138. King Benjamin Returns

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You know, I enjoy. I'd love to have a beer, but that's it now, you know, like. Yeah, there's too much to do, mate. You know, life's so full. Yeah, that's crazy.

I feel like I'm looking at the real Ben Henry now.

Yeah, I reckon you are, mate. Hey, life's grousel. And if it wasn't one of you, you're fucking, you big blue, beautiful man. But we probably wouldn't be here. Like, I'd still be. I don't think I would have done anything stupid, but I wouldn't be in a real good place, like on drugs. I'd be still unhealthy. I'd probably be, you know, 10 or 15 kilos heavier again before when I started, you know, like. But now, like, with. I think I'm at 102, I reckon I've put on about 10 kilos of muscle. But I've got a V.

Yes.

I've been jealous of me boys for years. My boys have both got perfect bezel.

You know, and the genetics was there, mate. Yeah.

And take all the layers off and you can find it.

It'll inspire a lot of men. You know, it's not just the drug side of things, Ben, like, but so many are using all different things to escape life.

You do, mate, and you sedate. You sedate and, you know, it's a good word that you use quite regularly. It's a sedation. And then whether it's television, fucking technology, alcohol, drugs, fucking sex, whatever, you sedate yourself to get through life.

And.

And once you learn that you don't need sedation and you can, you can enjoy who you are and you can enjoy being yourself, like. And that's something I could never, ever did, mate, was enjoy fucking Ben Henry. And he's not a bad sort of fucking joker at the end of the day, you know, like.

Yeah, handsome devil too.

Oh, he is, mate. He is, actually.

Absolutely, absolutely. I think we'll start on that note, mate. This is for those listening to this or watching this, you know, I firstly want to, as I introduce our Amazing guest today, Mr. Ben Henry, who is a member for life. I just want to really paint a bit of a picture of, I guess, the pride that I have in seeing this man transform his life completely. Because this podcast has been a long time coming, hasn't it, Ben?

It has, mate. It has been part. I think I. I hid from you for a while too, Al. On the. On the thing of just, you know, the vulnerability side of thing. I've been, you know, worried to let out the story, thinking I was, you know, the only sort of bloke that was going through the issues that I.

Was going through, you know, and now you've owned that truth. It's actually the most empowering thing or one of the most empowering things I've ever seen, Ben. Like, it's. It's incredible, man. And those listening to this or watching this, strap yourselves in for what's going to be, I think, one of our best episodes ever, to be fair. Even if we go up to episode 5000. This is. This is. This is one that's close to my heart too, Ben, because when you came on board, and it's not that things have ever been shaky or have ever had a lack of belief in idm, but there was something about our phone call, and we'll go before this. I'm already getting emotional. There was something about our phone call. When I've been rejected, when I say rejected. I'd had consultations and guys had rejected themselves, but I've been taking that. What's wrong with me? How come guys don't want to join rdm? I don't get this. This is. This is changing people's lives. It's so important. Why don't these guys. What am I doing wrong? What am I? And when we had a consult, I was in my soon to be second child Lillian's bedroom in a shitty little desk and having his conversation and on the phone. And when we had this conversation, you actually inspired. I don't think I've ever shared this with you or anyone to be fair, you instilled and inspired a hope inside of me and not. Not because of the struggles or the pains that you had been through, because you said some of that, but not all of it. You didn't tell me at the time about some of the things that I'm sure we'll be able to share today. But the way that you spoke and saying. I feel like there's been a calling, Alan. I've been drawn to you and this is something that is just. It's meant to be and it's written. There was something very spiritual Benny about. And you know what? You meet people at different stage stages and different phases of your life. Some stay, some move on. It's not that it's a bad thing, but you came into my life just as much as I came into yours at a stage where I never doubted rdm. But like all of us, mate, we have. We have our moments and some moments can be long. And that was a long moment for me, man. Like, I was under the pump. There was pressure in all areas of life. I had fucking no money. Like, I'd put everything into RDM with no return, as well as my gym failing. So I still had that. And mate, what. What you what. What you may think or feel that I've given you, which we'll go through. For those listening to, this isn't a. This isn't a one hour tug session pulling each other off. But honestly, mate, like, for what you feel like I've given you, even though you might have felt like the volume's more than what I might have given you, I'm not sure what you gave me was that precision point right inside to go. You're doing the right thing, Al. Have a fucking look at this bloke and the conversation you just had and what you're going to do to help him help himself to change his life. And I thank you for that, man, I really do, because there's been. And every member is important. That's why we have our membership numbers and they're seed in history. No number will ever be repeated. But this, this was a. This is a really pivotal one for me, mate, which is why I guess I've. I've been really looking forward to this for a long time as well. So thank you first, Ben Henry, for answering the call.

Alex, mate. Well, we need you. Nearly bumped me too, because I actually had lent my phone to someone who'd had personal dramas that day when you actually initially called me.

And.

You must have called when he was on the Phone still and I'd missed your call and I ended up sending you a message that night to ask you to please forgive me. And it was a fuck up or, you know, it was a mistake, excuse the language, you know, and I shared my phone with a friend and, and I thought, oh, I've lost a chance here. Like he said, if you don't answer the call when you ring, well, you miss out because you're not committed. And he's always committed, mate. You know, like I was looking for something. Honestly, I was looking for something to save me. Alice, we both know back then. And anyway, thank God you had a big heart and you actually, yeah, you made me back that night and you were in Lian's room and. Yeah, mate, it was unbelievable that it was meant to be. They say it was a spiritual thing, that I thought I'd lost a chance and you proved to me that I hadn't. So you must have been looking for people, mate.

