EP435: When Good Enough is Gutting You: And How the Enneagram Can Fill You Back Up

You've got a life that looks good, maybe even enviable. The job works. The bills are paid. The people around you, they love you. And if anyone asked, you'd say you're fine. But here's what nobody sees. Good enough is gutting you from the inside out. Because fine is the counterfeit. It mimics peace, but it steals your fire. Good enough is just comfortable enough to keep you from risking what's actually waiting for you, and you know it. That's why you scroll late at night. That's why you wake up with a pit in your stomach, even though nothing's technically wrong. That's why every time you taste a glimpse of what's possible, you shove it back down and tell yourself I should just be grateful. Gratitude is sacred. Settling isn't. And I want you to hear me right now. If you don't name it, if you don't declare it, good enough will hollow you out until you forget what you were even here to do. I've lived it. And. And for the last 18 months, I've been in what I call a spiritual sabbatical. Still working, still showing up. But underneath the surface, I was circling around and. Good enough. Not sure if I wanted to risk it until I finally declared it out loud. I can't do this anymore. I can't manipulate my message. I can't feed the content monster. I can't let AI strip the soul out of my work. And the moment I declared it, just days later, alignment showed up. Not because I hustled harder, but because I refused to settle for counterfeit. That's what this conversation is about today. How to recognize when good enough is gutting you. How to declare something different. And how to act as if the miracle is already on its way. Let's go. Hey. Hey.

And welcome to the Enneagram Edge.

I'm your host, Tracy o'. Malley.

Enneagram expert, leadership coach, recovering control freak, and your personal translator for the shit you keep repeating but don't totally understand yet. Now, if you're new here, buckle up.

This is absolutely not another fluffy Enneagram.

Podcast where we talk about how sweet it is to be an Enneagram, too. And bake cookies for your friends.

No.

This is the real deal. This show is about using the Enneagram as a tool for transformation, not just information. And definitely not some party trick.

Because knowing your type is cute, but.

Embodying your highest expression, that is where your edge is. Every week, I'm bringing you the truth behind the types and the hype. How to stop Self sabotaging.

Lead like a damn legend and actually understand the people in your life without.

Wanting to scream into a pillow. Or if you're an Enneagram, ain't like.

Me not throat punch someone.

We'll talk about leadership, relationships, business, healing, high performance, and why come couples therapy isn't working. But fully understanding your Enneagram blueprint might just save your marriage. I'll drop solo episodes behind the curtain coaching, and the occasional rant when someone calls the Enneagram just a personality test. So if you're ready to stop playing small and start showing up with unshakable clarity, confidence, and compassion for yourself and others, this is your space. You've got an edge.

