113. All Loved Up

Foreign. Podcast, as always. This is your host, Al. And I do love, I do love the solo sessions. We've had some amazing guests on and we've got some future ones booked, which is going to be epic. But I do love, I love a bit of one on one time. Just you and me. Just you and me, mate. Whether you're sitting in the car, sitting at home, at your desk, the office, out on your work site, got the earphones plugged, doesn't matter. Taking time out for yourself by valuing yourself and investing in yourself is the key to moving forward in your life. But it's also key to start from the inside out on working on yourself, to then be able to have not only transparency with that you connected to, but a pathway to implement the same things. And that's the point of this episode. All loved up. We're talking about love languages, how to connect. This applies to your children as well. Not just your wife or your partner or even those you love, your mates, you know, your friends out of family circle, in a family circle. My point is this. You can't, if you don't even have the perception, if you don't even have the ability to see how to approach things, if you don't even have the ability to shift your positioning on how you view something within yourself first, mate, you can't do it with your missus, you can't do it with your kids. It's just not possible. So I can give you tactics, strategies, skills, all this sort of shit that I, you know, it's not that I use it on my wife, not in a manipulative or deceitful manner. I use with my wife, I use for my wife, I use for myself. I know when I'm allowing my wife the opportunity to invest in herself by me cutting out a little bit of my time, looking after the kids here and there, giving her the ability to get some freedom back in her life, whether it's a gym or walking or anything else. I'm getting a better wife. I'm getting what I want. But everyone wins. It's a genuine ripple effect. It's not, hey, give me this at the cost of you. It's, let me allow this opportunity. Is this what you want? Can I have this back in return? Isn't it crazy? The whole ask and you shall receive just seems to fall on deaf ears. For me, a large portion words are great and obviously you connect with these words, they're phenomenal. But put it this way, if all I ever did was a podcast show and there was no coaching program. There weren't supplements, championship journals, a skincare product of what coming out, obviously. Our training gear, our training apparel. We've got some fucking epic things coming out, man. And what a year it's been so far in building an even bigger foundation and seeking growth and change. Change for fathers, but starting with ourselves first, right? Exactly. Same thing. If I wasn't practicing what I preach, would you really value me? Would you really value these podcasts? You'd look up, you'd be like, oh, the fuck's al. Some bloke in an island in Fiji sending emails and doing podcasts, Right? It's so funny, I don't get it that often, but I've had a couple of guys in their first consults with me, skeptical, which I understand, you know, there's a lot of shit out there. It's why we keep pushing to break through the noise. But I have had a couple, not many actually, which I guess is credit to our message and the variety of platforms which you can find us, including other fathers and their stories. But I've had a couple of guys asked me, like, are you a scam? I say, fuck, mate, I think you'll find out pretty quickly the truth. But here's my abn, here's my address. Come and have a chat. But anyway, you know, when we're talking about. When we're talking about love language. Now, look, this is a great book, actually. It's the Five Love Languages. A really good book. Like all things in life, though, when you have the onion and you just peel back one or two layers, you can find more meaning, more purpose and more application in your life. I'm never going to sit here and say, hey, talk to me about the childhood trauma you have when you're 4 years of age so you can understand all the bullshit and all the mess and shit you've created in your life. That and no offense to those who are in some sort of, you know, industry, whether it's medical, whether it's psychiatry, whether it's psychologists. I've got some great friends who are psychologists and whatnot, but little bit cut from a different cloth. They're not really one that, like the trotters with the blinkers on that, just a mainstream, so to speak, or institutionalized, where you're just a number. These are the boxes we tick and you're away. That's bullshit for me. Where are you now? Where are you going? Same with this, with the love languages. You can have all the tactics, all the strategies in the world. You can have all the things to understand the previous message. But if you don't use that to unfuck yourself, to move forward and become a better man inside of yourself, no one will win. And this is something I need you to understand. Like, crazily enough. The only criticism that I've ever copped is from other fathers. Isn't that funny? It's fucking amazing, man. Like, it, it cracks me up. Like, mate, I'm in your corner. Like, if you're, if you're triggered and taking the stuff that I'm speaking, living an eggshell free life. If you're taking that as me, when I say you in this podcast, I'm talking directly to you and pointing a finger or blame your judging. Fuck, mate, you got some issues to work out. I'm in your