It's interesting how your intuition draws you into certain things because you're right, there's plenty of guys where I haven't given that second, not that second chance, but the energy hasn't been reciprocal. And when you reached out and sent me that message, I was like, let's, let's see, there's something here because he, he obviously wants to connect. And for a lot of you guys listening or watching this, we are going to dive back into everything. This is not only a recognition, recognition and appreciation for Benny, but it's absolutely going to inspire you men by sharing what he's been through, where he's come from, what happened before RDM and then what's happened since. And I guess I'd love to start with that, mate, and really peel the layers back. And what's going to inspire thousands of men because what a fucking turnaround you've had, man. Like, it inspires me, mate. And I've seen a lot of things.

Yeah, mate. Well, where do we want to start, mate? Like, we go back and I had a mother and father who both loved me, you know, there's no worries. They had a pretty good upbringing. It was pretty rough, but it was a good upbringing. They did the best that they could do and I respect them for that. I still throw little sticks at them now and say this is because of you, especially past things that have happened. Yeah, I went to school, played a lot of footy, cricket could have done so much better if I hadn't of. I suppose I never really wanted to do things, mate, because I only did things because my brother did it. I drank beer because Big Ken drank beer, you know, like. And I started taking drugs because someone else took drugs. And that had a flow on effect and sort of destroyed me life. Probably from late teens, I'd say alcohol and drugs, lived a normal life. I was married at 22 and had two beautiful boys, lame and Jai.

Who.

Have just built their first house together. Mate, they're bugging the girls. Bugger, you know, bugger everything else. They surface work and they've just built a house. So good luck to them and sorry, I might be emotional too because I miss them because since we've moved up here, it's been. It's pretty tough. I can't get back. Yeah. So besides that, yet had them young. Alcohol and drugs ruined the marriage. And I'm not saying it's regret, but it's probably one of the, if I do have regret, was stuffing everything up there, you know, in that relationship. Not being able to be a dad to my kids on an everyday basis, you know. And then after that I just went into a spiral. I continued to live and not a lot of people knew that I had a drug, drug habit and drug problem. I sort of kept that quiet. But it was a daily, daily thing and continued on, mate. Like, 10 years is a blur, you know, and it's so sad that I've lost that. And the only thing that kept me true was my boys, you know, and like whenever I had them, I'd straighten myself up and would, you know, always have fun and always get to the beach or get out in the bushfall driving or doing some fun things. And if it wasn't for those boys, I wouldn't be here today. Like I would have taken the easy road out. And so hopefully they don't listen to little buggers because to give them too much of a feather in their cap because they've kept me true and they've kept me here, mate. And the relationship that I've grown with them since rdm, man, they're like, they're my sons and I'm their father, you know, and it feels good to have that relationship. We're great mates, but there's still that line. Okay, so, yeah, so then we got to rdm, mate. I'd have a couple of relationships that had been terrible. I moved up to live with my brother around the country for a bit, just to go and get some clear space. And I think it was about that stage that I'd come clear with you and let you know that I'd just be I think I told you when I'd been off the drugs for about a month and told you you could let me go because I didn't think you'd want that in your, in your group.

And.

I needed to get into the group Owl. I needed something to be accountable to. And once I became accountable to the group, well then I, I needed to get, I knew to get off the drugs and, and get out of situations I was in. I needed, I need to get myself healthy, I need to get myself fit. So I joined and I think, I think it was the October or November. I joined in 2019 and come Christmas time I'm thinking, fuck, I just wasted a bit of money here. Even though you'd allowed me to help me out, let me pay it off, I'd given you a bit of money. I think fucking I've done me dough. I haven't even interacted with this group and haven't given it a chance. And I thought this is just a story of my life, you know, I wanted it so bad. But then fuck, Drew didn't move in and help me. Al's not moving to Melbourne to help me. I'm in strife here. Anyway. I freshened my head up even though I was still, still sedated and decided.

That.

We went to the Thousand Steps. And that was my turning point that day was to interact with the group. And I think it was getting the face to face contact with you blokes and seeing that yous were real and yous cared and actually gave a shit. But you also very loudly reiterated that you couldn't come and save me. And that was a hard pill to swallow because I was hoping someone could come and save me, mate. Because that's what that was where I was at mentally. And you wouldn't, mate. You wouldn't leave Green for me.

I'll tell you what, mate, I had the bags packed a few times in the car. Started it was when she found a little wallet sized photo of Ben Henry. Next it was just that and Stella and she was only young. She's like, where's. What's going on here? That's not me. You know what I remember the thousand steps, Benny and you struggled to go up 1,000 steps, which we both know right now is fuck all. Like you would sprint up that. But you know what I saw that day, apart from you stopping multiple times and cramping and kicking back and looking and there was some. I don't think there was shame by any means, but I think there was disappointment probably. But what I Saw in your eyes was a look of realization. I saw a look in your eyes, but it was a really interesting one because it was a realization which I had faith where it was going to go, but it was either going to one way or the other. The fucking lion, the king of the jungle, was going to come out and go, okay, it's time now. It's time to put the throne back on or to sit on the throne, put the crown back on, or go the other way and fall apart. And I didn't believe that was an opportunity or a possibility. Even though I told you we can't save you, we won't save you. It's fascinating how, oh man, every part of me fucking wanted to, Ben, but I cut. But we know no one wins there, right? It's life. But I guess just before that, mate, we can absolutely dive into some things moving forward from that point because that was a pivotal moment, I think for both of us that really reinforced my position not so much on how important I am, but how important all of you are to each other. The tribe is so powerful, man. Like, it's. It's the biggest energy source. It is the biggest source of energy inside of this movement and the message and the meaning behind it. It's not how well Al can speak in his ads and bloody, you know, landing pages or technology that's real men all over the country. But what led to you being in the position that you're in before you came on board? Like, was it a. It seems like there was almost a passive version or a peer pressure or was it. Was it a lack of an unknown identity or going with the flow or doing what others wanted? Like what. What led to you being so deep inside that man? Through even manhood and fatherhood, I allowed.

