28 Aug 2026 · 95 min
Al breaks down why men are unhappy: not crisis, but chronic drift across seven areas: meaning, progress, connection, integrity, control, gratitude, and physiology. For each pillar he names the problem, shows what it looks like, and gives a concrete habit to fix it.
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Hey, if you're someone who really connects to this message and you know there's someone out there who needs to hear this, but they're too proud, the walls are up, you can't show them, no worries. Flick them the link, share this podcast, send them the link. They can listen to it in the car, in the comfort of their own home, behind closed doors, in private privacy. Listen, absorb, and you know you are creating impact to change. There are so many people in pain who need to hear this message, who need to empower themselves, take their control and power back and get back in front. Appreciate you all. Much respect. Enjoy the episode. And again, share the love, spread the love, and let's create impact and change across the world. Cheers. Welcome to arguably what will be the shortest podcast in history, Why Men Aren't Happy: The 7 Pillars. So I've shortlisted here from a poll of 384 million men, and in no particular order, we've got nose hairs, the coffee machine breaking, stepping on Lego, losing a sock, the shopping trolley with the dodgy wheel, the school pickup line taking longer than your commute to work, And lo and behold, drum roll please, the last one: women. So I'll see you on the next one. Above all else, make sure you take action. Trim the nose hairs, get a better coffee machine, throw the Lego out, buy more socks. Uh, fellas, this is an interesting one where we, we dive deep into, you know, what, what can make a man truly happy. The 7 pillars behind fulfillment Peace, confidence, and purpose. The reason why I mentioned those, those 4 things is, um, seldom will you find a man— and that means not very often— unhappy because something terrible has happened. Usually, like, we find ourselves in a state of unhappiness because nothing meaningful is happening. Now, can the 2 coexist? Of course they can. But, but ultimately, it's, it's the drift. And, and that's one thing, I guess, that we really, as we keep diving deeper time and time again. Like, I love, I love HPF. I love the mission that we serve and, and how much it helps me on a personal level just grow and develop, learn more about the families, the fathers that I love serving. And the more I go into this journey, man, the more I find the beauty and the answer in the simplicity of it all. That doesn't mean I can't be complex and clever. Of course I can. But it's, it's the world, man. Like, The world wants to destroy and pull apart your rhythm for life. There's structure everywhere. Not having a structure is a structure, you know. And ultimately, the world wants to pull you into its rhythm of operating and tear down yours. And that's what we call drift, because the world as a whole is made up of many moving parts that doesn't necessarily have your best interests at heart. And And then here you are, right? Family, self, and service, trying to provide for your family and go above and beyond in this martyr-type act where you're stretching, you're overcommitting. You give your word because you, all of you men, still have hope. You still have this optimism that you can follow through on that, right? And I love that. We all gamble. We're all gamblers at heart. Life is a gamble. And we think we can do it. And then here we are. We do things not half-assed, but half-completed. And then those that we're stretching ourselves for show no gratitude, no appreciation. And in fact, they're even more disappointed than before when ultimately, um, you possibly should have just said no to start with. And this becomes the treadmill that we land on, you know. And that's why we talk about be 100 to give 100, be the prize for your family. Please, I can't stress that enough, you know. Um, it's not very often that we would get feedback, but some of our members, they mention, oh, the wife's not quite sure, not on board, blah blah blah. It's like, well, mate, you You're investing in yourself. And most people, not just women, but most people, especially when they're more emotionally wired, if their world is sinking, they're going to latch on and you're going to become their lifesaver, right? You're going to become their safety net, so to speak, that they just need to claw into or grab onto and so on and so forth. So when you bring healthy boundaries and say nos, and because you know deep down as the visionaries that we are in men, as men, That when I go for this walk and take time out, when I structure my week accordingly, when I pour back into my own cup, I have a better amount of fuel that I can pour back into you, and I can give you more. I can give you better quality. And instead of just giving you the fucking breadcrumbs that you keep asking for, um, you know, in a way that is, uh, you know, unsatisfactory to your standards, yet You don't let me to bake. You don't allow me or give me the opportunity to just put the ingredients together, put the bread in the oven and bake it. You just get breadcrumbs. Not to go too far off, but that that that's what we that's what we find, and that's what you'll find, and that's what you are finding. And you end up in this state where the world is pulling you apart and and you're drifting. And and this drift it doesn't come in announcing itself. It doesn't come in beating the door down going, "Hey, I'm here to pull things apart and and take you away." It's it's it's It compounds silently, subtly, sneakily. You, your own voice in your head making decisions. You think it's your gut or your vision. It's not. It's a reactive state. Keep putting out the flames, keep putting out the fires, the fires that keep getting lit. There's no need for them to get lit. And then you find yourself with everyone else's monkey on your back, and you look back, you're like, the fuck did the last 8 years of my life go? I turned 41 last week, and I'm certainly not saying that I'm very grateful for the journey of H.P.F. and what it's given me, man. I'm so grateful that on a personal level, it's given me so much. It's amazing. Something that I truly believe I can do forever. But I do look back and go, wow! You know, we started in 2018, and here we are. It's 2026. We're entering our ninth season. Crazy, crazy, crazy. So. In the same breath, I'll say the same thing. Yeah, where did those last 8 or 9 or 10 years go? Um, but whilst I've had some extremely tough times, it's, it's, it's from a position of, of gratitude and from a position of progress and building and essentially a combination of all of these 7 pillars that I'm going to be going through with you men once I finish this 473-minute intro. You know, like, it's, it's a, it's a, but I like, um, jokes aside with intros, like, I want to, I want to set the frame. I want to set the scene for you guys to know that those things I'm mentioning you're not alone on. And if you're like, hey, well, that's cool, Al, that doesn't apply to me, that's great. I'm not saying you're not trying hard enough, but also, have you created a safety net of comfort where maybe you are coasting? But that's cool. Don't forget, if you're coasting out in the ocean, there will be nights and there will be fog and there will be icebergs you're unaware of. Have you got the muscle across the board in your life to be able to navigate and redirect when that storm comes? For me, prevention is always better than cure, but ultimately that's what I love most about HPF. It's taught me to become more than what my circumstances demand so that when that demand comes, I am more to face them, you know. Um, and that, that is a big thing. I mean, I'm sure I'll come up with a clever one-liner, but it is, it is that, man. It's like, like shoot, shoot to become more, like pursue, try to become more than your circumstances currently dictate. Or allow so that you are the one who is navigating life. You are the one that is in the driver's seat and pursuing the life that you want, as opposed to just coasting and then reacting, or worse yet for some of you, constant turmoil and chaos, right? Um, so that really matters. This is where the world is at, like, and your father will not understand. I love my dad. I love the fathers of yesteryear and the slab they've laid for us all, sure, but They dealt with problems we don't even know exist, and we're dealing with problems they couldn't even comprehend. Imagine going back to 1926 and explaining the internet to someone. Imagine explaining this. I'm just doing this off the cuff, man, but imagine explaining social media and pick one, pick them all. Any, any of the stupidest things you've said on social media. Or imagine, imagine explaining to a man back in 19— or a woman back in 1926 what an influencer is and what they do. Like, I don't want to say the world is cooked, but I'm certainly going to stand by the fact that we are in, um, extremely tough times. And are we in the hardest time in history? That's subjective, and that's my point. Like it's always the hardest time in history, but there's always opportunities, you know. And, um, maybe not always the hardest time in history, but there, there are absolutely, um, peaks and troughs throughout history where there are extremely difficult times and then times appear to be easier. But someone's always suffering and someone's always, you know, um, striving and becoming and, and achieving, right? Um, that's just the way the world— despite the conditions, despite the market, despite the government They have no idea. And that, that's what I love most about us being on this mission united together. We are blazing the trail that has not been laid before. You know, so when we talk about history repeating or tough times, of course there's always been wars. You know, there's always been famines of sorts or a lack of resources if you want to make a more broader brushstroke there. But there's always, you know, there's always been the world ending every single decade, this disease this time, this disease that time, you know. But when we look at across history, to our knowledges anyway, from a technology point of view, and technology is not bound by electronics alone, but this is a specific type of technology that we have with electronics and the internet and all that sort of stuff, where we can't see looking back that being a comparable thing. Like back throughout I guess the history that we know. So we're, we're, we're certainly not going into the dark men, but it's a journey that is a dangerous and challenging one alone, whether you're in the Congo or not with a sharp or blunt machete. Like it's, it's, there's a lot of shit to be cut down. There's a, there's a path that needs to be laid. If not you, who? Your children? Like, is that what you're really going to do? Be putting that onto them and, and handing that over? Not as opportunity, but as burden, which I'd see the difference between opportunity and burden being what we did in the space in between before we handed over the baton or baton, whichever one it is. So what I want to dive into today is, is yeah, like what makes a man truly happy, but really looking at these 7 pillars. And for you, do you need to apply all of them? You could. Should you? Not sure. Depends on where you're at in your journey, but. Shit, you should at least apply one or two or three or consider them or reflect on them or review and assess your life and where it stands. But also, I just want to, I just want to, I guess, you know, as a bit of a