E277: How to Take Your Orgasm to the Next Level with the Four Orgasm Amplifiers

I'm hearing women ask for the next step, and I'm also starting to kind of get curious about what is that next step for myself. I haven't found anything that I personally want to explore, but I am starting to think about like, hey, what else is my body capable of doing? Can it get better than this? Like, what else can I explore and experiment with? Hello and welcome to the Pillow Talks podcast. We're your hosts, Vanessa.

And Xander Marin.

I'm a sex therapist with over 20 years of experience.

And I'm just a regular dude. We share the ups and downs in our relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours.

Make sure you subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you'd had. If you're a woman, tell me if you've ever had the experience before of having an orgasm that just felt like it hit you like a freight train.

Comes out of nowhere.

Like, all orgasms are good orgasms for the most part, but sometimes you have these ones that just hit you and you're like, what was that? Why was that so much more intense, so much longer, more powerful than my normal orgasms? This is a That's a pretty common experience, and most women that I've talked to said that they don't know how to control that. It sort of feels like you're playing the orgasm lottery every time. Like, which one am I gonna get this time? Like you're playing the slot machine. You're like, okay, which one am I gonna get this time? Is it gonna be the run-of-the-mill? Like, again, totally good. Nobody's complaining. An orgasm is an orgasm. It's great. But it feels like this game of chance that you're playing.

The old O-slots.

The ocelots. And also, these orgasms often feel like they're frustratingly far and few between.

They're fickle.

Few and far—

Few and far between.

Few and far between.

Some fickle little orgasms.

You don't get them very often. It's like this nice surprise when it happens. You're like, why can't that happen more often? I'm speaking from plenty of experience myself. This was my story with orgasm for a very long time. So we are going to break it down for you in this episode. What the heck is happening during those orgasms? Why it's not actually just luck, not the O-slots, as Sandra weirdly just called it.

You gotta stop playing the O-slots. 'Cause I mean, honestly, I, I've, I've been on the receiving end of this experience over the years with you. I've seen so many of those where it was like, oh my God, what just happened to you? That sounded incredible. But recently those much bigger experiences have been way more consistent and way more common. Definitely, you've graduated from the slots. Now you're counting cards. You're counting orgasms, girl.

I don't know if I like this metaphor. This is a weird one.

You started it. You started it. But no, honestly, from a partnered perspective, it has been extremely fun to get to watch and experience you having these really next level type of experiences, not very close to every time. It's been really cool.

So let me walk you through my orgasm story to set this up, because a lot of this episode, like Xander's alluding at here, a lot of this episode has been inspired by my own personal experience. So I learned how to orgasm on my own, but I could not for the life of me figure out how to get there with a partner. And this went on for years and years and years. I started faking orgasms pretty early on because I was so embarrassed about this. And it felt, honestly, it felt even more confusing that I could do it on my own, but I couldn't get there with a partner. I think, you know, if I had never been able to have an orgasm, that obviously would have felt really challenging too, but I think it would have made a bit more sense. Like, yeah, I can't do it at all on my own or with a partner. There was this weird frustration of how is it so simple and straightforward for me, but I just Like when I'm on my own, but when there's another person there in the mix with me, which ultimately is like what I wanna experience a lot more, all of a sudden it feels so much more challenging.

Yeah, I imagine in your head you're like, it should be easier.

And this went on even as I started studying to become a sex therapist, starting to do internships and working with practitioners and starting to train, and that added this extra layer of shame on top of all of it, that like I'm pursuing a career in this field, I want to help people, with their sex lives and I have this dirty little secret that I can't actually get there with a partner. And I think it also goes to point out how difficult it is to find genuinely useful resources when you're struggling with orgasm. Like, I read all the freaking Cosmo magazines. I was doing all the, you know, Google searches in incognito mode and then the only stuff that I ever found was the same generic advice that every woman who's ever struggled with her orgasm has always seen. Like, just relax. Just let it happen. Don't think about it. And like, but that— I'm like, okay, I'm trying those things, but that's not an actual— it's like telling somebody who's trying to learn Spanish, like, yeah, just don't think about it. Just relax. Just let it happen.

Just let the words flow out of your mouth.

