136. The Judge, The Victim And The One

Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. The point and purpose of these episodes, as always, is to have a point and purpose towards helping you win the second half in life by building a path of becoming the best father, husband, man and member of your community that you can be. We do this with various ways of connecting. Life is connection. And as you hear these words spoken time and time again, know that the driving force of connection in life is energy. Which means that how you turn up as a father, as a husband, as a valued member of society will always start and end with how you turn up as a man within yourself first. This is why it's my mission, my purpose, our mission, our purpose through Real Dad Movement to inspire, motivate, educate and guide you into thoughts, feelings, actions and a change in your belief systems to rise up, cut the shit from your life and live and leave a real legacy. When dads win, everyone wins. And when you win, I win. Let's get moving forward, mate. Right here, right now. Just before we begin this episode, I want to give a big shout out to all the fathers out there hooking in on the daily to become the better version of themselves. You know, for yourself, for your family, for your children, all the moving parts that make life what it is. You are important. Your life matters. How you are seen to your children 5, 10, 15 years, that matters how you are seen in society. A lot of these different things, they all matter through the perception of others in areas you don't control, connected with the perception of yourself and what you do control. You will find the middle ground. I promise you that, mate, of who's loyal to you, who's by your side, who sees you as a leader, who you are leading. And most importantly, when we're talking about those closest to us, your children, your legacy, and how you turn up for them through turning up for yourself. On that note, I've created a free community that I really want to open up and extend an invitation to you. If you're listening to this or watching this type in HPF community on Facebook. It's a free group. Two things that'll never happen in this group. No dickheads. It's a dickhead free policy. So if we get any of those coming in, they're gone. And I'm never going to sell you anything and I never will inside of that community. Look, we do paid advertising. There are lots of different ways in which we create a connection from A to B on where you are now, where you can go. We are the solution. We are the only solution. It is unbelievable. What we do and how we actually keep improving what we do and building our team and building this movement. I'm very proud of it. Not an arrogant man, but incredibly confident man with high certainty because we deliver and we have the runs on the board. But ultimately this free HPF community is for you. It's for all the fathers out there who aren't members on the inside and for those who are and want to enjoy more value. Because inside of this I'm going to be diving into some intimate details and coaching sessions and exclusive coaching sessions that you won't see anywhere else, not even on these podcasts, not even on the inside of my group. And that's something that I'm going to be doing for men moving forward to close out 2021 with the right environment, the right stability to move into 2022 to take control again. So make sure you look that up. You know, we don't use Facebook and social media for our delivery system when it comes to coaching our ecosystem and our clients. But it does hold a good place for what we've created in the HPF community. For you to dive in, for us to have some conversations, create some great dialogue and really to see what's going through owl's mind. What's on Owl's mind? The raves, all the in betweens, the revelations, not the raves. Those days are well and truly over. With good reason too. Definitely not a part of who Ali's now. And it's there to provide more value for you. So make sure you check that out. Dive on in. Click click to join. You'll be accepted. Like I said, no selling. I'm not there to sell you on there and with respect, I don't need to. It's an amazing platform where it's, there's, there's no fuckwits dickhead free policy and it's. It's an amazing platform that we're going to continually give value for you to have the right tools to move forward on top of what we do here. Let's crack on into it. This episode's the Judge, the Victim and the One. There are three role playing characters inside of your life. Unfortunately for most men, most fathers, through the chaos, the whirlwind of life and being lethargic, run down, fatigued, not having the energy they should. It's actually really interesting just saying that a lot of people say that I talk too fast sometimes. Sorry. Side note, the brain's going left and right today. A lot of people say I talk too fast and I'VE had a few people on my ads at times say, oh, the script is all wrong, blah, blah, blah. And I can tell this man's reading from his script. I'm like, how, mate? I'm fucking looking at you. Do you see my eyes moving left and right? I'm not reading a teleprompter. Never have and never will. And that's something I'm proud of as well. If you're someone who's a leader in influencing someone and you need a script or you need a teleprompter to tell you what to say, you obviously haven't fucking lived and breathed the message long enough, have you? But on that, let's get back to