End Inner Conflict and Make Success Inevitable - with Ryan Christensen (#155)

There's a concept in hypnosis we call the critical factor. It's a barrier between the conscious and the unconscious mind. Basically, it's the critic, right? The one who decides true and false. And it judges truth or false based on what you already believe, unconsciously what you feel. So if the feeling is I'm not good enough, the feeling is the insecurity. That's the truth against which everything else is being compared.

Ryan, straight off the bat, what does it mean to have winner? Peace?

Winter peace is kind of that marriage to me of success and fulfillment and mental clarity and peace. So often we feel like we have to choose, right? We're like, you're either hard charging executive, you're the Alex Hermosi 24 7, 365, grinding, rocking and rolling, and that's your life, or you're a monk up in the mountains, like just doing your thing and you don't have a lot going up, but you're peaceful, right? You're at peace. And sometimes we feel like that pain and that darkness that kind of drives us, that kind of like Batman origin story that kind of has us defined is the way, the only way that we can have the success in life and have the things we need in life. And I think that's a lie. I don't think it has to be that way at all. I think you can have both. And it just comes down to understanding what your emotions really are, redefining them away from the pain and questions and dealing with all those negative ideas you have about yourself, all those stereotypes and conclusions and story you've created around who you are and why you are, the way you are, coming to peace with all that and kind of becoming that integrated whole, clearing out all those levels of mind, getting everybody on the same page, lined up, same team, same program, moving the same direction.

And what you just mentioned there about all these beliefs where we feel that it's either hormozy or monk. Where do you feel that that all stems from? Is it something that is recent because of our culture, or is it something that we grew up with?

I think that it is something that has always been with us. I just think that previous to, like, I don't know, the 60s, 70s, 80s, life was so much simpler. There were defined paths. Like you had that American dream of like, you know, I go to school, I go to college, I get a good job. Why pick a fence? You know, married couple, kids, dog and cat.

There was.

There's a way. There was a way to succeed. Once you hit like the 80s and 90s, computers came into space. You know, you had a lot of technological change, a lot of like the social contracts in terms of, like how things were done on the corporate side in terms of employment. Everything else kind of took apart that old model. And by the early 2000s, especially after the great financial crisis in like 0709, like, all that was done, there is no social compact. There's no American dream. There's no clear path. And it put us in a place where we have to essentially strive so hard just to get by. You add in all the social media influence of like, hey, here's a million people doing this really cool stuff and they're crushing it. And this is your dream, and here's how I did it. And they're all driven by pain and insecurity. That seems to be the only way to get ahead. On the flip side, all these religious, spiritual, meditative practices are very much about disconnecting from the world, right? I grew up Catholic. The world is based on vile, you're sinners, you're screwed. Maybe if you're lucky, Jesus will forgive, you get to be heaven. But that's really where you want to be because this is all a mess, right? And so there's a tendency to want to dismiss and move away from and leave behind like the sort of secular space in the real world in order to have that spiritual place to where you kind of have to choose and it kind of makes sense. In order to live those more spiritual lives and have the meditative life, you really have to take a lot of the distractions and a lot of stuff off the table. You know, Buddhism is about, like letting go of all these needs and wants and desires, about disconnecting from things. It's hard to run a successful business and be letting go of needs and wants and desires. But since those are the only real two narratives out there, it really does feel like a choice, right? Where either I get to be successful or I can be at peace. And there's no, there's no space between to have both.

And I suppose one good example of that is where you see someone who, especially when we see in burnout and you have someone and they're in very intense career, let's say a doctor or a lawyer, and next thing they completely does hit rock bottom and then they go on a journey of self discovery. Next thing they want to start a new life as a yogi. And next thing they realize, like, oh, I, I thought I found this inner peace as a yogi, but I have no Money. I have no income. I cannot maintain a lifestyle anymore. And they're like, oh, I thought starting my life as a yogi was going to solve everything. And it's literally they go from, from one extreme to another. And they thought they would be happier now that they're the yogi, but they're not, right?

So there's a. I talk in the book about two basic traps we kind of end up in. The first is a cage. Really easy to identify. You know, things are okay, food's on table, roof already had, lights are on, bills are paid, things are okay. But everything that really makes life worth living is kind of off limits, right? There's this huge gap between where you are and where you should be. Easy as heck to identify. The trickier one is what I call the treadmill. And this is the thing that messes up all these high performers. You got that Batman origin story you're running from, driven by that pain, that fear, the insecurity I'd like, I am never going back here. You got that thing that got you out of it, and this becomes your life, right? Whether that's your business, whether it's athletics, academics, whatever that happens to be, that becomes your life, as soon as that thing stops working now you get a big problem. This is the burnout thing. Even using this to justify why you're good enough and keep away that pain and insecurity, boom, that breaks. Now what? You're kind of sol. So you got to go down the path of self discovery, self help. You actually have to figure out what's going on and deal with the demons inside you because they finally caught up with you. What often happens, though, is that that becomes your new treadmill. Ah, this is the way to feel better. So I'm going to go on like 30 ayahuasca journeys and spend my time as a yogi. And you find that equally unfulfilling. Why? Because you're still starting to solve the same problem. The fear and the insecurity and the doubt from the outside in rather than the inside out. The way of winter pieces. Let's get down to that root thing. Figure out where the heck it came from the first place. Fix it. So now you don't have to be in that treadmill running from the pain. You get. Choice again, right? Because if you're always running from that pain, always choosing the carrot, what you're doing is a compulsion, not a choice.

It brings me back to when I first burnt out and I realized that one of my main activities that I was doing let's say to stay healthy was I used to always go for these long runs in the evening after work. And I found out that those runs were not actually serving me in any way if I was both figuratively and literally running away from my emotions. So if I had a stressful day at work, I looked forward to that evening run where I'd get nice runners high, that endorphin boost, and I'd be like, right, I feel good about myself at the end of the day. But over time, I was absolutely wrecked. I was so exhausted because of these long runs after working at 12 to 14 hour day and wondering, oh, I should feel better. Why am I not feeling better? And it wasn't until I was told to stop going for runs and instead go for an hour long walk and be alone with my thoughts and give myself some time to process those emotions that things started to click for me. So it was something that I thought was a healthy behavior like exercise, running. But it was at such an extreme that I was not processing what needed to be addressed. So I think that kind of fits in your as an example.

Yeah, it's one of those, okay. When things are not working, we always find a way to cope with it. We have to right some. It's like, okay, I'm just gonna work harder and harder, harder. I'm gonna drop that pedal to the metal even harder, go even faster, right? Because I just can't let things catch up. Everybody, a lot of other people find some other way to go. Drugs and alcohol, classic. Let me go ahead and numb myself out, let me make myself feel good, whatever that happens to be. Alcohol was kind of my always, my go to always kind of been a thing. Not really so much anymore. But that was my kind of like, okay, I'm going to have a couple drinks after work, turn everything up. Exercises are really tricky one. Oh, it's such a sneaky one because number one, oh, you're staying fit, you're staying healthy. It's a good thing, right? Everybody looks at you, say, oh, you're doing a really good job. It's its own kind of little treadmill that way. Got that carrot and stick, right. The other thing is what you're fundamentally trying to do is force is physiologically force. A certain mood in a certain state, right? You got these different neurotransmitters to kind of make you have a certain experience consciously in terms of a particular mood or particular emotional state. Fine. You're trying to change that, create an emotional state by driving the physiological reaction. But to Me, there's two pieces of any emotion. There's the thing it means, and there's the physiological cascade. If I'm afraid all that freaking stuff happens in my system where I'm getting ready to run. Great happiness is the same thing. Let me go ahead and release all that dopamine and serotonin. Well, if I'm artificially creating a bunch of dopamine and serotonin, then I have the experience of happiness, but not the meaning, which is kind of what you're writing to. I feel good. Not about myself. I feel good. I'm gonna tell myself this about myself. I feel good. Right. And so it's really easy to fool yourself into thinking and acting as if things are right, as if doing the right thing, as if things are good because the emotional state is there, or the experience of the emotional state is there without the truth behind it.