Have a glass of wine and stop thinking about it. You're like, okay, but what do I do to like do this skill? So I finally had this really shitty experience of faking with a partner. I realized in that moment, like, I cannot do this anymore. I am resolved once and for all to finally figure it out. So I kind of embarked on this little journey to figure out what I actually could do, specific techniques and tricks and experiments I could try to actually get there rather than just trying to let it happen. And it unfortunately took a lot of trial and error, a lot of patience, a lot of communication, a lot of frustration, but I did, happy ending, eventually get there. Yay! And my own personal experience with orgasm really motivated me to help women in this area. I was like, I do not want any other woman to go through this. I want women to be able to have practical tools and resources for learning how to orgasm. So in 2014, I created Finishing School, which was the very first online orgasm program for women. And now, 12 years later, which is so crazy, finishing school has taken thousands of women from I can't to I can every single time. And I will admit, I got like— I've had so much fun on that finishing school journey, like teaching all these women, getting them to have their first ever experiences, like on their own, with a partner, like women who'd never had an orgasm before, women who were in the same situation as me, like being able to get their own their own but not with their partner, women who were having orgasms but they were inconsistent, or they could have it with a vibrator but in no other way.

And tons of women who could have sworn that they were the only person in the world who was truly broken.

Oh yeah, I mean, we all, you like rationally know.

We all think we're special.

Yeah, you rationally know, like, I can't be the one and only person out of 7 or 8 billion people on the planet.

But I definitely am.

But you feel it. I definitely felt like I was the one and only woman struggling with this. So, I mean, for years I just focused on that. Like, let's take women from I can't to I can. And eventually I realized there's another step here that I'm missing. Like, so many women went through finishing school and they said, like, I've had this incredible experience. Like, what's next? I wanna keep learning from you. Like, what can I explore next? And I'm like, Well, that's it.

Keep having sex.

You did it. You did it. And it was coming from a place of excitement. Like, yeah, I love my orgasms. I'm having them every time. I want to explore more. And I just had nothing. I had nothing to offer. It was like, well, finishing school is like— I poured my everything into that.

You graduated. You got to get off campus now.

And so I started thinking, well, what could be The next step. And at the same time, I started seeing, you know, it's been 12 years. Like, now other people are starting to, you know, talk more openly about orgasm, create more orgasm content. And I was seeing other people start to teach, like, different kinds of orgasms and more intense orgasms, and just doing it in a way that I didn't really vibe with personally. And I don't wanna put anyone down. I appreciate anybody who's working in the field of human sexuality, anybody who wants to help people have better sex and more connection. And obviously, we are all so diverse and looking for different things and different approaches that no one method is gonna fit everybody. So I appreciate that there are a lot of different perspectives now, but I just started seeing some of this content and feeling like, It doesn't really vibe with me personally.

I think that one of the big challenges in this space of talking about sex is that you kind of see there's a lot of extremes. Like, there's a lot of it either can sound really, really clinical and academic and boring. And a lot of people see that and go, okay, that's not for me. I'm no interest in studying the academic aspects of sex. On the other end, you will see a lot of people where it's like, it almost takes on a spiritual nature.

Mm-hmm.

Like spiritual sex, tantra, something where it's like you're devoting your entire life to a sexual practice. And that's awesome for people who want to do that. There are some people that want to do that, and that lights them up, and, and they find meaning in that. And hell yeah, that's great. that that works for you. And I think that we have to acknowledge that that is a very small slice of the population. And there's a lot of people, just everyday regular people, that see those 2 extremes and say, well, I guess focusing on sex just isn't really for me, because like, I'm not about to devote my life to it. I'm not about to become an academic. Like, I guess, you know, all right, whatever. I guess I'll just focus on other stuff. And it's like—

Yeah.

But there's like 95% of people in this middle bucket where it's like, we're regular people that do have sex. And the more sex, the better sex that we have, the better our life is. But yeah, like not very many people kind of speak in a way that makes sense to those people. And that's what we try to do.

Yeah, I think that's a really great point. And, you know, we fit into that box ourselves too, into that, you know, middle group where, you know, as much as we love sex and we, have in a lot of ways devoted our entire lives to it. We also don't. We don't want sex to be our whole life or our whole identity. I don't wanna be wearing the goddess robes and the big chunky jewelry and we move to the jungles in Tulum and we just—

Tulum's over, babe. I don't know, have you been on Instagram lately? I cannot get enough content about how Tulum is over.

It's like, yeah, having sex for like, 6, 7 hours every day. And again, I'm being a little bit silly here, but I'm genuinely not trying to shit on anybody. If that brings someone joy, and it does for some people, it totally does. Like, yeah, I want this to be my whole life. I get so much joy and excitement and creativity and all the things. I love that for people. It's just not us.

