Fit Soul Chapter 20 - To Die Is Gain

Welcome to Fit Soul. My name is Ben Greenfield and this is the weekly release of a chapter from my book Fit Soul, which you can get for free@fitsoulbook.com There is both a digital as well as a print version available there@fitsoulbook.com and all the references for everything that we go over in today's chapter chapter 20 you can find@fitsoulbook.com chapter 20 that's fitsoulbook.com chapter 20 chapter 20 to die is gain in chapter 3, I described palliative care practitioner Bronnie Ware's article regrets of the Dying, which is also now more detailed in the recently published book Top 5 Regrets of the A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. It's worth a read, but in a nutshell, as Bronnie describes the five regrets most often uttered by those on their deathbed are as follows. First, I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself others expected of me. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. I wish I'd had the courage to express my true feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends and I wish I'd have let myself be happier. So if you were to act upon these regretful reflections, and if you don't want to die with a lot of regrets, this means you could live a life that's true to who you are and not driven by who you think the world wants you to be. In other words, be authentic. Don't spend so much time working, even if your work is or feels noble and laudable, or even if you're so self actualized it feels like relaxing play, you may still want to step back and ask yourself how often you use work as an escape or to simply immerse yourself in more of the doing that takes you away from being. Express your feelings. Are you in love? Tell him or her. Are you angry? Speak up. Are you lonely? Tell someone. Do you disagree wholeheartedly? Quit being such a people pleaser or coward. Be bold and voice your disagreement. You get the idea? Don't cruise through life stone faced and so resilient that you cannot, will not fear or not vulnerable enough to express your true feelings and emotions. Next, keep in touch with your friends, old and new, and dare I say, venture out to make new friends too. I tell you how and why in chapter three. Finally, choose to be happy no matter your circumstances. Stuck on the Runway at an airport. Close your eyes, breathe, smile. And finally listen to that Spotify music playlist. You've been too busy to savor waiting in line at the grocery store when you're late for an appointment. It's not worth fretting. You don't have control. Use it as a much needed opportunity to stretch. Read a few pages on your smartphone's Kindle, or listen to a few minutes of a podcast at a boring dinner party. Quit sighing with discontent and instead tell your favorite joke from sixth grade. Delight in the mood or ask everybody which superhero they want to be for the night. You get the idea. Be that person who is peaceful, calm, and radiates joy. Of course, there are plenty of other tips one can find when it comes to dying with no regrets. For example, two of my favorite such resources of late are the articles Die with no regrets. Follow these 43 life lessons and the book Don't Waste youe Life by John Piper. I'll link to both of those on the resources page for this chapter@fitsoulbook.com Chapter 20 but recently, as I was reading Philippians 1:21 in the Bible, I came across and had a chance to ponder Apostle Paul's words, for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. To die is gain. In other words, one could think of their death as an even more meaningful event than simply dying with no regrets. One could experience death as something just as meaningful as life. One could consider and plan for their death to be an event that may very well indeed rock the planet and change this world. Well, let's explore that intriguing concept, shall we? So what does dying to gain mean? To understand Paul's words, I think we must first look at the context of his statement to die is gain. Up to this time, Paul had suffered much in his missionary journeys. He'd been beaten, stoned, hated, mocked, shipwrecked, snake bitten at the time of the writing was imprisoned. But yet he seemed to find a strange joy in each of these afflictions because each trial strengthened his faith in leaps and bounds and allowed him to become an even stronger missionary and champion for Christ. In other passages of Scripture, he describes how he considers his body as a living sacrifice for God's kingdom and also says that because he had faithfully run the race set before him, he knew God would be honored not only during his life but also at his death. He lived a life of great sacrifice and love for others and therefore was assured that even his death would glorify God in a magnificent way. He would inspire. Inspire. He would be remembered. The seeds of love he had planted across the Mediterranean and beyond would go on to touch the lives of many and exponentially increase the knowledge of the hero's journey of Jesus far beyond what he would have ever been able to accomplish as one man during one short life. See, Paul knew that heaven would be far better than his earthly life, and that in heaven he would be present with God in a place devoid of sin, sickness, and death. But he also knew that before that time came, his purpose on earth was to live as a beacon light of hope in a world plagued with the darkness of s sin and death. So how can we do this too? How can we live our own lives so that our death is also gain? 3 Ways to Live your life so that your death is gain I think there are three ways to live your life so that your death is gain. I've discovered great meaning and peace from incorporating each of these three concepts into my own life, and wish I had taken each of these steps much earlier in my life, not with regret, but only with gratefulness for the road that brought me to where I am thus far. But no matter your age and no matter how close you suspect you may be to your own death, it's never too late to start. So here's how you can first possess a purpose statement that loves God and loves others. Identify your purpose in life and enable yourself to achieve that unique purpose to the very best of your ability, while loving God and loving others as fully as possible with that purpose. See, true and lasting happiness is not achieved by external circumstances, your thoughts, your intentions, your feelings, but your inner soul. In his book Soul Keeping, author John Ortberg defines the soul as that aspect of your whole being that correlates, integrates, and enlivens everything else. Writes that we all have two worlds. An outer world that is visible and public and obvious, and an inner world that may be chaotic and dark or may be gloriously beautiful. In the end, that outer world fades and all you are left with then is your inner world. But ironically, the more obsessed we are with ourselves, our fitness or cognition or finances or food, the more we neglect our souls. When your soul is not centered and right, you tend to define yourself by your accomplishments, your physical appearance, your titles, or your social circles and friends. But then when you lose these, you tend to lose your identity. I've experienced this myself when I've gotten injured or sick or had a poor race or competition or workout and subsequently felt like I was losing my happiness and transitioning to a lower level of energy vibration because I was losing my identity as an athlete or as a healthy person. Suddenly, the emptiness of those shallow pursuits becomes distinctly magnified. Perhaps this is why one of my favorite Bible verses, Mark 8. 