A Vaginal Weightlifting Coach Reveals Her Secrets On How To Train Your Body For Soul-Stretching, Bed-Shaking, Neighbour-Complaining Sex

In this episode of the Ben Greenfield Fitness Show.

This whole practice with the jade egg actually has its roots in ancient Taoist sexology practices and Taoist kung fu practices. And so there's a whole other energetic component to it. When people don't strengthen their genitals, be it male or female, they become disconnected, they become numb. And just like any other muscle in the body, if you don't use it consciously, it atrophies. After you have sex or you masturbate, you ought to feel like you want to go to the gym. And if you're not feeling that way, you feel like you want to pass out, then you've done it wr. And again, when I say do it wrong, it's about energy, not a judgment.

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Hey, folks, it's Ben Greenfield here. And I have a photo on the post that accompanies today's podcast of a woman lifting a weight plate with her vagina. And that woman is Kim Anami. And Kim travels around the world doing, among other things, lifting with her vagina, possibly more than many of us can lift with our biceps. Kim is not just a vaginal weightlifter, however. She's also an intimacy coach. And she teaches, among other things, what she calls vaginal kung fu, along with pelvic floor muscle strengthening. And she teaches how to have better sex, stronger orgasms, a host of other sexual health topics. And throughout the year, she runs online a series of courses that she calls salons that include not just vaginal kung fu, but also things like coming together for couples and sexual mastery for men. So obviously, as you've probably guessed, this is a bit of a more explicit episode. So if you're used to your kids listening in to hear about things like how to hit tennis balls faster, this may not be the episode for you, but in it we are going to cover very practical material for both men and women for enhancing sexual pleasure, sexual endurance, sexual health. However, if the acknowledgement of the existence of sex or talk about sex offends you, this may not be the episode for you. But if this stuff does interest you, and you do want to perform better in the bedroom, longer in the bedroom, or you want what I think I've seen Kim describe as soul stretching, bed shaking, neighbor complaining, sex. Keep listening. So, Kim, welcome to the show. And just to break the ice, can you tell me what vaginal weightlifting actually is?

Thank you, Ben. That was a very lovely introduction. Well, vaginal weightlifting is a form, the only effective form of strengthening the female pelvic floor. And this is a practice that not only increases strength, but also sensitivity, articulation, orgasmic potential, lubrication, the ability to ejaculate, and the long lost skill of shooting ping pong balls from one's vagina. Which is every woman's God given right.

Yes. And of course every woman's dream. So in terms of how exactly one does this. Well, I've written an article, for example, on this device that men use that I personally use called a private gym. It's a magnet that you attach to your penis and you do weightlifting exercises with it. However, how do things work on the female end? Do you use a device that you would purchase? Do you use a small dumbbell? I mean, how exactly does it work logistically?

Yeah, so I use. Mine is actually based on a 5,000 year old practice that was done by courtesans in the Empress court of ancient China. And they do something, they use a jade egg. So it's basically, it's a carved stone in the shape of an egg. There's a hole drilled through it, then you place some kind of string threaded through the hole, and then you can attach weights to the other end of it. So obviously the egg go vagina. Then you hold and contract with your pelvic floor muscles, vaginal muscles, and then you can lift different objects with that. Initially, when women start the practice, they sometimes don't lift anything. Just the weight of the egg itself is enough to start with. And then you can add weight as you go.

Okay, well what would be an example of like a brand name or something like that that someone could go look for on Amazon or elsewhere? Do you have recommendations?