Yeah, it's like just, it's like a bypass in a way. So you're, you're, you're getting the end result, but you're still not addressing the, like, the, the root problem. It's like, yeah, same as taking painkillers or anything. You're like, oh, I can address the headache, but you're not addressing the source of the headache.

Yeah, exactly. It's like cold plunges will increase your dopamine by like 2.7 times. So does cocaine. Right. It's just another way to have that same physical. It's like you're. It's like, oh, great, I've got this running high. Great. I could have just taken like 20 milligrams. Adderalls felt the same way. It's exact same thing. You're just trying to physiologically force a particular emotional mental state.

But. So let's say we'll use the cocaine and cold plunge example where you're going to get, let's say, the same end result. But of course, you, you would assume that the cold plunge is probably the healthier habit to pick up, Right? Probably the less destructive of the two.

Sure.

But let's say in terms of other examples where you can chase, let's say this artificial bypass for the same connection you're obviously missing out on. As we were saying, that not only the thing that's being addressed, but there are other things that you could benefit from to get, let's say, the same effect. Let's just take an example. If you wanted to have a feeling of connection and, and it was okay, you can meet a real person and build a relationship with them and develop the oxytocin and dopamine hit, or you can take this little capsule or this little vial and it will give you all the same hormones. And it's like, okay, that's the easy. That's the quick fix.

Sure.

And the relationship. There's. There's risk there and there is a lot of time investment and there, there's always the risk of that. I won't get that hit.

Sure.

But at the end of the day, it's like, okay, in the pursuit of either. Is it like, okay, if all I want to do is get that hit, am I better off just to take the quick fix because I don't want to invest time in relationship, or I only want to get that hit. So I'm investing in a relationship only to achieve this end result. There's.

Yeah, let me go and throw some things out here. I think that. I think the piece here that everybody misses is the ego and the identity piece I'm doing coldplunch is outstanding. I'm an entrepreneur. I'm doing hard things. I get. I get to post it on Instagram about how much of a badass I am. I get all this affirmation and all social reinforcement, external validation because I'm pursuing it in a particular way. Same result. But I also get all this ego stroking, which is really fun. Right? Talking about, like, building connection, great. If you're going to try and build connection to make yourself feel a certain way, it's got consequences. Right? You can do the right thing. You can do the wrong thing. You can do it the right way, the wrong way, or for the right reason and the wrong reason. If you're trying to build connection to cure your loneliness and your insecurity and your fear, you're doing the right thing for the wrong reason, which means you're going to do it the wrong way. You're going to build the wrong kind of relationships. Right. You can build an unhealthy way. It's where the stuff like, go ahead and like sex addiction right there. I'm going to have those feel good feelings great. By doing all this use of stuff. Right. Or you have these toxic friendships. We're in these groups where things are really not good and everybody's kind of fake, but you're pretending because it gives you that hit that gives you that thing. Right. You have to do the right thing for the right reason. There's really no other way. Anything else. You're doing the wrong thing fundamentally. Right. Because the way you do it is to meet that underlying need that you don't understand or you're not willing to acknowledge. So you have to take a look at the reason why you're doing the things you're doing, right? Do you want genuine connection because you want genuine relationships? Because that's actually what you want to create? Are you trying to get connection to make yourself feel better? To get the validation, to get that external hit right? You really have to look at that because it's sneaky as. Oh man, it's so sneaky. It's so easy to miss it. Especially when everybody's telling you you're doing the right thing, right? That's that whole carrot you're chasing on that treadmill. You get that external validation, that reinforcement that everybody's saying you're doing amazing. So it's really hard to see that you're not doing the right thing until you listen to that little voice inside the saying, I don't know about this.

I suppose. And again, that's the, the treadmill, as you said, that people are stuck on that. It's chasing that external validation and attaching your self worth to that external validation that's especially seen a lot of play achievers is that they're chasing what looks like success. Or for me, it was even. It was like, okay, got the house, got the car, got the white picket fence and still didn't feel fulfilled.

Yeah.

And everyone around me was like, oh, but you should be so grateful for what you have, right? It doesn't suit you to look unhappy when you should be grateful. And then there's that. It's like, it's like, okay, now I feel I can't reach out for support, but because they're all telling me that I should be grateful, they're, they're guilt tripping me for looking for support.

So fundamentally, here's what's happening with that. Okay. There's a concept in hypnosis we call the critical factor. It's a barrier between the conscious and the unconscious mind. And basically it's the critic, right? The one who decides true and false. And it judges true or false based on what you already believe, unconsciously what you feel. So if the feeling is I'm not good enough, the feeling is the insecurity. That's the truth against which everything else is being compared. So what you're really doing with external validation is trying to prove that feeling wrong. I don't feel like I'm good enough. Great. I'm gonna prove that I am. Don't really feel about. Good amount of life. Okay, here's a checklist. Build A good life. And then I'll have that. Right. But if your mind is judging true and false based on what are your beliefs? Does successful match insecure? No. Does successful match I'm not good enough? No. Which means what? It's getting ignored. It's false by definition. So no matter how successful you are, that feeling will never go away because it refuses to get any evidence to the contrary. You create that life that everybody says you should have to feel a certain way because you don't feel like you should. You have the life, you still don't feel the way you should. Why? Because it doesn't match that feeling. Which is why the work I do is so focused on, okay, let's get down to why the heck that is feeling that way the first place. Let's prove that wrong. Let's change that belief deep down below so that the success does match. You can actually have that feeling. But the beautiful thing is then you don't need the external validation, because actually, true from the inside out, you don't need to prove it anymore. The only things we have to prove are things we don't believe. Believe in God. Don't have to prove it. Do you have to stand in front of the mirror every day and say, I'm a man and I am a podcaster?

No.

No. It'd be ridiculous. Why? Because it's already true. Don't have to do anything to reinforce it. So if you're trying to prove you're successful, trying to prove you're good enough by deficit means, you ain't, which means it's never going to work.

You mentioned there. Let's say using hypnosis as a tool. Does using hypnosis help to break down that resistance or barrier more effectively? Let's say if you have a lot of resistance, let's. You're questioning things, you question your successes about building evidence for yourself. Do you have to be accepting for hypnosis first? Or does the effect of hypnosis help to break down that resistance initially?

