140. The Viking & The Panda

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But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode Foreign the Viking and the Panda. What a title. What an episode I have in store for you men today as you listen through and cast away the old bullshit that nice guys finish last. Nice guys don't finish last. Those who don't have a sweet spot level of control between the two extremes of being the Viking in life and being the panda bear are the ones who ultimately lose out in life. And in this episode I really wanted to, I guess, peel back the layers a little bit more on what defines them. What is the Viking inside of you? And look, you can use any term, Viking warrior. That's what we're going to use, that's what I'm going to use. And the panda, Panda bear. Look, don't get me wrong, unless you haven't watched Kung Fu Panda, they can be brutal. Panda bears can demolish many things in their path if they wanted to. But it's the symbolism. When you think of a panda bear, you think of a big, soft, cuddly, placid, good nature, good temperament, relaxed on the level. This is why it's important to have not the pendulum swing both ways, but to have a sweet spot where you can ultimately draw on the different masks or the different hats that you need to wear to apply the right level of love and leadership, to focus in on what's needed for your experiences, your environment and a lot of the times the family unit. Now don't get me wrong, this absolutely will apply to you on a personal level. You can be the Viking to yourself or the pen to yourself, and sometimes you need to be both for yourself. But ultimately this is more of a reflective piece of how you are expressing yourself to others around you, the outside world, mainly those that you love and care about. And also mainly, really, your children, yes, your wife, for sure. Relationships, definitely, but your children for sure. I used to hear, look, take it from someone who was overweight, obese, heavily picked on, bullied. When I was younger, obviously no girls really liked me. I was always in the friend zone and all that sort of shit. And, you know, that stuff's important. I know we laugh about it, but have a look at the crazy changes that go hand in hand with adolescence and puberty. Becoming a teenager, moving through into adulthood, which is, to be fair, really your late twenties. I think from what I've seen, representation of leadership, control and really, responsibility. Mid to late 20s, when it's really starting to show of what you begin to carve out, doesn't mean you can't change before or after. But teenagers, man, there's a lot of crazy shit going on, isn't there? Especially with the hormones and whatnot. So it is important. Like the opposite sex, they're an integral part of our life. It's the other half of us, right? Whether you look at a yin and a yang or, you know, two sides of the same coin, the coin being life and masculine feminine energy, you know, that they're intertwined. So that was a hard thing for me, not having any girlfriends and no one really liking me and me being aesthetically unpopular and unattractive. Even though I loved sports and tried to get right into it all, it clearly wasn't a successful pathway between generally the ages of 8 and 16. And I just continuously had this thing in my head through high school that nice guys finish last. And you hear that, I know you all would have heard that term before. And, you know, you see some of the fuckwits that get the hot girls and all that sort of stuff. And what I didn't realize and I recognize now, which doesn't mean I say this tongue in cheek, Roman's going to be a weapon when he's old. And that doesn't mean, you know, when it comes to chicks, you know, in terms of his own expression of energy, he's going to be phenomenal. And he will learn. He'll learn his stripes. I'm not going to paint the entire picture for him. He's going to have a different experience. To me, I grew up in Western Sydney in Penrith, and, like, wasn't a ghetto, but I lived in Sinclair and it was a, you know, a stone's throw Away from Mount Druitt, which, look, there's some great loving people in there and there's some really tough circumstances and there's also some really volatile and dangerous circumstances. It's not that a demographic should ever be a place to lay judgment on someone, which is something that I was quite disappointed on the northern beaches. And again, I'm not making this as a blanket approach for everyone, but when I was living there for a period of time and I would share my upbringing where I came from, sometimes you get the one eyed look from probably I'd say at least 20% of people that I would engage with in Manly in the northern beaches. That was a little disappointing. Especially some of the more affluent areas. My wife worked in Greenwich in the primary school where behind some of the rich and famous and rich and wealthy closed doors. There was some pretty heavy things going on. But anyway, this is not an episode for that. Throwing stones and casting stones and hypocrisy is certainly rampant through life. But that's not what this episode is about. It's about really the Viking and the panda and this whole thing around the bad boys who would get the girls in high school. I look at it now, I'm like, man, it's so basic and simple. Like they walked the line, of course, well, you know, being a real wanker and having arrogance rule. But what was subtle under that was really an expression of self certainty, self