296. Al's Insights #17

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Good morning, Vietnam, fellas. Al's Insights, short, sharp. Got 4 absolute crackers for you today. And, uh, just before I dive into this, I really want to highlight the last episode that, uh, that we did, Why Men Aren't Happy. And, and essentially you could expand that to a universal truth for all, right? So I mean, look at your, your son, he's 15, 16, trying to carve his way in the world. And do you see him operating with those 7 core pillars? Like, it's a, it's interesting when you look at, you know, titles or, or themes or blurbs or hooks, I guess, you know, when you, when you're looking at, at, um, capturing the audience, right? And when I say Why Men Aren't Happy, we could easily reshape that title to, hey, here's, here's the formula, man, to, to absolutely dominate what stands in your way and to build a life where you'll seldom miss. And that's, you know, just, just like the HPF tenets. So it's looking at both sides. Um, But also a lot of the times I find guys like we connect, we connect in the pain, or we can, we can relate to, to the, the discomfort in our life a lot easier. Um, it's easy to see because you're experiencing it, right? I just, I just want to put that out there for you all. You know, it's easy to talk about why we're unhappy because a lot of the times it's easy to fall into that state because you've experienced it or you are experiencing it, as opposed to going, well, let's look at this and painting this grand vision, which is so simple. Um, at the core, but a vision that no matter how well I can communicate it, you just can't see it. And I've seen that before over time too, you know. Um, and that would be, you know, it's, it's my favorite drawing. It's so simple. It's, you draw a stickman bottom left, you draw this squiggly line that's, it's, you know, jagged and rigid up to the top right. There's your mountain. You draw a little flag at the top. Um, you draw a man smiling at the top. So there's you at the bottom, you're at the top of your mountain. And it's like, okay, where are you now? Where do you want to get to? What's the path? How are you going to get there? What stands in your way? Who are you going to be traveling with? And what if you don't walk this path? Like that, I'm telling you, man, like, you know, this isn't a coaching company thing. This is life. It's so simple, man. Where are you now?

Okay.

Where do you want to get to? Cool. What stands in your way?

All right.

Well, what is the actual path? Um, in no particular order as well. But if I started with going, hey, what do you want out of life, man? Talk, talk me through the most greatest thing. A lot of the times It'll be, well, I just don't want this, or I don't want to experience that anymore, or I don't want to feel this way, or I don't want to have that type of relationship, you know. And, and, um, and that's a natural part of being human. One, because, you know, we're naturally wired that way for survival, but two, because, uh, we spend a reasonable portion of our life in that position where we're, we're fighting, we're struggling, we're pushing, we're striving for more, we're failing, we're getting back up. And so firstly, credit to all of you men listening to this because It takes a hell of a lot of resilience to keep going in life with the desire to keep growing in life. You know, that's one of my favorite terms. Um, I've been saying for a little while now, keep going and growing. Uh, but 2, understand there's nothing wrong with you if you err on the side of the, the, the negative, or you find you connect to, to things more on that side of things, as opposed to looking at the optimism or positive side. It doesn't make you a negative Nancy or a victim. It's just a a real direct way to connect with someone. I mean, have you experienced happiness before? Of course you have, you know, but if I were to say to you, hey man, do you find more often than not you feel like you're in a bit of a grind and there's this, it's, it's not that you're unhappy, but happiness is absent from your life? Well, yeah, I do, Al, because I just don't have time to scratch my ass, mate. And I'm doing this, this, this, and this. Yeah, cool. Of course. So this is the treadmill that you're on. And then these are the byproducts of that treadmill and where you may be lacking either internally or externally in relationships and outcomes. And these are also So the threats, let me contextualize this and pull together a framework for you called pillars. And let me walk through these 7 pillars and invert those pillars so you've got the what-to-dos and the what-not-to-dos, the how-to approach and mental attitude approach in this area and how not to be. And when you see it, fellas, when it's all said and done, it's pretty simple, right? Meaning versus drift, progress versus stagnation. These are things— gratitude. First comparison, pretty simple stuff. Let's crack on into Al's insights. First one, are you building— I look at, I look at, I look at the word family, right? And it's like, what, what is family? And I know this sounds, that sounds so, so silly, but it's like, but when you talk about building a family, that's a very common term you'd hear, like build, building a family, or like, are you building a family or is family And I picked this up from Roozy. I love that podcast with him, and he did an awesome session on the Inside with HPF, um, a few weeks ago. Well, you're building a culture, you know. It's not that you have to treat your family like the Sydney Swans, or you have to treat your family like HPF, but, but there are absolutely correlations between the two in how to behave and perform for what you would deem as progress and success. side of the household. Why would that be any different? Uh, you know, and, um, I'm looking forward to bringing Corinne on for an episode soon. I think we're going to save it for episode 300. She's, um, and then apparently she thinks she's going to be taking over the podcast and getting other mums on as guests, but we'll see how we go. I've got to keep her out of this computer room. So are you actually building a family? Like, what is a family? Families are some of the people that, okay, cool. Is it just that though? Like, they are my family, or can you just go a little bit deeper with this and go, well, family. Might not so much be bound by blood, albeit, yeah, of course you've got extended family, the roof you grew up with versus the roof of people you have under you now, that's completely different. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe your parents are living back with you and you're looking after them. You know, maybe some of the people under your roof aren't bound by blood, right? And so it's looking and going, all right, cool.