36, says, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? So how do you connect with and care for your soul? Well, you must ask yourself, what is the core part of you that you want folks to talk about at your funeral? In other words, what is your life's purpose? Well, I tell you in great detail in chapter 8 how to find your life's purpose. Go read it and follow the instructions. This is important. Set a time to complete the assignment in that chapter and challenge yourself within a month's time to have your single succinct purpose statement memorized. Then, as I teach you in chapter 10, revisit that purpose statement every evening. Number two. Be humble and meek. As paradoxical as it may seem for your death to rock this planet and for your greatness to be fondly remembered, you should live your life in a spirit of meek, humble service towards your fellow human. Jesus said, blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Yet meekness and humility is not celebrated in our day and age. Instead, we're surrounded by modern pop culture and entertainment that teaches us that to truly become great and be remembered, we must do the exact opposite. We must become rich and powerful. We must hustle day and night. We must be aggressive in business and self promotional and marketing. We must crush others on our rise to the top. We must paint ourselves as living lives of unreachable perfection on our social media channels. We must show no signs of weakness or vulnerability. If we don't amass massive homes, piles of cash, a well balanced portfolio and a C suite executive position in a successful company, then we are unlikely to be remembered for long after we pass right. Therefore, we must all strive to be great kings and queens. So in our fallen world, humility is often correlated to weakness. But being being meek and humble doesn't mean you must be weak, tame or lacking in courage. It simply means that you refuse to inflate your own self estimation or think more highly of yourself than you ought to think. To be meek is to accept your strengths and limitations for what they truly are instead of constantly trying to portray yourself in the best possible light by recognizing your true strengths and weaknesses. You can only find peace by living realistically, but you can find the humility that allows you to serve others in a meaningful way with no judgment, no shaming, and no thought of your own gain. Harold Bingham Lee, an American religious leader and educator, summarized meekness excellently when he wrote A meek man is defined as one who is not easily provoked or irritated and forbearing under injury or annoyance. Meekness is not synonymous with weakness. The meek man is the strong, the mighty, the man of complete self mastery. He's the one who has the courage of his moral convictions despite pressure and controversy. His judgment is the court of last resort and in his sobered counsel quells the rashness of the mob. He's humble minded, he doesn't bluster. He's a natural leader and is the chosen of army and Navy, business and church to lead where other men follow. He is the salt of the earth and shall inherit it. That kind of meek human is who we should strive to be. After all, Jesus, the greatest king who ever lived, washed his disciples feet. Will you do the same for those in your life? Or will you strive so hard to be remembered that you wind up rich and successful, lonely and possibly even despised? As you consider the answer to these questions, I would encourage you to go watch Michael Jordan's retirement speech, which I'll link to on the resources page for this chapter. Jordan was one of the greatest basketball players that ever lived, right? Yet if you watch his speech, you'll see a slightly sad and unfulfilled individual still seeming to team with angst and excessive pride and bitterness. In the years after his retirement, his rise to greatness in basketball became marred with stories of how he had punched a teammate in the face during practice, or belittled less talented peers, or was fueled by a ruthless anger and bitterness. And how his competitiveness on the golf course gained gambling or in any other competitive venue resulted in many beginning to remember him not for his greatness, but for his divisiveness and rage. And that's a perfect example of how pride and superiority at first may seem like greatness, but in the end results in the world instead, remembering the fierce arrogance that often accompanies a lack of humility in one's rise to the top. And trust me, in the end, that's probably not who you want to be. Number three Write your own obituary. Although it may seem a bit droll, writing your own obituary can be a powerful exercise to help you clearly identify whether you are, as John Piper writes in his book don't waste your life wasting your life frittering away in, as Napoleon Hill writes in his book Outwitting the Devil, a hypnotic trance of meaninglessness and less than impactful habits, rituals and routines that neither fully serve your purpose nor fully serve your fellow human. There are plenty of instructions you can find online about how to go about writing your own obituary. But there are no hard and fast rules. You can begin by writing whatever comes to mind, or even if it feels like a stream of consciousness. As you begin, don't overthink this exercise or excessively edit, censor, analyze or critique it. Use words, phrases, sentences, or paragraphs. Schedule a quiet 30 to 60 minutes to answer questions such as what and or who did you impact or change? And why? What character traits and values did you consistently demonstrate over your life? At your core, who were you? Who did you care for? How