Now let's use it. Hey. Hey. Welcome back to another episode of the Enneagram Edge. I am your host, Tracy o', Malley, and you know one of my good friends and mentors. And, yeah, he always says, good is the enemy of great. And it's so true. And, you know, I think in business and relationships, we're afraid to let go of what's good in order to have what's great, because there's this wilderness period, this purgatory period. It's like we. We make this deal with the divine, whatever that means to you or to God. And it's like, okay, I'll. I'll surrender and I'll let this go, but you better deliver in literally 2.2 seconds. If I'm gonna jump, you better catch me the immediate moment. I do. That's not how this works. You know, this is the beauty, I will say, of being in my 50s now is I have enough evidence, and I have the receipts to show that anytime I did really surrender, without an expectation, timing, that it always delivered. And even better, even better than I could have imagined. And that being said, even with the receipts, even with the timelines and the screenshots and all the things like, I have so much evidence that this is true, and it's still really freaking hard. And so I wanted to talk about this today with you because I know, especially in the world we live in, with so much filtered bullshit out there and a calling on your life, the impact that I know you're here to make in your homes and out in the world and in the marketplace and whatever that is for you. I know that you sitting on the good is robbing you of the great. Not just the great for you, but for the great that you can give to this world and to your lineage also. And I wanted to take you behind the curtain on what this Looks like for me sometimes. And in particular, the recent 18 months. Eighteen months ago, it was, gosh, January 2024. And every year, some of my really close girlfriends and I go and we. We meet somewhere in the world. There's about eight or nine of us, and all really empowering, successful, beautiful women. Most are moms, a few are not. But we go somewhere to kind of mastermind. It's like a girls trip, slash mastermind, love fest, healing, sacred circle. And if you had told me, you know, 15 years ago that that would be so important to me, I would have laughed. I was somebody who typically did not have a lot of close girlfriends I couldn't trust for a lot of reasons that we'll save for another day. I know that that might be a lot of you, that. That sisterhood wouldn't. Sister wound, the mother wound is pretty deep for you. And so for this to be something that is such a beautiful, vulnerable catalyst of growth and change in my life, it's pretty powerful. And that being said, it's also very disruptive. And I think that's what a lot of us are afraid to have in our life, is this disruption. But it's in the disruption that the great can come. So I knew I needed something. I needed something in me, needed space. And from that moment on, I knew I was embarking on a spiritual sabbatical. And if you've ever been in one, you know, it's not glamorous, it's not pretty. It's not like sipping, you know, your freaking green juice in Bali and journaling on the beach, even though, like, I did do that, it wasn't in Bali, it was in Mexico. It means showing up for work and keeping your responsibilities and doing the things and being a parent and being a part and, you know, taking care of your body. Right, Right. But underneath there's this ache. And I knew that there was more. I knew that there has to be more. And in the moment, it's like, I've built such a beautiful life. I've worked really hard for it. I've done the vulnerable things, I've done the risky things. I've done the misunderstood things. And so when you find yourself, like, I know there has to be more, you might pull out the shame, stick on yourself and be like, I should just be grateful. This is. Why can't this be good enough? And it is good enough. It is good enough. And, like, I know there's more. I know that what you've been through in your life, I know that what I've been through in my life can provide more to make impact, not just in my home, which it has tremendously. I've completely transformed the trajectory of our lives, not just financially but emotionally and spiritually. I broke generational curses and you know, things that will go on long after I'm gone on this earth. Like I'm very proud of it. And also I know there's more impact for. To me, for me to. To make. I know there's more abundance, not just for me and my family, but for others. And, and I know how to do that very well with other people. But I didn't know necessarily what that meant. And because I'm human, I do what we all do, right? I at. At moments would try to fill the space with noise for a brief second. I poured into the content treadmill. I looked at what other people were doing and thought maybe that's the move. I even started leaning a little bit more on AI than I wanted, hoping it would make everything easier, you know, and it actually just. All of it just made everything more confusing. And instead of clarity, I got. I felt more hollow. Good enough, sustainable, manageable, but gutting. And then a couple weeks ago, I just, I just had. Had it, you know, because, you know, when you try to force something that isn't true to you, you might be able to manufacture that for a little while, but it's not sustainable, first and foremost. And second of all, it just sucks. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. It sucks. You feel like you're like this, this puppet to. To the machine and I just couldn't do it anymore. Not because I hate the work, but because I couldn't do it in a way that guts my soul, you know, I am the hardest worker I know. And as of late, like, I have to catch myself. Even though what being a hard worker looks like is different to me today than it was then. You know, this is the same girl that went back to work 13 days after giving birth. Both times within 14 months of each other, you know, so it's not like I've ever been afraid of work. I love the work. I love the work. I do. I really, really do. And so I got on Instagram and I made a reel. One take. It was easiest reel I've ever made in my life. There was nothing pretty about it, nothing glamorous about it. But I get on do one take. It's like 3 minutes and 14 seconds, something like that. And I. I'm getting ready. And the captions, all mine, you know, no AI, I'm like this. I'm just doing this as me. That's the brand. Anytime I have owned who I am, everything abundantly comes easier in flow, with more joy. It tracks all the things. And right before