Biohacking Sex: The Best Tips, Tricks, Supplements & Food To Optimize Libido, Desire & Arousal.

On this episode of the Ben Greenfield Fitness podcast.

So what happens to a lot of people is that, you know, he wants sex all the time and she's like, eh. And then when she has sex, she's like, oh, I'm really glad I had sex. Some people are lucky and they naturally have Most of the 15 different kinds of orgasms that both men and women can have are learned.

These can actually help to undo a lot of the radiation damage that dirty EMFs, cell phones, Wi Fi routers, et cetera can caus. Health, performance, nutrition, longevity, ancestral living, biohacking, and much more. My name is Ben Greenfield. Welcome to the show. Check, check, mic check, 1, 2, 3, 4. I thought maybe it's worked better for me to record this podcast in a French accent because it is about sex. Sex, yes, we're talking about sex on today's show. So if you have kids in the car and you don't want them to mature by 3 years during your minivan commute to school, you may just may want to consider stopping and explaining to them what sex is and how babies are made and why people would talk about making that whole experience a heck of a lot more fun. What you're gonna learn about today show with my guest, Susan Bratton, who is a sex pert. See what I did there? She's a sexpert. And also me, who is a bio hacker, I guess you would call me. I hack sex. So Susan, just so you know, she's been on my podcast before. She did a podcast with me where we talked about, of all things, scream creams and testosterone replacement, multiple orgasms, vaginal stimulating devices, special salad dressings for better erections and a lot more. I was also a guest on her sexual Soulmates summit. There's some alliteration for you and I will put a link to Susan and everything that she does. Because she has written books, she has some very straightforward lovemaking advice, pretty fierce commitment to helping couples engage in more passionate lovemaking. And she's a real expert in this stuff. So I'm gonna talk a little bit to you about some of the best things you can do to naturally optimize your hormones for better sex or better performance or better recovery or anything else. And then I'm gonna turn it over to Susan, who's going to fill you in on some bedroom and sex biohacking tips. And again, all the shownotes for everything that you Hear are@BenGreenfieldFitness.com sex podcast. And let's start here. Perhaps the whole dark chocolate and red Wine thing is old news for you. And you've covered your vitamin and nutrient bases. You've even gotten your hands on some avant garde Chinese herbs. And now you want the fringe stuff. The best sexual exercises and workouts for a better sex life, with a particular focus on on supplements and on food choices and lifestyle choices that would boost your testosterone, which you ladies need too, by the way. I have a whole section in my book, my new book that's coming out soon. I'm gonna stop and shamelessly self promote. It's called Boundless, a boundless book. Whole section in there on women's hormone optimization and women's sexual performance enhancement. And I get into that about which hormones women's, women's, women, folk need, and that includes testosterone. So, ladies, don't fret. There's plenty in this podcast for you too. So let's just jump right in. I'm going to start with a bang. Weightlifting. Weightlifting. Specifically for your genitals. In the show Notes to this podcast@bengreenfieldfitness.com sexpodcast I am going to tell you about this friend, Jason. I'm sorry, Jordan. Jordan Gray. Jordan Gray is a relationship expert. He's a sexual coach. He first alerted me to the idea of something called a towel technique for training your sex muscles. It's literally just like it sounds. You hang a slightly wet towel over your erection and you practice repeatedly contracting your kegel muscles to lift the towel, eventually progressing to larger and more wet towels. Kim Amani, who is also Anami, if I can say names today, has also been on my podcast and she has trained herself to do something similar with women, beginning with a jade egg. She does kettlebells and coconuts, but I think a jade egg is enough for most women. And then there's also a company called Private J Gym, and they make this for guys. It's a magnetic resistance training device designed especially for a guy's junk. So that's kind of like the towel technique, but small, portable, and in my own experience, pretty effective. And it's also shockingly effective if you have like, pelvic floor weakness, incontinence, things like that. This can do a really good job training your pelvic floor muscles. Matter of fact, this makes me want to stop for a second, squeeze my kegels and my butt cheeks. I learned from Katie Bowman, when you do Kegels, you want to squeeze your butt cheeks, too. And your lower abdomen, you got to suck it all up. Okay, Tip number two is to sleep, but not too much. The majority of the Daily testosterone release occurs during sleep. So fragmented sleep and obstructive sleep apnea have both been shown to be associated with reduced testosterone levels. One study in the Journal of the American Medical association found that one week of sleep restriction at five hours of night decrease testosterone production by about 10 to 15%. However, studies have shown there's a U shaped curve. Sleep's effect on testosterone has an inverted U shaped curve, meaning your sweet spot is 7 to 9, not less than 7 and not more than 9 if you want to optimize testosterone production. Assuming you're just like the average adult and not like a pro athlete. Pro athletes can get up to 9 to 10 without it affecting their testosterone production. Same thing with like adolescents and other people who need to sleep more for recovery. Okay, the next is body fat percentage. Generally the higher your body fat percentage, the lower your testosterone. Although once guys drop below around 5 or 6% for the most part, and women drop below somewhere in the range of 13 to 15%, we see again a U shaped curve and kind of a hit against the hormones. So the correlation tends to be towards getting leaner and having good body composition. I'm often ask why that is. It's because higher fat mass increases the aromatase enzyme activity that converts testosterone into estrogen. How do you get lean fast? Here's my one quick tip. I give this to everybody who wants to get lean fast, intermittent fast, every day. If you're a woman, closer to 12 hours. If you're a guy, 12 to 16 hours. And at some point during that fasted window, let's say between 8pm and 8am, do 20 to 45 minutes of fasted aerobic cardio and finish with about four to five minutes of cold, cold bath, cold soap, cold water, whatever the case may be. And then don't skip breakfast necessarily if you're doing that late in the day, guys like don't fast longer than 16 hours, women not longer than 12, but then go have breakfast after that. So overnight, fast, exercise aerobically, then cold water. Okay. Tip number three is to train for testosterone. We know that the legs have the highest density of androgen receptors. So squats, deadlifts, lunges, et cetera. Having higher muscle mass is positively correlated with higher testosterone. And lifting, heavy lifting, explosively lifting with your legs, lifting with full body muscle groups and doing just about anything except the local machine circuit at your health club is going to be very good for hormone optimization as our sprints and high intensity interval training. Whereas a lot of endurance training, a lot of chronic cardio, I Recently talked to an acquaintance who was complaining about his testosterone levels. Although he was exercising a lot, he didn't feel like his testosterone levels were going up. Turns out he was riding his bike about two or three hours a day. That was his exercise and his testosterone was going down, not up. And that's very common with chronic cardio. Okay. Number four is to control your stress. Chronic stress causes diminished testosterone secretion. Cortisol and testosterone can compete for hormone precursors and raw materials, especially one called pregnenolone. In military studies, prolonged stress was shown to significantly lower testosterone secretion. There's a lot of things you can do to manage stress stress like meditation and nature time and breath work and some adaptogenic herbs like ashwagandha, for example, another supplement called phosphatidylcholine. But I've got one book for you that I recently read that I think is a really good book about stress and cortisol. Quick read a few cool breathwork exercises in there to decrease stress. And it is called the Healing Code. The Healing Code. I'll put links to that in the show notes as well@BenGreenfieldFitness.com SexPodcast okay, next tip number five. And I'm giving you 15 tips today. Eat adequate calories. You must be at calorie maintenance or a slight calorie surplus to really jack up your hormones because otherwise the body will conserve energy for vital processes and internal organs. So if you're monitoring things like luteinizing hormone, follicle stimulating hormone, total testosterone production, et cetera, and it's decreasing, then you may want to consider simply stuffing more food into your gaping maw and, or, and this works with a lot of athletes eating more carbohydrates. After you finish whatever afternoon or evening training your session session you're doing. Eating more carbohydrates with dinner. My best testosterone levels are when I'm eating about 150 to 200 grams of carbohydrates with dinner. And sometimes I've asked if that takes you out of ketosis. Yes, it does. But for a couple hours, I always take kion lean beforehand. So I'm a little bit more likely to manage my blood glucose properly. And by the next morning, based on my own blood ketone testing and breath ketone testing, I'm back into ketosis. I stay there the whole day, limiting carbs, sugar and starches. Then I refeed again in the evening and that gives my hormones what they need. Number six is to nail your macros. We know that chronic protein malnutrition can cause low testosterone levels and most folks, especially the type of active folks who listen to my podcast need and you can do the quick math on yourself. 