105. The Trade Off In Trading

Foreign. Movement podcast. I'm your host, Al, and in this episode we are talking about tradings, trade offs, the trade off in trading. You know, it's really interesting. I found myself the other day trying to find the best way. Not that it's not like I'm a coach 247 or trying to dive into people's mindsets around the clock, but trying to find the best way to positively influence my firstborn, Stella, my daughter, in leadership, sharing, being a member of the community or society. I mean, I am an outlaw. If you look at a lot of. Couple of members have categorized me as the outlaw hero. And that's great. I'm humbled by that. But yes, I'm definitely. No, and I never will be some great fucking white knight in shining armor who does everything to the letter ultimately at his demise, as you see in every single story, where the good guy gets shot to sh. Absolutely. I have that inside of me. But yeah, I may be a bit of an outlaw in doing things my way, going against the grain. I'm definitely not a conventional man and I will never be that way for my children either. I'm going to raise them on the principles that are going to help them grow and evolve inside of who they are and inside of their environment and their reality, which is at the moment, life here on Earth. And I'm watching her trying to. To basically steal something from Lillian, my second daughter, and just watching it unfold. And look, I wasn't always viewing things this way. And a lot of the times, a lot of these episodes, they come from these, funnily enough, these lessons that I learned from my children, these breakthroughs that I get from my kids, they're teaching me way more than I'm teaching them. And you learn most things in life over the first five to seven years, which is pretty amazing. I never understood that as well until I had children. But here I am, she's trying to steal a toy that, you know, it's a shared toy. So whether it's rightfully hers or not, there's definitely a process. But it's a shared toy, so it belongs to everyone. I don't think Roman will play with it as a baby doll, but Lillian's playing with it and patting its hair and doing, doing her thing. And Stella comes up and just tries to yank it. And obviously there breaks out a fight. And I said, hey, hey, hang on, hang on, Stella. Hang on a minute, hang on a minute. And usually. Sorry, not usually, but way back when, when we had only one child, we've got Three. Now, obviously when we had only one, depending on my day, not looking after myself, being short fused, short tempered, I'd go for the quick kill. What's the easiest answer to the easiest way to defuse the situation, to, to gain power, overpower, to just give them what they want, make them happy, all that sort of shit that really is killing the goose to get the golden eggs. When you don't understand or realize that for me, it's not about telling my daughter what to think, what to do and you're to be seen not heard, all that bullshit. I can't believe I look back now and it's not a judgment thing, but I can't believe that held course for so long throughout past generations, you know, but how to think, teaching them to think for themselves. But how to do that. There is a process to thinking. You don't just have thoughts how. And I'm always doing that for anyone who may come to me and either. And sometimes if they want, I'll be a shoulders crown, that's fine. But if they want feedback and help and guidance, absolutely. And why wouldn't we be that for our children? You have the great power in influencing their environment. So that comes with the responsibility. And when you build your responsibilities, you ultimately have a higher level of power and influence anyway. You are the leader, you are their hero. And I'm looking at this situation and like I said, I go for the quick kill back in, back in the old days. But here I am going, well, how, I mean, how can I make this an experience where everyone learns, including myself? And I found myself saying the words trade, which was very interesting because I don't really use that word often. And here we are, I'm looking at this escalate quickly because these girls are fire, man. Like Stella's a Leo and Lillian's Aries. And whether you believe in star signs or not, Stella is incredibly fiery. The oldest as well, so number one. And you see that pattern in, in every family dynamic where the oldest just has not a chip on their shoulder, but they're just different. Obviously you know that every child you raise is different. But Lillian is like a ram. She doesn't give up, man. She just goes and goes and goes and goes. And you know, here we are. Fire and ice is what it felt like. And what I said to Stella and what I explained because Lillian's only two and Stella's nearly five and I said, hey, look, you can't just always go grabbing things off other people and thinking that nothing's going to happen. And everything will be okay. You need to establish. Or maybe I didn't. Actually, I didn't use the word establish. I work with a lot of different words. Not that I try and make them, you know, articulate beings as opposed to just building their vocabulary. And I said, you need to establish. You need to find a way to create something that Lillian wants, and then maybe you can swap. You can have a trade. And I'm sure a lot of you have tried this sort of stuff or done this before, but I'm just sharing my experience. And obviously the lesson that goes in this podcast that we can all take as adults when we're trying to unfuck ourselves in a lot of different areas in life, one of them being trades, especially