Breaking down dynamics.

Of the Enneagram and how they impact.

Your life, career and relationships.

So now let's dive in.

Hello.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. I'm so excited for this conversation because for the last 40 minutes I've been getting down and dirty with one of my favorite all time favorite clients that I've had and people that I've met along the way in this journey. And I think that this conversation we're about to have, if you're a high achieving person, this one is going to resonate very strongly with you. Especially if you're just a go, go, go, power through kind of person. And although that has worked and you have the receipts to show that that has worked out for you, usually if you're going to listen to something like this, you also understand that there's parts of that that are creating things in your life and and struggles and obstacles in your life that frustrate you and maybe that you're not really proud of. And we are going to dive deep into parenting and business and marriage and all the things. And Caitlin Anthony is a one on one enneagram8. Like yours truly, she has a very different tri type than me. So although I'm a one on one enneagram8, she is different than me in her tri type. She has the 837 TRI type, which is the mover and shaker. So like, talk about high achieving, high performance, very assertive. Like all three of those types in the tri type are like the get shit done. We all want to be like you kind of tri type. And as a mom, that's also where it has gotten her into some troubles. So, Caitlin, I'm so excited to kind of dive deep with you and. And I know this conversation is going to not just help you, but other people too.

Yeah, I'm so excited. You know, I thought this morning I was like, great, there's probably going to be some tears today. We love that as an eight, don't we just love the tears publicly? So fun.

It's so great. Luckily, we're in like this safe little bubble by ourselves right now and the possibility hangover will come later when we know the world will hear it. Right?

Yes.

So I met you, gosh, it was almost two years ago.

Yeah.

I saw you speaking on a panel at an event and I was like, oh my gosh, I just, I'm obsessed with her. And then you reached out to me, needing to dive deeper into something. I also spoke at that event and you know, we are wired very similarly. What was it? I know you've done lots of inner work and you've been through a divorce and, and all the things. What was it that you knew that you could get kind of diving deeper with me that you hadn't gotten already?

Oh my gosh. Where do I begin with this question? So about the time I met you was when I was really trying to, I guess we say, like intuitively listen to ourselves. And from the second your foot hit that stage, I had almost sort of like had speaker fatigue at that point because I think you were, you were the last one at that. And I was like, oh my gosh. Okay. I'd heard about Tracy. I was like, okay, whatever. I'm really kind of done with this. And then something happened where your foot hit the stage and it was like this electric shock. And I was like, I need to pay attention. There's something that this woman is going to say.

That I need and I don't know what it is because we don't know each other at all. Never. Don't really follow her yet on Instagram.

And.

Throughout your conversation or your. Your talk that day, you really had the topic of vulnerability. And as a coach and as someone who loves personal development, I was like, I'm being vulnerable.

And come to find out, I was so not being vulnerable.

And.

I was really craving connection, right? So I was like, okay, I think I'm being vulnerable, and I'm really craving deep connection with people. But I feel like I'm only getting just, like, to the surface level. And it's this thing where I'm, like, scared to let them see me because what if they don't like me? And I feel like I have to look like the rest of the coaches out there in the world and the way they're doing it, right? So it's like. But when I really was listening to everything you were saying, I was like, I really need to understand myself more. That's what's really going on here. There's a disconnect, and I can't be vulnerable, and I can't continue to really do the work I want to do unless I understand myself at this deep, profound level. But it's going to take someone with some power, with some force, with capacity emotionally to hold me. And I'm not sure I'd ever found someone that had that. I felt instantly that a bit like, connection with a lot of business, coaches, therapy, those kinds of things. But I was like, I didn't go to you for business. I knew I could have, you know, and originally I was like, that's what I want to do. Grow my business. Oh, no, sister. We. We had a lot of other things we needed to do before we talk business. So that's really what it was. It was this. It was this deep knowing that you know what the hell you're talking about. And you have this tool, the Enneagram, that can help us really understand ourselves at a level maybe where we've never been able to before.

