EP419: From Armor to Alignment - The Legend's Journey to True Power

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Welcome to the Legends Journey, the podcast where we don't just talk about greatness, we embody it. Here, we dive deep into what it takes to live, lead, and leave a legendary legacy. Because let's be real heroes might get it right once, but legends, they rise, fall, and rise again. They face adversity, get knocked down, and come back stronger every damn time. That is what makes them legends. And that's exactly what we're here to explore. I'm Tracy o', Malley, your guide on this transformational journey. With over a decade of experience using the Enneagram as my secret weapon, I've helped leaders, teams, couples and individuals worldwide unlock their potential and step into their power. And now I'm here to help you do the same. But let me be clear. This isn't your fluffy surface level Enneagram podcast. We're not here for random type talk or watered down self help bullshit.

We're going all in.

Through solo episodes, I'll share advanced Enneagram strategies and transformational insights that will revolutionize how you live, love, lead and grow. And in my signature documentary style segments, we'll break down the lives of iconic figures, past and present, through the powerful lens of the Enneagram to uncover what truly makes them legendary. You'll also hear from living Legends extraordinary guests who embody what it means to lead with purpose, resilience, and authenticity. Together, we'll unpack their journeys, the wins, the losses, and the lessons that shaped them into the powerhouses they are today. This is a space for bold, no bullshit, conversations about personal transformation, impactful leadership, and spiritual growth. You'll learn how to lead yourself first, because let's face it, if you can't lead yourself, you've got no business leading anyone else. And from there, you'll discover how to lead others with clarity, compassion, and courage. So if you're ready to stop playing small, face the challenges head on and step into the legend you were born to be. Welcome. You're in the right place. Let's begin your Legends Journey.

Hey there. Welcome back to another episode of the Legends Journey. And I am fresh off a surgery, a wrist reconstruction surgery. If you follow me on social media, you may have seen it. I may have talked about it on some of the podcasts before. And I'm sharing this with you because we're going to talk about, like, finding harmony between the masculine and feminine. And if you're like me, maybe you have very strong masculine energy. Some of that is your natural wiring. Hello, my Enneagram. Eights, threes, sevens. You know you tend to have more stronger relationship with the masculine energy. But we need both and we need them to be in harmony. And you know, for the last year, year and half I've been in some chronic pain with my wrist and I'm tough, you know, and I thought like I could power through and do what I do. And then it got so bad, my quality of life and it was impacting things I love to do. And so I went and had it checked out. And it was crazy because the doctor walked in after my X ray and he hadn't met me yet and he walks in and he had this look of shock on his face. He was like, holy crap. He, he goes, I was expecting an 80 year old woman to be sitting here based on your X rays. And so I have pretty advanced arthritis in this one wrist, my right wrist, ironically, I'm a lefty, which I found that fascinating that it's in my right wrist. And we're going to talk about what that means energetically. And he's like, you're pretty young for this to be this severe. And you know, we, we tried cortisone shots, we tried, you know, and it didn't even touch it. But anyway, ended up making the decision to do a wrist like replacement slash reconstruction. And it's, it's gnarly. They've advanced things. There's no foreign things in my body. It's why I agreed to do it. And I have a history of foreign things in my body not doing so well. So I was like, oh, I don't know if I can do that. But when he was explaining the surgery, I was like, okay, what they do is they cut some of your carpal bones. There's a bunch of bones in your hand and in your wrist area. And so they cut some of the bones to make the, the gap bigger between, you know, that your arm bones and your wrist bones. And then they take some of your own ligaments cart or your own ligaments and pad the joint. So I'm a few days out of that. I am in a cast. Maybe you're seeing it on video in a clip. And I'm in a lot of pain and I'm doing it pain med free. I'm a sober girl. And so I've decided to not do any of that. I'm, you know, alternating Tylenol and Advil and all of that. But even before going in and in the year and a half leading up to it, you know, I'm, I'm always like seeing what the body is telling Me. And because of the experiences I've had, especially in my body the last eight years and having my implants taken out and almost like, seriously, it was on my deathbed eight years ago, I always know there's an emotional connection to it. Obviously there is a physical