precursor, talk about that word happiness. You know, you might get a, you might get a variation of definitions and then that's fine. And What I spoke to my team about today was we operate with the HPF tenets as verbs. That doesn't mean you shouldn't reflect, but there's a difference between being grateful and showing gratitude through emotional reflection, which is things that's already passed, and driven leadership type action in the now and the future. Like, being grateful if you're sitting in an emotional state means you're constantly chewing up the present and the future with a past reflection. How, how could that possibly play out at all? You're living in the past. So yeah, be grateful. Reflect with gratitude on the great things and the hardships that have forged you. I'm, I'm more grateful for my tough times than I am for my good times. Ironically enough, and there's a blend in between, but but show your gratitude, man. Same with this. So when I look at happiness, it's like: Is it an emotion? Is it a state? And maybe I don't claim to have all the answers, but when I I guess have absolutes, maybe it's an opinion. I don't know. But when I have certain absolutes in life, I try to deconstruct and attack them as much as possible. which is why they remain as an absolute, not something that I discard. When I have these absolutes, I'm pretty bullish on them, man. And when I look at like happiness, is it just a state? Is it just an emotion? Or why don't we drive a bit further up that mountain and go to the source and ask a better quality question, which empowers you again, which says, well, If happiness is a state, if happiness is an emotion, not define what it is and pray you can just click your fingers and enter that state, or that the world and the universe finds you and brings you that, that sense of happiness. Go upstream and ask the question, how, how can I enter that state? How can I experience that emotion? And that's what I'm absolute on. You know, if you want to say happiness is a feeling, awesome, good for you. If you want to say it's an emotion or it's a state, something you choose, you control, there are truths in there. I'm not denying that. That may be true. But to sit back and lecture someone or tell someone who's either pouring their heart out or struggling or suffering, going through hardship, and say, oh, it's just all in your fucking head, mate. Just got to change your state. Just change your state and you'll be right. Just, just fucking happiness is a choice. That's fucking bullshit. And, and Maybe I've said that. So if I've said that in my previous podcast, I doubt I have, but if I have, I want to really correct that with some context saying, yes, agreed. However, what have I done? Take ownership, get the power back, get the ball back in your court. What have I done if I go upstream to create the best conditions possible internally and externally so that that state becomes easy to attain and hold onto? Well, I mean, wouldn't, wouldn't you guys agree that's a better approach to take? And I'm not saying as men we should always be here to go, cool, where's, where's the hatchet and let's start chopping some shit up. Like, it's not always about action. What we're doing now is, I mean, well, a thought's an action technically, but, but what we're doing now is we're reviewing and assessing key terms or themes or belief systems inside of our life to then beg the questions that are going to empower us to do something to continually move our life forward. That to me, men, is something that is so much more fruitful and valuable than holding on to some sort of mainstream or commercialized version of happiness that is either driving a higher level of consumerism, products, and all these different things externally that'll make you fucking happy, or being defined by people who are not walking your path, who do not understand how hard life is as a man and a father. And that does not mean that life is easy for every other person who is not a man and a father, but it does not address the problem that we face where people who aren't even fathers are trying to fucking lecture you and tell you who you should be and how you should operate that aren't even walking a day in the life of your shoes. So before this becomes a power rant for the next 60 minutes, let's start cracking into these pillars with that open mind to go, hey, you know what, man? Awesome. You know what? I'm so happy. Like, I don't need to smile and laugh and talk in a lighter pitch. I'm so fucking happy that I get to do this, man. Like, I'm so happy right now because here I am talking to myself in a room. But I know this is going to distribute value and hopefully enrich your life in some way, shape, and form. And that then becomes a ripple effect that converts to you having an exceptional Friday afternoon with your son or your daughter. Brilliant. Awesome. Unreal. This podcast from Al— don't worry about me. It's not about me. This whole podcast from HPF that has helped you shift your state into gratitude, then happiness, and then you're seeking one of our tenets, seek growth, love, and joy. Unreal. Love that for you. But also what I would like to do, like most things, there's frameworks, patterns, and systems, is to give you a way of thinking and operating that then can create a system which gives you a higher probability of more consistently operating physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually inside of your life the way that you want. Instead of listening to my podcast and getting excited and motivated, and/or you get that raise at work, and/or you get your tax back, and/or You buy that family car and/or you finally book that holiday and/or you finally get laid and it's been a while with the miss. Like, whatever it is, you don't want these one-offs, man. And it's not about having complete control either. It's about setting up a system and a framework that empowers you to always be on the level. You know, it's really hard for me to, it's really hard for me to agree with people who talk shit about me and HPF on social media. Like, I'll look at posts and be like, all right, cool, man. I mean, I wish, you know, I would love to make you happy and agree, but I don't understand. Like, there are all these testimonials, there are all these reviews. Like, when you say it's snake oil or a scam, I'm trying to work out, I'm trying to make that true for you, but I can't. I'm struggling. I'm struggling to make that statement true to support your claim, but I just can't. You know, and at the same time, geez, man, we've got some unbelievable success over the years. Crazy. Like, man, like you just, you keep. Beyond wildest dreams and simple. Like whether it's your life back on track through your wife, your career path, family, self, and service, getting structure, getting your health back on track, developing relationships, finding relationships that were once lost with your mother, your father, your children, your brothers and sisters. Like, man, like, but the craziest because of how down and out or how unlikely it seemed or how defeated or how deflated or how stagnant, you know, whether the man's already flying, want to fly further, but I don't think I can. And we've unlocked that for him. Or the man's come out of the pit again. Like it's, it's awesome. Simple. But crazy amount of success. And, and, and I love and acknowledge both. I really do. That might sound funny, but, but yeah, like I, I, man, I love and pray for the people who criticize us because they're obviously hurting. And I appreciate that. And I hope that one day they, um, you know, they address whatever it is that, that is driving that pain and they move forward from that. But why it's a gift, gentlemen, as we rip into these 7 pillars, is you got to be on the level. Of course I can be influenced, especially when those are closest to you. Some stranger on the street says, hey Al, you're a fuckwit. I'm like, hey, awesome man, thank you. If my wife says that to me, that hurts a little bit more, right? So I get that. However, you've got to be on the level, and it's not arrogance, confidence. Yeah, of course I'm the man. Hey, you're an amazing husband. Yeah, of course I already know. Hey Al, thanks for HPF. Of course. Yeah, yeah, of course HPF's amazing. It's not so much that arrogance, it's just being on level and being true to yourself through the actions you consistently drive, which shapes your life. And I see that as different to the identity, which can be a decision that sure is influenced by the amount of reps you do in a certain state and way. But it's like, yeah, man, like, do I need to worry about who Alex is? Does it even fucking matter? Or is it, hey, I'm, I'm like you, we're sentient beings. I've got a level of consciousness that I can zoom out from a third-party perspective and then like a game control this vehicle, this body, this voice, this mind, this heart. Towards doing things, and if those things that I'm doing are valuable for myself and others, my cup gets full. I see families winning for us. Great. And that's what I focus on, men: being on the level and driving quality actions in life. That's it. So you got to be on the level. I just wanted to just lay that slab for you when we're talking about this interesting thing, this five-letter word called happy. Or happiness. Um, so that when you get the praise, hey, I really appreciate it, mate, that's awesome, but the credit's yours, you did the work. Or thank you, you're an amazing wife. Or yep, awesome, well, that's what I'm trying to do and be, so I appreciate that. And then when you get the criticism, hey, appreciate that, mate, maybe we're not for you. Hey, understand you might be in pain, you don't know who I am, so obviously what you're saying doesn't make any sense, but you want to share that. I hope that expression of yourself, or expressing yourself, sorry, has served you well. Awesome, cool. I know who I'm about. And what I stand for. And that, that's, it's never a dead straight line too, men, I'll add. But you want to keep the wave neat. You want to keep it neat and tidy. Little ups, little downs. 