The drugs to take over my life and which I had no self respect, even though I was a member of the community. I went to work every day. I still ate meals. I was not your normal drug addict, but I was, I don't want to say drug addict because I was a drug user, because I'm not a drug addict now. You can put drugs in front of me, mate, and I could sit there and look at them all day and wouldn't bother me, whereas a drug addict would have to have them. I think what led me there was the hurt that I'd caused myself in my marriage and not being able to say a full time father to my kids, that sort of broke me. I broke my own heart when I stuffed up and. And then I suppose I just didn't care. There was no care for me. And then I'd seen a few of your ads. And then my brother, who, him, and I had several fallings out in life. He shot me a link and he said, have a look at this bloke. He said, he sounds like he's all right. And I had a look at this, another look, and looked at your link.

And.

Everything you were saying was everything that I needed out. I needed to lose a few kilos. I needed to get a better mindset, to get me out of that hole.

Where I was.

Now, where I was. Not a good place, mate. I attempted suicide twice. Alone. Which I know it's a place that I'll never go back to again. Sorry, mate, just a bit. It's a hard place to be, but you can.

You can. There was.

It would have been too easy. Way too easy. And staying here and dealing with demons that I had inside was the hard one.

And.

Yeah, and I needed someone to give me the fight to save myself. And you've done that. Like, you gave me the fight.

I will.

Because you believed in me.

You didn't even fucking.

You know, you didn't know me, but you believed in me. It's amazing how someone else's reassurance of you can. Can help move you along. So, sorry, mate. I just lost my way a bit there.

Yeah, mate. It's a gift and a curse, Ben. You know, I think I got it from my mum because I've been burnt so many times with it. But I can't become a jaded man in life. I truly see, like I said before, this. This is the. You know, I'm looking at the real Ben Henry, but I don't know, mate. You know, it's not that I'm a clairvoyant. I do have great intuition, but my mum's a clairvoyant. But I absolutely see you for who you can become. And it doesn't mean that you're not enough. Now, you're exactly where you need to be right now to make a realization, to go from point, point A to point B. And, you know, mate, sometimes we need someone else to show us what we can't show ourselves. I've needed that too, man. And it's hard, isn't it? Because we don't go looking for trauma. And when I was living in my gym in 2017 for a period of time, and I completely. Everything inside of my life, my business, my body, not being the father I should have been either to Stella is like, man, you know, we don't go looking for those things, Ben. But sometimes we just look around and we're like, how the. Did I end up here? How did I. And look, some guys might not have stories as deep as that, but they might have chronically decreased their life 5% every year to the point where they're just 55 and it's like just falling in a heap. You don't know. I mean, there are plenty of broken men and they can't rebuild in their 50s. It's incredibly fucking hard. But I get it, man. Like, we don't go looking for trauma. Sometimes it is those points that. That help us actually turn around and we bounce. Like what you did. And it was a bit shaky, like the plane taking off for our first portion of the journey. But, yeah, man, we're in this together. Because, like I always say, I needed Ben Henry to win for me to be true. So I wasn't a liar as well, if you know what I mean, in terms of who I knew you could become. Yeah, That's the gift, isn't it?

Who can I become, Al? You got a little funny or what?

Oh, mate, that. That's the gift, man. People write themselves off. You've got no right doing that before the fact. And the fact. The fact is your last breath. So, yeah, man, that. We've already spoke about big things, you know, we haven't. And why can't they. Of course they can. Thank the RDM ranch. Yeah, the caretaker on the rdm. But. But no, it's. It's true, mate. You. You continually surprise yourself, but over time, you don't become surprised because you see it as a natural transcendence in life. And that's. That's very impressive to see, mate.

Yeah, and as it is, it's a good feeling too, mate, like with training and here I am at 45, mate, I. I used to hate running when I was 16, 17, when I was fit, and haven't done it since then. And here I am now, running three and a half Ks in 20 minutes. You know, like feeling great and doing it four times a week, training two or three times a week as well, getting fit and healthy, enjoying life. Like, I never thought I'd enjoy life. I used to think enjoying life was smoking a crackpot, get drinking cans. And I do not have any association with any of those people because none of them were ever friends. You know, they were just acquaintances who you thought were friends and just. They'd rob you and steal from you as quick as look at you. Yeah, but I've I've, I've, I've, I've earned and created some friendships in this group, mate, that I'll, I'll take to my grave. Like, even if, you know, if RDM was to stop tomorrow, like, I'd still be friends with these people, but I don't think these people that I'm talking about and myself now would allow that to happen. Anyway, RDM's going nowhere, HPF now, so we've got close.

RDM's our big, our big global movement. HPF is the program we continually upgrade. I love having you in there because a lot of your feedback, your insights has helped us evolve this to make it so specific. So you guys continually perform. I mean, have a look at how you, you are an athlete, mate. You know, yes, we've got our own apps and all that sort of stuff, but Ben Henry is an athlete, man. You're talking about your training and then you post some videos when you, when you were doing your sessions before hitting the bag and other moving parts that, like you said, make it a part of your life, your lifestyle. And it's interesting though, mate, I'm curious what. Because it can come in many different forms and shapes, the lack of self respect. Why do you think a lot of fathers tend to go down that road as they get older through their 30s and 40s? Is it the business of life and all the plates they carry or why do you think. And sometimes I don't realize that, hey, like if I looked at a man down the street who, who wasn't happy, but I said, you don't love yourself. A lot of them might be like, I don't know what you're talking about, but that's, that's what I see as the universal flaw, Benny, that so many men don't actually give to themselves first so, so they can give to others.

