EP414: THRIVING as opposites in marriage and beyond with Kate and Aaron Howard (SP Enneagram 1 & SP Enneagram 7)

Okay, I know you may have heard about the Enneagram or someone told you.

You need to know all about it.

So here you are.

But what the hell do you do with it? Great news. You are in the right place.

Lead with the Enneagram is the show where you will actually learn how to use this incredible growth tool and apply it in all areas of your life, personally and professional. Hi, I'm Tracy. And to be honest with you, I.

Was a skeptic of the Enneagram before.

I started to actually integrate it into my life. In fact, in true enneagram 8 style, I told my therapist to F off when she wanted me to dive into.

It well over a decade ago.

Now that I have more than a decade of experience using the Enneagram and working on myself in my family with those closest to me, building my own bulletproof leadership sales teams with one on one clients, couples, leading workshops for top Fortune 100 executives, and speaking to large audiences all across the globe about this powerful tool. I've got the proof and deep understanding of how to help you implement this into your life instead of it just being some fun thing you heard about. The Enneagram can be a complex model. But with me as your guide, I will show you how to first lead yourself in a powerful, effective and compassionate way and then help you lead others that way in your life as well. This podcast will have powerful conversations with guests, live typing sessions, and as well as solo episodes of breaking down dynamics of the Enneagram and how they impact your life, career and relationships. So now let's dive in.

Hey. Hey. Welcome back to another episode of Lead with the Enneagram. And we have a very special hotline episode where beautiful people that I love get to come on the podcast. We got dancing going on already. Key. We got an enneagram 7 in the house. We actually have a couple in the house. An Enneagram one and an Enneagram seven couple. Talk about like the epitome of opposites attract and legit. Let me tell you, one of my all time favorite couples I've worked with both of them. Seriously, I'm obsessed with them. We've been talking for like 45 minutes already offline, just getting down and dirty and all of things. And I think that the opposites attract when you're first dating is really cool and it's like, ooh, it's so fun and adventurous. But when you put a ring on it and sign the paperwork and go the distance, that can get old. If you don't know how to manage the opposites thing, because the good thing about it is so polarizing. It's why you bring both unique gifts to the table, but it's also where you want to throat punch each other on the daily because the way that you approach and perceive life is completely different. And so I have brought on Kate and Erin Howard, like I said, one of my all time favorite couples and individuals. I love them individually as well. You guys get to get a little sneak peek into what it looks like to have an enneagram couple session. But more importantly, when you are married to somebody who is radically different from you, how do you navigate that without killing each other and blowing up your life? So. So, guys, I'm so excited you're here.

Hey, thanks for having us. And I want to say that we love you just as much as you love us.

Like, seriously, you've changed our life and.

You know that big time.

You changed your life. You changed your life. I just kind of.

You got us there, though. You. You were the tool.

All right, so let's go there for a second. Like, I. I didn't think there was anything going wrong with you two. So what did I do that you perceive that I helped change? Because you guys are pretty solid. I made you move to Florida. That's about it.

You're like, what are you doing?

I got you out of freaking Iowa.

I'll take credit for that one.

That's it.

So I met you back in what I think was October of 21.

Yeah.

In person. And I was just like, naturally gravitated towards you. I'm like this woman I think can crack me. And I. I was just so, like, I want to talk to her more. Like, of course offline, because it was a group setting. I was like, I want to talk more. So I immediately did the enneagram and found out I was a one. And then as my type is all the details. So I was like, I have to have Aaron get his enneagram read, like, immediately.

Yeah. Because as soon as she got her read, she's like, oh, man, I bet you are. I think I know what you are. And we thought I was a. An 8 at first. You know, which.

That's there for sure. Yeah. Your tri type, you know, you got the seven. He's a seven, but the seven, three, eight. TRI type. So, like assertive, aggressive at everything and full of life.

Yeah, that explains me to a T.

Yeah.

All right. So he does his session with me. He's a seven. No doubt about it.

So.

So what did you do with that information? Because the information doesn't mean unless you know what to do with it. So what'd you guys do with it Was so life changing.

So then I was like, I want more, Tracy. And you coached me for six months. And in that, like, I just loved what you said about the Enneagram. I've always loved personality type tests like the disc and we know our spirit animals and all that. I'm just really into that. But you. The Enneagram description was so spot on for us. And like you said, when I took the online test, I thought it was a six, which, you know, I just thought those were, you know, truthful. And then when you said I'm a one, I'm like, oh my gosh, that's makes way more sense.