7 pillars. The 7 pillars behind fulfillment, peace, confidence, and purpose. Why do they matter? Well, they are, they are core things to us, right? If we're talking about happiness and everything I've just spoken about for the last 20 minutes, Those words will matter so much. Like the peace in your state of being, the fulfillment in the knowing that what I've done has mattered, the confidence in the— not a feeling, but the byproduct of the value I can provide. And confidence, which I love our 4 C's of evolution, you know, it's like I've had the courage to, to make the right decision and I've had the commitment to follow through on that. And I've developed the confidence, the competence to, to do whatever it is that I had the courage to decide on and commit to and start. And keep doing it and get good at it like this. Listen to this. And you could— the bones were always there, but listen to the first podcast and listen to this. This bit different, a little bit different in, in who Al or how Al's operating, right? And purpose is like, like you need a path. Like the path you're on gives you purpose. And so does the vision. And fulfillment is the experience of fulfilling, right? Fulfillment. Fulfillment is the experience of living your purpose and what you desire. I, I love those words, man. Like, all of them, but I really love that word purpose. I, I really do, because then it, it matters. It means something. I was— why the fuck are you here, man? I just— and that's not you on the podcast. Please stay, I've got more to say. But it's, it, it's across the board of life. It's like, well, then why? Why does anything matter? You know, but personally, yeah, man of faith. Um, and then that's, that's That's my position. Of course, that gives me purpose, but we can look at the different levels of purpose as well in our life. As a husband, as a father, as a man wearing these hats, as a leader in your workplace and your colleagues, as a business owner, there's so much purpose to be had, but we lose it. Anyway, I'm giving away the answers. Let's crack on into it. Pillar 1, drift versus meaning. So when we look at the, the, the 7 pillars, the way I've structured this, man, is I actually did this on the inside as a session for, for the tribe a while ago, but I want to bring this up again, is we're going to look at comparing the 2. So, so it's, it's, it's 2 things. Like, what are you, what are you allowing? Like I said, it's not because something terrible has happened. Um, uh, and, and it's not just because nothing meaningful is happening. It's both, right? They're 2 sides of the same coin. So we're going to compare the 2 and then have a few one-liners and things that'll help drive some Um, you know, some, some thinking time for you, so to speak. So what makes a man unhappy? And then, you know, what are the 7 pillars behind that? So what's pulling you away from happiness is drift. What can drive happiness? Meaning. Hope that makes sense. So pillar 1, drift versus meaning. Do you know what you're actually building or are you drifting? Now, this is different to some of the other ones. Um, like pillar 2, which is stagnation versus progress. You can have, like, like you can, you don't have to be stagnated to be drifting. Like you can make progress. You can have heaps of progress. So pillar 2 could be awesome. I'm making heaps of progress, but it doesn't fucking matter. There's no meaning in my life. I've got a soulless job. I fucking hate what I do, but I'm awesome at it. Well, then you're drifting then. So, so that's why that first one is important. You know, drift versus meaning. Without meaning, you know, waking up, working, sleep, distraction, repeat. It's just emptiness. Like, it's really— and again, drift doesn't, as a whole, and very specifically on alignment to your path and purpose, it doesn't come in announcing itself. You miss a gym session here, you miss a date night there. We'll do it next week. Let's catch up. One week work just swallows everything up and all of a sudden it's like, yeah, well, It's, yeah. Is it enough to notice? Maybe. Is it worth talking about? Probably not. So maybe the missus, maybe the kids, maybe you don't even bring it up. And then weeks become years, not months, years. Like, I look at my stage now when I'm trying to put some more muscle on, um, not that I need, I'm just, I don't know, I'm just going through a block. I want to put a lot of muscle on and, um, you know, or not a lot, but just, just doing weightlifting. It was a crazy journey with this throat, man. It's coming up to 4 years now. Um, and look, I'm good. Uh, most days I don't think about it, but there's still unfortunately still a bit of a management process in place. But, um, you know, but it's going really well. But that's why I've just enjoyed lifting weights. And I look at them like, man, like for me training up to 27 years now, and I've had lots of injuries and stuff that has pulled me back, but Like even putting 2 kilos of muscle on a year would be awesome. And then I look at that, I'm like, okay, well, what would that be? Let's divide that by 12. It's like, oh shoot. Right. So what am I putting on? Like 30 grams a week, 40 grams a week. It's like, it's 40 grams, 40 grams times 52 is just over 2 kilos. And we're like, man, that's, that's crazy. That's like, that's like probably 2 Freddo, 2, sorry, 2 Freddo, 2 of those little red frog things that the kids like to have every now and then. Like, That's nothing, mate. Same with putting on fat, right? You gain 100 grams a week, there's 5 kilos a year. 100 grams is nothing. Like, that's, that's, that's a couple of shots of water. And, uh, and then here you are 3 years later, 15 kilos. That's a lot of weight. You pick up a 15, that's a lot. Same thing happens with men when it comes to what's meaningful in their life that gives them purpose and drifting, whether it's financially, spiritually, in their relationships, their wife or their kids. with their siblings, with their parents, their cousins. Love my cousins. I don't see them as much as I'd like to. Being Italian, there's a few. Um, but it's, it's, you know, it's an important thing. But, but the alignment comes from the inside out. Like, it's, it's got to be you and your family and those under your roof first, and then extending out from that, you know. So, so what, what's really, really important when we're looking at drift versus meaning is understanding that the world's designed to pull you apart. It's bigger than your willpower or good intentions. It's bigger than you. 8 billion people and geez, you know, um, crazy, crazy volume of institutions, organizations, environments, society, communities, um, technology. And then there's work demands, social pressure, social media distortion of who you should be through the eyes of your wife and children and It's all designed to fragment your attention. And, um, you know, the question is not can you handle all that. That's what kills most men. Just like, let's say something like lust, you know, and, uh, and, and other vices that men can fall victim to, and women, whether it's in your head or actioned upon. Those who think they're strong enough to handle something that is clearly larger than them are the ones that usually get caught or burned or punished. So it's not whether you're faithful or not, it's, it's whether you're building something strong enough to drive all of your folks' attention to counter the threats, which are really temptations to pull you away and sedate and distract you from the life you're born to live. Drift versus meaning. Think about that. If you're doing really meaningful work, like, I can have the worst day ever, but if there's meaning in what I'm doing, then there is the happiness that will follow And maybe not in the moment of eating the shit sandwich at 2 PM, but but by 5 PM in a reflective state, wow! Jesus special what we do. And also, like I said, it's not a flat line; it's a little ripple. I'll get those little ripples. There'll be a member or a random who's not even a member reach out and be like, "Man, this is so awesome what you do," and blah blah. I'm like, "Oh, thank you, man. That's nice." Like I'm human as well, and and I'm not saying that I I want or need. More attention. But ironically enough, like, it's not— I, I try and distribute the thanks. The coaches, the members, the squad leaders, everything else but me. And because— not my duty or responsibility or whatnot, but because I just fucking love being the standard, and, and I try as hard as I can not to be a hypocrite— of course I operate at a high level, which then means that there's assumption with most people, Al's all right, he's sweet, he'll be okay. So not that many people actually check in on me. Not that many say, hey man, how are you doing? Ali, you okay? What's going on here? But again, I'm so lucky to do what I do, man. I feel so blessed. Any course corrections, internal, external, they happen very quickly. I'm immersed in HPF, the environment, the men, the examples. It's brilliant. It's like a permanent lighthouse lighting the way. So of course I have tough days, but, but that's what I love. The meaning I have in here helps me to not drift. And if there's a drift 1 degree, back on. A 1-degree drift, that's not just final one, not course corrected, gentlemen. Like, and actually it'd be cool. I should have got the stats on this. Apologies. But, um, but I'll give you a visual. But if I'm in Australia and I'm shooting for, I know it's not in the middle, but let's say to the left of Hawaii. If I'm, let's say I'm aiming for Hawaii. Sorry. Let's say I'm aiming for Hawaii. If I'm like 3, and I know this isn't absolute, but just, this is a visual. If I'm like 3 degrees off one way or 6 degrees off the other way, I'm either in Mexico, the bottom of the USA, or I'm in fucking Japan. Where's Honolulu? Where's the ukuleles? You know, like it's that, that's If it's not corrected, that's how big drift can be over a period of time. And time goes quick, as you know. Next decade's coming. Pillar 2, stagnation versus progress. Are you moving forward or stuck? You know, stagnation, whether you're cool, calm, collected or not, it breeds frustration, man. And when you're progressing, confidence is a byproduct. It's not a feeling. When you pro— when you progress in life, it builds confidence. I talk about criticism and other things with HPF and our ads and whatnot. Um, that was tough, man. Like, that was tough earlier in the day, but we continued to progress as a miss— as a message, as a mission, as a track record of families served. And easy, like, I don't need confidence individually as a man. I just leverage the confidence of an entire organization and, and mission that we've pushed across, um, different countries organically, but mostly Australia and a bit of NZ. And it's like, man, how could I not have confidence? So, but if we stagnated, if we made no progress, if we didn't develop, if we didn't move forward— so in your life, whether it's physical health and fitness, your relationship can continue to progress. We had Lael Stone— she's an amazing parenting expert, I'm going to get her on the podcast— um, come to our Sydney event, and she spoke about 3 marriages: your marriage with your wife before the kids, with the kids, and when the kids leave. And that's So true. Like, it's so true. Um, Corinne and I are right in the middle of our second marriage. We've been together since teenagers. So it's like an interesting dynamic of like feeling like we're seasoned and old enough being, what is it now? 2003? Yeah. 23 years, 24 next year. Um, where it's like almost like not the kids move out before or, or, or after the age of 24. Some do, some don't, but it's like, yeah, it's an interesting dynamic where clearly it's not just us in the house anymore, but also we've got quite a mature relationship. with still very young children who aren't going to move out for a while, decades. So, uh, you know, it's— so when you look at progress, men, you can, you can have that. It's not that you're not enough. It's not that you should be more. It's not that you need more. I, I try and be careful with those words these days. And you know what, sometimes you need that. Sometimes you need me to say, hey, you need to fucking do this. And I appreciate that that is the most valuable thing For you. But the reason why I'll say that is because I'm here to bring the pendulum back for you a little bit, to have a bit of a fucking snap out of it moment, and sometimes to shock you into, to, to shifting your state and, and having those epiphanies and moving. It's a tool. Let me just say that like clearly. Do whatever you want in your life. You don't have to need, want, or do anything. Do whatever you want. Um, however, if I'm here to, to, to lead and guide and be a servant for you all, because that's what leadership is, it's serving. Service, then I'm going to give you what, what is going to serve you best, which can come at the risk of, that's too far, fuck you, man. Okay, cool, no worries, man. Or, that's exactly what I needed, thank you. So when we look at stagnation versus progress, I'm not going to say you need to, you should, or you have to, but just look at