confidence. And also I don't need you or I don't need you to validate who I am. That's an attractive thing. Like having someone who has that level of confidence and certainty is what we all want, right? Because it creates stability, it creates assuredness, it creates a level of really connection and also commitment. I know I can depend on that energy source. This is the thing, it's all energy. If you peel back the layers. And it's not that I'm looking at people and I see auras of green and blues and yellows, but it's literally energy. You can feel that. You can see that in the animal kingdom. Absolutely. Posture, presence, how they carry themselves, their eyes, their facial expressions and then the way that they engage. Whether it might not be words with animals like we articulate, but it could be sounds and roars and those sorts of things. It's absolutely true, man. Life is energy and we have an animalistic nature to us where we feed off that too. And we respond to that. Which is why the bad boys, so to speak, would get the girls. Because the girls see that. Like man, he doesn't need me and that. And then it creates some sort of hierarchical chain. I'm not saying it's you're above someone or better than anyone, but that is how sometimes a lot of guys would pull up, pull chicks and pick up chicks. You're creating this position where you are higher than them on the hierarchy, which means they would desire and need you and they would not have that level of validation inside of themselves or that worth or self value. Perfect example. On the other end of the extreme, I know we're talking about relationships and young love, right? Or you know, boyfriend and girlfriend. On the other end, people stay in abusive relationships because the abuse they cop is actually just that little bit higher and that little bit above the abuse that they feed themselves in their level of self worth. Think about it. And look, I'm not saying it's a right or wrong or it's someone's fault. It's hard. Like this is a pattern that a lot of victims fall into and it's very challenging, but ultimately that's what they're seeing. My husband beats me, but he only beats me once a month. Or you know, he doesn't mean it or he makes it up to me afterwards or that continual cycle is a woman who is saying that what I'm copying is a form of attention and a different level of love that I place value on. And that's definitely not love, but you know what I'm saying that I place value on that's a little bit higher than the value I place on myself. So I am worthy of that. I am worthless of myself, but worthy of that. And that is some level of connection. It's crazy, isn't it? And I know that was a very shorthanded approach and example, but one which I think is just as dangerous, if not worse. And a lot of you men listening to this would have been through this at some stage. Is the psychological trauma, the psychological abuse that men cop from women. That's fucking crazy, man. Like when I see some women and how they engage and behave with some men and some stories I've heard that shit's dangerous because it's unseen or unheard of across society. And look, this is not an episode as well about going the injustice in the world. We know there's lots of injustices as men that we face and we get the fucking short end of the stick a lot of the time. And the most dangerous person to be living as, not towards others but as yourself, is a middle aged white man in the modern world. Now I'm not saying that that's going to pre frame anything one way or the other of who deserves what more, who's worse, who's better off. But this is what we see, men. A lot of you may have experienced this too, where you've had a narcissist or a woman who has been absolutely toxic inside of your life. But it's a little bit harder to see, isn't it, when it's not all bruises and bumps. But the principles apply though, regardless of man to woman, woman to man, value, passive control. These are the different extremes which leads to you losing out. And I know this has been quite an extended introduction, but it's the truth. Nice guys don't finish last. I'm an incredibly nice guy. I'm one of the nicest guys you'll meet when you come into my world. When you enter my world and come into my frame and you threaten or you dictate or you try and change that. And my instincts, my insights, my skill set, my experience of life and working with so many people, my understanding, my social awareness, my intelligence of social awareness and self awareness creates a disalignment which doesn't equal growth, love and leadership. I will fuck you up. That doesn't mean in the physical sense, it means you are going to be gone. See you later, disconnected, or I'll put you in your place. I live an eggshell free life now. I'm going to protect that and I'm willing to protect that integrity. Because this integr is going to lead to an integral life of love and leadership, of values, of growth. Not of fear, anger, threats, destruction, manipulation. When that comes into my world, I'm an even nicer guy and I'll kill it with love. But sometimes, yes, I'll flex my muscles and show my teeth. Doesn't mean I want to. But what's the cost if you don't? So I'm a very nice guy and I'll tell you right now, I haven't finished last, not by a long shot. In fact, I'm winning and I'm winning in life. And I'm a nice guy. The panda and the Viking. This is the problem you face though. If you're too much of a panda bear, you're passive. You're too passive. Your missus walks all over you. You're a yes