I get that.

Look, obviously we know what a family is, but it's like, what are you building though? Because if a family is just a collective of people under your roof who you're closely associated and tied to. There's nothing to build, mate. It's like, what are you building? They're growing as long as you feed them and, um, and, you know, ensure that they're not in life-threatening situations, they'll stay alive. What do you actually, are you building a family or, because you hear that term, I want to build a family. I want to build a family. Yep. Cool. But I still use that term. I've already got 4 kids, not having any more. Um, you know, so. When we, when we look at, I guess, your desire towards your family, it's not so much, hey, I want more people in my house. It's, this is how I would love my home to operate. This is what I desire when I come home from work. This is what I desire in the humans that I'm responsible for in their growth and development, be it school, sports, um, you, you working with them. I know some, you know, on, on personal development. I know it's a fair few of our members who share these podcasts and I'm, I'm working on the, working on the swears. Not that it's a problem. I could do a whole episode without swears and I've proven that, but Uh, yeah, I think there's, there are some conversations here, men, that are just for you. All of them are just for you, but they shouldn't necessarily be shared with your children and wife. And there are others that would be very valuable to share the insights of what we think and, and live and breathe and how we operate as men that it's, it's too hard for them to understand when it comes straight from your mouth. Uh, but from others, you know, you hear that old saying, like you teach your kids something and they never listen. They come home one day and tell you the teacher taught them something. You said, I told you that 3 years ago. It's quite funny. Sometimes that's the case as well. Um, so wives, if you're listening to this, more honey and handsome time with your husband. All right. So getting back into this, your family is culture, man. Like it's, yes, it's the people that are closest to you. And, and even if they're not living under your roof, cool. You know, I consider the employees of HPF family. All right. So I know it can be a very broad brushstroke. Or it can be something super intimate and tight to a husband, a father, and, and their single child, right? But what you are actually building is culture. Your family and how they operate, who they choose to see themselves as, who they choose to see you and each other as, and how they join the dots with daily living across the fundamentals of surviving as a human being, looking after self, nourish the body, move the body, you know, obviously looking after self with bathing and brushing your teeth and all the things that that become the, the monostructural parts of your day. I'm going to do this, or I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, and they're repetitive, as well as seeking more together. It's, it's all culture, man. And culture starts with the chief, and that's you. It's got to be you. And that doesn't mean your wife can't be a chiefess or can't lead. Of course she does. And you hear this from, uh, I heard this from a book that one of the members, um, Brought up and, uh, you know, it's, it's the, my wife's the manager and I'm the leader of the house. So, you know, so they're 2 different types of leadership, both important, right?

And that's great.

