EP427: 5 Unpopular Opinions About the Enneagram That Will Actually Move the Needle For You

Let me just say it. If you've ever said, I'm such an Enneagram blank, like it explains everything about you, you've. You've missed the damn point. And I'm not saying that to be rude. I'm saying it because I care way too much to let you stay stuck there. The Enneagram wasn't created to slap a label on your personality or who you are. It was designed to help you see the parts of you that formed out of pain, pressure, performance, conditioning. And it's here so that you can come back to the version of you that existed before the world told you, told you who to be, who you told yourself to be, before life lifed you a little bit. But let's be honest. Most of what's out there right now, it keeps people entertained, but not transformed. I'm not here for Enneagramtainment. It gives them something to post, not something to actually live. And I didn't. And I haven't spent over a decade mastering this to be part of that noise. I'm here to help you use this tool to reclaim your life, your leadership, your relationships, and your truth. So today, I'm dropping five unpopular opinions about the Enneagram. Some of them might challenge you. Some might even piss you off. All of them are meant to wake something up in you. And if you're still with me by the end, you just might be the kind of person that I am here to lead and show how to use this Enneagram tool the way it was always intended and to give you an edge up on life. Let's go. Hey. Hey. And welcome to the Enneagram Edge. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, Enneagram expert leadership coach, recovering control freak, and your personal translator for the shit you keep repeating but don't totally understand yet. Now, if you're new here, buckle up. This is absolutely not another fluffy Enneagram podcast where we talk about how sweet it is to be an Enneagram, too, and bake cookies for your friends. No, this is the real deal. This show is about using the Enneagram as a tool for transformation, not just information. And definitely not some party trick. Because knowing your type is cute, but embodying your highest expression, that is where your edge is. Every week, I'm bringing you the truth behind the types of and the hype. How to stop self sabotaging, lead like a damn legend, and actually understand the people in your life without wanting to scream into a pillow, or if you're an Enneagram. Ain't like me not throat punch someone. We'll talk about leadership, relationships, business, healing, high performance, and why couples therapy isn't working. But fully understanding your Enneagram blueprint might just save your marriage. I'll drop solo episodes behind the curtain coaching, and the occasional rant when someone calls the Enneagram just a personality test. So if you're ready to stop playing small and start showing up with unshakable clarity, confidence, and compassion for yourself and others, this is your space. You've got an edge. Now let's use it. Hello, and welcome back to the Enneagram Edge. I'm your host, Tracy o', Malley, and this is going to be a short and sweet little episode, but it's going to hit you right between the eyes, because, listen, I'm not here to shame how you've used the Enneagram. I know if you've landed on this podcast, maybe you've heard about it from somewhere else and somebody suggested that you come here and listen to this. I get it. We've all grabbed onto parts of the Enneagram that felt safe or trendy. And thank God it became trendy, because most of you, that's how you found out about it. So I'm not, like, knocking it. We've all made it mean something, maybe, about who we are. But the truth is, is most people are operating from the part of their Enneagram type that helped them survive, not the part that actually helps them evolve. And that's what's missing in the Enneagram is, like, let's slap a label on it. Let's, you know, share this thing. Let's, you know, and all of it's great, but there's more, right? So if you're listening and something inside you feels a little bit, maybe uncomfortable, that's okay. And actually, like, I've done my job, because that's a really good sign that. That you're ready. You know, I. I'm a firm believer. I say this all the time. When the student is ready, the teacher and the tools appear. And then you need to know what to do with it, because I promise you, I'm not here to call you out. I'm calling you up because I know you're being called deeper. And you might not know how to actually move through the stuff that has kept you safe, that has kept you in survival. And so today, we're gonna go there. So let's go there together. Okay? So unpopular opinion number one, you are not your number. You're not a. Two, you're not an eight. You're not a three. You do have a home base where your core fears and your core motives live, right? Like you live in a home, right? But you venture out into the world, right? And a lot of times, especially in this understanding and learning about the Enneagram, we hold on so tight to that home base, your core Enneagram type, like it's your armor, and then you start using it like armor. And the. The cool thing about when we understand and. And know how to integrate the framework of the Enneagram, is we understand that our type, our number, is the strategy to help us thrive. But many of us have used that other strategy that maybe your nervous system built. Built to keep you safe and help you survive, but it's not actually who you are, and it's actually, quite honestly, blocking your superpowers. And it's. And those things become your kryptonite, you know? So maybe if you've built a brand, a marriage, a belief system around your type, it might be time to ask yourself, am I expressing who I truly am or just who I had to be? Are these some of the survival mechanisms, or is this really me thriving? And. And this is kind of the hard part about some of the information teachings out there. And trust me, I want to hold on to every part of my eightness. Sometimes that's how I justify a lot of the. That I do. That feels really scary to me. You know what? I. This takes radical, compassionate honesty with ourselves sometimes. And most often, it takes a guide that can see things that maybe you