man. You're a fucking shell of a man. You've got no balls to stand up, no steel or framework to voice at a higher level what's important for you, what your rights should be towards you and. And what's important for your life so you can live happy and fulfilled and invest in yourself and be a true 100%. Not pointing fingers, not judging. Remember, these are two cardinal rules. Some may take it that way. That's okay. If you're triggered, stay here, listen for a little bit longer. It's an observation of actions, what I just said. Then men tell me that's how they feel. I'm not saying that's who you are. I'm not living your life. I'm merely reflecting what men tell me when they become too much of a pander in life and they're too passive. Nice guys don't finish last. Passive guys finish last. Look, if you can't respect yourself and stand up and have the values for what you believe in and be willing to have some conflict and some collision so you can build better clarity, understanding, communication from that and connection on where the path lies for you and your wife, for you and your children, for you and your workers, colleagues, your business, then you're just going to be a pushover and you always will be. Which means you're showing the world a lack of self respect. Now if you have low self respect, low self worth, low self worth value, low self love, pick any one of those words. It's all the same thing. If you have that, how can you expect the animal part of us, inside of us, and even as humans with the integral nature we have towards connecting with tribes, with others, tight knit inner circles, families, how can you expect to have that from anyone else? If you don't love yourself, how can you expect your children to have a higher level of love for you? Of course your kids love you, of course you love your kids. But there's layers to this man. If you are a pushover, if you are too passive, if you are always the panda, you will get bitten in the ass, you will get put on a leash, you'll get run around, life will roll through you. And when I say put on a leash, I'm not talking about the wife, I'm not talking about the kids. I'm talking about life. Life will roll through you, man. It's like the grindstone. You'll be pulverized. Sooner or later, all this suppression will lead to an explosion. You'll be unhappy, unfulfilled, bitter, resentful and looking back with regrets going well. Two things, poor me, little old me and being the victim or ultimately not even seeing it because you're that far gone, you can't even see it. You can't even see what awaits you. That light bulb moment, that's very scary, man. I'm telling you right now. When you create stability in your life, you create it through an expression of energy. That doesn't mean I'm barking at my wife and my children, doesn't mean I'm standing up, beating my chest, but I'm the fucking man. There's times when I'm the panda, but they know like that on a dying man, I can flick that switch. You destabilize the dynamics of the household. When the girls are staying in the bath too long, they're getting out, they're not drawing themselves, not getting dressed, we're not doing bedtime stories. They're going in and just opening up the kitchen and eating whatever they want and doing, doing different things that I know because of my instincts and my skill sets as a leader of the household creates an unstable nature. I'll very quickly go from the panda to the Viking. And I'm not saying I'm going to discipline my children or put them in my place. I'm simply going to create, maybe it's not the best term, some sort of course correction. I'm sure there's a better term that will come to mind. But I'm absolutely going to create some sort of realignment is probably the better word for the energies of the family and the household. Just like my wife can, will and should as she should as she can as she will with her pair of pants. That's not role relevant. It comes down to the skill sets that we have and develop and the gifts that we offer the family. Just like there's times when the children will lead and isn't it a beautiful thing? I'm kicking back watching my children experiment, explore, discover. It's a seek and discover type nature with children where they're going and I'm watching them jump in puddles. I'm watching them create things. I'm watching them do arts and crafts and I'm learning from them. Like me, man, that's beautiful. My children are leading this environment right now and I'm just sitting back as an amazing passenger. I'm the panda bear. Watching them do beautiful arts and crafts. And I'm just blessed and grateful and loving the energy and environment household. Every single person is a leader. Don't forget that, mate. This isn't about just you. It's how can you use you to provide a better platform to influence and create the right energetic shifts, frequencies and experiences not just for yourself, but for your family. Your children can do the same. We're all Leaders. You are all leaders. Sometimes you'll be a bad leader. But remember, leadership, just like truth, is always something that's measured after the fact. This is hard when you have a manipulated or distorted sense of reality on the cycles and the current patterns and pitfalls you find yourself in where you can't reposition your perspective to see things from a different way. Where you're going, you know what? I'm the panda to much in these areas when I shouldn't be. I'm the Viking too much. And we'll get on that in a second with this tyrannical type