Okay, so fundamentally, hypnosis is just a set of tools that gives us access to our unconscious mind. That's. It opens the door. What you do when you're down there, that's the secret sauce. That's the art. That's the magic. Fundamentally, one of the biggest difficulties we have is we think that only one thing can be true at a time. Oh, I think I'm successful, but I feel like I don't. Only one of this has to be true at the time. No, you're looking at the World through two different lenses at the same time. Looking at the trees and the forest at the same time. The emotional conclusion you're drawing is the emotional conclusion or the conclusion from looking at the pattern over time. Narratives that run through things. So yes, you're successful now, but have you always been, you're successful in this area. What about the rest of the areas of your life? Right? So it's taking that forest view, that 30,000 foot view, rather than look at the specifics. So you can actually come up with two very different conclusions at the same time, looking at the same thing, because you're doing it from two different perspectives. Step number one, recognizing that they are both true and correct at all times is step number one. If they don't agree, you should probably figure out why. Because there's a disconnect there. There's a disconnect between how things look from those different perspectives. Now, hypnosis is a way to get down and understand where that emotional conclusion came from, how it's generated, what the pattern is, what that data set looks like. Right? And then work with it to change it. Okay? Because there's a chain of logic that created that, right? There's a series of events, a series of things that created a certain pattern, your mindset. Ah, this means this, right? But that way you have access to the whole data set, not just the stuff you consciously recall. Because we have one story about the way we are. To have these different events, things make sense, we got a story, great. That's not the whole data set. That's not the whole story. These can be very different. So this one is wrong in some way, shape or form, right? Has to be. Otherwise you'd be living the life you want and be feeling the way you want to feel. So it's got to be wrong. Hypnosis allows us to get access to what's really going on down, going on down there, Help understand it and help reframe it, change it, get everybody on the same page. Sometimes you got to be doing the work on a conscious level to create that space for that is saying, okay, I'm wrong about what I think. Like I'm wrong about the way this stuff works. So it worked the way I said it would. I'd be getting result A. I get result A. Something's gotta be off. Show me what's true.

So the hypnosis is as you said, you're changing the, let's say the existing.

Data set, but changing, no, you're changing the conclusion from the same data by using a different Set of logic, a different set of tools drawing a different conclusion. Conclusion, certain chain of logic. Great. Got to prove that old chain of logic wrong. Then you can create a new chain of logic that creates this different conclusion from the same data. Can't change the data. What's happened? Your life has happened. Right? Trying to change it means you're lying to yourself. Means you're asking your mind, hey, I can't handle this. Let me live life. Okay? You get to live a lie. That means you don't get to live your real truth.

So if someone is. Let's say, if they're. If they're seeing that sense of logic as truth, and let's say. Let's say someone. Someone has suggested to them, oh, hypnosis is an effective tool for you to break this truth, but they're not open to accepting that it's anything but truth. Does that make the hypnosis ineffective on that person?

Fundamentally, they won't. Okay. You have to be willing to do the dance. All right? Hypnosis is a voluntary process, Is a voluntary state. You have to allow me to lead you down there. You have to allow me to do the certain work. You have to be willing to face the things that you want to face. You have to allow things to be true that you don't want to be true long enough to fix it. So if you don't want to go there, you don't want to change, nothing I can do to help you. Right. Other work you need to do to create the space for that, then we can play.

Yeah, that's always one thing where people are always trying to rescue someone else. And if that person is not ready to look for the change or to get the help, then there's nothing you can do for them. It's like. It's like trying. Trying to rescue the person, but they will keep on sinking.

Oh, God. Like, that was my last major relationship. Like, her life was kind of a mess. I'm, like, here. Like, I fix people for a living, for God's sakes, right? Oh, I got all these ways I can help you, no problem at all. And she didn't want to help, so she got more and more resentful the more and more I tried. And she ended up, like, leaving me because, like, I. I can't handle you trying to do this anymore. Just go the hell away. Leave me alone. It's like, oops, my bad, right? And that's the thing. It's like you're kind of taking away their free will. You're taking. You're you're not giving them a choice. It's that same thing of doing the right thing for the wrong reason. You can't handle them being in pain. You can't see that mess. You can't not what it's like, it's hurting you to see them do that thing. So you're not solving their brain, you're solving your own. I can't handle the way I feel. Seeing this way, you've got to change it so that I feel better.

And that's the narrative that a lot of people don't see, that they put themselves in the. The hero mindset, that they're like, I'm. I'm here. I'm trying to save you from yourself. And that person says, well, I don't want to be saved. This is who I am. That's when you just have to take a step back. And then it's like, okay, do I still love them for who they are? Do I still accept them as they are? Because I can't change them. They can only change themselves. And if you always feel that you need to be like, no, no, I have to save someone, then. Then you realize that the problem is you. That you're trying to save them from something they don't want to be saved from.

And that's the thing is, like, very, very few people recognize that that's the case, right? And part of that comes down to the way we view emotions a lot of ways is we think that there's something that happened to us, right? Oh, I'm feeling sad, or this person made me feel sad. Or you maybe feel angry or something. Like, it hurts me that you're doing this right, which means you're not actually taking ownership of your emotional process and your. Your experience. I guess, fundamentally, every emotion that you experience is a signal from your mind saying, hey, I'm seeing the world this way. We're facing this kind of problem. This is what we need you to do. Which means it's your interpretation the world, period, every single time, always. You're the one that creates your emotional experience. No matter what happens out there, you're the one that creates that. So you're the only one that can change that. But if you don't believe you've got control over your emotions, if you don't believe that that's true, then the only way to control your emotional experience is to control the environment, to control the people around you and control what they do. So it's almost a survival mechanism, right, to change everybody else, to change Their environment, to control everything. Because you don't have the capacity to control your own experience. And it's too freaking painful to tolerate.

There was something I was going to mention while we're on that as well, about when you're always trying to save someone, it's after sleeping my mind now.

It's also an interesting way to like buy their affection, to buy their appreciation, to buy the validation. Right. I'm going to save you so that you think I'm a good person, so that you give me all the validation. So you give me what I want. Right. I can't provide it to myself. Don't deserve it. Great. But I save you, then you're obligated. If I save you, then you're gonna give me what I want. Right. Oh, it's so tricky. It's so, oh, it's so, so like, man, it happens all the time though. And because it's always like, it's like.

A covert messaging as well as you said, where you're trying to save them but you're not going to say to them that you're like, I'm here to save you so that you will reciprocate in return. It's like, no, no, I'm doing this all for you. And then there's just a covert messaging. In a way. It's like, I'm doing all of this for you. You should be grateful.

Yes. When it means. Which means you're fundamentally doing it all for you.

Yes.

Right. And they don't matter at all. Right. Which is. Oh, it's so. But again, the thing is like one of the things that your unconscious mind does the most. It's there to keep you breathing. Doesn't really care if you're happy. And when you're looking at emotions as pain, it also is there to protect you from emotional pain. One of the biggest sources of emotional pain is challenges to our identity and our ego. Right. So it's really hard to allow yourself to recognize you're doing that toxic stuff because that means you're a bad person. That means you're manipulative and that would hurt like hell. So your mind just says, we're just going to conceal and ignore this part because this is where you're going to get what you need. Right. So you're doing the right thing for the wrong reason or the wrong thing, wrong thing for the right reason, whatever. You want to look at it. Right. But you're doing fundamentally the wrong thing. But we're not going to show you that we can't show you that because it'd be too painful to show you that. So you're blind to all that stuff going on until it, like, really smacks you in the face. And you're like, oh, crap. And when you lose something that's really valuable, when you lose something you need because of that, that's usually a smacking face that forces you to kind of take a step back and go, oh, right. That's exactly what happened to me. It's like, oh, man. Like, I didn't even see that dynamic coming. Had no idea that was going on until it, like, smacked me in the face and made me lose somebody I really cared about. That's kind of the way it goes.

