13. Be The Boss Of Habit

So it was a green cordial, just like the color of kryptonite. It was truly my kryptonite. Oh, man. I'm not sure what the serving sizes used to be. Maybe a centimeter, maybe less. I only rolled in inches back in those days when it came to cordial and sugar. Far out, man. I can't believe when I look back, the amount of cordial I had, that was my vice. That's what led me to being the monster that I became. And look, there are people bigger and smaller. There's always someone bigger and smaller. It's not about the actual weight, although I was 114, topped out at 114 kilos when I was 12 years of age. And it was pretty amazing to see that. And look, I grew up in a loving home, guys. Mom and dad were great. We ate really good food. Being Italians, we obviously ate pasta and bread and whatnot as well. And his dad could cook some. Mum was an amazing cook as well. And when we had the catch ups with the Italians, far out. Like 10 courses. And they weren't, you know, entrees and starters. Every course was like a main. Unbelievable. That's what led to me being an absolute glutton and a pig and a giant and really one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. G', day, everyone. Welcome to Real Dad Movement Podcast. You are talking to. Well, you're not talking. You're listening with Big Red, Big Al, who's talking to you. Hopefully not at you. Please don't take it that way. Welcome to what are we up To? I think it's episode 13. Far out. It's going quick. Amazing. Hope you guys are getting some good value and enjoying and enjoyed Pete's Company on Monday. What a weapon, that man. Very, very successful businessman, but far out. He's turned around in his own life. That's one of the great things and one of the great perspectives I have. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you're a movie star. That doesn't fly with me at all or make any difference to the love and belief and passion I have for helping people create a shift in their lives. And the fathers and the dads that I'm working with and helping, having that ripple effect, that little drop in the ocean which is becoming a tsunami, which will in fact have a huge impact on many, many people that I may never meet. They may never meet. But that's where we're at. Creating the change, being the change that you will see in this world. And What I want to talk about on this episode is being the boss of habit and coming back to that little fat boy, that fat kid who became progressively overweight from about eight years of age through to about probably 15, 16, still a bit overweight. I started weightlifting at 13. Dad had a heap load of weights. We had an awesome garage gym set up. Heaps of the boys used to come around, throw some, sit around. It was awesome. I could arm curls, bench press. That was about it. The good old days. We just had no idea. So I guess when I say I've trained for 21 years, it's probably the first four to five years of that was arm curls and bench press. Didn't help me with girls, didn't get me any more girlfriends. Being the large man that I was, the large boy that I was. And yeah, that was rough, man. That was rough. No girls liked me. I had a big complex then and I was always the friend, the friend cracker. But talking about being the boss of habit and before I dive into some of the things that really helped me turn that around and create new habits in my life, which ultimately changed my life because I definitely feel I was on that knife's edge. And when I say that, it's not to scare. And I don't use the term lightly or loosely, but there were many thoughts about hurting myself, some lightly, some heavy, with a point of no return. But touching on Pete's episode quickly on the Monday. That man's unbelievable when it comes to business and the powerhouse. And I'm not saying he's a broken man away from that, but we certainly helped remodel and reshape Pete's outlook on what's important to him, which came from a level of depression, inactivity, not being happy or satisfied with himself where he's at. And Pete's dropped over 20 kilos with us, put a few kilos of muscle back on and he's looking the goods and he'll continue to refine himself and we'll soon be on the calendar for dads. As a shredded man of steel, it was. What really struck me in that conversation with Pete was I got home, it's late, it's dark, it's, you know, we're heading into winter time. I didn't have any time, only at half an hour, so I just went for a quick 5k run. And that, that, my friends, that is the difference. Because life is choice. And he made and makes those choices. Now, Pete didn't start that way before he joined RDM and just rattling Off. I'll do a quick 5k run in the rain in the dark is something that is no easy feat by any means. Doesn't matter how fit you are. But that is who he's forging himself into. And when I say forging. We're not done yet. Pete's not done yet. Peter has no idea the plans that I have for him and what he's going to achieve. And what an exciting thing. And look, it's something that opens up to a level of vulnerability, of course, that I have, but it's active vulnerability because I truly do see people for what they can become. I don't see them as they currently are. I see them for the absolute pinnacle, the potential, that foresight, looking forth into the future, regardless of what your age is, of what someone can become. And if that doesn't come to fruition, it's not shame on me. It's a genuine love that I'll never lose. And it doesn't burn me if someone manipulates or takes advantage of that for their own gain in the short term, for the short gain. And shame on them, you've lucked out badly, big time, because you have no idea, when you run them with Big Red for the long haul, what