reign where I'm just constantly triggered angry dad and just overpowering through yelling and energy, my physical presence just to kill the goose for the golden eggs. That's just as bad, man, that's just as bad. Both are equally bad. But what we see more, those who aren't the Panda 24 7, they know that being the aggressor is not right. But the panda is just as bad. When we get the men who come to me and they're broken leadership. Truth. What is the truth? How do you define truth? Where does this collective of truth come from? And also a measurement or a gauge on leadership without first analyzing history, time that has passed on top of belief systems and literally what you are going to recreate in your neural pathway to go, yes, that was history. Yes, that did happen. Yes, I did say that. Because as creatures we can create delusional and really artificial facts inside of our life that become our truths, but they actually weren't, which is why the past is quite interesting. The past is still malleable, it's still flexible. You can change it. Very interesting, especially when it leads into the now. Truth, leadership. What does that look like? We all have that. But if you're a fucking chronic liar by not bringing up the truth, having honesty and creating a pathway of growth and leadership and love, yet you put your hat on and say, yeah, I'm the dad, I'm the man. Make sure you're doing yourself and those around you that you love and care about an injustice, a disservice. Because the truth always wins. The question is, are you going to be happy with the final truth? And will you even know what it looks like? There are leaders inside all of us for different circumstances, different situations and different hats that we need to put on, or different masks that we need to wear, or different expressions of energy that we need to showcase. Whether you're the panda or the Viking, your children have that as well. Kids going crazy, they're triggered short, temperamental nature. Their physical, chemical and emotional health is out of whack because they don't have good routines. Going to bed too late, not eating the right food, not having the right environment, not having the, you know, plenty of slack so they can go out and create and then jump off, you know, jump off the lounges and have fun. A few giggles and one time they'll jump off and they'll graze their name. Okay, here we go. Put a band aid on. This is life. Welcome to the real world. There's going to be ups and downs. You know, you're just bubble wrapping them just for their safety, so to speak. But then you're also too careless and they get in some real danger or trouble. All of this, this is all a part of life. There's a big sweet spot where we are all leaders. But what are you doing to be the best leader that you can be? So you can influence, nurture and guide your children to grow and become the best leaders that they can be? Because they will always be their greatest asset. It doesn't matter if you leave them millions of dollars and when you die and all that sort of stuff, you leave them houses and you buy them cars and how about you help them develop the skill set starting from that inner certainty and belief so they can build off those belief systems, the right actions, the connections, relationships and skill sets so they can go out and hunt life, they can go out and lead. I remember one guy, he's brutal Dan Pena and he's, well, not accumulated but he's worked with businessmen to develop over a trillion dollars in business over the years. So he used to be the 50 billion dollar man, now he's the trillion dollar man. Hey, he's brutal. He's got four kids, so he's obviously got a, he lives in a castle in Scotland. So he's got a monstrous amount of wealth. And he said to his four kids, I remember in an interview, interview he did, he said, I told my four kids, you get fucking nothing. You get nothing from me. Not one iota, not one cent, nothing. And I thought about it, this is a few years ago, and I was like, man, that's brutal. Like you're going to help set your kids up for life. But then I recognized and realized, and he said, look, three took it, great, one didn't, they were fine with it. And the one that didn't, guess what, he was the lazy one. He's the one who wanted handouts, he's the one who didn't work on himself. He's the one who didn't do business or deals or work or. Or provide anything to society because he thought he's just going to kick back, hold his hand out and get whatever he want. So I took a lot of lessons out of that. When first was a bit more of an approach of, you're a bad father to the sense of. I can see the message, the way that he articulates and delivers it is very raw and aggressive. I get that. I wouldn't align with that approach, but the principle behind it, of course, you don't own your children. You're responsible for them, but you don't own them. 80% of your life with your children is between 0 and 18. One of our members told me that. I'm hunting hard, I'm finding, Trying to find the facts or studies on this. But think about that for a second. Even if it's not directly factual, metaphorically, it's got to be close. Or hypothetically, it's got to be close. From 0 to 18 or 21 was when I left home, from 0 to 18 hours with my parents every day. Hours sleeping on the same roof every single day, morning, night. Now I'll call my parents, you know, once a week, maybe twice. We'll do screen time. They're in Queensland, like, so you're looking at max one hour a week as opposed to 168 hours a week. And I know a bit of that's away with school and all that sort of stuff, but think about that. So it makes sense, right? 