issue going on and it wasn't lost on me that it was my right hand. And so we're going to kind of talk about the right side of the body, the left side of the body, masculine, feminine, and what all of that means. So the right side of your body, ironically, is your masculine energy side. Right. It's where action, control, willpower, some of your anger comes into play. And the left side is your feminine energy, intuition, surrender, flow. So even in just saying that, like understanding what that might mean for you, I tend to have, even though I'm a left handed dominant person, whenever I have pain in my body, it's almost always on the right side. And that is because there's such a imbalance in the past of my masculine and feminine energy. I'm a firm believer of this. But this injury really forced me to confront my relationship with this dominant masculine energy. Going into this, I had been researching, like I said, like all the things, this is kind of like my message, especially the hand and you know, my messaging out to the world, my ability to receive what I'm here to do. Every, like the fact that this had been taken from me, that's how it felt or gifted to me, depending on how you look like, look at it. You know, I'm one of those things. You know, I was joking with a friend last week, she was going through some hard times and I'm like, I'm not going to say, well, you're in the middle of this. I know this is happening for you because when you're going through it, it doesn't feel like this is happening for you. And trust me, like, I had a good cry earlier just because I'm like, this sucks. This is not fun. I am not enjoying this process. But I also know like, what it is doing for me. And I was in Mexico a couple weeks ago with some friends and one of my good friends was telling me about the Japanese term. I'm, I think I'm butchering this kitsuji where they take things that are broken and put them back together with like gold or platinum. And although you might look at it as broken or scarred or rearranged, the way that they look at it is like it was put back together even stronger, better, more beautiful. And leading up to the Surgery, I definitely was envisioning. And in my meditation and prayer, I was like, replace this with the gold, and the gold that isn't in the masculine energy. My. My true power is in the feminine energy, and so is yours. This is where, you know, ideation and creation and intu. All live. And it's not lost on me. I am in so much pain because I know that it is being renovated for sure. Not just physically, but energetically. And, you know, as an enneagram 8, you know, our biggest fear is being weak, letting people help me. My. My official nickname is PETA. Pain in the ass. I do not envy anyone that tries to care for me sometimes. I used to pride myself in that, you know, back in my unhealthier, unself aware days, right? I used to pride myself. I don't need anybody. I don't need help. I can do it all myself. And. And even though I've been doing a lot more than I should be, especially the first two days, and finally, my body's, like, waving the white flag, like, you need to stop. And I wear an aura ring, and it was off the charts. Like, what the actual are you doing? You know, what's the point of monitoring some of these things and. And really raising your hand and saying, I want to be the best version of myself if, you know, your free will is going to run rogue on things, you know, the body keeps the score, and the body never lies. My body was saying, stop, and my people, respectfully, were looking at me like, I felt I could feel their warranted disbelief and judgment in my struggle to surrender to receive. And I met myself with compassion, though, like, this is a enneagram8 stuff. That's my natural wiring to power through, but also the conditioning. You know, I was having a conversation last week with one of my spiritual mentors, and we were talking about my upcoming surgery and what this meant for me. And, you know, we're going through my birth chart and all the things that make me me. And the recalibration in the. The renovation that's happening on a soul, spiritual, emotional, physical level is no joke. And although I tend to operate like that, I have to. I have to learn to receive. I was going to go somewhere with this, and I don't remember where I was going to go. But my. My need for independence, autonomy, and control was really something that I have held on to most of my life, but it became armor. And, you know, here's the thing about armor is it doesn't just keep out the hard things. It keeps out the good things too. But we were talking about some of the things in my past also. And this, this realization, this memory came up for me ironically around my right arm back when I was six years old. And just like how much of the conditioning goes way back again, it's natural as an enneagram 8 and Aries and all the things that I naturally, you know, have God given to me. But then the conditioning and the environment I grew up in really forced that in an unhealthy way. And when I was six years old, I fell off like a jungle gym. Do they even