Yeah, no, I mean, I'll go halfway around the world on a 10-day boat trip surfing 3 times a day because that lights me up and brings my life meaning. And most people would be like, you are insane. Like, why would you do that? That is insane. Like, you're pushing your body to the limit. You're like, you're hurting, you're injuring yourself. Like, you're getting, you know, all these things. Like, that sounds miserable. And I'm like, oh yeah, no, give me another 10 days.

So I did, you know, I did start wondering eventually, like, Okay, you know, I'm hearing women ask for the next step, and I'm also starting to kind of get curious about what is that next step for myself. I haven't found anything that I personally want to explore, but I am starting to think about like, hey, what else is my body capable of doing? Can it get better than this? Like, what else can I explore and experiment with? Because even though that initial period for me of like trying to explore how to get to orgasm with a partner, even though there was a lot of shame and frustration, there also was a lot of excitement in unlocking that finally. And so I started thinking about, yeah, what's the next step for me too? So I started going deep into research, looking at different ways that different people teach sex, doing trainings, all kinds of stuff. I mean, I'm such a learner. I'm a lifelong learner and always trying to really get into it. So I started trying things that I was learning about. I started coming up with my own random, like, what if I tried this? What if I tried that? Using myself as a guinea pig. You didn't even know I was doing it for a lot of time. Now I do. Practicing some techniques.

Now I do.

And I started having some holy shit experiences. Whereas before, having that, like, Whoa, where did that come from? Orgasm, that was like a, you know, maybe a once a month kind of thing. It started being, you know, a once a week kind of thing, and then an every single time kind of thing. And I unlocked this level of pleasure that I didn't even know existed. Like, I felt blown away by how much my capacity for orgasm has expanded. And this is speaking as somebody who You know, has spent so many years of her life like studying orgasm and being this orgasm expert and teaching it to thousands and thousands of women. Like, if I can unlock a new level of pleasure, like, I know that that is possible for every other woman as well. So that is what we wanted to dive into in this episode. Like, really the main thing here is like there's a There is a big difference between knowing how to orgasm and knowing how to shape what happens when you do. I do think in a lot of ways orgasm feels like— it's like we get— we can— we control how to get there, but I think a lot of us feel like once we're there, it's like out of my hands. It's just something's gonna happen. But there is a way to control the something that is happening.

I also just have to jump in and say that I kind of alluded to it, but Just, yeah, being on the other end of that experience is incredible. It has up-leveled our sex life a lot. Just seeing you in the lead-up to it, in the middle of orgasm, when I can tell that it is really a really serious good one, like, that brings me so much pleasure. And I think also, I think a lot of men will relate to this, like, Watching your partner experience a lot of pleasure adds a lot to my experience. Like, there will be times where I don't even think that I'm particularly close, and then I will see you start to orgasm, and then it's like, boom!

Game over.

Game over. Like, good luck trying to watch this happen and not get there myself. And so, yeah, you can imagine that if that gets double, triple as good, and you are getting to see that happen, unfold in front of you, that really like it. I mean, it is like energetically, I am picking up on what's happening and it is actually causing me to have better orgasms as well.

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Get locked in.

We get really good at it, we optimize it, we get efficient, and that is a really good thing. Again, like I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad about this at all, because it was great to learn how to orgasm. It's great to figure out like what's the most efficient way for me to get there.

And that was us, that was like, that was our sex life.

Yeah.

For a while, sort of towards the beginning of our relationship, because early on we definitely, we had some conflicts. We had some misalignments in terms of orgasmic timing, misunderstandings around orgasm. And so then to kind of overcome those, we focused a lot of attention on, okay, what do we need to do to ensure a great experience for Vanessa every time? And then once we started having that consistently, then it was like, okay, this is what we do. This is what we do. This is what we do. Yeah, and it's cool to be able to recognize that and be like, oh, we don't have to do that anymore. We can open up the playbook a little bit.

So before we get any further into the actual techniques of how we do this, I wanna say that step 1 is reliability. If you can't get there consistently on your own, with a partner, in the specific ways that you wanna get there, that is what you have to focus on first.

Yeah, none of these techniques, nothing that you're gonna Yeah. Is going to help you get across the finish line the first time.

Yeah. So if you're not there yet, like, we're not saying stop listening to this episode. It still can be really helpful as like a preview of what could be the next step on your journey.

A little motivation for what's possible.

Yeah, just like kind of knowing that this exists and this is a possibility, like, can be really exciting.

And this can be a great reason to actually be like, okay, I gotta go back a couple steps and really lock in on some of the basics, the reliability stuff.