80% of your relationship with your children in terms of time is between 0 and 18, which means the final 20% is from them being roughly, you know, an adult till when you die. That's crazy, man. But it also reveals the truth that you know what? You've got them for a limited amount of time. How about you help them grow into amazing, phenomenal leaders? And guess what? For that, you will get the ultimate fulfillment and reward of being an integral part of their life. And they love you and they want you around all the time. They may need you sometimes. I get that. But ultimately, they're there because they want to be and because you continually provide a high level of value to them because of how you've turned up in yourself and because, like elephants, they don't forget. I don't forget. We don't forget. That's incredible, man. You can't do that if you don't understand the different hats you need to wear in being the Viking and the panda. Being the panda, my kids are painting my fingernails and I'm putting on dresses and they're doing my hair and all that sort of shit where you just. You're the playful dad, you can befriend them. You're that approach where you are their father and you're their father above being their mate. I have lots of mates. I only have one father. But also you are building this relationship where you have that empathetic side to you, that soft nature where it's not a place of judgment. They can come to you with their troubles, with their hardships, maybe some of those, as they get older, you don't want to necessarily hear about, but nonetheless, it positions you to help guide and mentor them where maybe their friends aren't going to be the best guides or mentors due to their lack of life experience when it comes to a tough situation or circumstance or a dangerous or risky one. You can't have that if you're just the Viking, mate. No way. And you can't have that if you're just the panda. Dad won't be able to handle this. He'll fall apart. He can't help me here. He won't be able to show me the way. You need both. The panda is a beautiful one. It really is, and I love that. Like I said, I'm incredibly submissive, very passive with my children a lot of the times. And it's funny, I say to my wife, Corinne, I think it comes out right if I say it this way, but I say to her, because she's like, oh, you know, I don't want you just to be the fun dad and I'm the thing and I'm. Look, there's times when we have our. We have our own angle, you know, I can be firmer purely through my size and my tone. Well, yeah, maybe the kids listen to that a bit more than Mum. And that's all right. Most of the times when I'm, you know, bedtime, sleep, go to sleep, and I'm giving them the firm voice, I walk out of the room laughing because I know it's just a mask I'm putting on. I don't walk out carrying resentment that my children aren't asleep. You can't carry those expectations, man. That's bullshit. You're just carrying that bitterness and that energy through to you after you've already done the deed of trying to commit them to understanding the value of sleep and going to sleep. So anytime when I do actually discipline the children, I'm actually always laughing. It's just, again, it's a mask I'm putting on to deliver the right amount of energy that they need because I have the foresight that this is something they need to do that's going to be important for them. They can't see because they don't have the mental capacity or intelligence or understanding that's important. So there's times when that'll happen. You know, with my wife, we both have our own ways of working with the children blocks. And I think this will come out properly. But I said to my wife the other day when she's like, I don't want you to just be the fun parent and like that. It's not like that at all. This is a while ago actually. But when Roman was just born, you know what it's like a lot of chaos when the baby's just born and he's just turned one, so he's starting to come into his own, which is great. But I said to her, look, I'm happy to let the kids do whatever they want to do as long as I'm happy that it's what I want them to do. And as long as I'm happy with what they're doing. I'll say that again because it is, you know, it is important to recognize that I let my children like I let my children do whatever they want to do as long as when I'm reviewing and assessing it, it's what I want them to do and is what I'm happy that they're doing. So when Stella's going up on the lounge, she's jumping onto that, you know, those kid play mats, those foam mats and she's jumping and man, she can jump. She's jumping like a meter and a half in length. That's pretty solid for a five year old. Meter and a half to two meters in length. And jumping the mat, slipping, and she sort of rolled and did a little roll and the head just missed the corner of the television cabinet and it's like, you know, wouldn't have crushed her but would have given a sore head and she would have cried. When I'm watching that, I'm like, yeah, you know what? Like she'll only do it once, right? She'll learn her lesson, you know, it's not going to. So I'm gauging and it's hard, isn't it? Because we're tired. We are tired of chronically assessing dangers. Think about it, with the bath, with water, with the kids crossing the road like that. That's what, that's what chews into Your just on a side note, that's what kills