109. Maxing Out On Life

Foreign.

Movement podcast. This is your host, Al. We've got special guest with us today, Got Max. What's. I'm trying to think of a title for this. What should we call this in the.

Max. Max.

I was gonna say Matt Max, maxing out on life.

Should be the.

The title man, because there you go.

That's it. Perfect.

Max has been with us for. Forgive me, mate, I. I can't remember. It'd be nine months, maybe a little bit.

Yeah. Joined in. I think it's around March, April 2020. Ah.

So it'd be. Sorry, nine months. Just over a year now. Wow. Yeah, yeah, that's gone really quick, man. Yeah, really fast. Because I remember our conversations was a little bit. Not back and forth, but just getting clear on where you're at with your life, how we could serve you, how we can help you. But shit, man, now you're on the inside. Max is now our culture coach of our HBF Gold program. And off to a flying start as well. Mind you, Max, you've done an amazing job so far with the guys, but it's not. Today isn't so much about that. We'll talk about some of the things you can see from the other side now as part of the team. But you know, today's episode, let's. Let's dive on into what a huge transformation that you've made turning your life around. You know, we've pushed out and we've done paid advertising with your story, Max, where we've shown some of the words, your words on shift. Sharing arguments with the wife, unhappy, unhealthy, all the different moving parts. This isn't those watching or listening on YouTube or our podcast. This isn't a fitness program. Some join for that. They think it's that. And then what usually happens, Max, is they realize that it's something completely more. Not different, but completely more than what they initially think is just what the scales read. But, mate, welcome to the show. Thanks for giving us your time and I'd love to start with yourself. A bit of an introduction and some of your story, I guess, you know, leading up to and pre joining rdm.

Yeah, well, thanks for having me. Yeah, it's great. Great to be on. Yeah. I guess for me, my. My story initially started when having kids, really. So I met my wife in Canada. We went traveling. Just living the life, really. No carefree. No really responsibilities. Went around Europe, went around America, and then my wife is Australian. So we ended up here in Adelaide. And in a short space of time, within a space of a Year, got married, we got a mortgage, got a house and had a kid which was kind of tick, tick, tick, done the thing. But I think for me mentally, I just wasn't ready for. For that. So once, once our first was born, Delilah, she had quite a lot of issues with sleeping. So the whole sleep deprivation kicked in. Obviously we weren't sleeping that well. And I think as well just now, I realize now I went into a bit of mourning, but kind of a loss of my freedom. I wasn't going out, I couldn't do what I normally used to do.

Do you play in a band, I think, or do you. You play instruments, don't you, mate? I think you play.

Yeah, yeah, no, I play guitar on there. Play guitar and sing. So yeah, do a bit of that.

So traveling around the world, all the freedoms. Naturally a great musician from. Yeah, from, from what I've seen and heard. Mate, that's, that's a big, that's a big change, you know, and like getting married, buying a house, having a child, sleep deprivation. I'm there with you, mate. Stella. It was three and a half years before she started sleeping through and even now she still wakes up frequently. Maybe people have had it worse, plenty have had it less, less intense. But how crazy is that? And there is no rule where people laugh when you tell them you're having a child. And yeah, welcome to the real world. All the bullshit doesn't matter. But more often than not, the advice is not coming from people who are stand up parents either. But it's pretty crazy, isn't it, man, how much life changes.

Yeah, there's nothing out there for dads because while Valeska was pregnant, like my life wasn't really affected, so I was still carrying on as, oh yeah, you know, we're having a baby and it wasn't so, you know, we bought a home and it was. Then it was real and then, yeah.

Your life has changed really.

And nothing kind of prepared you for that moment and said, we felt very honestly, we had a baby that's struggling sleep and we just felt lost. We're like, you know, what do we do? Are we being bad parents or, you know, where's the rule book on what to do with them? So that definitely took a toll on our relationship as well.

Yeah, I couldn't imagine, man. That's the crazy part, isn't it? It's a transition that's so immediate for us, a little bit different for the, for the mother because yes, they're carrying, they're already experiencing a lot of physiological changes. A lot of emotional changes. Obviously there's the climax of the birth and all of that and you know, welcome to the world, new addition and off you go. Go home now, whether you're private or public with your delivery. But yeah, for the man, there's no real. There's no real transition other than I guess, his direct relationship with how he sees his wife growing over time. And that's a. You just gave me that thought then, mate. That there's nothing out there. Forget health and wellness, actually planning and understanding and being okay and seeing that, it is a massive shock regardless of how easy it is. And then you left mate in the wars.

Well, I think what I did was you go to this default mode, whether it's your upbringing, your parents was. I'm just going to power through this. I'm just going to go to work, I'm just going to kind of blast through it. And obviously you're not really dealing with all that emotion or processing it all. For me anyway, it was just like if I just keep logging myself every day, turn up, power my way through it all, you know, I'll figure it out somewhere down the line and. But obviously for me, it didn't really work out doing that method.

Yeah, we're used to performing, aren't we? That's the frustrating part. We're used to finding an area and performing as men, you know, hunting.

Hunter.

Hunter gatherers. So more often than not, for guys like yourself, I was the same.

We.

I guess we triple down on work or what needs to happen at home. Even I didn't realize that. I don't call it nesting or any of that other shit, but before Roman was born, in a week, I completely renovated our bathroom and built a fence in the backyard to separate the dogs from a play area for the kids and built out the play area for the kids. Probably 10 days hooking in, man, like you wouldn't believe. But I also more often not don't really have that time either. I dedicate it to work and my family and other things and we're getting help from, from our in laws and my parents with the other two kids that we had before Roman was born. But you're right, mate. It's hard, isn't it? We almost become. It's like we put the blinkers on and we just focus on that thing and you tell us, mate, what you. Well, what happens?