0.7 to 0.8 grams per pound of protein on any of your exercise days and even on your non exercise days I recommend getting a minimum of 0.55 grams per pound of protein. And they did study plant based proteins versus meat based proteins. This is probably no surprise to you. They compared meat in a study in the British Journal of Nutrition to soy based prote and the testosterone ratio to estradiol ratio decreased significantly in the folks who got soy. So steak beats edamame hands down. Another thing that you should consider when it comes to protein is this idea of eating adequate amino acids, particularly not the branched chain amino acids which have high levels of leucine that can throw off your blood sugar and also not a whole bunch of methionine which Dr. David Sinclair talks about this in his new book Lifespan can actually shorten lifespan, but instead the full spectrum of amino acids because they should all be in your body in a balanced ratio. So use if you need extra protein in addition to like meat or other nuts, seeds, eggs, et cetera that you might be eating, consider the use of essential amino acids and also things like collagen and glycine and bone broth. I'm also, for guys who want to put on muscle, a big fan of adding things like colostrum organ meats into that equation. If you want to get jacked with high testosterone too, okay, number seven is to hydrate. We know that mild dehydration raises cortisol and deleteriously affects testosterone production. The way that I do this is I start and end every day. When I say end, I'm talking about a little bit before dinner, not after dinner because I don't want to get up and pee. But I bookend the day with a large, I mean large 32 ounce glass Mason jar that I fill with structured water and then I put a full serving of these Quinton minerals in it. Q U I N T O N these are hypertonic sea minerals with very high levels of electrolytes in it that allow you to absorb and store more water. So I start and end with that and then the rest of the day, honestly I'm mostly drinking like Pellegrino Zevia, little bit of tea here and there, some coffee, you know, some wine with dinner, etc. So I have my big servings, you know, 64 total ounces of water beginning and end of the day. And of course, make sure clean. You want BPA and phthalates and parabens and benzophenones and stuff like that. And that'll disrupt your, your endocrine production. Okay, next tip is to increase your androgen receptor density. Androgen are hormones, like testosterone, that are important for libido and for sexual performance. The more receptors you have, the better your body is equipped to respond to your hormones, whether you're a male or a female. And a few of the better research methods to increase androgen receptor density are fasting. Like, not calorie restriction, but like intermittent fasting. Like talked about 12 to 16 hours coffee before exercise increases androgen receptor sensitivity, or any form of caffeine for that matter. Explosive resistance training. Fast, powerful resistance training. The supplement L Carnitine is another one to look into that increases androgen receptor sensitivity in cells. Because it's a lipid transporter molecule, it provides more fuel for the receptors. And then two other supplements that may increase androgen receptor density are forskolin, which find in a lot of libido type of supplements. And then also creatine. Of the ones that I just named, the only one I take is creatine. And then I do intermittent fasting. I lift explosively. I usually do have caffeine or coffee before my workout. And then I lift with my legs because again, the legs have a high concentration of androgen receptors. And that works well for me. And it's just 5 grams of creatine per day. No bloating cycles, nothing like that. Okay, next is electrical muscle stimulation. And these are of course, a little more expensive to buy. They're kind of like a biohack, so to speak. But you can place them on any area where you have androgen receptors that are pretty dense, like the legs again, for example, and it enhances the muscle sensitivity to androgens. So occasionally. And I only do this like once or twice a month because it's a really hard workout. I use this new FIT electrostim device that I have. I attach it to my glutes, my hammies, my quads, and, well, basically two parts of my quads, the front of my quads and the vmo, the inner part of the quads. And then I turn it on and I do a series of squats and lunges with this thing kind of pulsing on and off, 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off. It hammers me. And I'm pretty sore for a few days. But you can feel this surge of energy that I think is probably related, even though I haven't done pre and post acute testing to a pretty steep rise in testosterone. Okay, number 10 is red light therapy. This is a horse that's been kicked to death, I think. But the use of these red light panels, or even occasionally going out in the sun to tan your genitals, standing in front of one of these joov lights, for example, which I do, I have one in my office at some point during the day, I pull down my pants, I stand in front of it, and then I also shine it on my back, 10 to 20 minutes per day. It activates some of the mitochondrial components of the Leydig cells in your testes to increase testosterone. And it's also good for increasing blood flow to those regions as well, whether you're a man or woman. So the use of red light therapy is another. Next is cold. And there was a study that they did in Finland that looked at serum levels of hormones, including testosterone in guys who were in a cold room. The testosterone didn't go up, but the cortisol did decrease, which could free up more raw material for testosterone production. We know that hot testicles, tight fitting underwear, et cetera, has been shown to reduce testosterone levels and lower sperm quality. And there's a lot, and I realize this is totally anecdotal, a lot of Chinese and Russian powerlifters who actually ice their balls after training and also before competition. There's a company called Jetpack that actually makes an ice pack for you guess it your balls. So obviously shrinkage can be an issue if you get too cold. Especially guys like you won't be able to get it up. But at some point during the day, like cold bath, cold shower, wearing loose boxers or going commando, sleeping naked or wearing loose pajamas, keeping the bed and the bedroom cold, avoiding sitting for long periods of time, all of those are favors to your balls and could increase testosterone production. Okay, the next is minerals. And this is one other reason that I add minerals, trace liquid minerals like Quinton to my water in the morning and in the evening, another mineral called boron has been shown to be able to increase testosterone and decrease estrogen levels. Iodine is another mineral that can be very helpful for your thyroid. And hypothyroidism can lead to low free testosterone concentration. So taking care of of your thyroid, getting adequate iodine in your diet is another smart thing to do. Especially because environmental halogens we're constantly exposed to like fluoride and chlorine and bromine, those can displace iodine and thyroid tissues. And also actually in the Leydig cells In the testes, there are iodine receptors in the Leydig cells in the testes. So you can kind of kind of kill two birds with one stone by including iodine in your diet and even something like, you know, like the Thorn multivitamin, for example, that's a multivitamin. Like, it has iodine in it. So full spectrum of minerals, but two particularly important ones are iodine and boron. Okay. Next are the use of these. This would be also kind of like a biohack, these PEMF devices, right? Pulsed electromagnetic field therapy. We know that the dirty electricity we get from things like mobile phones in our pockets or WiFi routers under our desks, that those can actually affect sperm quality and testosterone production, primarily by disrupting the Leydig cell population in the testes and affecting hormone balance in women. But some studies have shown that exposing yourself to pulsed electromagnetic field therapy, like putting one of these small portable devices in your pocket or laying on one of the tables, like, I sleep every night on one called a body balance mat. And then I have one called a pulse center's table down in my basement that'll like, lay on if I'm getting a massage or something like that. These can actually help to undo a lot of the radiation damage that dirty EMF cell phones, WI fi routers, et cetera can cause. You may have heard my recent podcast with Clint Ober where he talks about grounding mats and earthing mats and going outside barefoot, and that can be another effective method as well. I have not yet tried to sit naked on a rock in nature with said rock, you know, cradling my balls. But you might be able to simulate what a PEMF mat does by just getting naked in nature. Climbing a tree. Humping a tree. Okay. Speaking of humping a tree, number 14. Number 14. Sex specific exercises. Sex specific exercises. So if you improve the strength and the endurance of your hip flexors, your abdominals and your spinal erectors, all muscles engage in thrusting and circular hip motions and stabilizing your body. And kind of like a planking position or a side lying position or any number of other sexual positions. I think this is. This is underutilized. And some of the things I'm talking about, you could Google any of these exercises and find videos of them. But one would be kettlebell swing, where you're really squeezing your butt and your crotch at the top of the swing. Zerchercher squats. That's Z E R C H E R Squats. Any front plank or side plank position. Any hip Thruster or bridge type of position. Reverse hyperextension or the low back hyperextension machine at the gym. And the ab wheel rollout. I really like the ab wheel. It's a really good one. My wife's shorter than me. She uses it in the sauna. I'm too tall to use it in the sauna, but I just use it out in the garage sometimes, like between intervals on the Airdyne bike, like, do an interval, then drop and do a bunch of ab wheels and get back on and do an interval. I think that one's really good. There's also a new book by Brett Contreras. I know I'm throwing a lot of books at you, but it's called the Glute Lab. And it's also really, really good for training some of those same muscles. So in addition to those Kegels I was telling you about, you should, you should consider trying something like that. Okay? And my last one, sorry, ladies, you're going to hear a bunch from Susan. But this last tip is especially for the fellas. So there's this book called Way of the Superior man by David Dita, and it talks about how expression of male masculine essence is this primary key to being a true and complete man. And you don't want to suppress masculine activities like competition or fighting or hunting or lifting weights or, you know, caring for your woman, building a legacy, leading your family, spending time with other men. That can actually be something that is important. Important. I'm not saying that guys need to go out and be that stereotypical, like, red blooded American male who could tend to be like, demeaning to women or a little bit too, I don't know what the word would be, I guess, like rude and macho. Like, I'm personally, like, deep down inside, I'm a very sensitive kind of yin, romantic guy. But I know it's good for me to occasionally get out there and don't laugh because I know a lot of you like to like, you know, UFC fighters gonna snicker at this. But like, trade blows on the tennis court by hitting a tennis ball back and forth with guys and trying to beat, you know, with a, with a doubles, you know, going to men's doubles night on Wednesday night at the club in my town, going out and, and competing in other ways, like whether it's lifting weights with other people rather than by yourself, hunting, playing a little bit of backyard football, like that kind of stuff. It's actually important for guys to do right. We don't want to get too soft around the edges. And I probably didn't do a great job explaining everything that goes into that, but I would definitely check out that book, Way of the Superior Man. So those are all my tips for you. I will put links to kind of deeper dives into everything that I talked about. If you go to BenGreenfieldFitness.com SexPodcast and then before we turn things over to Susan, the last thing I would encourage you to do is if you haven't yet pre ordered or checked out my book@boundlessbook.com, do it because there's a massive sex chapter in there that takes a really deep dive into everything I told you and a whole lot more. So that being said, let's go listen to Susan.