us, man. When it comes to tiredness, your mental capacity is always invested in continuously analyzing. Like the magpies we feed in the front lawn. I look at them when they've got the babies coming out and they're just watching everything, man. Like they are just. It's almost like they're just frantic and erratic and just shaking, right? We have the same. But unfortunately that can become chronic when you're living out of fear or just safety or security, where you start imposing that on your children too much. So I'm going to let them do whatever they want when I've already gauged the situation won't be serious. More often than not, they're in a great place and they're going to learn, they're going to get experience. But there's times when it's a no go. And all of a sudden it's like, oh, yep, no, dad's sort of put the foot down here. And that's when you must turn in and become the Viking you are, the warrior. You have that Viking inside of you. That's important, that's imperative. That's when you go out and you hunt life, whether it's your business, whether it's developing good relationships. It's not just anger and screaming and war paint and bloody, you know, axes and swords. It's going out with a level of intent and having that intention and being assertive and being a leader and asking for things, developing relationships, giving things, but doing it from a place where we're going to organize some trades here, how are we going to better each other? What are you doing for me? What can I do for you? There really is that opposite of the panda, that laid back approach to go out and get after life and lead on the front foot. You must have that, man. Like you must have that. Problem is, if you live in that zone, and I'm not saying this to judge police officer or anyone in the army, you got to be cautious because if you have that switch always turned on, it becomes that, that militant type nature where you lose part of you or you're at risk of losing part of you. Like the joy. Where's the joy in life, man? Where's the fun side? Where's the playful side? So like everything, it's a sweet spot. Nice guys don't finish last. The ones who finish last are the ones who can't play the role of the panda and the Viking collectively bring that together to create fulfilling experiences where there's times when there's a threat or there's a lack of stability and you need to restabilize, be a leader, flex your muscles, show some teeth at times and really go, hey, this is what we're doing. This is where it's at. This is what is important. And that may come to conflict with your wife. That may come to how you handle your children. That may come to how you handle your children and their teachers. That may come to how you handle children with their children, with their friends or their friends, parents, or there's something not aligned there. You know, it's not right. Like, look, I live an eggshell free life. I don't have many friends. That's okay, I'm all right with that. I've got the tribe. But when we're at daycare and we're picking kids up, or when we're at kids parties and there's parents I don't know and I'm beginning to know them and meet them, I'm walking a very fine line of making sure that I don't damage the relationship that my daughter's having with the friends, but I'm also exercising my freedom and rights to go, yeah, actually, I don't agree with that. I think that's ridiculous. And look, I don't squash people. I'm a very sharp, fast, witty man. I don't completely squash them. Yeah, I was talking to one of my friends and they're like, ah, one of friends, friends, sorry, you know, my daughter's friend's father. And I was chatting to him and he's like, oh, you're gonna get little Roman in the footy. And I said, no way, mate. No way he's gonna play rugby league. Oh, what are you talking about? I was like, well, you know, I played elite rugby league. I didn't start tills later in life, but I think there's a lot of life lessons that he can learn where he doesn't have to bash his body up. And look, some of you guys listening or listening to this or engaging in sport or loving rugby league, it's not that I have anything. It's that I just went through so much trauma in my professional rugby league career over such a short period too. A six to seven year period where I had nine operations and reconstructions and mentally and physically, it destroyed me. But it also gave me the opportunity to rebuild myself, to become an absolutely tenacious man that will always win. I can't lose. The adversity is whatever comes, I'll find a way to win. So look, that's Great. But then for me as a leader, I'm analyzing, what can Roman do? Can he do different sports? Maybe. If he comes to me and he wants to play rugby league, absolutely. But I'm not going to sugarcoat things going okay son, this is what we need to do. You want to play rugby league like your old man did, no worries. How about we put you in the best possible position? We need to get your skill set phenomenal so that if it doesn't follow through from a monetary point of view, a fulfillment point of view and a career length and lifespan because it can be short and long. With rugby league, let's put you in a position where it's not a plan B. You're just developing yourself as a human, as a complete amazing human. And rugby league is one of those areas of life. Let's make sure we're working in your rotator cuffs. We're going to develop phenomenal strength in your shoulders, your legs, your hips, your glutes. We're going to look after