Well, I mean, I started falling to the victim mode. So time was a big thing, you know, my wife wouldn't give me time to exercise, you know, blaming Everyone, really, for, you know, I'm at work, I'm busy when I come home, you know, got to deal with a baby and, you know, do all that. And it was blaming everyone else. Like, you know, if you gave me time, I could do that, you know, so everything just fell away. I was just blaming every, you know, I guess, really my wife. The situation kind of put myself more into work. So obviously then it became a whole story around, well, I'm busy at work, I haven't got time, I can't take a day off to help you. So I just really fell into that victim mode. And for me, I've seen then, obviously, drinking crept in. For me, it was like a slow, downward spiral. I think it's the analogy of the crab being bored in the hot water. Start off cold. I didn't realize how far I was slipping down, really. So, yeah, started drinking quite heavily. So I was drinking fair bit every evening. So just before I had a bit of a switch in my life, I'd literally come home. Obviously, the wife had the kids all day, so she threw them at me. I'd just be grumpy, shout at the kids. I was just regimented. Just feed them, bath them into bed, no messing around. Seven o', clock, lights out. And then I'd come out and I just wouldn't want to talk to Valeska. I was gone. I've had a crap day. I've just dealt with the kids. Leave me alone, switch on tv. And initially it started with beers, and then went to wine and then spirits, and then, yeah, just pretty much that was my habit. Every night, pretty much. And then just rinse and repeat, really get up early. And obviously that took a massive toll, really, on our relationship and was having quite a lot of big arguments. And it came to a point one night where I was like, I'm looking at divorce. I remember laying there, I was mapping it all out. How's this going to work? You've got two kids. And it suddenly dawned on me as I was mapping this all out, I was like, this isn't right. This is not what. I don't want this. And I think it was that moment, that night there where I was gonna kind of stand up and fight for it, because we'd seen some marriage counsellors, but they weren't that good. We weren't really getting any traction out of it. And I think, partly looking back as well, I wasn't ready to change at that point. But, yeah, luckily I had this switch in my brain. Well, I was like, right, I'M gonna. I'm gonna fight for my family and fight for it because, you know, it's not what I want. And, yeah, I guess that that was the start of my journey. So that was probably about two, two and a half years ago.

Two years ago.

And, yeah, I mean, my journey was a bit different. So I knew counseling, marriage counseling wasn't really going to work. And then there was this online a marriage makeover challenge that I did, and it's funny enough I did that, but it was all about working on yourself. And then that's. That kind of just sparked a switch inside of me. I started seeing the light about working on yourself, and then kind of through this challenge, realized, you know, the stories are built, calling bullshit on myself and all that. And then that kind of pitted out. And then I thought, no, I'm all right. I'll go it alone. And obviously started drifting back into bad habits and bad ways and then started putting on more weight to gain. So I did a few dad bod challenges, the Nutrigenics, stuff like that, which was. Worked really well, but I knew it wasn't sustainable. I knew it wasn't like, yeah, it's good for 30 days and I lose 10 kilo. But I knew I wanted something more long term, so I did. Yeah, a few round challenges, weight loss, and then again thought, I'm good to do it alone. And then realized very quickly, I just started drifting. I didn't have a true north, I guess, really I was just ticking along. And throughout all of this, I was very aware I didn't want to go back to where I was. To me, that was my biggest motivational. I'd been to the bottom of the pit, and as I slowly crawled my way back out, I realized how far I was in the pit.

Yeah, man.

It became quite scary. I was like, I don't ever want to be back there again. That was a ugly, horrible place.

Yeah, mate. Mapping out, like a divorce, how it all look, how it would line out. How are you feeling at that time before you. I mean, it's. It's amazing, isn't it, that that switch that just flicks. I had that when I was a. An obese teenager and just went, nah, enough's enough. And turn my life around. Yeah, Become an athlete and do lots of other things, but it's crazy.

I look back now, I felt like.

I was balancing on knife session. I don't know where that. Where that come from. Was it a. Was it a higher version of Al saying, come on, mate, pull your head in you need this. Is that what you like, what were you feeling before you had that switch, man? Like, it would have been pretty. Been pretty bad.

Well, I was laying in bed. It was about 1 o' clock in the morning. We had a massive argument. So went to bed. I just couldn't sleep, obviously. Just rattling through my head, everything. And then, yeah, obviously my initial thoughts, this is just. This is just not working, not happening. And I said, yeah, started mapping it all out and it's really hard to explain. It's just something happened in my brain. Just like a switch flips. I don't like epiphany. I don't know what you want to call it. Just something came in. It was like, nah, this, this is not right. And then it. Then I had that kind of, I'm gonna die fighting, I'm gonna die trying. I'm not gonna give in that easy. I'm not gonna kind of keep taking that easy road.

Imagine how many do.

Ah, so easy. As said, it was just that, as you said, like a knife's edge that night. If I hadn't thought like that, it could have gone the other way completely.

What's. And we'll talk about obviously, how you found and discovered RDM and came on board, but what do you think is the. Is the pivotal moment for a man to either. It's almost the easy road initially, but it's much, much worse as you. As you've shared if you go down that route. And it's not that if you get together with one person, you need to stay that one person forever. There are lots of people who drift apart and things happen. I understand that. But what do you think is the pivotal moment for the man? You talk about standing up, wanting to fight. Is it having that period where you recognize that, hey, it's got to be me, I've got to start from the inside out. Is it. I'm going to lose everything. Like, what is the.

What.

What do you feel? Or in your experience. I know you said you had that switch, but what is that pivotal moment to go, no, there's something else that I need to do here and this is it, or is it just a search and discover and just keep trying?

Like what.

What is that, mate?

What does that look like?

I think that night, obviously I was just really deep in my thoughts and then it was like that. The gut feel, it was just like, I don't want this. This isn't it didn't feel right. And probably because I was just quiet laying in bed, I obviously had that stillness in me. And obviously I had a good few hours, to be honest, of processing the argument and mapping out, you know, the divorce and all that stuff. And then I guess now really it's a kind of meditation really. I just was with myself and then it just kind of my gut or my brain kicked in just saying I don't want this, I don't want. Didn't feel right. It didn't feel like the right thing. So I guess for me I just trusted that. I realized that there's still, you know, some, some gas left in the tank, so to speak. It's got, it's got some legs alike and I guess someone, I'm someone I'll just trust my gut feeling if something doesn't feel right, I'll. I'll kind of give it a red hot go and fight, you know, as they kind of die trying. And I think for me, really, your family and your wife. What's what? You know, if you're going to fight for something, family and your wife is going to be the biggest thing you're going to fight for.

