EP424: Built to Carry It - Reclaiming Your Edge Beneath the Armor

You've built businesses, held families together, led teams, carried the weight of being the strong one. And somewhere along the way, you stopped listening to the one thing that carries you. Your body. Maybe it started with fatigue you couldn't push through, a softness you didn't choose, or a strength you can't access the way you used to. Man, do I know about that one. And now you're standing at the edge of something new. Not just a new season, but a new standard. One where you don't abandon your body for your mission. One where honoring your vessel is your integrity. Because your body isn't separate from your calling. It is the vessel that carries it. And if you're ready to reclaim strength without losing your softness, if you're ready to feel powerful without betraying what's sacred, this episode is for you. Let's go. Hey. Hey. And welcome to the Enneagram Edge. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, Enneagram expert leadership coach, recovering control freak, and your personal translator for the shit you keep repeating but don't totally understand yet. Now, if you're new here, buckle up. This is absolutely not another fluffy Enneagram podcast where we talk about how sweet it is to be an Enneagram, too, and bake cookies for your friends. No, this is the real deal. This show is about using the Enneagram as a tool for transformation. Not just information, and definitely not some party trick. Because knowing your type is cute, but embodying your highest expression, that is where your edge is. Every week, I'm bringing you the truth behind the types and the hype. How to stop self sabotaging, lead like a damn legend and actually understand the people in your life without wanting to scream into a pillow. Or if you're an enneagram8 like me, not throat punch someone. We'll talk about leadership, relationships, business, healing, high performance, and why confidence couples therapy isn't working. But fully understanding your Enneagram blueprint might just save your marriage. I'll drop solo episodes behind the curtain, coaching, and the occasional rant when someone calls the Enneagram just a personality test. So if you're ready to stop playing small and start showing up with unshakable clarity, confidence, and compassion for yourself and others. This is your space. You've got an edge. Now let's use it. Hey. Hey. Welcome back to the Enneagram Edge. This is going to be a very vulnerable episode, I think. Not just for me, but for many of you. Because it's the one thing that I think a lot of us might be A little bit out of integrity with. You hear me talk about the edge a lot, but let's get real. You can't lead at your edge if you're out of alignment with your body. And I know this to be true. Most high achievers, most high level people have experienced some hard early on in their life, and we've learned how to kind of disassociate from our body. And so I think a lot of us have, you know, maybe not honored the body the way that it needs to. So many high performers like you and me are walking around overachieving while your body is waving a big red flag. And if you're like me, you know, I have learned how to ignore that for many of. Many of the years in my life, probably up until the last decade. And. And we do this not because we're out of touch or because you're lazy or you don't have time. I mean, Apple tells us every week for my iPhone users how much time we actually do spend on our. Our things. You're out of touch because you've had to survive by pushing through. And what pushing through might mean to you. And, you know, people that you're comparing yourself to could look very, very different. That's why, like, I love the Enneagram, because I can kind of pinpoint what that might look like for each of us. But that edge, the one that's magnetic, that's powerful, that's true to you, it requires alignment. And your body will always tell the truth first. If you haven't read the book, the body keeps the score. I highly recommend you do so. I used to think that my mindset was way stronger than what my body was trying to tell me. That strong will that I know many of you have, it's like, it's fine, I got this. I'm just gonna power through, right? Eventually, your body does say, that's cute. Hold my beer, and it will take over, usually at a time that's not convenient, fun, or inexpensive, right? Your nervous system, your energy, your sleep, hunger cues, your rage, your softness, they're all data, right? Soul data. And when you ignore the vessel, you compromise the vision because the body is the container of your calling. And you know, the body feels cues and knows things before your conscious mind does. This is why, like, mindset isn't always the best indicator of things. And, and using words like alignment, we can justify why we do anything, quite honestly. But your body isn't something to fix, control, or shrink. It's not a billboard. It's a blueprint and it's the container of your calling. And when you treat your body like an afterthought, you fracture your edge. You can't live in that edge because the way you lead in the world is shaped by how you show up in your body. And honor, honoring your vessel is not a luxury. It's honestly the first form of leadership. And it's the kind of power no one sees, but