Hi, I'm Susan Bratton, trusted hot sex advisor to millions. And on this episode I'm going to talk to you about libido, desire and arousal. Some people think those are three words for the same thing, but they're actually three completely different things. Libido is body based, desire is relationship based, and arousal is when the two come together. So let's talk first about libido. Libido is how you feel about your sexiness. It is your horniness, it is your lust, it is the feelings in your body that make you hungry for sex and it's directly tied to your health. When your health is bad, your libido is bad. They are two sides of the same coin. Your sexual vitality is also tied to your creativity. When you have passion for life, you have passion in your bedroom, they're really a big part of your creativity. When you are happily having great sex, it tends to fuel your creativity and it fuels your desire. And the more sex you have, the better you get. And the better you get, the more sex you want. Sex builds on itself. What's also interesting with libido is that masturbation is one of those things about, especially for the female bodied that works very well because when a woman masturbates and she masturbates frequently, it keeps, if you will, the juices running, the fluids high, and it keeps her turn on and her arousal going a little later. I'm going to talk to you about the female genital system and how you can keep her libido high using the faculties of blood flow and engorgement. I'm going to teach you about and things like that. Now, moving on from libido, we talk about desire. Desire is relationship based. Do I desire this person? Is there someone I'm attracted to? Do I Have a chemistry with this person. Are they meeting my other relationship values if they're not, if you have withholds, if you're frustrated, if you have anger, if you're holding victimhood around past betrayals, whatever it might be, that that's tamping down your desire. Often when you find that there's nobody you're interested in, it's because you yourself aren't feeling enough passion in your own life and you're not switched on to life and so you're not finding people that turn you on. Turn on is partly desire based and it's partly arousal based. Men tend to have more desire, more horniness, more body based libido lust than women do because men are testosterone dominant and testosterone, I like to call it the king, queen and joker of our hormones because it makes you horny all the time. If you have a lot of testosterone and if you're feeling like your libido is flagging and you check your testosterone levels, they're probably low. If you want to feel more high libido, you would add your testosterone. And women can add testosterone to their bodies as well to feel more libido and desire for someone. Now arousal is really when things start in the bedroom because men are generally hornier than women and women have cycles to their horniness, to their libido, to their desire. Because we are lunar creatures, we run with the moon, we run with the wolves, we run with the moon. What happens is that during our ovulation period, that's when our desire is the highest because that's when the world wants us to procreate. So other times of our cycle, we don't necessarily have that libido, that horny feeling. We might desire our partner, but a lot of women say I want to want him or I want to want her, but I don't. And that's because her libido isn't strong except for those times of the month when she feels a little bit more desire. So they want their partner, but their body is isn't asking them to have sex. So what happens to a lot of people is in a monogamous, let's just say hetero monogamous couple is that, you know, he wants sex all the time. And she's like, eh, I don't know, once a month I could take it or leave it, you know. And then when she has sex, she's like, oh, I'm really glad I had sex. That was actually really good. And then he says, how come you can't remember that you like Sex. Every time we have sex. And she's like, I don't know, it's all. It's almost like I just forget about it until I'm horny again. And that's just a super common thing. A lot of men get really mad because they say, how do I get my wife to initiate sex? And I say, stop trying, stop, like, let that go. That's not her job. She's not biologically wired to want sex. Now, of course, what I'm talking about here with everything that I say is that we humans are on a bell curve. And by humans, I mean homo sapiens, and by homo sapiens, I mean we're part of the primate family. We are freaking monkeys, right? So you have to remember that all of these things are your hormones, your blood sugar, the amount of sleep that you've had, your general health, your sexual health. All of those things tie into it. And the fact that hormone is just like straight ahead always wanting sex. And estrogen is like, la, la, la, la, la, la. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. And that's just the way it is with us monkeys. Okay? So you can't really expect that the woman is going to be the initiator. And that's why having seduction techniques, understanding how to move your partner toward more pleasure, that's what seduction is. Seduction's not, I'm going to manipulate you into having sex. Seduction. Seduction's not trickery. Seduction's not pickup and attraction type of stuff. Seduction is in a long term monogamous relationship, how do I keep moving my partner toward more pleasure? And I'm gonna get into some seduction techniques. The four keys to seduction. But before I do, let's go back to arousal. I wanted to talk about the fact that he's always horny. She's only horny sometimes. She's not going to initiate. Stop feeling like you're being rejected. Just learn how to seduce, which I'll teach you in a second. But understand also arousal. I want to finish that off. So we've talked about libido being health, desire being how you feel about yourself and your partner, and then arousal being, okay, we're. Now we're in the bedroom or we're working our way toward the bedroom. Right. So what is arousal? How do you get a woman turned on? Because she's not starting out turned on. She needs to be turned on. She needs to get turned on. And it's not like he. And I'm just going to use the masculine feminine in the, in the entire conversation. No Matter where you are on the gender spectrum. I support your fluidity or whatever it is that is your gender orientation. But I want to say that if you were born a penis owner, you are testosterone dominant unless you've done some hormonal manipulation. And if you're a vulva owner, you are hormonally oriented from an estrogen perspective. So you've got a testosterone dominant, estrogen dominant couple. Generally, in the grand bell curve, most people are heterosexually monogamous. And so you're dealing with the masculine, always horny. He gets pissed because he doesn't, you know, because he always has to initiate. He doesn't understand why she does it because he always wants sex. And so once he understands, oh, okay, she's hormonally cyclical and I have to get her turned on, then you move into arousal. And arousal is like a stair step. And you've heard of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. So what you're really doing is you're toggling back and forth between them. This is how orgasm works, too. Male and female orgasm both work by toggling sympathetic and parasympathetic nerve system. You climb the arousal ladder by first relaxation. That's the foundation of arousal, especially for a woman. She needs to feel safe, comfortable. She has to be happy with you. She has to know she's not going to get pregnant or get STIs or any of those kinds of things unless she's trying to get pregnant. And then all conditions being right, she needs to be completely relaxed. Once she's relaxed, then she can begin to want to be turned on. So often because a guy is, you know, like, okay, I'm gonna twiddle her knobs and I'm gonna grab her crotch and she's gonna get turned on. But that's the opposite of what you want to do with a woman. And I'll tell you about my bullseye touch technique in just a minute. But she needs to be relaxed and then brought up a little bit and then relaxed a bit and then brought up again and then relaxed and then brought up again and then relaxed and brought up again. She can't just be, like, driven too hard. That's what creates clitoral sensitivity where she's had one orgasm and she's done because she's been touched and handled too hard. It's a need for her to be touched from the outside and to work your way in to her sweet spot. So the bullseye touch technique. Imagine a bullseye, a target with the concentric rings, the big ring on the outside, a medium ring, the small ring, and the bullseye in the center. What he wants is for his penis to be touched pretty much right away, all the time, as much as possible. He wants you to go for the creamy center immediately because he's already turned on. But she doesn't want that. She needs to be taken up the arousal ladder. And that means starting at the of the end, extremities, rubbing her feet, rubbing her neck, rubbing her back, kissing her eyelids, kissing her cheeks, kissing her forehead, kissing her neck, then moving into the middle ring. The middle ring is her neck, her collarbone, her breastbone, the outsides of her breast, her belly, her buttocks closer in to her vulva. These are the kind of secondary erogenous zones. And then the main erogenous zones would be her breasts, her nipples, her lips, you know, French kissing her vulva on the outside. And then when she invites you to touch on the inside, that's the very last thing that gets touched, not the first thing that gets touched. Because we're kind of the opposites. The opposites. That's what creates polarity. That's what creates magnetism. The magnetism of the opposite. The masculine, feminine, the yin yang. And so once you understand, oh, my gosh, she's totally different than I am. Oh, he's totally. That's why he's always grabbing at my crotch, because he wants me to grab his penis. Oh, okay, well, I can grab his penis as long as he doesn't grab my crotch until I ask him to. Then when couples understand that, they're like, oh, okay, it's my job to lead her toward pleasure. So let's talk about seduction. There are four keys to seduction. One is small offers. The second is erotic vigilance. The third is vision. And the