Yeah, absolutely. I love the saying. We bring it up every now and then in the inside. It's like you die for your family, but would you live for them? There's nothing more powerful mate than something you connected and invested in that's directly outside of you. But you are connected and invested in. And you're right. I think about what you mentioned then and what you just spoke about.

We coin it. Creating space I guess is the term we use with dads where you just want to slow down the world. Be present, be still and just be in yourself and your thoughts, feelings, emotions. Which becomes, yes, your gut, 100% man, your gut instincts. But too often fathers don't have that desire or they don't have the understanding how important that is because of all the chaos, all the stress or the bullshit. Just think with your head bull out of a gate. It's like, nah man, you will not.

Win, you will lose.

And it's great in some sports, it's great in lots of things. I've used it a lot. You can have that with your call. Aggression, rage, stubbornness, whatever you want to call it. But mate. Yeah, I feel like from what you said just then, Max, having that time out really for yourself to be in deep thought, which is really deep feel it obviously shone a light on your real desires, mate. From there you started to take the steps.

Yeah, I mean because at that stage for me you're unaware of the alternative. So I wasn't Obviously aware of all this kind of tools and how life could be really. So it's. Yeah, it just went off that gut feel and then, yeah, started my journey from there. And it was fairly quickly. Once I kind of peeled that first layer back, it was a very eureka moment of kind of, you know, all that stories I've been telling myself and I guess really then started realizing how I'm blaming everyone else. And it was really a moment of I've got to take responsibility. All my actions is on me. And it's, you know, it's not my wife, it's not somebody else. I'm, you know, I put myself in this shit. And it kind of gave me hope. It's like, you know what? I can get my way out of it as well, you know, if I follow this path. And I think I was at that point, it's like, well, I've got nothing to lose. You know, I kind of know what the alternative is and I know where I'm going on my current path. So I've just got nothing to lose. And yeah, I think that's for me, I just dove right into it. There was kind of both feet, just immerse myself in it. Which was initially hard because again, you know, I said we're not designed to be really talking about emotions and really looking at yourself. It doesn't come or it didn't come naturally to me for a long time to really, you know, that mirror up to your face and own it and I guess kind of get in tune with what you feel and what you're thinking. And to call bullshit on yourself as well. That's. That's something that doesn't come naturally until you, you know, go through programs like this.

Isn't it amazing, mate? You've got. What have we got? Eight odd billion people. You've got eight odd billion realities. And that's what you guys listening or watching this, who aren't on the inside. And you have no idea, Max does, how much we can change your worldview the right way and influencing you the right way. Like you said you thought about the alternative.

It's the other side with us on.

The inside, isn't it? It's like, no, we're always driven towards fucking excellence. Rising up, being a leader and evolving through the growth of your actions. Not just words. We talk about the alternative as being the fucking pit that we'll never go back to. But so many are there, mate, and they stay there because their belief systems keep them constricted. Or they think that's the way it is, it's like, man, you're not. This isn't manipulation or like, if I'm influencing you guys, if we're influencing you with stories, just like, Max, when you're watching this or listening to this on our podcast, hey, imagine when you're on the inside, like our environment, which we'll touch on, Max, because now you're heading that really big part of that as well. We've got a team of nine, but you're part of that team that, that really nurtures and looks after our culture and environment. It's so important, man, than being stuck in your own way. And even the other things you did that you knew they weren't sustainable, at least there was some sort of spark you could connect to. But it opened up. This is the key thing. It's never the program. It's you opening up your mind and your ability to see differently and be.

A critical thinker to degree.

It's like, well, fuck.

All right, well, let's map this out. This is what I need to do. These are the bullshit stories I'm feeding myself. We're talking about it earlier, mate, before we, before we dived in this like people having the excuse of time and other things. If I come inside of your house right now, sit down with you and go, let's write out an entire day to the fucking letter. I can order, mate, I guarantee you I could find big holes that you could shift in a fucking instant to get a thousand hours back over the next year, which is massive. That's what we get. 20 hours a week back and reorganize your shit to reduce the chaos, stress, and ultimately be a living, breathing embodiment of what you are now, Max, a high performance father in the transformation you have. But how you can then influence and impact your family to really live, man. Like you're dropping your kids off today at school, spending time with them, like it's a process. You've been with us over 12 months now, like 15 months, and it is a process, but you don't see what you can do until you, you get up onto that step, right? And then it creates a new baseline.

For you, I think as well. Once you start doing this stuff, everything else falls into place. It's quite amazing. At start, you might think, oh, you know, there's a lot to deal with, a lot to cope with. But once you start working on yourself, like for me, as soon as I started exercising, eating a bit more healthier, it's almost like this fog just lifted from my brain. I Could think clearly. And then just naturally through that, I started talking more to my wife. I started being a bit more present to my kids. I was more aware of how I was, you know, acting to my kids, being grumpy, dad shouting at them and, you know, losing my crap out of them. And kind of once, once you start the process, these other things just naturally fall into place because you're just working on yourself and aware of it.

You have two daughters as well, mate?

Yeah, yeah, two. So eight year old and a six year old.

How do you think they'd be and what would they be like in their relationships and how would their relationship be not with their partners as they get older, but with you? You know, fast forward 20 years if.

You kept doing this, you can see, I mean, already my kids just, you know, it's amazing, the mirror up to your face, how they mirror your behavior, behavior. And yeah, you can just see how it passes on through the generations that they would just grow up thinking that you just shout at somebody if you're getting annoyed or frustrated. I can just shout at you. You know, I can take stuff away from you or, you know, kind of you just, yeah, you're, you're giving them the standard of, you know, that is acceptable and they just see that, okay, that's the way you deal with life and that's how you deal with people. And obviously they go through life doing the same. Yeah, it's definitely scary really, when you realize in especially your kids how you're influencing them and how you're building them for life. What are their values and how to handle situations.