we can achieve. And that's what I see with Pete. But it really does still surprise me when I do see things like that, because they're his words, not mine. His life, his story, not mine. And to be able to shift the habits from being depressed, grumpy, angry with your kids, being an older father looking at running 2 to 3ks max and then that's it, to now running 10 to 12ks, and he does 5k intervals, running a 5k when he's short on time. Those are the things that create the change in your life. Because life is a series of choices. But how do you make that choice? Consciously or not, you make it through habit. Be the boss of your habit and I'll talk about habit and how it all works in a few minutes, guys. But firstly, bringing that back to when I was at my peak mass, I guess you could say there were some bad habits. There were some really bad habits in my life and it was pretty amazing to see. And it's hard to remember. It is hard. We quickly forget. And that's a bit of what I tell the dads, those 1 percenters, those little shifts you make, you won't even know about them in two months, six months, six years time. It's just who you are, it just forms who you are. So it's hard for me sometimes to reminisce. I remember some of the trauma, the horrific stuff, but the motivation, the mindset side of things is like, what happened inside of you, Al? Like, you used to be this confident. I can do anything. Kid who was a soccer superstar and cricket superstar and what changed? And as much as I try to think about it, guys, as a 13 year old, very overweight boy, obese by some standards, I'm not who I am today as you are not who you were then matched to who you are today. And when I look at that, it's like, well, what did change? I didn't have this. Was it a defining moment? It wasn't. It wasn't. And I feel like an old soul. I feel like I've been here for thousands of years. And that's okay. That applies to some of the principles and values and outlooks that I have in life, which serve me. But as a kid, you don't know those things. For me, it was eating a heap load of food and drinking a shitload of that green cordial. Oh, man, keep it away, please. If you ever see me, don't give me any. It truly is my kryptonite. Unbelievable flavor. You'll never see a flavor like it. But I look back and tried to identify what created that shift out, like, what changed. And look, I didn't strip up overnight. My goal was to get over nine in the beep test. And I got that. Got 9.4 when I was 15, start of year 10. And that was when I really started to kick on as well, mind you, in different ways. But I was training for two years at that time and I lost the weight. I dropped down from, I think, Well, I was 114 when I was 12, but dropped down to around the low hundreds, so dropped a good 10 to 14 kilos at that stage when I started to get fit and running and dropped down, I think 87 or 88 kilos in my peak at the start of year 12. And then met Crin and then put it all on again as you do. Getting comfy. That's just jokes, baby. Lucky Corinne doesn't listen to this podcast. I'm in trouble if she does. But it wasn't a defining moment, guys. The point is it was habit. I changed my habits. I became the boss of habit. And I started with one thing. Because you're only ever one win away from making the right choice, the right decision. Getting ahead, getting in front, getting on top. You're only ever one choice, one decision, one opportunity, one stroke. Won anything. If you stay persistent and you keep getting after it. One victory away from really building that snowball effect, that steam train that will not stop. And for me it was simple. I cut the cordial out. And did I win straight away? No. I went back and forward, back and forward. Two things quickly that I knew I could implement. Start running, start moving. So I went down the old Local Soccer Field, St. Clair Soccer fields and started running around the soccer field until I didn't want to run anymore. Jesus. Really funny. Like as I share some of my life stories and stuff with you guys, I can start to relive it. And I remember it. We do have that capacity and far out. I remember that. And there was soccer players doing their training and mums and dads and all that around. All this monster fat boy running around, which I think from memories about 350 meters soccer field. When you run around, the lengths are 100, I think the widths may be 70, something like that. Maybe 340. So doing that and started with a couple of laps. But I used to always walk or jog down, walk or jog back. And it was about 1.5 ks down in the soccer fields from my house. So I used to do that. Far out. That's really bringing back some memories, guys. Pretty funny when I start just talking it and reliving it again but walking past the same route every single time. And I tried to do it every day, didn't do it every day. It's hard work. Habits are hard to create and hard to change. Hard to mold and morph into what serves us, what's important for us. With long and short sighted goals in mind. I just started doing that. Okay. And then a week went by. I didn't have any cordial. This is good. No more cordial, no more soft drink. Yeah. Up and down, up and down. Still had a bit of coke and I don't think Coke zero was around back then. Actually just had coke and the diet Coke was horrible. And started running more laps. Get a few more laps in three laps, four laps, five laps. And it's funny, I don't know why. When I was down there, it was almost like my meditation training and exercise truly is a form of meditation for me because no matter how much it looks like I'm dying and my ass is hanging out, because that is absolutely the truth. It's what's happening. It's just calm, peace, quiet in my head. You got this, Al. You