call them jungle gyms anymore? I don't know. And I fell and broke the same right arm. And again, I'm a lefty. I was at a neighbor's house and I made the decision in that moment not to tell anyone that I hurt my arm for a few reasons. I didn't want the fight at home with between my parents. I didn't want to hear fights about money, the lack of supervision. And just like I did most of my life, I kind of swept a lot under the rug, flew under the radar. I'm not here to make waves, I'm just here to make things better. And I was six, mind you. And two days later I could not contain the pain anymore. And like thankfully I was lefty so I could kind of manage. But two days later it was evident that there was a problem and I couldn't hide it anymore. And sure enough, my arm had been broken. And you know, when you don't get it taken care of right away, they have to re. Break it, set it. All the things I had a full arm cast and things like that, not lost on me, that that was also my right arm, right? But how that, that need for that masculine energy has run so strong for me. And I have the receipts and everything to prove that that has worked out really, really well for me. And also I have evidence and receipts to show where that has been a wrecking ball in my life. The masculine energy has ripped through my body, sometimes my relationships, my God given intuition, like seriously. So in this reconstruction we are putting in new armor, right? It's going to be the gold, it's going to be the feminine, it's going to be all of that. But this is really challenging. My default, default mode of operation here. And I knew going into it that this would invite me to a new way of living. Leading, loving, accepting things for me. And the. This has been very painful. Obviously physically, yes, but emotionally, like I said earlier today, I could feel it bubbling Up I, the, the full surrender, the full trust. Like everything that is coming up for me is trust, trust, trust. And although intuitively, you know, I, like I said, I'm super, super self aware and intuitively I know that that is required. And also I like to play my own cards, right? Like how can I have independence, independence, autonomy and control if I am not in control of some sort? And when we trust, that's vulnerability. And when we're vulnerable, we have risk of all of that sitting in the stillness and really redefining and forming a new relationship with stillness. In the past, stillness for me has felt like weakness. Or if I don't do, do, do, action, action, action, right side, right side, right side, masculine, masculine, masculine, then I'm weak and I am really allowing myself to feel into that, know that that part of me is important and beautiful and I'm thankful for that part of me. And also it's time to take a back seat for a little while. The emotional pain of releasing control is way worse than the actual physical pain that I'm in. The lessons in surrender that, you know, I have witnessed in the five few days since I've had this done, you know, living in a household, you know, back seven, eight years ago when I, you know, was going through another health thing and my kids were much younger, I didn't have a partner, I could hide a lot. I think back to it, how lonely it felt, but also like I felt, you know, the titanium walls up and I prided myself on not needing anything, like I said, but not a good thing, not a good thing. The last, over the weekend, you know, my kids have been in and out, my guy lives here, obviously his sons are here. And I could see what I was robbing them of. That's. This is the other thing. For those of you that struggle with receiving, being in that feminine energy, I know how I feel when they let me care for them, you know, especially on the weekends. I love to cook, I love to entertain them. We do things, we do all sorts of things. And I love to kind of be, you know, the orchestra leader of all of that. And I could see how I was robbing them. The looks on their faces, their energy. They weren't being mean, they weren't getting frustrated with me, at least verbally. But I could feel it. And, and I know if they wouldn't have let me help them, they would have heard about it from me. And I was talking to some friends over the weekend too. I was like, I, I see what I'm doing here. This has been very, very eye opening. And not just in this injury, but in life, its to business, right? And when it comes to doing the things that I'm here to do, to guide you guys the way that you are trusting me to guide you, there are things I want to bring into the world very differently than I ever have. That can't happen unless I receive support. Whether it's paid or not. This has been something that is a constant, constant thorn in my side and again meeting myself with compassion. When I'm seeing this, I am holding on so tightly to any form of control. And when we are holding onto control, we aren't in trust, we aren't in our feminine energy. And I could dream all the things that I want to bring to you all day long. And if I don't surrender and trust the process and trust people and trust support and trust my fucking