Oh yeah, man, there are so many realities out there, mate. I don't even want to entertain or fantasize in my head what they'd be like. It's fucking horrific. And it's not even the bottom of the bottom or the pit. Like you said, it's a generational thing that leads to shit portions of certain communities, like certain. Not a. You know, if you're listening to or watching this, chances are you've obviously got a high, high level of awareness of yourself and you've got the tools or at least the resourcefulness to create and instill change. Right. I feel blessed, mate. We're in a beautiful country and I feel blessed in many ways for some of those leg ups from literally, you know, my birth and my parents, as well as some of the hardships I've worked through. Just like the hardships you've worked through. Right. We all have lists. But it's crazy, man, to think that A lot of these things you just spoke about become the ultimate reality. And then these fathers throw their hands up in the air 15 years later going, oh, there's nothing I could do. It's like, no, you're a fucking liar. If you went back to your life and started to sort your shit out and clear the fog, you might have actually seen the bullshit and stories you've got to work through to just get better 1% every single day, to completely change the trajectory of your life completely, man. And I say that with respect, Max. It's not from a place of judgment with fathers who might be going through that, listening to this or watching, but.

It'S just people have no idea when they throw their hands in there, how much empowerment they actually had 10, 15, 20 years ago to change. But it was a choice, right?

Yeah, I think that's it. You don't realize. It's definitely links into that victim mode where you think others are controlling your life. And then you realize, you know, guess what? Doing. Doing like rdm. And of course you realize that you can control your life, your emotions, how you react to things. And it's amazing once you see that from the other side, I guess, you know, I said that alternative, what it can be, because until you venture on that side, you just. You don't see it. And I said, it's. You just blame others around you.

Hard man, hard pill to swallow. But that's why we're here as well, Max. You know, that's why we do episodes like this. And I appreciate a lot of the transparency with you with your story. So, you know, what made you reach out to I dn. What made you reach out to us or how did you.

Yeah, well, I did a bit of work, as I mentioned, on myself. And then once again, I thought, nah, I'm all good. I've learned some stuff, I can go it alone. And then I kind of. I guess once I've been there, it's like a drug or not a drug, but you kind of see what it can be. And I knew I was drifting back to bad habits. I felt like I wasn't being accountable for anything, but I wanted something. Not fly by night stuff. So all these programs are done. It's wham, bam, 30 day course. And I wanted something long term, really. I knew that's what I needed and I knew I needed something to be accountable for. So I was looking and looking and I said, there's not a great deal out there for. For dads through Facebook. One of your ads. So jumped on Obviously watched some testimonials from dads, got a feel for the group and kind of liked the holisticness of it and obviously, yeah, then reached out to yourself, just say, yeah, look what's involved. For me, at that point, I was kind of sold. That's what I needed. Many years ago, I probably would have grilled you out on the first call with I don't know and not sure and money, I don't know and kind of thrown out that. But at that stage it was like I could see the value. I was like, as long as it's not, you know, crazy, crazy amounts of money, I value that and the money is worth it to invest in me. And I could see through your program. It was good quality information and stuff like that. So for me it was just, you know, having that initial phone call with yourself and just understanding what's involved and just, yeah, telling you a bit about myself. So, yeah, that was the initial draw to RDM really. And then for me, soon as joined in with the group of dads in there, it was, you know, kind of like instant brotherhood. The guys just straight away just make you feel welcome, dialed into a few roundtables, just kind of dived into it all. And yeah, just, I think as well, the dads just take it that extra mile as well in there, just that support. I even had a few dads. If I wrote something about having a crap week, next thing my mobile is going, you know, Hawkeye on the phone to me, are you alright, mate? What's going on? It's just amazing, really. Just, you know, guys in there just got your back, they want to see you succeed. So it was just, it's a really nice feeling and it was kind of that accountability as well. So. Because it was kind of like that instant group of mates. So you kind of like, you know, you said you're going to do something so you got to do it with it, you know. So, yeah, that's, that's really how. Yeah, going to RDM and then just never look back, really. As I said, it's. It's something that's setting you up for life. So, you know, it's eating healthily and wholesome, you know, the exercise elements in there. So it's, it was something that's going to set me up for life and just build. So for me, I was in it for the marathon and not the sprints, so I didn't want.

Yeah, man.

Oh, the long game's great though, Max. Who wouldn't want to play the long game? Like guys want 30 day challenges. Like, well, fuck, why would you invest in your life for 30 days? Because in that long game, it's quicker than you think. Firstly, like, like here we are coming up to halfway through 2021. Halfway through 2021. Like it felt like yesterday it was the start of 2020 and everyone's talking.

About all this shit going on, right?

That's how fast it goes. But the long game, that's 18 months, nearly 18 months.

Right.

And when we look at that from the start of 2020 and now we're just about to start June, the long game is the game you want to play because that's where you continuously winning. You constantly. In the competitive, driving into the wind zone. In the competitive, into the wind zone. In the competitive into the wind zone. We have the RDM quadrant, right? Exist, survive, compete and win. Exist is nothing like that. Cannot hold any place in our life.

Yes.

Sometimes we're in survival mode. I get that you might drop from being in that competitive zone down in survival mode. Don't stay there long, get back up. We compete to win and it's like championship sports, championship teams. And like you said, you got the brotherhood or the tribe. You don't let the tribe down, Max, you know, let yourself down. And, and by letting yourself down, you're letting the tribe down. And when you have this camaraderie with a genuine group of men, it's really, it's really funny, man, because I, it's, it's easy and hard for me at times, even with the consults that I do to explain the power of the tribe. Because it's easy because we live and breathe it every day, right? And we can see it, it's become our standard. This is like, it's a fucking amazing group. I'll look at my phone and before 9 o' clock in the morning, there's all these hashtag, rise to wins. There's pictures of food, pictures of training, pictures of revelations. Take these family events, experiences. And I'm like, fuck, man, it's not even 9 o'.