I mean, I can see the six for sure. It's in your tri type. You're the one three six. Like, I can see that. But like, motivationally, that's not what it's about for you.

But I thought like, the. The coolest thing for me like, was so. And I always tell people this when I'm telling them that you got to call Tracy. Is that when we first met your. Or did our Enneagram thing, I'm, you know, you fill out the questionnaire and it's like, you know, do you agree most or, you know, agree a little bit on this? And so the first question you got on and you're like, so how was your relationship with your parents growing up? And I was like, whoa.

Like, I didn't want that right away. And so I'll just forget that. That like everything I thought you were going to question me about, like, didn't really, like, we got in deep right away and how, you know, how I became to be who I am. And so I just thought that was so interesting and wanted more for an Enneagram one.

What was that?

I said, so how did it change your life?

Oh, yeah, well, yeah, she asked you a question and you really haven't answered it.

See, now I'm keeping her on.

So I started her with the. With the good at it, the coaching program, and just really learned so much about myself. You know, I told you I'm. I wanted to move to Florida at some point when I retire. And you're like, what are you waiting for? And I didn't have an answer for that. And so that kind of like made me be like, well, I don't know, because that's like, what my plan was. And it's like, well, why not go off your plan? And. And of Course Aaron's like, let's do it tomorrow.

Let's go. Yeah, like, that's the thing. Like Enneagram ones, they stick to the plan, which is great, but they can be so rigid in the plan that they miss the miracles sometimes that are right in front of them and that are possible. That's why having an enneagram7husband is great for you, because he's like, well, why the hell not?

All the time, just on board for anything.

Let's go.

So getting you, like, for an Enneagram one to ever deviate from what's good, what's right, what's planned is no easy task. So. And I used to judge people like you. I think I've said this to you, like, so harshly and honestly. Like, Enneagram ones I typically have a harder time with because they. It's no. Like, it's so black and white for you guys. But, like, the timing of you coming into my life, you're such a beautiful exam. You're my favorite enneagram 1. Like, seriously, like, I. Because you're so open now and you. Yeah, you're high standards, high integrity. You do what you say you're gonna do. It's what I fucking love about ones. And you're like, but let's deviate. Let's deviate. How did you make that transition? I know, obviously I helped you with that, but how do you do that now daily? Because we, you know, we've been knowing each other almost three years now, so how do you do that on the daily. When shit goes sideways or not according to plan? I mean, you're now in Florida with, you know, both of you have commission based networking businesses, and you went from middle America, Iowa, to the beaches of Florida with no network and no friends. And both have businesses that require networks. And starting from scratch is not something an Enneagram one typically would love to do. Correct?

That's very true.

Very scary. But I think having him as my partner. Yeah, obviously. Like, I don't think I would have done it otherwise, to be honest. And knowing that, trusting in what you said, you know, like.

Well, yeah. And the thing is, I trust Kate. You know what I mean? And her decision to move. But I think, you know, I. I'm confident as well. You know, I think we will succeed in any location that we may desire to go to. That's not it. It's who we are that I think attracts people to us. And as long as we keep being who we are and knowing who we are and understanding who we are, talking to people like you, Tracy, I mean, it makes all the world of difference. I mean, that's. That's what's been life changing for us, is you coming into our lives and helping us understand who we are, what are our strengths, what are our weaknesses? And then open our eyes to, okay, well, let's work on some of these weaknesses so we can get stronger together, you know, both of us and you know everything that we're trying to do. And it's just. It's just been life changing. I mean, shit's blowing up here in Sarasota. You know, we only been here a year and a half and it's. It's been really good.

I am so obsessed.

Where did you guys feel like you were missing the mark? With each other. That understanding and like actually integrating some of this information has helped you guys become even stronger because you were strong when I met you. And I can also feel this shift with you too. Like, you were solid before, but like, it's only enhanced since I've known you. What was kind of where you missed the mark with each other before, if there was one?

I mean, I. I don't know if I can define it exactly, but I can give you some examples.

Yeah.

Examples person.

Here comes her notepad. She's got a list.

No, but like, I remember, like, he would always like, honey is his thing. This is kind of a weird example, but he had honey. And I'm like, you know, I'm very like, I'm like frugal. And I'm like, let's just only get what we need. And he wanted like 17 types of honey at our house. And I even have took a video of him. This was before I knew you. He had like seven honeys and they were all opened. He wanted to try all of them.