And that's not just to pigeonhole either a man or a woman, but essentially that's how my household runs as well. My wife's got heaps of pull, um, in, in the household and makes plenty of decisions and leads and so on and so forth. However, hard to manage. And have a vision at the same time. I'm not saying manage and lead. Management is a form of leadership, but it's hard to be in a managerial mode where if you're talking manager, at best you're up on the mountain. You're up on the mountain, you're down on the battlefield. You're up on the mountain. Let's have a quick look. Go there, that direction. You're back on the battlefield with your children or your people. All right, we're going in this direction. You go back up the mountain or you climb up on the tree, climb down from the tree. The bush is easier that way. Carve through there. Get your machetes out. Let's go this direction. Like, Management is, is as much, uh, you know, a compass for the family unit on how to operate day to day. Like I said, with those, I don't know, structural or not, it's probably not the word, but just those repeatable things that make up life. You know, everyone dreams about the piña coladas on the beach, but that's like 0.001% of your life. It's how am I living every single day and living and loving with those around me? And that's what I love about the tenets. You've got, you've got a true north to, to follow. Um, They're more often than not put in a position to do all of the mundane and repeatable things with those around you you see so much in, in an invigorated and, and not necessarily intense, but in, in a loving, connected way that is not desensitized or taken for granted. Because I've seen my wife, um, you know, almost every single day for the last 7,000 days, right? 20— what would it be, 2003? 23 years entering our 24th, you know. So, so that's That's why there are different types of leadership and that's why I honor women and men. And that's also why I do believe women and men are absolutely different. You know, and I mean, it's not here to say there's 2 genders. We already know that. I'm wasting your time by discussing that stuff. But yeah, of course it's a case of going, well, if I'm looking at culture and it's got to start with me, how can you drive the best culture? Well, purpose. Where are you looking forward to? What does that look like? Even with my wife, like what, start with the end in mind. What does she want to desire at the end of this year? What does success look like?

What does it feel like?