Well, honestly I don't because the way that I teach it, I sell a program on my website called Vaginal Kung Fu where we explore this practice and I run everyone through a guided weekly strengthening regime. But at the same time, it's a mind, body, spirit thing. To me, it's kind of like there are some more mechanical devices out there, but they usually only have a certain capacity. They can only go up to a certain weight and then they're very kind of sterile and gynecological looking. And this whole practice with the jade egg actually has its roots in ancient Taoist sexology practices and daoist kung fu practices. And so there's a whole other energetic component to it. It's kind of like deciding you want to lose weight and going on some kind of a fad diet versus deciding that you want to change your whole lifestyle. And so you not only change and revise your diet and you know, say, have a whole foods lifestyle, eliminate junk food, things like that, then you have an exercise regime. You look at the emotional reasons why you might overeating. That's more along the lines of what I do and I coach. And so I used to just sell a mini weightlifting kit on my website. And I stopped doing that because I realized that it wasn't as effective, like just sending that out to somebody in the mail than actually running them through an eight week whole revision of their relationship to their vagina, to their sexuality. So when people don't strengthen their genitals, be it male or female, they become disconnected, they become numb. And just like any other muscle in the body, if you don't use it consciously, it atrophies. Insane statistics around women and weak pelvic floors. It's thought that up to 60% of women have urinary incontinence issues, meaning they're, you know, they're peeing without control, either through coughing or laughing or sneezing or exercising with their kids or anything. And then 50% of women after childbirth experience pelvic organ prolapse. So some part of their physical anatomy starts to literally fall out of them. And these are both stats from the Yale University School of Medicine. So, you know, this is a rampant issue for women in our culture. And it's, you know, to me it's basically this sort of like we just don't talk about it, you know, I was being interviewed by a woman a while ago and she said, you know, I know, you know, ever since I had my child eight years ago, I've had an issue of urinary incontinence, but I know it's normal, so I don't feel bad about it. And I'm like, wait a minute, it's not normal. It might be normalized, but that's not the natural state of being. My argument is that the natural state of being for any healthy vagina on the planet is to be able to shoot ping pong balls, open beer bottles and smoke cigarette if it so desires. Though I don't endorse the cigarette smoking rather than having women wearing undergarments that protect them from urination. That's ridiculous to me. And yet that's become normal because we just don't talk about these things. And women are given the absolutely incorrect advice to do their Kegels. So Kegels, the way that they're taught in modern culture, do not work. The original exercise developed by Arnold Kegel in 1947, was inserting a device into the vagina to give feedback and resistance. If you don't have those two things, it's just like going to the gym, staring at the weight rack in front of you, flapping your arms and legs around, and then leaving and said, hey, wasn't that an awesome workout? Like, no. Any idiot would know you need resistance to build strength. You have to pick up weights. And so that's the same principle with doing pelvic floor strengthening. If you don't have something to provide resistance and feedback, you will not see any difference. And so over the years, these women would come to me and be like, you know, kind of whispering shamefully, you know, my Kegels don't work. Like, I don't know what's wrong with me, as though they were the only one. And then I realized over time, they're not fucking working for anyone. Anyone. And the reason that's why, because they're useless. And the way that they got adapted is like gynecologists telling women to just flap their vaginal muscles at random. It's not doing anything. And I honestly think the source of that is that gynecologists in this day and age are so terrified to tell women to go home and put it something in their vaginas, that they just modify the exercise to the point of uselessness. Like, when Kegel started doing his work, he had something like a 90% improvement rate with women and urinary incontinence when he started these exercises. And then somehow when other doctors started applying them, they removed the piece about having a device inside the vagina. And then women immediately hit. The success rates fell by 50% and more. Right. So it's documented that you need something to provide resistance and feedback. The way that I teach it is whole mind, body, soul, reconnection. You know, where I've got women who think, oh, I've got menopause now, and so I don't lubricate naturally. Well, the issue is actually, for the most part, some of it can be psychological, but the rest of it is that lubrication is produced through circulation. And you have better circulation when you have strength in the vagina. So I've had women in their 60s who've been devastated by the loss of their fluids do my program, and within weeks they've got just. They're gushing like nobody's business because they now have a stronger and more intact vagina.

Interesting. So when it comes to Kegel exercises, do you actually think that they should not be done at all, or do you think that they need to be done along with the use of something like jade egg weights and some of these other strategies that you're talking about?

Well, the Kegel is essentially a type of contraction, right? And so if you're not doing it with a device, it's useless. No, I say don't bother doing it. You definitely have to be using some kind of device in the vagina to provid. To provide that strength and feedback or that resistance and feedback.

There is a biomechanist who writes online, has written a couple books named Katie Bowman. I don't know if you've heard of her. She talks a lot about issues that she has with Kegels, but one of the issues that she has with them is that they don't incorporate the glute muscles, which seem to be extremely crucial for pelvic floor strength and for fighting off things like incontinence, for example. So I'm curious, in addition to this vaginal weightlifting that you do, do you have an exercise program? Do you have a specific type of exercise that you do?

Well, both in the vaginal kung fu course that I teach, I actually do additional core strengthening work and glute strengthening work that will complement. Because I do believe it is all connected that area. And partly, I mean, the difference in a way between what I'm teaching and, say, traditional Kegels is it's not just the strengthening. It's about increasing that sensitivity, reconnecting to that area of the body, developing that sentience in the genitals, and reclaiming that part of ourselves. So it's not just a physical practice. And then for me, my physical exercise regime is. I do, I'd say a combination of high intensity interval training. I do pilates, I surf, I swim, I do yoga sometimes, and lots and lots of sexercise.