Clock.

I wonder how everyone else is starting.

Their day, you know, like, this is.

Insane, whether you rise early to train or not. And yeah, energy is one of our pillars. That's an important part, exercise and whatnot. But it's crazy, isn't it, man, to.

Be part of that.

But it's also hard to explain because some guys don't believe that that's possible. They might think it's something that exists on the stadium floor of a soccer team or a rugby team. But I mean, this is even better than that. It's the game of life.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, a classic recent example was the 50 day challenge of no booze. So a few of us did that. And that has really done something to me about drinking alcohol. Now I'll have the occasional one, but. And that's. I would never would have thought to do or. And it's amazing just doing that challenge and kind of it was helping, you know, support the other dads. Obviously. Hawkeye, I think, was the initial one who's doing it and then few of us did it. So. And is that motivational? Is like, yeah. And support, you know, you know, I'll do that with you, Hawkeye. We'll go in together. And then through that process, as I said, I. After 50 days, I was like, I don't want to drink. It wasn't like, oh, 50 days are up. Crack open a beer and get stuck into it. I was like, I don't want to drink anymore. And it's funny now, even if I have one drink, my night's sleep is crap.

And it's.

I feel it all. So I guess that is to me a really powerful story about the tribe really, you know, kind of going through that. It can flip your habits. It can change your life, really 100%, man, habits.

Whenever I talk about habits now, it's like we've cracked the code. And you'll see all the other habits books and all this sort of stuff and they're so vanilla to everyone. They don't dive deep enough into them, but they do with some buddy pseudoscience or neuroscience to talk about the chemical structures and blah, blah, blah. It's a belief system, man. Like a habit is an identity attunement to what you believe is your reality, your identity, who you are and your life. Just like you said, you finish up giving up the grub, it's like, well, your identity and your belief system is one who I no longer need. This depend on this. This doesn't actually define who I am or how I should carry through my day. So I actually don't have to have.

It if I don't want to. What influenced us most with our belief systems, Max, is our environment. That's why the tribe is so important. You know, it is one of our most valuable assets. But yes, we have to have structure around that. But it's. It's incredible to be part of and to see, mate, like you said, this is where people get it wrong. Don't do a 28 day challenge. Commit to a long game where you know what we're building micro challenges. We're about to start Winter Wars.

Love it.

And again, we're upgrading and evolving the way that we do it, the way we were structured, our Winter wars are awesome. Like I enjoy 12 weeks of the year in the middle of the year are probably the most enjoyable. Not so much because of how much we surpass a lot of other people or places or things where they get stuck when they're in the bullshit or the victim mindset. And just to compare against how much we rise, we don't really care about that or focus on that, but actually how much we just hold our own in doing what we said we would do and improve through a period where there are different elements that try to pull us down, but they don't because we have that commitment.

Yeah, definitely. I think it's important. The long term is you often draw the steps on the graph, but it's a slow process to change all the elements of your life. And it's the onion layers. You start peeling it back. It's something that's not going to happen in 30 days. You're not going to transform your whole life. It's just that picking one thing, smashing it onto the next thing, smashing it.

Just like our events, mate, they might be the pinnacle or the peak, but they're the pinnacle peak of what we do. They're not the foundation. I'm never going to run an event and say this is the foundation. Now you've spent two days with me, off you go for the rest of your life. There's always going to be some process where this is our new baseline. What can we do? And it is a slow journey. It speeds up when you look over your life. But it is one that's taken. Like I draw with the steps one at a time. But yeah, fast forward 14, 15 months now. Like, where are you now, mate? From when you started RDM to where you are today in yourself, with your family, your relationships, your work, your kids, you, everything.

Yeah, a million miles away from where I was. For me, obviously, I got a really good relationship with my wife and the kids. Now, look, there's always stuff that's going to happen and I'm always going to have moments where things happen. But I'm a lot more aware these days. So, you know, straight away I'll catch myself sometimes. I can catch myself before. And even just like now, if I do something, if I shout at my kids, I'll go and apologize to them before. I was very justified in I did, you know, it was okay, I shouted at you. So now you know, we'll sit down, we'll calm down. You know what? Dad shouldn't have done that and really sorry. And so all them little things like that and obviously it's just building a really good relationship now with my kids connecting and it kind of feels like how this, this, you know, how life should be. This is how I visioned it really. Being there for my kids, trying to do things for my wife and my work as just been talking about. Obviously for me, my career was kind of the last piece of the jigsaw. So I was working quite a full on job and I knew that was bringing a lot of stress into my life and taking me away from my family. So yeah, recently I've done the bit of a step and a bit of a career change to bring, bring back in that work life balance. And again, it just feels that that's what I needed to do to, you know, kind of audit my life. Work is definitely part of it and that's definitely through, through rdm. I had so many stories around money, you know, and even through my parents, like, you do the safe job, take the safe job. And it's funny, even when I told my parents that resigned, their first thing was why, why did you resign? You know, it's a good job, it's a good way to pay a job, you know, why would you leave such a thing? And so, and it's amazing, like all them little stories that, you know, as you said, you pick up environmentally. So I'm in a far better place and I feel like I'm equipped to deal with life now. It feels no matter what happens, I'll have the tools and the way to get through it and probably get through it the right way as well. Not just a quick fix or just the ignore it and power through it. Just, yeah, really taking it on, owning it and yeah, dealing with life the right way.

Incredible.

Incredible. Mate, what a shift. We talk about just shifting your course one degree or true north. As you mentioned at the start of this, it's like, yeah, over 10 miles. Over a thousand miles. Yeah, we're getting somewhere then. Over 10,000. Like, mate, you're in a completely different country. Like that is literally how this changes your life through those processes that like you said, it funnily enough affects and impacts the other areas that you might not initially focus on because of how you're turning up in yourself and your value and belief inside of you, which is, it's pretty important, Max and It's nothing against your parents or mine or the older generation. Yeah, they look for security. It's like, well, you want security. Once you create stability through yourself and your ability to perform and add value to the world, that'll cover anything when you need to, right? Yeah, yeah. Goes hand in hand because when I.

