100. From The Other Side

Foreign.

To another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. I'm your host, Al. We've got two special guests with us today. We've got Matty Bennett, who did a podcast. We're just chatting then, mate. He did one after our event in Kosciuszko, which was pretty special late last year, and his wife Nicole. Welcome. Welcome, guys. Welcome, Nicole. Thank you for joining us.

G'. Day. Hell.

How you going?

Yeah, great. Great, mate. It's coming up to Easter, so a few. Few days where it's a bit cruisier, I guess, people, but here we are. I appreciate you sharing and giving the time to. For us and for me, I think this is an important message where we're really showing a great level of perspective on Real dad moment, what we're about, how this helps families, and not just families for the father, but families for the mother or wife and for the children. But that's why we have you here, Nicole, and it's going to be a great episode to really get your side of the story and Matt's change. And you've been with us since the start of August last year, Mat. Which has been. What are we up to now? Just about eight months, I guess, isn't it? Or nearly eight months. Yeah, pretty. Pretty amazing. How. How do you feel? I'll start with yourself first, Matt, and then I might ask you a question, Nicole. But, Matt, how do you feel you've improved both in yourself and in the household in that period of time?

Lots. Yeah. Just I guess being there to help out more, do things around the house more, be a, I guess a husband and a father more than I was, you know. So, yeah, I guess being present also is probably huge, you know, not just zoned out, sitting there doing nothing. So, yeah, there's definitely a lot of, I guess a routine or structure in place now. So, you know, where I know what I've got to do every day and. And that's it. There's no negotiable, let's just get up and get the work done. And yeah, that's life. Now.

You've definitely come across, especially inside of Real Dad Movement, showing that level of control and taking ownership over your life, your time. And obviously you've had physical changes, mate, your energy, your attitude, everything. We've seen it in leaps and bounds and you're one of the leaders of the group, hands down in that respect. But yeah, What's. I'd love to ask you, Nicole, what's the biggest change that you've noticed in Matt over the last seven, eight months?

Probably just his involvement in every aspect of our family. Like he was always the outside dad that does the jobs outside and comes home and does what he needs to do, but also wanted to have his time with a beer and sit down. But now it's more he comes home and he'll help us cook dinner. You'll understand with kids and how busy it gets and working full time that everything's a rush and having him help him get dinner ready when we get home or he's put a load of washing on every night before we even get home. And just those little things that I would normally be doing myself. On top of everything else that you do as a working full time mum, plus running kids around to sport and then him also doing his own thing for his own health and wellbeing. I think that's probably been the biggest change that we've seen.

That's incredible. And how has that helped or I guess influenced you inside of your own personal life? Nicole? Having that, that change in support and presence around the house probably just reduced.

My stress levels a little bit. It's always, I felt that it's always been a massive load for us as the mum to do all of the stuff inside the house plus the kids. But having him supporting there, he's willing to take the kids to training when he can and to do those bits and pieces allows me in my job, especially as a teacher, which isn't just a 9 to 3 job, to be able to do that when I get home as well. On top of all the other stuff.

You do as a household, you get on great with my wife Corinne, she's a teacher as well and totally understand it's not a nine or three at all. It's chaotic how much that you actually have to do and how underappreciated it is. That's a little bit frustrating that I've seen Corinne experience. And you're right, we've got three kids at the moment under five and for me coming here is a break. I mean that respectfully with my children, but it really is full time job. When you're looking at serving other people, like being a teacher and then also looking after the household and the kids, it can be pretty stressful and overwhelming and that probably builds over time and over years as well. If it's not nurtured on both sides.

That's right. But it's definitely been a massive change. And his involvement with the kids and being interested in what they're doing and being at their games or their training, you can see it's actually wearing off on them. His work ethic as well. They get out in the yard more wanting to do some more practice of their particular sport because Dad's been out there doing his exercise. So it's been really positive.

Isn't that amazing, too? Like, I look at that sort of planting the seeds. And because not only because Matt's doing that, it's just having a positive influence, but it's also, if it's freeing you up stress and time, you can live how you want to live and have a positive influence on the children your way as well. It's pretty amazing. When I talk about. I'm not sure, you know, obviously we weren't alive 100 years ago, but when I talk about being a real man or real father or husband in the modern world, it's exactly what you described, Nicole. Like, for me, it's not being the big burly bloke who beats his chest and replaces tiles on the roof. It's about being present inside the household and creating a dynamic where we all have a level of masculine and feminine energy inside of us and expressing that in incongruence or connected with our wives. I feel like that's critical to success. Like, my marriage is falling apart when I didn't recognize that five years ago, and when I became a father for the first time. And it's something that I don't know. I'll go to you in a second, Matt. But, Nicole, what do you feel is the biggest challenge when it comes to both husband and wife, when they become parents in the modern world and the chaos that brings? Is it a lack of connection, communication, working as a team? What do you feel is the biggest challenge?