And another aspect of it is, let's say when you're always trying to save someone else, it's like you're taking away their ownership of their problem. So it's like you don't trust them to be able to do it for themselves. And you don't see it from that perspective, but that's exactly how they feel. Say, well, if you're trying to take ownership of my problem, then I don't have to take ownership myself or take responsibility for my actions because you're always going to try and save me from myself.

Yeah. Well, the other piece is you're taking away the choice. You're taking away the free will. You're saying, I'm not actually going to give you a choice about whether you want to do this or not. I'm going to make you do it because that's what I want. But the other piece is a beautiful way to never do any work on yourself. Right. If you can control your experience by fixing everybody else, you never actually have to take a look inside of what's going on with you. That's creating that as well.

That's true. It's. It's. Yeah, always. Yeah. Trying to fix other people but never looking within.

Yeah. The root cause you see a lot. You see that all the time. All the time. Sneaky, though, because it's so easy to feel like you're doing the right thing. Oh, I'm helping people. I'm solving problems. I'm making their lives better. I'm doing the right thing. Ignore the fact that I'm running from my problems. Ignore the fact I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. Ignore the fact that it's all about me. Don't worry about that.

We covered this before with healthcare workers. We saw this a lot in healthcare workers. The difference between being a caretaker and a caregiver and caregiver was coming from a place of vocation. They wanted to help other people. There are people who were kind of invalids and they could not do things for themselves. And of course they would need medical attention every hour of the day. And they can never reciprocate the amount of tension that they need. And the caretaker would do the same thing, but they would expect the patient or they would expect it from a family member who was ill to reciprocate in some way, even if it was just true appreciation or saying, well, I feel so indebted to you for all the work you do for me. And they would seek that validation as a payment and are as reciprocation for all the work that they did for the other person. And, and they, they would see in their own mind that they, it was their vocation, their calling to do this.

Sure.

But it was seeking validation from the injured parity.

Yeah. And fundamentally that. That's internal versus external locus and control. Or internal motivation, intrinsic versus extra motivation. Right. Intrinsic motivation, internal locust control. I'm doing this because this is what I choose. Because what I enjoy is because like, this is, this is who I am. Right. These days I'm, I'm definitely moving place of like, I enjoy the crap out of doing this work. I love diving in and solving problems. It's the most fun thing in the world. And when I'm done, your life is better. You go out your day, things are, you know, you came with a certain set of problems. You don't have these problems anymore. Outstanding. You'll live your life. Right. I actually like refused to do any coaching, refuse to do anything other than I do the specific process. I solve this problem. Go away. Why? Because I want to solve this stuff. This is the stuff that I'm like really good at that nobody else really does. Everybody else is probably going to be in better position than I am to tell you how to do this other stuff in life. Because I'm autistic and bipolar and like you people don't make any sense to me to begin with. Like, how you're doing stuff. Like, I'm wrong. Like, don't ask me about relationship advice. Two divorces. I'm about like, that's a mess. Like, I am the wrong guy for like 90% of stuff. This I can do everything else, you need to go find somebody else. But that's, that's one of those things. It was like, okay, this is my zone of genius. This is what I love doing. I will do this for rest of my life. It's gonna be fun, interesting, challenging work for the rest of my life. I don't have to worry about the external rewards. Gotta pay my bills, obviously, because the rework is so intrinsically rewarding. I love doing this. That's the caregiver, caretaker. I'm doing it because. Why? This is my way to get what I need from the world. Money, fame, attention, affection, love, connection, resources, whatever you want to call it. I'm doing this for me to extract from you, to get what I need. Right. There's no internal motivation. It's all external. Fill in that void.

And whether you show up as the caregiver or caretaker, it. It shows up in your body language. Even if you don't communicate it directly, people will rub off you the wrong way if you're showing up as the caretaker. And with that, I've seen people who get very resistant, or, let's say they put up their defenses when they're like, no, you're kind of rubbing me up the wrong way here. And then the caretaker gets defensive, being like, I'm trying to do this for you, and you're not being appreciative or you're not being grateful.

Yeah. Or cooperative or whatever you want to call it.

Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. 100%. 100%. And something that comes down to, you know, sometimes the patient, sometimes the client doesn't really want to do the kind of work that they would need to in order to get the change. Right. Because sometimes you got to face some ugly stuff. You got to accept some ugly stuff. You got to, like, be wrong about some stuff that you've been holding on to for so long. And, like, sometimes that's just one step too far. There's something they can't do, so they'll push back. They'll go resistant, you know? Now, the ones that do want to do this work fundamentally, but it's just too hard for them. Great. You can work with them to figure out, okay, what's in the way. Let's create some space for that. Let's figure out the blockage that we can go here. Some are just like, dupe. Not gonna go there. Okay, great, there's a door. Have fun. Go do something else. A little bit difficult in the magical field where they're coming in and they're like, can't just like, okay, do something else. But the same principle kind of applies.

Yeah. It's. It's, again, respecting people's free will. And where the. Let's say the caretaker, as you said, who is looking to Cure the person or look for the, let's say the external validation by helping someone. Then if someone was to resist their help, they're going to push to say like no, no, you need, you need this in order to work for it to go forward. You need my help. And, and if anything it's going to either back them into a corner and they're going to put up their defenses rather than being like, okay, this is the work we need to do. If you're not ready for that work, then come back when you are ready. The this is, this is what I have to offer. And it's, it, there's this fine line. Well, I'm not sure how fine the line is, but we see it like just in the self help industry where you have the people who are like this, this is what you need to move forward. And as soon as someone puts up their resistances, they're like, oh well if you don't do this, you're going to fail.

Right.

And they're guilt tripping people in the area of self help to say like, you need this to push forward and as long as you're resisting this, you're falling behind or you're going to be a failure. And they're guilt tripping people that they need to get the coaching, they need to get the self help if they want to move forward. For some people, they're happy where they're at or maybe the resistance is too strong right now and they need time to work over it before they're ready for that next step. So it's again for me, a lot of what I do is like taking a step back and giving people some leeway if they're not ready, if they're overwhelmed, okay, take a step back and you can process over time. It doesn't need to be solved in this moment. But if they're open to the change, if they're open and they're like, look, I know this has been bothering me for the past 20 years and I'm ready to move on. Okay, this is going to be raw and uncomfortable work. If you're ready to work through this, I'm here to help. But if you're not, I'm not going to push you past your limit.