Yeah, and if you want support in that, that is exactly what Finishing School is. is all about. I'll say more about that at the very end of the episode. But orgasm, the main point I want to make about orgasm is that it is the release of accumulated arousal. So the orgasm is not like this separate event that you achieve. It's like the discharge. That's actually a tough word to use.

The culmination.

The culmination, that's a better word. It's the culmination of everything you built up Yeah, I mean, discharge, I wish it was—

discharge is really the ideal word because it's like, it's, you know, your output is a sum of all the inputs that you have, right? So I think what you're, what you're kind of saying is like, I hate to break it to you all, but like, you're not gonna, in 30 seconds, you're not gonna achieve like a 10 out of 10 earth-shattering orgasm. Right? Like there has to be a number of things that go into it before you have enough, you've gathered enough, like, I don't know, orgasmic currency to blow your load on the slots or, you know, on the big prize.

So there are things that you can do before you reach the orgasm to help you accumulate more of that energy that then you're gonna give off. And there are things that you can do during the orgasm itself to help Release more and more and more of that energy that you have accumulated. So I wanna start with something that I call the arousal scale. And this is super simple, like a 1 to 10 scale where 1 is nothing at all and 10 is like the most arousal, pleasure, and excitement that your body can produce. A 10 is like peak 10 outta 10 orgasm. So the arousal scale can just be a really great, super simple tool to help you Notice where you are in that process. So a super simple thing that you can start doing is just notice where you feel like you are on the arousal scale. The next times that you're having sex, the next orgasms you have, just think about like what kinds of numbers on that 1 to 10 scale you would put on it. Okay, so let's get into the real meat of it. What specifically is it that we can do to alter our orgasmic experience. There are 4 amplifiers to orgasm: intensity, duration, multiples, and pathway. So we're gonna go through all 4 of them. Okay, let's start with amplifier 1, intensity. This is how strong an orgasm feels. So what we're, you know, this is I think one of the main things that people are talking about when we're talking about like having that next-level orgasm. Like it just feels so much more intense. Than the other ones did. Like, if you think about that arousal scale, maybe you're like, yeah, my orgasms typically feel like a 6 or a 7, but like, what would it be like to have a 10 out of 10 orgasm? It's just that feeling that it's like it overtakes you, time stops in the moment, you're just like this full-body sensation, you can like feel it minutes after it's passed, it like even hours after it's passed, it like stays with you.

Mm-hmm.

So the main trick behind the intensity amplifier is to get yourself to the highest possible point before the orgasm even starts.

Mm-hmm.

It's like building up as much energy as you can so that you can release as much energy as you can. So I think a lot of, like we said, you know, a lot of people of all genders, like we treat orgasm as this destination. We get really like efficient at doing it. But that efficiency can sometimes be the enemy of the intensity. Like, the things that we're doing to make orgasms so reliable can cap how big the orgasms themselves can get.

Yeah, because I mean, I think everyone has experienced this. If you— not everyone, but like, if you regularly have quickies, you're— the strength of the orgasm that you're having during that quickie is probably not that intense, right? Like, I could just Pound it out and come pretty quick. And the amount of pleasure that I felt on the way to that orgasm is going to be so much smaller than like more of a normal time that we would have sex, or especially compared to like a time where we're taking our time more. So like the amount of pleasure I feel on the way there, and then the orgasm itself is probably gonna be one, fairly quick, and two, not very intense. But you know, the times where we are spending longer, we're kind of letting ourselves get. You know, feeling better and better and then taking a little break and then better and better, right? Like, you have that experience of, oh, okay, yeah, I'm climbing a lot higher. And so, yeah, usually the outcome of that is going to be a lot bigger.

So you're actually, you're kind of mentioning one of the 6 levers that you can pull in the intensity lever. One of them is like the arousal runway, is that how long are we giving ourselves? How high are we climbing on that arousal scale? Before we have the orgasm. But the other 5 are other little, like, tricks that you can do to increase it as well. It includes sensory play, throat activation, breathwork, tension architecture, and strategic edging. So for the next, like, few times that you have orgasms, here's my little task for you. Like, don't change a single thing. Just notice.

Mm-hmm.

How long are you actually spending before you reach orgasm, and how high on that arousal scale do you think you're actually getting? A lot of women, when they start paying attention to this, are kind of surprised by like, oh yeah, I'm not, I'm not really like creating much energy for then to be expelled.