your spine. We're going to get treatment and recovery protocols. These are all things that I know and I have access to that your local rugby league teams are not even reserve grade, even first grade rugby league teams, some of them don't access to some of the people I have. When it comes to world class cutting edge technology and recovery protocols, this is what I'll do with you, son. I'm going to help you and educate you. But I also need you to understand, understand when you tear your acl, if that does happen, if you tear your ACL like I did, this is the, this is what you need to go through, mate. You step wrong in the shower, gone, you'll tear it again. For the first 14 to 16 weeks, you need to learn how to walk again as an adult. As a man, you can't use your leg and you lose a lot of muscle. Your mental confidence and approach will be shot to shit because you'll go from being one of the highest performers in the world as an athlete to someone who can get outpaced by 160 kilo, 60 year old grandmother. This is what happens. So look, depending on his age, I'm going to paint some real pictures for him. But this is going to be his path, his journey, where he needs to walk. But the point of all of this just to, just to expand on that share was when I was talking to my daughter's friend's father, I was very firm because he was like, nah, it's team sports by what's it, yeah, we got fucking soccer, mate. You've got afl, you've got rugby union, you've got all different team sports. I played cricket and soccer growing up. That was amazing. So it wasn't an argument, but he led through some certain opinions and I wasn't a yes man or yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, cool. And then in my head or behind his back going, oh, that guy doesn't know what he's talking about right there to his fucking face, man to man, I said, yeah, I disagree, man, because my experience tells me this now. You played local rugby league, I get that. You didn't go through first grade squads, you didn't go through toxic cultures. Like when I was at the Dragons, it was a fucking disgusting culture. And I say that with respect to some of my friends who may support the Dragons and some people I may keep in touch with who are still associated with the club. It's not a reflection of the club, it's a reflection of the allowances of the culture in there as young men who put up on a fucking pedestal. And it was a bad place to be for me personally and several others who weren't up in the, in the spotlight or part of the cool clique completely different to the Panthers. So when I'm looking at this, I'm coming from a position of experience. I rarely dive into opinions. And then my modern day intelligence, which is social and self awareness, helps me understand the step by step, sequential order or the domino effect of when you take these actions. It's like a choose your own adventure. When you go here, this is where it's going to branch out into 1, 2, 3, 4 or 5 options. When you pick that one, there's another little branch that will stream out. 1, 2, 3, 4 options. When you pick that one, there's two options. When you pick that, there's one option, you've got to be firm and hold your ground and be the Viking sometimes. Go, hey, you want to do that, that's okay. This is the alternative, you want to do that, that's all right. This is what may happen, this is what may not happen. I'm not going to do that. For Lillian, who's not far off three years of age, who doesn't understand. This is where it's layers, man. This is where it's levels. Like, Roman's not going to pick up a footy at 3 years of age and say, dad, I want to play footy. And I'm going to start talking to him about the anatomy of the ACL and how his knee will Be shot to shit if he plays one day and toys. It doesn't make any sense. This is modern day intelligence, social awareness, awareness of around you, which means the people. Not just the place, not just the environment or the vibe or the pub or the setting. It's literally a social awareness. Social. Other people, people in part in who are part of your community, part of your tribe. Reading, feeling, their energy, their mental capacity, where they're at. You've got to be that Viking to make those decisions. But again, like the panda, you go too far the other way all of a sudden. Well, fuck, mate, how about yourself? Are you focusing yourself? You're trying to get your kids into all these things. Are you doing it right? Like, man, don't. Don't be a hypocrite. Like, that's just. That's savage, man. It's the biggest virus the world will ever see. Using a word that's relevant with the times. Right now you talk about a real virus because that shit's infectious. Like, you'll turn your children into hypocrites. The whole do as I say, not as I do. I get that. When it comes to certain ways of teaching your children, they may not be in a position to understand, but that's going to get pretty old pretty quickly as they get older. And they say, oh, dad isn't doing anything, though. Dad's just speaking. So the whole do as I say, not as I do. It's like, yeah, but what are you doing? Are you fucking doing anything? Show me. Show me your leadership. Show me that you're growing. Show me you're not just wasting away. Show me you're working on yourself. Show me how you can communicate better. Show me how you can build better connection. Show me how much you love mum or your partner or your relationships. Or show me how much work is in consuming and destroying you. So you're turning up as a shit father