fourth is vulnerability. And in seduction, what either partner can do. And remember that there are females who are more sexually desirous than their male partner. So there are a lot of women who write to me and say, I can't get my boyfriend or husband to have enough sex with me. And so there are definitely what you would call age, asymmetry of desire or mismatched libido. But for the most part, if a couple has a great sex life together, where they're doing a lot of new things together, then she doesn't get bored. And that keeps her engine going, and she wants to have as much sex as he does. And when he doesn't have desire, it's often low testosterone, anger, victimhood, betrayal. Or there are the People on the ends of the spectrum, super high libido and super low libido. Some people literally do not ever want to have sex. It's not important to them. So you have to understand where your partner is on the scale. If you used to be really good together, you can always come back to that through erotic play dates, which I'll talk to you about in a minute. So with seduction, because he is a like, switch and she is the fire, he's ready. And all these things are, like, I'm telling you, the very ends of the spectrum here, right? So he's not always a light switch. He's not always the one who's gotta be kindling. And then a little, you know, a little twig or two and then blow on it and then add some more little twigs, you know. But generally you don't just throw a log down and a woman lights on fire. And generally a guy is. Is pretty much ready to go when she's ready to go. So small offers help her light her fire. When you say, can I give you a foot rub? Can I give you a back rub? Would you like me to hold you on the couch? Would you like to go for a walk after dinner? Can we have cooked dinner together? Do you want to take a hot tub? Can I pour you a bath? Would you like a glass of wine? Whatever those things are, those are small offers. When you start getting her to say yes to small offers, you can up the offers. How about a sensual massage? How about an expanded orgasm date? How would you like me to give, you know, give you whatever thing that you like? What you're doing is you're essentially working her arousal ladder. You're starting from the outside and making small offers. And you're working your way into the creamy center by doing larger and larger offers. But you're always giving your multiple choice. Do you want a foot row, a glass of wine, or to go for a walk? You're not just giving her one offer, you're giving her a series of small offers. And what's great about that is when she starts to be able to pick from one. We all like multiple choice. When she starts to pick one of those things, she's saying yes to you. What you want to do is string together a series of yeses. And the way to do that is by understanding where she is. That's the erotic vigilance. The erotic vigilance is okay. She's like, super pissed off about what happened at work, so I don't think I'll be offering her A genital massage. The first thing I'll be offering her is a glass of chardonnay, right? Or oh wow, she's been kind of like winking at me all night and I guess I'm going to initiate sex. So baby, would you like me to undress you and lay you down and rub coconut oil all over your body the way you like me to, or would you like to come sit on my lap and have a little make out? Right. So now what you've done is you've looked at where she is. What is her state? You know about body states, right? So is she in fight, in flight, in freeze, in feed, in F for fornicate? Where is she in that series? And then how do you match the offer to the state? That's erotic vigilance. And then vision. Vision is understanding that you are going to join your nervous systems together and she's got to be taken up this arousal ladder. And so your vision is understanding over time you get better and better at this. How to pleasure your partner's body. And I don't mean this is only one way. This can be both ways. How do you have the vision to take your partner into more and more and more turn on. Do you understand how to keep her sexual energy or his sexual energy rising throughout a lovemaking date with giving the breaks that it needs to rest between arousal moments. Because if you just drive it as hard as you can, if you just pedal to the metal all the way, you burn out fast but slow. Long lovemaking really is the key to ultimate orgasmic pleasure and potential. And then vulnerability. Express being willing to express your desire. God, I'm really horny and what you're wearing is turning me on. I wish I could rip your clothes off. You know, those kinds of things are vulnerable to say. A lot of times we feel ashamed of our desires. But in creating more intimacy and seduction between lovers, you want to be able to state your truth. God, I really would like to have an expanded orgasm date tonight. I'm not sure I have energy for more, but I know if we don't do that, it's just going to postpone my desire even more. So I'd love for you to give me a genital massage or an expanded orgasm date. And I don't want to have to commit to reciprocating, but I'm going to try. Like that's vulnerable. Like I'm not sure I'm there, but let's try to get me there. I always say that you're a team. My husband Tim And I, we call ourselves Team Sweetie because we are on the same team, and we understand that we live in these human bodies, these Homo sapien primate bodies, and they don't always cooperate with us. Sure, we'd like to be horny and ripping each other's clothes off all the time, but I'm not there yet. So how do we get me there? Help me get me there. That's a really good understanding between partners. All right. The vision, the vulnerability, the vigilance, the small offers understanding. You're a light switch, she's a fire. Understanding that she may never initiate because you need to get her started. You need to kindle and tinder her fire. That is all very important. And let's now zoom in. So we started out at. We're in the animal kingdom. Oh. We're on the monkey tree. Oh. Okay. We're ruled by our hormones, and we're ruled by our health and our sleep. And she's different than I am because of that. Okay, that's good to know. Now let's talk about our genitals and how we're the same parts arranged in a different order. We all started out in the womb as females, and then we went through a hormonal bath. And that hormonal bath turned some of us into innies and some of us into outies. Outies are guys and innies are girls, but we have all the same genital tissue, the erectile tissue that is essentially spongy tissue that needs to be filled up with blood to feel ultimate pleasure and sensation. And she has as much of it up inside her as he does outside of his body. And 30 to 50% of his erectile tissue is not on the part of the penis. You can see it's in his buried shaft. He has erectile tissue inside his body, too, that you can get to from the perineal area, from the abdomen, from reaching down the base of the shaft and kind of guiding your fingers deep into the tissue to feel the root of his shaft. So a lot of times, guys really rush their turn on because, boom, oh, I've got an erection. Let's have sex. But the problem is that her genitals need all that engorgement, tumescence, blood flow, erectile filling, fullness. And so, for many women, when they've not understood that their genital tissue needs a lot of stimulation before penetration, they've ended up rushing sex so many times, and they've ended up not being able to have orgasms from intercourse, that over time, they are no longer interested in Intercourse, because, hey, what is it for them? Just some friction. It doesn't really get them off. The closeness is nice, but, you know, a good hug is almost as good as for them or even better than intercourse if they're not having orgasms. So there are a lot of ways that a woman can begin to learn to have orgasms from intercourse. All orgasms are learned. Some people are lucky, and they naturally have them. But most of the orgasms, the 15 different kinds of orgasms that both men and women can have, are learned. You just. You find your path, you open your neural pathways, you generate new sensations, you fill your genitals with blood, and then it begins to be easier to have orgasms. Genital massage is one of the best things that a woman can have as a sensual foreplay experience. And it doesn't even have to be just before sex. It could be the night before or, you know, whatever. Lots of genital massage is great. She has a clitoral. A clitoral glans tip. That's the clitoris that you probably know about. She has a clitoral shaft that is similar to his penile shaft. She has two legs called crura, that run down and drape on either side of her vaginal canal. Those are the corpus cavernosum. That are the two spongy tissue lines that run up each side of the man's penis. That's spongy tissue. She has a G spot. That's his corpus spongiosum that surrounds the urethra in his penis and her urethra, her urethral canal in her body. There's spongy tissue all over that. That's the G spot, but it's actually called a urethral canal. It's not a spot. It's a whole area up on the inside top of her vaginal canal. She has perineal sponge between her rectum and her vagina. Down on the bottom floor of her vagina. That's also erectile tissue. That's. Even though her G spot is most similar to his prostate and his prostate, though, it's not erectile tissue. It's a spongy tissue that really likes stimulation, just like her G area. So we have all these things. They're called homologous. That's what it's called, homologous genitalia. And I think the biggest point I want to make is that we need to get our girl's genitals, our girls, women's genitals, warmed up and full of blood before penetration and even before oral Oral can help, but your tongue is not the tool that your hands are. Your hands are the best things for really giving you incredible orgasms. Okay, so now you know that you've got all this spongy tissue you need to play with. Oh, and I forgot the labia. Under, underneath the labia majora are the vestibular bulbs. So the clitoral structure is the head, the shaft, the two legs and the two bulbs. The vestibular bulbs, those are underneath the fur on each side of the opening to her vagina. That tissue loves to be pressed as well. Different tissue, her mons, her hood, her inner labia, her outer