Start with the the feels with those that are more emotionally wired, women and children. How do you want to feel when you look back on 2028 and go, hey, 2 years has passed since this day we had this conversation and this is what I've experienced. This is how I feel. Like culture more often than not is something that's driven off purpose. And if you don't weigh in, you don't buy in, which is why it's important starting with you that you use both your emotion and logic to get that input with others. I'll do an episode on this soon. So I've built like the Renieri Code. Um, which I really like. And there's, there's a code and then there's standards, there's best practices and values. And I'm, I'm working, I'm just shaping up. It's not, it's not meaty. It's not too meaty, but I just want to, I just want to, I just want to polish it up a bit more. Like I like, I like my round one or my, my draft or my, my MVPs, my minimum viable products to be of a high quality, you know? Um, I don't like just throwing everything out there. I want to work on it. I want to criticize it first. I want to put it to test. And it's a lot of the stuff I'm already doing with my family, but it's just really solidifying, um, what, what we stand for and the direction we want to head in, really solidifying our culture, which requires— it's not a nice to have, it requires my children and my wife to have buy-in on. Um, otherwise I'm just dictating terms and here's some pieces of paper that we're all doing because I said so, you know. So, um, Culture's massive for me. And, you know, as I say, when people reference HPF as a cult, you can't spell culture without cult, right? But no, but, but all seriousness aside, when we look at cultures, even in a cult setting, it's, it's typically driven top-down. I wouldn't say leadership, but top-down. Well, tyranny with a sense of fear, uh, and, and making people inside of their cohort less than and, and driving that. stake through the heart so they have no other choice and, and, and numbing the minds. They have no other options or thought other than I'm nothing without this. And, and, and I must, I must be here and, and do, do what I'm told to the detriment, you know? And then, but anyway, not to dive into that, but it's like, yeah, like when you look at culture, it's all, all throughout the world. And, and I remember seeing this beautifully. I can't remember what it was, but in nutshell, something like the definition of culture is a set of beliefs, behaviors, and values that are agreed upon and acted upon. Accordingly, something like that, which makes sense. So just wrapping up, I want you to think about that. Like, are you building a family or building a culture? And if so, what does that look like for you? Who's involved? Is there buying because there was weighing? And do you realize that it has to be you that kicks this off as the chief and those slight little navigations, even things like marriage and there's distress and disharmony in the phone, a lot in the home, a lot of the men will say, well, you know, what do I do to fix this? Like, well, Nothing. I was like, I'm the fix, man. You just need to lead by example. All of a sudden the wife is watching this meal prep and the kids join dad on walks every now and then. And then the special time starts to become a scheduled thing where you're having one-on-one time with your kids and filling their buckets of parent attention. They're excited. They love it. And they start discussing things you otherwise wouldn't. And this trust just starts to expand. And then. Your wife starts to do workouts with you and then she starts to show you more affection. And like, it's, it's you doing you, man. But, but the you that you do when we talk about be 100 and give 100 is to give, not store, not keep, not conceal. To be the prize is be the prize for your family. You can't be the prize for yourself. That doesn't make sense. What are you going to fucking split yourself into half? You're like 2 different entities. Like the prize is a source of value, right? Through, through becoming more. You will always be in a position to provide and give more and or give better. It's not just sitting on that word more. Well, I already give them so much. Yeah, yeah, but what's the quality, man? So understand that, gents, you are building a culture and the family is building a culture, right? It's not just you, but it's got to start with you. Next one. Many, this