it objectively. If you are progressing in your life, whether it's your career, your health and fitness, your relationship with the kids, the experiences you're developing, the family, your relationship with your wife, Your own sense of self in your mindset, how you see yourself, how you operate, your values, your belief systems, just all little, little ticks, little runs on the board, little singles. That's all you need. It's, it's not big, big haymakers and Hail Marys and home runs. You tell me whether you think you're going to find more happiness, fulfillment, and peace and confidence. Like, you tell me whether you'll have more of that. And then let's, let's, I always like inverting this. Okay. Stagnation. You're just stuck. You don't move at all. There is no progress in your life. You tell me, is that going to make you happier or not? So again, just, just be measured and intentional in your approach to this, but use your head, right? Just, just look at this logically. Um, as much as HPF can be an emotional path for some men, and a lot of men, they'll invest in HPF and they're in an emotional state. They'll speak with our coaches and they're struggling. It's actually a very logical decision in, in a sense to either join HPF or listen to this podcast or review whether I'm stagnating or progressing and which one's going to serve me better. It's pretty, pretty fucking clear, pretty easy to see. However, what happens? We get in the way. Um, you know, and, and you're not stuck because you lack the ability. You're stuck because you don't have scoreboards. You can't see how you're moving, or there's no way to see how you're moving. You don't have others to keep you on track so you keep moving. And you look at your week, yeah, I did 4 out of 5 reps. Awesome. That's momentum. You know, that's progress. Like you feel that you might not even have that. It might progress in one area, but again, if you're progressing in an area that isn't bringing meaning, then you're drifting. So then it's dangerous because you are progressing, progressing with the wrong things. You're not progressing the right things. And then you're not tracking your reps at all. And if you are, it's not bringing meaning. And then this compounds. Might as well be stagnating because what I do doesn't matter anyway. And you know, like that's Man, that's, that's the inner monologue or dialogue that we can create, but that's the reality that we unfortunately can carve when we run the threat of being on the wrong side of each of these pillars. Pillar, I hope this is serving you, man. Like I'm expanding on these a little bit. Um, it'll probably get a little bit shorter as we build and they'll stack, but, um, yeah, I hope this is making sense and serving you well and giving you some food for thought. Pillar 3, isolation versus connection. And I did sort of pepper that at the end of the last one, talking about people that keep you accountable and a tribe, but it's not just HPF and be around other men. Like, are you respected, seen, and present at home? We've got members who used to just disappear off into the shed and that's my time and I'm going to drink my beers or do whatever. And I get that. I truly do. There's times where I'll just, I hate, it's a weird, it's a weird sensation actually. Crin got me a Nintendo Switch for my birthday. Man, my kids are so loud. And I've got narrow eardrums or something apparently too. Apparently as a pre— previous life, I was a professional swimmer, which I can't— mate, I'm not a good swimmer. Actually, I'm not a bad swimmer. I just do not have the buoyancy. And my ears hurt so much. I love my children, but they're so loud. We're playing— could you imagine the Nintendo Switch playing Mario Party? We've all got controllers, mate. Crazy, crazy, crazy. There are times where I hit this point. I'm like, I just I need to unplug here, man. I got to get away. I just I need me time. I can't I can't be around this. This is too much. But also there's difference between having your own time and timeouts and actually being isolated from your own family. And that's what I love. Look, love all the men here who who want to invest in themselves and and try and be better. And I love all the members of HPF. And, and not but, but, and yes, I also do have a soft spot for farmers. That's such a tough gig, man. Like, you're, you're so isolated. Such a tough gig. I wish all the farmers were in HPF. I really do. Um, I don't know how I could make that happen, but I pray it happens one day. Like, without them, we have nothing. Nothing. Nothing. And I know there's other trades and I know there's other industries. I'm, I'm, I'm very respectful of that, but soft spot for them, man. But coming back to this, isolation is such a, geez, it's, it's a. How can the spirit of the man carry forth in isolation? And isolation is the antithesis of connection. Like it is the, the anti, it's like the opposite of. So it's not even about being seen, respected, or present at home, which sometimes can be a skill gap relationships again, too much panda, maybe too much Viking. The kids are scared of you like that, of course, but I'm talking about like. You actually not like, you don't have those strong bonds with, with your partner, with the kids, with your tribe. Do you have a tribe of people around you? Maybe not. You know, even with success, unhappy men are lonely. Even with success, they absolutely are. You know, um, that's why I'm big on even if we save one man, we're saving a generation. And I know it's when I say save, the credit's yours and, and good on you. And, but I do use that as a general term of HPF and the mission and the team here, helping those men save themselves. And not saving from your own life, but saving from the path of regret and remorse and not fulfilling what you can in your life. So that's a big one. That's a big one. You know, we have different avatars with HPFs. We all come— none of us have these, and then we have kids, we get them, right? The burnt-out provider. The disconnected husband and the overwhelmed father. They're the top 3, right, that you normally have, or the bottom 3. And then you move through like the HPF journey. We've got a 1,000-day journey and you become a self-mastery seeker and a legacy builder. Powerful stuff. You know, like if you're the burnt-out provider, your worth equals money. You're under constant fatigue. There's emotional absence. Your kids experience the ATM dad, right? And that's about it. And then the marriage is eroding and you sort of respect it at the office or at work, but then you're a stranger at home and And, and, and it's, it's, it's understanding that connection is not about these grand, um, these romantic getaways with the missus or going on crazy holidays with the kids to Disneyland. Like, it's about in the room, in the moment with people where there's mutual value. And, and value is love and respect, and you need both. You need both in marriage. Otherwise you have turbulent emotional connection or your ship's in the night and you're just mates who respect each other, right? But across the board, isolation is, is, is such a killer of happiness. You know, like, like I said, I need my moments of isolation for some peace and serenity, but consistently throughout your life, we are, and you can see that, like, we are social creatures. I'm naturally an introvert, but I, I don't crave people, but I just, I, I, I I honor the connection we can have and, and, and just the wavelength you can be on, man. And you'd see that whether you go to sports, your sporting team, or even men, or even I jump on a team meeting, everything lifts, everything's elevated like that. Like I said, that being on that way or raising that, that frequency, man, you're like, it just, you know, and then I'll have a bit of quiet time. But that's a big one. Who are you connected to? How are you connecting? What does connection look like for you? And where could that be missing? You know, and is that a sign of respect or lack thereof for yourself, for others? Are you really present or you're a body that's just in the same room? What does connection look like for you that you have control and power and influence over? Are you actively seeking to isolate yourself because of fear of judgment, because of self-judgment, because in self-judgment, are you looking at yourself with blame and shame and guilt and look, I promise you this much, man. There's no— there's never any— like, we're never going to judge. Like, there's no judgment inside of HPF. Do we judge actions and course correct? Of course. Hey, you did 4 out of 5 this week in your game plan. What happened here? Like, of course. Like, we, we measure and we, we interpret and recalibrate what you need to do. And but judging you, hard times, good times? Nah, man. Like, it's part of the family. So why do you judge yourself then so aggressively? You know, I remember hearing, um, it was a powerful piece from Shannon Brenton. He's a legend. He's coming to our summit as one of our experts. Touch on that shortly, but I've got exciting news for non-members regarding that. But, um, I remember him telling me a story of a woman he was working with. She's a very powerful woman, I think boss or CEO of company and, you know, pretty, pretty, um, pretty capable, right? And, and he asked her, hey, she's mentioning like just so self-critical. And he said, hey, how do you communicate with your workers? And she's like, oh, great. I'll do this, this, this, and that. And he's like, okay. He's like, well, like, question then, would you, would you tell your workers this, this, this, and that? And basically repeated what she would say. Oh no, absolutely not. Absolutely not. I'd never say that to them. So why are you saying that about yourself? Like, this stuff is so harsh. You wouldn't say it to your children, to your workers, your colleagues, even a stranger on the street. Yet here you are just ripping into yourself with that self-talk. Um, I know that was a bit of a Um, you know, offshoot from pillar 3, but I think that's an important thing. If that helps one man, then I'm glad I spent a couple of minutes going through it. Because that's what isolation will do. If you're not building the frameworks of stability with the right people around you and connecting and clarity on what the path is for you, and you're driving more meaning in your life and you're progressing on that meaning, and mate, what, what alternative is there? It's almost like the default for life is not necessarily evil, but it's like decay and death. Yeah. And from there dies the spirit. So what, what hope do you have of being a happy-go-lucky, cheerful man if you're in full isolation without those, those frameworks on what you can focus on, your belief systems and values, getting that reinforcement and support, AKA connection, on what you've done, focusing on your strengths? Man, I've got plenty of weaknesses. I just triple down on my strengths and then I find other people's strengths that, that are my weaknesses and Wow, there you go. There's the jigsaw puzzle that gets completed quite easily. You know, it's not— don't try and be all things for all people, including yourself. Your tool belt isn't designed to try and have all of the best tools on there. Find the tools you can wield the best, make them the best, and hold on to them. That's the power of having connection versus isolation. Pillar 4, misalignment versus integrity. So this, this comes down to now an internal compass, right? Like, are you living what you say or lying to yourself? I'm not infallible, mate. I mean, look, my, some of the most horrendous, um, thoughts, acts, and, and, and lack of