The biggest challenge, I feel like, I guess in today's society, when, especially when both partners have been working and then a child comes along, the focus then goes to the child. And then whether you're working or not working, you kind of lose that connectedness with your partner. Because everything is focused on that child and getting everything else done. There's that one extra thing in the mix. And trying to balance that becomes really difficult. And a lot more people now are working full time. And I think sometimes that relationship that was always there from the beginning, it's the thing that gets put last because everything else is deemed more important because you have to work and then you have to get the kids here and there. And it seems that that kind of falls apart a little bit when things get busy. But I think definitely Matt's change in focus on what is important and the things that kind of go on outside that we always thought were important seem so important anymore. And it's more focused back on our family and having those connections and the communication with each other and with the kids and everyone together, I think has been a massive change for us.

Yeah, that's amazing. And I couldn't agree more. When you have that circumstance of being used to each other's company and then all of a sudden you've got something else which throws a spanner in the works and that gets put to the bottom, it's. It's very hard to adapt to. Like, if someone was, say, for example, and you see it all the time in professional sport, you've got an elite athlete who's at the top of the game and then all of a sudden they have an operation and learning to walk again. And I've had to go through that and it's debilitating because there's such a big chasm, like a big gap between what you're accustomed to and then what you're now exposed to. But, you know, with yourself, Matt, like, what's something that you found was really challenging when you became a father and what's been the greatest change that you've had in what Nicole mentioned, like, focusing on the most important things. I'm not sure if you shared with Nicole our family self and service and some of the key things, but it's. It's pretty powerful having that focus, isn't it, mate?

Yeah. Well, I guess when Lucy came along, I guess there's a massive thing because you're so new, you don't. You've got no idea what lies ahead, really. But I think there's a lot of excitement in that there too. So the focus that you're giving, I guess you don't really realise at first that you are starting to lose that connection a little bit together. Probably more so when. Like, when the second Josh came along. But when Lucy was a baby, I worked two hours away and lived with Nicole's parents. So I used to see them. They used to drive up on the weekend and I used to see Lucy for maybe two hours a week, and I'd done that for a year or so. And then when we discovered that Nicole was pregnant with Josh, I just said, I can't do this anymore. And that's when I first made the decision that the family has to come over. It wasn't money, because I earn more money now doing what I'm doing to what I was doing then, but I was just giving my life away. You know, working. And I had to put a stop to that, you know. So, yeah, that was probably a massive change then. And, you know, I probably didn't do a lot after that. Like, I was always there, as Nicole said. But, you know, if I had the shits and didn't want to be around anyone, then I'd just go to the shed and do whatever I wanted, you know, and just do my thing. Now, as you said, I just. I don't. Like, I hardly go to me shed.

It's.

I've got a massive shed in the backyard and it just sits there full of stuff and I'm not in it anymore. But I realized that I need to be here and I need to be helping and I need to be a part of this family, you know, not just for them, but for me as well. And to have that connection and bond with the family for the rest of our lives, I suppose, you know, where if we let it fade away now, then what sort of relationship am I going to have with them down the track? You know.

It's an important part of life for me as well, mate. You know, I look at my children and it's Lillian's birthday in a couple of days and she's already turning 2. And next thing you know, she'll be 20. And for me, but I guess more stress, pressure, and to a degree, chaos with the children than ever and less time than ever. And my wife's had an operation on her hand. I feel lighter and free than ever because I just focus on the most important thing. And that doesn't mean for me, watching copious amounts of TV or drinking copious amounts of alcohol in each of their own. I know I use those two as examples, but it's because they're pretty commonly accepted to the detriment, not that you can't enjoy it, but to the detriment of what's important in life and what's some of the. Like, Matt, what's one of the main principles in RDM that's helped you realign and focus on what the most important thing is? Has it been our circles of significance? Has it just been the coaching, the mindset? Has it been opening up your perceptions of life? Like, what's been. What was that thing that sort of really helped you dial that in?

Probably that, like getting a structure in place? I suppose. And yeah, like the family self and service is huge, I guess, when you. Because now you can look at that and. And assess when you need those times to be in key areas. You know, as we said, Easter right now. Well, this is family and self but family will be huge over this weekend. You know, this is the time that we, we need to be together and enjoy each other's company and. And I'll still get out and do my walks every day and do what I have to do. But yeah, like I've got mowing to do in the garden. I've got some chores to do. But honestly, if it's. If it doesn't get done, yeah, the yard doesn't look that great. But it is what it is, you know, so you can't stress about it and it'll get done when it gets done.