What would be your favorite core exercise or one of the ones that you recommend most frequently?

Well, I guess it's just a series of Pilates. I mean, I love planks, I guess. And then different Pilates exercises. Too numerous to mention, but more like mat Pilates, right?

Yeah. And planking is obviously fantastic. What about glutes? What do you do for glutes in.

Terms of your go to moves, squats and deadlifts.

Okay, gotcha. Cool. Simple. Now, I've seen you write online about how you have 20 orgasms in a row. Now, is this because of the vaginal weightlifting or do you have other techniques that you throw into the mix?

Having a strong vagina is definitely part of it because you wake it up, it becomes more, I guess you can create more friction in it, you know, and it becomes more, excuse me, sensitized and powerful. For sure that's part of it. But I'd also say that that comes from years of focusing on my sexual development. So I would say that involves clearing any sexual blocks that I would have had, exploring my body on my own, learning how to open more deeply emotionally with a partner and within myself, and how to really let go and surrender during sex. And so all of those things comb to be able to make a woman, any woman, multi orgasmic. And as I say that, I want to make it extremely clear that every woman is capable of having every single type of orgasm. Whether it's clitoral, G spot, cervical energy, orgasm, every single woman can have those things. There's people out there who pat women on the head and say, oh, they're there, don't worry if you're not experiencing this. Not all women can. I say that's complete bullshit. Every single woman on the planet can. You just need to open the right doors. And most of the time western science has no clue about what doors to open. If it can't be proven in a lab, they mean they think it can't. It doesn't exist. So, you know, it's a little more nuanced than that. When it comes to sexuality and people's emotional stuff that can't always be measured in a lab. So using my techniques like, I've been able to get all kinds of women who thought that they were just that woman who couldn't do it to have an orgasm that very day.

Now, is this related to the concept of tantric sex?

I mean, not specifically, you know, I mean, Tantra and Taoist principles definitely form a strong part of my work. You know, where there's this whole emphasis on mind, body, using the, using sex as a pathway to enlightenment and as a tool for self actualization. So that's definitely part of it because I think that the way we show up in bed is the way we show up in life. And if we look at how to open up our sexual expression that usually opens up our life expression. So we become more. I mean, and this is. I have this phrase I use called the well fucked woman. Where it's based on the idea that when someone's really. And it applies to men as well, but when someone's really receiving that level of gourmet sex, like really being seen, adored, cherished and having cataclysmic transformative sex, which I believe is everyone's ability and birthright, that we change, we become more radiant, more confident, more charismatic, more productive in the world. These are visible, tangible things that we can see that come out of having amazing sexual.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I know that my wife is a ton of fun to hang out with when we're having regular sex. Not that she's not normally, but it's just a much, much deeper connection. So I have seen exactly what you're talking about. Now how did you get into this, Kim? I mean, did you just one day begin vaginal weightlifting or did you have some kind of an experience or interest that led you down this path?

How did I get into the vaginal weightlifting?

Specifically the vaginal weightlifting. And even being kind of like a sex coach in general. Is this just something that you've always done?

Well, even from a young age I had a strong awareness of my sexual energy as this like portal, like something you could kind of step through to get to this higher state of consciousness. And even from a young age I had an interest in exploring how do people change, how do we grow, how do we become the best versions of ourselves? You know, that was always very fascinating to me. And so from my teenage years I began studying everything from health, nutrition, exercise, meditation, transpersonal psychology, alternative healing and medicine, like herbal treatments, homeopathy, all of this stuff. Just, you know, how can we optimize ourselves? And for me, sex was always a part of that equation. You know, like having amazing sex made me feel like I was becoming more of who I was. It was like the false parts of me would dissolve and I would become more self realized through amazing sex, which it often was from the start of my experiences. And then I read about tantra and Taoist sexuality in my early 20s and I thought, ah, like here's an actual language and framework where they are talking about what I'm already experiencing.

You know, do you remember what you read or do you. Do you have now a specific book you recommend?