integrity is what led to starting HPF and then my personal professional life falling apart, you know. But, but again, if the spokes of your wheel are out of alignment, There's a 100% guarantee that you won't win the race of being your greatest version in your life, having all your family. That's what I consider the race and winning, being on your deathbed, all your family, your grandchildren, great-grandchildren around you celebrating you, honoring you. Be a man of your word. That's one of our tenets. Are you living what you say or lying to yourself? So if you can't uphold the word you're about to give Don't fucking give it. And if that comes at the cost of some emotional friction, judgment, disappointment, whether it's a word to your wife, to your clients, your kids, well, so be it. It's on you, man, to see more and before as a leader of whatever environment you're in, family, self, and service, and make the best possible decisions with the accumulation of data that you have, which means you're always searching, you're always forecasting, you're always looking forward. If you can't give it, don't give it. But you're giving so many words and you're not following through on them. And some of them you shouldn't be doing or giving. And some of them, they're fucking layups, mate. But you are drifting, you're stagnating, and you're isolating yourself. Can you see how this stacks now? Yet you're a man of integrity because you say nice words to people in public. Oh, trust me. Like I was, I'm a, I'm a good-hearted man and I was a good-hearted man. I was younger, but I was full of shit in so many ways, man. And I lacked integrity. And that, that was such an ironic thing because you've got someone here who was an elite athlete, like disciplined, driven. It's so squared away in such a minute part of life and such a high performer. And none of that carried over. Uh, well, some did, but not a lot carried over to the other parts of my life. Crazy. Crazy. You know, be very careful that misalignment versus integrity. And it's not just your word, it's just your actions, how you operate, how you think. Like that gap there, that destroys self-respect, mate. And again, isolation, shame, guilt, blame. If not now, when? It'll come for you. It absolutely will. So let's invert it. Are you going to have lots of happiness by being misaligned in your life, completely out of alignment to what your core, your gut, your spirit, whatever you want to call it, like what that is sensing and knowing and feeling? Of course you won't. So happy men, they live with integrity. They live in integrity. Unhappy men say one thing, do another. Hey, but you know what? When someone asks you, you can justify it. Yeah, but look at all these things I did this week. Yeah, cool. Here's a question for you. If you had a board of directors, of a business called your life and they followed you around everywhere you went, how would your track record stack up then? Would they be proud of what they saw? Would you be proud of what you saw, what they saw? And that's what happens. Men that are misaligned and out of integrity, they'll showcase all of their, all of their merit awards, all of their gold star stickers on their chest. Yeah, cool. Awesome, man. Let's collate that. Okay, sweet. All of these amazing wins you've gotten that you are promoting, that's about 8 hours of the week. What happened for the other 100 hours? Show me that. There's your answer. Truth over story. You know, like we're not here to report on all the great things that we've done. Look at this. Look at this. Look at this. We have transparency so we can see clearly and then we can correct. I'm sure somewhere, I'm sure somewhere, whether it's Adam or someone in the team. I'm sure somewhere I told someone that, yeah man, I'll flick you a message, and, and it's, it's been a day or 2 days. I'm like, I'm not perfect. Um, I prioritize my life. It's been a tough 10 weeks, man. I miss doing this podcast with little Flossie. It's been so hard. I'll prioritize my life. I'll take ownership of that, and I'll clean my house, and that's important. So this is not coming from a position of me trying to put it over anyone or stand taller than anyone. These men, these pillars are constant threats, right? Upholding the right pillar. You pick one or the other, misalignment, integrity. So that's what makes this— when I talk about happiness, let's go upstream, fellas. There's no set and forget. It is a constant work. But don't feel tired, fatigued, or deflated because guess what? If it's a constant work you can uphold, then you'll have Constant fucking victory, mate, and that tastes good. I like the taste of that. That's really nice. So, so with the whole the game never ends and consistency and structure and all these things that seem evergoing and infinite games— good, because if I can do it and do it well enough and nail it, then I'll fucking infinitely be living the life that I should be. Fantastic. Love it. Awesome. That's how you flip that script when, uh, yeah, little devil gets in your ear and tries to just kick back, man. Why are you trying so hard? Why fucking not, mate? You got a good answer for that? And don't tell me because no one else is or because everyone else isn't. Um, you know, when we talk about leadership and just final part of this, we'll move to pillar 5. When we talk about leadership, it's like You'll decide, like you'll make, having integrity means making decisions even when it's uncomfortable, not just when it's easy. Patrick Lencioni, I've mentioned him a couple of times. He's got great books and there's things like The 5 Temptations of a CEO, and that's for anyone, right? He just made it more an executive book, but it's for anyone, you know, choosing status over success, right? Look at me. I'm Al the CEO. Like I, I, I, people Sometimes get it out of me. But if anyone asks me on a plane anywhere, hey, what do you do? I work for an organization called High Performance Father. Um, you know, oh yeah, cool. And obviously I talk about, you know, what we do and, oh yeah, sweet. And, and, and what sort of stuff do I— you know, I'm, you know, I help them. I try and lead and, and coaching and part of the community. And, you know, and then again, like I said, sometimes people will eventually ask enough questions and I'm here to be honest, but Yeah, I don't lead with I'm fucking Alex Renieri, the CEO. No, no, no. Leadership is making tough decisions. It's doing what's required. It's not bound by a badge or a status. But those temptations are good, man. And that's why, man, you got to keep on this. Uh, one's choosing popularity over accountability. Um, one's choosing certainty over clarity. Like, these are like, you know, one's choosing, um, harmony, uh, over, over truth. Right. So conflict in teams, um, you know, and, uh, and one's choosing invulnerability over trust. So they're like the temptations, you know. Um, yeah, we don't need to be vulnerable here, but then there's no trust. So that, that, that's across the board. So this is leadership, doing things when it's uncomfortable, not just when, when it's easy. Um, and look, there's a reasonable chance just on this, whether it's misalignment versus integrity, that you've seen this in yourself, you've seen this in your own team, um, you've seen this in the household, right? Our kids, our kids are brilliant, man. I gotta tell you, they are the best hypocrites in the world, mate. They will just ruthlessly and shamelessly point things out and point out your flaws and discrepancies on things, on things they did 5 minutes earlier. Oh, fuck, they crack me up, mate. Roman will be complaining about Lillian and Lillian did the same thing. Roman did the same thing to her, you know, 2 minutes ago. And, uh, so good. So funny. So funny. Pillar 5, chaos versus control. You know, do you run your life or do you react to it? So when we look at structure or when we're looking at structure, um, you know, it's, it's You got to look at the purpose of why you do things. And if I look at structure as creating order in my life, that gives me freedom to execute. It removes the burden of decision in the moment, and it allows prioritization for my life. So I really enjoy structure. Structure to me is a sense of freedom. It's allowing me to have control in a genuine way. So when we look at this one, chaos versus control, like, are you running your life or are you reacting to it? Chaos is like a, you know, and you don't always control what happens around you, right? But that, that equals anxiety. It really does. Like, if you, if you're passively allowing this chaos in your life through your own lack of structure and incompetence in, in becoming better, like, I look at I look at not, not just HPF, but I look at life as a human being as 3 very simple things. What are you doing? How are you improving? And who are you doing it with? It's like learn, do, tribe. Like, what are you learning? So what are you getting better at? What are you actually doing? And who are you with? Who's in your life? Yeah, in family, self, and service. Self's probably, it's obviously it's you, but it's, but hang on a minute. What's that relationship you have with yourself in yourself? So yes, it's that simple, man. What are you doing? What are you learning to get better? Or how are you getting better and who are you around? So when we look at chaos versus control, it really is about simplifying things and taking charge, coming back to my point of passive chaos. And shaping your environment, shaping your choices, shaping your calendar, shaping your belief systems to have control in the right areas. Like happy men feel like they can influence their direction. Unhappy men feel like life is just happening to them. Just happening to me, man. It's like, like tell me, like tell me anywhere again, invert this. Like tell me anywhere where chaos and just life happening to you and you reacting constantly all the time. All day, every day, that's gonna, that's gonna bring so much lightness and liberation and joy and fulfillment. Not a chance, man, you know. But it's tiring. But you're not tired, you're unstructured. I did a Monday charge-up on this, um, with the community. And it's not saying that you can't be tired, but you're, you're tired unnecessarily because there's so much chaos in your life that is not necessary. Yeah, having no structure, like I think I said at the start, it is structure. Having no structure, that's a type of. So the question to ask yourself is whether your current structure is strong enough to counter the world that's pulling at you. Again, coming back to this is, this isn't, fellas, this is not a finger-pointing thing. It's not, hey, it's your fault. You did this, or it's, you know, I don't like, I don't like blame and fault. Hey, I fucked up here. Yeah, that's cool. But you know what, like what you're doing right now moving forward is not your fault. It's your responsibility on what you're going to do about it. I just, I just, I know it seems a bit sort of the same thing, but it's not. It's like you're reflecting on something that's happened in the past and you're here right now in the present. So it's like, okay, that may have been because of me. But when you say this is, or it is, or my fault, like you're bringing that into the present, man. You're shaping that into the future. Fuck that off. Fall on the sword. Cool. My responsibility. Anything that happens, anything that goes wrong in HPF, like any business, any organization, there's holes to plug, gaps to fill, there's improvements that need to be made. You keep growing, you keep evolving, you keep getting— I mean, I'll never stop. I'm obsessed. Like, we, we