everyone feels. Okay, this is for you. And I'm going to share what I'm going to share because I want you to know that I get it right. I want you to know that I completely understand. And you know, this is not a box we check. This is not a before and after picture. Nothing like that. And for years like, you know, I was an athlete my whole life. I played collegiate sports and I was strong. In fact, one of my all time proud favorite moments was actually in the delivery room with my first child. You know, so I was all of 24 years old and I worked out every day while I was pregnant and felt good even though I had horrendous morning, noon and night sickness. But, and I have this on video, so I'm not bullshitting you, I was in like hour 36 of labor and probably hour two and a half of pushing and I was adamant about like I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this. And what would happen was I would be pushing and during a contraction and as soon as the contraction was over, my daughter would like swoop back up into my body and this happened. This is why my labor was so long. This is why the pushing hours were as gruesome as they felt. And eventually my doctor got up on a stool during a contraction and my mother in law was right there and my husband at the time was there. And during the contraction my doctor starts to push down on my, my stomach to try and keep her down instead of like when the contraction is over, her swooping back up. And it was after, you know, one of the contractions of many. And he turns and looks at me, he's like, what are you, some kind of like freak of nature? And my mother in law is like, oh, she's an athlet. And I'm like, I do 500 sit ups a day and la la la la la. And I was really proud of that. I really, really was. And I still am. You know what I mean? Like I was strong and I was carrying the the best gift I'd ever been given. I was commanding rooms and lifting weights and living in full Throttle. And honestly, like, I love that woman. And she was fueled by force and survival, you know, and I've had, you know, disordered relationship with food. And my body started as a four or five year old. I remember it very, very clearly. And, you know, as somebody who has survived some sexual assaults and abuse in my life, my body, you know, it carried things that it needed to for a long, long time, and carried things it didn't need to for a long, long time. And when I was feeling empowered, like, being strong was like, you can't touch me, you can't hurt me. You. You know, all the things. And then there were periods of my time, periods of my life where I felt, you know, a little weaker, you know, and I would put weight on and hide and play small. I mean, there's a period of probably three years I'm not in one picture with my children. And it breaks my heart. You know, all this to be said is that we cannot honor the calling that's on our life if we are dishonoring our bodies. Now, I'm not saying we need to have a six pack or be ripped or anything like that, but we do need to be strong, right? And taking care of the vessel. And it's interesting because with, you know, my wrist replacement surgery that I had just a few short months ago, and through menopause and hormonal chaos, you know, things have changed, obviously. And the most important part, and this is kind of the message of this episode, is I had this huge realization over the weekend because I was feeling super resistant to working out again, to doing the things that make me feel really good and strong. And I was like, what is it? I know I'm not afraid with my wrist. I know, like, I'm not afraid of all this stuff happening. I mean, I survived childbirth twice. I've experienced some really crazy things in my life, and my body has always come through and never failed me. So why was I resisting this so much? And I had this realization over the weekend when I was speaking at a women's retreat that there was this belief that the softness that is actually my power right now, you know, finally recognizing that the softer, feminine parts of me are actually what makes me super strong. I wasn't that aggressive, bold, fiery personality. Even though I still have that and it is still part of my edge. It's when I. When I honored and. And really embraced the soft, vulnerable parts of me, that that is the most powerful part of who I am, right? And there was this belief that if I get strong, will that take over the soft edge. And, you know, for those of us that. That live in extremes, you know, swing from one end of the pendulum to the other. And I know that's most of you, so, you know, the goal is to find the sweet spot where we can dance between the two, right? But when we're swinging from one end to the other all the time, it's not sustainable. It's not alignment, it's not honorable all the time. I mean, there are. There are times in your life that that is the case and can't always be helped, but you need to know how to be able to pull out of that. And when I had this realization over the weekend, I was like, oh, I can be both. I use words like and all the time. I don't like the word but, right? Yeah, but, yeah, but no, yeah. And I can be soft and vulnerable and feminine and powerful and have a strong, healthy body, you know, with muscles I miss. I miss my muscles so much. And, you know, I. I was telling my