Well, there was an article I read in a magazine, this is where it all started. And they talked about sexual energy as being this tangible energy that you can exchange and move between partners. And at the time I had this very sensitive lover and I decided I would try this experiment. And they said, they suggested this in the article. They said when you're with your partner, imagine that you're shooting energy into their body. So say you imagine that there's energy coming from your heart into their heart or your genitals to their genitals or your elbow to their knee or whatever. And so I was with him and we were kind of like preno, sort of beginning to make out and I was barely touching him. And in my mind's eye, I would just visualize moving energy from one place in me to a place in him. And he would moan every time I would do it. He would have some kind of physical or verbal reaction to it. And I wasn't even touching him. And I thought, okay, so there's something to this. And then I believe at the time, I think I'd read some of Margot Anand's work. And then some Taoist books, the Tao of Health, Sex and Longevity, I believe it's called, and then some Mantak Chia books. And then, you know, that combined with my own practices about holistic living and you know, trying to be more self aware in general, all of that just kind of congealed to become what I do now, which is I build myself as a holistic sex and relationship coach, you know, where I don't give band aids to people. I really look at how our sexual expression is a metaphor and indicative of deeper issues that we can explore in ourselves. For example, you know, when I look at erectile issues in men, I see the cock is an extension of the man. And so when the cock, when the man is performing really well in life, in the world, in business, so is the cock. And if the cock is weak and limp and not performing very well, generally the man isn't either. So there's all these amazing and beautiful metaphors that you can pick or that I work with to help people to grow using their sexual expression and, you know, looking at those messages as signs from the deeper self to heal and to grow.

Now, on your website you say that you can make love to my partner while he is on the other side of the planet. Is that what you mean the ability to connect via the spreading of sexual energy?

Yeah, like just, you know, that example that I gave that very first experience, or, you know, known experience, I guess, where I was shooting energy into my partner would be like a starting place of what I can do now where I can just Tune in. I can give myself an orgasm on the spot by tuning in to that energy and give myself an orgasm. I can tune into my partner and his energy and make love to him, give myself an orgasm and stimulate him sexually as well. So it's just, I think it's a process of becoming more in tune with ourselves and that energy, we all have it, we all have that ability to tune into it. But it's the things that we do, like practices, I'd say ongoing for me, like meditation and different forms of exercise and having a really clean diet that helped me to become more safe, sensitive to those flows of energy in my system.

I have a question for the men out there or a question that relates to the men out there who are listening in. Especially when it comes to, for example, the term that you threw around, sexercise. And I personally think that sex is a fantastic workout. But when it comes to men, and specifically the ability to have sex for hours or to, to have multiple orgasms or even to be able to just go longer, do you have specific tips or techniques or anything that you want to share with the guys who are listening in when it comes to just being able to do something like sexercise or a multi hour sexual experience?

In one word, breathe. So most people, especially men people, when they get close to orgasm, they tend to hold the breath or breathe really shallow and tighten up the body. And so all of those things curtail the flow of energy. And then it basically makes it so that any of that concentrated energy that's built up at the genitals just gets dumped out, you know, ejected. And that's why men are depleted typically after orgasm, is they've just thrown away all that high quality energy. And so the very least that they can do, which will also help with building stamina, is to breathe. And so throughout the sexual buildup, you come back to your breath. And you'll notice once you put your attention on it, that you're probably holding your breath at times. So obviously when you're kissing or your mouth is occupied, you won't be as focused on deep breathing. But otherwise you do want to be like aiming for a good, what I would call like vinyasa flow. Four count, inhale, four count, exhale, breathing deeply into the belly, into the pelvis. And then especially when you reach the 7 to 10 zone, so you're getting close to orgasm, but not quite yet at the place of going over the edge, then you want to pause and breathe. So let's say that you hit your seven, you pause do several rounds of breathing, let yourself subside down to a six or a five and then do it again. Build yourself back up, hit that edge and then breathe and do that at least three or four times. And then whether you, you know, that'll start to build up your edge and your stamina so that maybe where your edge was a 7, it'll become a 7.5, it'll become an 8 and 8.5, and eventually, and in the tantric sense of the expression, you want to be able to hover at a 9.5 to 9.9 for hours. And you can again, that's possible for every single man to be able to stay there. And for women to reach the more deep, powerful, vaginal, what I call life changing orgasms, they need to have a man with stamina. Most women need to be penetrated and made love to you for upward of 30 minutes. Once they get adept at these orgasms, it can be much less.

But initially, for this four count breathwork that you recommend, the four count in and four count out, is there any type of rule about doing it nasally versus mouth breathing or anything that would be better for sexual energy?