Yeah.

And he goes to the grocery store and wants to try all the things. And you're like. And when I talk to you, you're like that. That's. That's his thing. You just gotta let that one go. And I'm like, oh, okay. That's not changing anything. We go to the restaurant. He cannot. I mean, too many options. He cannot decide what to eat. I go in already knowing what I want.

Yeah.

Because if there's too many things on a menu that I like, I want them all. I want to try them all. I just want.

I know I'm raising one of you and it's very expensive to go out to eat with her. And I've just accepted it. It's what it is. So.

They Bring adventure, too, to it, because it's stuff I would never have thought to do. So. Yep.

Yep, that's definitely him in a nutshell.

Like, so did you try to put him in a box before? Of like.

Oh, yeah.

Trying to, like, box them in.

Which one should I get? You know, and he wants me to make the decision for him sometimes because he trusts my decision. Sometimes I feel like that's the one thing he gets analysis paralysis about, really.

When I have too many options. Yeah. But then I know. I love. I have Kate because she's very. I mean, she's a one. She's solid in her decision. She knows what she wants. She knows the details very thoroughly. And she knows. So I'm just like, well, what do you think I should get, Casey? That you should get this. And, you know, you shouldn't get that because this and this and this and this. I'm like, damn, you're so fucking good. Like, you're right. I wouldn't like that. Because of that. Yes, I'm going to get this. And I end up enjoying my meal.

So instead of feeling micromanaged, you feel supported?

Absolutely. 100%.

How great is that? And she gets her way because you're not ordering 10 things off the menu.

Yeah, it's fantastic. It really. It really helps our relationship.

Okay, what's another example of ways that, like, you've noticed a shift in the way that maybe you approach. Because you probably approach it way differently than him as far as, like, being annoyed by things.

So one thing you told me about myself was that when an enneagram, one knows they're right. They go like, I don't argue unless I know for sure I'm right. That's just like, I don't want, like, I don't want to be wrong thing. And so, like, I'm very stubborn when I know I'm right. Would you say? Yeah, but I don't fight hard on anything that I don't know I'm right about. So that kind of can come into play, especially if, like, his version of what happened is different than what I remember the version of what happened is. So that's an interesting play.

That is probably the hardest thing for an enneagram, one to understand that you are. You can still be right. And they have a different perspective. It doesn't necessarily make you wrong, but their perspective also isn't wrong. I had to learn that one too. Even though I'm an 8 for the longest time, I would fight. I just like to fight. You like to be right. So it was like the same thing. Both can be true. And the way that we express our righteousness really can go a long way to having them open up their mind to our righteousness sometimes. Right.

Agree. How cool is that?

All right, Erin, what do you say is something that you notice change, maybe about how you approach things? Since we've done our work together, I.

Try to always listen to Kate because she's like my six in a way. She brings me back because you know how I am. Like, I get passion very quick.

Yeah.

Very fast. And it's not here. It's. You know what I mean? Like, it's all the way. And so Kate's just like my sounding board. Like, Aaron, let's not do that. Let's just wait a couple minutes, you know, go smoke a bowl.

Yeah.

You know, calm down or something. And then, like, then think about if that's really what you want to do. I'm just like, man, you have saved me so many times. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You get really bad.

And the reason that works, you know, because my daughter is a lot like you, Erin, and, like, I've earned that respect from her. And I'm her sounding board, too, because I also don't try to box her in. Right. Like, Kate isn't micromanaging you. She just truly cares, and she has different kind of wisdom, and she knows you don't think things through till the end, and she does. You know, but she's learned. Yeah. And she's learned how to communicate it in a way that doesn't feel like she's pissing on your party all the time.

Right. She's just bringing me back to earth.

Because I'm sure that if you looked at your past, there's a bunch of shit that you said, hell yes to that. You got in. You're like, oh, damn it. Like, this is a hard pass for me now. Right.

Yeah, I love it.

So you guys have separate businesses. You have an amazing videography business, and you work with companies and people and. And all sorts of people doing website creation, video content, social media stuff. And, Kate, you're a realtor, setting up a whole brand new book of business. Both of you started up a brand new book of business in Florida a year and a half ago. And you're. Would you say you're doing better here now than you were in Iowa after a long period of time being there? Is it close to that?