labia, the fourchette that comes down and closes at the bottom of her labia, her perineal area, her sweet cheeks, her belly, her groin, all of this has erectile tissue in it. Not to mention that she has erectile tissue all over her body. Lips, tongue, mouth, nose, neck, breasts, belly. It's just all wonderful stuff that needs to be played with. And for the male bodied of us, often things like erectile dysfunction prevention, premature ejaculation, those types of problems are. ED often comes from heart disease or insulin resistance or lack of blood flow. It comes from a lot of different factors including low testosterone. That's part of the desire piece of it. That's kind of like the, oh, I don't really feel like it. So I really don't get very hard. There's all kinds of things about ED and then premature ejaculation is really anxiety, primarily anxiety. Also heightened sensitivity, poor masturbatory practices, as well as not taking the time to slowly get warmed up, not having a full erection, but really just focusing on the tip of the penis, the glans, the most sensitive part, and not really allowing yourself to slow down and get fully engorged. We could dive into just those two things for an hour each. But I wanted to just give you some sense of the fact that your libido and your arousal as well as your desire all factor into everything from ED to premature ejaculation to painful sex to anorgasmia. Anorgasmia being difficulty or inability to achieve orgasm. So blood flow, genital pleasure for both male and female bodied people is of utmost importance in having great sex and reaching your orgasmic potential. One of the difficulties with anorgasmia, the ability to achieve orgasm in females, is that, you know, if you think about it, the two things that men struggle with most are ED and pe. Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. The two things that women deal with most Are vaginal pain with intercourse and inability to have orgasms the way that they hope that they could or just difficulty generally achieving any orgasms at all or only being able to achieve an orgasm in one surgery way rather than a bunch of different ways. Having all those 15 kinds of orgasm and the single best thing you can do is engorgement. Yoni massage, genital massage, I always call it crossing the gasm. It's like crossing the orgasm chasm if you will. The engorgement and the connection and the arousal ladder and making sure she's comfortable. These are all the kinds of things that really help a woman cross the gasm. Penetration orgasms are the most elusive of orgasms for many women. They want to have orgasms from intercourse, but they don't. And there are many different wonderful techniques for helping women beyond just yoni massage and propaganda engorgement, one of which is Taoist thrusting. I'm going to give you an ebook called Thrust in time. It's my 34th sex technique free ebook that I've written and I love to teach people sex techniques. That's really what I do is I'm a. I teach passionate lovemaking skills, bedroom communication techniques and health and sexual restoration treatments if you will and techniques so that people understand what all the options are that they have. And I'll just give you that ebook Thrust in Time now so that you can go into this thrusting technique that really helps women get to the point where they can have orgasms from intercourse. All things I've said being done too, the seduction and the lover space and making sure conditions are right and she's gotten properly engorged, she will be able to come from intercourse, which is fantastic. Like I said, it's just a learned skill. And really what I want to get into here are the six essentials to connected sex. Because I believe that soulmates, sexual soulmates are co created. I got an email from someone recently who said when am I going to find my soulmate? And I said when you go out and look for them and when you turn the person that you like into your soulmate, it's not like there's some soulmate waiting out there for you. There's no sexual soulmate out there for you. Certainly there's chemistry. There's definitely chemistry. I mean usually what happens is you don't actually marry the person that you have chemistry with. They're like pretty good. And you pick them for a lot of reasons. One of which is that you have pretty good sex or great sex when you get started. But Then over time that sex can wane because she gets bored or she's not having orgasms or he's mad at her or you know, there's a million reasons. And so how do you keep your sex life hot? How do you create, how do you co create this sexual soul matery? What is it that you can do to create the kind of passionate lovemaking that you want to have if you don't have it or if you used to have it and you want to get it back? There are six things and I'm just going to skip over them briefly. The first is being present in the bedroom. It's very difficult, especially for women to be present because estrogen makes us put our attention on 1,462,000 things at the same time. Where men, it's much more easy for them to be just like, because they're testosterone, they're like, I'm on this one goal, I'm having sex. This is what I'm doing right now. I've got no problem, I'm totally here. Where for her, she's like, ah, I'm thinking about this thing now I'm thinking about that thing. So presence is a mindfulness practice in the bedroom as well. Presence is being in gratitude, being in connection, being in awareness, in the moment, playing off of each other. When two become one and the world falls away, that's true presence. When your orgasm starts and you don't know where it starts and his begins and yours ends and it's just this infinite wonderful loop of pleasure that you're riding this ecstatic wave together. That's presence. That's when you stop having performance anxiety. That's when you stop worrying about what you're going to do next or what happened last time. That's when you get off the to do list and you start feeling your body. That's presence. The second of the six essentials to connected sex is lover space. Lover space is especially important for the female body because she's got her attention on so many things. Everything needs to be right for her to surrender to her pleasure. She doesn't compartmentalize like testosterone driven men do. So she needs the right temperature, the right. The sheets can't be scratchy, they need to be clean, they can't be smelly. The towels need to be soft, the lighting needs to be good. The music needs to be what she's in the mood for. The pitcher of water needs to be beside the bed. The lube she likes has to be there. Oh, she has to be sure she's not going to contract an STI or get pregnant if she's not trying to. All of these things are very important. And what is wonderful and creates really nice polarity is when the masculine sets up the lover space. Here, he pulls the fitted plastic waterproof sheet over the bedclothes and then puts another sheet, soft sheet, on top of that so they can just pull it off when they're done making love and throw it in the corner on a pile and deal with it tomorrow and crawl into nice, clean sheets when he sets up the music and he gets the pitcher of water and the lube is by the bed and the towels are stacked up when he's done those things so that she's not doing more when she can just walk in and put on her lingerie and lie down and fall into his arms. That lover space is one of the things that creates her ability to have more connected sex. The next is something called the soulmate pact. The sexual soulmate pact. And that soulmate pact is of utmost importance because I've already told you that we are monkeys and we are hormonally wildly different and we have different needs in the bedroom. Well, what makes it more difficult is that every darn day as a woman, living in a woman's body is both a delight and a huge pain in the butt. Because what felt good to us yesterday doesn't feel good to us today. We want something different in almost every moment. Ooh, now it's too hard. Oh, you're on my hair. Ooh, that. That's too soft. Can you stop right there and just keep doing that? What you really want to do is be able to ask for what you need in every moment in the bedroom. But because testosterone is so sure and certain, which is one of the beautiful things about the testosterone man, is that he knows what he's doing, right? He's got a high degree of certainty that he knows exactly what he's doing. The problem is, testosterone creates the illusion that you know what you're doing when you actually don't know as much as you think you do. This is why you don't ask for directions when you're lost, because you think you can figure it out when it would have been like a half an hour shorter for you to just pull over and ask for directions. Now, that's an old paradigm because we all have Google Maps now, but you get my point, and that is that she needs to be able to tell you, as the masculine, that she is in need of some different type of sensation. But she doesn't tell you because. Because the last time she told you, you contracted like you'd made a mistake, someone corrected you, you did something wrong, you weren't doing the right thing. And you probably said, and this isn't you, maybe, but some man in her past, right, said, I know what I'm doing. You don't have to tell me. I know. And so it shut her down. So she's afraid to hurt your ego. She's afraid to tell you. That is the most common complaint that women have about men and sex, except for bad grooming. They want good grooming, emotional connection, and they want their guys to be willing to take feedback, but they're afraid to give it to them. So the sexual soulmate pact is the way that you can understand that it's not her fault. She's a crazy old monkey driven by her hormones, and they constantly change on her because she's monthly, cyclical, and you're not your more steady state. So it pretty much always feels good to you within a range where for her, her range is super wide. What she needs in every moment is so different. But she's not telling you because she's afraid you'll take it personally. The soulmate pact is the agreement that you're not going to take it personally. How could you know she's a crazy primate monkey. And so then you say, okay, my little monkey, what do you you need today? Please tell me. I want to know. I love all your feedback. And here's the