I'm getting ready to post it, Instagram tells me, right, you know, lady, you probably shouldn't post this because it's longer. We won't show it to people unless they follow you. And how many times have you compared yourself? You know, you're following the trends, you're following what the gurus say, and then you second guess yourself and yank back what your soul told you to do. And this was the first moment in a while that I was like, fuck it. You know what? I don't even care. I have no expectation to the outcome. I am just going to be me and let the chips fall where they may. And so I posted it. And less than two hours later, Instagram decides to tell me, you're doing such a great job. Oh, my gosh, this. This reel has gotten more engagement than any of your other ones. You know, maybe not as many views, but the engagement is off the charts. Keep doing more of that, right? Can you. Can you imagine what would happen if we stopped comparing ourselves and even listened to the very thing you might be relying on to carry your message and to own your calling? Right? So I do that. Fuck it, you know, I'm being me. And I felt such relief. And not only that, I kid you not, because I had no expectation. I didn't do the deal with the divine and God and say, hey, I'm gonna. I'm gonna surrender and be me, but you better deliver. But sure, shit. Three days later. 3. An opportunity that I'll be sharing soon landed right in front of me. And not just any opportunity. The kind that has been circling my life for years, but couldn't land until I made space for it. Till I dropped the ego a little bit for it, till I asked myself, what do I really want? What do I really want? And that's the power of declaration. Not just saying it, but acting as if you mean it before there is any proof, right? So I want to kind of share with you the real cost of living in I'm fine. And if you don't know what fine means, y', all, I say this a lot to my private clients that I work with Fine. Feelings inside, not expressed. And here's what I need you to know. This isn't just about feeling a little off. The cost of settling for fine is real. Mentally, emotionally, even physically. Research Shows that people who suppress emotions, who live with that unresolved fine are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, and even chronic health issues like gut problems and autoimmune conditions. This was in positive psychology, by the way. And looking at my life. Yeah. Check, check, check, check, check. Right. Right. Now, one in five U.S. adults experience some form of mental illness every year. That's 20% of us walking around carrying stress, disconnection, or emotional weight we never name. And loneliness. Studies show chronic loneliness increases your risk of early death by 50%, on par with smoking and worse than obesity or lack of exercise. And loneliness. You know, I have been surrounded by thousands and thousands of people and felt lonely before. So this isn't about, you know, isolating yourself in a room with, you know, a box of Ho Hos and, you know, Hoarders, the. The TV show on Netflix. That's my go to, by the way, in case you wanted to know. When I get into my lonely mode, that's where I go. But I've also been very lonely in rooms with thousands of people. And I say all this because this is not a time to shame yourself. This is a time for curiosity, for compassion, for kindness, for tenderness, for clarity. This is about telling the truth. Fine is not harmless. It's a slow bleed. It drains your clarity, your joy, and your aliveness and your calling. Unless you declare something different, it will gut you one quiet day at a time. And this is where the Enneagram comes in for me. Right, and for you. Because the way we get trapped in good enough is kind of wired into us a little bit. You know, obviously, we have these outside external forces, the nurture aspect of our life. You know, the environments we put ourselves in, the people we surround ourselves with, the things we've experienced and built beliefs and thoughts and patterns around. Right? But then there is the nature of us, you know, and that's what I love about the Enneagram. It's nature and nurture and that divine wiring, plus our experiences and all the things I just said really can have us expressing this in a way that doesn't serve us. It may get us to survival, but definitely not in thrive mode, you know? So I wanted to kind of touch briefly on how the Enneagram can help you navigate this as a roadmap, which is how I teach the Enneagram. And those of you that want to not just, you know, learning the Enneagram is cool, but, like, what's in this for you? What's in this for you is understanding the exact language, the Exact procedure to gently, kindly, compassionately, curiously pull yourself out of this. Not swinging from one extreme to the other, right? Like on one end of the pendulum to the other. Because that. That's just a cycle of destruction. But more so, how to use this like an atlas. So for my enneagram, types 8, 3, and 1. Hi, I'm one of you. We live in motion. So what good enough looks like. It looks like achievement, right? That's why, like, I can see it clear as day in myself and other people that when this is going on, you keep climbing ladders that don't even matter anymore because the movement distracts you from that emptiness, right? It's like, let's just do more and kind of distract ourselves from this. For the enneagrams, types 4, 6, and 9, you guys kind of live in comfort. You're good enough. Looks like safety. You'd rather stay in predictable pain than risk uncertain possibility. It feels responsible, right? But really, it's just fear dressed up as loyalty. And for enneagram, types 2, 5, and 7, you guys live in distraction in different ways than eights, threes, and ones. What this looks like for the twos, fives and sevens is you're good enough looks like over giving, over researching, over indulging. You can get so busy with everyone else's needs, the next idea, or the next rabbit hole, that you never stop to say, wait, I feel like I'm gutting myself. Wait. Or I'm drowning. The Enneagram doesn't just tell you what type you are. It reveals where you're selling yourself short. It shows you the exact pattern that makes you say, this is fine, when deep down you know it's not. And once you can see that, you can declare something totally different. You can stop gutting yourself with good enough and step into alignment with what's actually meant for you. And that's why the way that I teach the Enneagram, like a roadmap. Because, I mean, we're going to go off roading a little bit. We're going to go down trails that maybe we haven't seen before, right? I know that you are here to blaze a trail. So am I. And it's really scary to go down a road when you don't know what's waiting for you. And the Enneagram can guide you through that road and down that trail, even if nobody or nothing has gone before you. That's what going for great looks like, right? It's really, really scary, though. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I have blazed trails that nobody in my family has done before me and very often was misunderstood, misjudged, talked about. I've done it in the professional space, in network marketing. I did it. I did it in ways that nobody else did it, and nobody understood it at the time. And then they wanted to know what the fuck I was doing to have the kind of community success, growth. It was just so beautiful. And even in this space, in the Enneagram space, I am blazing a trail that's very, very different than a lot of the other Enneagram educators and facilitators out there, including the OGs. Right? Like, I know that there is a way and a call on my life to share and teach this in a way that actually gives you the right messaging. It's. It's a clear blueprint. But you have to be willing to go down that. That trail that maybe hasn't been blazed before. And that's scary. And that's what I did, honestly, when I hit my breaking point a few weeks ago and I declared, I'm done. I'm done doing this in ways that hollow me out. And it's unbelievable that in three days, that alignment showed up. Not because I manipulated it or manufactured it, but because I made room for it in my spirit, in my soul, in my time. I refused not to let good enough gut me one more day. And I want you to hear me here. Your miracle is already waiting for you. But as long as you're settling for fine, there is no room for it to land. And I just want to send a message to you because I know you might lose some people, places and things when you do this. And also, like, that might be just the room you need for the abundance, for the support, for the love, for the wealth to come in. We have to make room for it. I did an episode back in May, kind of when I was. When I relaunched the podcast as the Enneagram Edge. And I did an episode called the Elite Doesn't Wait In Line. The Elite Opportunities, the Elite abundance. The Elite support, the Elite love, the Elite friendships. The Elite health doesn't wait for you to make room for it. This is the trust fall. This is the trust fall. And I know how scary it is. And I want you to know I've got you. I want you to know I've got you. I've done it. I've done it multiple times over. I've helped thousands of people do this very thing. I've helped people consciously uncouple. I've helped People build multimillion dollar businesses. I've helped people parent differently than they were parented and break all their generational shit. I've helped people step into their healthiest version where they're in integr in all areas of their life. Now that's fucking awesome, right? And if you want to know how to master this, how to have the kind of conversations with yourself that actually move you out of good enough and into alignment, you need more than motivation. You need a map. And that's what the Enneagram gives you when it's used, right? Not as a party trick, not as an Instagram quote, but as a compass for your life. So that when you are facing the fine, this is good enough, I should be grateful moment. That's exactly why I started building the Enneagram certification that I'm doing in level one. The foundations. The Enneagram Foundation. Enneagram Edge Foundations starts in just three weeks. And inside I'm going to show you how and have you leaving with how to spot exactly where you settle for good enough. And being able to identify this in others, especially those that you love and lead. This is a game changer in business and relationships and parenting. You'll be able to declare what you're actually here for and feel really good about it. And you will build the muscle to know and act as if it's already happening, even before you see the fruit. This is something that I'm super proud of in the work that we'll do together. I don't sleep on this, you guys like if at all. You want to know how to communicate better with yourself, with others, to handle conflict resolution within yourself and others, to break some of these patterns that yes, maybe kept you safe, but are chipping away at the calling on your life. Now's the time. So if you're ready to join me, the link is in the show notes on Instagram, all the things. So it's going to be fun. We start September 3rd. Four weeks live with me. Lots of one on one time with me. I'm keeping it very, very, very small this first round on purpose. So if. If you've ever wanted to work with me, this is probably the best way to do it and the most cost effective and prob. In depth. I'll go with you. My curriculum is robust. The workbook, the textbook that I've built, I'm just really, really proud of it. And I can't wait for you to experience how to use this tool to really transform your life. And every life you touch and go from good to great because good enough is the slowest death. I want you to declare what you're here for, know that you mean it, and watch what shows up. But I'm really excited to take this journey with you guys and stay tuned because there is a lot more really juicy shit coming. If you love this episode you got something out of it, please share it with somebody else. If you have not, I don't ask. It's one of my weaknesses is asking for things that I really would appreciate or need. But if you do listen to this and you haven't yet already, please leave me a review on any of the platforms so that more people can be exposed to the work that we are doing here on the Enneagram, Edge and beyond. I'm really, really excited for what's to come, and I'm excited to do it along with you. Until next time.

And that's a wrap on today's Dive into the Edge. If this episode hit you in the gut or lit a fire under your ass good, that means it's working. Here's the deal. Transformation is not a checkbox. It's a damn decision. And the Enneagram, it's your ultimate power tool when you actually know how to use it. If you loved today's episode, share it with somebody who's ready to stop playing small. Subscribe, leave a review, and if you're really feeling brave, shoot me a message and tell me what cracked open for you. Remember, your Edge isn't something to be polished down. It's part of you that was always meant to lead. Until next time, stay sharp, stay true, and keep walking. Your edge.