actually goes really well together. Many men choose harmony Over truth. We talk about this, um, and I've mentioned this before, uh, you know, from, from some of Lencioni's work, but many men choose harmony over truth. And you would know that, right? You could be the most powerful Viking at work and you come home and it's not the— I don't need to say those words like, you know, you, you, you're a bitch or a pussy or blah, blah, you got no balls. It's, it's, it's not necessarily true. It's, it's sometimes it is, but more often than not, it's that there's a skill gap. There's a lack of capacity or energy. Um, there's a lack of know-how to combine the two. be in a position where it's not just a skill on handling your wife or energy to, to smother her and, um, with, with your arguments of conviction, but you know how to maintain harmony in the household where those do feel heard and understood, but not let harmony come at the chronic cost of truth. And that, that's where things fall down, you know. And, um, and, and that's— I spoke about this in, uh, podcast episode 277. It was a bit ballsy, but I spoke about fear, fearing Um, losing your wife, right? All decisions based— we all experience fear, but all decisions that you commit to and follow through on that are driven or based on fear, nothing good ever comes from them. And I said something along the lines of, if you fear losing your wife, you'll value her so much you'll lose yourself. Now, you could, you, you could try hard to take that out of context, but it won't work. But I'm not saying value your wives less. I'm just saying if you fear losing her, You're focusing on the wrong thing, man. You're saying yes to the fear of loss. And if there's a fear of loss in your wife, that means there must be a lack somewhere, which means you're acknowledging— and look, none of us are perfect— but you're acknowledging that you are not enough, and you're making her greater than in a way that she doesn't even want. Like, that's the craziest part. You want to serve your queen? Serve her by being the strong, powerful leader that, that commands a household when necessary, and also commits to a loving Panda nature to connect emotionally and have deep loving interactions. Not someone who's like, hey, please don't leave me. I need you, man. Just stay, stay, stay. It's like, mate, you know, it's, it's, it's not, it's not great. It becomes a, it becomes burdensome if that's a word. You become a burden towards her or anyone. Imagine if I did that to the children, man. Of course I love my kids. My world would be destroyed without them. That's how I feel right now. However, it's like. How I, how I honor that is by operating from a position of strength and leadership. So a lot of men will be doing this where they're just choosing harmony. They're avoiding the tough conversation. They're accepting, even though it's not the wife's fault. I'm not calling women out. I'm calling you forward to choose truth. But even though your wife might be in an emotional state, she says 2 things that contradict each other. One this morning, one this afternoon, one this evening versus one 3 days ago, and you don't spot her up on that. Now, I pick and choose my moments, but the moments are very small and nil. I'm not here to pull apart my wife's words all the time. I've got a pretty good memory, but there's being right and doing the right thing. The problem is if you're always choosing harmony over truth, you're doing neither. So I can be right And pull apart my wife's words all the time because this is, this is what I've learned to do in business. Focus on facts, numbers, data. I've developed my memory, so on and so forth, and be more logically wired. How's that going to help the relationship? But I will say 8 out of the 10 times, could be a bit less. We'll see what she has to say in a few episodes, but more often than not, uh, I will not pull her up, but I'll say, hey, just need you to clarify something. What you said then doesn't make sense versus what you said then, or how you're acting now doesn't align with what you said then, or what you're believing here is different to how you're acting there. So whether you're exhausted, work, skill gap, family, you know, it's, it's, it's a collective of too tired across your mental bandwidth as well as your physical energy, as well as not having time because you're working all the time, you've got the kids, and yeah, welcome, man.