thing about the feedback. If you say thank you when she gives you feedback, when you encourage her. Thank you, baby. Oh, yeah. How's this? Is that better? Okay, baby, I got it. How's this? Lighter still? Is this light enough? When you encourage her? Thank you so much, baby. Keep telling me. I love it. I want to know everything. I just want to give you you incredible pleasure. Because as the masculine, he's biologically wired to want to give his woman incredible pleasure. What he wants to do is get invited back into the velvety love cave. And frankly, that's a competitive location in the grand scheme of evolution. So he has to do a good job, which is why it's so important to him to do a good job. So he wants you to respect the excellent job he's doing by you telling him that you appreciate what a great job he's done for you. But you don't have to do that during lovemaking. You can just blurt it out. You don't need to say please. You don't need to say thank you. Because what that does is that takes you out of your animal body and into your good girl into your good girl pants. You don't want to be in your good girl pants. You want to be out of your good girl pants. And you want to be having totally sexually expressed incredible pleasure. So the soulmate pact is the agreement that you're going to tell each other everything because you have no control over that silly animal body you live in. And every day it wants something else. And you're going to thank each other or especially he's going to thank her to encourage her for doing that because of the crazy testosterone estrogen differences. And speaking of the crazy differences, number four of the six essentials to connected sex for sexual soul soulmates is polarity. The masculine feminine charge. The magnetism between partners. How do you become more masculine? How do you become more feminine? The feminine invites, the feminine opens, the feminine surrenders. The feminine orgasms. The feminine allows herself to be pleasured. What does the masculine do? The masculine holds the safe frame. He picks her up, he moves her around, he tells her she's a good girl. He encourages her, he calls her to her sexual potential. He sets the lover space. He holds the belief of her incredible expression. He doesn't shy away when she's sexually self expressed. He loves her for all of her appetite and calls her to more. He makes it safe for her to be the wild animal that she is. That's the masculine feminine dynamic. Combine polarity, combine that masculinity with the vision to take her on that erotic adventure and you've got one masterful lover. Number five, embodied sexuality. Look. The eyes, the ears, the mouth, the sound, the skin, the touch, the smell. Come on. That's one of the best parts of sex. Are you silent or are you growling? Are you screaming in joy and pleasure or are you holding back? Are you looking each other in the eyes or are you closed Eyes closed? Are you just frictioning the genital parts or are you rubbing your hands all over each other's bodies, awakening the sensual grids, the proprioceptive cells that line your skin, that make you feel alive from head to toe? When you have an orgasm, is it just shooting out from your head to your toes to your fingers and toe tips? That's embodied sexuality. That is playing open, full, moaning, talking, laughing, tasting, smelling, looking, touching, kissing, everything. How much of that can you put into your soulmatery? A lot more than you might be doing now. Number six is erotic play dates. And I'm going to go into a whole bunch of Erotic play dates for you. I'm going to tell you some things that you can do. Erotic play dates are. Look, there's a lot of performance anxiety in sex for both the male bodied and the female bodied. Am I going to be able to calm? Is she going to surrender? Am I going to come too fast? You know, does my butt look fat? I don't know. There's a million things. So sex, when you stop thinking about we're going to have sex and you start thinking, oh, we're going to have some fun times together, let's just get together and have fun, that's when sex gets really fun. The couples that play together stay together, especially in the bedroom. When you learn new things together. When you begin with that Buddhist beginner's mind. When you are not the know it all, when you are the learn it all. When you're learning a new technique together and you're beginning as teenagers, you're getting that young, fun, playful, vital, you're laughing, you made mistakes, it didn't work. Oh, who cares? That's when sex, sex gets fun. And that's when your skills get better. When you're just worried about doing everything perfectly. When you're worried about it, then you get upset. Performance, you don't want it, you just get shut down. So erotic play dates are the most wonderful part of getting better in bed together. Getting on what I like to call the upward pleasure spiral, where sex keeps getting better your whole life. The best lovers are in their second 60s, their 70s, their 80s and their 90s. And with good biohacking, we're gonna get more and more people in their centennial years having the best sex of their lives. You just gotta keep yourself good and going. So what can you learn? Well, there's 15 types of male and 15 types of female orgasms. So you could learn how to have 15 types of orgasms, that'd be one thing. Some examples might be cross training. Learning how to go from the orgasm you know how to have to the orgasm you want to learn how to have. You could learn expanded orgasm, female ejaculation, male multiple orgasm. You could learn orgasmic. Oh no, there's so many. I mean we're going to talk about a few more of them, but. But I want you to know that these play dates are really the way to have a deeply. You do all the six essentials to connected sex with one of them being the play dates. Eyes open, having a great time in a great space, communicating. You're going to be incredible lovers together. One of the things that you can do is you can play with, with healthy sex toys. You have to be very careful about sex toys. Even brands that you might think are safe are made with the crappiest products, the crappiest plastics. If your sex toy smells bad, don't use it. It has phthalates and plasticizers in it that literally the vaginal canal, it's called the vaginal mucosa. And in the rectum also, they are like sponges. They suck in things. So this is why your sex toys and your lubes have to be 100% body safe. Silicone, 100% organic nut oils, things like this. Because you do not want to be putting nasty old lubes from the drugstore up inside your beautiful love canal. You want to be able to use organic coconut oil, organic avocado oil, organic jojoba, any kind of a nut oil that feels good to you. Get the organic nut oils and use those. What kind of condoms, Polypropylene or polyisoprene. Because they are, you know, they're inured to being degraded by the oils. So you don't want to use latex. Most people have latex allergies anyway, so it's just really not the best condom to use. So erotic playdates could be learning how to use a new set sex toy together. It could be role play, it could be sex positions, it could be sex in new locations. It could be learning erotic massage, genital massage, expanded orgasm, female ejaculation, oral pleasuring for him, oral pleasuring for her, simultaneous oral pleasuring. That's the 69 sex position that's so much fun. Or the spoons, opposite, spoons side by side. Those are some of the really fun things to learn. And I want to explain what expanded orgasm is before I go on because you've probably possibly heard about orgasmic meditation, deliberate orgasm, extended massive orgasm, expanded orgasm. These are all different words for the same basic clitoral stroking technique. I have a program called expand her orgasm tonight. I've had an expanded orgasm stroking practice with my husband for over, over 15 years. The expanded orgasm practice is what has allowed me to achieve orgasms from intercourse to reinvigorate my genitals so that I wanted sex. It's really been one of the things that's been the most pivotal thing in really turning me into a trusted hot sex advisor to millions. Because dear little Susan Bratton always wanted to have great orgasms and, and really had to try hard for the first 45 years of her life until she got on to this expanded orgasm practice with her darling husband, Sir Tim. So Tim and I became aware of the. We took an orgasmic meditation class, and we realized, okay, this is something that's really interesting. And then we learned that this is actually a lineage, like yoga or any martial arts, where it's a clitoral stroking technique. It's a very, very light clitoral stroking technique. It's like the way it's always described is, you know how you use the very tip of your finger and to get an eyelash off of your eyeball. When an eyelash has fallen into your eye and you're just tapping your eyeball super light to get that eyelash off there, that's how light the stroke is on the clitoris when you touch it. And that's what keeps it from having clitoral fatigue. Where she only wants to have one orgasm. An expanded orgasm is not a series of multiple orgasms. An expanded orgasm is not one orgasm that lasts longer. An expanded orgasm practice allows you to take your partner, your clitorally, your clitoral owning partner, into a state of orgasm that not only she goes into it, but she rides the wave of orgasm where the moment of climax is stretched out like taffy, like a time warp, where she goes into orgasm and she just stays there. She doesn't crest and go over the edge of the wave. She rides the wave. She surfs the wave. If you've ever been with a woman who just literally is coming and coming and coming and coming the entire time, that's a woman who knows how to have an expanded orgasm. She can ride that wave. And the best way to learn how to do that, because you can actually be in orgasm that way with lots of different stimulation. But the best way to learn it is the expanded orgasm practice. I'm going to give you a link to expand her orgasm tonight where there's three free pleasure reports. One is what is expanded orgasm. The other is peaking, which is a little intentional, Interesting intentional downstroke technique that leverages the sympathetic parasympathetic nervous system, the paradigm of our nervous system, where you are taking her up and then