You know, it's one of the hard parts of life, isn't it? There's so many different distractions that can just throw you. And are they really. When we talk about most important, there's no such thing as priorities or most importance. There's only ever one. And it's a case of what you said over this weekend, family's number one. And yeah, you know, you can do it. The job will get done. But what the worst part is that I guess a lot of us find ourselves in is it's not the time that we lose or that we have to dedicate. It's the capacity inside of our head. There's so many different things that race around instead of realizing what the gift life is and how fast it goes and children absolutely being one of them, as hard as it is for me, it's been the greatest change in who I am than anything. Anything. But Nicole, what are the best changes you've noticed or seen with the kids and yeah, I guess a share there with either Josh or Lucy. I don't know if Matt's showed you but still got Lucy's letter.

And I definitely the biggest change has definitely been with Lucy and probably the way that Matt deals with Lucy. Lucy has a tendency to be like me probably. Yeah. Very strong willed, very beautiful and caring person but has that tendency to be quite dramatic at times. And I think the way that Matt can now cope with that deal with that's been really great for their relationship and it's probably helped to be able to calm her and give her some strategies to try and make sure that she can remain calm when she needs to. I've also seen her probably if we go. We did the mar today fun run and the way that Matt was pushing her along during that run was awesome. Josh is probably the more. That's probably just the typical boy. Just go 100 mile an hour and everything there's no real issues. Whereas, yeah, Lucy definitely thinks about things. And you can see in her mind that she struggles to believe in herself sometimes. But it's been really good to see Matt challenge her and push her and make her understand that she's quite capable of doing things that she wasn't or didn't think she was capable of, which probably Matt would never have done. That was always me doing that, pushing. It's really nice to see him doing that now.

Yeah, that's great. It's something where you look at, like we spoke about planting the seeds. I mean, I'll look at this. This is a very. This is a special letter for me. You know, when I see it, and it is. I think you showed Lucy about it in front of all the other drawings from the kids. It's just great to see this impact. And this has got nothing to do with one parent. It's both of you. Because what this creates is a dynamic for, like you said, Nicole, like, you've been the one pushing and supporting and driving. But to have that takes a bit of pressure off. You know, it allows you time to do you and be you, I guess, as well. Like, these are hats we wear, aren't they? You know, in the career as a teacher or worker or an employee, as a husband or wife, as a mother or father, as a friend, as a daughter. You know, it's hard when we find. And I'd love to get your view on this as well, Nicole. It's hard when we find ourselves, though, wearing all these hats. We start to lose touch with who am I and what's important for me. Like, have you ever found that moving into, you know, 30s, into the 40s, through parenthood, that that can be hard at times to just stop and go, well, who am I? What do I want? What's important for me?

Yeah, definitely. I think it's always. It's a consistent struggle to try. And I find it very hard to put myself first. And I think Matt's doing a really good job to try and push me in that way. I feel like if I put myself first, then something else has to give. Like the kids will then miss out, or my job will miss out, or then things around the home will miss out. But it's been a nice little push for him to show that you can still put yourself first. It might take a few extra hours in the morning or the afternoon. Otherwise, if you don't, then you kind of lose yourself. I guess the old analogy that you can't pour from an empty glass so that's been a nice change to have that support coming from him rather than me just trying to think I need to do it, but I'm not quite sure how. So it's been nice for him to be pushing and saying, you need to find that time for yourself and himself following through and doing that for himself as well.

Yeah, yeah, it's great. Hard to do as well. Like, women and mothers are amazing. Like, the sacrifice they give, it's. It's unbelievable. You know, it really is. But it's challenging too, because as a husband like Matt probably sees and I see with Corinne, it's like, ah, I don't want Corinne to give at the cost of herself because then I'm going to get like, in a selfish way, like, I get less. I know she's going to get less, she's going to be less happier and then the children will ultimately suffer too. But that's a big thing. We talk about, let's be a hundred or like you said, can't pour from an empty cup, let's be more so we can give more. And a lot of that starts with helping ourselves first. And that's a hard stigma to break, Nicole, because I find that the general social constructs of, at least in Australia is, yeah, as parents, we just got to put up, suck it up, good luck. When we told people from all different brackets that were having our first child, they just laughed and said, good luck. I'm like, fuck, man, that's pretty. There's no real rule book online, but that's not really supportive, is it? Then no one could prepare you for it. But, man, that's like, yeah, you don't realize how much it can rock your world when you don't get to take that time out for yourself, Nicole. And then, and then, yeah, you are giving and giving for the kids.