Was young because I played guitar and my parents had told me like, oh, that's just for the lucky few. Yeah, it was all that kind of talk and it was all obviously that generation, you get a safe office job, you know, good blue collar tie. And that's been my story for my life. And I've never realized I could actually do a job that I'm passionate. My hobby, what I'm passionate about. And I guess, yeah, coming kind of through RDM and really looking through yourself, you realize you can create your own destiny. You can do it. It's not just the lucky few, you know, it looks nothing to do with it.

Hard when you say a billionaire saying it. But again, he's not wrong.

Right.

Or she's not wrong. Because if Max is saying that, I'm saying that from man, it feels like a lifetime ago. I was in the industry of running gyms, you know, had gyms for nearly 10 years and now it's mate. I'll never look back. Not that it's a bad thing. I've got friends who own gyms. That's awesome. Good for them. Definitely not for me, not anymore. You know, and that was a tough step to take.

What is the alternative though, Max?

Like if you don't fucking do it, man, Regardless of what financial changes, adjustments like what are you living though? What life are you living? What fulfillment, what contribution do you have through time and investment in your children? Why are you here?

What are you doing?

It's crazy.

What are some of the biggest things you've gotten out of rdm? Like your journey with us so far. You're going to talk about some of the key takeaways. Yeah, I know we've helped you with them, but like what? I guess the revelations take. What are some of the big things that you've gotten from your journey with us so far that have helped you on a personal level. That I guess probably good bits of advice that might help fathers listening to this as well.

Probably the biggest thing is self belief, realizing you can change stuff and you can do stuff. Obviously now looking back, you know, you, you keep yourself in the safe place and the safe zone. So I think rdm, I guess kind of like your kids is that mirror up to Your face. And it's. For me it's been a good challenge. So it's been a place where you get pushed and it's okay, yeah, you've done that. What's the next thing? And it's keeping you evolving and growing. Really, that's a big thing. For me, value is growth and challenging. So definitely RDM has taught me a lot about that and realized it's possible. Like here's the tools. You can do it, you can change your life, you can do this. And I think, yeah, obviously through the tribe you see, you know, we're all human beings, we're all dads and we're nothing special and we can do it. You know, it's, it's. I said it's not the skill or you know, it's just you apply it to your life and it helps you move forwards.

It's not like you're born with the gifts and you're either in or you're not. A lot of it's developed over time that comes off the back of that foundation that you said believing.

You start to see where your life can be. I know for me for many years it was this thing that I knew I could be better. I knew there was more in me. You know, it was kind of like this is not my life. Just drinking, working and shouting at my kids. You know, there's, there's more to me, there's more to Max than this. So I think that RDM helps bring that out. It real spotlights that, you know where you could be the person you could be.

It's pretty special, isn't it mate? Like that's, that's our first pillar, right? Alignment. Where do you want to be and why? And really every people. People will tell me what they don't want in their life. This is what I don't want. This is what I hate. This is what I'm currently not happy with. And it's like, okay, well what do you want? Like ah, well I want this but I don't know how to feel or I want to feel like this but I don't know what the outcome looks like and it becomes wishy washy mate, where there isn't really a clear vision and it's where you focus becomes your reality, right? If your attention and focus going to be on one thing, it's exactly where you're going to build in the patterning subconsciously and consciously of what your reality is, what you deserve, what you're worthy of and what's possible you need to have that clarity, man, you must gain that. And you can't get that unless you actually start taking action. Funnily enough, you can't just sit down and go to a course and ride it on, on a wall. This is, this is my, you know, this is my vision, my dream. You can't do it until you actually start taking action. He said the fog lifts right away. Communication with the wife and the family, everything changes with yourself, that then changes.

And that then changes something else and.

It becomes a chain reaction, you know, and it's, it's pretty, pretty crazy, man. I guess for me, like one thing you said you can change and those listening who aren't on the inside, if you do nothing, there is no the same. Like you can't just do nothing and stay the same. You're either going to get better or, or you're going to get worse. Doesn't matter about wrinkles, physiology. Being an athlete. When you're 18 and being 48 and a little bit different, you can still be the best 48 year old version that you've ever been, right? For one year then you can still be the best 63 year old version you've ever been who can still be an athlete. I work for fathers in their 70s, well their grandfathers now. Bricks for abs, you know, good on him, good on them. Those who have that, that's awesome. That's where their life aligns. But I guess for me the big thing is that self belief you are currently, if you don't improve your life, you're currently changing for the worse. So if you're seeing that and you believe you can change for the worse, let's fucking realign and understand that. Well, I can actually change for the better too. It's pretty simple, mate. If you can change for the worst max, you can actually change for the better as well. And you're living proof of that.

Yeah. Oh for sure. I think my favorite quote is, if not this, then what? So it's kind of as you said, like what is the alternative really? And I know what the, you know, I've been there, I've seen what the alternative is and I definitely prefer this alternative.

Yeah, probably would have cost you a.

Little bit more than this program as well, mate. But yep, you're on the inside now, mate, just as we. It's been awesome having you on, but I guess I'd love to just give some, some insights into a little bit of the environment. Obviously the guys listen to my podcast and we show a bit with our advertising and whatnot, but yeah. Since you've been on the inside. Like, the way that we track their data, give them feedback in family, self and service, their connection, their time value, creating space, their energy systems, their performance. How have you found it? Now, seeing from our side and the role of environment accountability with these dads, but as a whole, in a man's life.