So, yeah, that's what I love about the Enneagram and why it is one of my go to tools. Like, obviously, in our work together over the last year, it's just a tool. We have all these other tools in the toolbox that you and I have used in order to.

Really find that authenticity and vulnerability. But what I love about the Enneagram is it provides this navigation system and when you know how to read the map of it, like, this is where even when, by default, we go to certain places, which you and I, as Eights do, we have the roadmap and the navigation system before we go off roading and fly off the cliff. With our default system, we can bring in these other kind of navigating pathways to help us not wreck it. Also, like the thing that you said about vulnerability, like, that's my favorite thing when people say, but I'm vulnerable. I'm like, because I said that because I didn't know. And you came by it innocently. So did I. I thought sharing hard things that have happened in my life. And this is for all of you listening right now, especially if you're a coach of some sort or a therapist. Like, I know therapists. Why I didn't become a therapist because they couldn't share too much with me, which pissed me off.

But there's a difference between vulnerability and transparency. And if you are craving connection, the only path to intimacy into me you see, whether it's a romantic partner, a friendship, a business partner, whatever vulnerability is required for intimacy. And vulnerability means you have to let people see who you are without having it all figured out. The difference between you and me is we thought we were being vulnerable when we were just being really great storytellers and transparent for where we have been been. Yep. That doesn't create connection. That creates inspiration, which is great, but that's not the connection that you and I crave. And so accessing and practicing what vulnerability looks like is the scariest thing for an Enneagram 8. Especially an Enneagram 8 woman. Yep.

And you hit the nail on the head. It's like even that day you saw me speak, I was talking about coming out and. And. And my divorce and all these things, it's like I'm already on the other side of those. Had you seen me in the moment, nobody would. Nope.

And it's funny because I remember watching you and I knew you were an eight. I was like, oh, boy. And I could feel the transparency and I could feel the energy of the room. Like, oh, my God, she's so strong and she's so vulnerable. I'm like, no, she's not. She's powerful. Yes. She's transparent. Yes. But she already figured all this shit out without any of you.

Amen.

And that's the power of vulnerability. And so let's chat about that, because I know a lot of the questions that you have for the hotline and for those listening right now have to do with your default as an 8 is power and strength. You already have tons of receipts to show you've been through really hard, long before a divorce and long before parenthood. Like, you have a laundry List of you've powered through and like rise like the phoenix, like a good eight does always. But there are some aspects of your life that you see where, although that's one of your strengths, it's also the kryptonite. Mm, insane.

Yeah.

And Whether you're an 8 or not, most high achieving women, usually with the 3, 7, 8, tri type, really struggle with this part because yeah, you're wired like an 8, you're motivated like an 8. But where you go with your heart, space looks like a three, which they don't have time for feelings and vulnerability and sevens like the way that you think it's like, yeah, let's chase a shiny object instead of be weighed down by like bad vibes. Yep.

All day, every day.

So you've got the trifecta of resisting vulnerability not just in your roots of an eight, but also the way that you process through your head and your heart as well. So what is like one of your first questions that you have. And I know it's circle back to this.

So I know originally, by the way, this is like, you know, unsolicited. But if you haven't done a one on one reading with Tracy, like game changer. So I remember during one of our first readings, a lot of the things that I struggle with is this connectivity with my daughter. My daughter's seven, for those of you listening. So at the very early stages of understanding ourselves, our body, our emotions. Right. We're in that early phase. And she is not a 3, 5. I mean 3, 7, 8, you know, and so we've got this very opposite energetic type, personality type. And she really requires me to.

Be more chill, to tap more inside, to lean into that vulnerability, to expose my heart.

And I know that's what I need to do, but it still doesn't make it that. That I know how to do it. So it's like, how. And my partner too. I mean, D is also not the, the power, the eight, the seven. Like just no. And so how can I really be more effective, like as a mom, as a wife, like partner.