I would say we're getting there.

I would. I would say for me, for sure. I mean, my best year in Iowa I'd say.

I think. I think this is probably gonna be a better year than my best year in Iowa. You know, I mean, yeah, I think.

There'S been a lot more opportunity for the video side of the business to explode down.

For sure.

In Iowa, there's not as many people that want video think they need video. So I just feel like the opportunities are plentiful down here for video needs. And of course, it becoming more and more important in people's businesses online.

What about for you, like, real estate? Like, that was a big, risky move to go from a place that you were well known for doing this to. You're the new kid on the block in, you know, land of the retired community in Sarasota, Florida. So how's that been working out for you and how have you leveraged, you know, what you're really great at to make that possible?

Yeah. So I. I feel like I had to have a lot of patience because I, as you, I'm always in go mode. And the way things. The transaction, you know, quantity that was going on in Iowa, I came down here and it almost like halted, but my body still wanted to be like. And I think you. And I had an extra session where I was like, you know, I feel like I need to be my. I need to be turning constantly like I was in Iowa, but I'm not here. And I think you were just like, have patience and kind of talk me off the ledge of being like, you know, it'll come and just trust that. And your confidence in me builds.

You.

Know what I mean?

So, you know, I don't blow smoke.

So.

It'S hard to give it all up and restart.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to give myself that on my own pep talk because I. I feel that I know how hard that is sometimes. And especially when you like, your credibility and your reputation, especially as an enneagram one is very important to you. And. And nothing wrong with that. And I think you taking that leap of faith and understanding that, yeah, it's going to look different. And grinding it out isn't necessarily working smarter. Right. You're thriving. Quality of life is a million times better the last year and a half for you to energetically, spiritually, physically, like, you both are thriving and the fact that business is like, pretty close to being there, it's the best. And you live on, like, near the beach.

Yeah.

How great is that?

Yeah, it's. We're very grateful.

Yeah, it's so awesome. So what do you love about Florida?

The sunshine.

Right.

Every day, pretty Much something we had. No, until you live here, you don't really real. Like you come here for vacation and you're, you know, everybody's happy and blah, blah, blah, but you're on vacation. Then you come down here and you live here and the sun really does shine every single day. And the sun is so different here than it is in Iowa. Like, it's brighter here.

The skies are blue and like turquoise. I mean, it's a different type of brightness. You know what I mean?

I do get it. I do get it. All right. I know you guys had a few questions. Since this is a little hotline episode, fire away with one of them because I know this is going to help those that are listening whether they're an enneagram 7 or 1 or not. Like, this definitely will. Will apply to everyone because I'm sure they love or lead one, even if they're not one. So fire away.

I had one for you.

Yeah, well, yeah, this. Go ahead.

Yeah. So for Aaron's, I was wanting to say like, you know, the Enneagram sediment hates negativity and like you were saying like the tri. All three of those react to each other. So he cannot like even being down here. And I think it's getting worse with his age, you know, dealing with negative. He cannot deal with negative people. And I guess I'm more immune. Not immune to it, but it doesn't like stick out to me is if, you know, if we meet someone and they're super negative, I don't. That's not the first thing I think. But that's the first thing that, you know, instantly bothers him. He can't be around the negativity.

Yeah, I mean, negativity. People who are, you know, self inflicted victims, you know, like, can't look themselves in the mirror and say, yeah, it's me, it's my fault. I need to. You know, but yeah, and people who are just negative and are not motivated. I don't have much room or space in my, I don't know, my life for that kind of shit, I guess.

And I think I said to you, like, you don't have to necessarily invite that in, have a high tolerance for it or accept that. However, like how you express your disdain for it, especially with people that you love, you lead, you work with, like. Like it's part of the program. You can't avoid it completely. But you do have choices. And you know the thing about the enneagram7 that you have to be careful of. Like, I'm not saying you ever have to be, you know, in a pool of negativity or around that, because that's not possible. But because of the seven loves to avoid pain as well, you have to make sure that you're not prejudging that because it's going to kill your vibe and you don't want to be in that negative energy for yourself, not necessarily for them. And especially when you are married to somebody who's different than you or you care about people. Before we go into the work kind of part, I have a good friend who's a self preservation enneagram 7 like you, and she's got an enneagram 3 husband.

And.