Yeah, I think for me, I never realized what went on behind the scene. Coming in behind the scene, like, it's amazing what all you guys, what we do, all tracking that data, you know, because you'd fill in these forms and, you know, it kind of seems like it just goes off into the ether and that's it. But you don't realize how it's coming through to the forms. We're going through it. You know, we're making graphs out of it. Drew's coming in, reading all the comments, we're reaching out to the guys. So I think definitely being on the inside really shows, you know, all the work that goes on in the background to make it work. And it's amazing, really. And that's something one day I'd love to share with the dads, kind of show them all the effort that goes on in the background to it, all the planning, the prep, the data, the tracking, all the discussions between the coaches behind the scenes. And it's. It's really, again, it's another amazing place to be. It's kind of like a mini extension of the group of dads, really. Helping, supporting, we're pushing each other and problem solving together and things like that. So it's really good. And I'm also, you know, part of my job that I currently work at is around culture, company and people, so it definitely aligns with me. I'm very passionate about culture and communication with people. And for me, yeah, I'd love it, you know, when dad's on board and the whole process that they just. We make it nice, easy and simple and we show them the way. And then for me, the biggest of all is seeing dads have wins, you know, seeing somebody transform. You know, when you're on board, the dads, the story similar to mine, and it's kind of shown them where their life could be. And then once you see them having the wins and go through it, it's just. It's amazing. It's priceless, really, that someone has got in, they've taken some action and they've changed their life, and that's affected their relationship with their kids, with their family, with their wife. You know, it's changed their world. For the better. And it's kind of. Wow. That's amazing.

It is amazing, man. It makes it worth it. You know, a lot of the hard work, a lot of the stuff that we do, a lot of the criticisms or punches to the face we cop at times, it's definitely worth it, man. While you're talking about that little ecosystem on the inside, and we have a pretty unique setup in how we do it with our software, our systems and processes. So our IP's right up there where I probably won't show the full ins and outs, but we'll definitely do an episode.

Oh, no, no.

I'm happy for you to show our members, for those who are non members. Yeah, for sure. We'll show you guys some of the things that we do and how we work, but it's. It's incredible how we can collate and build together. And then when we see it, like you said, we are seeing history, like, when we get the data and all that sort of stuff, we're seeing the past. It's done. Leadership's a recognition of the past after the fact, right? So when we look at this, we're seeing the way that we. The way that we design it. Facts and feelings. Like, fuck, look at this guy's life. I know exactly where this guy is with his life right now. I know where he is and where he needs to be. I know what this guy's doing. He needs help here. Like you said, Drew, coming in, let's delegate. Let's get our coaches, release the hounds, and then we're onto it, you know? All right, awesome. Let's help the boys here, here, and here. What do they need help with? And it's.

It's amazing, man, to see how we've used this with our systems, which you're only. It's pretty smooth, but you're actually adding even more value to it now. And how we can see that we're using facts to create better feelings in life, and then we're using feelings to drive better actions and facts. And what we're doing, mate, it's creating tangibles out of the intangibles. It's scaling the unscalable in how we do this. Because it's incredible to have another layer of connection to the man, not just to go look at where you've come from, but also go, fucking, this is what you need to do. This is the outcome. This is your victory. This is your life. That's a powerful guarantee that we have, man.

And also through the dads, we're evolving rdm and it's growing and changing. So that's another really awesome thing as well. As the dads interact more, give us feedback, it helps grow and evolve RDM and just make it stronger and stronger. I guess what we're talking about, working on yourself, you're kind of just building and evolving.

Yeah, it's pretty crazy how much we've changed just this year alone, mate. Like, our leveling up has been phenomenal. But this is the accelerated growth and the rate of which we are hungry to continually improve and to build these men's lives with really dialing it in. Like, this is never going to be an all walks of life thing. It's specifically for these fathers in or entering the second half, who need to get their shit together, rewind their body clocks so they can perform for their families mentally and physically as well as organize their time better, prioritise, get time back, get that connection back. It's a really powerful thing that we have here. Max, I love having you on the inside as well now, mate. It's awesome to have you as part of the team and just to share your story today as well. I think this is a powerful message for a lot of fathers. I can speak, live and breathe, or have the answers, but when another dad hears your story, here's Gaz's, here's Drew's, here's Pete's, here's the other Pete's. Like, when they start to see all these stories, they then realize that it's real. I mean, not us, we are real. But it's hard to cut through a lot of noise and bullshit out there too, with the Internet.

But this is real, man. Like everything we're speaking about. Like, you guys watching or listening to this, you can fucking win. You can win the second half in life. You can turn it around.

Yeah.

I think the biggest thing for me as well, you realize you're not alone. You hear the stories, the testimonies, and you, like, you. You relate to so much of it. And it's. For me, it was such a weight off my shoulders. Like, fuck. It's not just me, you know, it's. It's just. Yeah, to me, it lifted that light and it just made you feel normal again. You know, it's. It's. It's something that. It happens to a lot of dads and a lot of, you know, men.

Yeah.

And it's kind of. You're not alone in it and it's kind of that reassurance to it that. And then, as you said, then. Then you can see how, how people have turned their life around. And then again, that gives you that hope that it's like, well, if he can do it, I can do it.

I used to look at that and I'd be a bit cautious of it because I think, am I taking away the man's, you know, am I desensitizing what he's going through and all that? But you're absolutely right, mate. Like, it's a liberating thing, Max.

Like you're, you're not alone.

And that doesn't take away from the severity of your feelings, the facts and the hardships in your life. But what it helps you understand is the whole time you've been beating yourself up, saying, I'm the problem, you're the solution, mate. You just got to change the way you look at it. Go to the other side of the coin and go, well, fuck, what can I do? What are my options? How can I be a true leader? How can I rise up and lead with actions? And then how could I have the right environment to help me follow through, to keep doing that consistently? There's no self maids. Anyone who says a self made is a scammer. Because I'm yet to see a video of a baby walking out of the womb, talking, wiping its own arms. Right. We all need help at some stage. Different kinds of different stages. You're a fucking liar if you don't. You spoke about that earlier like the lone wolf, right?

Yeah.

It's not happy.

Yeah, he doesn't win, he doesn't get the feedback.

Oh, definitely, definitely. You just drift. You're in kind of no man's lands, really. I've been there a few times, so I can definitely vouch for it. Yeah, you definitely at the time you think you can like that. I've learned this stuff, I'm good to go, don't need it. But you do, you just, you just slowly drift again. You're the crab in that bit of water again. It's just slowly going back on the heat.