It is difficult, but it's also really rewarding, I guess, as well. But having, I guess, the change in that over the last, what is it, eight or so, 10 months, it's been, you can see that it's actually been. Made it a lot easier to have your finger in every pie and still be able to do everything but still maintain that little sense of self at the same time.

Yeah, absolutely. And you're right, it is very rewarding. I don't say life's something you could probably achieve. Balance. I mean, you can't really break it down in hours. I've got to spend eight hours on this, eight hours on that, eight hours on that. But it is a bit of a Balancing or juggling act. And you know, that's something that when you recognize that and you take that time out for you, it can definitely help the cause. But what's something, I guess just from your viewpoint as well, Nicole, what sort of impact do you think this does have or could have on other fathers, families and, and I guess communities in general, if they adopt this sort of approach and help support the wife more and the husband communicate better, lead the children better, all the moving parts, not that you weren't before, but we can always strive to be more and look after ourselves and our families. That's important. But what sort of impact do you think this would have over time with other fathers and families?

I think in this current society that's so technology driven, I think having that push towards connection with your kids. I know as a teacher you see a lot of kids that really struggle with connection at home. And I think if you could find a way for families to be able to improve that connection, communication, relationship within the home, you're going to have a society and a growing generation of kids that are more confident, more resilient, and probably more ready to go out into the big wide world. And I think even on a, on a wider scale, those general connections in the home play a massive role in the progression of kids as they grow and their resilience and communication skills rather than that reliance on technology, we're seeing so much with kids.

It's a dangerous thing, isn't it? Like, you're investing in other environments with a lot of variable, a lot of variables in place that you don't actually control that can influence you in a negative way. I mean, you're perfect. Ask for this. Being in the education industry and being a teacher yourself, like, what would you, the kids that you would see and not just with smarts, but overall connection, self esteem. Yes. Intelligence or the ability to learn. What would you say would be the gap? Is it that, like, is it the household's not as connected or structured as it should be? Like, if we look at kids that are struggling or misbehaving or bad at school, is it the source? Do you go there and say, well, what's going on with the dynamic with the, with the parents? Or what would you find in your experience?

I think it's a mix. And I think currently, once again, in society, we have a lot of parents that work. Like both parents work, we both work. And that managing time and trying to find that right balance where we can still be able to put kids into sport, instill those good values in them. And technology is an easy way to, I guess, occupy kids these days. It's really hard to pinpoint, I guess, where it stems from, but I think generationally, yeah, technology and that whole double working parent situation can become really difficult for families to try and have that manage and that balance across the board to find that mix where kids can thrive.

Yeah. And that's where, I mean, Matt, you know, in the group, I hammer home about it all the time. Like the value of time, you know, it's so short. What can we do with it? How can we have the highest impact with it? Because, yeah, you know, most families have both parents working and there's stress. There's always boxes that need to be ticked. With sport, with school, with home, with the household, with the daily running the daily chores and trying to keep together as a family. You know, I don't feel like I'm boring, but I don't go out and do things that are going to cost the family. You know, it's something where. Well, for me, it's my immediate family, It's. It's rdm and then it's keeping healthy myself. They're the three things that matter in life. But, you know, I couldn't agree more with that, Nicole. It's a case of what we see in a lot of the stress, a lot of the times is really lacking that connection. That was the first point you made, because time is limited most of the time. Yeah. Not to. Yeah. Not to use a play on words there, but. But it really is, because you see that with school and with working and they're trying to maintain who you are. Well, Matt, what do you. I mean, that being said, if we cross over to see that this is something that is possible for other people to have, and when I say other people have, what I'm talking about in having is, to be bluntly, get their shit together and invest in themselves. Have more energy, have more time and really be a true leader and help nurture and nourish and support their wife to be the woman that she wants to be as well. And we've seen this carry over to other people. You've seen fathers in rdm, but your best man at your wedding, Adrian, who's a member of the crew now, what have you noticed in him? And his life changed that since he's an interesting one. I mean, it'd be great to get Adrian on at some stage because he joined through you. Whereas most of the people that I connect with are through paid advertising and referrals, but never A best man, you know, it's. You'll see a lot of people where the best man. It's sort of like some of them drift over. A lot do, actually, when. As life goes on. But what have you noticed with Adrian, mate, since he's come on board? And I guess the changes of someone who's close to you but outside of your family, household.