By doing the opposite of what this dominances.

Gosh, like, you know, default is no joke and conditioning is no joke. And what makes you awesome will always make you awesome, but it will also really chip away at the hearts especially. And my life is filled with sensitive and heart driven like my son and my partner, he is probably wired like D and. And your daughter. Right. So I get it. And it's not my natural tendency to go into all the feely, vulnerable, nurturing, aspects of who I am, I've had to build the muscle. And like, what I said to you earlier, it's not our natural go to. And that doesn't make it impossible, but we have to first of all, desire that and also, like, what's best for them right now and where will they feel love. You know, it's like Enneagram is like love languages on massive steroids. Like, seriously, like, the beauty of the Enneagram is the ability to communicate a language in which the person you are loving or leading can receive it. The way that you and I receive language is similar. We really do. That's why, like, we vibe. But your people and my people don't like when we kind of operate in our default. It is like we are speaking a foreign language they can't understand. And it's not their fault.

Yeah.

So we have to learn their language, which thankfully you do. That doesn't mean it's, you know, it's. It's not our first go to. It's like when I worked in restaurants for years, like, I worked with a lot of people where English was their second language. They would be trying to talk English and then boom, pop into Spanish really quick. And same and vice versa is there would be times I'd be, you know, because I can speak some Spanish, but then I would get like, ugh, I feel like I'm not doing this right. And I'd pop into English.

This is no different. You have to learn the languages. And that's why the Enneagram rocks, is because it's this language system. But you have to practice using it. Otherwise, like, when. When it gets really hard, you're just going to go to your default. And when it gets really hard is when you really need to have your understanding of this. So we think your daughter's probably a four. I'm guessing four.

Yeah.

Yeah. And I was.

And I think D is a five. So.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So we got. We got some situations here that is not your natural go to. I'm with a four, and I have, you know, a highly sensitive son. And my daughter is more of this free spirit and could not be more. All three of them could not be more different than me. And seriously don't even know how they function sometimes. And I'm sure they look at me sometimes. They're like, you are just a wrecking ball. You. You light it up. But like, okay, so the first thing is, like, first of all, understanding what's their motive in everything they do. So with, like, your daughter, hers is to Be her authentic self. And the conversation that you and I had before we hit record was so beautiful and a true testament to her feeling like she can't live that and how lonely that can feel and frustrating that can feel. And being with a partner that I know is always motivated like that and knowing that that's where he goes. And also when he's feeling like he isn't that or the world doesn't want that from him, he withdraws. And your daughter does too. Where you and I just, we push towards things. Those two pull back and same thing with D. Yeah, there are five. Like that's a withdrawn type as well. And we low key, whether we're aware of it or not. As eights sometimes judge that as weakness.

Oh, a hundred percent. I'm very aware of it. Yeah.

And the people that we love can pick up on our judgment whether we're saying it energetically. It doesn't have a poker face. And so understanding that the way that they're all motivated. First of all, you and I have a fucking lot to learn from these people.

I know, I know ours isn't better.

Just because it's more powerful. We love it. It's our go to. But like the more that I lean into learning their language and understanding that I have something to very valuable to learn here, it really creates this intimacy and vulnerability exchange that creates connection not just as a parent and a partner, but as my people.

But you have to slow down enough in order to first of all recognize that they speak a different language. You have to give a fuck enough to learn it and then practice using it before shit hits the fan because you're going to really need it when shit's hitting the fan. And if you're just learning it during crisis, you're going to be like speaking Spanish and then pop into English and nobody makes sense.

Anything totally makes sense. I think. Yeah. It's just being able. You hit the nail on the head to slow down enough. And like I shared with you often my daughter just like wants to sit on me as like her way of being like. That's what she said to you? Yeah. Just don't do. You know, I just want. I feel like I have to sit on you so that you don't move. And it sometimes feels like I'm being like in a straight jacket, you know what I mean? And it's like ah. But I just wanna. Oh. And.