Welcome.

Welcome to the big show. Myself included, hand up. Like we're, we're all at risk of that. But if you continue to choose harmony over truth, you will fall down and things will fall apart. So here's my one-liner for you. Many men choose harmony over truth and harmony without. So it's not harm. You can have harmony and truth, but sometimes there's a bit of time in between, right? There's a bit of truth, there's conflict, dust settles, there's harmony. But many men choose harmony over truth, and harmony without truth is just comfortable lying. That's exactly what it is. Many men choose harmony over truth, and harmony without truth is just comfortable lying. There's comfort in the lies, and that's such a dangerous way to live, man. Don't ever choose comfortable lies. And yes, the truth always wins, but as a leader, you can shape the distribution, the environment, and the translation or communication of that truth so that, like I said, you can both do the right thing And have moments about being right, but it's not about being right over others. Uh, it's, it's more often about doing the right thing. There's been heaps of times in my life where I've had the opportunity to show that I'm right, but doing the right thing, um, is different. So, and that, that for a simple example, fellas, could just be intensity. My wife might say something, or the kids, that's completely out of alignment. And me being right could absolutely slam 5, 6, 12, 13 examples. Of where and why they're wrong, or I could just ask a question. Hey, curious on that one. Walk me through it. Help me understand a bit more this versus that. You know, and that's that's something that's really valuable. A lot of the times, fellas, we try and sell ourselves too much, too much talking, too too much communicating, and as opposed to just asking questions and seeking to understand. Actually, I did a special session. Oh yeah, this one's a beauty. I've still got the paper here with, uh, our squad leaders, like our senior members of High Performance Father. Amazing, amazing men. So members that go out and continue to integrate and build lots of member catch-ups in person and connecting with the community. And it's epic, man, having a community of 500 men and, uh, I believe 26 squad leaders, which, which is epic. But, um, love those guys and their commitment to the mission. We did an exercise on this and communication. Oh, I'll actually, I'm just looking at it now. Talks about when seeking to understand, then clarifying the truth or the position of their understanding, then uncovering the truth of their story, past, present, future. So the origin, where is this coming from? And then what are the reasons they're holding on? And what are the possible threats or rewards? What's the cost and the impact? And so this is— I'll save that for another episode actually. That'll be a good deep dive on communications and framing conversations, especially with you guys, whether it's your brother, your spouse, your kids, your parents. To, to sort of not dissolve their stories, but, but, but reshape their position in a way that you might see that they can't, that helps, helps you both move forward. It's very genuine. A lot of stuff we do could absolutely be manipulated. You gotta be very careful. It's, it's, it's gotta be genuine, man. End in mind matters so much. So, so that's, that's a powerful thing. 'Cause when I, when I spoke to the boys, to come to my point, Yeah. it was around I'm just asking questions, man. Like, not like— I'll talk to a man. If a man— I, I don't have those calls anymore, but, but if a man was reaching out to HPF and I took the initial coaching call, it's not arrogance or cleverness, or it's just the reps. Within 5 minutes, I'll know exactly where he's at, where he's gone wrong, what's happening in his life, what he needs. And that's just with a couple of questions. And then going through gut feel coupled with Just, just patterns and repeatable patterns I've seen, which, which a lot of us have, thousands of men. How would that go? Let's say we allowed 60 minutes. If after that 5 minutes I said, okay, cool, cool, just, just shut, shut your mouth. I've already got the answer for you. And I just completely drilled down on the answer and everything for the next 50 minutes. Comment. So let's go do HPF. It's almost like a lecture, you know, like it's, it's, and, and, and there's a, there's a time and space too for that. Like, do you, do you quote unquote hold space and allow people to talk? Does that talk become a spiral where they, they almost convulse into, into that mentality and that victimhood nature. Well, okay, cool. You gotta be— you gotta find that sweet spot. And that's— there's no perfect— it's an art. There's no perfect timing to that. Depends on the person, um, and the situation, circumstance, how long it's gone for, and, and then also the threats versus the rewards of the future. But, but man, it matters. So doing the right thing is not necessarily showing people how right you are. But I gotta tell you, man, harmony and seeking harmony in your household, which we all crave— big heavy days of work, we all crave that. We want that sanctuary to fall back into in our household, whether you work from home or not. I'm telling you now, harmony without truth, it's not only comfortable lying, it's absolutely a recipe for disaster down the track. And that will start with a lack of appreciation and affection. and respect. And as soon as you lose respect and affection, like love and respect is what they're the 2 pillars that hold up all relationships, um, at different levels as well. When you're talking love with your wife, it's like having that, that deeper intimacy that separates you, um, from every other human being on the planet. And your children, bound by blood or not, it's a different type of love in the relationship you have in, in your leadership and your mentoring and then being essentially an extension of you. Dangerous games. Dangerous games. Number 3, there's pain of decline, pain of stagnation, and pain of growth. Pick one. You're paying for one of them right now. This is, um, I might've been doing this talking about HPF. It might've been about business, possibly, um, mentorship. Not sure. I was talking to, uh, to, to the team. Um, might've been the coaches. We've got some amazing stuff we've been evolving and growing and developing right now. But it's so true, man. There's either the pain of decline, so the pain of things