corner. What I'm doing is positioning you with the truth, peeling back the layers to have that transparency, to look in the mirror, to find the gateway to breaking through your own bullshit, to become better in yourself. I'm here for you, man. I want you to win. I need you to win because this is so important for me and it's not a owl's here. I'm going to change the world thing. The world will change off the back of one father at a time. To bring the needle back, to bring that homeostas in the household again, that dynamic back, where it gives you the position to lead the family in the household the way that you can, will and should, which then gives your wife the position to lead the household and family the way that she can, will and should, which gives your children the ability to lead their own lives and build their own legacy off the back of yours. Both individuals, as an intimate couple and as parents, leading the house and raising your children. And look, we've got guys who listen to this who, yes, through different circumstances, you might not be married anymore, you might be single. I understand that, mate, and I get that. You know, I'm not pigeonholing our entire message around one specific father, Dave, who's 43 with brown hair and weighs this amount of weight and lives in this area of Australia. You know, if you want to be real specific with words and be a perfectionist in terms of dialogue and pulling apart words, we can sit down and have an audit on words and actions in life. And I think that the truth will win pretty quickly there. And that's not about you or me or you versus me. It's about me giving you an understanding of the principles of this man. It's the principles of this that will apply to your life. I need you to really get clear on that. This is pre framing, and it's not a tactic. It's when I say pre frame, it's like I'm opening you up to a perspective and a way to see things before we start to dive into what I'm about to nail with this love language stuff. And, you know, the point of this episode all loved up, because when we can soften the frame a little bit and make you a bit more malleable and open and receptive with your best interest at heart, because I've got a blank canvas of you. I don't have a biased version of who you are. I'm not your Mrs. I'm not your brother. I'm not your father. I'm not your son. I don't have anything other than your best interest at heart. I want you to win. I want you to fucking dominate. I want you to get value from these podcasts, because guess what? When you do, you're going to improve your life. And when you keep improving your life, well, guess what the byproduct is we begin to build this respect and rapport. Even if I never even meet you, it doesn't matter. This is energy out there in the universe. This is the world. This is your reality that you create, my reality that I create. And guess what? Sometimes they overlap. We've had so many fathers who followed me for a couple of years, and guess what? The pinnacle was the podcast. And that led to them going, well, you know what? This is. I'm in a position where I need this and I'm willing to come on board. So that is a byproduct as well. We've got some phenomenal members that have come on board off the back of listening to our podcast or watching certain coaching episodes on YouTube. Awesome. That's great. You know, but that's a byproduct of me adding value right now. And when I add value to you, I'm adding value to myself, obviously, because guess what? I'm living and breathing and remembering the message by communicating it. So the love languages, just to be clear here, we need to set a foundation. And ultimately there's. It really is the four Cs to. It's the four Cs to evolution. It's the four Cs to change, to transformation. You know, you must apply it to yourself first. But yes, you can definitely apply this to your relationships, to your work, to your business. And this is something that when I say we created or I created, it's off the Back of the data. What the fathers have taught me, they're always teaching me. Like, when I'm helping these men and I'm showing them the pathway, it's off the back of reflecting the data they give me and the feelings and the facts and me constructing an unbiased on the level point of view to help them move forward with tactical approaches, strategies, and actions. Like, it's pretty simple. If I don't have fathers in my group, who the fuck am I coaching or teaching? Who am I learning from? This is why no one in the world is doing what we're doing. Like, the way that we have the data and the way that you can see the runs on the board that we get with these guys. The way that we track your life the right way for you and diving deep into that, man, no one else is anywhere close to this. And the people copy. But good luck. You have to be invested. Like, we bleed. I bleed for these men. But it's worth it. It is worth it. It makes it worth it too. When I've got challenges like we all do in life, the four Cs, communication. It's very important to deliver your communication or to build the way that you communicate. Body language, words, the tone of your words, facial expressions, the timing of when you communicate, how you communicate and put all those together, writing the missus, reading you reading, and so on. So communication is very important. Next one is context. So it's communication, context, comprehension, and connection. Won't say that five times really fast context. Okay, well, what's. What's the point? What are you actually communicating like that? That's pretty important, man. Otherwise you're just pissing in the wind. Like, if I didn't have a point or purpose and bring context into this, like, I'm you, I'm applying the four Cs here, right? Do you think you'd listen to the podcast? Do you think we'd have 25,000 downloads? Like, that's fucking epic. We just ticked. We just ticked over 25,000 downloads. Like, that's so awesome, man. I love that. I can't wait till it's 100, you know, just continually ch that growth in life because we know what it represents. 