can do it now. One more rep. You can do it. Do it for Your family, for your family. Actually I say that a lot guys when I'm competing and in that real high intensity I say just those words, family, Stella. Sometimes I say the girls names. Well, not really. Lillian. I haven't gotten that stage since she's been born. I'm not really training at that intensity yet. I'll get there. But it truly was just clear. Didn't care if people were staring at me, didn't care about that. Just run my laps, run my laps. Cut the cordial, cut the soft drink. Then it led into takeaway food. No more takeaway food. That includes McDonald's and fish and chips, all the takeaways, no more takeaway food. Started to on top with that. Remember, you're only ever one more step, one more win away from building that self discipline again and again and again and getting on top and getting that momentum. And I stood my ground, wasn't invincible, definitely had my temptations, but it was worth it to me. And I'll do another talk on something whether it's worth it to you or not. And literally those words worth it another time. But it was worth it to me to do it. To as primal as they may appear, not want to get bullied, not stand out the wrong way, have girls talk to me and talk to girls, have confidence, have belief in myself, feel good about myself, feel confident about who I am again. Believe in myself, believe. That is the greatest gift that I feel I can give everyone through power of perception. Power of perception and shifting your thoughts, emotions, feelings to raise the standard, to raise and break through the glass ceiling, to believe again. And that's what I wanted. That's what I'm so passionate about. That's what drives me. Even when I was playing footy and everything, trying to be an elite athlete, it was to prove it to myself, to beat myself. And I started doing it 8, 9, 10, 11 laps and it was amazing. This habit was being formed. They end up getting up to 20 laps, which I guess when you cover, excuse me, when you cover the, the distance plus getting there was nearly 10Ks. And that was a huge feat for me. And I was losing the weight, getting fit and that rolled into the areas of my loft. Started training more, doing more weights, more leg press, more cardio, started playing touch footy and it just steamrolled and it was crazy. It truly is how it happens. It's like you hear a couple of motivational speakers talk about the old Chinese bamboo tree that's in the ground for four years. And in the fifth year you don't see it, they keep watering it. Got to keep watering it, nurturing it, watering it. Water the seeds, water the plant under the ground. And in that fifth year, correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not sure, it's not exact, but it's absolutely true. On the scaling of it and the growth rate, I think a six week period, it grows like 20ft, something ridiculous like that might even be 60ft. It is truly astronomical. And it's like, well, did it really grow in that six week period, whatever that time period is in which it has that huge level of growth? Or was it the five years, the four years leading up into the fifth year and then coming into the end or halfway through the fifth year, it has that huge spurt. And that's what happens with habit, guys. And you may not feel it or notice it first, but that's what happens. And it snowballs. Like a lot of the dads in my group, a lot of them drink alcohol. That's fine. I've got nothing against alcohol. It doesn't really serve a purpose in my life in any way, shape or form. End of the day, I'm exhausted. I don't need things to help me relax or other different outlets, so to speak. And I say to the dads, like, everything's choice. I don't bring the whip down on our fathers. I give them a lot of freedom and flexibility, which is why RDM's amazing. It's phenomenal because the power's in their hands. The change is theirs, the transformation's theirs, not mine. But I help them see clearly and get a new set of eyes and shift the lens and scope in which they analyze what's important, what isn't. And I say that to the dads, you can drink alcohol, that's fine. But sooner or later there's going to be a shift, a change in you in which it won't serve its purpose. It won't be important to you anymore. It will be hindering you or pulling you back from something that you really want to achieve. And they'll drop it, they'll lose it, it won't be worth it to them anymore. It won't be important to them anymore. And in a grand scale, like without even focusing on what you can't have, showing them what they can have and helping dads fathers understand what they can have and what they can achieve, it cuts away the dead weight, the dead wood, the things that don't serve them anymore. And that's what I mean by scale. You truly scale your results. The Rewards, your progress, everything. But you got to work through the tough times first, guys. You got to work through some of the shit you do. Because habits can be hard, hard to break. You'll change and form them sometimes without even knowing. And there's three things that happen to culminate a habit. You've got the cue could be that time of day at work, colleague comes around, what time you get at home, when you wake up, when the alarm goes off, after your favorite TV show, before your favorite TV show, there are many different cues. You're not even aware of them, or you are, but in a jovial way. There's a cue and then there's the habit, the habit, routine, ritual, whatever it is that you're going to do. And then there's the perceived reward, because it's how you perceive it, it's what you believe it to be. There's very few absolutes in the world. It's a perceived reward. And then, for example, I get home, I put