run an amazing system, an amazing outfit. So why not get better? Like, me saying we run an amazing operation, cool. How's that make my life better? It's a fucking sentence, mate. So let's get better. Let's do more. Why not? You know, why not you? Why shouldn't we? So when, when, when we look at this, it's, I don't know, that mentality of fault and blame living in the past versus the mentality of everything wrong that happens in HPF is my fault. Cool. No, no, it's my responsibility is what I'm going to do about it. So, hey, sorry I let you down here. Hey, yep, that's on me. Yep, cool. Yes, that, that was my fault. Now this is my responsibility, what I'm gonna do about it. So if you wanna use it, great. But the problem is, and again, this is that whole pendulum thing, I say that to you men to really bring the pendulum back to center, to stop using detrimental language and then just empower yourself with a word like responsibility and moving forward. And then you're actually moving forward. You're doing something about it. Um, you know, like, like when we, when we look at chaos versus control, it's absolutely that. Control the controllables. You know what chaos is? Chaos is doing nothing and then trying to control things that you don't have control over, nor should you ever try to. And then again, just like misalignment and integrity, you've got self-respect that's being diminished and now you've got self-confidence, which is shot to shit. And then you've got isolation and you're lost and you're drifting. You're not doing anything. You're stagnant. You see how all of these stack up? You don't even know where you stand, man. You don't know where you stand in the wife of your eyes, in her heart, your children, even in your business, whether it's successful or not, in society, in the world. Man, like it's tough, tough place to be. Tough to be happy. When you've got all of that. Now, this is a podcast that's going to shape you to be a man that is productive and moving forward and dominant in areas that he wants to pursue, right? Please just note, like, I'm not saying happiness is, is, is, is the trophy, is, is, is, is the end game. I just, I was just thinking about that, just came to me then quickly. Like, please understand that. Like, I'm not saying. Happiness is your goal. What I'm saying is you can create a system for life such that by operating in ways that brings fulfillment and peace and contribution and purpose and meaning and progress and connection and integrity and control and gratitude and having strong physiology— they're the last 2— as a natural byproduct, you're probably going to be happier more often than not. And if we're measuring happiness Um, not as an action, like a lot, but like as a state that most people, you know, not as an action or a state, but something as a byproduct. Because again, like I said, some people think it's a state, some people think it's an emotion, some people think it's an action. For me, if we measure it as a byproduct, well then chances are you're doing all of the right things and happiness is an enriched state that you embody more often than not. That maintains calibration towards these 7 pillars to close the loop and create that beautiful cycle. Does that mean that I can, um, does that mean that I can't have control, integrity, blah, blah, blah, and, and be happy at the same time? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Let me, let me, let me re-say it. Does that mean that I can do all these things whilst I'm unhappy? Yeah, it does. Like you don't have to, like they're not laws to each other. Like I can have meaning and have a tough day at work, but there's meaning. But what I'm saying is as a system, these consistently executed on are going to be a precursor to or create the byproduct of a more elevated state in your output, in how you see the world and how you feel about the world and your life and your family and your mission, your purpose. Which then creates a nicer state of how you hold yourself as a human being in happiness. Call it joy, call it lightness, call it love, laughter. Like, you know, well, that's a bit too much laughter, you know, but call it whatever things bring that, that sense of not euphoria and not necessarily contentment. But just, just being, just being at a more optimal level in yourself. Like your, your literal, your being. That's all. That's all. I'm not, you know, I'm not here advocating happiness being the prize. What I'm saying is so many people pursue it and chase it and hunt it down like it's a physical thing or a feeling that something outside is just going to give them inside. That's all, man. You know, isn't there a movie? Oh yeah, Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happiness. It's been too long since I've seen that, so I can't reference any of that. But that's my point, like, that the— it's not like that. That's the problem. There is no pursuit of happiness. It's a byproduct of how you operate as a man with a system across these 7 pillars. Maybe there's 9, maybe you only need 4. I don't know, like But what I will say is all 7 of these, you won't miss. Firstly, secondly, if only one of these is executed, then you're allowing yourself to have that state of fulfillment, which elevates and lightens you in a state of happiness. Like me knowing, being a man of such integrity versus when I wasn't, man, that just makes me feel so, like, I just feel so at peace with that. Like, I feel so, so grateful, so happy. So like all of them, like they all interlink, but. Me being connected to the tribe, geez, that just brings me a sense. Like when we say happiness is an emotion, we're just describing a sense. Like being connected to the men of HPF, that's such a nice sensation. Me knowing that I'm making progress in my life, that's such a nice sensation. Me knowing my life is meaningful and I'm driving that meaning, such a nice sensation. That's my point. Pillar 6, comparison versus gratitude. Yeah, where does your attention live? You hear that comparison is a thief of joy. Well, there you go. You know, but it does kill, like one thing it does is it kills satisfaction. And that's where, uh, you know, respectfully so, I know it's a good little war cry, but the whole grateful but unsatisfied. Yeah. I, I don't say that personally. I'm not against you if you do, but, but I, but I just feel like I can't because it's like, well, Um, my question to that statement will be satisfaction, if measured at any state or given point in time, is something you can both have when accomplishment is made because you're reflecting on the past actions that led to that accomplishment, and at the same time maintain ambition and a hunger for more. Because that present 3 seconds that you've just spent with satisfaction on the past has happened, has now lapsed, and you're now into the future present now, which can drive hunger. 3, 5, 12, 20, 30, 60, 80 seconds. That doesn't matter. So, so I guess what I'm saying is I can look back even right now to date. It's been just over an hour right now to date, an hour on this podcast. I'm extremely satisfied. With how this podcast is going, and I'm very hungry to finish it strong with you men on these last 2. And I'm both at the same time, right? I'm extremely satisfied with my training, my nutrition, the way my day has been conducted, but my day is still going, so I'm very ambitious and hungry for more. And I guess that's the whole— because grateful is, is, is not necessarily satisfaction. That's why they're 2 words that exist. But, but yes, grateful is a level of contentment, just like satisfaction could be, right? And appreciation, just like satisfaction could be, right? Hard to be satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time. That, that's all. Um, so no matter how well you're doing, comparison, it kills it, man. It kills satisfaction. And you'll— we'll put it this way. They're 2 different words, but I would argue that it's extremely hard to be grateful without having some sort of satisfaction in your life. Hard to be grateful and unsatisfied, I guess, is my point. Thank you so much. Thank you, Lord, or whoever you pray to or talk to, and your wife or your kids. Thank you so much for all the things that I'm extremely unsatisfied about. Anyway, not to be a smartass. Happy men, you know, like we, we, we, you know, join the club. You want to be a happy man? Come join the club. We, there's more than one. Happy men focus on what's working, right? The unhappy ones always comparing. And I get that, mate. Like, I was not happy when I was at the St. George Illawarra Dragons. I was always comparing, you know, I was, I guess, bottom of the food chain. It just come from Penrith. I do remember, I haven't shared this, I've never shared this before. I do remember there was a preseason, I was very fit and I was ripping in and driving and we're getting pumped, but I was doing real well. So, and naturally as a protagonist, I'm, I'm, you know, I like You know, pumping people up around me. I see the best in others. I'm like, "Come on, boys, we can do it. Let's go. Come on." And and I remember vividly, man. We're at Wollongong University. It was all like the big grass field out there at the front. I remember a few of the um not well, I guess top dogs. A few a few of the more established players. I remember them giving me a look, and I don't know if the look was because they were fucked or if it was just a look of like. The fuck are you, mate? Like, fucking trying to pump us up. But it was definitely the second look. I didn't know at the time though, but I remember after that session, that preseason session, that things were different. Um, now if you go back in the early years, you'll hear that there's, there's still wounds. There's, there's, um, there's, there's a disappointment towards how I was treated. Um, there were, there were lies that were spoken, um, and things like even around like Wayne Bennett and, and there are other players and all that stuff. And, and What I really love about this journey, man, is the growth and the change. Like, I'm completely at peace with that. In fact, if anything, I'm very grateful, um, you know, for, for some of the, the bullying and things that happened. I'm very grateful for, for being able to, to experience, um, my personal unique relationship with Wayne, albeit it's different to many others and similar to many others, um, you know. But, but I'm very grateful for that because you're always learning. You're always learning things and, and, and the hardest part is holding onto the ego, which has a desire to be able to learn, apply, and course correct in the same time, which is usually impossible. There's always a lag, if not even an hour, typically it's years. And what I mean by that is being who I am now, mate, there's no fucking way I would have tolerated what happened down at the Dragons. Mate, no, no, man, I couldn't imagine the version of Al right now down there. Now I'm not saying that I'll put it over everyone. I'm not saying I'm the king and blah blah. I'm just saying like who I am now is because of what I tolerated when I shouldn't have and the pain and the isolation and the self-judgment and, and, and the coldness and, and all these things. that I look back and I'm thankful to, to those players, and I'm thankful to Wayne Fore. And I'd love to, um, not in a negative way, but, but, you know, maybe one day I will see him in person and thank him for the gift. And, and I, I truly mean that. So whereas what took me many years was comparison, right? Even to the point where it's like, ah yeah, all those footy players, mate, they're going to be washed up one day and I'm, I'm