113 episodes in now. There's like 70 hours of energy pouring blood and sweat into this stuff. And it's awesome. I love this stuff and I love having you on the journey with us. But there's a point. What's the context? What's the point and purpose when you're delivering communication to yourself? That's what thinking is. It's conversation with yourself, your thoughts, context. What's the point? Next one, comprehension. Is there a level of understanding? Like, do you understand? Does your wife understand? Like, the way that you communicate and what you're communicating about? Is it reciprocal? Does she understand? Do you understand? Like, comprehension is very important. Man, I didn't even understand what that word was when I went through school. But obviously I've changed a little bit since then. Not that I enjoyed school at all. Nearly getting in punch ons with teachers and not being someone who conforms to the system per se, when I didn't agree with certain areas. And that's nothing. I mean, my wife's a primary teacher, but in high school, certainly there was a lot of collision. But I feel blessed for standing up for what I believe in. You either stand for something or you fall for everything, mate. And that's the truth. And, you know, I stand for that. And I stand for having your own truth and discovering that. But comprehension, you must understand, and connection, like, when you have that clarity and connection comes from that, you know, when we're looking at communication context, what's the point? Do they understand comprehension? Do you connect? Okay, cool. I'm receiving this. I'm delivering this to my wife. It's got a point. She understands it, but does she connect to it? Like, are you on the same page? That's important. Because if not, all right, cool. You know, let's not. Not throw the baby out with the bathwater, but let's go back to the drawing board and let's reorganize this so we can have some sort of middle ground or an understanding that we both are committed to, to move forward. Now, when we're looking at those, those four Cs, it's very interesting. Like, maybe not the be all and end all of all problems in your life, but certainly all problems in life, all problems in your marriage, in your relationships, they are all initiated. At least initiate it. I'm not saying it's a prolonged thing or reason, but all problems in your marriage and your relationships, relationships with your kids, relationship with yourself is important. Like I said, it's got to be you, man, from the inside out. First, all breakdowns and all problems are initiated with a lack of clarity and with a lack of communication. That's a very powerful thing. Just whatever you're doing, stop there for a second and just. I say to my kids, just listen, please, because they go crazy in the house at the moment. It's savage. I don't know where they get that energy. It's unbelievable. Just listen. All problems and breakdowns at least are initiated or start or build or get worse from a lack of clarity and a lack of communication. If you have a lack of communication, you rarely ever have clarity anyway. But if the communication's shit, you won't have any clarity. If the communication doesn't have context or comprehension or connection, you won't have clarity. All problems. I want you to think back any issues you've had with the missus. What, what's the. Well, let's look at this. What's the other side of that coin? If you don't have clarity in communication, what do you have? And I get it all the time, especially on my ads. These guys, they throw stones. You just don't fucking get it, mate. You just don't understand. That's why. And that's okay. That can be your belief. But you don't have communication and clarity with exact messages I'm putting out there. So what's the opposite of that? What's the other side of the coin? And we all do it. And you got to check yourself on it, man, because it will fuck you up. The other side of that coin is expectation and assumptions. If you don't have communication and clarity, guess what? You assume that your wife should be doing X, Y and Z. She assumes that you should be doing it. You have an expectation. And look, there's nothing wrong with an expectation of yourself when it comes to standards. There's nothing wrong with an expectation of others when it comes to standards and output if that's a commitment that you make. But fuck, man, if you've got assumptions and expectations over outcomes, you've got to be very, very careful. Because even if you have an agreement with an expectation of your output, this is what we commit to. This is our agreement. These are our expectations. That's effort. It still doesn't equal the reward. Like what we do with our fathers. I give personal guarantees. Fuck yeah, absolutely, man. Your life will change massively. Like, you have no idea