Like, oh, so, so are you kind of saying that it's like, okay, yeah, I'm like getting there, kind of like at a 6, and then I'm like Almost like squeezing the orgasm out rather than like, rather than really savoring the experience, which is understandable if your experience in the past has been that orgasm is this fleeting, fickle, challenging thing, right? Where it's like, oh, as soon as you kind of lock onto like, okay, yeah, yep, that's feeling good, that's feeling good, then you just kind of go down the rabbit hole of like, all right, that's all I'm focusing on, and then boom, we're there.

Yeah.

And I mean, the same, the same can totally be true You know, for me, it's like I notice that more in situations where, you know, every now and then there's, there's situations where it's like I'm not feeling as much sensation as I usually do, or maybe I'm just like in a weird headspace or something like that, and it's like not happening the way it usually does. And in those situations, it's like if you can just kind of like lock on to like that one, you kind of do one thing, you're like, okay, yeah, that kind of feels good, and you're just sort of focused on that one thing, then it's like. Yeah, I didn't do anything that was really, that merited like having some kind of big experience.

Okay, amplifier 2 is duration, which is how long the orgasm lasts. So on average, a typical female orgasm lasts somewhere between like 2 and 20 seconds, and most of the intensity is like in the first half of that, and it kind of like tapers off over time, and then it's over. But instead, imagine an orgasm That like feels like it stretches on longer and longer and longer, that you're kind of like rolling through rather than it just fading away.

Yeah, I've been noticing a lot of this recently, which is very cool where, yeah, where it's almost like I'll be like, oh, is she coming? And then a while will go by and I'll be like, oh wait, no, maybe like maybe she wasn't. And then it's like, oh wait, no, she's been the whole time. Goddamn it.

And this is another thing that I think so many of us think is just chance or luck. Like, yeah, sometimes the orgasms are really short. Sometimes they feel longer. You just don't know what you're gonna get. But there are specific techniques that you can use to make the orgasm stretch on for longer. And really what it comes down to a lot is working with your breath and your pelvic floor. In reality, a lot of women, once they start orgasming, will clamp down on their breath and their pelvic floor in a way that actually shortens the orgasm.

Interesting.

So if we can play with those 2 variables, we can actually start to expand the orgasm. So that's another thing for you to notice with your next few orgasms. Like, what does your body do? Try to see if you can pay attention to this, and it is a little bit tricky 'cause you're like, you're in that moment just trying to savor it, but just notice like, What is it, just notice without judgment, what is it that your body is doing in those moments? Is it gripping, pushing, pulling, holding your breath? Like, what's happening in your body? Just notice what is happening. Okay, amplifier 3 is frequency. This is where we talk about multiple orgasms.

Mm-hmm.

So instead of just one and done, Imagine being able to have them over and over and over and over again.

Jealous.

So here's really what this comes down to. This is something that really only women are capable of experiencing because men have what is called a refractory period. After you have an orgasm, your body is not capable of having another one right away.

Well, I mean, you release a Well, it's not a neurotransmitter, prolactin, right?

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of hormonal and neurotransmitter type of stuff that happens. And just, yeah, physiologically, your erection goes away. You usually can't get it back immediately. There are definitely tricks that men can do that take a very long time to try to shorten that period. But in general, the door closes for a man.

You know, it is wild that the pharmaceutical industry has not discovered some kind of drug to counteract counteract the refractory period in men. That is wild. I feel like that, that is a trillion-dollar market right there if anyone can figure it out.

Yeah, it is shocking with how much more science.

Yeah, they're like, they're like, yeah, we can give you a boner on demand, no problem, but we cannot— we can't get it back for you after you come.

Yeah, because, yeah, because a lot of it is— I mean, there's— it's a drop in dopamine, drops prolactin, increases. So you would think, yeah, you would think that there might be some like some sort of pill that would come up. Anyways, so women, we don't have this refractory period. Our bodies are physiologically capable of having another orgasm right away. I do want to be clear though, like I do, you know, to me paying attention to the science and the research is important. It's also important to acknowledge that there's a lot of limitations. Female sexuality does not get very many research dollars dedicated to it, but we We don't have a ton of research on like is every woman capable of, like physiologically capable of multiple orgasms. We know women don't have the refractory period, so we know it like, you know, logistically should be possible, but some women do report that this is something that they like, you know, work on trying to do and it feels like their body just is not capable of it. So I think it's fair to say like most women probably can develop the ability to have multiple orgasms, but for some women it may, Not be possible. But still, like, if you want to keep going and trying for more, you're still, what you have to do to try for more is like experiencing more pleasure in your body. So even if you don't have that second orgasm, you still are gonna be able to experience more pleasure, which is always a good thing. So with multiple orgasms, it's kind of like picture a pot of water, like putting a pot of water to boil. So if you completely take that water off the burner and just like set it aside, and then you wanna boil it again, it's gonna take time to like get back up to boil versus if you just turn the burner down to low and you wanted to get it to boil again, you just turn it back up and it's gonna start boiling again right away.