for me. You know, this is what happens when people come to me. Generally, they've become the Viking and a weak one at that because they're angry. They're using, again, aggression, words, energy in an overarching reach to control things. They shouldn't try and control people, places and things. You can't control them. Trying to control your children by overpowering them and having this overbearing approach. Why? Because you don't have any control in yourself. You know, there's times when you need to be that diplomat or that older wizard. There's times when you need to be that warrior and that warrior that's really setting your Family up for success because you're providing for them. But then also on top of that, there's times when you need to have a smarter approach and be the wizard who can see what will happen and literally create the reality off the back of the magic that you're implementing, which others may not see yet. But when you're the Viking, mate, everyone will lose. When you are the Viking, you will lose. If you're doing that too much, you become closed off. You don't control your emotions, you suppress certain emotions, which means you don't experience love, joy, all the things that come about optimism and a positive nature. It's got to be that sweet spot in the middle, man. I want you, as we wrap this up, I just want you to think back and just reflect. Where are you being too much of the Viking when you know you shouldn't be? And when are you being a pushover panda? When you know you need to firm up a little bit and just get a little bit more of a spine in play and stand up for what you know is right, even if it comes at the cost, momentary or temporary, pain or conflict, it's worth it because you're not just kicking the can down the road and eventually becomes a big explosion and everyone loses. The Viking and the panda, I love them. They're both amazing characters to play, and I really enjoy it. Like, do I like, you know, I guess setting my children straight when they're playing up at night time and they're not going to sleep or, you know, the. They're not listening to their mother. And sometimes I don't. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. Because it's always come from a place of stability and control. I'm controlling how I express that level of Viking nature and that energy. I'm controlling how I express that discipline. It's not controlling me. And you know how I know? Because I walk off laughing. Because I continuously review and reflect, and I know what I did was right. And it might create tears for them sometimes, but that's okay because as they get older and their little mental capacity grows and gets bigger, they will understand. These are the seeds to plant, man. These are the platforms to build. Just like being the panda I love that. I love my children, can jump on my back and pull my hair and wrestle me and Roman bites me. We play around and I'm not triggered or upset. And they have their way with that. And sometimes I'm a ragdoll. And it's so cool because they knock and flick the switch and they know how powerful I am. That's how I want my children to see me and remember me. Dad was so powerful. He was such a powerful man and such an amazing leader and he had so much power. But he rarely used it, only when he needed to. And it was for the right reasons in the right way. I hope this episode serves you well. Key Takeaways when, where and why are you being the panda, the panda too much in your life? When, where, why and how are you being that and also the Viking too much and it's not aligning, you know, it's not right, it doesn't feel right. And then what are you going to do to realign that, to have a big sweet spot where you can play both roles? And that first and foremost comes down to actually this. Reflecting, reviewing, asking quality questions and then investing in yourself. Life is energy, man, just like I said. Which means if you have no energy or lackluster energy, you're burning out the afternoons, you're chronically fatigued, which means you don't have the gusto to handle the kids, the chaos, you know, the different forms of energy coming at you, the wife, the children, your work, your business. If you don't have the stamina, the endurance because you don't invest in yourself physically and mentally, you won't feel fulfilled or rewarded. You won't have control of anything. And you certainly won't be able to see the best path forward for you and everyone else involved that you love and care about. Take care. Have an amazing day, night, weekday weekend, whenever you listen to this and above all else, apply action to this by first asking quality questions and then seeing where you can just tweak doesn't mean a big overhaul of your personality. Just tweak a couple of percent here and there. And I'll tell you one thing, mate, you'll be amazed at how attractive that is and the affection you get when it comes to relationships and not just your wife or nookie, but your children as well. And just seeing how they see you through their eyes, you'd be amazed at how much this changes because you are the rock and you have that stability with such a beautiful sweet spot that creates respect, value, appreciation, and like I said, affection. Take care and I hope this serves you well. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this it could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this. Because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. Appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.