how much it'll change. We do because we do it all the time. But you've got to meet us halfway. So I give a guarantee if you come and meet us there, 100%, we will get there. But that's playing the long game. Which is why I don't give you a two week success. All right? You're going to win in two weeks. What does that even mean? The outcome hinges with a high success rate off the back of. Yes, expectations, off the back of standards, off the back of actions off the back of communication, connection, 100% for sure. But nothing in life is guaranteed in a period of time or a time frame from which you try and pigeonhole it with assumptions or expectations. Now think about that with your marriage then. Like there are so many moving parts. Are you even positioning yourself to have the different perspective that your wife might have? Like when it comes down to something as simple as what do you want for dinner? Oh, whatever you want, hun. Like I don't care, I'm easy, blah blah, blah, you're assuming that you just being carefree and relaxed is giving her freedom, control and power over what you're going to do for dinner. So you're actually gifting her that, you're giving her that. Awesome. That's great. From your perspective. From her perspective. Well, I just wanted to engage and I wanted to have a connection, some communication over something we can connect to with dinner. And I just got fucking nothing back from my husband. Like I got nothing back. He just said whatever. He doesn't care. He doesn't care about the question I asked. He doesn't care about the communication that we have. He doesn't care about giving his input and valuing my input with that input, mate, whether it's real or not. And this is the hard part. Like, fuck, leadership's hard, man, because it's after the fact and there's a lot of unknowns. But don't go into life with uncertainties. Uncertainty is not taking action and that doesn't mean domination either. You got to have a sweet spot. It's not one extreme or the other. But mate, if you dismiss things where your wife wants you to engage with and simple, even as simple as dinner, telling you, man, you are shooting yourself in the foot because perceivable or real, that is her viewpoint, how she may receive you doing that on a chronic level every single day for years, which leads to a breakdown in one area and all of a sudden you throw your hands in there going, oh, she just turned around one day and said she's not feeling it anymore. We're not connected anymore. Well, fuck, mate, I wonder why the biggest problems you have, the greatest problem you will ever have in your life, the solution, funnily enough, fuck the dichotomy of life, right? The solution is always the smallest thing. It's so small, you don't need big haymakers, mate, you don't need big home runs to get back in front. It's always the smallest solution and we're about to dive into the love languages. But I just needed you to understand. Just position yourself as we open this up, because this isn't a tactic, it is a skill set. But the skill set isn't the actual method. It's the approach, it's the foundation, it's the principle of it. But when you're looking at being invested and connected with your wife, having that clarity, that communication, and building that together is a very, very powerful thing. Because when you have that, guess what you automatically don't have. You don't have assumptions. You don't have that bullshit assumption. And expectations, they're very similar, they're very close. It's a fine line. Which is why I'm very cautious about expectations. It's not a bad word, but Jesus, man, it will bleed over into assumptions very, very quickly. You need to be careful of that. Not just with your relationships, work with your own life. Otherwise you assume you've still got time, right? You could fucking die in six days time. You assume you've got time. You think, how much time do you think you have? 82 is the average age, right? Plenty of people in nursing homes that are 90 and their life's shit. So it's not just the quantity of time, it's the quality. How much do you think you have? I could go for a swim tomorrow and get eaten by a shark. Like, what examples do you want? I could walk out, jump in my car and a bus could take me out. You know, I could develop some sort of cancer or disease and I'm done. I fucking hope not. I'd love to have a bit more time here. This is such an amazing message of love and empowerment where we know when dads win, everyone wins because of the genuineness of our nature at the driven level, the foundational level. But mate, you can't go through life with assumptions, expectations. When you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. That's an episode I did not long ago. Very powerful. So when you're saying yes to clarity and communication, to your wife, what are you saying no to? Neglect, suppression, pulling back. Different transitions which are not wholesome. Whether it's aggression, whether it's losing in temper, being short tempered, whether it's being grumpy, whether it's being disconnected, whether it's making assumptions, expectations. Which means you don't value the now, you don't value the effort, now put in the now. So when you say yes to that, you're saying no to all the other bullshit. But when you say no to clarity and communication, what are you saying yes to? Subconsciously, you're saying yes to all the bullshit, mundane stuff which has led to your marriage