It's a massive problem, mate. And it is, I think it's just the noise of life out. The noise of life takes over and you forget to, you forget to sit down and remind yourself that you've done ten good things today. Getting out of bed in the morning and giving yourself a good substantial feed in the morning and a good drink of water to hydrate yourself. That's a win because you've got to get out of bed and you've got to get up and you've got to feed yourself. So many people don't, as you say, don't give themselves any credit. And with the whirlwind of life you try and give to everyone else, you Try and do things for people that you wonder, you wonder if you ever get anything back for the things you do. And quite often you won't. But if you're expecting things back, that's when you start to lose self respect. If you get up and do something and you expect something back, you then resent that person. And by resenting someone, I feel you start to grow. You lose self respect by resenting somebody else because you can't choose what they think and what they choose to do. So that creates such a huge spiral down for so many men because they try and do so much. They try and do everything for their, for their other halves, they try and do everything for their children and they don't do anything for themselves. When I first started doing all this, I started, fuck, I am being a bit selfish, but hang on, no I'm not because I'm only spending half an hour on myself. I'm giving four or five hours to the others around me. So how can that be selfish? And if you look at it in those ways, like a little bit of time for yourself creates a massive window of how you turn out to be because you respect yourself and appreciate yourself, you know, every day. And I give myself a thumbs up out. I used to look in the mirror like you used to look in the mirror mate, and spit on the thing. Because I was disgusted at the person I was, you know, and clouded because I just think, what are you doing? You know, and now look down now and see if bloke I like to look at. Not as good looking as you, but I like to look at myself still.

Well, it's funny you mentioned that. I've got a picture of you on my mirror in my bathroom. And I give you a thumbs up as well, mate. You're getting two thumbs up every morning, Ben, you bastard. Well earned, well earned. By the way, what you said then, so true though, man. We do hidden deals under the table because we don't actually reinforce a love for self first gone. We actually don't. It's not. I don't need you to justify who I am. It's not like that. It's not a defense mechanism, put a wall up. It's just going want to appreciate me and spend time on me. It's that formula I did the other day with Ken. If you got a couple of hours even to yourself every day and you're 40, you've only got five years left of actually time for you. One to one, when you break that down, a couple of hours a day, thousand hours A year. Okay, convert that into 40 years, bring it back into days. 1800. Bring that back into years. Five years. So you guys listening to this, all 40 years of age went through this with Ken on Tuesday. You've got five years left of just your life for you. And that's assuming you live to be 82. But Amesbury, one of our members, this is a breakthrough we had. When we're talking about what you said then. I've got it here. People pleasing what we often think it means. 50% kindness to others, 50% close relationships. What it really means, self abandonment, emotional and mental fatigue, unequal relationships and keeping yourself small. That's what it is. Fucking people pleasing, man. The whole nice guys finish last. It's completely wrong. Like we are nice guys, right? But you don't have the frame and steel to go. This is why I'm what's important for me, what I'm going to do for my life without the connotation of society and other people pushing on us that we're selfish. When you have that, mate, that's. That's when you're really building truth and relationships and depth first and foremost with yourself. I totally agree what you're saying there, mate.

Yeah, well, mate, just before I got on here today, I had a job interview and I stood there and spoke to this bloke. He was a lovely fellow. He actually came to see me because he's chased me for a couple of weeks trying to get me to go.

And work with him. And.

I stood there and said, well, listen here, mate, this is, this is what I'm worth. I've never ever said those words, this is what I'm worth and this is what I deserve.

And.

He was a bit shocked and he goes, I take my hat off to you. He goes, you're not asking. He said, you're telling me, you're telling me what you deserve. I said, I'm not trying to show Bob I'm not better than you, I'm not better than anyone else. But this is just, that's what I deserve, mate. I've been doing it for this many years. If you want me, that's what it's.

Going to cost you.

I'm not asking for a million dollars. And just that ding before, he just sent me an email, letter of offer and I think there's everything on there that.

I want.

So once you get a bit of self respect, mate, you do. You go a long way by getting what you are worth. And if, if you're not worth anything, you might as well, be back where I was two years ago.

It's incredible, man. And it's. It really is that whole, you know, people talk about Law of Attraction, it's actually you, you creating. We're creators, Ben. Like you are creating and manifesting your reality, which may not have been four months ago. Hey, I'm going to do this on this day and get this job. It doesn't work that way. This is who I turn up as and this is the energy I'm going to express right now, which creates the opportunity, man, people. And that's hard because you can't see it at times, but when it presents, you're prepared because that's who you are.

And you've got it. You've got to just my saying, mate, you know, you just got to turn up every day, be consistent, be yourself, do what you say you're going to do. And that's a pretty easy fucking formula to get success. As I say, you look where I've come from in the last 12 months, mate. You know, the relationship I've grown now with Sam, moved to Queensland, man. I mean, I thought I was going to be single. I'd resigned myself to living in my auntie's house there where I was on the farm for the rest of my life and being a bachelor, you know, but with now I'm on the Gold Coast, I should have put me white sunnies on. I've got the white sunnies for the Gold coast, you know, I'm looking after myself. I've got a tan, I've got a good shape, you know, I'm feeling great now. Nothing can stop me. So watch this space, you know, and I want to, you know, move on in time once I create a space, mate, you know, you create space for so many things, but then you always find time for a bit more space. So I'm at that time now. I just need to find a bit more space. So I start investing a bit more in myself to get to where I want to go next, you know, and that is to getting, you know, getting in, doing a bit of mindset, coaching and, and helping out some other blokes and just being an ear, a mentor for other dads who think that there's no other opportunity or there's no other avenue to go because, fuck, man, there's a whole world out there. You gotta take the blinkers off and stop doubting yourself. Absolutely is another massive killer in men.