letting her rest in that for a minute and then taking her up to an even higher level of orgasmic blood and allowing her to rest in that for a minute and then taking her up. You can come for. You can learn to come for 30 seconds and then a minute and then five and then 10 and then 20 and then 30, and then I've come for an hour straight, no problem. You just get thirsty, so you have to stop. You're like, okay, I've been moaning for an hour now. There's three opening strokes and there's the bread and butter stroke, which you've probably heard about. It's up under the hood usually for Most women at 2 o' clock off the top of the clitoris. And that stroke, light like a butterfly, not on the surface of the skin, but intentionally sending pleasure into the clitoral head and shaft. That allows her to get up into that kind of orgasmic plane and then ride that, get up on that wave. She's surfing up. She pulls up onto the wave and then she, and she stays on that wave and then she comes down and she gets up on another wave and it's even better. And she gets up on another wave. That's what expanded orgasm in. And then there's a closing stroke as well, a down closing stroke. So it's a system, it's form. It's like martial arts, as I said, or like yoga. You learn the form, you don't just be like, oh, I'm going to freestyle this. I can figure that out. Oh yeah, I'll just stick my finger under the clit hood at 2 o' clock and I'm just going to stroke what she said. It's not that easy actually. There's a lot that goes into it. So it's a practice for couples. The reason that onetaste calls it orgasmic meditation is because you're actually entering into what my mentor, Dr. Sherry Winston says. She's not a doctor, she's a. I shouldn't. She'll be like, I'm not a doctor. Keep saying that. She's the most amazing person. She wrote a great book called Women's Anatomy of Arousal. Get it? Read it. Amazing. She taught me about orgasmic cross training. And the idea is that when you get up onto that plane and you hold that and you stretch that time out, you really have to learn what you're doing. You can't just jump into it. That's why going and getting the pleasure reports or even getting the program and learning how to do it, you get better and better at it over time. And when what you get into is this, as Sherry calls it, conjoined trance state. A conjoined trance state is essentially where, let's just say it's a male bodied partner doing the pleasuring and a female bodied partner is receiving this expanded orgasm date. It's also called a due date. D O deliberate orgasm date. The deliberate orgasm date or the due date. So he's got his finger on her clitoris he's doing the stroke, he's taken her up the three strokes and then now he's on her clitoris. He's got the organic oil and he's stroking her clitoris and he's taking her into these expanded, incredible climaxes. And it's not even a climax. It's just like one long orgasm that just keeps getting better and better and better. And then what's happening is that she's riding his ride. So he's taking her. That's vision. That's vision right there. That's incredible ability to take over a woman's nervous system and take her, her into this experience and then just take her on that orgasmic ride where it just keeps getting better and better with every stroke while he's doing the intentional downstrokes to give her those breaks that her nervous system needs. That is a conjoined trance state. That's what Sherry calls it. And a conjoined trance state is where the two of you ride one orgasm together. He's taking her, she's riding his ride, but she's having the orgasms that he's giving her. It's that circle again. It's that pleasure spiral. It's that spiral of DNA. It's the DNA helix of the two people swirling up in pleasure together. He's feeling his giving her incredible pleasure. He's feeling great about himself. He's the most amazing lover. And he's got her like putty under his finger. And she's just going where he takes. And you get so good at this together. And what's great about it is that this practice, which actually originated from Moore, a place called Moore House, Moore University. And then there's many disciples. There's welcome consensus, there's, oh, God, I'm not even gonna think of them all now, nor do you. You probably need to know them all. But there's like 10 or 12 people out there with their own kind of version of it. And the expanded orgasm version of it is the one that I created with one of my mentors, Dr. Patty Taylor, because I wanted something that was not just a 15 minute transactional genital stroking. What I wanted was something that couples could do that was very tantric in its embodiment, where it was deeply heart connected, extremely, extremely like sexual soulmate type of stuff, where you are basically going into an orgasmic trance together and you are feeling God in your orgasm. You are having an orgasm that is connecting you with Gaia, with life, with divinity. It's ecstatic. And, you know, there's A lot of ways to connect with God and orgasm ain't such a bad one. So that's expanded orgasm, and that's one of the things you can learn in an erotic play date. There's so many things, things that you can do, but what do you do if your partner doesn't want to learn those things? Why don't they. Do they have shame? Have they had trauma? Have they been told that sex is dirty or bad? Have they gotten bored with you and they don't believe that it's going to be fun? Are they working too much and not coming home and relaxing enough? Are you not spending enough time setting aside scheduled lovemaking dates or dates to have these experiences? Are they sick? Do they not feel well? How's their gut health? Are they detoxing? Are they getting enough exercise and having circulatory events that keep the blood pumping? Do they have ED or painful sex? Have they had loss of hormones? Do they need to do bioidentical hormone replacement? Are they low on oxytocin? You know, there are genetic SNPs now that you can measure that are. I happen to be a low oxytocin producer. I actually take exogenous oxytocin suspended in coconut oil intravaginally. Do they need some libido supplements? You know, there are a lot of things, especially if you're a vegetarian or a vegan, you have to watch out for getting enough minerals. I mean, you know these things, right? You have to have boron to decouple the testosterone from bound to free testosterone so your body can actually utilize it. I mean, we are delicate little creatures. We require a lot of balance. And a lot of times, and I've heard Ben say this before, Ben Greenfield. I've heard him say that, you know, doing a bunch of libido botanicals ain't no good if you're not getting the basic vitamins and minerals that you need. Vitamin A is essential for both male and female sex hormone production. Vitamin B3 is necessary for those short bursts of energy, you know, the orgasmic. I mean, I started taking niacinamide and nicotinamide, ribosomide, and I could literally feel the orgasm shooting out of my toes. Again, I was low in my B vitamins. B3 gives you that sexual flush that increases blood flow to your genitals and intensifies your orgasm. Vitamin B6 is a libido enhancer because it helps in controlling elevated prolactin. It also aids you in estrogen and testosterone function as well as the production of red Blood cells and serotonin and dopamine. If you're having sensitivity issues, you gotta check your serotonin and dopamine production, because low serotonin is. Is one of those things that is potentially your issue around not being able to achieve climax. St. John's Wort's really good for. It's an adaptogenic herb that helps with either low or high serotonin production. And also St. John's Wort is good for premature ejaculation. If you're a premature ejaculator, put yourself on some St. John's Wort with some nitric oxide. That will actually calm your urge and your anxiety down so that you're less likely to feel like you can't control your ejaculation. I want you to have ejaculatory choice. Also for men with low sperm count, vitamin B6 has been shown to help increase your sperm count. Vitamin B12, my favorite, heightens your sex drive. Enhances erectile function by enlarging your. Your blood vessels. You gotta keep that blood pumpin'. It stimulates the secretion of histamine needed for orgasm. Vitamin C. It's important for the synthesis of androgen, estrogen, and progesterone. Ah, my sleepy hormone. That's involved in your sexuality, your fertility, and in aiding arousal. Vitamin E. Ooh, I love. I take, like about 700ius of mixed tocopherol, vitamin E every day. That increases blood flow and oxygen to your genitals. It's a key player in the production of your sex hormones to give you that sex drive boost. And good old magnesium, We've all heard about that a lot lately. That helps in the production of androgen and estrogen. That regulates libido. Magnesium's been documented as an aphrodisiac. Just like zinc. It can improve your libido and sexual performance. And of course, it can help calm you and relax you so that you actually can go into that arousal ladder. Selenium. That's essential to sperm production. Nearly half of the selenium in you or your partner's body is in the testes and the seminal ducts. Guys lose selenium in their semen when they ejaculate. The importance of selenium and its role in the antioxidant activity of vitamin E, its vitamin E. This kind of the sex vitamin is having optimal levels of selenium to increase your virility. And I'll tell you something. A lot of the studies that are done, they're done on men, but they work the same on women. If you think about the fact that our genitals are homologous, different parts, you know, same parts arranged in a different way. We all need these things. Men need, and women need the same amount of blood flow and around erectile function. And zinc, of course, it's required for the production of testosterone and production of healthy sperm. And healthy testosterone levels in both men and women are important to a healthy sex drive. Zinc also aids in prostate health. Prostate, it has a whole bunch of zinc in it and it helps regulate that prostatic fluid. You think about a woman's ejaculate, that's prostatic fluid too. So she needs zinc too. So if deficiency of zinc hurts your prostate, it probably hurts your urethral sponge, your G area and that prostatic fluid. Has anybody done a study?