getting worse, um, or the, the pain of things, you know, slowing down and, and becoming less, aka decline. The pain of stagnation, like, it's just the— it's, it's one of the, one of the pillars in happiness, right? Stagnation versus progress. And just remaining the same, as much as people can cover that Up with the same being a rhythm of contentment, be it money, relationships, the frequency of intimacy you have, the time you have, the rhythm with the kids and weekend sports. And doesn't matter, man. Like that, there's that, hmm, life's good, but I wonder what it could have been. There's always, man, I'm telling you, it doesn't matter how much of a front the man puts up and the smiling face. There will always be those questions pondering in him. And I've seen that. I've seen that eat away at extremely successful men, men who have quote unquote way more reason than a lot of other men to, um, to be happy in their contentment. And even then the stagnation is still hit harder than the men who quote unquote have less and they're stagnated. And the pain of growth, you know, pick one and you're paying for all of you, all of you listening to this right now, you're paying for one right now. Now think of pain as, and you know, English language and words, I, I get it. It's hard to try and pick the best one all the time, but I, I see pain as, as, as a, um, signal. I'm thinking like the human body, right? With, with, with working out. This is actually a really good example. Doing CrossFit and footy and all that sort of stuff. So much pain. So much pain. I remember competition was a team of 3 and we hit the assault bike. And it literally is that you feel like you're under assault. And we did 3 minutes max calories. I think it went around and I did an extra round or 2, which was fine because that was a good strength of mine. But man, your score was 3 minutes max calories and we were absolutely flogging. I think, I think, don't quote me, those who are fitness fanatics, but I think we ended up somewhere between, I want to say it was either 138. Or 158. It was massive. Like, if you've done the Assault Bike and you realize that discomfort is 20 calories in a minute, all right, so that's 60 in 3 minutes. We were nearly triple. It must have been 158. I think we come second or third. I think the team that beat us got 161. It was very close. Man. Oh, I was laying there. I could not, like, my legs were just like stabbing pain, like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura when they throw the spears in both of his quads. That's what it felt like. And I'm laying down, um, looking up at the sky. Like, I actually crawled into a corner around the side of the building, and we had, I think, 2 and a half hours. And I only just started to come to about 10 minutes before the next workout, which was a 1 rep max overhead, um, reverse lunge. That was horrendous. I think I got like 130 though, so it was pretty, um, fuck, I was fit back in the day. I was pretty fit and strong. It was a workout with thrusters and chest-to-bar pull-ups and then, um, a 1 rep max. overhead reverse lunge. Um, man, like so much pain. Like I'm laying there looking hallucinating, feeling crook, feeling sick. Couldn't get enough fuel and food in but didn't want to eat as well. And I was just drinking, um, protein shakes and, and coconut waters and, and sugar drinks and stuff. And mate, I was well beyond the threshold. It's the worst I've ever felt. Like the worst. I've done nearly 40 CrossFit competitions back in the day, obviously We competed very highly with, with rugby league, um, you know, prelim finals, everything's on the line. Like, you just, you can't feel, your legs are heavy, your lungs are burning. This was by far the worst, by far, man. It's crazy. So think of pain like a signal. It's not bad. It's a signal of where your position or situation is, which means it's a signal of the direction you're heading, whether it's the same, which ends up being decline. Decline, which ends up declining further away and getting further away from where you want to go, or growth, which requires change and you becoming someone more and doing something different and/or more or higher quality, or different type of work than you— different type of approach, sorry, not just this is just work, this is relationships, this is everything— than you've otherwise done before. So pain's not a bad thing, it's a signal. What is quote unquote bad is your measurement of where that signal is taking you. What is that signal telling you? What is the direction that signal is identifying for you because the pain of decline is different to the pain of stagnation. It's different to the pain of growth because we could grow a little bit and then just chill and we feel really good and everything's great. We're humming along and there's, there's no pain of growth. We're not declining and we've hit a good stand and we hold that. But then what? And it's not just, hey, don't be so ungrateful, man. It's also, well, you don't know, like the brick and mortars that all shut down and destroyed the fitness industry through COVID in the, uh, well, 2020 and 2021. So at a time where there were online, HPF being one of them, online offerings and/or at the very least hybrid approaches, you know, having a hybrid membership with running a gym and/or tutoring, coaching, nutrition development, getting experts and whatnot inside of your community of your quote-unquote brick-and-mortar gym, all of that was possible. They didn't do anything. Like a lot of them didn't. No, no, the gym's enough. What do you mean? I remember one of my mates saying, um, hey, brick-and-mortar all the way, mate. Yeah, the internet, the internet's not real. It's like, okay, cool. Well, you know, I don't wish COVID on anyone. anyone and what happened to the whole world. But that's what happened when people stayed the same. They had the opportunity to evolve, to provide more value, more service, but they chose not to. And a lot of them shut down. Now, is it their fault what happened? We both know the overreach was insane. You're telling me sunlight, health and fitness and wellbeing and mental, like, like they are probably the best counters to any virus that we would ever have, like for anything, man. Like, Anything that when you're looking at maintaining your immune system and your mental and emotional and spiritual wellbeing and the connective tissue on that, which is what makes society, not isolation, people together.