I mean, nasally is probably a little bit better in terms of containing the energy. But honestly, when you're starting just do it, it doesn't matter. It'll work either way, either way that you do it just it's important to breathe, period. And I wouldn't worry about much else. Once you've got become more even, integrated that into your routine, then you can focus on keeping the breath within a circle in the body, but otherwise it doesn't matter.

Now, when it comes to combining these exercise and breathing techniques with what you put into your body, from a nutritional standpoint, do you follow a specific diet or do you have specific specific supplements or superfoods that you eat prior to sex or to specifically support your sexual health?

Not specifically. I'd say it's all part of the choices I make overall. Where I've been eating an organically grown diet for the last 22 or three years, where I only, unless I'm traveling and it's just not an option. I only eat and buy organically grown food and whole food foods. I'm kind of raw, kind of paleo. Like I'm a vegan who eats fish that's caught off of a boat that I live on part time. Like if it's I know where the fish are coming from, I will eat them.

That's the ultimate mix of kind of sustainable living off the grid and Eating, I guess it's kind of like ovalacto vegan type of approach.

Yes. And then I actually do some hacking in terms of supplements that's not so vegan. So I take colostrum and whey and then I started to take the Great Lakes gelatin and collagen. I started those a few years ago. It just felt intuitively like I needed some kind of animal product, but I wasn't really comfortable eating. I haven't eaten, you know, chicken or beef or pork for probably 25 years. And so. But I. But I felt comfortable eating those supplements, so I do take those. And overall, you know, a lot of, I mean, I live in the tropics most of the year in Bali and parts of Indonesia. And so I eat lots of fresh fruit and vegetables and fresh caught fish. You know, that's probably a big piece of it.

Gotcha.

And I think that, you know, overall, though, I'm really aware of not like I don't eat processed foods. And it's in Indonesia. Like so much of the food, the natural local food has MSG in it, you know, and it's a massive exercise to avoid MSG here. Like, they even cut the table salt with msg. You know, like they'll say, please don't put MSG in my food. And then they put salt in the food that's cut with msg.

It's right there on the table and salt.

So it's just everywhere. And so it's quite an exercise. It's easier in Bali. Bali has a lot of kind of Western restaurants there that are aware of these things. But out in the remote areas where I spend time as well, it's not so easy. So I bring suitcases full of food with me, nut butters and supplements and seeds and nuts and things that will last and that are high quality energy for me.

Yeah, that makes sense. Why did you choose to live in Indonesia or Bali?

I first came to Bali about 20 years ago and, you know, before it was, I mean, it's always been on the map for a certain kind of traveler, but before it got Elizabeth Gilbert on the map and, you know, I just loved it. The people, they have a beautiful, beautiful reverence for life and they really walk their spiritual path. It's really woven throughout their everyday life. And the island's beautiful. I love that there's sunshine. You know, I believe that sun is the great healer and, and curative for many things. I love being in the salt water. I surf. You know, I like just wearing bikinis or nothing. That's Pretty much my wardrobe the whole time I'm here is bikinis and so many reasons. And I feel more at home in that culture than I ever have in North America, honestly. And there's an element of the wild west out here. You know, there's not the same kinds of left brain law abidingness that goes on in North America, which can be good in many ways and frustrating for some people who are really used to that and really need it. So there's a great opportunity to create your own reality, create businesses here, all kinds of things. Like people who just want something different in their lives than a typical North American way of being. So for me it's wonderful. And Indonesia is this wild, vibrant ring of fire. Incredible place, just so beautiful. And I mean in Sumatra, where I am right now, they still have wild ties, tigers on this island, you know, they have wild orangutans, they have wild elephants. Like it's. There's still a wildness left in this part of the world that's really not available very much anywhere else on the planet.

Interesting. Now there, there is in the biohacking health realm this concept of, among men, limiting the number of ejaculations that you have per week. There's even like an equation floating around out there somewhere about X number of days based on your age spent between ejaculation so you don't lose your sexual energy. What is your take on that?

I definitely think there's some truth to it. However, what I've seen in my work and experientially in my own life and relationships is that when men practice the breathing that I talked about, they really recirculate that breath. What it does is it takes the sexual energy that's concentrated at the genitals and, and it recirculates it throughout the body. So when you practice that breathing throughout sex and then you go ahead and have an ejaculation or an orgasm, what I found is that the energy loss for men is minute. It's substantially, substantially less. And so if you practice the breath, I don't think it's as crucial. If you're not practicing any kind of breathing, then yeah, you would be dumping out a lot of energy during ejaculation. So, you know, I'm also of the mind that like we, when I hear formulas and really rigid things like that, it feels kind of mental to me. And like we're at the power or the mercy of something else rather than we have control of our own bodies and our own domains. And so. But that's a level of energetic sophistication, I guess. But I guess overall, like I said, I find that when people do that practice, they don't lose nearly the kind of energy that most people would typically.

Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. And I think there's somewhere some type of ayurvedic philosophy that's based off of rather than like a pure mathematical equation. But I was just curious what your thoughts were on that. And it does make sense what you say about the breath and being in control of the breath without just like wasting your sexual energy.

Now I think it's, I'll say one more thing too. I think it's unconscious versus consciousness. Like when somebody is, let's say, you know, masturbating to porn three or four times or every day, like, and they're just sort of dumping all that energy that will be much more depleting than a man who has a very loving, connected, beautiful relationship with his wife. And I talk a lot about energy exchange and absorbing fluids of each other. And so when you're consciously say, taking in fluids from your partner, men can absorb the fluids, the essences from women and women from men. When that happens, happens. I also think there's very little energy loss because the energy is exchanged. So I'm talking, you know, here on more of an energetic level than just a strictly physical ejaculate level. But it's, it's as, from what I've seen, it's as valid or more valid.

So yeah, it makes sense. You can actually absorb the, the fluids from your partner through any, any parts that are touching that actually have blood flow or skin.

Yes. Yep.

Yeah, that's interesting. Now one of the things that's obviously a big part of what you teach are these, you know, longer, whatever you want to call them, multi hour or tantric or multi orgasmic sexual, you know, sessions that, that last often well into the night. Now, when you're working with, for lack of a better description, like a modern couple, right, like working, have kids, etc.

Etc.

How do you strike a balance between something like a tantric sex session and the fact that the kids are in bed, you're exhausted, and it's 10pm and you have to get up for work the next day, I mean, how do you strike that balance between getting enough sleep, taking care of everything else that you have to do and tantric sex?

Well, there's a few ways I would address that. First of all, I wouldn't have sex at 10pm at night when you're exhausted. Instead, get up an hour earlier in the morning and then make love to your partner because you're much more fresh, you've got better energy to exchange with each other and that would be for a shorter session. But I also recommend that people set aside time, they make time to have a weekly three hour sex day. So you get childcare, you arrange your schedules like I say, every Friday night from 7 to 10, that's your sex day. And it's non negotiable. And so you start literally building in that time for that marathon sex. And if you're doing it right, if you're practicing the breath breath, then you will feel energized after sex. So when I have these all night sex sessions where maybe I get two hours of sleep, I feel higher, more rejuvenated, smarter, more energized throughout the day than if I didn't have it, if I just had like a six hour, seven hour night of sleep without that kind of sex. So my barometric question is, is sex a deeply pleasurable, massively transformative, extremely rejuvenating experience for you? And if it isn't, then you're doing it wrong. And that's not a judgment, it's just to say that sex to me is also about harnessing and harvesting sexual energy. And so if you're doing it in the ways that I recommend, you will feel revitalized afterward. That's the goal. And then in terms of scheduling things, so I had a couple come to my retreat at one of my retreats last year. They are both on their second marriage. They both had pretty dismal long term marriages that were sexless, miserable 15 year type marriages. And then they got out of them and were like, wow, I really don't want to repeat that again. And aren't next my next marriage? I'm gonna really put my effort in and make it different. So they met, they connected between them, they have five children. He's the CEO of a large corporation. She also works in upper level management. They have sex every single day. So you know, if you wanted, and clearly they did, right, they came out of a place of knowing that they wanted things to be different and they committed to it. If you want it to happen, it happens. You know, I just posted a photo on Instagram where I said that the irony is that when we were busy and we're stressed, we think, oh, I don't have time to meditate, I don't have time to exercise, I don't have time to have sex yet. Those are the practices that will give you the extra oomph that you need to triumph in your life. Right. Like when I'm, you know, I. Those things are non negotiable for me. Like, I get up every single morning, I meditate. If I'm with my partner, we have sex, you know, I exercise in some form. Those are non negotiable. No matter what I have to do, they're non negotiable. And so it just becomes part of my life.

Do you have a specific form of meditation that you think is most conducive to sex?