can't. Right? Unpopular opinion number two, your wings aren't accessories. They're actually lifelines. If you are a lifetime listener of this show, you know how I feel about the wings. They're the real superheroes of all of this. And, you know, this whole teaching and idea that you're a. Oh, I'm a seven wing six or sing six wing five, and that's it. And no, that's not how it works. This is probably the number one thing that pisses me off when I hear some really great marketing from Enneagram coaches that are out there, or Enneagram gurus or whatever they call themselves, that this teaching still exists because that's actually going to impede you and maybe leave you circling and maybe even having you crash and burn. Right? Every Enneagram type has two wings. You've got two. You're meant to use both. Just like a bird or an airplane or a butterfly. If any of those things, a bird, airplane, or a butterfly uses one wing. It crashes, it burns, it explodes, right? Or it circles. And many of you have grabbed onto some of this trendy teachings of the Enneagram that you know, hyper fixate, you know, my wings, like you have two wings. You need to use this. And a lot of you cling to one that feels easier or one that helps you kind of protect the parts of you that are trying to survive. And you ignore. The one that holds your growth or the one that's here is like the supporting cast even more. Both wings work together in tandem to help you become the highest version of yourself, to help you stop self sabotaging, to help you stop procrastinating. They're here to empower the parts of you that really want to hide or hyper fixate on doing right, whatever that means for you. But here's the truth. If you're only flapping one wing, you're flying in circles or you're about to crash. And, and so learning how to use both wings is so imperative. And this is one of the number one teachings I do within my coaching and coming soon, my certification that I am creating for those of you that you know, lead people not just professionally, but also in your home. Like understanding how to use these superhero arrows of, of the Enneagram framework is really, really key. All right, unpopular opinion number three. If you don't know your subtype, you don't know your type, right? I've said it before and I'll say it again. Understanding of your subtype or the instinct is really everything. Like this is as important to understand about yourself and other people as it is, you know, anything, right? Because like a self preservation six is not a social six is not a one on one Enneagram six. Same core fear, same core motive, wildly different behavior and reactions to things that are happening. And most people are out here mistyping themselves because they don't even know this layer exists. In fact, almost every single Enneagram assessment, free, paid, really highly, you know, marketed coaches, they don't take this into consideration and this honestly because most of the stuff that we want to use the Enneagram for happens when life is really lifing us hard. Without understanding your subtype, your instinct. This is where this thing goes wrong. And this is why most people are mistyped again. Online assessments, paid and not are inaccurate 65 to 75% of the time. And when you have the inaccurate information, it's like the wrong GPS coordinates and you're going to keep going the wrong way in the wrong places. So if you're coaching, leading Parenting, loving someone without really kind of understanding this component to it, you're only seeing half the picture. I just got off a coaching call with one of my corporate clients and the, one of the heads of hr and she was so frustrated with this person. And I get it, like, behaviorally, like, we can understand why this would be frustrating. This, this person she was frustrated with is a self preservation type. And when things are happening for a self preservation type, her understanding that safety, security, comfort and how this affects him is going to be on high alert. And when we can kind of look at it from that perspective, we can more effectively lead people out of their own shit. Right? This is again, one of the huge components that I train, coach, educate on in my, my work with people and my work with teams and, and large organizations and, and in my certification that is coming in a very short amount of time. Like this is a key component to understand. So I can't wait to dive deeper, not just here on the podcast, but with many of you that are interested in going even deeper. All right, popular unpopular opinion number four. Knowing your type won't change your life. Living it will, right? You can memorize every type, every description in the books, but if you're not applying it in real time, you actually are just consuming more content to stay in the loop of your type pattern. And, and even those of you, and I know who you are that have maybe drank the Enneagram Kool Aid and you maybe even have sat in on workshops with me and, and things like that, and, and you might understand it and you might understand from the neck up all of the framework, right? Integration doesn't happen until we actually feel and move through it from the neck down. I just did this podcast episode, it was so a podcast interview with somebody and I was talking about what it feels like to be neck down dead. And a lot of us are, right, most of us are everything from the nec up mindset. I mean the whole personal development world is like mindset, mindset, mindset. And, and honestly, like, that's only part of the equation. But more up top, more in the mind, more understanding, more information actually paralyzes and suffocates the very thing that you need to do in order to integrate and use this tool most effectively. And that's everything from the neck to down. Now the Enneagram information can help you integrate what that looks like from the neck down, but you're, you're going to get further by living it, not just by learning it. Again, in my certification, I am in real time teaching Integration, which is so cool. Like, I'm not just here to fire hose you a bunch of information that doesn't mean shit unless you actually know what to do with it. Just like any tool, right? It's great. We can go on YouTube, we can take the tutorial, we