Right, right. And there's a lot of different pieces around that. Again, like you go back to that idea of your mind protecting you from emotional pain. Like that's some heavy stuff to try and play with. That's really some heavy stuff to try and overcome. Right. Because every instinct in your body like Your survival mechanisms. You're like, I can't go there. Right. And that's like, okay, how do I crank down the pain? How do I make it more, you know, less scary, like, whatever that is. But you gotta, like, dig into that pain, and they gotta be willing to do that too. A lot of them. A lot of people aren't. The other piece is, like, one thing you actually kind of run into that kind of surprised me until I figured it out, was that some people won't move forward because they don't want to lose hope. Like, they've tried a bunch of stuff. Bunch of stuff hasn't worked. They're like an okay place. Like, it's. It's. It's tolerable. But if they take the shot, try this thing, and it doesn't work. It's like, well, now I'm definitely out of options down the hole. I go, like, maybe I don't get myself out of the hole that time. Right. So I've seen some people just, like, not go forward, not take the. Not take the shot, because they don't want that to fail, too, and lose the hope. Right. As long as there's still the possibility of maybe someday I'll be able to figure it out. There's enough hope. There's enough reason to keep going. Right. But you take that hope away, and, man, a lot of people just. They can't get back out of the hole.

I heard. I think it was. I think it was David Goggins who said that it's like having you're skydiving and your first parachute fails to open, and you're there struggling, trying to. To fix the. The first parachute, forgetting that you have a second parachute ready to go. And rather than cutting off the first one and going for the second one, they're afraid the second one doesn't work as well.

Yep. And they just end up burning in. And. And that's. That's a shame. But again, you have to let them do that, because quite frankly, the. That. That potential pain is just like. It's too much, you know? And sometimes there's just like, nothing you can do. It's like you kind of just have to let them live the life they choose to live because it's not up to you, you know? And maybe it's just like, they're not ready for what you do. Maybe there's something else they need to try that kind of opens the door for more space, more work. Right. That's a lot of the way. I've seen a lot of the work that I've done getting to where I'm at is like, okay, I'm just creating more space, creating more space, opening up new possibilities so I get a little further down the road, little further down the road, little further down the road. Now I can take these big leaps. Now I'm ready for this next bit of work, right? Because I created the space and created the opportunity by building that foundation, fixing things piece by piece, fixing like the biggest problem that I have at the time. If the biggest problem they have at the time is potential for hopelessness, that's probably what you fix. Rather than do the stuff that I do.

And going, let's say that the stuff that you do with the. The. Is it hypnosis? Is the, the most of what you do? Is it all based around hypnosis?

Yes, everything I do is around hypnosis. Everything is based on trying to identify and fix those, those biggest high level conclusions, right? Because a lot of, because your emotional mind is faster. Because it's that pattern matching machine. It sets the frame for everything we do, right? So if you've got this belief of like, I'm not good enough, that sucker keeps on running, even if you do this work down here. And a lot of stuff you see is like just, I'm not good enough. Showing up in many different ways, Imposter syndrome and like chasing this and chasing that. Okay? So if we can figure out what that is, why it's there and fix it. Go from I'm not good enough to I am good enough now. You don't have to fight it down here. Like not a lot of this stuff kind of goes away, right? It's not necessary anymore. It's like you got a big box in your head, million things in it. Label on the side says I'm not good enough. Typical approach. Take stuff out, put in a different box. There's a million things in there. More stuff gets added all the time. That never ends. Healing is a lifelong journey, right? But if there's a label on it, why don't just change the label? Change from I'm not good enough to I am good enough now. Everything box means I'm good enough, don't have to deal with it. So the work I really do is to get people to a place where the core beliefs underneath is that there's nothing wrong with them and there never was. There was never anything from the fix in the first place. They just got it wrong. There's nothing to heal. There never was. They were never wounded. Trauma is not really a Thing that they experienced. Right. Been in some tough situations, but that's all it was. So they never really had to heal themselves either. They're good enough as they are, deserve whatever they choose. They all have to prove it to anybody, not even themselves. Right. I take people there. Typically it takes about three sessions to lay that foundation. Sometimes you got to do some work ahead of time, sometimes you got to some clamp afterward. So there's no real way to know until we start working together. But that's what I do. And I do as a programmatic thing, I take it from point A to point B. I don't care how long that takes. You want to get to point B, I will take you to point B. But what that means is that I don't do anything else. Right. I'm not going to do a bunch of like, motivation stuff like you don't need it. You need to get out of your way so you can actually do all the things you already know you want indeed to do. It's about clearing out and aligning all those different parts of your mind so everybody's working on the same team, on the same plan, on the same playbook, moving the same direction together.

And let's say once someone let's you break an old belief that's again, a limiting belief or something that's not serving them anymore.

Sure.

And let's say that happens over one to three sessions. Over the long term, of course, when they depending on the environments that they're in. And if that belief still gets challenged, do they need to reinforce that new belief that they did through the hypnosis time and again as they go through life? Or has this has changed that block, that logic in their mind fundamentally changes.

Logic in your mind again. Your mind judges true and false based on what you. What you already believe. How can you change that from the outside in? It's ignoring all evidence that is wrong. So once we go down there and change I'm not good enough to I am good enough. You are. I am good enough forever. Because you can't change it from the outside. You have to go down and change it from I'm not good enough from I am good enough to I'm not good enough down there. Why the hell would I let you do that? There's no reason to. Right. It just, it becomes essentially impervious change. And I've got like, I am a personal testament to that because I got that place in early like 2024. I'm sorry, early 2023. In June of 2023. I found out I have bipolar disorder. I had an acute manic episode and a psychotic break. Got arrested, spent a couple days in jail. Spent about 14, 15 months trying different medications to get myself stable. Lost like 75 of my business revenue. Girlfriend left me. Like, everything fell apart. That's the kind of thing that if you're ex. That if you're dependent upon the external world and external validation, I would just crush you, right? But I wasn't. Because I fixed all this stuff. I'm good enough. Nothing wrong with me. Don't have to fix it. I'm not the problem. Just need to figure out how to navigate life. Can't really do anything about it right now because I'm in the space. I just. This is the only real problem I have to solve. Once that problem solved, then I can go do something else. It never changed how I felt about myself. Never changed my deservedness or my value, because I already figured that out. I'm good enough. Don't have to. Don't have to prove it. Which means nothing could prove me wrong, right? Didn't have to do anything to maintain that. Now, did I have to do stuff to, like, deal with the pressure and the baggage that comes with, like, going through 15 months of, like, your life just being a complete and total mess? Yes, obviously, right? But I didn't have to do anything to sustain the belief because the belief is impervious to external information that doesn't match. Right? The other thing is I'm not dealing with, like, individual beliefs of, like, oh, I'm not enough to, like, have this particular girlfriend or whatever. Those are just manifestation, individual manifestations of these larger things change the larger things. A lot of this stuff kind of goes away. The reason we're playing Whack a Mole is because, like, okay, I'm good enough to deserve this. What about this? I gotta change that. What about this? Gotta change that. Why? Because I'm not good enough. But it's still playing out in all these other ways, right? That's why we have to play that Whack a Mole of like, okay, this belief, that belief, this piece, the other piece. Oh, now I gotta do this. That's why we're stuck in that treadmill. Just like, running and chasing and fixing all our times, right? Once you change the metanarratives, once you change that larger conclusion, once you reinterpret that larger pattern, a lot of that smaller stuff you just really don't have to do anymore. And the stuff you do have to do is much easier to do on Your own, because you're just doing conscious, rational interpretations of things to match that larger pattern. That's true. Does that make sense?