Not specifically. I think anything that brings you inside of yourself and, you know, quiets you and directs that inner focus will help you to become a better lover because you're, you know, meditation brings you inside to confront your own self or your own demons. Sometimes gets you comfortable with tuning into your body and its rhythms. And so I think any form of meditation would have a benefit for somebody sexually.

What, what do you personally do for meditation?

I am into the idea of chanting a mantra. And I chant a word called hu. It's sung like huu. And I chant that for about 15 minutes every morning. And then I spend about five or 10 minutes in silence, just listening, listening. So the idea with the mantra, if anyone doesn't know, is that it uplifts your state of consciousness and brings you into a higher vibration so that you're more receptive and open to your inner guidance and your inner wisdom and your intuition. And so that word is actually an ancient name for God. And it's been found throughout different cultures all over the world. In South Africa, in Persian cultures, in Celtic writings. And so it's this word that meant. It's actually Rumi, you know, rumi, the Persian poet, he writes about that word in his poetry as this sound, this word that's meant to have also a higher vibration than a word like om. So I'm really into that idea of uplifting and then asking or going inside and doing visualization about what I want to create into my life. But it all starts with the mantra to focus and settle down and calm and uplift.

Interesting. And I've just completed a transcendental meditation course in which it's emphasized that the actual words, the actual mantras used, do have a specific phraseology that makes them important in terms of the way that the word itself actually sounds, either when you repeat it silently or when you say it out loud. In your case, do you find it important to actually say that word, that hu word out loud, so that you get the actual sound vibration?

I'm the way, you know, I do it either way. Ideally, yes, I find that it's more powerful to do it out loud and hear it and have that vibration, but it's still as effective to do it inwardly, like if you're in a public place. Like, the way that I've used that word is also say, if I'm in a situation, let's say a conflict, you know, with somebody, and then I'll try to remember to go inside and chant that word to bring harmony or bring upliftment to the situation. Not to change it, not to influence anyone else, but simply to uplift my own consciousness to handle it better. So it's as. And I've had it still to be very effective that way, you know, without chanting it out loud. But when I do my morning practice, for sure, you know, I find a quiet place where I won't be interrupted and I let whoever's in my space know that I'm going to meditate and then I do that practice. And to me, like, 20 minutes a day is manageable. You know, it's not like an hour a day or two hours a day. It's like, I think Anyone can find 15 or 20 minutes to sit quietly and connect.

Yeah, makes sense. A couple more questions for you. There's a website out there, I believe it's called your brain on Porn or something to that effect, that talks about how repeated exposure to pornographic imagery might exhaust our dopamine or make us insensitive to sex things. Along those lines, what are your feelings on porn?

I. I've seen that website, and I think it's fantastic. I think he brings up a lot of valid points, you know, energetically, physiologically, about the downside of porn. And, you know, I, And I agree with them. You know, I don't judge, like, you know, my, My assessments are always coming from an energetic perspective, like, does this give you energy or take away energy? Does this uplift you or does it make you, you know, create a negative impact? Impact. And so for the most part, I'd say that porn, you know, and that kind of level of masturbation tends to be very unconscious. You know, what I was referring to earlier and a dumping of energy. And rather than something that's more building and sustaining and collecting energy, like masturbation itself, isn't inherently bad. I would say it's more about the intention associated with it. And so if a guy is masturbating and he's breathing, like practicing that breathing technique that I talked about, and it's. It sounds Almost too simple to be as powerful as it is. And yet it's extremely powerful. You know, you want, after you have sex or you masturbate, you ought to feel like you want to go to the gym. And if you're not feeling that way, you feel like you want to pass out, then you've done it wrong. And again, when I say do it wrong, it's about energy, not a judgment. It's to say that you obviously didn't harvest your energy properly, right. And instead you were depleting yourself. So that's, you know, where my perspective comes in with all that. Is this thing bringing me into more conscious awareness or unconscious consciousness? Is it lifting me up and giving me energy or is it draining me in some way?

Gotcha. Yeah. And that does make sense. So what you would do while masturbating is work yourself up to that seven or eight or nine and then back off and then work yourself up again and then back off.

Yeah. And eventually that will lead to, you know, men can separate orgasm from ejaculation. And again, every single man is able to do that. And that will be that, that will lead you there or to having full body and, or having full body orgasms. And so those practices in and of themselves will make you to become, make you a better lover and also help you to tune into and harness your sexual energy.