It's hard, isn't it? That little voice inside, you know, and we all have him, but it's like he's on a microphone screaming for the best of us, let alone the rest of us at times when we don't have a support group. The right coaching environment, accountability, the right runs on the board. You know the reason why you've got a level of certainty now, Ben, is because it's action you're fucking taken, mate. It's not just an illusion of, yeah, this, this and that, but doesn't marry up with the outside world. You're living proof of actions that have been backed with, with certainty and control of life again, because you're heading in the right direction. And like you said before, not like, if you can't love or respect yourself, how could you expect any, anyone else to. At the level that's going to bring homeostasis and fulfillment to who you are as a father, as a man, as a member of community, society, or as a husband for guys or a partner. How can it work? Because they see that, they can feel that. Like they could. They could feel like if I'm moping around the house or doing something that is just bringing me into a shell of a man inside of myself, my children won't respond to that. They would like that at all. They care first. And then there'd be a bit of nurturing. They'd be like, oh, you see it in animals environments, mate. You know, whether it's packs or different things, it's. There's an isolation. This is not a wholesome environment of energy that's going to move the rest of us forward.

100%, mate, 100%. And yeah, I like the way you put that actually, because you do like success breeds success. And if you're going the other way and shit people breed shit people. Productive environment, mate. You know, kids, if you're walking around, moping around, you look around, in 3 days time your kid will be walking around mocking you, moping around. You think, what's fucking wrong with them? Well, what's wrong with you?

Yeah, they, they follow so much, man. Like when I train in the gym, little Roman, he just wants to push the barbell and tries to pick up the little plate because I pick up the big plate and just do like some shoulder stuff and mobility and he picks up little plate and starts throwing it. I'm like, man, this guy is just like, he's banging on the door, wanting to come out when he hears the music going or hears the plates hitting the ground. And it's just, they have Miguels come out too. It's not just him, it's Just so, so funny. They got their little dumbbells and you're right, mate. Monkey see, monkey do. And it becomes a chronic seed that's planted. Doesn't need to be, mate. Because different triggers create stories inside of our life that we make truths when they never were in the first place. And you didn't even plant that. It was planted inside for you, but you accepted it. People, places, things, right, like you said, your environment, drugs, technology, tv, sedation, distraction. Other people who are toxic, they want to bring you down to their level so they feel better about themselves.

There's so many of those people in this world that are prepared to do that to people. And if you're a bit vulnerable and like I was, mate, you know, I was vulnerable because I was in the situation I was in. You know, sometimes I needed a job and you know, take any job that was there. So you'd be working for people and they knew you fucking needed the job. So they would belittle you, they'd make you feel worthless. And you look back now and you go, that's why they've gone bankrupt, that's.

Why they've gone broke.

Because the universe has got them for me, because they're nasty people and they're everywhere if you allow them. And I'm not prepared to allow people to do that to me anymore. Because you've grown that worth.

Look, there are times when situations get put right in front of our face, Benny. But honestly, like I said, this has been a phenomenal year and I feel blessed to be able to still serve and help fathers, given the conditions. But a lot of the. It's not that I don't believe or accept the conditions, but I refuse to allow it. The energy and time so many people give it. Now I get that certain areas, people are right under the pump with, you know, what's being pushed, whether it's mainstream media, government, all sort of stuff. But for me, yeah, I do feel blessed in that respect. And majority of what we do is online. But fuck, mate, I want to be up there doing events with you. I want to be down in Victoria. So I haven't been able to travel. I wanted to do our first trip in Wa. Kosciuszko has been pushed back to January. Like it's been affecting loss. I want to run four events a year, just a big haymaker. How about we have good catch ups in each state. So yes, of course it's affecting me. But like you said, if you don't expose yourself to the environment, mentally, emotionally and physically, to different ones Technology is one prime example of lots of environments, lots of exposure with different agendas that don't have your best interest at heart. If you don't do that, you can focus on the most important things in your life and yourself. If you do do that, you get lost in the whirlwind of life. You don't even know who you are anymore. You get told who you are or who you should be.

100%, mate. 100%. So that's one of the biggest things I've got rid of too, mate, is I've still got it. I haven't got rid of it completely, but Facebook probably look at it once a week and that'd be. That'd be generous. The only really thing that I dive into now is our workplace. You know, the darn thing of. I've had to turn notifications down because the thing goes ding, ding, ding 247 on that group of ours. But that isn't the right environment to be. If I wasn't in that environment, you know, this environment of support and love, mate, that we've got here. It's unbelievable to say that word love, you know, to blokes. I might, you know, said to you several times, you know, I love you because you know, what you do, who you are, not just because, you know, you're the leader of the tribe, but I resonate very much with you, mate. You know, you've had some trauma in your life that, you know, even though I'm much older than you, you bounced from it much quicker than me. You know, you much more resilient a lot earlier than I was, you know, because, you know, I had a lot of trauma myself, mate, but I thought.

You were drinking Jim Beam then for.

A second, mate.