secret, secret under the table trades that the other party doesn't know about. And I'll definitely share on that. So here we are. Stella, look, you need to find a way to trade. And what a trade is is you. You find something that Lillian may want a little bit more than the doll that she's currently playing with, and then maybe she won't worry about that anymore, and she'll give that to you, and you can give her what she might love and enjoy what. I don't know what she will find something. Let's have a look. What does Lillian love to do, what she love to play with? What is she. And there's a. A series of toys called Little People. Stella goes and finds some little people. She finds that the ducks and the horses and animals, because Lillian loves animals. And starts. I'm just watching this unfold. After that, I sat back, I'm like, I'm gonna see what happens here. And I'm just watching this unfold and nah, nah, nah. Didn't want to know about it. Playing with a doll. Playing with a doll. And then she found something, and it was actually a hoot doll, A hootie, an owl. Because Lillian loves ours. It's crazy, isn't it, how many kids love ours at such a. Such a young age. And, you know, seeing her change and Stella just had that aha moment was. Was amazing. I loved seeing that. It was great. She's like, ah, if I. If I give her this and she enjoys it. And you can't just go, oh, here, have this. Give me that. Like, life is selling. Life is trades. Life is negotiations. It's. It's full of all these things. You're doing it with your wife, you're doing it with your children, you're doing it with yourself. The little voice inside, like, it's, it's, it's full of that, you know, don't, don't think the sales is just some bloke who tries to sell you a car. Like that's the common thing everyone just peels back to. No, your entire life you're selling, you're selling everything. Even if you're giving it away for free. What you're selling is, is ultimately a level of information and what someone else is then giving you in return. Which is why my point is, as a trade is time. Just like right now, like you are giving me tight. There is a trade right now where you are seeing value in what I'm presenting with you to help with your mindset and your perceptions on life in certain areas, to see things in a different way that is going to help you evolve just 1% the next day. And you're giving time for that. What a wonderful trade if it helps you evolve your life. Right, so I'm watching this unfold and then, yep, lo and behold, the owl has it. And what Stella does is plays the game, starts playing with the owl and, you know, making it look really desirable, really attractive. And it was so cool to see them. What happens? Well, that's my owl. I want to play with that. Okay, cool. Drops the doll, hand over, bang. Stella's away. She starts dressing up the doll as a princess because everything's about princesses now. And pats it, brushes its hair and all that sort of stuff. And I was really interesting because what I said to her in the midst of it all before I let her go and have a crack, which she may not understand and maybe she will. I mean, you're planting the seeds right in your children and you're planting them when they're 18, when they're 25, like, fuck, man, you're not an adult till you hit at least 30. In my eyes, through what I would define as an adult with extensive, not necessarily becoming a parent per se, although a lot of people do at 30 and under. But ultimately how you're carrying yourself across all facets of life as an adult is something that you don't see in 18 year olds, even though they may have legal rights with voting and driving and all that sort of stuff. So what I said to Stella was, life is full of trading, Stella. You need to find a good way to do trades with people where everyone wins. And you and I both know that's not how life completely goes. But that doesn't mean that doesn't have to be how your life goes. I mean, that's exactly what my life's like. Those people who work the other way, well, they don't become part of my, part of my inner circle and part of my environment at all. And I couldn't believe that because rdm, what we have here in building these high performance fathers is a phenomenal environment. Where we sold my wife's car, it was a little while ago, just over a year ago, and probably just on a year ago, actually. And the lies, man, the amount of p. And I know it's, it's a car and I know people play the game and I'm all about that. That's cool, good for you. But it was a car worth seven and a half grand. I'm like, man, I don't want to. Around my time is so much more valuable than being on Bangla Road in the middle of Bangkok or Thailand, sorry, in Phuket, and, and bartering just, just to, you know, get a couple of bucks off, right? So I set it for 5502. Two grand less than any other car. So of course I got inundated. And a guy come along, he's like, would you accept five? I said, mate, if you do it today, I don't care. I honestly, I don't give a fuck. I just want it gone. It's a beautiful car. It's great. My time is very valuable. That's it. And lies, just pure lies. I couldn't believe the amount of lies out there that were just trying to take and take and take and then they commit and then they disappear. And it was insane. So I understand that the world doesn't work that way across the board, but ultimately that doesn't need to be your reality. And my reality, my children's, is one where, yeah, you know what, you provide value and put that energy in the universe, it will come back. That is a universal law. And after I