No.

Will they? Probably never. But without a healthy prostate, you can't have a healthy sex life. So interestingly also, studies show that women with a greater sex drive have higher levels of testosterone. One of the reasons that I supply myself with extra testosterone is to increase my sexual pleasure. You know, the scream creams and things like that, they're testosterone and dhea. So adding zinc to your diet is super helpful. And what's great is that it blocks the enzyme that converts testosterone to estrogen so men don't get man boobs and a big fat belly. The great thing too is that semen, you know, we've been taught, oh, it's gonna get you pregnant. Don't you know you shouldn't have it near you? You know, it's like almost semen's been vilified when actually we were born to be so synergistic. Because semen is really good for women. That vaginal mucosa, that sponge inside us, you as a male bodied man, you give us estrone and estrogel, follicular follicle stimulating hormone, fsh, luteinizing hormone, endorphins, prolactins, oxytocin, thyrotropin releasing hormone, serotonin, a number of prostaglandins, zinc and testosterone. Your penis is a testosterone injection device for us women. We need your testosterone. It gives us, it lowers our anxiety, it boosts our cognitive function, and it makes us horny. You also have it in your saliva. So you can give us a double testosterone injection. Thank you so much, gentlemen. Now, one of the other things, when you think about libido and you think about the fact that your hormones fall, they start falling when you're in your 30s and they, they just like go down, down, down. So if you want to do exogenous testosterone replacement, that's great. At the same time, you should be doing exogenous nitric oxide replacement. You can get it from foods and you can supplement with it. And the two most common nitric oxide supplements are from L citrulline and L arginine. So even if it comes from beetroot or spinach or cabbage or dill or there's of a lot, lots of things that create nitric oxide. I personally recommend L citrulline over L Arginine because 75% of the population in middle age has herpes viruses. There's Epstein Barr and there's chickenpox and there's the HSV1, HSV2, there's lots of herpes viruses and L arginine exacerbates the herpes virus. And you want to leave that. You don't want to poke that bee's nest with L arginine. You want to use L. I like L citrulline from fermented food sources such as watermelons, organic water. Eat lots of watermelon. It's full of L citrulline. It's a watery food and it's great for you. Watermelon is a great sex food because low nitric oxygen narrows your blood vessels and you need blood pumping capacity for erectile function and orgasmic pleasure. Both male bodied and female bodied people need to have big fat blood vessels and arteries pumping lots of blood. Another thing that really helps with blood flow are procyanidins and they come from pine bark. Pinus pinastor is what it's called, or grape seed. Those help with blood flow. You know, if you look at aphrodisiacs, you can look at ancestral wisdom and PubMed and you can do a cross tab and say what have indigenous, you know, you can do the ethnobotanist thing. What have indigenous people been taking for eons to help with libido? And then what kind of studies have been done to show that they actually work? And there are really five things that I've determined are kind of the gold standard of aphrodisiacal. I don't think that's a word. Botanicals, Aphrodisycle, botanicals. The first one is maca maca root powder, one and a half to three grams a day. It's really great for those on SSRIs and significantly helps with libido compared to placebos. It doesn't interact with hormones, it helps with ed, which means it's helping men and women. Because if your husband has ed, you have it too. If you eat the same foods and live the same lifestyle, you both have have the same problem. He's just got an outie. You can see you got an innie. It's not getting blood. But the thing about maca is it takes a couple months to build up in your system. So you just have to keep taking it. I throw it in my morning smoothie. I think that's the best way to do it. And the other one is cacao. Cacao or cocoa. Cocoa powder or chocolate. 30 grams of cocoa powder or 40 grams of dark chocolate. Up to it has to be at least 75% cocoa content. Epicatechins and flavonoids support nitric oxide production. So drink your chocolate milk. Actually, don't drink your chocolate milk. Just put the cocoa powder in your smoothie. Now, yohimbine, that's one of those things. I don't know if you know this, but before Viagra was invented, doctors used to literally. Pharmacists used to have prescriptions for yohimbine. The problem is there's a lot of contraindications for yohimbine. You can't use it with antidepressants such as MAO inhibitors or tricyclic antidepressants. You can't use it if you have anxiety. You can't use it if you have heart issues. So I generally stay away from yohimbine. Some people feel like it jacks them up. But I think there's so many people that feel anxiety in today's world that yohimbine is not the choice. I'd stick with maca and Cacao and then what I love to call my libido trilogy now, because Maca and Cacao takes, you know, one and a half to three grams. That's a lot of material. So it's kind of hard to get those into supplements. Or you'd be taking like six or eight or 12 supplements. Those are the good ones for your smoothie, the ones that you can take in a supplement form. And I like to combine them with a multivitamin mineral. Don't be taking this if you're not taking a daily vitamin, for goodness sakes. You got to keep your good vitamins and minerals in your system. The libido trilogy is Tongkat Ali Fenugreek and Tongkat Ali. I'm spacing on it. Tongkat Ali, Fenugreek and Tribulus Terrestris. There we go. I have so much information to give you, don't I? The Tongkat Ali is longjack. It's a fertility enhancer. It supports hormones. You need about 300 milligrams a day of 101 extract concentrated for something called urocomone. And preferably you could take it in two separate doses. I don't. I just take it all at one time. Second one is Tribulus terrestris. That's libido and hormone production support 300 milligrams. Third one, fenugreek, Methi, they call it in Ayurvedic, that increases libido and sexual satisfaction. And here's the cool thing about methi or fenugreek is that it actually causes your body fluid to smell or taste like maple syrup. The interesting thing about that is that a lot of men are worried about how their semen tastes and they want to have oral pleasure, but they worry fenugreek to the rescue. It makes your fluid taste delicious, but fenugreek has coumarin, a blood thinning compound in it, which is contraindicated for people on waferin. If you're on a blood thinner, you don't want to add fenugreek. Take 300mg of fenugreek. Standardized to how many saponins? I think it's 100 to 1. So the other thing about the trilogy, the Tongkat, the fenugreek, and the Tribulus, is it's good to cycle them. Take one of them for a month, then take the next one, then take the next one, and then start over. Your body kind of gets used to the supplements, and you don't want to lose its efficacy. So herb cycling between the three libido botanicals is really recommended. All right. What have I promised you? I have promised you a number of things. Let's see. Thrust in time, the sexual soulmate pact. I think those are two of the things that I promised to give you. Oh, yeah. And the three free pleasure reports from expand her orgasm tonight. Those are the three things. I will make sure that there are links to those for you with this information so that you can grab those from me. There's way more where that came from. Like I said, thrust in time. That was my 34th sex technique. Free gift. So if you want to learn some sex techniques, there's more where that came from. There's always more. That's the great thing about sex. It never stops giving. That upward pleasure spiral, that. That helix of swirling love. Soulmate energy just keeps going and going. I hope I've taken you on a good ride today. I hope you've enjoyed it and learned a fun new few things. Or like, maybe even a hundred new things. Thank you so much for listening to me, watching me, loving me, appreciating me. I appreciate you and your appetite. May it continue to expand in passion. I'm Susan Bratton, trusted hot sex advisor to millions, and I'll see you on the pleasure ride.

Well, thanks for listening to today's show. You can grab all the show notes, the resources, pretty much everything that I mentioned over@BenGreenfieldFitness.com along with plenty of other goodies from me, including the highly helpful Ben Recommends page, where which is a list of pretty much everything that I've ever recommended for hormones, sleep, digestion, fat loss, performance, and plenty more. Please also know that all the links, all the promo codes that I mentioned during this and every episode help to make this podcast happen and to generate income that enables me to keep bringing you this content every single week. So so when you listen in, be sure to use the links in the show notes. Use the promo codes that I generate because that helps to float this thing and keep it coming to you each and every week.