I might have thought it's time to celebrate. We haven't. We've been meaning this podcast for a while, so in your honor, I'll send one back at that, mate. I haven't had a drink. I haven't had a drink for a while, actually. I've been years. Maybe a little bit of a cider that Corinne might have had. But, yeah, it's. It's. It's hard, isn't it? The trauma that we face. I. I feel a lot of the resilience that I've come of late to be able to continually show with new challenges in looking after the tribe in family, three young kids, all that sort of stuff. I went through a lot of trauma earlier in life, but that resilience, it gets shown through, like you said, the energy of the Group, the tribe. It's. It's how you keep turning up, man. I do. And again, the tribe isn't here to save you or even me. But it just keeps shouting, keep turning up. Yeah, keep turning up the wristbands. Although mine's. Well, I just trained so I'm not having mine on, but I wear it every day. Yeah, man, like it's gold, you know. It really is, you know, I'll take it off, mate.

So you can see I wear it. Look at the tan.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, the old wrist head. Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's, it's fascinating when you expose yourself to those sorts of environments, they, they do lift you and, and keep you on, on a good path, mate.

It's the right environment. Yeah, I never used to think anything about that, you know, but I look at the environment that I kept and that was where I was, mate, you know. And I don't begrudge anyone for doing drugs or anyone for drinking or smoking or doing any of those things that I used to do because everyone's got a story and everyone's got a reason for doing what they're doing now. If it wasn't, it's not a good thing to say, but if it wasn't for drugs, I'll probably wouldn't have got here because the little voice probably would have beaten me in those times that I was at a low point. But the drugs allowed everything to be numb, you know. And that environment kept me going until I found where I needed to go. You know, I'm not, not singing hallelujah or Praise the Lord. You know, we don't hold hands and sing Kumbaya even though I know you want to. And it's genuine, mate, genuine men just getting together and just, you know, we catch up up here. We've, you know, been blessed to be up in Queensland. We can get out and do things and I'm blessed. I got Matty and Adrian mainly. Like they're the boys, they're the go getters up here. They're organizing everything for us and we're getting out and about. I said fucking no point me organising anything. So I don't know where anything is up here, but you get that the right environment, it's just, ah, let's say the tribe that we've got, if anyone, yeah, that's listening to this, they need to just have a look at the tribe for a day and just see the support that you get with.

No.

You could turn convicted criminals, I reckon.

Alan. Ya. It's it's too hard to market man. Like I can't keep up with the screenshots like I do. So I do take them like I take screenshots and for different privacy reasons I remove last names. But I get a shitload of screenshots every day, man. Like even in the Rise to win war cry first thing in the morning, you know, so it's I will build something. I mean I've started to try and show some behind the scenes stuff but you're right mate, it's very valuable. But I guess moving into that note like a bit of a slow start, had the realization thousand steps and then moving forward to where we are right here and now. 16th of September 2021. What's been the biggest breakthroughs or takeaways? I know you've spoken about how this is transforming life but how's RDM played a role in that as a whole? For you to be here right now, what's changed the most for you? What's reinforced mentally, physically, how's it all come together for you and then where are we going? What's next?

Well, I think having the accountability, having support and I suppose once I grew a bit of self belief in the group, in myself. Sorry. And I put it on display, you know, I put on display to the tribe and then I suppose I didn't want to, I didn't want to let myself down by not continuing to turn up because I do, I do share my philosophies in the group and you know, you got to practice what you preach and I think that that's, that's what the group's taught me is if, if I'm going to open my mouth I've got to turn around and do what I say. I'm going to do this giving me that accountability to myself, you know, it doesn't matter. So I suppose it's up to anybody if I don't do what I don't say I'm going to do. But because I've grown that accountability to myself, it does matter and myself, my self beliefs have made me keep pushing forward there. And I think the growth of the group, mate, and I suppose you showed so much faith in me to get me going. I don't want to let you down. I want to, you know, I was one of the early, earlier blokes getting going and I'm, you know, there's a lot of blokes that have dropped off. I don't let you down. You know, I want to, I want to help you market rdm. And hpf, mate, because I. I know what change it's made for me in my life. How has it done it? I think the. How is the accountability? It really is because I say you haven't done anything for me as such, but you've given me tools for me to use to better myself. Where in the future caretaker of the RDM ranch. I don't have to paint that roof in that buddy. In that office now, mate. You've already done that.

Two coats. I did two coats, mate. You'd be proud of me. I didn't want him, but I thought I better. He's going to see the ceiling one day.

I was going to stop on the way up here, but I was too scared of COVID.

Yeah. So the ranch. The ranch will be. Will be real, man. It'll be a. It'll be an incredible. I don't think it'll be a pivot by any means. I love what we do, but I think it's just going to be a valuable add on that may become a core part of us. So even though this is the core, it could definitely work hand in hand. Well, you know what? Let's get fathers, maybe sometimes fathers and families, but let's get fathers off the grid, reconnecting with themselves, stopping the greatest change that happens. Benny, as you well know, being on the inside with us, and for you guys, listening or watching, it's when you just stop the world and live in the now. That doesn't mean you do it every single, every single minute of every single day. Like we're not leopards laying out under the sun in Africa or children just running around mindlessly for six hours out in the backyard, not a care in the world. There are different responsibilities and duties and obligations. Foresight, vision can be a powerful thing. But it's when you just stop. The whole world slow down, bring it back to center, which is now there's a sense of calm and peace again for the man. Better. Like you said, the noise of life. I really like how you coined that, actually, because that's what it is. When the kids are too noisy or they're jumping all over me, which I do love, but at times when it's not great, or if it's early morning, and when my sensory perception, so my eyes, my ears, my body, you know, when they're all getting like, pushed into overdrive coupled with mental stress. The noise of life, man, like it's buckling. This is what we want to do. Let's bring men into our sanctuary and have this, the place to go, look, this is your follow up to start untying some of those knots. This is you following through. Let's start untying some of those knots that you've probably tied up for years. But the way that we work is we're going to help you untie them in a great way quicker than what you did doing them, but in a way that's going to be sustainable to carry you through. And mate. I think they're not best spot there for Mr. Henry on the ranch.