did you impact or change those you cared for? What did you care about? This also ties deeply into your purpose statement I described earlier. What did you show interest in? What were you passionate or enthusiastic about? What were your major accomplishments in your life at the ages of 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 and beyond? What kind of legacy did you leave behind? How were your children, other members of your family, or your connections and relationships impacted by your life? Well, for inspiration, tips and plenty of examples of good obituaries, I'll link to a few resources for you@fitsoulbook.com Chapter 20 for writing your obituary either way, when you're finished writing it, look it over and ask yourself questions like if I died today, would the world be better because of how I had lived? Do I feel as though I'm fully living my purpose with the direction in which my life is headed right now? Am I creating a legacy? And if so, what is that legacy I'm creating? What's missing from my life that would allow me to love God and love others more fully? What do I need to do in order for my obituary to be complete? Then write a second fantasy obituary in which you write down all those things you currently wish you had done with your life. When you're reading your current obituary, pay attention to what changes then realize, especially if you're still listening to this, you're probably not dead yet. Begin by making any changes that you need to so that you can live that second fantasy obituary so that it becomes a reality. Now, I've personally found that one of the very best tools for setting you up to create a meaningful obituary is something called a Lifebook course that I completed a couple years ago. It was one of the most transformative processes I've discovered for crystal clear clarity, purpose and direction in life, and you can listen to a whole podcast I record recorded about that experience on a link that I'll include on the resources page for this chapter. These three exercises Intimately knowing and living your purpose statement Living a life steeped in humility and meekness. And writing your own obituary will not only give you a new perspective on your own death, but ensure that when you do die, your death is gain, and both your life and your death will have impacted the lives of many in an exponentially profound and positive way. I encourage you to weave these practices not only into your own life, but to teach them to your family too. So that's part of your legacy. Your children and your children's children will incorporate them as honorable traditions in your family for years to come. And I do teach you more about the concept of meaningful traditions in chapter five of this book. Summary finally, remember, death is not a loss. In death our spirits will be made perfect. We'll be free of sin. We'll be finished with the inner war against our flesh that constantly threatens to derail us during our journey in a mortal body. In death we'll be relieved of the pain of this world and granted profound eternal rest and serenity in our souls. In death we'll be taken home to live with our Creator, finally cured of the deep homesickness that the whole human race has even without knowing it. In death we will get to go and be smiling with our Savior Jesus forever. So death is not something you should dread. You may even subconsciously crave it. Heck, Paul was a man who craved death and alluded to his desire to die. Once more we can return to his words in Philippians where he says, for me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose, I cannot tell. I'm hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that's far better. See, we each feel a pull of heaven and yearn for an eternal bliss that goes on far after our bodies have exhaled their last breath. This is what CS Lewis described as a God shaped hole in our hearts, an endless abyss that we can dump more money and fancy cars and bigger homes and exercise and diet and even noble pursuits such as family or charity into, but in an abyss that will never feel complete, satisfying or fulfilling until we have discovered the deep satisfaction and joy that comes from peaceful union with God. Augustine also highlighted a similar idea when he famously wrote, thou has made us for thyself and our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee. An Indian Christian missionary, Sadhu Sundar Singh, writes in his book with and Without Christ in comparison with this big world, the human heart is only a small thing, though the world world is so large it is utterly unable to satisfy this tiny heart. Man's ever groaning soul and its capacities can only be satisfied in the infinite God. As water is restless until it reaches its level, so the soul has no peace until it rests in God. Perhaps the best summation of this God shaped hole in the original concept of it can be found in Blaise Pascal's writings Penses, which are a series of defenses of the Christian religion. In Penses, Pascal says, what else does this craving and this helplessness proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object, in other words, by God Himself. So while wandering this earth during the short time we have here, we can find ultimate peace and fulfillment through union with God, which I recommend you pursue through reading the Bible and following the commandments within it, living your life's purpose to the glory of God in full presence and selfless love for others, believing upon that hero's journey of Jesus I described to you earlier in this book, and incorporating the spiritual disciplines into your life. But the final lasting peace and bliss will come when you exhale your last breath, having lived a life that truly glorified God, and having prepared to leave this planet a better place than it was when you were born into it. At that point, when you pass your death very much can be gained. And on that final exhale I personally plan to say, as Jesus and so many other great martyrs and men of women of God that came after him, said, into thy hands I commit my spirit. Into thy hands I commit my spirit. How about you? Will your death rock this planet? Have you written your own obituary? Do you ever think about regrets you may have when on your deathbed? And finally, if you want to gain a positive perspective on what will happen once you do take that final breath, then keep listening, for it's far more thrilling and exciting than you may have even considered. But in the meantime, for resources, references, links and additional reading and listening material for this chapter, you can visit fitsoulbook chapter 20 that's fitsoulbook.com chapter 20.