Yeah, it goes much faster. The less the temperature drops, the faster it is to get it back to a boil.

Yeah, so most women after orgasm kind of inadvertently they take the pot off of the stove, and that makes them feel like kind of shut down. And a lot of women don't even try to have another orgasm. I also wanna be clear about this aspect of it too. So the thing with orgasm, we have to find this delicate balance between, it's always good and exciting and fun to like explore and see like what else are we capable of, but I also don't wanna create This message that like you have to always be trying for more, 'cause I don't believe that's true.

Well, and also it never ends logically if it's like, well then how many is it? Like what number is enough?

Yeah, but I— and I'm not even talking just about multiple orgasms. I'm talking about like your exploration with orgasm in general. Like multiple orgasms is actually a perfect example for me personally. I explored what do I need to do with my body to have multiple orgasms? How do I keep going? How do I have more of them? And it was fun to explore that. I definitely discovered that I am capable of that. And what I realized is it's actually not my thing. Like, I tend to have the— like, my first orgasm is my best orgasm. And I feel fully satisfied and complete and done with that first orgasm. And I actually found that, like, chasing additional orgasms Even though, you know, again, it could feel fun sometimes to do it, but it also like didn't feel as satisfying to me.

Because then the successive orgasms would be smaller and smaller than the one that you had just had, right? And then you end up kind of being left with like, not a letdown, but sort of like, oh, that wasn't really— like you didn't go out on the high note, so to speak.

Well, even I have had that experience though, of like having the other ones, you know, have been bigger at times. And even then it was just like, The actual experience wasn't that enjoyable for me. So, I just want to be so careful here in saying like, I don't want us to think about orgasm as like a series of circus tricks that you have to perform. It's like, I want every woman to explore her orgasm, to get curious, to see what else her body is capable of, but I also want every woman to ultimately be the authority in her own body in saying, yes, that feels worthwhile for me to explore. No, I don't really love that and that's okay. Like this is not what we're going through here. This is not a checklist that like every single woman has to go through every single thing. So the main thing that gets in the way with having multiple orgasms is post-orgasm clitoral hypersensitivity. It's quite a little mouthful there. But I think most women have had the experience of like right after you come, your clitoris feels so sensitive. Like if your partner was using their hands on you or going down on you, like you wanna push their hand away or push their head away right away. It's like, oh my God. Like, don't touch it.

This is exactly what happens to men too, often with the penis. It's like, it's not like a blowjob, I think is one of the best examples, is like right after you come, there's almost like, whoa, like don't touch the head of my penis, please.

So the trick for multiples is really being able to figure out the specific way to manage that hypersensitivity, where it's not something that you can just like push through. We have to like navigate it, kind of ride the waves of it. So your task is to notice your own hypersensitivity pattern after your next few orgasms. And there are a couple of dynamics, like a couple variables to look for, like how long does that hypersensitivity last and where do you feel the hypersensitivity? Most women feel it like pretty directly on the clitoris, but some women will feel it across like their entire genitals. So notice like how long does it last and where is it located for you. For years I wanted us to be eating more seafood because I know of all the incredible health benefits of eating seafood, but I was really struggling with finding a good source for where to buy high-quality seafood. So a couple of years ago, when Wild Alaskan became a Pillow Talks podcast sponsor, I could not have been more excited. They offered the best way to get wild-caught, high-quality seafood delivered straight to your door. So they come with these individually portioned fillets. They're vacuum sealed Super easy to prep. They have no GMOs, no antibiotics, no other additives. Every order supports sustainable harvesting practices and Alaskan fishermen whose history is tied to the region and practice. And they have incredible varieties of fish: sockeye salmon, coho salmon, Pacific halibut, which I think is my personal favorite, Pacific cod, Pacific rockfish. We make everything from Like fish tacos, little fish nuggets. We've made salmon burgers, like so many tasty things. And everything that we've tried from Wild Alaskan has been absolutely delicious. They also come with a money-back guarantee, so you can try your first box absolutely risk-free. Go to wildalaskan.com/pillow for $35 off your first order of premium wild-caught seafood. That's wildalaskan.com/pillow for $35 off your first order. Thanks to Wild Alaskan for sponsoring this episode. That brings us to the 4th amplifier, which is pathway. This is where orgasm gets routed through your body. And this is another one that I wanna be super careful and considerate in talking about. So let me explain what I'm talking about here first, and then we'll like get into the nuance. So pathway is about having orgasms from different kinds of stimulation. Things like the G-spot, the cervix, the nipples, the anus, even things like squirting too, like having that experience. So let me be super crystal clear. When it comes to female orgasm, the clitoris is the fastest, easiest, most reliable, best Best path to orgasm. The same way the penis for men is the easiest, fastest, best, most reliable pathway to reach orgasm.