Yeah, that makes sense. Because, and I love how it's just, let's say the one tool to change that. Let's say that one belief that you said changing from not being good enough to being good enough, because especially that was me growing up. That was where my whole high achiever mindset came from, was the narrative of if you're, if you're not working hard enough on the farm, then you're not doing good enough in life.

Yes.

And like stemmed everything. Then going forward, if you're not studying well enough in school, you're not doing good enough. You could be doing so much better. And the bar kept on getting risen higher and higher. And next thing it was like, okay, I'm working in this place for like 10 years. It's like, well, if you're not working to this standard, then you're not good enough. You could be doing so much better. And it's like, when, when is this going to end? Like, does the bar just keep on raising?

Yes, that's exactly what happens. It never ends. The bar always keeps running. Think about this, the idea of like, oh, it can be 1% better every day. Great. So if you're not 1% better today, you're behind. Got to do more tomorrow and more tomorrow. And if it, because if you're not 1% better than you're falling behind.

Right.

There's an obligation to become 1% better every day. Which means you're never good enough ever. It's never possible for you to be because you always be better. Right. And oh man, like, how toxic does that have to be? Right? Like if you're constantly trying to fix yourself, that means you're always broken. Constantly trying to heal yourself, that means you're always winning, means you're always broken. How can you possibly be valuable and good enough if you're broken? Fundamentally always. You can't, you just cannot have actually healthy self esteem if you're always trying to fix yourself. If you think you're broken, think there's something wrong with you, think you got to heal yourself or feel like you always have to be better. You just, how, how can you possibly be good enough in that situation? How can you possibly do that?

I, I, I think another part of that as well is when people use stress as like a taboo word. It's like, oh, don't talk about stress. When people get stressed out, that's a bad thing. Or there's people stressed out at work that makes like, the workplace look bad. And it's like, stress is a human response. It's, it's a. Not a healthy response to the world around you. If you didn't have fear, if you didn't have stress, if you didn't have anger, then it will be a problem. It's like if you're, if your body wasn't responding to these triggers, then that would be a much more serious problem. How you regulation how you respond to those emotions, that. That's a different story. But being able to experience those emotions, knowing when to, let's say like fight or flight, is there like. It's like, okay, is this a threatening situation? Recognizing it, how you respond is what, what we can address. But if people are so afraid to speak up about their stress, if they're overwhelmed, if they're afraid of something, if they don't agree with something and they're told, oh, you know, just lay low, don't speak up, you know, you'll get in trouble if you talk about that kind of thing around here. If people keep on kind of shushing people from sharing their life experience and their viewpoints, then that all gets bottled up and next thing you have a. It's like pushing a beach ball under the water. You don't know which way it's going to come up. That's exactly how it's going to go.

Yeah, 100%. 100%. And here's the thing is like one of the things I'm trying to get out there and really kind of show the world is that trying to cope with, manage and respond differently to your emotions is one way to manage it. But you're fundamentally trying to manage the output of a system. Why not change how the system works to generate things in a better way and a way that more reflects reality in terms of how you understand it now so you don't have to deal with it on the back end, right? Because if we can get rid of like 90% of this load of just coping with stuff, like, look at how much space that creates for you, mentally, emotionally, all that kind of stuff, right? And then the stuff that does pop up is actual real problems that you really need to face and solve. Right. The other thing is that once you stop interpreting, you know, one of the big changes I help my clients do is change the idea of emotions being pain to emotions being questions to where. Because that stress, that anxiety, that depression is the correct output from that part of your mind that is the correct emotions, you should be feeling in response to this pattern. Fair enough. If it's pain, you gotta run from it. You gotta avoid it. Can't talk about it, can't deal with it, gotta cope with it, gotta mess it, gotta medicate it. But if it's not pain, if it's a question, something interesting happens. Because getting what you want in life is just solving a series of problems. The hardest part of solving a problem is figuring out what the heck the problem is. Right? That's like, the hardest part. That diagnosis piece is the hardest part. So if every emotion from your mind is a question telling you the kind of problem you're looking for, that narrows that search a lot. It makes it a lot easier to find that problem, which means those negative emotions are actually helping you get what you want faster and easier. That's an incredibly powerful space because I don't have to deal with it. I don't have to run from it. It doesn't stress me out and freak me out to be in this space because it's not pain anymore, so it's not triggering that fight or flight, that physical survival response. So you get to separate that piece. Number. The next thing is, like, it doesn't have to yell at you to get your attention because you're actually listening. So the intensity of the responses tend to be a lot lower. And it helps you get what you want. So it's a good thing. And that's a powerful space to navigate from. It really, really is.

So if someone was to, let's say, use that as a. Let's say, as a tool. Let's say as recognizing a red flag or an alarm bell going off, rather than saying, oh, this is a pain. I need to numb this pain.

Yes.

They get this alarm bell. What question would you have them to ask themselves? Okay, this comes up. What should be their initial response? What should be the question that gets triggered in their mind? That to address this pain.

Yeah. Number one, the biggest rule is just get curious. All right? Your mind is trying to draw your attention to something, trying to show you something. Let it. All right, say, like, why am I angry about this? What am I angry about? Why is this making me angry? Perfect. What am I missing? Is probably the single best possible question you can ever ask yourself. Running into a problem. Banging my head against the wall. All right, let me step back. What am I missing? So I was right. All about my assumptions. If I write about how. Why things are the way they are, if I was right about how things work, I would not be hitting my head against the wall. Great. What am I missing? Start questioning all those assumptions and your mind's gonna show you. Oh, what about this? Let's go down this rabbit hole. Let's play with this, right? Just follow your curiosity, follow that intuition and let it take you where you want it to. Right? And part of one of the things I do in the book is lay out like, okay, this is what all these different emotions mean. This is the kind of question you're asking, right? Which means you know what to kind of look for. But it also means that your mind can now solve problems at a lower level of mind. Part of the reason all this stuff bobs bubbles up to conscious awareness, because they don't know how to answer that question down below, right? It's like your mind is a company, consciousness is a CEO. The rational mind, emotional mind seems to mind the different teams underneath that are doing different things. Great. If your mind doesn't know what to give that emotional mind when it's running into one of these problems, it has to ask consciousness for help. It has to go to the boss. It doesn't have a choice. So once you start reframing things from pain to questions, you start teaching your mind what these questions are. Now they can coordinate stuff down below a heck of a lot easier. They can solve a lot more problems at those lower levels. Right? You empower them to do that, which means less stuff has to, you know, bubble up to your conscious awareness, which means your emotional state, emotional logos, way down, kind of get in the state of like, you know, so you're going to present like mental clarity, general sense of, well, being. Like that's your baseline state and you don't have to do anything to maintain it because stuff's being handled. Start getting stressed. Why? Because stuff's getting overload. Great. Time to step back. Let me take a look at priorities. Rack and stack. We're good now. Awesome. Rock forward. Feeling anxious, huh? Something's coming up. What am I missing? Oh, that's great. That's what we need to take a look at, right? They become incredibly useful signals. They don't have to be intense because it doesn't have to scream at you for help. A lot more stuff gets handled. A lower level mind, you don't have to do anything to maintain it because your mind is trying to find ways to work at optimal efficiency all the time anyways. You just gave it a beautiful tool.