best friend, I was like, the scale is less than it's ever been, you know, even before, you know, childbirth, back 30 years ago almost. And I don't care. I feel squishy and I don't feel strong in my body. And so. Oh, yeah, so it's beginning. And. And underneath, you know, all of that was that buried belief. You know, if I became physically strong again, I'll lose the softness. I fought so hard to reclaim it. And as an enneagram 8, strength wasn't a bonus. It was protection. And control made me feel safe, vulnerable. Vulnerability felt like a setup. And when my body stopped cooperating, it wasn't betrayal. It's a wake up call. And I know there's many of you that maybe have your body trying to tell you something. It's waving the flag saying, honey, you better get your shit together, you know, because real strength doesn't come from the armor. It really doesn't. And as an enneagram 8, trust me, I love the fucking armor. Real leadership doesn't come from the image. Real integrity starts with embodiment. So let's talk about you. Now, if you're the strong one, if you're used to powering through instead of slowing down, if your body's been whispering or maybe even screaming at you and you've been too busy to listen, or you're like me. And, you know, from the neck up, you're like, I'm stronger than this. But from the neck down, you're dead. This is your moment of truth. And you may have confused endurance with embodiment. You may have learned to survive by disconnecting from the very vessel that carries your magic. Seriously, when I had this realization over the weekend, I compassionately met myself. I tried really hard and I worked really hard. I didn't try, I did. I worked really hard to meet myself with compassion. Because of course, of course I've lived in extremes when it came to this softness and strength, right? I still, even though I claim my softness as my strength, you know, the 45 plus years before that of conditioning that like the strong is, you know, the thing, you know, I'm still learning and that muscle memory is no joke sometimes. But let me ask you this. What is your body trying to tell you beneath all the expectations and the noise, right? I'm telling you, I joke, but I'm not really that like God and the divine gets my attention in my body, in my bank account. And I guarantee it's probably you too, right? Really pay attention. Don't sweep it under the rug and all my enneagram types. This looks really, really different for, you know, where have you used strength to avoid your softness? I could, I could write a whole book on just that. What would integrity look like if it started in your nervous system and not just in your calendar or your p. L or the bottom line or the calendar, you know, all the things. What would integrity look like if it started in your nervous system? And I say this because, you know, up until eight years ago, any of this somatic nervous system shit I would have thought was bullshit, you know, and like I said, I'm speaking from experience and if there was a way around this, I would have found it. But like I said, the body keeps the, and the body never lies, okay? So integrity in all areas of your life, this has to be a priority because the truth is this. We've been conditioned to perform our power, not partner with it. That's a good one. That's a good one. We've been conditioned to perform our power not to partner with it. But sustainable aligned power lives in your body. And your body will keep inviting you back to the truth until you answer. And sometimes you don't get it till you get it. Please don't be like me and, and have it be so extreme where you're on your deathbed that you don't start to pay attention. Some of us more strong willed people, like we need the 2 by 4 upside the head or so much disruption in our, our life in order to like get to our knees and surrender. But you don't have to wait. You don't have to wait for a breakdown. You get to choose a different way now. So what does honoring the vessel look like now for me? You know, walking every single day, not to burn anything off, but to drop in. This is something that, with my private coaching clients, this is mandatory. And again, none of this is for aesthetics. None of this, none of this is for aesthetics. But if we're disassociating from our body or if you've experienced some trauma in your life, even if you've done, quote unquote, the work, again, this is not a box you check. And it's not like something you keep on a scorecard. This is until you're dead, kind of. And this walking every day really helps you connect and go back and, and honor and talk to and heal with the little legends inside of you. I just did it again this morning and I got out of the habit of it. And there's no excuse, absolutely no excuse ever. I don't care where you live, what's going on in your life, you can take a lap around the block at least once a day at a bare minimum, right? So walking every single day, not to burn anything off. And I feel great. I feel great. Lifting with intention to support my hormones, my joints and my longevity. Again, none of this is about aesthetics, but, you know, I'm carrying quite the calling. And so I need my muscles strong and healthy so that I can walk tall in that. Eating for energy and strength and not validation. This one is tough for me sometimes. My disordered relationship with food began as a five year old. And there are times that I have swung from either end of the pendulum, like restriction, overeating. You know, I do the overeating, then restrict and you know this mentality that less is more. Absolutely. At my age, this is a big no, no. So I'm eating for lots of energy and strength, resting when my body says enough, especially when my mind hasn't caught up yet. And that isn't weakness, this is wisdom. Right. I used to think resting was for the week and I've done more resting in the last year and a half. And I'm stronger than ever in, in mind, body and spirit. Right? So we are going to be doing more of that. This is the edge redefined. So I want to invite you into reflection. 