Yep, no one's arguing on that one.

Yeah, like both of these body parts are the center, the pleasure center for their respective genders. They are biological equivalents, actually. They're made out of the same tissues, and it is It's so important to me to show the clitoris the utmost respect. The clitoris is the only part of the human body in any gender that exists solely for the purpose of pleasure. The clitoris has like just an incredible amount of sensitivity, an incredible amount of nerve endings. It's one of— I'd say it's the coolest part of the human body. And one of the things that has bothered me so much in my own journey with orgasms is seeing the clitoris get disrespected. A lot of the content that you see online now is about like having, you know, G-spot orgasms and squirting and cervical orgasms and vaginal orgasms, and like they're so much better, they're more sophisticated, they're signs of being more like sexually liberated, and the clitoris just gets shit on. We actually did an episode recently, 274, where we talked about, like we went into all these different dynamics around, It was all about being able to like orgasm from penetration alone. So definitely make sure to listen to that episode if you haven't. That was an interesting one. But yeah, again, I just wanna be so super clear. Like when we're talking about female pleasure, we are talking about the clitoris. It's important for us to respect the clitoris. It's important for us to love the clitoris and to give the clitoris all the attention. That being said, I created this amplifier and I explored this personally myself because I think all parts of the human body are really cool. And I do think it's interesting to explore like, yeah, where else am I capable of feeling pleasure? How else can I have this experience of orgasm? What else— where else are there other areas of sensitivity in my body? So it's like, it's exploring it from a place of curiosity. But not exploring it from a place of, I have to do this because it means I'm, you know, a better person, or I'll be more liberated, or the clitoris is a crutch that poor repressed women have to lean on. Like, we're showing respect for all parts of the body, and we're not hierarching them.

Yeah, the goal with this is to explore just for the sake of exploring, not for the sake of being like, Oh, so I can finally stop having these dumb clitoral orgasms.

Yes, exactly. So another thing like that's also really important here is that in a lot of ways the clitoris is still involved.

So yeah, that's the inconvenient truth for all the, you know, all the people that sort of advocate this orgasm hierarchy is they do not want to acknowledge what does the clitoris actually look like What is the internal structure of the clitoris? And is it actually being stimulated when you're actually stimulating the G-spot or the cervical area? Like, no one ever talks about that. Well, hmm, the clitoris is actually pretty close to there in some people, and that's probably the people that are reporting getting a lot of pleasure from these things.

Yeah, definitely go back to episode 274, 'cause we did a whole deep dive on that. But a lot of times, like, you think it's a different kind of orgasm, But it's still the clitoris being involved in one way or another. The other cool thing that you can do here is something that I call layered orgasms, which is where you're layering different pathways on top of each other to have an even more explosive, over-the-top experience.

Well, yeah, which surprise, surprise, you were talking about at the very beginning that sort of arousal level, right? If we can get higher on the arousal level, The general, like, we have a higher chance of having a much bigger orgasm. And what better way to get higher on there but then layering a bunch of different things that we know work for us.