It'S like that's what they need right now is just being able to have that connectivity. And Yeah, I mean I think that having some tools to help do that. I know originally you had shared with me too, in my reading that I've got 2, 9, 5 as sort of my.

Connected to you.

Yeah. And those are more soft energies in a sense of powerful, but yet soft. Right. Like, more in the feminine energy, I would say, than masculine. And it's like, how can we, when our default is so, like, strong and always wanting to move? Like, what are great ways to, like, practice and to build those other muscles so that we can, you know, speak these other languages and feel more connected to the people we love?

Yeah. So what you're referring to with the 259, the nine is one of your wings. You have the seven wing, but you have no problem going to that one.

Like, yeah, default.

Yeah. You like that one a lot more than you like the nine wing. And then the two and the five are the lines connected to you. So when you're, like, integrating versus disintegrating, those two come into play. And yes, they are probably more feminine energy when used, like, effectively.

Just like anything. I know you have a fitness background.

Yep.

Like, and I said this before, like, I'm kind of built like JLo, but I don't have her ass unless I actually get in the gym and do her workouts and.

Yep.

And put in the time in nutrition. It's like, we can understand what that looks like. We can understand what the 2, the 5 and the 9 look like. But if we're not putting the reps in, we're not building that muscle. So that's first and foremost, consistency and an unconditional commitment to practicing. So how do you practice? Which was your question. So slowing down is number one, which is not with that tri type. It will be everything that you have in you.

That it will require you to pause. Yeah, it's going to be challenging, but it's possible because think about it. When you can pause and be effective, when you actually do hit the gas with that tri type, unfucking stoppable and effective. And effective with the people. So you want to be both. Not just fast and powerful, you also want to be effective. Like, we don't want to be right. No, we want to do the right thing. And the next brave thing is to slow down enough to assess what's happening right now. And it's just like doing any kind of project or anything. Like, having the right tool for the job makes it go smoother, more effective, more fun, more fulfilling, cost less.

Less time consuming, you know, so when you're barreling through like you're gonna have to slow down eventually because shit's gonna like, your daughter's gonna be like, I'm calling uncle. Like, seriously gonna have a tantrum that you're gonna have to slow down whether you want to or not. It's going to be very humbling. It's going to be very costly, time consuming, all the things. So, like, knowing that it's like either you're going to pay now or you're going to pay later.

Totally.

I'd rather pay now when I am at my best and when I'm so intentional. So pausing and assessing what's really going on here. Is my 8 the right tool for the job? Usually not. Yeah. Especially as a parent and especially as a partner.

Yeah.

Usually not. It's our default. And it doesn't mean it's bad because it's who we are. We're fucking awesome. Eights are great. Like, yeah, usually our 8 is not the right tool for the job. Especially in the scope of nurturing and compassion and love and empathy, protection, boldness. Make shit happen.

Yeah.

But the 8 is very rarely the right tool for our job. So the cool thing is we have the two wings. You have the seven and the nine as your wings. You already know the seven. That's fun. That's play. That's like visionary innovation. We don't need to talk about that.

Right.

You already kind of forward think, but then you get really. You move too fast. Yep. Our number is the enneagram 2.

That's where compassion and empathy and vulnerability live. And that's the hardest thing for us to go to. So we need the nine wing before we can really venture into the two space. You need the nine. So the seven, four, and eight is like visionary. Like I said, you're already kind of like, what's the best that could happen? Oh, like we can know. Like, I just need to be vulnerable. I just need to do all the things that's very seven visionary.

Yeah.

But actually executing it, not so much. The 9 is the Holy Grail for an 8. With our filter on our mouth.

The 9 can be the translator of the language that we need to speak. It's the Yoda. It is the divine. It is our. Our beautiful. Like every time I open my mouth when my eight wants to chomp at the bit and just pop off. Even. Even good.