our session episode. So when I talk fast, apologies for that, but ultimately, I'm not sorry. Your ears will catch up. It's because it's what I live and breathe all the time. And the people we work with, Father, middle age, moving into the second half in life. Not that we ever know really when that is. If I die at the age of 46, my second half started in my early 20s. But really, it's establishing a foundation of knowing and not accepting, but acknowledging. Yes, I am tired, I am fatigued. Yes, whirlwind and chaos of life has consumed me. Yes, I don't have time to really kick back and reflect and realize line where I want to go. And all of this leads to. And this is the hard part in my point before the side note about talking too quickly of creating this vicious cycle and actually not even knowing that you have three characters that play a crucial role inside of your life. And unfortunately for two of those, it becomes a very toxic environment internally and then externally of blame and shame. Blaming others, shaming yourself, holding onto shame. See, shame is really a representation of your connection to your identity, to past engagements and actions. That's. That's tough, man. You want to hold on to that forever. And when you're holding on to this shame, are you still that person? And if you are, that's okay. If you're happy with that and you accept it, which you're not, but you are happy because you haven't changed it, so you are. Then change it. And if you are happy, that's okay. But really, shame should not hold any place in any man's heart. I need you to know that, mate. You can't hold onto this stuff. It is dragging you down. It is the. I'm telling you right now, when I talk about the 1%, it's the difference between a good marriage and A great marriage. It's the difference between being a good man and a fucking great man. It's the difference between you moseying on through life like the breeze moving wherever the wind takes you and actually standing up and being a phenomenal man who looks inside of his life and says, I love you. I love you, Al. I mean, you don't need to say that. You can if you like, but that's what I say to myself. I love you, Al. I'm looking in the mirror going, you know, I appreciate you. I appreciate myself. I value myself. That 1%, man. That's the difference between you just drifting and floating through life, not having the identity and just being blase on the level with yourself and actually looking at yourself and going, you know what I love? I love myself. I value myself. This is the 1%. So you can't even, in a subliminal state or a subconscious state, drag that shit through the mud that is your life with the boulders that are shackled to your wrists, your neck, your throat where you can't breathe. You feel exhausted, you're just trying to get some oxygen. You're trying to have some peace in your life, some presence. You can't have that, man, if you're holding shame inside of yourself. Just like you can't reach for the greatness inside you, which becomes the actions that influence your children, your legacy, their legacy, and the world around you. If you're pointing the finger and always blaming, when you say yes to something, you are saying no to something else. I mean, that's one of the most powerful things. I mean, I've got a few different affirmations on my whiteboard here, but that's one of the most powerful things that I've ever realized. You're saying yes to something. You're saying no to something else. So when you're saying yes to being a victim and pointing the finger at others and being a victim which accepts the judgment you give yourself through shame, you're saying no to the great things you've done. You're saying no to the lessons that you can learn from those who've burnt you. You're saying no to the opportunities and possibility inside of your life should you open your eyes and look in a different direction and focus on something more important like yourself. See, this is the crazy part with life. When you're run down and lethargic and you don't have time and you don't have space, both of those equal. Peace, presence. Patience, man, patience. You don't know what to do. Who to turn to or how to get out of it. Which means the judge and the victim are ruling your life. They do not hold counsel inside of your final decisions. They influence you. Yes. They teach us. Absolutely. They show us. Definitely. Just to break that down a little bit and help you understand the definition of each. The judge is the little voice inside. It is the little voice inside the self sabotager, self saboteur, saboteur. The one who self sabotages to go, I am not good enough. I can't do this. And really what they're saying is, you're not good enough. You can't do this. The judge judgment. There you go. You fucked it up again. Are you going to fail this one as well? Just don't, don't worry about this. Just relax. Pulls you into a state of comfort and familiarity. There's a little bit of a blend in, a crossover between judge and victim. You could say there are two wings of the same bird, but the bird is ultimately the lesser version of you. The bird is not present. The bird is past and future. The bird doesn't have the power you do. You are the one. But when you don't recognize or realize, this is when you quickly shift from being your greatest asset to your greatest liability. Hard pill to swallow, man. Like when you're beating yourself up and talking shit about yourself and pulling yourself down without