the kids to bed. That's the cue. Honey, let's have a wine. That's the habit, the perceived reward. It's our come down, it's our letdown, it's our form of relaxation. Now, the big thing with habits that you need to understand and be aware of is, yes, it may be believed to serve you in this present moment. But ask yourself that question. Not the next one, not the next one. But is this current habit, routine, ritual that I'm performing with the cue, with the reward that I believe I'm having right now, tomorrow, next week, next year, is that serving me for the many future present moments that I still have left in my life? 10, 15, 20, 25 years down the track, that's the key, guys, because what you're doing, and there is no tomorrow, you don't have to worry about tomorrow. But the future present moment hits us much quicker than we think. I mean, we're rolling through presence right now as we speak. Not literally presence. It was Corinne's birthday a few days ago. She got spoiled plenty. Mine's still a while off. But literally, the present moment that you're engaging with right now affects the next present moment and potentially, depending on the habit, many, many present moments after that. Now, when you look at it that way, it's not that hard to break this habit. Like, Pete didn't want to run 2-3ks, struggled, didn't believe. Was it the running, was it the belief? Or was it literally just putting one foot in front of the other and let's see what we've got. And then dialing in his nutrition, his recovery, his mobility, looking after his body, doing leg weights at the gym, trimming down, losing fat, having better things to serve him, his cognitive function, brain focus, mindset, all of that came together to form. Not Pete, when he achieved the 10k run, that was an awesome feat as well. But Pete, the man who gets home poor. It's dark, it's rainy, it's cold. I'm in Melbourne. Very cold in Melbourne. All right, quick 5k er like that. Have a look at that moment, have a look at that present moment, that choice, that decision, and ask yourself, think about this for yourself. Dads out there as well who are struggling. That kind of mindset, approach, outlook and choice. How do you think being like that would affect different areas of your life? How do you think that would play a role in decision making, interacting, engaging, being present with the kids, relationships with your wife, kicking ass at work, building your resilience, your persistence, getting on top, moving forward, never giving up. How do you think? Massive effect that would have a massive effect in different areas of your life. By literally having such a primal, simplistic nature and viewpoint of working the body, moving the body, nourishing the body, the things that truly, at our core, we are animals. Don't forget that. Excuse me. Truly at our core, make up a large portion of who we are, who we think and feel, what we think and how we feel. So you can change that. What's the perceived reward? Relaxing, come down, stressing, de stressing, all that sort of stuff. Well, okay, ask yourself the question. Cue's always the same. Kids go to bed. All right, well, what's the habit? Can we change the habit to still give the same perceived reward? Putting on some soft music, reading a book, talking with your wife, doing some meditation, having your own playlist with your music and audio audible book. Jotting down your reflection of the day and what you're grateful for. Reflection and gratitude. Past and future. Sorry, past and present for a better future. Reflection and gratitude. Reflection and gratitude. Planning the work tomorrow so you can work that plan and get on top and win. Like, I work very, very hard. Guys, I'm not going to be someone who's here who just Sundays, I do 18 hour days. What does that mean? Doesn't mean anything. Like, there's plenty of people that are 80 years old in the world who've wasted their life. I don't care how old you are, how many runs you've got on the board. In terms of days you spend on this earth, that means Nothing. But collectively, over the period of a day, I hook in. I don't hold back. Can I be better? Absolutely. Can we all be better? Absolutely. But I look, and I was having this conversation today with one of the dads. I have a look at my day and how much my ass is hanging out at times. And I'm ripping in and hooking in and doing things. You know what, When I really analyze it or if I really jot it out and plan it and journal it, I reckon I still fluff around for 40 to 60 minutes a day. And that's being, you know, that's being true and fair, like it. Not being modest, like I don't feel I'd waste any more time that. But I still feel that there's some downtime where I'm not completely capturing it. Maybe it's important, maybe it isn't. Maybe it stops me from burning out and going crazy. Who knows? The point is, though, excuse me, my voice is dying. Trifid's coming back to me. That was a big day. I think I'm only still recovering, nearly recovered from that. The point is, though, you can always make time. You can always create a shift. You can always find something in play that you can create for yourself to build in a new habit and be the boss. Be the boss of that habit. Be the boss of yourself. You're greater than your circumstances. You've been here longer than anything else that challenges you. Those things have come to pass, not be here forever, and neither will we. But we will always be here longer than those circumstances. So ask yourself, wrapping up with our final thoughts. Our final thoughts, looking at your life and areas of your life, and go, okay, well, what's the cue? Being aware, being present. What's the cue that I have in my life right now that forces or I feel forced or forms a habit