The nine is like, slow your roll a little bit for a second. Let's make sure we're clear what they actually need. So it's not about you and your big ass flex over here. And let's be clear what they actually need so we can articulate it and verbalize it in a way that they can actually receive your beauty, your power, your nurturing, your protection and your guidance. So that nine, you know, the nine sits at the top of the enneagram and has the ability to see and understand the perspective of all the other eight types. So if we're just operating in our eight, we're just looking at it from our perspective. That nine, like, okay, what's their perspective? I do have an opinion and I do have a way that I go about it. But let's like, make them feel inclusive, non judged, a safe place. We can have understanding of their perspective and say, like, okay, here we go. So like with your daughter and D.

My nine wing and my son's like them, Right? And my partners like them.

Yeah.

If I just pop off on my eight, I'm crushing their spirit. I'm making them feel judged. That nine wing allows me to understand that I can be truthful with them.

But timing, tone, and quality time is so imperative for them.

Slowing down, speaking slower, speaking softer. I can be intense and I can speak direct and truth. But if it's aggressive and fast moving and.

I'm putting timelines on how long we're going to be here, they don't feel respected or seen or understood or heard. That nine wing allows you to kind of discern who's in front of you right now. Now, with like, my daughter, I can be intense as fuck and move really fast, but I have to be a wordsmith. One wrong word, I'm gonna lose her. But I can be intense and fly off the handle and be aggressive and all the things the nine wing helps slow me down enough to assess what's in front of me and what tools and what languages and what words and what tone and what timing do I need to have right now to be the most effective support for the person that I'm loving or leading right now. Nine is an eight's best friend when used properly. Okay, now when we use our wings, going to that two zone of compassion and empathy and vulnerability and connection becomes a lot easier. An 8 can't get to that 2 zone without both wings.

Got it. Okay, that makes sense.

Now the five for you, like, that's where we typically go when we feel extra vulnerable. It's not always a good part of where we go. It's where we cave ourselves and isolate. Yep. Now we can use that five for good. But you and I both know there's a big difference between Isolation and solitude. They can visually, behaviorally look the same, but energetically, they are polar opposites. And so recognizing when us as eights go into the five cave, like, acknowledge it with compassion. Of course I'm scared. Of course I'm feeling vulnerable. Of course I feel weak. You and I both know over the last year together, you've gone there a lot.

Yeah.

But we don't stay there, and it's okay because it's where we find safety for a moment. And then you can use that 5. It's like, let's gather intel that pushes us into solitude so we can come out of this with compassion, with empathy, with vulnerability. It's kind of like the cave of solitude. But we have to understand when we first get there, it's usually because. Or feeling weak and vulnerable.

Oh, yeah. It's like, I couldn't possibly let somebody see this part of me. And it's interesting because.

Anytime that I have chosen and me and you have talked about this before, it's the chosen few that get to see that those. Those parts.

It has never been in the past. Right. If you go to the wrong source, it has been shunned or shamed or judged. And that's like, no, Yeah. I don't want to do that again. But when we. I think that's one of the most beautiful things about going through this process with you and just understanding ourselves is being able to know when we can.

Do that. And I think, you know, sometimes we're going to get it wrong, of course. But it feels so good when it's met with love and understanding and compassion. And the part is about when we.

Get it wrong, though, is there's always something beautiful to learn from that.

Yes.

Doesn't always feels good, or we like it or it's fun or inexpensive or any of the things. But, I mean, if we look at anything in our life, you've got enough life experience and so do I, that usually our biggest growth comes on the heels of a mistake or something that happened that we didn't quite expect to go a certain.

Yeah.

So even when we do get it wrong, it's worth the risk. The payoff totally doesn't feel good, though.