I like that. Get getting curious with yourself. These are the tools that people always overlook being like the simple, the simplest tools, the ones that are Right in front of us. And people always overlook being like, oh, that's too easy. Oh, I. I need, I need something that I need a complicated system, something that's going to cure everything, a cure all. It's like, no, just get curious with yourself. Yeah, start from there.

Oh, my God. So did a lot of plant medicine stuff in my journey and one of the kind of like capstone experiences I had was one where I was on dmt, you know, basically like blew off, hung out and like the creator, like ceased to exist for a while. Came back. And the thing is, I came back with this answer. I'm sitting there, the next thing I'm aware of, like, I'm. I'm on my knees, curled up in a ball. I am laughing hysterically, can't stop laughing. And the thing I kept on saying over there, over again was like, it's all so freaking simple. Because when you get it, when you actually understand it, it really is. I said, it's that Bruce Lee quote. You know, when I was a beginner, a punch was just a punch, and then in the middle, a punch was a hundred thousand things. And when I was a master, a punch was just a punch. But you got to go through that complexity to really kind of get down. That's like, ah, this is really, this is the nugget. This is the key. This is the lever, right? Because when you figure it out, it really is like so frighteningly simple. Oh, they're not paying their questions. Oh, I should be leveraging this way. Perfect. Off we go. Right? It's complicated because we don't get it. It's complicated. We don't understand what's really going on. We're looking the wrong place, we're trying to pull the wrong levers. Right? Try and fix somebody who's got diabetes, get, get to get them weight, lose weight when they don't know they're diabetic. Really freaking hard. Once you realize, oh, check, here we go. Right? But it's that diagnostic piece of like, what is the actual problem is? Keep on asking questions. It's complicated. You don't get it yet. Keep going. There's other layers. There's things you're missing, there's assumptions you've got that are wrong. There's a perspective you have that are wrong. Great. Keep digging until it's simple. Because once it's simple, you're off the races.

Yeah, I think when people make it over complicated, it's because they're putting up, let's say, a higher barrier of resistance to doing the actual work, just think, oh, no, it's too complicated, I don't have time. This is going to take up so much. The complexity of this and all the steps will take up so much time that I don't know where to start. But when you give someone something as basic, I'm giving you one step, I'm giving you one question, I'm giving you one task that you can do that will take 20 seconds in the morning. Just one thing, you have to, have to, and you make it ridiculously simple and take away all other, let's say, barriers of starting. And even then they will still have this resistance. It's no longer about how complex it is. It's just again, their own mental resistance or own mental limiting belief to say, this is why I don't want to get started on it, or I don't want to address because I'm afraid of what might come up.

Right, right, yeah, definitely. And the other piece is like, sometimes we get so in the weeds to try and figure out all the nuance because number one, that's very comfortable for us. We feel like we've got a sense of control. It's like, oh, if I just get detailed enough, I'll understand like that one lever they need to pull to make everything better. But if you look at like, try and chart out human metabolism. Great. Let's get down to how ATP works. Figure out how to like lose weight knowing how ATP works. Go right. Trying to like get that deep in a weed, in a complex system and then try and work your way to. The result is like, you can't get there with really complex systems. The way you handle them is by understanding how the system kind of works at a high level in a general way and use very simple rules to navigate that until things stop working and then you start drilling down another level. Got it. Working great. Now you can back. Back up. That doesn't work great. Drill down, drill down, drill down. But you're drilling down into the system to find the nuance that's. That's wrong. Fix that. And then backing back up to the higher level thing. Right. You want to use the most simplistic abstract model you can at any step of the way. Because that's the simplest, easy way, that's the fastest, that's the most effective. You start digging in and getting more complicated until you find the thing. It's like, oh, it's this thing. Why? Because that's a simple answer. Fix that. Great. Back up to where it's more simple again. Right. But it's that thing of like going back in and you know, down and back up, trying to stay at that high level because it's the fastest, most efficient until you actually need to do that thing as opposed to trying to like stay down here and manage all these like 87,000 moving parts. No, most stuff's probably working fine, let it work fine until it doesn't work fine and then get curious until it works fine.

I love that, I love that. It's, it's just, yeah, it comes up time and time again where people always over complicate things or to say this is like my 12 step system for everything and it's like, no, we can take this down to, to one to one tool or let's. I know people who have a 100 tool toolkit and it's like, oh, I'm going to throw 100 tools at you. And whenever you have a problem you have to just pick, pick this problem solving tool or pick this anti anxiety tool or pick this. And it's like, okay, you've given someone 100 tools but they're never going to open that toolbox, right. It's like, but if you can give them one place to start, one fundamental place to start for almost everything then and because they'll be using that for almost everything, they're going to become a master of that tool or they're going to become confident in using that tool and they'll know, oh, I can just pick up this one too. It's not, it's not a cure all or fix all or quick fix tool, but it's a start. It's somewhere that I know I can start confidently and where it takes me it's, it can go in anywhere but at least to start, it's a start in the right direction.

So if you kind of back up and look at that whole trees, forest, you know, emotional rational perspective we're talking about like the ration, the emotion was like I'm not good enough. Gets applied all these different situations and you have to fix each one. Right? That's why we have 100 tools because we see them as a hundred different problems when it's really one problem. Right. But the same principle applies where it's like I'm very much a systems over goals, principles over rules. Because if we get the principle right, if I can nail that, then I can apply it in any situation. I have to have a million different rules. I got one principle that I applied to different, different things, got a system, it's going to inevitably produce results that I want probably even better than I can possibly imagine, rather than trying to set goals, because goals you're inherently limiting yourself to one potential possibility, ignoring all those. So I got a very simple set of things that I believe is going to give me everything I could possibly want in life more. All right, I've got a goal, I've got a. A mission and I've got a navigation system, right? Think of it as like a North Star, like a boat to take you on the journey and a navigation system, all right? That North Star is like that, that. That overriding, overarching thing that pulls you forward. Like for me, that's that pursuit of greatness. Greatness is my goal. That's my North Star. That's where I'm going. Was it look like. Dunno. We'll see when we get there. I probably never will. Because the North Star is not a destination, it's a place to aim for. That boat, that vessel that takes you there, that's my mission, right? It's the thing that I feel like that's the thing that I'm built in life to do that's going to take me in that direction. My mission is to end human suffering, unleash the fullness of human potential to the maximum extent possible for me to engineer this lifetime. I figure if I'm working that this can take me in the direction of greatness, right? But now you need a navigation system, need a way to make sure you're still on tours. And for that, three simple things. Be your authentic self to the maximum extent possible. Listen and get curious. That first one is the hardest because if you don't like who you are, can't be your authentic self. Trying to be somebody else. Not being your authentic self. Got a bunch of stuff to prove yourself. Not being your authentic self. Which is why that creep, you know that that deep work is so critical so you can actually be your authentic self every step away. Be the best you can, right? But the goal is to be as authentic as possible. What that means is you're acting in alignment with the deepest version of you. That's most true. The next thing is to listen. Got all these different parts of you, emotional, rational, instinctive consciousness, you know, all these different pieces and they've got a different compass. They're on right. Instinctive mind, physical survival, pleasure and pain. Emotional mind. Talking about good and bad and right and wrong. Rational mind, how do things work? True and false consciousness. Should, should not want and don't want. Great. Everything line up. Putting in the same direction. Perfect. You're on course, keep rolling. But at some point, one of this is going to get squirrely. Something's going to come up. Start feeling something, start thinking something. Because one is saying, you're off course. Great. At which point you need to do step three. Get curious. Trying to show me a problem. Great. What's the problem? Help me see it, Help me find it so I can fix it. What am I missing? Right. Three things. North Star mission navigation system. Be your authentic self. Listen, get curious. Why does it have to be more complicated than that?