can ask ChatGPT all the things in the world, but if we don't actually know what to do with any of it, Pointless. And I am not here for pointless. All right, final unpopular opinion of today. The online assessments and the quizzes and all that, they. They type your mask, not your motive, right? And this is why, like again, 65 to 70 of time, they're wrong. If you found your type from a 10 minute quiz, there's a solid chance it's wrong. And even some of the more extensive paid ones too. Because a lot of them, the way that they ask the questions, they measure the behaviors and what you do, not the why you do behind it. And a lot of times our behavior is shaped by conditioning what was taught, told and modeled to us. Trauma, maybe. Who you had to be in order to survive. And that's the mask, right? I mistyped as well, and I typed exactly how I wanted the world to see me at the time. Right? That doesn't help us. It doesn't help us grow, it doesn't help us thrive. It isn't sustainable. It feels like every day, like we ask ourselves, I don't even know who the fuck I am. Right? The Enneagram is not here to give you a mask. It's here to uncover the motive. And. And once we understand the motive behind every single thing we do, especially again, asterisk, with radical, compassionate honesty, we are able to grow, to thrive, to effectively lead, to raise well rounded, happy, confident humans, to enter partnerships and friendships and, and opportunities that are coming from true, honorable places, rather than, you know, feeling like we have to earn our worth or do it for certainty or significance or control. Right? It's why I don't rely on any of that stuff in my work. And when I guide you through the certification, I will help you identify this without reliance on those you know, I read patterns, I read between the behaviors, I am able to get to the core of the motive behind the patterns. And when you know how to ask questions that cut through performance, and when you are able to hit the root, you'll feel it in your gut every single time. And so will the person in front of you. I'm so excited to be able to teach this to you. Right. So I know none of that is Fluffy. Pretty shareable, right? But this is the real work. When you use the tool of the Enneagram to accelerate transformation, to lead legends, to raise legends, all the things, and here's what I know, is that if any of this hit you in the chest or made you feel uncomfortable, you're probably tired of the watered down version of personal development and specifically the Enneagram. You want depth, you want truth. You want tools that actually change and transform lives. That's why so many people have become drawn to the Enneagram, but they don't know how to use it. It's like trying to use a chainsaw for the first time. You know, it's an effective, powerful tool. But if you don't know how to use it, you might be damaging things, or you might be so afraid of it, you're like, yeah, no, I'm going to use the screwdriver instead. And I want you to have that depth and I want you to feel confident in the number one transformative tool I've ever used in 50 plus years of my life. And that's exactly what and why I'm building the Enneagram certification for you. And I want you to know, like, level one is for those of you that maybe even don't ever want to, like, actually talk about the Enneagram, but you just want a better understanding of people and how to really use this and streamline the way that you communicate inside and outside of your home. Right? So I am very excited to bring it to you. It definitely isn't a surface level kind of thing. It's not Enneagram for Instagram or things like that. It's going to be a deep, integrative, high level work for people who want to guide others with clarity, compassion, and real authority. And again, even if this is just in your own home or with the people that you love and lead in your homes, whether you're a coach, a leader, a healer, just someone who's ready to live with more integrity. This will change how you lead, how you love, and how you show up in the world. And honestly, like, when I think back to 13 years ago, how this transformed everything in my home and the culture that I built and, you know, after coming off a weekend of watching my baby girl get engaged, when I think back to when I was first really embracing and integrating the full scope of what the Enneagram is in my life, I couldn't help but look at what I was witnessing in this beautiful weekend to know that this would look really, really different if I didn't have this understanding and an understanding of how to integrate this into our lives. So I'm excited to be able to know the way, go the way and show the way for many, many of you. Now you can get on the wait list now for it. The link is in my show notes and@tracy omalley.com and if this and if this episode stirred something, share it, please Tag me. Let's raise the bar for what this work is actually about with this beautiful tool called the Enneagram. And I want to be able to show most of you, those of you that are really ready to to do something beautiful with it, how the Enneagram can give you an edge up on your life, your leadership, the way you love, the way you lead, and everything beyond. So you guys ready? I can't wait to dive in deeper with you and more to come. So in the meantime, share this. Tag me if you have questions. You know where to find me on Instagram, tracyomalley or at my website, traceyomalley.com where we talk about all things Enneagram and how it gives you the edge up on life and until next time. And that's a wrap on today's Dive into the Edge. If this episode hit you in the gut or a little further fire under your ass, good, that means it's working. Here's the deal. Transformation is not a checkbox. It's a damn decision. And the Enneagram, it's your ultimate power tool when you actually know how to use it. If you loved today's episode, share it with somebody who's ready to stop playing small. Subscribe, leave a review, and if you're really feeling brave, shoot me a message and tell me what cracked open for you. Remember, your edge isn't something to be polished down. It's part of you that was always meant to lead. Until next time, stay sharp, stay true, and keep walking your edge.