self, what's the point? What's the point? I'm curious, you know, as you guys are listening, where are you holding on so tightly, right? Maybe some of you are in more of a surrender all the time and you have a harder time taking action, right? There are some of you that maybe live in the, the feminine and gosh, I envy that and also know how frustrating that can be. You know, anytime there's that like lack of harmony and I don't say imbalance because there's sometimes the, the scale is going to be tipped one way or the other. You know, we, we need both and we need to kind of levitate between the two. But anytime we're extreme one way or the other, it's, it's not sustainable. There will be a breakdown, you might blow up your life. I've done it more than once in my life. So I know the cost of this. And also like that conditioning is no joke. And at least I know what I can expect, right? That's the other part of this is with my masculine energy and maybe with your masculine energy, this illusion of control and independence, even though it might cause you some grief in your life, at least you know what you're getting. But that's not where the magic happens. It's not where the magic happens. I've been so humbled through this process and it, you know, looking at me like, yes, this looks painful but anytime we have to tear anything down, it gets messy for a little bit. And although this is very uncomfortable, I am allowing it. Even coming to hit record for this episode, I was not wanting to do it especially because, you know, not an hour and a half ago I was Crying in my kitchen in the arms of my beautiful man, for no other reason, but I am releasing the grip, I am allowing myself to receive. And it was a beautiful, beautiful moment. And I felt like a hundred pounds lighter. And of course, then I checked my aura ring a little bit later to see what my body was telling me. And the body never lies. I was in a full, relaxed, restored state. The more that I put the walls down, the more that I dipped over to the other side into my feminine energy. And so I'm going to encourage you guys, you know, hopefully you don't need, you know, the wallops upside your head and in your body like I do tend to from time to time. I always joke God gets my intention in my body, in my bank account. And boy, boy, it takes a lot for me to surrender. And I'm learning In my almost 53 years of life that I don't have to make it this hard. And neither do you. I really don't need to have a full body bone breakdown in order for me to learn the lesson. I don't have to be attached and neither to. Neither do you to old stories and old judgments and old shames that we carry. None of us need to do that. We are the writer of our life here. And although we do have free will, I try to not let it go rogue from. From here. Moving forward. And this process with my, my arm has been a lesson in that we can all exhale now. I know true power lies in flexibility and not force. And strength is found in letting go and not just holding on. Leadership is about trust, not control. And when I think back to many of you that trust me to lead you, guide you and walk beside you, I. I see and feel and know and respect and honor the trust that you put in me. And it's time I allow myself to do that for myself. Right? Let. Let what I divinely know and intuitively know to be true run the show instead of my mind. And with my spiritual mentor, mentor last week when we were looking at the timeline of my. And I'm in prime time, you know, and I'm going to be 53 here in a month or two. And you know, even though I people hacker and a mind hacker, it's. It's my. One of my spiritual gifts and one that I've honed very, very well. Not just through the. The tool of the Enneagram, but beyond. You know, I can see people and you and your souls and your blind spots, like, with precision, like a laser. And that's why I can do what I do with people like you to, you know, and it doesn't. It's not so painful because it's like a laser, you know, if you think about like, you know, a knife rip and you open versus a laser, it's like with precision. I do this for other people, and it is one of my gifts. And the problem with this for myself is I start with precision kind of mind hacking myself, and I'm flipping my whole way of doing life up on its head. It's time that my body leads the way. And in this body breakdown or breakthrough, we'll call it, I am learning how to let the body lead the way. Instead of my brilliant wizard mind, I do have a brilliant wizard mind. And my precision in doing that is great. And I know the more that I let the body and my feminine energy lead the way, the more I will be able to laser through not just you, but myself. I want you to embrace your own moments of surrender right now. It is not weakness. This is where we also have community and intimacy and connection. And that is all very, very healing. And that is where we bring beautiful things to the world and beautiful things to relationships. My relationships. Over the last two weeks, I've leaned in way more than I've leaned out. And although I'm like squirming and sweating and