falling down. And isn't it crazy, like the most important, because we're building a big legacy here. We're going to have a 30 year membership down the track where we're going to take a father from pre birth, when his child is born, all the way through the journey. Because this is what we see. Your 30s and 40s, they make or break your life. They are the glue. They are the glue to a wholesome, rich and fulfilling life. And they are the glue to legacy, mate. They absolutely. Are you still earning your stripes even in your 30s? I mean, earning your stripes, it's a bland sort of term, but you know, we are students of life. Like there'll be things I learn when I'm 70, things I learn when I'm 80, right? But the building blocks off the back of what you've had through your childhood, your teenage years, your 20s and your early 30s. Every single father says the same thing. In our group, we've got dads in their 50s. Fuck, I wish I had this in my 30s, Al. I wish I had this 10 years ago. I wish I had this 15 years ago, mate. And it's a hard one because I'm like, yeah, but would you value it? Because it sounds crazy, but most guys in their 30s don't value this. When I have consults, I'm very not critical, but I'm very cautious of guys in their 30s. I'm like, mate, I'm in my 30s, but I'm an old soul mate. Like I've worked with these old bulls so long, my life has accelerated massively with trauma through my 20s. And this is all I live and breathe. So my perspective around life and the value is very high end. Doesn't make me better or worse. But I'm very cautious of guys in their 30s when they reach out. Because I'm like, fuck, mate, you still think he can go it alone? I don't think you've had enough trauma yet. Isn't that crazy? It's almost sad because I'm like, fuck, you shouldn't have to go through this, man. Don't let your life bleed out for another 12 weeks, let alone 12 months, let alone 12 years. You come to me when you're 48, you've got a lot of knots. Your rope is tied in a fuckload of knots. It's going to take a while to untie those knots, mate. We can't do that in two weeks. And when it's too late. I'm not a miracle worker. You told me your wife's left two months ago. Fuck, mate. Where were you six months ago? Right, this is the thing when it comes down to expectations and assumptions, but ultimately having clarity and communication. Now we can have that with your wife, with your relationships, with them, with your children, but it must start with you first. Let's crack on into it. Love languages. As we start to wrap this up, funnily enough, this was the pre framing for you to understand how you can apply this to your life. Great book. Great book. Peel the layers back. One and two, one and two layers. And we've got even more understanding. There are five Love, physical touch, Words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and physical gifts or gifts. Physical touch. Cuddling, kissing, not just making love or having sex, holding hands, ass slaps, whatever you want to call it. Playfulness is great. You can definitely keep and you should keep that in your life. Doesn't matter how old you are. I know I will. Physical touch, words of affirmation. I appreciate you so much. You know, I say that all the time, even to my children. Like, you're doing an amazing job. I'm so proud of you. Like, it's, it's, it's awesome to see how well you're doing with learning how to write words, Stella. And then with the wife. Thank you so much. Like, for me. And we'll dive into this. There's actually a free test you can do. So if you want access to the test, you can either look it up or hit me up alexdabmovement.com and I'll send you the links and give you a bit of a guide. Physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time. Sometimes the missus just wants time, mate. Doesn't matter what you speak or whether you're holding just time in each other's presence, right? Could be a lunch date. We call it honey and handsome time. I don't like the term date night. Honey and handsome time's awesome because you're handsome and she's your honey. And that's the fucking way it should be. And that's how you should look at yourself. Acts of service and gifts. Now, when I did this test a little while ago, a few years ago, I was physical touch. Big, big physical touch. And that was followed by words of affirmation. The game changes. It constantly changes. Right now my number one is acts of service. I know when my wife is giving acts of service, so that's, you know, she's not my slave. But when she's helping out with the washing my clothes, when she's helping out with dinner, I cook too. I love cooking. But when she helps out with dinner, when she helps organize the kids, when she positions me so I can do what I need to do in looking after my body, what I need to do in looking after you guys and providing amazing value and service on the outside and inside of rdm, what we stand for, to help create a higher level of fathers, high performance fathers with you in your corner. Fuck, man, that's awesome. Like that. That fulfills me so much. I'm like, fuck, thank you so much. Acts of service, giving me the ability and opportunity to flourish and thrive in the areas that I want to and I need to dedicate time to. That's followed closely, yes, by physical touch. I enjoy that. And that's a close third with words of affirmation. The quality time is important, but at the stage of our life with three young kids, it's also an understanding