And he was like going through some stuff, right? And his dad had died and he's not a negative person naturally, but he was in a funk. He had just left his career, started something brand new and she so wanted him to snap out of it. Like she has no tolerance for the negativity, but she also really, really loves him. They're a great couple. And I was like, listen, you want him out of his negativity because you're uncomfortable, but he has to actually be in this for a little bit. It doesn't mean he's a victim, but he has to get uncomfortable enough sometimes for him to make a change. And if you try to rush his process, you're going to end up back here and then you're going to be more mad than you are right now. So that's something that you have to kind of always be aware of. Am I not wanting to be around them because they're killing my vibe or is this actually what they need for their journey? You know, because there is such thing as toxic positivity, right, where we just disassociate and avoid. Which Sevens can do if they're not careful. Not saying that's the case with you, but that's your blind spot. So it's always kind of. You're always going to have to check yourself a little bit on that. Now when it comes to dealing with negativity, you absolutely don't have to partake in it. But if it's somebody you love or somebody that you are working with, the way that you express it can't be so aggressive necessarily. Unless you're somebody like me. Unless you're dealing with somebody like me who's very intense and aggressive. But most of the people that you're going to be working with aren't.

So it's like, okay, how do I speak my disdain for this in a way that moves the needle for them and also doesn't kill my vibe. You know, instead of just going into judgment and like, ew, I hate you. I'm out of here. Fuck off. Like, all the things that I know energetically you can bring to the table. It's like, how can I create a win win for here, especially if it's somebody that's paying, right? Like, I can't just like burn all the boats, but also how can I help them move the needle and also grow myself in this process by having a little higher tolerance. Not co signing anybody's bullshit, not co signing anybody's victimhood or, or anything like that. But sometimes hard, negative feelings are required for somebody's journey. Yeah, I'm not a fan. I'm not a fan either. So I get this, you know, I'm raising an empath who is highly sensitive who goes into that negative spin and I fucking hate it. And he's my son and I love him so much. And so I've had to learn how to really slow my role a little bit with my intensity and disdain for negativity. I'm like, just do something different. But that isn't always what will work for somebody else.

I know, it sucks. It sucks. But it's also because I've slowed my role with somebody like that, especially somebody I love as much as him. He's taught me what compassion and empathy looks like, so I got something out of it too. And now he trusts me. He can come to me with the hard things and he doesn't stay there near as long. So that's the cool thing.

It's awesome.

Not easy. Not easy, though. Let me tell you, Aaron, it's hard.

Oh yeah, it is.

But you've got to build the muscle. You're, you're into fitness, you know how to build muscles. You just got to build that one.

Yeah. I have met a couple people who kind of appreciate my forwardness and it's amazing. No, they still, like, want to hang out with me.

I'm like, okay, well, here's the thing. Like, I'm, I'm as direct, I'm as direct as you are. Like, seriously, like, like with your wife, like, I'm surprised she wanted to work with me because I am so direct and it's like, it can be very off putting, but energetically, when it's coming from all the right places and you are considering who's in front of you, people will respect that. It may be jarring sometimes, but at the end of the day, especially the people you want to attract People that are wanting to be the best version of themselves, people that are wanting to grow, they'll respect it. And especially if you take the time to express it in a way that they can receive it with the directness that you absolutely will always have, that's not going anywhere. Just packaging it up in a way that they can receive it is important.

Yes.

Yeah. You don't have to change a damn thing.

Like a Christmas present or something, a birthday present.

Yeah. Like I say all the time, like, you don't have to change a fucking thing about who you are. Which, like, thank God, like, when I was learning about this, you know, 12 years ago, I was like, I got too much life to completely overhaul who I am, so I didn't have to change a thing about who I am, and neither do you. But we are responsible for the come from. Right. Making sure that it's coming from a place of love and compassion and empathy and grace and service and fun and innocence, and not from a place of, you know, the fear, insecurity, judgment, shame, ego. You know, because the minute that we're coming from those places, that thing that makes us us is not. It's a kryptonite aspect, not the superpower. So you just got to package it up from love.

And you can continue to be direct as. So there you go.

All about your deliverance.

So I am all right.

What about you, girl? Do you have a question for the Enneagram one?