Yeah.

So was it your fault that the gyms— no, of course it wasn't their fault. Um, and it was, it was, it was, it was bad to see that, that whilst they were amazing cures for people, that they were denied that. It was, it was really, really sad to see. But is it your responsibility? Absolutely. That's the pain of stagnation. The pain of stagnation usually hits, well, not usually, but it can hit when it's too late or when there's serious decline or serious growth required. So that's what you need to understand. There's the pain of decline, the pain of stagnation, the pain of growth. You're all paying for one of them right now, whether you know it or not. I don't feel any pain. Cool, man. you're stagnant, right? Oh no, no, I'm growing, Al. Yeah, but at what rate? If that rate is not somewhat in some way, shape, or form uncomfortable, like if you're not— if you're growing because you're getting better at writing fucking Post-it notes for your wife, um, but that's not leading to there being progressive change in your relationship because there's a tough conversation still needs to be had, we're still stagnating. You know, there's difference between, between being busy and being productive. Um, so You know, when we look at this one, there's a pain of decline, pain of stagnation, pain of growth. Pick one. You're paying for one of them right now. Pain is your gift, friends. Pain is, pain is, pain is your friend. I'm telling you, man, it's, it's, it's not the enemy. It's the signal that can help you look a little bit deeper under the surface and then, and then adjust and recoordinate your focus and your efforts. And just understand this, like, I'm not saying there's a perfect formula either. If you hold on to the pain of growth the whole time, the pain might be too overwhelming or it might be too big for you. I don't necessarily agree with the pain of decline. Life will look after that for you. But I do believe if I was to look at this as a formula, there's probably some sweet spot between a 70-30 split of 70% growth, 30% stagnant, 70%. And, and, and that would, if you're maintaining that as a cycle, I would see stagnation more as stabilizing. Right. Um, so are you in pain all the time? Well, not necessarily to the intensity that some of these will hold, especially in decline and growth. Does it serve you best to understand the signal for what it is and just move accordingly to what you desire in your life and what your true north is? Yes. So forget my ratios and what I just said about, you know, using all of them. They're all valuable. The pain of decline is the most valuable gift I've ever had. But if I was always in the pain of decline, I haven't acted on those gifts that I've been given. And they led to tremendous pains of growth. So I bounced from one to the other, pretty hectic. I wouldn't say I've stagnated too much in life. Those times where I did get complacent, man, I got burnt. I got stung hard. Hope that serves you well, man. Hope that serves you well. Um, I'm going to leave that there. I think that's more than enough time. That's an hour's insight. It's 35 minutes. And I really love this last one, which I think will be beautiful for the next time we, uh, we roll into it. But I love those other 3 equally as much. Are you building a family or building a culture? Your family is culture, and the culture always starts with the chief, with you. Many men choose harmony over truth, and harmony without truth is just comfortable lying. And there's the pain of decline, pain of stagnation, and pain of growth. Pick one. You're paying for one of them right now. Have a look at this, these 3 one-liners, and take this episode And just look at these key action items. What's one thing I can do to get clarity over the direction of my family? So connect with them. What's one thing I can do to improve the culture of my family? I gave you the answer first. Get clarity over what that looks like and what their desires are and start with the end in mind and reverse back because purpose will always drive you. Reasons will always give you more fuel than willpower, discipline, control. Putting it over someone, over parent, ever will. Your reasons. Harmony over truth. Where am I choosing harmony when the truth hasn't been spoken yet? There's an action item. What signal are you feeling? Is the signal of pain, decline, stagnation, or growth? And look at where that takes you and follow that little paper trail all the way forward with future actions. Readjust, realign, or get the rhythm. that ensures that you're actually on the right path for what's serving you and your family moving forward. Thank you, men, uh, and boys and girls and wives and mums if you're listening as well. And I'll see you in the next one. Cheers.

Just wrapping up, I hope you enjoyed that episode. I just want to make it clear as well, I mean, it's not to create confusion or keep you at a distance, but it's also at the same time to know that I'm not here to sell you anything. But I just want to make it clear and known that if you are a father that connected with that message, if you're a father that's resonating with some of the sore points, if you're a father who knows that there's a couple of holes in his game We're not here to take you from dead to alive. We're here to get you absolutely thriving, and we're here to take you out into the field of life and be battle fit and battle ready to handle the adversities that will keep coming. That's who we are. That's what we stand for. We're not here to get you from version 0.1 just to version 1. We're here to take you to version 2.0, and that's something we're very proud of. So if you're a father who knows that yes, you've got problems, the first step to course correction. Correcting and addressing those is by acknowledging them and then seeking help and seeking the tribe and the coaching to get out, get in front, take charge, take control. You don't quite know where to start or what to do, we can potentially be a solution for you.

And I just want to let that be clear and known.

Like, we, we're under the pump every week. We have over 100 applications, but there is always room for a man who's dedicated, willing, who wants to reach out to have that conversation. So if you're a father who is looking to create change and you are getting serious about joining us in High Performance Father and being part of the tribe in this phenomenal coaching program, then reach out either admin@highperformancefather.com or contact us through our social. Send us a message on Messenger or through Instagram. I'll have my coaching team reach out and see how we can best serve you. We've got nothing to sell you. There are so many things we can give away for free. There's obviously paid coaching and paid programs. It just depends on what you want and what you want to do and the steps you want to take. This is all you, man. But when you've got the championship team in your corner, you will not lose. You cannot lose. And that's what we're here for. So take care. Have an amazing day or night whenever you're listening to this. And again, the invitation, the offer is there if you're a father who does want to go all in on his life and you do want to create the changes that you desire for yourself and your family before it becomes too late. Like so many stories and so many times when I hear that And we can't turn back the clock, we can't wind back time. And take action now, man. Reach out and we'll see what we can do to serve you and your family and get you moving on the right path forward in your life again.