that we can find different areas to connect and that's not the ideal one because we are limited in time. Yes, you all get 24 hours a day, but I need to be in bed for ten hours to get seven and a half hours sleep because I'm up two and a half hours every night. So technically, for me to get quality sleep between seven and eight hours, I only have 21 to 22 hours a day. Right. So whilst people say you're 24 hours on dates, it's a bit of a fucking scam because there are times, if you still want quality, where you know what you have, you do have less time. What's the quality, though? So time was a fourth. The fifth one was gifts. I don't care about gifts. You could buy me the nicest thing in the world. It means nothing to me. You know, show, show, don't tell, not with external things, show with energy, energy and effort. So, yeah, it's nice. It is nice, but it's not, you know, it's the last thing for me. Physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and gifts. Pretty cool. Pretty cool, right? And this is why, when you do the test, it's a free test. When you do the test, you then. And this, this is the beauty of it. When you do the test, when the missus does the test, four things happen. It's not about just doing the testing. And I love this. This is great. This is what I want. Four things happen. You understand and now know why you respond in your relationship to some things. Better than other at such a simple level. I fucking hate when she does this, or I don't like when she does this or it's a waste when she does this or it's a waste of money when she buys me this owl or I really can't be fucked going and doing this. I don't like going to the movies with her because we don't even talk. But that's what that might be, quality time to her, Right? This is the crazy part. So very first thing, you start to know what you want, you understand what you desire. What does that bring? Clarity. Which gives you the opportunity to what? Communicate. Which then gives her the opportunity to what? Have clarity over what a husband wants and needs and desires. Right. You know what you want when she does it? Guess what? The same thing. She has clarity over what she wants, so she starts to understand. Oh, that's why I like when I have this or when hubby does that or when he does this for me or when he gives me this. Like, if your wife loves physical gifts, there's nothing wrong with that. So instead of trying to cuddle or trying to write her a poem and just buying her some fucking bland flowers, find a physical gift that you know is in tune with her life. If it's a certain book that she loves, awesome. What's the series of the books I'm gonna buy this one for now? Make it connected to her on a personal level, of course. But if that's what she loves, mate, that's what she loves. If she loves quality time. But you don't. What do you want? You want the most out of your wife, right? So there is a bit of give and take, not at the chronic cost to yourself. And I love that term, chronic cost. I've said that before. It's a quote of mine. If you continue to give to those you love at the chronic cost of yourself, you're not sacrificing for the family. You are sacrificing your family and yourself because you're killing yourself in the process, man. Which means no one wins. So you start to understand and know what you want. Well, I love. I actually love words of affirmation now. There's nothing I love more than when I come home and my wife says, I'm so proud of you working so hard for our family. You are a fucking dynamo. You are a king. I love that way more than having sex, actually. That makes me feel even more desired, mate. Awesome. Good for you, man. That's great. Now you know, she knows what applies to her that's the second thing. Which means the third thing is you can ask her, what do you want? What do you desire? What do you deserve inside of your life that you connect to most? So when she understands, you can ask, because guess what? You then become invested in her right away. And she takes it that way. Her perception is he cares, right? You think that she thinks that you care because you put food on the table and have money and buy nice things. No, no, no, no. That's your perception and belief. She doesn't ask you to work 12 hours. It's like, RDM. If I ever come home and say, Krin, RDM's for us. I'm doing this for us. And I'm spending hours. She's like, I didn't fucking ask for my husband be away from the children and me late at night. So I tell her, well, you know, I've got to be honest. RDM's for me. It's not for you. That's solely and purposely for me. But guess what the ripple effect is. It gives me the opportunity to give value to the world, which positions me physically and mentally to be a better man, a better husband, A, provide for you and B, have fulfillment in one area of my life, service, which means I'm happier man when I come home to you. Is that worth having? And guess what? There's some times when I come home late because I'm working hard. There's times when I leave at 4 in the morning because I'm working hard. But that's what I love. I do this for me. I go to the gym at 4:30am for me to invest in myself. But guess what the ripple effect is because it's done out of love and a genuine nature to grow in my life and expand and evolve who I am. Guess what the byproduct is. Corrine, you win too, because you get a better husband when you position yourself this way, mate. Like, this isn't