No. And I think one of the biggest things, too, is, like, while you were talking, I always think about sometimes when I'm frustrated, whether it's with my daughter, my partner, you know, and I'm like, but I've done this for you, and I. I pick you up here, and I drive you there, and I do these things, and I make sure, the house is clean. And it's. It's not that they're unappreciative, but that's not what they're asking for. And so it's being able to. I love that concept of really tapping into our nine and understanding. Like, I love. I can, like, see it. I'm such a visual person. And so it's like, I see this, like, nine wisdom. Being able to see over all the numbers and be like, what do I. What does this person need right now? And how can I.

Meet them where they're at and. And give that. And that's a really beautiful thing. So I'm going to put that into practice more.

Honestly. The 9 saves my ass every day because the 8 in me wants to just pop off because that's my default. Like, Right. I want to swoop in and not pop off in a bad way. But, like, I mean, my tri type is the rescuer. So, like, I can see very clearly, even with using the nine as the peacemaker. Not always in a healthy way. Right. Like that. Peaceful. Create harmony all over the place. But then we rob people of their process, too, so, you know, we can use these wings in a little dysfunctional way as well. And so totally, we want to use it like Yoda and, like, what's in it for them?

Yep.

What's in it for them? And sometimes swooping in too fast, too aggressively robs them of their own confidence, their experience and their journey.

Yeah. But I love this song properly. Is so wise.

And you'll find. And this is also where energetically, you won't bankrupt yourself. That nine slows our role so much, where the nine will sometimes, like, be like, this isn't for you to do. This isn't for you to say. Just hold space and sit here and listen. And I think especially as we age, you know, hormonally, we can't take those energetic hits like we used to. And being so aggressive all the time. What worked for us in our 20s won't work for. For us in the 40s and 50s.

Yeah.

So, like, that nine also can really energetically allow you to be a little more regulated rather than burning out, spinning out, and then hormonally tanking as well.

Yeah. Oh, that makes so much sense. And I have a feeling that my last question for you is going to end up circling right back around. Isn't it funny how they're always all so connected, yet when. When you're thinking about them, they feel so different. But part of something that I've been experiencing lately this is more like business focused, but it's like impatience. It's like, I'm so ready for this growth. I am so ready. I've been putting in, like, you used reps earlier. I've been put in the reps. I'm consistent. I've hired the mentors. I have put myself in the rooms. I, you know, check, check, check, check. It kind of even goes back to, like, a default is to, like, want to check off. I've done the vulnerability. Right. And it's like, it doesn't. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't work that way. I know.

But on paper, it like, feels like, wow, why the am I not further along? I want to. To experience this next level. So how can we use specifically me having this, you know, knowing what my enneagram is and all that's available to find patience with the process. And that's really where I feel like, ah, I'm ready. But also, I know it's not happening for a reason, so help me out here. Here's the thing.

It might be happening for you in a way that you actually need to grow your business so it's sustainable, but it doesn't look fast and aggressive and powerful like you. And I like to measure things.

Okay.

And same like, I feel like a slug. I feel like I'm not doing. And I have to be careful because I can go into judgment, like, you're some weak ass. Like, you should be doing this. You should be doing this. No, no. Sometimes the biggest flex and the biggest thing you can do is slow down that nine wing again. What actually is the most important thing for. For you right now? Patience. And nurturing yourself and especially the work you do. Babe, I know you're not doing this for yourself. There's no way people are going to hand over their money for you the way that I know they will.

Yep.

And so this is like, you know, the divine is laughing at you, and the angels and the universe and God are all laughing like, that's cute. Hold my beer. This is not a box. We fucking check and same. Yep. Because we can understand. See, this is the problem is you and I, from the neck up, completely understand all this. But from the neck down, that little girl in us is so terrified of the vulnerability, not just emotionally, but financially. And both of us have money stories.

Yep.

Big time.

Yep. Still in mine right now.

Same, same, same that from the neck up, we understand this. So we kind of appear like we're doing all the things vulnerably.