Now another question that I have for you regarding sexual health is when you, when you wander into the average, you know, sex shop that might be selling lubricants, et cetera, or you look at the ingredient label on a lot of these every, you know, everything from sexual lubricants to, to even a lot of condoms and things along those lines. You tend to see a lot of these things that were warned to avoid in most other healthcare products like antifreeze. Yeah. Parabens and propylene glycol and all these different things, do you have some go to lubricants or items that you keep around that you would consider to be more natural, high quality ingredients that enhance the sexual experience?

Coconut oil, you know, coconut oil is a great massage oil. It's so sensual, really gliding. It makes a great lubricant. But to be honest, I actually forbid my female clients to use vaginal lubricant because I consider it to be like female Viagra. If a woman isn't wet, it's because she's not emotionally turned on or physically turned on. And so this is my holistic perspective is that you have to go back and figure out where you've Missed something. Where is she not connected emotionally or physically. Instead of using lubricant, I don't let anyone use lubricant. For anal sex. Bring on the lube. Lots and lots of lube. But for vaginal sex, I do not recommend it.

But for like, for massage, for like a woman pleasuring a man, like those type of things that you, you would say coconut oil would be your go to coconut oil.

Absolutely.

Yeah. Interesting.

There isn't, I think there's one brand which is Firefly Organics, which actually is fully pure. Most of them will be like 98% pure and then have a carcinogenic preservative in them like propylene glycol or paraben something or worse than that. And then they have these horrible, horrible things out there that are like, put this cherry cola puff puff cream on your partner's genitals if you don't like the taste of their genitals. That's just the worst advice ever. Advise people to, I want them to fall in love with their partner's genitals and like drink from the fountain of youth and energy instead of like throwing this disgusting carcinogenic cream on them because you can't handle the smell. So this is where I differ from most people and you know, in a holistic perspective is that I want people to have this fully absorbed, conscious experience with their partners. And if you're not having it, there's some kind of block there. And then the work is to uncover that block. Block, but not to put like slather lubricant on the problem or some, you know, smelly cream on the problem. To me, that's not a solution, it's just a band aid.

Yeah, I've always been a little bit wary about products like that that promise to make things taste like cherry coke or make things tingle or glow in the dark or anything like that. That's like, there's got to be something going on there that can't be quite natural.

So that, and that. I just think it defeats the purpose. Like, I love, I love the smell of my partner's genitals. That's like manna from heaven for me, you know?

Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. Now you have currently about the time that this particular episode is coming out. I know you've got a course going on. You teach these courses all year long and I think the one going on right now is the one for men. The sexual mastery for men. What exactly is that?

So this is an eight week online program for men to become more. I'D say masters of their own sexual domain and the domain of women. So I teach everything from different emotional concepts to physical techniques about either, you know, pleasing women, how to bring them to their different types of orgasmic states, including cervical orgasms, G spot orgasms. There are Taoist and Tantric sexual practices to strengthen your whole, like everything from your libido to your strength of your erection. I even teach some cock lengthening and strengthening exercises as well as pelvic weightlifting, different nutritional, high graded kind of supplement, superfood approaches. So it's a whole, you know, sexual education for men that men probably never had.

Interesting. Okay, so that one's called Sexual Mastery for Men. And then you also have one for women called Vaginal Kung Fu.

Yes, I have a couple for women. One is called Vaginal Kung Fu. That one comes out in January. The that one receives quite a bit of attention based on my global vaginal weightlifting adventures. And then one that I'm just in the middle of right now called how to Be a well Fucked Woman.

Interesting. And yeah, you certainly do have some fascinating photos on Instagram. I like in particular the one of you lifting a coconut.

Yes.

Yeah, perhaps I'll put a photo at the show notes for folks who want to see what the coconut vaginal lift looks like like along with everything else that Kim and I talk about. For you guys out there who want to look into the sexual Mastery for men course, I'll put that over there as well as the vaginal kung fu course that Kim teaches in her website. And you can find the show notes for this episode over@BenGreenfieldFitness.com Kung Fu that's BenGreenfieldFitness.com Kung fu if you don't know how to spell kung fu, you may want to Google. Google that. So Kim, thanks so much for coming on the show and sharing this stuff with us.

My pleasure.

Awesome.

Thank you for having me.

Well, folks, this is Ben Greenfield and Kim Anami signing out from BenGreenfieldFitness.com have a healthy week.

You've been listening to the Ben Greenfield Fitness podcast. Go to BenGreenfieldFitness.com for even more cutting edge fitness and performance advice.

Sam.