said this to her, I sat back and I was like, I know I talk about life being selling you selling your children or you selling your wife on an idea, on a date or something that you want to do to the house, or you're selling your parents on something that you want to get some level of approval on a project or something you've done. And I get that. I get negotiations. It's like trades, though, really. Is it a trade? Is life. Is life full of trades? Because for me, I'm not like, I'll share ideas, but I'm not big on opinions and it's not in a way to protect myself from that sort of shit. Like, I've copped. Oh, man, I've had a lot of confrontation in my life and I'm willing to stand for what I believe in to the death. And it's not about avoiding that. It's just, I don't know, I like to try and live a life where I consistently raise the level of truth that I express inside of myself and to others. We can always be better with that truth and honesty and owning that, bringing that up, finding it, finding a better truth to what you're currently holding to be true in your life, in your habits and your routines and your relationships. Ultimately, when I come up with these, which then become principles of RDM because they become flawless and intertwined and you can't fault them. Like family, self and service, like true power, like the pillars of, you know, the pillars of progress and the pattern of performance and so many others. The pink elephant rule. What, what we find is people ask for opinions all the time, but I don't like dialing into them. So I try and prove myself wrong. I'm always trying to prove myself wrong with so many different hats from different viewpoints, different perspectives. How can this be wrong? I need to find a way for this to be wrong. And when I'm satisfied that it isn't. With myself, with others, with everything. You know, just like a memory that I shared with our group which spoke about plan A's and Plan B's and when I posted this, yeah, cop flack, but something that, again, I don't really care about because it's not an opinion, it's the truth. And what that quote was, which I said was plan B's crush more dreams than inverted commas. Failing your plan A's ever could. And that's the truth. Like, tell me I'm wrong. Your plan B's are going to crush more dreams than your Plan A's ever could, regardless of how much you think they're a failure. Because what you're doing is splitting your focus away from the thing that you're truly driven towards, what you love, what you engage with. And that in itself is a trade off. That's a trade off with yourself and the lesser version of you accepting that, going, yeah, no, you're right. People are like, oh, I know there's lots of different plans. Well, you don't understand if my plan A is changing in how I serve the world, provide value and help people evolve. And that's morphed from being a personal trainer and an elite athlete to running my own gyms, to working with something Which I finally feel like I'm home. And I found my calling. Even though I've worked with fathers 15 years, the last four years has been fucking epic. This is my path. This is what I'm doing. This is my Plan A. Were the gyms failures? Oh, man, I had a shitload of failures in that, you know, Were there failures in my pt? Was there failures in the operations and being an elite athlete? Oh, yeah, man. Hundreds. They have no idea what I've been through, you know, and as we've all been through some tough times, but there'll be some great stories about that over the next 10 years. And what I held true to me was always the Plan A's. So just peeling back on that. My point is, I don't like diving into opinions. I like to work with facts. And when I'm talking about life being trades. Coming back to the story with Stella, I was like, is that true, Al? Like, aren't you telling your daughter what's believed or perceived to be a real truth? And I sat back and I was like, well, tell me when you don't trade. And I started to work through this and break this down. And the point of this episode, mate, is, funnily enough, again, teaching you how to think, not what to think. You'll get some things on how to think here, and you'll get some things on what to think about from, obviously, the words I speak and share, but it's how to think. So I'm like, okay, well, how could this be wrong? When does someone do something and there isn't a trade? And very first thing I'm thinking, well, people do things all the time for other people. It's a gift they give to them. And I'm like, yeah, but hang on a minute. My other principle and foundation and Al's absolutes. One of the absolutes I have is everything you do in this world, you do for yourself, which is true. You know, you jump in front of a speeding bullet, well, you've preconditioned your brain to be perceived as the hero, whether you're dead or not, in the community eyes and the standards of society. By making a sacrifice, known and publicly known in front of other people to save someone else, you've done that for yourself, even if the for yourself is before the fact. So when you break all that down again, that's not an opinion. Everything you do in this world, you do for yourself. Wiping your daughter's ass, you know, taking time out for your wife, all these things. Yes, there's a beautiful ripple Effect that goes out to everyone else in your family and your network for sure. That's amazing. That's a win win when you do it for yourself and it positively influences others. Oh, mate, well done. But I'm coming back to these trades. I'm like, well, yeah, I guess, I guess life is full of trades, isn't