doing HPF like this. I'm serious, man. This is the stuff that used to go through my head when I was, um, back in the early It's like, yeah, cool, mate, no one will remember you, but HPF's going to be global. It's just all like— it's, it's— and you can see that, like, there's the chip on the shoulder, there's the wound, and we all have that to a degree. And I don't need that fuel anymore. I'm very grateful for that because the gratitude's replaced comparison. Um, I don't know, for what it's worth, man, like, I'm, I'm a pretty open book here. I hope that provided value for you. And yeah, I mean, if you want more of that sort of stuff, let me know. If not, I just You know, happy to, happy to share. Um, otherwise, um, I like to try and give examples, but, but also please know it's never about me. I'm not, I'm not looking for praise. Um, I care not for, for, for the name. Uh, it's, it's, it's always just to show you, like, I like sharing my stories, not because of me, but just to give you the example. I just wanted to show you an example of what's possible. And I'm not the only example in the world either. of a human being that has resilience or determination or overcomes hardship and blah, blah, blah. That's all. Seek growth, love, and joy. You know, when we look at, when we look at your, your life, um, it's about a state of becoming, you know, live the life as you build the life, live the life as you build, live your life as you build more life. I'm not sure, like there's, there's something in there, right? Um, don't be hedonistic and careless like you've only got 3 weeks left to live and then you go and spend all your money and then you got nothing. But it's like, yeah, live your life as you keep building your life. You know, seek growth, love, and joy. Don't compare. Yeah, don't compare. I've got some crazy stories, man. And, um, my journey is definitely not a typical one that's bound by stability and buying my first home when I was 18 or 20 and then buying all these investment properties and And steady as she goes, mate. I've been in one job for 50 years now. I couldn't be further from that, man. It's crazy. It's a wild journey. Um, but if I stop and compare, and this isn't even with other people, by the way, just, just make note of that. It's comparison on expectations and assuming, which creates entitlements. I'm here now, I'm 41, I've got this, I should have had that. Like, it's not even comparing against other people, it's comparing against, um, material things or assets or, or a sense of feeling or, or, um, what your body shape should be or how your relationship should be, how many kids you should— like, it's, it's not, it's not— when I say comparison versus gratitude, it's actually most of the time in your own head. I know it sounds crazy, but it's true, man. Um, but the, the, the spark though, of course, is what are you comparing to? So You know, I should have this car instead of that car. It's like, well, you will pick that because you know someone who has that car, right? So I, they are definitely related, but, but yes, a lot of the times it's the comparison in yourself. I should have had this and this and this and be very careful with that, you know, because that's, that's what comparison is versus gratitude. It's 2 sides that you can't be. It's a yes, no, you can't be one and be the other at the same time. You got to choose one or the other. And when you're comparing, you have a sense of expectation and entitlement with a life you haven't lived. Like, have you lived 80 before and you remember? Have you, have you lived a whole life before and you remember that? So you know exactly what to do and what not to do? Of course not. What's the next best thing? Yeah, observe, monitor, see what other people are doing. How were your parents? What have you learned? What have you, you know, networking, connecting with, lessons. Lived, books you've read, of course, but you still got to live it, mate. Like, there's no book that's mapped out what my life's been, that's for sure. Um, but there are elements in lots of different books that run in parallel to some of the things I've had to go through and overcome. So just, just know and understand that, like, we, we struggled not as much as other people, but we did struggle. A lot with IVF, so clearly wasn't impossible. You got 3 kids from it. But, but yes, we did struggle early on. Very, very tough. Didn't look like it was going to work, you know. Um, we got eggs, we didn't get eggs. The blastocyst sort of worked, it didn't work. And hormones and injections. And so it was very tough. Uh, but I've, I know people have had it tougher, uh, and it is, it is really hard regardless. But so I look at, I look at my life at 41 and If I went back to the 21-year-old version of Al, I'd be like, oh mate, I should have played fucking 300 games of first grade footy, uh, New South Wales State of Origin, played for Australia, um, got X amount of money, got X amount of houses, and, and now I'm on the, on, in the media and I'm a commentator. What, like, mate, couldn't be further. Could not be further. So like, when you look at comparison, it's like, where are you drawing that from? You're drawing that from goals that a younger, lesser version of you has defined before you've gone through these trials and tribulations and the ups and the downs. How does that even make sense? I say that not because men should stay in HPF forever, but if a man's done reasonably well in HPF, so he's gotten some great results, but then naturally the world life, he dips in and out or he drifts a little bit. Or so let's, well, even if you've got great results, right? But Good, great, awesome. What does that mean when you say results? Oh, these are the outcomes. The outcomes from what? Oh, the outcomes from what I planned. Okay, so you're version 2.0 now? Yes, I am. Awesome. But, but who designed those goals? Oh, version 1.0. Correct. That's right. So, so let me ask you something then. What does version 2.0 see? And again, this is not like I'm, I'm, I understand, you know, I've worked with thousands of men and I can see the pattern clear as fucking day and I'm pretty fast and influential. So it's not here to pin you down, but it's like, yeah, stay in HPF, don't stay in HPF. But if someone said, mate, life's, life's good, awesome, what's next? And I get a sniff of fucking coasting, cruising, or any of those 7 pillars. I know I'm not up to 7 yet, but any of these pillars. That the opposite's being taken. I'll give you the truth. I'm not going to run— we're not going to run out of work. Like, there's a fair few fathers in Australia, let alone the world. So it's not about running out of work, but it's like, cool, let me get this straight. So you're settling as version 2.0 has a completely different set of eyes off the fucking vision that version 1.0, the one you couldn't wait to fucking get away from, you couldn't stand, set? Is that what you're saying? So you're settling on the outcomes of what the older version you didn't want to be anymore set? With now the newer version, with new eyes, new muscle, plenty to flex, plenty to do, and you've stopped. Is that what I'm hearing? So, so when we look at this, man, it's like, it's so strange because the irony of this is it's, it drives the ego from you on comparing, comparing against other people and doing something about it, comparing against other people and staying the same. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. As opposed to gratitude and being grateful for the opportunity. You know, like it's, it's not gratitude isn't, isn't something that's soft. And you know, it's, it's a great strategy. It can shift your state. It can shift your focus on, you know, but, but if you start your morning, like naming what's working, where you're at fundamentally. What you're pursuing, like gratitude can be past, present, and future. Like you're completely shifting your nervous system, man. As opposed to a manager starts the day fucking comparing and crying poor me, completely shifts. Just talk physiology, completely shifting. Let alone your state of mind, your focus. You're coming from position of strength where the other one comes from position of lack. That's what it is, right? Let's just call it for what it is. When you compare, you're coming from position of lack. And when you come from a position of lack, what does that then say? I'm not enough. And when you say I'm not enough, what does that then do? Drive fear. And then when you start making decisions based off fear, you tell me what that does. You are fucked. Your wife, you lose respect. You go stiffening around, she goes stiffening around. You push her away. You become desperate. You overreach with your children everywhere, man. Like, you overreach with your wife, you overreach with your mate, with your children. Like they don't see you as a pillar of strength. They're bringing more value to them. You're not hungry or ambitious, so why would you understand what their wants and needs are and provide value through the eyes of them in this world? Having special time, filling their buckets of parent attention. Then you look at your work and your career ambitions. Yeah, you might be fucking slick with a few words. You might have a few degrees, but then where does that leave you? Smart or not, anyone with street smarts will cut through that in a fucking second, mate, and see you for where you are right now and how you're operating. You tell me any decision. We all experience fear, but decisions made off fear? Look in your life, look in your heart and soul right now across your life in all the times you made decisions based on fear and you tell me how fucking great they turned out. You cannot be grateful and fearful at the same time. You can be fearful through lacking, through comparing. Absolutely. Absolutely. I talk about it in a formula. Faithful and fearless. Fearful and faithless. Won't have any faith for yourself and your family and your future outcomes. Operating out of fear. Gratitude, man. It's a powerful thing. It's a powerful thing. And then think about every decision that follows on from that. Like, I, I, I, I, there's, there's so much, there's so much shit I need to do, man. And I put this podcast off all week and I'm sitting here now going, I'm so grateful I get the chance to do this podcast because I love doing it. I didn't put it off because I don't like doing this, but here I am right now going, I'm so grateful, man, that I get to share and, and I get to share some things and it's actually valuable and these men take it on board. You know, it's, it's, it's awesome and not for my sense of Self or ego. Like, I don't know who's listening to this unless you contacted me and told me, but it's like I just feel so blessed for the opportunity. I feel so grateful. And when you operate, they just just rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Don't be robotic. Live it, feel it, breathe it. I'm so grateful my children are so fucking loud sometimes because one day there will be silence and I'll miss that sound. Will I miss the decibels? Popping my eardrums? Probably not. But will I miss some of those crazy Nintendo Switch moments? Yes. I feel so grateful I've got this little baby again. So hard, man. I mean, every kid's hard, but so hard with little Flossie. I got this little baby that I can, you know, I can hold and, and, you know, squish and play with and all that stuff. And that's awesome. Will I get to do that as a grandparent? Yeah, sure. But is the child completely mine? No. It's not, you know, it's my daughter's child. It's my son's child. Part of their life, part of me. Gratitude. Even just the shift