Yeah, definitely, man. That's been awesome having you on, Max, and appreciate you sharing your story and openly, honestly sharing where you were, where you are and obviously where you continue to rise into, which is awesome, mate. Excited to be part of your journey and again in the next stage and again more closely as well. But what's some advice you'd have to some dads just something to get them thinking, get them to start turning the gears of their own life. What's something just as a key takeaway or piece of advice to fathers listening to or watching this.

Probably for me is believe in yourself. All you need is within you. It's amazing. The brain, you said, the real estate between the years. It really is almost liberating to really believe that you can make anything happen. You just do some action, you got plan, you've got the right tools in rdm. Just believe in yourself. We're amazing thing human beings and powerful and it's an untapped resource is the brain and the power in there. So I think just if you've got that thing in you that you feel you could be more act on it. Trust your gut and act on it. Just action really is probably the other key takeaway of it is start doing some action no matter how big or how small, start taking that first step on a new path on there. And I think as well for me, if guys are watching this are not in RDM is just. And you're not sure is kind of you've got nothing to lose really. RDM I think is such a positive place. You're never going to come in here and have a negative experience or walk away, think, you know it's always going to be positive and there's, you know, it's a place that's going to help you grow for the better on there. Yeah, I think it's, it's. And as I said, like if not this, what else? What's the alternative? And so it's. Yeah, it's amazing, it's amazing program I think. And the fact that it's so holistic really appeals I think as well Now.

I appreciate it, Max. I appreciate the words too, mate. You know, I couldn't agree more. Like find that belief inside of yourself. Really dig for it, find it. It is there. Initiate the spark, that's all you need. And take action off the back of that. You do that and then have the right environment to continually reinforce that you can't lose. And we're never here to hard sell or try and push any farther, mate. We do consultations where we don't have dads who are a good fit or don't come on board. We still help them. We help them on their life or their journey. We have fathers who aren't quite committed and that's okay too. We still help them on their journey, show them perspective, the path, build the game plan for them to win. That's okay, but like you said, there's layers and levels to everything. If not this, what else will depends on how much you want to win in your life and what you want to do the holistic approach for me is there is no alternative, Max. I want to have significance in family, self and service. I want to be able to achieve what I desire to achieve in life. I want to be able to have contribution and fulfillment in that, in knowing that my legacy or the legacy of my children, that's fucking done, that's already looked after. Because the legacy that I've built in myself first, not for me, not egotistically, just how do I turn up as Al? Like, what am I doing? That's going to have a ripple effect. And you see it, mate.

And I think you want to be proud of yourself. You don't want to get to the other side, especially around kids, and just think, God, man, that was a bit of a car crash. You want to get to the other side. You know what? We gave them a really good solid foundation to go out into life and succeed, really. You know, be a happy, happy person. And, you know, all that's. That's pretty powerful.

Yeah, definitely. I had that chat with Corinne, my wife, the other day. I was just saying, like, there's times where I'm just. I'm so exhausted with these kids, man. I look back and I'm just. I fall into bed and all this sort of stuff. And I was like, I'm pretty fit and healthy and strong. Like, I don't. Not that I was caring about or asking what other fathers doing. And then Karim was like, she butt in. She's like, you do so much with like, you. You are out pacing, out running them. You do so much with them all the time. Every day you do it. You're so. You're giving so much to them.

It's.

It's amazing. I don't. When I take the kids to the park, I don't see that. Like when I'm out catching up with friends, I don't hear the same stories and this, this and that. And again, it wasn't for me to compare. It was just, yeah, it was just looking back and then. And when we had that chat, I was like, yeah, I don't. Like you said, and I'm not perfect, mate. I have plenty moments. Like, yeah, I could have handled that better. But in terms of being proud, I'm like, fuck, mate, you building the blocks for your children, regardless of playing with them or not, it's energy, right? Kids respond to energy. They respond to the energy put out. Doesn't matter the words, doesn't matter what you wear. It's the energy that you are expressing onto. And with Them that they respond to most. And you're right, man, there is a level of pride with that. I'm very fucking proud of the father owned by these three kids. Wasn't. Wasn't a few years ago. Am now. But it's. It's a powerful thing that can drive us too, Max, mate. Yeah, appreciate the.

The share.

Spot on.

And then, yeah, obviously I love the analogy of the glass ball as well with the family. You kind of realize I've dropped that glass ball once too many times, so I've got to really look after that one. And especially with the kids, I think it's just connection, really. Just putting away your phone, putting away the house chores and just being with them. And that's what they love. It's not necessarily about what you're doing. I think they just crave that attention that you're engaged with them.

Which shows how much they look up to you.

Right.

So don't waste it. It's powerful.

Yeah. And that's the key thing, really. Yeah. Don't waste it. Really take it while you can get it.

Yeah, absolutely, man. It's been awesome having you on, Max. Appreciate you giving your time and, yeah, great session. What I've wanted to do for a while. You had amazing transformations. You haven't stopped, man, like since day dot. You've always turned up and it's been pretty inspiring. I need you to know that as well, mate. For me personally to see your journey, it really has been. Thanks for sharing it, mate.

And I hope.

I hope the dad's watching or listening. Got some great value out of this. You know, there's always value in sharing the other father's stories and not just the mindset pieces or coaching that I do or that we do. It's real men, just like Max and showing A, where they were, which a lot of you might be similar, but B, where they've come from to where they are now and what they're doing about it. And that's awesome, man. Really appreciate having you on.

Yeah, no, well, thanks. Thanks for having me. Thanks for your time.

Pleasure, mate.

Thanks again, guys.

Hope you enjoyed this episode. Don't forget, we're on iTunes, Spotify Stitcher, SoundCloud Anchor, and also on our YouTube channel with this episode. If you ever need anything or you want to reach out and you need some help in a specific area, alexdalemoving.com we will show you the path to. Like we said, get your shit together the right way, get back in control again and win the second half. And that, that's exactly what we do. That's what we love doing. Max is another shining example, but hope you guys enjoyed this episode. Thanks again and tune in for another one soon. Cheers.