I do. So in the enneagram one, we tend to think we do things the right way, and let me just do it because I know it'll be done right, and then I don't have to redo it or whatever. So I guess for me, it in. Especially in us growing our business together. How does one learn more about delegation and I guess patience? I guess we both need patience. Patience with, you know, you know, understanding different things. Yeah, patience is something, you know, in order to grow your business, you have to delegate. So you work on your business, not in your business as much. So I guess that's something that I feel like I struggle with.

Me too. You know, I have a hard time delegating for a different reason than you. Like, you don't delegate because. Right. You want it done right, and nobody will do it as right as you will. And I have a hard time delegating because it's a vulnerability. If I rely on this person and they drop the ball, then, like, I look like a weak. You know, I'd rather just strong arm everything.

So the beautiful part, especially about Your marriage is your growth number in the Enneagram, and your framework is the enneagram7. So you can be meticulous and have high standards and high integrity. And no matter how well prepared, no matter how much you do it yourself, it's never going to be perfect. I know. It's like every Enneagram one just gasped, like. But perfection is a coping mechanism. It's not necessarily righteous. Right? It's not necessarily righteous. And I'd ask yourself, like, before you take it all on, like, if you continue to do this, will you. How fast will you have resentment? Because resentment will rob you of anything joyful. Like, you know, our early days together when we were diving into some of, like your biography, you know, you're biologically wired this way. When we started tapping into your biography, you know, the resentment was real deep. And then all these perfectionistic behaviors were amplified, right? And then we wondered why you were triggered. Hello, there's the backstory, right? So really, before you kind of just assume biology is the way it is, like, kind of go into your biography is like, okay, why am I. Why do I believe that perfectionism is the only way? And where can I kind of find joy in the journey? Hello, enneagram7. Like, where can I have some fun with this even if it isn't done, perfected? What have I learned? You know, you're old enough to have enough evidence in your bank to say, like, when I didn't sweat it so much, what did I learn from these things that maybe didn't go right? And remembering that right when I let my guard down and I don't do everything on my own because I'm miss Strong Girl, where did it really work out well for me when I went and got vulnerable or relied on somebody? Like, there's so many gifts that come with that, but I have to go back to my evidence bank to remember that. And also, like, you want to have more fun in your life, you want to scale your other business that you guys are doing together. It is required. You can't scale shit by yourself. I'm speaking to myself here. Yeah, right. Like, you go back to what your biggest fear is as an Enneagram one, and that is not being right and not being good and not having independence, autonomy, and some kind of control. But when we don't delegate, we're being controlled by the very thing that we're trying to not be controlled by, it's mind. But knowing that, like, that, that's always going to be your blind spot. And where can you kind of go into that seven zone. It's like what? Like even if it's done at 65%, is it still going to get the job done? And if it is, then it's a yes.

Right?

And I'm like that.

And I'm talking to myself here. This is a very valid conversation for me as well.

That's hard.

Yeah, it's very hard. But 65%.

Nobody'S gonna come close. But 65%, I promise you with what your business is, gets the job done and gets a job done really fucking good. Because your 65% is most people's hundred percent.

Okay.

It's a sliding scale here. You know, the Enneagram 1 scale of percentages is way like you guys below the curve because you guys do everything. So excellent. Like so if, if you're delegating and they're doing it 65%, that's like their hundred. But you're like, if you're measuring it on your 65%, that's good.

Okay.

So it should be easier on you.

Yeah. We've had no. Because we've had people, you know, work with us and in the past and it's just like, damn, like what is wrong? You know, like with. Why can't they just do what we do or you know what I mean? It's hard.

Well, they won't. And that's the hard part about being an entrepreneur is nobody's going to care about it. No matter how much they are on board to the vision, they're just not going to care as much as you do. And they shouldn't. They don't have their ass on the line that doesn't keep them up at night. We can't ever expect anybody to care about it like we do. For most people it's like they're excited about it, they catch the vision, but it's also paying some bills. Right. And people have lives. Not saying that like they shouldn't be able to compartmentalize a little bit. But the more that you can openly communicate what your standards are and some non negotiables for you and keep them realistic. And as long as like whoever you delegate to and I have some certain non negotiables like don't tell me you're going to do something if you're not going to do it. Don't blow smoke up my ass. Because if for one time you don't follow through on that, you're dead to me.

Yep, yep, yep.

You can off, but you can be late.

Tell me the truth. Don't Lie, own it, take full. Like those are my non negotiables. I can work with anybody if they're willing to be accountable. So have your non negotiables and speak them into existence from the beginning with people.