it? Like, what's not a guess? Tell me when you don't trade. If I'm doing this podcast for you right now instead of doing something else where I could be spending my time, not better or worse, but I can definitely be spending my time somewhere else, as we always can. Ultimately, like, well, there's going to be. Guys, We've got nearly 25,000 downloads on this, on this podcast. Like, we've got a great following here. And I'm like, well, yeah, I mean, I guess you could say that I'm giving this and giving value, but I'm like, hang on a minute. Well, there is a trade off because even if this doesn't become a process where you dive into RDM and whether you apply or not, or you buy my supplements or you buy the championship journal or get some apparel and get some gear and you rep RDM or even your belief in the philosophies mentally, and that's something that never comes to fruition in how I would see it. It's just how you carry yourself through your family. Because some of the wisdom that we've passed on and shared and all these different things, even if none of that happens, the trade off is still there. The trade is, I'm giving time and value right here and right now, sitting in RDM HQ on my own in my office, speaking into this microphone, going, well, I am doing a trade. What I'm trading is the chance, the hope of having this influence and impact someone else, which brings me a level of fulfillment. See, you'll do trades with yourself all the time. What I'm doing is trading with myself right now. I'm trading value and providing that to A, put myself in a great state and help me remember. And it's all about me continuing to remember what I live and breathe. So I continue to practice what I preach. So that's a great thing. I always feel amazing after my podcast. And B, it's like, well, even if I never hear from them, even if I never hear from you right now ever in your life, and this helps you, if this helps one man, and even if it doesn't, the hope, the chance, the faith that it will, that's the return that I Get, that's my trade. I'm giving you time and value and I get back a perception or a belief that there is value out there in the world that's going to help influence someone else's life. This is the significance that I talk about when we're working with family, self and service, where ultimately people call them gifts or when you do things for others, it's when you're doing it without an assumption or an expectation of a return from something outside of you. The returns within, like the returns inside me, it's already there. Like delivering this, doing this right now. The return is there inside of me to go, yeah, fuck yeah. This is going to help someone, sure. How can it not? Because then what we can do is then peel off as we begin to slowly wind this episode up to go, okay, well let's dive into trades. Because life is a trade off and this is the truth, this is an opinion. Your life is full of trading. What are you trading with the wife right now in time for return in effort? Like what are you doing for? Are you helping out with the kids, with the schools or the lunches? Are you helping out when she's exhausted? You're worried why you're not having intimate relations and you're not connecting with her on a deep level. Maybe she's just fucking exhausted, mate. How about you say to her, hey, you know what? This week, Tuesday and Wednesday, I'm going to do all the washing and I'm going to do the drying for you and the family. I just want you to kick back after you kids go to bed and just relax. The trade off there is not just what you're going to get in the fulfillment by helping your wife, but there is the possibility of a chance that you know what, she'll do the same to you. And this is how relationships work. You're not on this earth alone. You're not Will Smith out of I Am Legend walking around with your fucking German shepherd on your Pat Malone, right? You are part of society. You are part of many environments and circles, including your family, including with your children, including with your tribe. Whether it's social, your mates, your workers, your colleagues, you're part of this environment right now. There are always trade offs. You're trading time, you're trading time for other time. You're trading time for experiences, time for money, money for experiences. Like there are so many different trades in the world, they are endless. This is the catch though, and this is what I want to prep you on. And it's not a negative episode. But it's definitely one to air caution to trades in your life because you can see pretty clearly like when I'm setting up the week with my wife, she's going to the gym at different times now. So I'm going to go and look after the K which means I leave the office at lunchtime a few times this week. Yeah, it breaks my day up, it adds another half an hour to 45 minutes in travel. But fuck, mate, so what? My wife gets to work on herself. She spent years, she spent seven years through IVF having children and so many hardships that we've had. How about she gets some of her time back and why don't I get my shit together so I can wake up at 4:30 and train this morning as I have and get in front of the world, set up my tabs, my targets, my action, the version of who I must become to get back in front to create the right trades because I have control and freedom inside of my own life where I can now give to my wife. These are the trades that can be phenomenal and amazing. But here's the caution. This is what you must be careful of, the trade offs of trading. The trade off is you're not aware at times of what you're