even knowing, it's even harder. Because what you're actually doing is accepting a standard on the level. That's just the standard. Now you're settling and you somehow justify to yourself that it's okay. But is that you? Is that the one calling the shots? Pulling the trigger? Most certainly not. The one is ever growing, ever evolving. That's who you are. You are. As a human being, we are driven for significance in life. And we are driven through meaning, purpose, fulfillment, legacy, contribution, achievement, reward, all as forms of symbolism off the back of the actions we take to grow as human beings throughout the various stages and cycles of our life. Like, are you really the same man you were when you were 20? When you were 10? When you were 5? Of course not. The question you need to ask yourself is, am I changing for the better or changing for the worse? Is there friction? Because now our kids are getting a little bit older, my wife is outgrowing me, and she's starting to engage in different areas, whether it's meditation, exercise, training, different environments, different friendship circles, different parts with her career. Is there something that's happening where she's being driven towards a high version of who she is? And I'M either A, dragging the chain, B, trying to pull her down, or C, using her as a marker to justify that I don't need to do it, she'll be right, she can do it. Or what is she doing? Because now she's growing into this next version. She's challenging me and she should just love me for who I am. I say this to my wife and, you know, I don't say it every day. Obviously, she, she holds our marriage very close to her heart and yes, it was a phenomenal day. But I do let her know sometimes when I'm challenging her naturally to grow and other times when we're just talking very calmly and relaxed, that I love her for who she continues to become. I don't love my wife, who I met when she was 15 years of age. Right now. Like she was 15, I was 17. Like, is that 15 year old version of Corinne that I met, is she going to raise three children? Is she strong enough for that? No way. She'd fall apart and come close. That would end very quickly. So when you've got this 17 year old version of al same, there's no way I could sit here and deliver this to you guys and be the leader that I am. No fucking way. Just like the elite athlete fringe, first grade rugby league, squats. Man, I would eat that guy alive. I didn't care if he was a little bit leaner than I am. Although I'm pretty fit and strong and in good shape. But I look at them like, man, I'd fucking destroy you. The Alex of two years ago. The Alex of 12 months ago. Go back. Go back to my first podcast episodes. You will see, you will feel and know the difference. This is what happens when we don't say yes to ourselves. Blame and shame. The judge judging ourselves, pulling ourselves down into a lesser version, which then flips the switch. Two wings of the same bird and becomes the victim. Excuse me. Blaming our wife, blaming our children, blaming the environment, blaming whatever the hell that's supposed to be going on right now. Mate, when have you invested in yourself, the one that's who you are? Yeah, when you're looking at these identities, the judge is the little voice inside. He's the one that is pointing the finger, telling you you're not good enough. Pulling you away, bringing you into a state of comfort, familiarity. You don't have to do this. You don't have to try. Everything will be all right. Just stay the same. The same will be all right. When everything else in your life is changing, how can you Stay the same. That makes no sense. And you're not. You're actually getting worse because you're stealing more time and energy to remain the version that you've already achieved and attained. What waste? What waste? So for a lot of you who get, I guess, the message and the picture that I'm addicted to growth, on the flip side, I fucking hate waste. And I can't stand it. With respect, I'll never judge you. I observe actions and I align with the actions that align to my ambitions. And not just professionally, personally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, maintaining good health, good shape, connection, relationships. I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't. When I accept the lower standard of actions and I immerse myself in that, I'm pulling myself away from the possibilities. I'm saying no to what's possible, yes to what is. And you are doing the same. Don't do that. That's the judge. That's not you. Then the victim is the one who accepts that they accept the judge's ruling, Right? You're right. I'm not good enough. So you actually start blaming yourself. The judge is a little chirpy voice in your ear. The victim is the one who accepts it as well as the one who doesn't take ownership. It's such a powerful thing, man. Please understand this. There's nothing more liberating and powerful than responsibility and taking ownership. It frees you more than you'd ever believe. It frees you so much, it gives you your power back. But you can't do that if you're the victim. You can't do that if you're the judge. You're out of alignment. You're off center, out of whack. You're not on point. You're not in the present. That's where you get your power back, man. That's where the One lives in the present. Doesn't mean you don't plan for the future. And you build a pathway. Of course you do. You don't do it with the judge and the victim. No