It's funny because tomorrow we got friends coming over to organize our Uluru trip that we're doing this year and they haven't seen Adrian since Christmas when we went camping and I said to Nicole, I said, they're just gonna go, holy shit. Like, who is this guy? You know, to lose 12 kilos in three months and to do what he's doing is just amazing. Like, it's. And I guess when you look back at it now, I guess that was the push that he needed to get back into life, you know, so, you know, not to. I guess we think we're doing anything wrong until we get woken up and be made aware that there's so much more we can do. And you're right, like, Adrian and I were pretty close in our teenage, I guess, 20s, and then, yeah, drifted. We've always, as families, been camping, but our connection probably wasn't as strong as it could have been for years. And now on the phone, probably once a week, you know, we organise these local catch up with guys and do our walks and it's just amazing. And I know that with a little bit of effort, we probably not. We could have always maybe had that. But now's a great time to enhance that and be there to encourage him and support him and all the other guys to, you know, to show that really it's not that hard to just grab life by the balls, I suppose, and get into it and start enjoying life a lot more. You know.

That'S an amazing ripple effect as well that we see. And you're right, it's never that I didn't judge people, it's just an observation of my own life and others around me to go, well, if we're here now and we've reached this level of who we are, what's going to hurt? What's it going to cost us by trying to improve 1% and just build our life out across family, self and service. I don't know. It's not that I'm addicted to growth by any means, but it's a case of, I guess, looking at the alternative. What would you say, Matt? And then I'll ask you the same, Nicole. What I've got here, what is the alternative if you just stay the same over the course of your life? Are you pondering the would of, should haves, could ofs, the what ifs? Or do things then stagnate and get worse, like with, with connection, with communication with yourself, value, self worth? Like, what are you saying, in your opinion, mate? You know, I mean, one of our members, he works and looks after three nursing homes and there's rarely a good story from them, you know, it's like it's too late. They look over, they're 75, 85, 87, and it's. He says there's so many different lines of regret that they hold and they carry through. And that's one thing I never want to have, you know, really to that degree, a long term level of regret. But what do you say, mate, if someone doesn't do that and seek that growth and change to continually improve and experience life how they can?

Yeah.

Surely there's got to be some regret, you know, like even I can be honest and say that, you know, like, I guess if you look into the future, you can see that I was probably becoming my father, you know, and nothing against him, he's had a great life. He worked hard, you know, the only one that worked in our family and supported us while mum stayed at home and looked after us. But you know, honestly, they'll admit that if he hasn't got anything to do all day, he sits in the chair all day and does nothing, you know, and I, and that's the road I was going down, you know, so I guess to be more aware and woken up to the fact that do I, if I keep sitting in that chair, having excessive alcohol, eating bad food, not doing any activities in life, like the life at the end is not going to be very exciting at all, is it? You know, like you're going to be at the doctor's regularly, all that, you're going to have to have all these checks done. You just, you know, that's within that. In the years that you're supposed to be enjoying the best parts of your life with grandkids and your kids and doing all that, you know, are you really enjoying it or are you suffering in silence? You know, it's.

Yeah, great points, mate. What are your thoughts with that as well, Nicole?

I think that I guess we don't feel very old, but you kind of sit back and think, well, we're sort of moving into that point in life where you need to start thinking about your health and, and if you don't make these changes for health, wellbeing and relationships now, then I guess that path later becomes a lot more difficult. As Matt said in the future years, you want to be able to enjoy that time with your kids as they get older and eventually if they decide to have children and still be a very active part in their life. And if you can't, then do you sit there and go, well, I wish I had or I could have and have those regrets about not living life to the fullest and being able to push boundaries and strive to achieve things and even sometimes failing, but knowing that at least you've given things a go and that you've done the best that you can to have a good and fulfilling life, compared to sitting back there, you said in the nursing home and going, I wish I'd done things differently, but you can't do anything about it at that time. So I think, yeah, it's very important to, to be in life. I guess it's not. You can. Time goes so fast now and if you don't make that, that effort to, to be present, then it just flies by and you miss it.