actually doing. That's the trade off you don't even know. Perfect example is my Nonna being half Italian. And I've said it many times like I love the Italian culture. I think all cultures have amazing value. I think they really, really, you know, in their own right in certain areas. And being half Italian there's this big togetherness and dad was one of five and they all had kids and now we've all got kids and big, big get togethers, obviously the wogs and there's 10 course meals and Nonna, bless her soul, she passed a few years ago. She, she used to do everything like her cooking, man. You go to any cake shop and you see cakes times the quality of that by 10 she fucking pumped three of them out. When we had birthdays because we'd get together and we'd celebrate eight to 10 birthdays at a time with our monthly catch ups. She'd bake cakes of that quality, three of them on top of doing everything else. It was unbelievable, man, like unbelievable. Here's the problem though, she's doing trades under the table. When you're doing secret deals under the table with your family, with your children, all these expectations on a return subtly or subconsciously because it's a pattern you've created and you don't think about, but it's there. You're gonna fuck yourself up just like she did. What happened? Oh, got divorced. Body started to break down. So what she did and she moved in with my aunty. And I'm not saying it's good or a bad thing, but that puts stress on my auntie. She wants to live her life with her family and her children and then, you know, being the way they are and you know what I'm talking about with parents and with in laws and whatnot. I mean, you know, I love my parents to bits, but if they came and lived with me for 10 years, it might get a little bit frustrating at times. We need to be the king of Aaron Castle, right? We just do things how we do things and doesn't mean they can't change. But yeah, makes it hard. This is what started to happen. Well now hang on a minute. I did all this for you. I do all this cooking for you. I do all of this for you. This is what you should give me in return. And this is the trade. My auntie didn't know, the kids didn't know, no one knew until it came to collision. This is the hard part because then you collide. There's this whirlwind of expectation and assumption going, no, no, well I did this and you should do it. Well, hang on a minute, I didn't ask you to do that. And then all of a sudden there's this huge whirlwind of confusion because the communication was down, the clarity wasn't there, which means there's a breakdown. And that's where all problems come from. And they originate from planting the seed of these secret trades. These trades that go under the table of no, well, I'm going to do this for them and you're okay, mate, she'll be right. And I'm telling you, like when you really do something with that expectation, it's like when with my old gym, I used to get a case of Coronas and alcohol and I don't drink alcohol and I used to get that. And I would literally go to my local shopping center, I would get it out of my car and I'd walk around and say, hey. Because it was always around Christmas time, I'd say, hey, do you like Coronas? Do you like beer? Would you like this? This is a gift for you. There's nothing wrong with it. It's a gift I get from my landlords, from my business. I don't drink alcohol and ah, mate, they loved it obviously and they grab it In a heartbeat. And there's zero expectation. But what there is is a trade. It's fulfillment. I'm trading with myself. The vessel is channeled through another person and giving them the gift of the alcohol. So you need to be careful, mate, when I'm talking about trade offs. Now, peeling this back to my nonna's story into you with your relationships, with your wife and having assumptions. I make all the money in the house and I put food on table and roof over your head. Fucking well done, mate. Good job. So is the rest of us. What else are you doing? Right, Raise your standards. If you have an amazing body, but your family's torn as shit and your business isn't in order, you are not successful in my eyes. If you have a phenomenal business, I don't care if you have $100 million, you mean fuck all of me. If you're not the man leading your family and your wife and you're not looking after your body and keeping yourself in good health, if you're an amazing family man, you provide for the kids, you do everything for them. You spend time with them and you're always around them and in their corner. But your body's torn as shit. Well, chances are you're probably still not being the best father you can be because your body's torn as shit and you're. You don't have the energy to actually perform at a better level. And your business is probably suffering too. You need all three and you can have all three. But don't push these assumptions on other people and go, well, I do this, so this is how it should be. Same with your children. The trade with your children is a beautiful thing, but ultimately it must be reciprocal inside of yourself. What do you mean by that, Al? What I mean is you are providing a level of fulfillment inside of you because of how you're standing up and influencing your children. Not because they belong to you, not because you own them. Because guess what? If you continually validate yourself and justify who you are off the back of things outside of yourself, your children, if they haven't already, will move out. They will move out and leave the nest. When that happens, you'll have a fucking massive void inside of your life because you