And then check yourself. Because my non negotiables aren't very big, so I let way too much slides sometimes too. So I'm having to kind of change my little delegation list a little bit too because I find myself resentful. I'm like, well, that wasn't part of my non negotiables, but now apparently it is and I'm changing the rules of the game. So either I have a very confronting hard conversation or we burn the boats and start over.

Yep.

Which do we want to do? Right. What do you think you have the hardest time delegating as a one.

I think, I mean everything that I should like the administrative stuff.

It's hard and difficult for me in our business because my license is on the line. If something gets messed up administratively or something doesn't get signed properly, it's my license, it's my behind on the line that is in trouble if somebody messes up. You know what I mean? And so I think that again, I'm protecting my. So if someone does something, it's. It's my behind them, you know, like I would get blamed for it, not them. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

I mean, and like you said, my reputation is a lot to me and so is our businesses. We always say like, you know, like we kind of talk because we don't have children. So we're like, our businesses are our babies. Yeah. You know, we care about them more than other people do, which like you said, is normal. And you know, when we're not in working on our business, we're talking about our business. And you know, like that's. Yeah, it's kind of our babies. And so we care about them a lot. We work in them a lot. So. Well, I think my baby to someone else.

And I. I mean, I've had one employee for 10 years and nobody else. So like, you're not telling me anything. That is not a big hot topic for me as well. And I just had this conversation. Like something went out that made me not look so professional and it just irritated me. I'm like, did we not double check this? Like, seriously, like this is not like not good. It took full ownership right away. And it's like, does anybody really check the typo? Probably not. And those that did are probably enneagram ones. And I made A mental note of it. Right. But like, with things like your, like, I've made sure my contracts and stuff, like, okay, I need to. Yeah, she's gonna send them out, but I'm gonna double check it because that is a big deal. Same thing with you. And like the things that put your license at risk. Like, somebody else can do all of it, but your eyes have to see it. And if they make a mistake, they're human. And this is a great teachable moment as well. I guarantee another email won't go out without it being double checked again. Right, but. And it's a way I handled it. Right, the way that you handle mistakes. Yes. And I know it can be heated because like your license is on the line, but this is how you teach people. She, he or she will make mistakes because that's not their zone of genius. And your eyes should always look at it and they're never going to get it 100% right every time.

That's true.

That's so hard though. 65%.

That's just so hard. Oh, man, that's just so hard.

It is hard. But if we want to scale businesses.

You're right. You're fucking right.

Gotta let it go.

You're right. You're right.

Not fun. Not fun. I'm with you guys. Like not not fun, but required to make the impact and the income that like, we want to. So you guys have a business now together. You guys have your separate businesses now, your business together. And I'm obsessed with it. Oh, I love it. I'm obsessed with you guys working together and also your business. So what made you guys develop this third business now within the entity of the Howard household?

So that's a good question. Well, I guess it all happened when we came down here. Like, you know, we started from scratch and we had to rebuild everything. And again, we were mentioning before we came on that we used to host events back in Iowa and I was teaching yoga and we would bring hundreds of people to these events and I would teach yoga to them. But I would also have several vendors set up at the event. And they were businesses, local businesses. And so it was their way to market to the crowd of people who we were bringing in. And most of the people were bringing in were the type of people who they wanted to market to. You know, it was a health and wellness fair is what it became. So we worked with a lot of small businesses back home and we marketed them through that event and we also did some video marketing with them, taught them how to use social Media to better, you know, target their ideal client, to get viewers and engagers to become clients and convert, pretty much. And so we knew that. And so that's when we moved down here. I wasn't really that scared. You know, I was. I was excited because I'm like, I have. So we know social media. I know how to market myself. Plus, I'm gonna go walking around everywhere I can with my camera, and I guarantee you I'm gonna be at an event, someone's gonna walk up to me and say, hey, what do you. Can I. You know, what are you doing? What's your name? Can I have your. Can I have your information? And sure enough, like, the first week, that's what I did when we moved down here. And that's exactly what happened.

I'm obsessed.

So. So anyway.

It'S a long story. I'm trying to make it.

Great story. No, don't. It's great. It's important.