And we're Not. Yeah, I know you are, though. And I am too. We're doing the things that. Not just say, hey, I need help, but like exposing it to the safe. Safe sources that can actually help us with that. It's scary. I'm in the midst of it as well.

Yeah.

And the more that we're in integrity, this is something you and I talked about. It doesn't mean when we're out of integrity, we're. We're horrible, shitty people, because we're not. But especially for the caliber of work I know you're here to do and the people you're going to help, you have to be in integrity in all these areas for you to be able to guide people on these journeys that you are here to. Yeah, and same like, I can guide people through the journey now because I am in integrity in these areas. It doesn't mean that there are times I want to say it. No.

Yeah.

Every time I don't want to do it. The crickets come, the fear comes. The. The. Oh, my gosh, this should be happening faster. I know I'm way better than this. And so what do we do? We usually typically get aggressive when actually what we need is to slow down.

Mm.

But it's really uncomfortable in the quiet for an eight, specifically. Especially your tri type.

Yeah, I want it to be happening. I wanna. I wanna, like, feel it, you know, have the celebrations and. And be working with the people and be on the stages and doing all the things. And. Yeah, it's like it. When it feels quiet, I'm like. You start to question.

Well, you judge it as weakness and so have I. So, like, because the measuring stick that the eights typically use, or am I weak? And if I'm not doing this, then it's weak, and if I'm not doing this, then it's weak. The thing that I'm figuring out is sometimes the real strength is in the quiet.

Because when we actually do say, let's go for the right reasons, not because it's a box to check or not because it's like the flex, but because it's like I've nurtured and protected this sacred space and sacred authenticity and the divine path, for me, because I've been in this for 18 months, which I have been to, and we've talked about this over the top together, is when we actually do say, let's fucking go, it's coming from all the genuine, pure, authentic, soulful reasons that both of us, we're going to. A year from now, we're going to like, giggle about this. We will.

I'm glad we've got this as. As proof here in our conversation.

I can't wait for a year from now when we can both giggle a little bit at this conversation. Because to whom much is given, much is required. And for us as eight women, especially a woman with that tri type that you have, it is required for you to slow down in the vulnerability. And this is where the patience and compassion, not just patience, but compassion for the quiet.

Yeah.

Understanding that that's probably. This is probably the most sacred, important time in your business. And instead of judging it to nurture it.

Yeah. I don't know where that story came from, that quietness is a bad thing, but it's something that it's, you know.

It'S an eight thing, honestly.

Yeah.

Because wild. We think power is strong, aggressive, forceful, fast, explosive, see visual. And actually.

The real stealthy move for an enneagram 8 is to get quiet. For all the good reasons it is. Honestly, I'm obsessed with it and equally uncomfortable with it right now. So. Yeah, I'm with you, babe.

You know, I think that the interesting part will be also, like.

Getting quiet and not having to tell anyone about it, you know, because that's the. That's. The other part is like, I'm doing this, like, soul journey where I am, you know, doing all this stuff. And it's like, I see people doing that. I'm like, no, it doesn't feel real to me.

You know, and manipulative marketing. Hello.

It totally. And it bothers the. Out of me because I was. Maybe I was like, now I'm understanding why it bothers me. It bothers me not because I don't believe in it. It's more of, like, I don't actually believe you're doing it.

No. They're using it to sell something down the road, whether they're aware of it or not. Sometimes it's subconscious. Sometimes it feels so loud in their quiet that they need people to know it so it doesn't feel so quiet and scary and lonely. But, yes, I agree with you. The fact that I've been doing this and now we're kind of like saying. And I've shared miniscule moments of it, but, like, it has been so insanely quiet and lonely and scary and no one, really. And. Yeah, because, like, it's for all the right reasons. It's not to, like, I will take people on that journey, obviously. Like. Yeah, but it doesn't need to have this grand declaration.