in this episode. Not that I wasn't grateful beforehand, but just talking about it, man, like it's, it's a beautiful thing. Wow. This is a long one. Let's keep rolling. Last one, pillar seven. I should have broken this into two maybe, but that's okay. We're here now, or I am, but if you are too, I commend, I commend the your endurance and enthusiasm. Low energy versus strong physiology. Like I know this seems a little bit different, but it's not like happiness as a byproduct for you having. Fulfillment, peace, confidence, and purpose is the sum of its parts. We've got meaning. My life is meaningful, and the direction I'm taking it is not one of drift. It's one of meaning and purpose. I make progress. There is actionable change that can be measured and seen over time, as opposed to nothing. In a state of connectedness to others around me, as opposed to isolation. With integrity, knowing my internal compass is shooting north, beautiful North Star. In control of how I run, operate, what matters most, with a sense of gratitude, which is essentially, in a way, a combination of love and appreciation, even as far as admiration for this life that we have. With a vehicle that can ensure that all of these other parts can remain true. You know, if you're busted as shit and you're low energy, how how are you going to strike up the strength to structure and organize your life? Be a man who makes sound decisions with integrity. Be connected to those around you as opposed to isolation. Make progress in what you're pursuing and ensure that you do not drift and you stay aligned with meaning as well as having gratitude. No chance, mate. No chance. Does that mean there are fat people out there that are not grateful? Of course not. But you, you, you, we talking high performance here or are we talking like something? Are we talking high performance, Father, or are we talking something's better than nothing? Like, come on, man. Like, hey, even if you bought the $5 Marriage Playbook, you're a fucking member, mate. You are a part of how you are HPF. Even if you're listening to this podcast, don't pay a cent. You are HPF. The question is, how long, how often, how frequently do you choose to embody and live and breathe it? Someone listening to a podcast versus a playbook versus, man, this community. It's crazy. So much. I don't have enough time to show all the screenshots and the testimonials. We're just going through Winter Wars as well. That has been an unbelievable event this year. Shout out to the Firebreathers. The boys got the chockies at, uh, but all the squads were fantastic. And, um, actually I haven't seen the results of round 3, but I know the Firebreathers won the first 2. When, when we, when we look at our lives, gentlemen, there's nothing wrong. Coming back to this pillar, we better wrap this up. There's nothing wrong with the primal part of you that wants to carry strong physiology in himself. Again, it doesn't mean you need to be shredded. But yes, we are talking high performance. You can't, like, you cannot outthink a drained body. Happy men will typically have energy and clarity, not live in fatigue, brain fog, irritability. Like, physiology, nervous system, like it matters. It's your vehicle that you're carrying through life. You know, it'll fade away and, you know, eventually you'll, uh, what do I call it? Is it cremation? Like, yeah, you're dead and buried. No, I get all that, but man, while you've got it, like, I want to be the fittest 41-year-old I've ever been. I want to be the fittest 42-year-old. I want to be the best shape. And that comes with peaks and troughs and peaks and chocks. Think about chocolates. Wrap this up, boys. Get some treats. But it's been hard, man. Like Florence not sleeping. There's cortisol stress. I'm looking. I'm like, man, I'm pretty got some good striations. I'm pretty pretty jacked in a way. But I'm like this fucking last bit at the bottom. But is that fluid? Is it fat? Okay, dial it in. Cool. You bide your time. No, I've got a baby when she sleeps. But does that mean that because she's not sleeping that I shouldn't train at all? Like it's man standards standards. Like the spine of a man framework we talk about with HPF is who you are, what you do under pressure, and how you respond. And every single one of those downstream, like every single one of those is like a downstream of, of your simple primal standards, how you carry yourself. It's something that you have more often than not. I just spoke about flossing, not sleeping, but you have the highest level of control over, right? Because you do. Um, the decisions like what you put in your mouth and how you order your time and, and are you going to go for walks? Are you going to train? Or, you know, how are you setting your state? So that's your physiology as well. So these all tie together. Strong physiology includes gratitude and control, right? And structure. When you have a strong body that is capable, you're going to handle stress differently. You're not going to snap at the dinner table or at the kids or at the missus. You're going to have more energy to drive healthy conflict where needed, put up healthy boundaries, to have those tough conversations. And we're talking about your operational capacity here. You know, like when I look at this again, and everything has a sweet spot, you don't have to be Mr. Olympia, but you are building a machine. You're building the machine that runs everything else. I remember saying this once and I got some feedback, um, from people, but they didn't understand the wording here. And what it was, was your physical wellbeing. This was back when I was running gyms. I'm probably paraphrasing. Actually, you'd find it if you scrolled through my personal Facebook long enough, but don't do that. I'll just tell you what it is here. Um, you'll see pictures of me at Byron Bay eating raw broccoli. When I was 18, um, on a— on a— was it on a bar? On a table? It doesn't matter. The things we do when we're young. Getting my greens in. Your physical health is the only foundation from which everything else can be built on. That's what it was. People chiming, what about mental health and this, this? I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, just Read the fucking Postmate. It's the only foundation from which everything else can build on. So you can do some breathwork and mindfulness and you can do all sorts of things to shift your state. You can set goals and you can go on holidays. You can get them, you know, you can get a, well, a massage is physical, but that's, but, but, you know, you can go and get a facial, whatever it is. You can do all these things that tick all these little boxes, but do they transfer over? You could create amazing clarity, peace of mind, prayer, and all these meditation. You can do all these things. Is that gonna? Is is that gonna cut the fucking twenty kilos you need to lose? Is that gonna? Is is that gonna completely shape things that you can do at a primal level with a heightened sense of energy and and clarity and endurance and Of course it won't. So, you know, they all go together, but that's what I remember saying that. And, um, and again, a lot of people got it, but some didn't. But it's like, yeah, like your physical wellbeing or your physiology, looking after that. And look, that does include breathwork, that does include mindfulness and all that. But what I'm saying is you having strong physiology, looking after your body, it's the only foundation that impacts every other one. Whereas all the other little ones, they don't necessarily cross over and impact each other. And that's all I was saying. So men, wrapping up, wrapping up these pillars, they're not problems. They're a comparison, right? It's, it's almost like a diagnostic tool, you know, like have a look and go and ask yourself, which ones am I leaking? And, and then not necessarily Whether, whether you have any, we all can be better, but going, can I name it and, and, and build enough structure in my life to then address it and improve and move on it? And if you know which pillar's bleeding, great. You know where to start. Just start with one rep. You know, and the reason why we built HPF is, is because the world doesn't have a system for this sort of stuff. That's what I'm trying to say. Like the, the, Happiness is a byproduct of a system that you can install, right? Gyms have programs, work has KPIs. What about, what about your identity as a man? What about your family, your marriage? What about pulling it all together? What about balance? Not measured through time, measured through impact. So I hope this serves you well, man. Find, choose, discover, explore, direct your life towards meaning. Not drifting. Always look for those little wins, even little singles. They all stack up, mate. Greatest wins come off the thousands of small, tiny reps. Progress, not because you're not enough, not because you have to, but because you choose to. Progress instead of stagnation. Connection with others instead of isolation. Integrity, your true north, your internal compass that drives you. Control, creating structure and running your life as opposed to reactive chaos. Gratitude, a sense of appreciation for all that you have and all that you can pursue, as opposed to comparison for what and where you lack, which strikes fear in your heart and strong physiology. To be enough long enough, produce enough So the other six stand tall and strong. I can hear feet coming in. Kids are about to come screaming into this office. I'll wrap it up. Appreciate you, men. Hope this serves you well. That was a big one, 90 minutes. And like I say, above all else, take action, of course, but just find the one. Find the one needs the most work. And the beautiful part about this is it can happen very quickly. Like you, any of these. You can action immediately. All of these, actually, all of these you can correct immediately. But when you do, stay on the fucking track and don't drift. So when you correct, stay corrected as long as you can. And when you fall off the horse, get back on and keep going, man. Keep going and growing, baby. There ain't no other way. Cheers, boys. Well, that wraps up another episode. And just as we wind this down, I want you to just reflect and think back through some of the golden nuggets, some of the revelations, some of the sore points, some of the things that might have hit home with you. And then just look at ways that you can apply a different set of actions to change your position, change your circumstances, change your feelings, and change the facts. These episodes are done with your best interest at heart, and there's always something we can get from that. Maybe it's not Maybe it's the second time. We've had members listen to episodes 4 or 5 times and then it finally clicks. But either way, I hope you got a lot of value out of this. And also, if this is something that you really want to solidify inside of your life, repetition is the key. You've listened to it. Write down your revelations, think about them, read them, speak them, believe in the changes that you will carve out in the action plan of those revelations to create change in your life, and then share it with others. Share that. And when you teach, you learn the second time, right? So teaching and showing this to others you love and care about is the greatest way that you can remember and make sure you consistently learn and relearn what is— it's true and what is— that is important to you in your heart. Take care, have an amazing day, night, weekday, weekend, and I'll see you for another one soon. Cheers.
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