that I'm doing and engaging with that gives me a perceived reward. Caffeine, coffee, stimulants, poor eating choices, not exercising, decision whether to exercise or not. Engaging in different environments, different relationships with work, stress, family, love, life, kids. What are the habits that I'm creating, the shifts, the choices that I'm making that are ultimately forming my character, my destiny, who I am to give me the perceived reward, which could be low level, could be superficial, could be at the cost of a relationship with my child as they get older, just for that quick reward, I'll just clean up all their toys and pick them up and smack on the bum or something, or put them in bed, or I'll just do it. What's the cost? Everything's purpose, guys, what is the cost? For me doing this perceived. Having this perceived reward from this habit and this cue, is it really serving me? And a lot of the time you don't have to have balance in your life to live a balanced life. And balance is an interpretive thing, could mean anything to you. An elite athlete that never wants to have kids and strives to be one of the best in the world, that's balance to their life. How dare someone else try and impose their opinion and viewpoint of what they feel balance should be? That's their life. Let them live it. But for you, what's your highest truth? What's important to you? What cuts through to your heart and speaks the most to you? That's not only going to serve you now, but serving future, present moments and do it. Don't overthink it. That's another great one I love from Pete. In our podcast on Monday, he mentioned that it's a great one. You got to go back and listen to it, guys. It was awesome. But don't overthink it. Like that little fat boy, I just cut me cordial, just started running. You're only one step away. You're only one win away from turning it all around. And that little fat boy became in 18 months, one step down from the highest form. Well, from first grade rugby league, I know you've got origin and international whatnot, but that wasn't something that people like. Who's Al. Who is this Alex Blythe? Because it's hard getting into those new teams. Who is this guy who's come out and just out of nowhere he's crushing or this, that and the other like that was not going from Samaria's C grade rugby league through to reserve grade for the Penrith panthers. That wasn't 18 months. That was seven years of habits. Seven years of doing the work, not overthinking it, being the boss, not always winning, but still bouncing back, overcoming adversities, building my resilience, not giving up. Like I went from that to running. Like from running around the park a bit and cutting out bad food. Still ate heaps of pasta and bread and gluten and dairy and all that stuff. Not that I'm saying that's bad, but obviously wasn't dialed into what's important to me and didn't nail it completely. But that's part of the journey process, right? Went from that to playing touch footy a couple of days a week, weights five to six days a week and Ah, it was huge. My activity levels were massive. Monstrous. Ate mom and dad out of house and home. I think dad used to do the groceries three times a week. It was probably about 1500 bucks a week in groceries. Gee, I was poor. Poor mum and dad. Far out. The point is, things take time. There's an organic process and there are processes that take time. But don't you dare take your own time by not taking action because it goes so quick and you do not have any guarantee. We do not know. There's no guarantee on how much you have left of that as well. So with our final thoughts in wrapping up, Guys, look at periods of your life. Look at areas of your life and ask yourselves, what are the habits? What are these? Are they good habits? Are they serving me? Not just now for whatever I feel they're serving. Helps me relax or wind down or feel good about myself, especially external stuff. Be careful on that. But is it really serving and helping me move forward the best way possible to be my greatest version? And you don't have to always think that deep and heavy. It's not about that. It's just literally cutting out the cordial and running around the park. Don't overthink it. Look at the areas of your life that you know you can improve and be honest with yourself. Be truthful with yourself and the habits you ever have in play and know that you can change them. It is possible. It can be done. Hope you enjoy this, guys. Be the boss of habit. It's yours. You own it. You are its controller, its master, and the dictator of the destiny that ultimately you will live through. The habits, the characters, the choices that we make and who we want to be in this life. If you ever need anything, guys, please jump on board. Flick me a quick email. Alexealdadmovement.com always here for you. Anything and everything you ever need, please let me know. Make sure you check out Facebook, Instagram, all the different platforms, guys. I'm rolling out different content on different pieces, keeping it nice and nice and unique and fresh in different ways. So I hope you find some good value in that and in this podcast. Don't forget, we've always got the podcast available on YouTube. The videos are there on our podcasting page and on itunes. Have a lovely day, night, weekend, weekday. Whenever you may be listening to this, guys. And if I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night. And as the great Chris Manariti once said, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Take care, guys. Appreciate your time. And I hope this helped you in some way, shape or form in your life moving forward. Be the boss of habit. You are the boss. To your life, to your world. I'm just living in it. See you guys.