like, oh my God, what is this? I know this is refining me into the beautiful, harmonious, masculine, feminine energy powerhouse that I am. I've had a lot of inquiries about how to kind of dive in with me lately, so I thought I'd share. I do have a few openings moving forward as we are moving into almost March already. How is that? I do work one on one with people. I have a six month container. I can do a one off session. But obviously, you know, when we are overhauling ourselves emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, we need more of a Runway and a roadmap. So if you are looking to dive deeper and you know, I'm your girl because I am, I'm the one who can really help you. I. I know I can. You can go to traceomally.com work with me section, you can send me a DM, we can chat. Honestly, it's a powerful six months and I, I love doing the work that I do, and I've been doing it for over a decade now. And what's great about the work that I do with many of you is it holds me accountable too. You know, I am somebody that prides myself on walking my talk. I don't give lip Service. I do what I say and say what I do. Yeah, here we are in full surrender right now. I still feel very clunky doing this. I know that as uncomfortable as I am, I know it's just because it's unknown and unfamiliar. And maybe that's what you need to. Maybe you need to step into some uncomfortable and unfamiliar. The beauty of being almost 53 years old is I have lots of evidence that when I have surrendered to this, it has worked out well beyond anything that I could imagine. It is more beautiful, more abundant, more juicy than I ever could have imagined. So if you're with me, let's loosen the grip a little bit. Let's let some of this feminine energy come in. Let's really bring light and impact to the world. That can't be done just in the doing. This is also in the being, and it's in that feminine energy that we be everything that we were always designed to be. We can take with us parts of the story that had served us, and we can honor those parts of the story, but they don't have to be running the show anymore. And one of the things I vowed last week with my spiritual mentor is that I am ready to flip the script and I am really to turn this whole thing upside down. And even though that was survival, I'm here to thrive and I'm here to help you thrive too. So I am always willing to go first. I will continue to always go first. I will continue to be true and no bullshit with you in regards to this. More will always be revealed. This journey of life is so beautiful. It really is. Even in the most gutting, painful, uncomfortable, unknown things that we face, it's how we choose to show up for ourselves with ourselves, honoring ourselves, that really make all the difference in the world. So I know I have a crazy six weeks ahead of me here doing the. The surrendering even more on a next level and trusting on a next level. I hope that you will join me on it. I'm excited. I get to go to Palm Springs and and workshop a big group in a mastermind next week too. There are a bunch of entrepreneurs if you ever need somebody to come in and workshop your group, especially if you're a mastermind or a business coach facilitator, seriously understanding that the Enneagram roadmap and. And who you're talking to and who you're leading and things is really, really important. So I'm excited to go do that and feel alive, club arm and all. So I'll leave you with this trust, surrender, allow, accept, lean in instead of leaning out. Receive. You are worthy. You do. You are deserving. You are brave. You are courageous. And so it is. I'm so thankful that you listen. I am so thankful that even though I'm clunky with this podcasting thing after taking several months off, that you are here listening. You're sharing the episodes. You're messaging me about them. You're leaving reviews. All of it. I appreciate it more and I will receive it. I will receive it. Thank you so, so much. If you love this episode, please do share it. Leave a review. Tag me on Instagram if you do. Tracy Underscore o' Malley if you want to inquire about what it might look like to dive deep in the trench with me. I got you. I got your back. Always go to tracyomalley.com I'm so thankful for you. Nobody ever said being a legend was easy, but boy, is it worth it. We'll see you soon.

Thank you for joining me on the Legends Journey. Remember, legends aren't born, they're built. It's in the Rising, the falling, and the Rising again that we become who were meant to be. So as you step back into your life, ask yourself, what's the one thing you can do today to nurture, protect, guide not just yourself, but those around you? That's where the magic happens. If this episode resonated with you, don't.

Keep it to yourself.

Share it with someone who's ready to step into their legendary self. And don't forget to subscribe so you'll never miss an episode. I'd love to hear your thoughts, so head over to my Instagram @traceyomalley and let me know what's landing for you. Until next time, keep rising, keep leading, and keep living your legendary legacy. You got this.