like, it's not, A, it's not a crafty thing and it's not even complex. I hope that example sort of shines a bit of light on that for you when you ask her. It positions you with A better understanding, B, better investment, C, a perspective that she sees that you're invested in her, and D, a pathway forward, communication and clarity. Which means guess what the fourth point is. You can express what you want and you can ask. I know you really enjoy quality time and acts of service. And I'm happy. I'm going to jump up and I'm going To organize that netting over the guttering so the leaves don't fill in there. I'm going to do a little bit of landscaping, make the front of the house look really nice, this and that. But I really love spending some time together in each other's arms. I want to organize some H and H time. I want some honey and handsome time. That doesn't mean that I'm looking to do the deed every single night. I just, I really want to spend some time together. Close, connected with physical touch. That's what, that's what feels like connection for me. You know, I just, you know, when you do this, mate, they can't argue that. Like, it's hard to argue feelings. Like, what sort of wife would she be? To look at you go, no, you're wrong. You are wrong for feeling that. That's, that's pretty fucking rude, man. That's, that's pretty fucking rough. Like, if you have a wife that consistently does that, that, that's, yeah, there's, there's some work that needs to be done there. You can't argue feelings. You can argue facts. You can't argue feelings. Darling, I'm willing to do this for you. I know, I'm busy. I'm under the pump. You know what? I know you just love having a beautiful garden. Let's go to Bunnings or let's go to a flower shop. We're gonna get some nice things, we'll do a bit of landscaping. But you know what, let's give mum and dad a call. Let's see if they can organize the kids for a couple hours Sunday Oven, I just want to take you out for some afternoon tea and then just spend some time together. Like have a bit of alone time. Like when you do this, mate, the deed is the after effect. Like it's not even sex that is the prize. Like, that might feel like the climax or the pinnacle, but that's a short lived moment. It's the actual courting, the grooming process, it's the dating. Dating your wife again by being open and transparent, saying, this is what I feel like I need. It's just how I feel at the times. And when I get that, this is who I become for you and for our family. Which means when you want this, you want those same feelings, but it's in a different way, it's in a different level. With words of affirmation or quality willing to do this for you. And when you have that reciprocal energy in nature, fuck, man. Your marriage will flourish. I'm telling you Right now, it doesn't become stagnant. You can still have the playfulness, the fun. It evolves, it changes. Sure, you know, my wife, and we've had ups and downs and we've had breaks, but I've been with her since she was 15 and I was 17. It's pretty fucking long time. Like the whole. The old high school sweetheart, it's hard shit, man. That's a whole different level on its own. Some hard stuff. Nothing's right or wrong or better or worse. But my point is this, mate. When you understand something as simple as the love languages and apply it to your life, you get clarity. You understand? She can get clarity. Get her to do it as well. You can then ask her, okay, what were you. What do you want? What do you love? Okay, what does that look like? Awesome. Because you can create structure. It's not monotony. It's not something that's mundane or. It's not like a rigid structure of being some fucking army man or soldier to go, this is our marriage and this is how it lines up in this framework. Not at all, man. This. It's not discipline equaling freedom. And I love some of Jocko Willink stuff. Others doesn't apply to us, but there's some good stuff in there. But when you have clarity and communication, that equals freedom. That level of structure and structure and understanding in connecting, that equals freedom, mate. Freedom, spontaneity. Whatever you want, whatever you desire, which means you can ask and you will receive, you shall receive, and you can ask of her and then you can give and then she can ask. And when you have that on such a compound level, mate, it doesn't end in the stock market. Compound interest, bark. That's massive dividends. I'm telling you, things will turn around massively in 12 weeks, let alone 12 months. There's opportunity if you get smart and clever to build and have big home runs, man, with very little effort. Let's. Let's say. I'll just give you a quick example. Wrap this up. Let's say, for example, my wife, she. She loves quality time, acts of physical touch, gifts and words of affirmation. Let's say that order. I mean, it doesn't. Doesn't really matter, but either way, let's say that that's what she loves for this example. Okay, cool. Quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation and gifts. All right. They're sort of the main ones. No worries. All right. All of a sudden, I brainstorm. Okay, what's something we're going to do. All right? The kids go to daycare on Thursdays. All right, beautiful. Awesome. Thursday morning. Hey, darling. I'm gonna go to work for a few hours, but I've got a surprise plan for you, so make yourself free from 12 to 3pm this afternoon. Curiosity, right? Number one