And I also want to set some expectations here too. Like, I want every woman to explore every part of her body and see where she's capable of feeling pleasure and maybe even feeling orgasm from. But we don't have specific research showing, like, is it possible for every woman to have tons of different kinds of orgasms or orgasms from stimulation of different parts of her body. So, and also all of our bodies are so sensitive. So like cervical orgasm is a great example. There are some women having stimulation of the cervix feels really good. For other women, it feels awful, even painful. And again, if we come at this from a place of like curiosity and exploration, I think that's the best route. If you come at this from a place of like, I have to have a cervical orgasm, And then you start touching your cervix and you're like, oh my God, this actually feels really painful. And then you're trying to push yourself through to it 'cause you feel like you have to have this experience. That's terrible versus if you're just approaching it from a place of curiosity of like, hey, can I feel pleasure from my cervix? Oh, nope, doesn't seem like I can. Okay, I'm gonna respect my body. I'm gonna respect the signals that it's giving me and I'm not gonna push myself to do that. So one thing for you to notice here is I named 4 specific spots like the G-spot, the cervix, the nipples, and the anus. Which one evokes the most curiosity for you? Which one would you be most genuinely curious, not from a place of pressuring yourself or feeling like it's better, you have to, you're supposed to. What are you genuinely curious about exploring? So when it comes to having these next-level orgasms, like the real transformation isn't actually the bigger orgasms themselves. It's the choice. It's like feeling like I get to choose what kind of experience I wanna have. I can help shape the experience that I have. And it comes down to something really simple. It's like just knowing your own body really, really well. And for me, that was one of the best parts of all of this exploration that I've embarked upon. Like, I've found some things that, you know, they were fine, but I didn't really care to explore again. I found some things that I really loved and felt really transformational, but ultimately it just felt like I got to know my body in a very different way than I ever have before, in a much more comprehensive, much more nuanced way, and that has been such a joy and has brought me so much excitement. Okay, so if you've been listening to this episode and thinking, okay, that all sounds great, but like, how do I actually do this? Then we are so excited to share with you our brand new creation, Advanced Orgasm.

See here.

Something that I've been working on for a very long time. I've been having so much fun exploring and developing and creating. So it is based on these exact 4 amplifiers. We wanted to like give you the full framework so you understand, you know, exactly what is behind it. And it just gives you a lot of different options to explore. So this is not like you have to go through every single thing. You have to check off every single box. This is like, here are all the options in front of you of things that you can explore. What do you want to go to next? So we are opening up our very first cohort of this, and we are going to go through it live together. It's gonna be open until September 16th, but there will be like one group of us, and it's private and anonymous. Nobody's gonna know who you are. But we are going to do 2 live support calls. to help you answer your questions, to give you more personalized coaching and feedback and support. We're actually doing these together because we've found doing— Xander's been doing the Finishing School calls with me the last few times we've run versions of Finishing School because women really like being able to hear the partner perspective of just like, yeah, what is this like as a partner? How do I describe this to my partner? How can I make this request?

Mm-hmm.

We've had lots and lots of requests for Xander to continue being a part of it, so we're like—

Here I am.

He's just gonna be a part of Advanced Orgasm. Okay, and again, to be clear, to join Advanced Orgasm, we wanna make sure that you are having consistent, reliable orgasms on your own. If you are not there yet, that is no shame to that whatsoever. Again, I was there myself for very, very many years, but if you're struggling to orgasm, if you can only orgasm under specific conditions, or like really specific ways, then please do not buy this. Finishing School would be the better fit for you, and you can find that at vmtherapy.com/orgasm. We will put that link in the show notes for you as well. But if you are consistently orgasming, able to, you know, have them whenever you want one, and you are finding yourself wondering like, yeah, what else is my body capable of? How much better could this get? This sounds very interesting. I want to explore this. Then Advanced Orgasm is the perfect next step for you. And this is really a toolkit that you can return to again and again, again and again for life. Like, I want to make that so clear because like I was saying before, like, I really don't want orgasm to feel like these circus tricks that we have to do. Like, oh, I have to do all this stuff. I have to check off every single box. Like, this is meant to give you— it's a buffet, and you get to go through the buffet and see, hey, that looks really interesting to me. Ooh, I'm gonna try that thing. Oh, I'm gonna try that thing. And then, you know, you take your plate and you go, and then you come back to the buffet at a different time.

Yeah, you know, everything settles, you're hungry again, you're like, oh, I could get a couple more things. Let's try that one. Let's try this one.

Yeah, so it's a ton of options for you to explore, and you can come back to this like all throughout your life when you go through different seasons of life. You know, our bodies change, our preferences change, and these are tools that you can just keep coming back to over and over and over again to keep learning your body, getting to know yourself better. We also have a 30-day money-back guarantee the same way that we do with finishing school. We want you to, you know, go through it, give it a genuine try. If you feel like it's just not for you, then we will refund you every penny. So you're fully protected. You have that, you know, have that there guarding you. If you want to check it out, we would love to be— for you to be a part of that first cohort. We're so excited to kick it off. Off together. So you can go straight on over to vmtherapy.com/advanced. That's vmtherapy.com/advanced. But be sure to join us before the 16th because that's when we close and that first cohort of us all get started together. All right. Well, thank you so much for listening and make sure to join us again next week. We release new episodes every Thursday.