2. Are you treating your body like a project or a partner? We want partnership. Are you listening to your vessel or overriding it for the sake of performance? Are you neck down dead like I was? Are you leading others from Embodiment or exhaustion and fear and scarcity and uncertainty. This isn't about going back to who you were. It's about becoming the person, man or woman, your future edge needs you to be right now. Easier said than done, right? But it starts one moment at a time, one decision at a time, one commitment at a time. One moment where you don't feel like it, but you do it anyway. Moment at a time. Because you don't lose your edge by softening. You reclaim it when you stop abandoning yourself. And your edge is not found in force. It's forged in integrity. And, you know, I'm somebody who walks in integrity, and I will call myself out when I'm not in integrity again with compassion, right? Because the shame, the judgment, the criticism that will keep you stuck, right? Your edge is found in integrity. And honoring the body is one of the pillars that you must be in Integrity. Your health is one of the number one areas that you must be in Integrity. This is the kind of edge that doesn't impress. It impacts if you want to make impact. This is. This is so important. This is the kind of edge that doesn't just carry weight, it carries your wisdom. And this is the kind that doesn't break you down. It builds you into who you came here to be. So the next time you wonder where your power went, I want you to look inward. I want you to feel downward, and I want you to honor the vessel. Because you, my friend, were built to carry it. You are. You're here to do mighty, mighty things in your homes, in the world, and you cannot do that if you are dishonoring the very vessel that's carrying this impact. So I'm probably going to be sharing more of this on the Instagram thing because, A, it holds me accountable. And anytime I do, you guys really respond to it and you say it's helpful. It's the most vulnerable area of my life. My health has been. And, you know, May was Lyme awareness month. And I shared a reel yesterday on my journey when I was in the throes of this eight years ago. And although I wouldn't wish that journey on anyone, it's grueling, it's uncertain, it's complicated. It gave me the ability to reconnect to my body in ways that I had been so disconnected from it for 45 years at that time, it gave me the ability to have compassion, not only for me and my body, but for you and yours. And I speak this not from telling you what to do place, but really a place like Please, please, please honor the vessel. Please, please, please do this because you are here to do great things. So I'll be doing this on the Instagram. You can find me at tracee Underscore o' Malley if you want to dive deep into all areas of integrity on your life, you know, obviously we go into what this means for your specific Enneagram type because how this plays out for each Enneagram type looks very, very different. And you have to know where your blind spots are, especially around being in integrity with your health. I do one on one private sessions. You can do that@tracyomalley.com and if you're ready to integrate your edge into every part of your life, personally and professionally. I have some limited spots for my private one on one coaching. Imagine having me in your back pocket for six to 12 months. Or if you want to dive in in a VIP day. All of that is available at Tracy O' Malley.com I've been thinking about all of you. As I am exploring and honoring this journey and being in integrity with the vessel and finding my edge beneath my armor. I am here to help you do the same thing. We get one shot at this life and I know we're here to really live it loud and proud and honorable. And I hope you'll stay with me on this journey. And I am here with you. Until next time, you guys, let's find your edge and own it. And that's a wrap on today's Dive into the Edge. If this episode hit you in the gut or lit a fire under your ass good, that means it's working. Here's the deal. Transformation is not a checkbox. It's a damn decision. And the Enneagram, it's your ultimate power tool when you actually know how to use it. If you loved today's episode, share it with somebody who's ready to stop playing small. Subscribe, leave a review, and if you're really feeling brave, shoot me a message and tell me what cracked open for you. Remember, your edge isn't something to be polished down. It's part of you that was always meant to to lead. Until next time, stay sharp, stay true, and keep walking your edge.