thing, man, curiosity. That's what all humans love, they crave, they respond to. Well, what do you mean? Well, I'm just telling you, between 12 and 3pm, don't book anything in. I'll get back to you shortly. See you. Have a good morning. Drive safe when you drop the kids off to school. Done in the office. Bang. Already organized. Quality time, active service. Words of affirmation. I'm gonna write a nice little poem, nice little love note to say you what. We've got three children. I'm so fucking happy in how we're raising them. Thank you so much. It means the world to me and I really appreciate everything that you do. I could hide that somewhere in the house. Flicker a message at 10 o'. Clock. Hey, just check the second drawer in the kitchen. I think there's something in there for you. Bang. Words of affirmation done. When she sees that it's not some love meme with love hearts that anyone can fucking copy and paste off the Internet. There's effort, there's time involved, right? All of a sudden, 12 o', clock, come back home. All right, we're going out for lunch. I've booked a sin to go here, here and here. Beautiful. This is where we're going. This is. We're going to go after Quality time. Words of affirmation. Quality time. 1:30 hits. Oh, by the way, I've organized. I know you've got a tight neck and so what I've done is I've actually organized a massage for you at this place, this little beauty day spa. You're going to go get a neck and shoulder rub and I've organized a half an hour facial. So I'm going to take Roman, the other two are in school. I'm going to take him for the afternoon. I'm going to pick the girls up from daycare. Fucking bang. I've given her a physical gift. She's going to have physical touch from a service that's going to be beneficial for her. I've given her words of affirmation. I've given her quality time. And guess what? By looking after Roman and giving her that freedom to herself, nurturing herself, and also picking the kids up from school, I've given her acts of service. Fucking bang. That's a home run, man. That's five. All five. Write her a love letter. Create some curiosity. Organize some time out for her. Organize some acts of service that takes the heat and pressure off her so she can recharge her own batteries so she can be more for you. And organize some quality time because it's hard to get time together, right? When you've got kids, you're raising your family, you're doing you, she's doing her, you're trying to do you together and you're trying to do the kids. As a parent that, mate, how do you think we'll wrap this up? How do you think that would go? If you organize something like that with your wife, you don't need to be crafty. I mean, if you want, go to a program called Canva C A N V a dot com, you can get it. It's free program, little bit of artwork, mate, you can write your own poem and download it and send it to her as a png. Doesn't matter. Use technology. Use whatever you want. Do a handwritten thing, Go to the post office, get some. Not get a nice notepad. You do this, mate, I fucking promise you that will create massive dividends. Life. It's not necessarily about sales. I do talk about that, you know, you sell to your children, you should do this. You sell to your wife, you sell to your friends and family, you're selling to yourself. It's negotiations, it's trades, it's investments. Life is investment. You're negotiating, creating trades in your energy levels, in what you're applying to your own life and how you talk to yourself, turn up for yourself your own belief systems. You're investing in your wife, you're investing your, in your children, you're investing in your business. You're negotiating what that looks like, which is perceptions, belief systems, influence, it's all the same fucking thing, mate. When you do this with just that little 1% extra for your wife, for things closest to you, that's outside of you, but immediately and intrinsically a part of you in your life, I promise you, mate, you will win. Which means everyone wins. You're going to get the most out of her. You can do the same with your children. Doesn't matter. Can you see now why the start of this episode and the back end of this episode was critical in your understanding such a simple philosophy? And it's a great book. It's a small book, the Free Test, like you can look it up on Google. But if you want a bit more guidance, instruction to help you understand and digest it all. Alexildownmoon.com Happy to help you with that. Love languages, great book and great simple philosophy. You know, I'm sure you could peel the layers back on them a little bit. Okay. Physical touching. This. This doesn't matter. You don't need to. Don't overcomplicate things. Physical touch. Words of affirmation, quality time. Acts of service and gifts. You do this mate and you start applying this to your own life first. Then you'll start to see the way through and then you can apply that to others lives because you know how that makes you feel and how that'll make them feel. And you're connected. You're connected and invested in their life which brings a higher level of connection, investment to your own. I hope you enjoyed this episode, mate. Got a lot of value out of it. Apply it immediately up today, right now. Don't waste any more time. Spend five minutes. Do it right now and let me know how you go. And I hope you enjoyed this episode and dive into some amazing ones that are coming up shortly. Cheers.