thought that your entire life was just wearing the hat of fatherhood. And that's all you're about. Which means there's a shell of a man who doesn't even know who he is, has forgotten who his wife is. There comes the breakdowns, and then there's this scurrying to try and hold on to what you can't when your children are living their own Life, when ultimately 80% of the time that you'll spend with your children is between 0 to 18, 80% of your life with them. 80%. Which means from 18 to 70, if you live to be 18 to 60 for their age, if you live to be 80 to 90 years of age, 18 to 60 of their life is 20% with you. How does that make you feel and think about yourself right now? So that 80% that you're holding onto, if you're holding onto that the wrong way, with different trades and secret deals and all these things you did for your children, expecting a return. Hang on a minute. What the fuck were you supposed to do for them? Just let them go and fend for themselves at the age of three and go and catch and kill their own food? Of course you should have turned up for them. Of course you should have provided food and shelter and nurtured them and loved them and led them and showed them how to learn and create values inside of them and belief systems to back themselves and have a crack at the big wide world. The world isn't fair. It doesn't mean you focus on the negative. But of course you should be doing this. Don't turn up with secret trades under desk with your children that they're not even aware of because they're just living and experiencing life. That you come back when they're 30 and you're 60 and you're bitter and resentful because your life's fallen apart going, hey, I did all this for you. What about you being there for me? That's bullshit, man. Beauty in all of this is. If that's the caution, then what we can do is then reverse engineer that to go, alright, well, my children are a large part of me now. Like, they're a large part of who I am. And I get that, mate. I agree. My kids, fuck, they have helped me level up an unbelievable amount in the last 12 months, let alone since our firstborn came. Like, they have been an amazing part of who I am, but they don't define who I am. My life doesn't hinge around who I can be to them and solely them. Like, they are a crutch that I'm leaning on to go, hey, I need this because I've got nothing else in my life. I don't have a business. My relationship with a wife, it doesn't matter, we'll work it out later. Like, the kids come first. Like all that Sort of shit, man. Don't do that to yourself because everyone loses. But on the flip side, you stand up as a real leader in man with your business, with your family and with yourself first and foremost. By having a massive gas tank and the capacity to perform in all three areas, including what you do for you. This is your life. Guess who's going to want to spend more time with you. Guess who's going to want to be in your corner? Guess who's going to come to you for advice. Guess who's going to see you as their leader, their hero, their mentor, their father? This is a key thing I want to finish with. And look, I know a lot of dads have said this and that's cool, I've got a son too. But when dads say he's me mate or he's me best mate or blah, blah, blah, we're best mate, that's great. But understand there's a difference. Chances are very, very high, apart from a few certain family dynamics, very high that your child's only ever going to have one father. They're going to have lots of mates, they're going to have lots of friends that drift in and out of their life. They're only going to have one fucking father. I don't know about you, but if I could choose between being their mate and being their father, which comes with a lot of the mateship and the joys of life, but in a position where you are leading and you are holding that level of leadership because you are the father, their father. Oh, man, I fucking take that 10 times out of 10. Then just being their mate and trying to get their acceptance on something because of who I am and my internal frame and what I do. This is the trade off. It's not about cause and effect or every action as a reaction or there's consequences for everything you do. There's trades. It's always trading. Life is full of trading. So as we finish this episode, I hope you got some value out of it in how to think about certain situations with your family, with your children and ask yourself these questions. What sort of trades am I doing above board on the table where I have clarity, communication and I'm clearly connecting with my family on these trades. You don't need to use those words. You can I use them with my wife and J her up? I'm like, okay, well, let's do some trading. I'm keen, let's do a trade off, right? But you can have fun with it. But ultimately, what is the this for? That what is the trade? What are the trades that you're having with yourself? Hitting that snooze button instead of getting up and getting after life? Like that's a trade off. Absolutely. And then ask yourself this question, Is the trade building my integrity, who I am, and moving forward to a better person? Or is it pulling and having a ripple effect on others? Or is it pulling me down to a lesser version and hindering others? Maybe not now, maybe in 10 years time. Maybe when the seeds planted and it's been grown and you fertilize it and you fertilize it with the wrong type of shit and it becomes this big horrific tree. Like something out of Sleepy Hollow with poison fruit fucks you up because your children have this tree that's rotten that they're then castrating you for? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe that's not a good trade. Maybe we need to have a little bit of foresight. Yes. Live in the now, live in the moment, but have a little bit of that foresight to go, well, all right, what am I putting above board on the table for my family, for myself, for my business, for my workers, for my colleagues, for my friends, for all the different networks in which not just I'm involved, but others are involved. And what does that look like? And it's not a case of I'm doing this so I can get that back. When I'm talking about trades, trust me, it's not a what's in it for me. When you go in the right order, how can I provide the best value in this trade for myself, with myself and for others, with others and myself, it will always be a win win. And if it's done out of. And it's done out of a way where there's no malice, you're not pulling others down. And like I said, this is the thing. When I talk about opinions, if the underlying foundation and principle is growth through love and leadership, that's a great thing. How can it be wrong? Of course it's for you. I mean, you're getting a benefit. You don't lead with a selfish notion of it's for me. There's different types of trades. The selfish one is when it's under the table. Ask yourself this question. What are the trades that I'm doing, which are ultimately expectations and assumptions of outcomes or perceived outcomes in the future that I can see now when I'm reflecting on them? They're going to damage me like they are going to damage me. I have expectations 100%. I have expectations on actions. I don't have expectations on outcomes, but on actions, absolutely. We create an agreement and this is what we need to do with the kids, with the family, what we're doing with dinner time with Stella, she gets a smiley face, sad face, like there's expectations, 100%. But there's not a. There's not a prolonged expectation of an outcome 20 years later. Right. It doesn't make sense. How can you have an expectation of an outcome? There's variables, There's a success rate, there's a percentage on what will happen, you know, if I nourish the body, move the body, restore the body and do that in alignment with what I need for my life, my family. Well, yeah, there's a reasonable chance that you're going to have a great body with good energy and be able to perform. But it shouldn't be an expectation or an assumption. You've got to be careful. The line you walk with those. So ask yourself this question. Am I actually creating assumptions through hidden trades under the table that the other party sitting there looking at me, smiling at me because I'm their father or their husband don't even know I'm making? What can I do about those? All right, well, I am doing this. You know what? I actually look forward now. Like my, my children are my life out. Like they're everything to me, man. But I can actually see that because I'm so focused on them. I'm actually taking away from other things that I can do in my life when they're not around. How can I create this? It's a balancing act. It doesn't have to be balanced, but it is a balancing act. And ask that question, mate. My kids are my life. I fucking love them. I love them so much. But here I am, like, I'm here working, doing what I love doing with myself and I love spending time with my wife, I love spending time with my children, I love spending time with myself and obviously love being with the tribe. Like, this tribe is incredible. Nothing's inspired me more in my life. And I've been in elite sports in multiple codes. You know, these are some things that you should have and take away with you and just mull over, have that point of reflection. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some key takeaways from this. The trade offs in trading. Because there are trade offs. The way that you can best arm or prepare yourself is to know them. What am I actually trading? Do they know? What's the likely outcome? What's the perceived outcome? What are the chances of this happening if I keep doing this, good, bad and the ugly, what can I do? How does this move me forward in family, self and service? How does this help them move forward in their legacy? Am I helping or hindering? Am I going to be a crutch to them? Or are we moving massive mountains together because of the freedom, the flow, the control that I'm allowing them to have to build their own legacy off the back of me not being someone who just dampens that or tries to overpower that, or create hidden agreements and hidden trades they don't know about yet but are going to lead to a confusion when the walls of their reality comes down because you've controlled their entire environment and now they're out there in the realm the trade offs. In trading, there's always a trade off, but the worst one is not knowing what you're actually trading. And even worse than that is knowing but the other party doesn't know. And there's not a great outcome that can come from that if it's not done out of a light of leadership, love and growth. Because that's what life is about. Take care. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Tune in for another episode soon on Real Dad Movement podcast. And like I said, as always in our episodes, take action. Apply this now, have some reflection and apply it to one area you don't need to turn your life upside down. What's one area that I can start to improve and adopt this approach, this principle, this philosophy to not only help me, but help those around me who I love and care about and have that ripple effect in life.