You know what you're saying just there, Val, you know, you're saying with your senses and stuff like that, with the kids jumping over you and, and if there wasn't that outside noise in life, those little things wouldn't, wouldn't affect you. You know, like, and it's the, and this is it. That's why I say the outside because you got your inner, inner sanctum which you know for you, you got your family and you're innocent and you can usually handle even though sometimes you do want to struggle. That's the outside noise. I've got to do the things that are pressuring you, the deadlines, the other things that create you, that lower level of temper or however trying to think of the word, a lower level of way you can deal with things, you.

Know, and that's where I do. Like, like when you talk about, see when you talk about accountability, I see it as, and I've always, I think I've always said this, there's two types and funnily enough, you're right, they're both actually you. But the first type is accountability to yourself, but the second type is accountability to yourself through someone else. Yeah, so you're accountable to our. Yeah, sure. Well, actually you're accountable to yourself. So you do it for yourself, for yourself through doing it for your family. You do it for yourself through doing it for the tribe. And that's what I love about it. It's like we are simply a vessel for Ben Henry to channel through some time and energy which is his investment back into himself. So in the future, the future Ben Henry can have better quality time and energy. It's a very simple formula, man. Like that's like when we look at that, that's what it is. But you know, it's, it's, it's something very few men get to experience which, which is it's life. We get that it's hard, but the reason why they don't is because they don't take that step. You know, you've stepped into an unknown. You've made it a known like I'm.

Completely a big unknown, mate. You know?

Yeah.

You know, when I first, when I first looked at it, I suppose the biggest thing for me is when I rang, I was lucky enough, you know, I spoke to you, you know, like, fuck, that's the same buckets on the telly, you know, I'm not, not talking to a call center in Japan, you know.

That's true though. Yeah. There's so much noise and out there, mate. Like, it's, you know, and I get that on some of my ads. Snake oil, this and that and that. And it's. I don't, I don't get triggered from that stuff. I used to, but probably the last 12 months, I'm just so certain in what we do and know what we do. And that's why I love the tribe because we've got so many runs of the board and results of fellows like yourself. It's like, ah, man, that's your trigger and your perception. Cool. That's your opinion, no worries. But how's that moving you forward in life? By. Instead of just passing through one of my ads, if you don't connect, you're stopping and then reading and then you're writing and, you know, it's pretty clear that I'm a real, real person. I'm not in a yacht off in the Bahamas sending emails. And I'm not a Nigerian prince, Ben. Sending you an email. Italian prince, mate.

That's why.

Bloody wogs. How many vows do they want in their last names? Ranieri. It's. It's awesome having you on, mate. I guess you know the point of these sessions and these episodes, which I haven't done one for a while with a member, but, man, I just feel feelings drive us in life, Ben. But then we reinforce with facts, but that doesn't mean feelings aren't important. And, and this is what I love. Like, I literally have had goosebumps three times in our session here and I just love it, man. It's. It's. This is real. This is. It's not. Reality TV isn't real. That's fucking bullshit. Like things you see on tv, unreal. Like sport to a degree is probably the realest thing you may get by watching it on television, but ultimately it's still not a reality of an entire lifespan. Because you see athletes on the pedestal and then their life turns to shit and they fall apart in the other carries their life and then they're nothing and nobody from 40 on for the next 40 years.

So you don't see them, hearing them or this.

This is real. You know, this is reality. And I really love this because it grounds and centers me to going, this is my world. You know, this is our world. You know, we're not here to try and change the lives of 2 billion dads. It's not about that. It's going. This is our message, is where we align when dads, when everyone wins. This is how we can move you forward in life. This is the process is there to help you value yourself again, help you build a legacy so when we're all dead, you're still living through your children. This is evolution. So the point of these is never as a call to action to say, hey, awesome story, Ben. Tell the guys to click on and sign up and give our money. Like, with respect. We did very well with our advertising. We have a great message and it's attractive. So we're not here to chase or push or pressure or sell anyone. But what I do love is in these circumstances, you offering some food for thought and advice. If there's a father listening to this or watching this Benny again doesn't mean, hey, give Al a call. I know that's what you probably want to say, but what's some advice you'd offer him? If he's in the pit, he's stuck. He's a bit run down. Like, what's something you could offer in your wisdom? Because you're living proof of change and transformation to help him get his wheels going again, Help him get in the right direction, mate, what are your thoughts? What would you say to him?

Don't ring. I'll ring Drew. And. Definitely, mate, if anyone is, you know, not sure about this or, or, you know, humming and harring, speak to the guys, like, because, you know, if you don't pick up the phone call and make a call, you can make your own choice then. And you've got to dive into it if you pick up the phone. And I suppose the biggest thing that I can say to anyone is change your environment and get into this group to change your environment, because it's not a cult. It's not, as you say, he's not a prince from Nigeria. It's real. And as the name states, Real Dad Movement, it's real blokes with real dramas that don't judge you. And I suppose when it has changed a life like it has with mine, and I don't think anything else could have changed life, I'd spoken to psychologists, I'd spoken to counselors and they helped, but they didn't save my life. And this is. This hasn't saved my life, I suppose, either, Albert. It has completely changed my life. It's given me tools to realize that for me to get any healthier, I had to eat better. So there's help with nutrition, there's help with your exercise, there's help with your mobility of your body, and there's a tribe of blokes around that support you. So if you've got a doubt, don't doubt it. Make the right choice and get on board. To anyone, I say, like, there's more than just blokes, you know, it's a pity you didn't have.