Yeah, absolutely. I love that saying too. You know, at least I had a go. Like, that's. Yeah. And then for us, having a go is. Is what we see our children do. It's search, experiment, discover. Like, you can't. I've learned so many things from my kids, way more than I'm probably teaching them, and they learn a bulk of various things in life in the first five to seven years. But, yeah, that's it. If we can put our hand up and say, I had a great crack at life. And what that includes is not limiting the scope of what's possible and isolating myself and just doing the same thing. It's actually searching and discovering, continuing the journey. What have you got to lose? You will find opportunities just like we found each other, Matt, and like RDM's found me. And just what, what can come about from that in building relationships and connection. And it's not that I'm wishing my life away, but I can't wait to be a fit grandfather. Like, man, I'm going to cause havoc. My kids have given me. I've got no sleep. Stella was three and a half years before she slept through it. I'm like, man, you wait, I'm going to catch you. Oh, man, it's going to be amazing. But yeah, the hard part, I see with a lot of the stats with most families where there's divorce in the late 40s the hard part is people. When you see people just throw their hands in the air. I'm not saying all divorces are bad, awkward and people should stay together forever just because. But when I see that and I see the stats that a lot of the times, especially with clients, ex clients, where it's throwing the hands in the air, or, mate, she was this or he was that, and it's like, well, to me, if they haven't gone back 15 years, in their 30s or in their early 40s and sorted their shit out and got themselves together and tried and exhausted, every option, starting with health and wellbeing, which affects your mental health, and communication, supporting your wife and vice versa, they're lying like that. That's. I know it seems like a black and white and a hard road, but if you throw your hands up saying, there's nothing I could do, it's like, well, no, you're a liar. Because if you look back and you went to the pub every fucking night. Excuse, sorry for swearing, Nicole, but I just. I get a bit about this because I'm like, man, this is bullshit. If you go back 10 years and you're getting on the piss all the time, all you did is watch tv, you never spoke or communicated with your wife properly, you didn't take your kids out, you didn't stand up. And I'm just talking as. Not a generalization because this is very specific for a lot of people, and I'm not saying with both of you, but we see it when they don't actually get themselves together and have a proper crack or have a go at life. Well, of course that's going to be the outcome like that. That's just a byproduct. Why wouldn't it be? It's like compound investments in anything in life where you're going to go and focus your energy will become your reality.

But.

Like I said at the start, this is a very important episode for, I think a lot of fathers who will be listening to this and. And potentially I can listen to this and apply it to supporting their wives as well and opening up that line of communication and what the next stage looks like. But what would be your advice, Nicole, to a father or a man listening to this in not just what Matt's gone through in his journey, how it's affected you, your stance and position on life as we enter the second half? And what would be your advice for a man or father, for himself and for him in relation to his wife?

Oh, look, I think that if you can. That's hard to answer. If you can put a bit of extra time into that relationship and improving yourself, I think it then will tenfold work its way down to every other aspect of your life. I guess the old analogy where the bloke goes and earns the money and the women look after the house is very much old school, but it's still very much current in a lot of males minds. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing because obviously times have changed though. But I think if being involved with everything that's going on within your household gives you a better relationship with your wife, therefore your relationship with your kids generally becomes a bit smoother and more pleasant and more positive. And I guess if we get those positive reinforcements in life, you're only going to want to keep doing things and things just keep getting better. So I guess if you can start to make that change, start to remember that you're just, you're 50% of that parent group in that family, that the kids want to spend time with you as much as they want to spend time with their mum and sometimes more because generally they spend more time with mum. It's really going to be a massive positive change for you and I guess positive grows positive, so it's always going to be a benefit.

Everything's positive though. The vibe, the vibe in the house, like, you know, I say, I say now don't, don't come out of there with anything negative. We don't need that here right now. Like we want positive.

I think he's more the calm one in the house now, which is a bit of a change.

But it's, it's. Right, it's, it's a huge, it's noticeably different, you know.

Yeah.

And I guess all it takes is for you to want to do it. Like you can give up. Like you were saying with divorce and everything. Like, you know, you see people that just throw their hands in the air and she's a whatever and he's a whatever and. But it takes a lot of hard work to, for us to be together and to respect each other and help each other out the same as what you and your wife do, you know, like, it's not always easy in roses. Hey. Like we've had our tough times, you know, but in the last eight months it's definitely got better and it's going to continue to get better and we want to be together for the rest of our lives. That's why we got married in the first place.

Yeah, great point as well. People forget that Quickly, don't they? And I guess the big takeaway I got from what you shared as well, Nicole, was, well, for me, it was presence. Like, if you're a father and you're more present in the household, of course you can be there more and support your wife and take. Take the light off and help out. And sometimes that's something as simple, which I'm aware of. I wasn't at the start, obviously, Krina be saying, oh, what do you want for dinner? And I'd be like, I don't care, whatever, I'm easy. And everyone just throws their hands in the air. But it's like, well, hang on, let's look at her from her side of things. She values my input. This is a line of connection to ask a question. And I'm just dismissing giving her either attention or value to the question by saying, oh, whatever. And it's not that, like I said, some of the old school values might still be there in some ways, like, I am stronger, more physically competent to do some things that are required around the house that Corinne doesn't necessarily have to do, especially with where she's at at the moment with her hand. And she's pretty good from a cesarean now. But there are physical things where I have the power and ability to do it, so why wouldn't I? That makes sense. That's efficiency. But something as simple as answering and going, I wouldn't mind making some homemade burgers or, I know you enjoy Mexican. Why don't we do? And this is what opens up such a simple dialogue of connection that people just don't understand. I've worked all day. I don't have time to think. It's like what you're saying to your wife is, well, I actually don't value what you've asked me and the energy you're putting out there. So you make the decision. And I've seen that so many times in a lot of my friends in their relationship, where it's not that the woman becomes masculine, it's just that it becomes a lack of a balance of energy between the two. Because it's like on top of everything else, she has to create more space in air to make more decisions, when really it is a flow of working together as a team. Would that be a fair. Like, what do you feel with that, Nicole?