way. Do not let them hold council inside of your heart and your head. Yes, they're important. Yes. You know what? They live inside of your palace. They are part of your life and with good reason, which we'll go into in a minute. The victim you must be cautious of. You know, someone cuts you off your driving, right? Like what? A big man? How big and tough are you? You've let someone you don't even know, who you may not even know, is aware that they've Cut you off, have absolute control and power and influence over your emotions and your reactions. Just like if I get someone, for example, in Western Australia, I'm in the east coast, who say, abuses me for one of my ads. Hey, you just let someone you don't even know influence and control your emotions. And not in a great way. You think it gives you control and power with your anger. How is that serving you? Because if you're doing that now to Al, who's on a video, he's here to serve fathers. Which I think if you follow me long enough, you'll get the picture and you'll get the point of where I align in a genuine nature where my energy is being expressed. You're letting that actually become toxic because of your previous patterns and your past history or trauma. Whether you're burnt with coaching or other things or that's just who you've chosen to be the victim is now the one wearing the crown. The palace has fallen to rubble and you're letting this person control you thousands of kilometers away. So what does that look like for the other areas of your life? Do you guys think it's a one off? Of course it's not. That means it's happening everywhere. Dangerous place to be. Don't be the victim. You must be the one. And the one is you. The man. The real man inside you. I'm not saying you're not a real man now. I'm saying the one that you know is in there, that is that leader. He is that titan. And he may turn up, but then he disappears. He may be consistent for three days, but then he falls apart for two more and then comes back and it's a cycle. Maybe three months, maybe three weeks. But he's there. You know he's there. You need to get him front and center more often than not, because he is the one. You are one level above the chaos, above the bullshit you are above. Like an eagle getting pecked at. Birds, noisy miners, Indian miners. Just goes higher, just keep going higher, higher, higher, higher altitude. You're one level above the chaos, the victim, the judge, the bullshit of life. Which means you can zoom out and zoom in in an instant. You can go at a soaring speed and hunt what is rightfully yours. And you can cruise and float and be the panda for your kids and the family and wear dresses and get your nails painted and the kids put makeup on your eyeballs, man. One of those things the kids had, I don't know what that was, but it certainly wasn't proper makeup because my Eyes were burning for two hours, so we threw it out right away. I got to put some eyeliner on you, Daddy. Okay. And my eyes are burning for two hours. I think. I think whatever company that was missed the mark. That's for sure. But then you can switch. I can switch, man. And we go hunt. Fucking game on. You have that inside of you. That's the one. That's control. That's being now present. Because you know where you stand. You know what energy you need to express to give and deliver the right purpose and experience for yourself and those that you love and care about. What a phenomenal place to be. Why would you not want to stay there? Which man would not want to live in that zone? Of course I do, Al. But how do I find it? Where is he? Where is the one? He's there. You all know he's there. The question is, why can't I see him? And this is what I'm talking about. When it's always the same message. Have the right environment around you. Invest in yourself. Build your energy up. Look after your health. We're living life through the body. And make sure you take time out for you. Stop the world. Slow everything down. Just be present. That's why creating space. That's why we call it that book. Reading, writing. You don't like the word journal, don't use it. Just write on a piece of paper, then throw it in the bin. But write something. Because when you write, you are slowing everything down. You cannot. It's impossible. You cannot write as fast as you think. Your thoughts are faster than the speed of light. Like, there's lots of various studies. 60 to 90,000 is probably the average or the sweet spot or the range. 60 to 90,000 thoughts a day, it's massive. So when we're looking at this or understanding that what we're doing is using tools, using environments, nature, going for a walk. Animals, Pets are amazing. Different environments that can nurture you to pull you back into the. Now. Breath. Work. Breathing. Focus on your breathing. Four seconds in through the nose, eight seconds out through the nose. Do it in the car before you walk through the house. 10 reps. What is that? 4, 8, 12 seconds. So what do we get? 5 reps. That's 2 minutes, man. 5 reps is a minute. 