A more bigger.

Entourage, Al, because you can take women, you could take children, you know, older people, younger people. There's so many people that need what we're doing, mate.

Really couldn't agree more, man. When it comes to what I love is how this brings the needle back for fathers to center to go, hey, we've actually got something to help the man because he has been forgotten for decades. We can see that. Whether it's emotion, whether it's actions. Yeah, but, you know, I like the way you put that. And you know what, it's interesting when we talk about saving life, you don't want to save that old life. What we've done is we've helped Ben Henry create a new life. That's the thing. And I've never said that before, that's actually a revelation I just got from you there, man. I'm like saving lives. Well, you don't want to say it's a life you're not happy with. Let's that off. Let's actually shed the skin. Let's. Let's. Let's kill off the older version and create a new life. And we. I don't have anything against different types of coaches or counselors or soccer. When guys come on board, they've got us made for 365 days. That's a given. Like, you know, the next. What are you times at 6084 hours? I think it is. You're. You're in the family, you know, Game on.

That is a munchie here, mate. You. Do you feel like family? Like, you know that if you're in strife, you can pick up the phone and call any of the other blokes in the tribe or if someone's down or, you know, I've had times there when I've been a bit distant, had three or four phone calls, numerous messages. From. From members of the. Of the group checking up on me. You know, I've never had mates in my life do that, or I have, but not to the extent that I've had in this group that actually back for blokes who actually care, that you can actually tell them what's wrong, if there is something wrong, you know, and, you know, half of the blokes I grew up with, if I told them half, you know, a drama that I'd had, they'd think I was trying to pick them up or think I'd turn queer or something like that, mate, you know, because that was just the mentality they had. Whereas everyone here's got the same mentality. If they want to, they want to grow. And man, I've grown.

It's a very powerful word, I know, in terms of the psychology of performance coaches, life coaches, different people, they use that word, growth. But it is, it's part of our makeup, Ben. Like, as human beings, we are here to create and we are. I don't know if progressive is the word, but we're here to continually improve our circle. We're here to grow. Like deep down, your intuition, when you put that aside and keep using your brain to stay in a state of being a victim or fear being driven by that, you'll never grow. And you are either growing or dying. Not just at a physiological point of view, you know, I'm not going to be the athlete I was when I was 20, but also in terms of my energy, expression, leadership, and the ripple effect of impact and change for life. Completely different. I'd kill, kill that bloke in heartbeat, eat him alive. So the game keeps changing. But, yeah, growth, spot on. Couldn't agree more. And, you know, I appreciate you saying that sort of stuff too, Ben. I'm not here with an insecurity of those who aren't part of the group to think this is a guy who's just got a podcast and he's got a. He's got a program and he just wants money. We got a fuckload of free things. Take him, take it all. It's not, it's. It's. This is. This is the value, isn't it, Ben? It's actually the human connection. That's the time which some people don't understand when they want me to leave my family, my three children, to come and coach them for free. I don't quite understand that doesn't really make sense to me. But the guys on the inside, game on. They're in, you know, that I have bled and do bleed for you men because it's worth gives me a level of fulfillment that my wife and children can't give me. That's why we have family, self and service. Ben, there's a level of fulfillment and significance I'm getting with you right now that my children can't give me. It's a different type. My wife can't give me. It's a different type. I can't give myself. It's a different type. It's actually. It's connection.

It is.

It's been awesome having you on, mate, and I'm. I'm humbled to be part of your journey and just really relishing the opportunity to continually see who Ben Henry becomes in that next version. And it's awesome to be part of that, mate, and I thank you for it. But is there anything else that you wanted to share or add, mate, as we wrap this up? I hope you guys have enjoyed this as well. It's been very powerful.

No, just. Yeah, just. I love, love everyone in the group, mate. You know, yourself, Drew, a couple of coaches. I love where I am in life and I just. I just can't wait to see what I can create up. See where I can get, you know, because going from pushing up daisies, which what I was, you know, would have been doing now if I hadn't been on the old course. Sky's the limit. Sky's the limit. And yeah, I hope to be part of. Part of your life for a lot longer yet, mate.

That's right. Just come. Come hunting me down, mate, and wake up and I just have a big cuddle one day. There he is.

No, I'm not locked out. They come stalking you.

Don't worry. Yeah, we get a hello. Yeah, a couple of stalkers. Wonder if they're listening to this.

If they are, mate, I'll come and get them.

I've got my defense, my crew, security, security intel. Mr. Henry, awesome, awesome episode, mate. I really enjoyed doing this with you and thank you for giving your time and sharing your story. There's some pretty very raw things that you've opened up and shared, and that's even more of a bigger sign of how much you've, like I said before, transcended that version of who you were. And it's exciting, man. That's what makes life life. And life should be a gift and meaningful and have purpose. And you're the living embodiment of that, mate. So thank you.

No, thank you, mate. And I have. I've got purpose in life. Alan, I thank you for that.

You're a legend, mate. I hope you guys enjoyed this and I really did. This has really hit. Hit home for knowing that it's worth it to go through the hard times, but knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel when you don't go it alone, when you have the right people in your corner and when you do position yourself to. Yeah, to get out of your own way and go, you know what? Now's the time. It's actually. It's my life. I won't get this time back. I'm going to use it anyway. I may as well use it with something that's going to help me level up myself. Everyone else will win, of course. Your children, your wife, your work or business. Everything else will win. But when dads win, that's how we do it. Everyone wins. Thanks, Benny. We all win.

Thanks, Al. It's been great, mate.

And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message.

Cheers, mate.