Yeah, I think, and I think, as you said, just answering simple questions. I think it's even taking that next step and just having really asking simple questions of the wife and kids to have that open dialogue. I know, Matt now asks the kids every night what was the best part about your day? And then that opens up, that's just around the dinner table and that opens up a massive communication where I've had that half an hour in the car or sometimes two or three hours in the car with them driving to and from trainings where we. I've heard about their day seven times over. But sometimes Matt doesn't even get a chance to know that, oh well, Josh did this day or Lucy did this today. So that one question at the dinner table gives him that chance to make that connection with the kids where in the past it would be, eat your dinner. All right now, teeth, bed and off to the bed. We're going to watch tv. But now it's very much that communication. There's some time for him to find out what's going on in their life. They have a chance to go, yep, this was good, but nah, this happened today and I don't know what to do about it. It's been really nice to have that little dialogue happening at the dinner table as well, which wasn't really there before without me prompting. So, kids, tell dad what your day was today. Yeah, it's been nice to come from him and him having that interest and getting more from them because of it.

Yeah, yeah, that's great. That's great. And I really enjoy that share there because they're the simple things that create the difference, aren't they? People think it's something so super complex. It's like. Well, no, it's just being open, transparent and present with your family. But what are some key things you can see, Matt, moving forward in your own life, whether it's, whether it's challenges you want to take on or adjustments or key things you're doing now and you want to keep tweaking, I guess, you know, to give a bit of a roadmap.

Oh yeah, there's definitely. I definitely want to physically get a bit fitter.

And.

But not only that, like the journal that we're doing like that, writing things down and getting a bit of a plan. Like in the last year or so, Nicole and I started to plan out a bit of a financial thing with our life and our money and so I guess it'd be nice to start to do that with other areas of the life and as I said to you the other night, like the three year goals and that kind of. I guess I look at it now and I, and honestly I think I tell myself it's too hard, but I just need to just chip away at it and slowly write things down and get there. But yeah, that'll just to be able to write down some things and look back and reflect over, you know, past things and see how far you actually have come. Because before now, like, I can say, yeah, I've achieved a lot, but I don't really, you know, if somebody asked me five things, I might not even be able to answer it because it's happened and it's in the past and you forget and because other things are going on. So.

Yeah, and with the three goals and those sorts of things, like even if you don't hit them, you know, it's the pursuit of the energy you apply to things that you love and find meaning and fulfillment with, you know. You know, I talk about the RDM ranch. That's a big goal of mine, to get by 2025 and push hard for that. But. But ultimately it's the energy and the journey and the experiences that when I'm focusing on that a little bit, I pull it right back, strip it back. Just like in those journals to what's this month look like? How can I actually be a better. How can I be a better husband today? Like, it's Wednesday the 7th of April. Okay, what can I do? What are my K3? What's my number one thing? Give Corinne a neck rub because her neck and her shoulders are tight from carrying Roman and she's got a busted hand. No worries. What's number two? Pick up the kids from school and spend the afternoon with it. Like you can. All that long term fulfillment can actually come back and be stripped right back to the now and what you can do, which is a powerful thing, mate. It really is. But I think with setting those goals and then peeling them back, there's a lot of opportunity to look inside and find the most important thing. What we've spoken about with this episode and having focus and presence in families. But you know, it's something where I've really enjoyed this episode and I think a lot of people got a lot of value out of it, but a lot of people need to hear it as well from both the mother and the father on where life is, where it can be, where it'll be if you don't open up or if you don't create change and ultimately sharing stories like what you guys have in your personal experiences. I appreciate you coming on as well, Nicole. It's been awesome having you. Is there anything else that you wanted to add or add in or, or share with our listeners or Watchers, as.

We wrap this up, I just think it's been. You don't realise how much one decision can change the whole dynamic of I guess of a family. And him making that change to join rdm, which I was sceptical about at the start, has definitely been that massive positive change. He's always been one to do a six week challenge here or a eight weeks of this or I'm not drinking during the week this week and it's always been very stop start and sporadic but stuck to it. And it's definitely shown in his health, his wellbeing and his, in his personal, I guess, attitude just towards life in general and the kids. So one decision or one, I guess taking a leap of faith once can have those massive benefits in the end.