That's exactly how it is. It's just like, people always try to complain.

Why does it have to be complicated?

It's like. But no, there has to be more to this. If there was more to it, would you still get started? Mm.

And the thing is, how about I.

Give you these three steps and you can go from there?

Yeah. And the thing is, like, is the application to any particular moment in time gonna be complicated? Yes. Absolutely. Are navigating these challenges can be complicated? Yes, absolutely. But the principles behind all that, pretty freaking simple. And if the principles are high level principles, they're good, they're working for you. You're probably gonna be able to navigate whatever comes up in their way anyways, because there's no way to predict it. So you can't have rules for every situation. Right. So just get the principles, apply to the situations as best you can. Start running some problems you don't know. Great. Start digging.

Thank you, Ryan. This. This was absolutely, like, spot on of just like just cutting the fluff. Just cut the fluff. And it's like we, we, we, we can, we can keep, we can keep this pretty simple and keep it to the point and.

Yeah.

That we do. Like, our minds just work in a way that we just, like, try to overcomplicate everything.

Yeah.

And that's just our minds, let's say, working against us and, and like just self sabotaging in a way that it's like that, you know, like when we, when we tell ourselves that we're never good enough or things are more difficult than you're trying to make them out to be, and it's like, no, no, it can't be this simple. And this is why you can't do it. And your mind's trying to justify it in a way. But when you give someone a simple system and say, this is how you can get started, you don't need to overcomplicate it more than this.

Yep.

And if you get stuck in the way, you can always reach out for help. There's no reason why. It's like, I'm giving you these three tools and you're on your own. It's like, no, it's like, I can give these three tools, but if you need assistance, you reach out for assistance. If you need support, if you need accountability, you always. You can always reach out to someone. No one is on this journey on their own.

Yeah. And what I would say, one of the interesting things is this idea of, like, oh, I'm over complicating it, and that's like, getting my way. It's like, actually, the over complication is you fighting your mind. You don't like this answer, try to make something else. I'm gonna get as complicated. And because it gives you a sense of control that gives you things you can do to fight that sort of thing. It's like, no, actually, you're fighting yourself. The over complication is you trying to make it work harder than it has to be because you don't like the answers or you're trying to make them different. Right. Once you accept that this is truth, then you can actually sit down and do the actual work. To go from point A to point B, you have to start at point A. Starting anywhere else, you're lying to yourself. You're not going to get there. But that means you got to own the truth of point A first. And that's often the hardest thing to do. But if you're willing to do that, things get really easy.

So, Ryan, your book, winner, Peace. It's available on Amazon. It's available on your website, or let's say I'll throw all the show notes anyway, because I thought. I really thought that. Winner, winner piece. It was just to the point. I loved your. Your preface with the. The inspiration from Russell Brand.

Yes.

And it really, really got to the point of, like, yeah, what was it he was doing? Like cold plunge and like, hot.

Cold plunge and yoga and cold and yoga and prayers and meditation. All this stuff and Brazilian Jesus just to feel, okay, okay. It's like, oh, my God. Right? And Steve Bartlett's like, is. Is that like, is that the best we can do? I'm like, no, it's not. We should not have to do that much stuff just to be okay. There's like, why don't we fix the stuff that's driving all that? Like, never have to do this stuff again.

Because, like, I remember, like, it. This was like, always, like, on social media, like, even three or four years ago. And it was like having the, like, the the winning morning millionaires mindset routine. And it was like, okay, you need to do your, your hot and you're cold and swim and you're run a marathon and have your mushroom coffee and your nootropics and all these blends to start your day. And then you sit down and you do like four hours of deep work. And it was like, oh, wow. I was like. And it's like, but you have to do before 5am.

There'S this great clip I saw as a tick tock clip. It's like these two people going back and forth about performance. Like, yeah. So I get up 5:00am and do a run and they say, oh yeah, 5:00am it's like I'm up at three. Oh, five. It's like 5:00am Second run. Oh, three after. Okay, great. Yeah. And then what after, you know, cold plunge. You know, meditation affirmations from now. I'm strong, I'm healthy, I'm beautiful. Right. 11:00am I built an empire. Right. It's like most people don't even get started. Nap knackered. Of course. Yeah. You know, five o', clock, six o', clock, I'm here. It's like, oh yeah. Eight o'. Clock, I'm dead. I'm dead. Beat that. Yeah. Nine o'. Clock. Resurrection. Cold plunge. Get back at it. Just like. And this is like that, that, that whole cycle of just like having a one up. It's like, oh my God. Right? That becomes its own treadmill. That becomes its own ego thing. It's like, man, just let it go. Just be you. Just be authentic, domestic, possible. Just be you. Stop trying all this other stuff. Just figure out who you really are. Be that.

It's just like, it's so funny just seeing the, let's say, the chase of all of that. I love that part where it was like, it was like 7pm die. He's like 9pm resurrection. Daily affirmations.

Cold punch.

Always just trying to one up. It's like, oh, but I'm the better, I'm the better one for getting all my affirmations in building an empire.

Yep. It's absolutely crazy. Absolutely crazy.

All right. There's a similar one. What was it? His names escaped me. It's Ed, Ed something. And he, he's on. But like he, he goes through three, three days in one day. He's like, yeah. So he's just like. It's like 6am to 10am is one day. Then 10am to 2. 2pm is another day. And then 2pm to 6pm is another day. So I've done three days of work in one day. So by like at the end of the year, I've done three years of work and you've only done one year of work. And then there's like, awesome.

So you've done 12 hour days. Awesome. That's, that's. Yeah, well, plates are 12 hour days. Outstanding. Brilliant insight. Just.

And then there's like this, like the, the parody versions where it's like, oh yeah, I was like, well, every hour I do one day of work. So like in one day I get 24 days of work.

I did 24 years. In the time you've done one year. Ha. Beat you. It's like, ah, what a mess. What a mess.

Right? This, this was, this was brilliant. And again, it's just like cutting the fluff. What's a simple way that we can overcome those limiting beliefs? And yes, winner piece. Definitely recommending this to everyone. Just the change of mindset alone and unlocking those limiting beliefs. And it's, it's so different to what's being taught in the self help industry at the moment where everyone is just like, it's all this shaming and guilting stuff, but like, you know, being able to access that part of yourself or even being willing to be curious to question those parts of yourself and see what that brings up is a great place for people to start. So thank you.

Oh, you're quite welcome. Quite welcome. And when you're ready to do the deep work, my website is www.ryanthehipist.com. hop on out for free 45 minute consultations. We'll dig into what's going on. I'll tell you why things are happening the way they're happening. We talk a way to get you to that place you want to be.

Awesome. Thank you, Silver Train.

Well, thank you so much for having me. It's been an absolute blue.