4 seconds in, 8 out. There's 12 times 5, that's 60 seconds. Bang. 10 reps. If you can't give yourself 2 minutes so you can give the kids what they deserve over the next two hours, you are a shadow of a man through your Actions, not through your identity, that can change, but through your actions. Absolutely. That's a weak play. Give yourself two minutes so you can give the family two hours they deserve. Because you know what? You deserve those two hours as well, mate. You deserve to be the king of the throne, to come in the household on the level, be one level above the chaos, and be there as the rock for the family. Because you are reinforcing who you are right now by investing in yourself, not who you're reacting to be. That's who the one is. You get there by slowing down, being present, stopping the world, kicking back and going, all right, where am I? Where am I at? How am I investing in myself? Is it training? Anything under 140 beats a minute, that's not too bad. Under 120, it could be light cardio, cruising, bodyweight movements. Put some nice music on. 432 Hz is great. Lines up with us pretty nicely. Good tunes. You can look that up in Spotify. Could be this podcast. Although I know sometimes I'm fiery. But it's not always about just relaxing. It's about giving back to yourself and getting a nice physical, chemical and emotional realignment. A lot of things I go through that we go through with Ken, our energy coach. When you do that, you are the one and you're finding him again, which means you're spending time as him, which means you're banking. You're banking minutes, minutes, then hours in your subconscious of who you actually really are, who you should be, who you choose to be. And I'll finish on this note, and I hope this has served you well. The victim and the judge must be part of your life. Don't ask the question. Don't take the shortcuts. Yes, we take the path of least resistance. The right path, but no shortcuts. The victim and the judge will always be with you. And they should, with good reason, because they are always showing you who not to be and telling you what not to do. You just gotta flip it, reframe it, get control back. You are the master. You are the commander in chief. Flip it around and go. Thank you, Little Voice, for showing me what not to do. Thank you for telling me to hit the snooze button. Now what I'm going to do is I'm actually going to get up with lots of energy and I'm going to put my shoes on and go for a walk. I'm going to do some journaling or play some music or cook brekkie for the family, because that's a nice surprise. So even though I'm giving to my wife, and yesterday I told myself that she doesn't deserve my love or attention, I'm doing it for me. Because I know that I'm the man, I'm the husband, I'm the king. So I'm doing it all for the family. And they're going to have an amazing breakfast this morning. And guess what? Even if they don't appreciate it, I feel better because I know I'm the one. I believe we all have more power than we'll ever recognize in this current state. I'm not too sure what happens next. I know energy can't be destroyed. This is not about. Well, I've got some nice crystals here from the family. They look pretty cool. The kids always play with them when they come to the office. But this is about connection with yourself. Regardless of whether you use a word like chakra meditation, it doesn't matter. And I say that with respect. It's not that I don't value it. Absolutely I do. But this is your journey, man. Like, we all have so much more power than we think. And I see that with guys on the inside all the time. They come in, they do their force method. This is where we're going, and then within three months, they want to redo it. I cut myself short, Al. I've got new goals. I've got bigger goals. Absolutely, you do. That's why you have the right environment. You must have that to challenge you to get out of your own way to grow. Because then you set a new baseline, which means when we die, when we're on our deathbed, we may kick back and go, geez, that was funny. I don't know why I didn't pull the trigger on that earlier. I didn't know. I didn't do this and that and that, and it's like, that's okay. That's part of life. But if you never pull the trigger on anything, you will be filled with regret. So if I live to be 90, awesome. I'm not going to be laying there going, oh, if only I started RDM in 20, you know, 2010 instead of 2012 or 2014 or 2018. It means nothing. You can't have that. If you're continually experiencing growth and growing, the rate and the heights change, and that's all right. But you are on the right path, and you have that. Please understand this, men. You do have that. You do have that power to set new baselines and to soar. You'll never have that. If you are accepting and choosing the path of the victim or the judge with blame and shame, you are the one. Don't ever forget that. And now, right now, take action from this podcast and be that. Be the one. 1,000 minutes a day. It's a lot. But when you're wasted on shit that doesn't serve you or move yourself or your family forward, you are bleeding the most valuable resource that you and I never get back. How much time do you think you have and how much quality do you think you've had? Don't be a fool like the masses, thinking you'll cheat the system or get round to it one day or worse. Just accepting life and sinking back into a slumber of regret. This is your moment, your time. You're cut from a different cloth. You have the hunger and desire to be more and less, live more. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. So stand up. Find the golden nuggets in this episode you just listened to and align immediate action with them and where you want to go. You are worthy. This is your life. You are the king and this is your kingdom. Now go and claim it by showing, not telling and be the real leader you and I both know you were born to be.