Yeah, I appreciate that. It's been an amazing journey and it's been great to hear and see how this has helped you and the family and the kids. And like I said, yeah, this. Yeah, I'll never get rid of this one. It's a very, very special letter from Lucy and just like when I'm looking at this and the language like we're talking about planting the seeds, he's changed your deposit person and turned me into the best person I can be. He's come so far like to have that from Lucy, 11 when she wrote.

This, 12 on Tuesday.

Yeah. So when she wrote that late last year, like that's that kind of exposure and stimulus in mindset, overcoming adversity. Little voice inside. Stuff that we've spoken about, Matt, that you've shared, that's huge for children and I do appreciate because obviously the initial connection, I mean I've met Matt in person but the initial connection is online. It's hard out there because there's a lot of skepticism. People aren't sure. Some people think that I'm sitting on an island in Fiji just writing emails on a laptop. It's crazy, right? But there's a lot out there. There are a lot of. In all industries, not just health and wellness. But I really appreciate both of you joining me today and sharing your story. And Matt, I appreciate you reaching out, mate. This is something where for me it's hard and heavy because of the volume of phone calls I've had and how many fathers can actually create these changes in their life but they don't take that step. And for me it's always like, why to just. And there's times where I don't understand because I don't want to and there's times when I do you know, we self sabotage and we can become our worst critic or enemy and that comes to a lack of belief. Like, they need to believe in me, sure, but they need to believe in themselves. And quick credit to you, mate, for rising up and taking that step and obviously having the right support in Nicole otherwise, because I've seen so many, so many men not take that step. Because I guess to put it bluntly, the wife's put the foot down, you know, and he hasn't done it. It's like, oh, man, it's, you know, yeah, this is what happened.

And I guess that. And as we talk about money, like it, I guess that's a it. Honestly, I think that's the first thing that triggers alarm bells in people's heads. They just go, oh, Jesus, I don't know if I can commit that much money to something, you know, but now to look back at it and as we've said time before, would you still have that money today? Would it be in the bank? Would you have saved it? No, you would have wasted it on something unvaluable that you can't look back and say that it's done anything for your life. Where at least we can honestly say that it was a lot and we've had to change some structures in our life to make this happen. But was it worth it? Yes, it was worth it. And it will continue to, I guess to be valuable and worth it in my life forever, you know, because of, because of taking that one, that one leap, you know.

You'Re paying yourself. Like, this is what I explain to people on the vessel from which you're actually paying to become the version of who you want to become in your life. Like it's, it's, it's, it's an energy exchange. Like you want to talk about material money and cash. You're showing one line, there's many, one line of commitment as well, to pay yourself and use me and us as the vessel where there is no stone unturned. You can see that we cover all areas of your life. And you also know, I mean, we haven't gone into specifics in this episode, but there's a tiered approach and there's members for life and there's fathers don't pay anymore and they're part of the crew. This is the process of actually helping fathers and families win the second half in a genuine way. Where, you know what? We build that commitment. We get the runs on the board and then we continue to, I say optimize, but we continue to level up in life. And that takes a long journey. Not a six week challenge like what Nicole's mentioning, or I'm just going to give this up for this week or that for that week. It's like it's all energy exchange. If you're going to commit to that and go all in with the foundations we have, you can say it, Matt. How can you lose? I don't know. Like, it doesn't. That's a guarantee. Like I give a personal guarantee, man to man. Like, if you did everything we say and follow through on, you don't get results. I give them all of their money back. That's a given. Like, it's because we know what we do works.

That's right, it does. You can't if you're willing to put in and not even probably that much effort, but if you're willing to put it in, it's there. The proof's there. Hey.

Yeah, it really is. And again, thanks. Thanks for jumping on today. It's been an awesome episode. One of my favorites, actually, because it's just a. I mean, some of mine, not that I'm a big swearer, Nicole, but I do drop the occasional F bomb. Matt knows that. And a lot of my personal episodes, they are pretty fiery. But this has just been a really good reflective one for me to see both sides and see the role this plays. I don't coach my wife and I don't look at my wife from a third eye view. I'm in that relationship. So to actually have a look and see how this affects other families and not just hear it from Matt, but see it from his wife as well, I think it's very special. So thank you for coming on.

No worries.

Yeah, no worries.

It's been great.

Yeah, it's been a great episode. Thanks. I hope you guys enjoyed listening to this or watching this and tune in for more episodes where we dive into how this can really help with not just your life but your family's and have that ripple effect.