Yeah. So we. We knew social media. We knew we had that in our tool, in our toolbox, and we were good at it. So we started hitting social media really hard. And before we knew it, you know, again, we were building our business very quickly. And, you know, now 95% of our business comes directly from social media, Instagram and Facebook. And so we were discovering down here, people and, you know, entrepreneurs, agents, just business owners. They really are good at their business, but they're not good at marketing their business, and they're not good at using social media. And it's just totally evident. And we've noticed since we've been growing our following, a lot of business owners have been reaching out to us, asking us, you know, how are you guys doing this? I need help creating content. I don't even know what to create. I don't even know how to make a reel. I don't even know what a story is, you know, all this stuff, you know, so we're just like, damn, there's a. There's a huge need in this area for, you know, social video marketing and social media, you know, marketing, content creation. So we thought we could use the model we did back in Iowa for the yoga events, but then just change it to social media marketing. You know, kind of use those same principles and then just do something different in this area where we saw there was a need.

And so obviously, you're a video genius and you're fun. You bring fun. The fun element, which for people like me, who it's not a natural strength, like, the fun factor is good, but it doesn't necessarily convert, but you have figured out both. Kate, what's your role in it? Ms. Meticulous, what's your role in this?

Go on telly, Come on.

Yeah, I know. This is why having an Enneagram one on the team is awesome. Let's hear it.

You know, like organizing from the back, doing all the marketing pieces, making things pretty online. Like, that's my creative gift. He's creative in the, in the video portion, whereas I'm creative in like the marketing pieces.

The aesthetics.

Yeah, the aesthetic stuff. Like, that stuff's important to me, bringing.

The story together, like the messaging, the.

Branding, you know, like, Kayla is really good at that kind of stuff. And on set she helps kind of, you know, strategize. And yeah, she, you're the executive producer. You know, she makes sure that we're on task, that if she thinks of something outside of what we haven't thought about, that she brings. I mean, it's just really good having Kate on set. And she comes with the content ideas as well.

Yeah.

But creative direction, honestly, creative direction is the most underrated necessity in social media and marketing. Creative direction. And like, the cool thing about you too is you have both. You not only have the creative direction and the marketing strategy, but you can actually execute it with video. And even if, like somebody isn't in Florida, you can help them figure this out too, of course.

Yep.

Obsessed. You guys, I love you so much. Where can they all find you? And like, I know somebody needs some creative direction and executive producing in their life to educate them and bring this. And also, if you're buying a house in Florida, you must go to Kate.

Kate has a key.

Kate has a key.

Baby, that's me. Kate has the key on Instagram.

Obsessed. Obsessed. And she loves plants. Obsessed with her Instagram because she's like the plant lady. I got plant earrings on. Of course. I know people are going to be interested in this creative direction thing specifically for you too. Where can they find you? Information, reach out to you. You guys, you know, I don't recommend almost anybody. I put my big ass stamp of approval on these two, like without question. So reach out to them. Where can they find you?

Go ahead, Kate.

I said chaos. The key.

You're a Howard productions on the grammar on the gram.

Do you guys have a website yet or no or just go to the gram.

Get through the Instagram.

Perfect.

Yeah. Set up on my Instagram account where people can visit and see some more information about what we can offer and how we can help them.

You guys are the best. Seriously, I love this conversation. I know, like, not only are you going to help couples and stuff that are listening, but just real good people out there that listen. You guys are a breath of fresh air. And like, when you're open and honest and willing to dive in a little deeper, even, especially with people that are very different from you in the same household, like, that's. That's a gift that you guys get to bring both your gifts to the table. And they work so well together because they are so opposite. So you guys, I love you. If you love this episode, share it on the gram. You can tag me also at Tracee Underscore o'. Malley. If you guys want to dive in deep with me, I do do couples and partner sessions. You don't even have to be marri married, you can be business besties, you can be girlfriends, you can be boyfriends. I don't care. Partnerships are people of two. So whatever that looks like for you. Mom, daughter, daughter, son, siblings, doesn't matter. I can do it. It's powerful when we can see here, understand, value each other. Anything's possible when we link arms together. So go to traceyomalley.com the work with me section for that and we'll see you next time.

Hell yeah. Let's go. I love it.

I'm so happy you enjoyed the lead with the Enneagram podcast. Please help us spread the word about this show and the Enneagram by sharing it with a friend and leaving a written Apple podcast review. If you have any follow up questions to this episode, you can DM me on Instagram traceyomalley. You can also find additional resources on my website@tracyomalley.com comp I'm so excited to lead you into the next level of your life.