Yeah, well, same, you know, it's like, you know, about this past year and a half, for me, that's been, wow, soul. Like, rip open everything, expose all of it. It's just like.

But I haven't really told anyone about that. And I am not really in a place where I want to. You know, it's. It may be one day. Right. But I don't know. It's this part of me that I'm like, wow, I know if I used that, I could absolutely have some killer ass marketing.

There was something I saw. I don't even know who it was, but I saw this post basically shaming people who weren't talking about the journey while they were in it.

Online. And yeah, they specifically didn't hire this person or they stopped following them because, like, now they're on the other side of it and talking about it. It's like, I actually respect the. Out of somebody that went through it. Obviously had to be vulnerable with sacred people.

Sure.

Coaches, therapists, partners, friends, whatever. For them to in integrity say, now I can guide you because I've been here. Like, there's nothing wrong with holding your vulnerability and what you're going through in a sacred place. Because we want to guide and teach and lead not from the scabs, but from the scars.

Right? Yes.

And so.

Yes. Yes. I love.

Like, I get a little leery when people are in the thick of it. Kind of. Yeah. Because I know they're so uncomfortable being in it that they need an army around them. And the wrong army. That's not discerning.

Yeah.

You've had an army around you the last year and a half, and so have I. And it hasn't been public. But that doesn't make us less in. It actually makes us more in integrity security because we're doing this in work.

Ah.

And there we go.

And there we go.

And there's the eight fire from. Oh, my God.

My love.

Where can people find you and lean into you because you are true, authentic leaders that I put my name behind you guys. Like, you know, I don't do that. You know.

Thank you.

I. I don't.

I know you don't.

And I trust Caitlyn fully. So where can they find you? Learn about you and what you're doing and where you can take.

Yeah. So you can find me easiest on Instagram at the Beam Life. I'm sure I'll be tagged here, but BEAM stands for Be Everything and More. And that's truly what I help my community and women do who come to my world where we can do all, all the things and more, but without the burnout and the exhaustion and the people pleasing and all of the things and lots of which I deal with on the regular. You know, I always say I'm not, as we've heard from this conversation, the person that's going to tell you that I figured it all out and here's some magic pill, but at least we can do it together and have some guidance and know that you're deserving of living the most incredible, purpose driven life.

Honestly, we don't have it all figured out till we have the grand view from the sky.

Yep.

You know, my, my angels and stuff or one of my mentors was, you know, she speaks to the powers beyond and she was like, your dad is laughing. And she's like, he's smoking a cigar and smiling. I'm like, are you sure it's my dad? Because he always had a bow on his face. And then she's like, oh, he just laughed because he understands why you would say that. He's figured, he's telling me that he's evolved, he's been here and he's learned a lot that he couldn't learn on Earth. And so that's a true testament to like, the work is never done until we're dead and done here earthly. So just sign up and, and follow Caitlyn and lean into her communities and what she's doing because she is somebody who actually is walking the talk, doing the work with you and with herself every day. So. I love you, girl. I'm so proud of you.

I love you so much. I'm so grateful. I, I got, y' all got to miss the tears beforehand, but I got to share with Tracy how much she's impacted my life. And, you know, she's someone I think about every single day as like my little anchor when I'm like, what would Tracy do right now? Because like we said, we're, we're eights and we think similarly, but you've got the wisdom, the experience, and it's nice to be able to have a light down the road, to be able to be like, okay, this is what it could look like when I figure out some more pieces. So thank you for being you and being just one of the most incredible people in my life. I'm so grateful.

I appreciate that so much. If you need a guiding light in your life, the Enneagram is a great tool to kind of start to light the path. But like Caitlin said, if you want to dive deeper, we can do a 90 minute one on one session where we we light the up. So do it. I love you so much.

Love you too.

I know you helped so many people with very transparent and vulnerable conversation today. I love you girl.

Love you too.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram at tracyomalley. You can also find additional reaction resources on my website@tracyomally.com I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.