144. The Greatest Way A Man Can Communicate

Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. The point and purpose of these episodes, as always, is to have a point and purpose towards helping you win the second half in life by building a path of becoming the best father, husband, man and member of your community that you can be. We do this with various ways of connecting. Life is connection. And as you hear these words spoken time and time again, know that the driving force of connection in life is energy. Which means that how you turn up as a father, as a husband, as a valued member of society will always start and end with how you turn up as a man within yourself. First. This is why it's my mission, my purpose, our mission, our purpose through Real Dad Movement to inspire, motivate, educate and guide you into thoughts, feelings, actions and a change in your belief systems to rise up, cut the shit from your life and live and leave a real legacy. When dads win, everyone wins. And when you win, I win. Let's get moving forward, mate. Right here, right now, The greatest way a man can communicate. Really excited to be sharing this one with you. It's something that is collectively part of a book that's being written at the moment. And it's probably one of the biggest challenges I think that we face. I mean, look, life is energy. Yes, I say that all the time. Life is connection. Yes. Connection is, I guess, two energy sources coming together. Right. How does that happen as human beings, the modern day creatures that we are? Communication. There is no other way. I mean, look, body language, yes, that's a form of communication. I get that. Like everything. So when we're looking at it at energy and then we're looking at communication and peeling the layer back on them a little bit without going too woo woo, it is literally a frequency, a vibration, a form of energy, expression. Life is energy. Okay. Communication is a form of expressing that energy. The end. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Tune in for another one soon. Now, here it is. A three piece set. This is a three piece set. The best way a man can communicate, the best communication. For a man. Yes, for you. Can it apply for children? Maybe? Probably. I mean, most of our principles, you know, someone could probably take them, repackage them and try and apply them to different people. But I'm not here for them, I'm here for you. I know the children will be looked after if I can help you look after yourself. The end. So when we're looking at communication, the greatest communication that a man can have in his tool belt, in his arsenal, ready to pull out and use at his Disposal. Because we communicate every single fucking day. Excuse the French. You know, I don't really swear. I actually don't. I hardly ever swear. It's really just on this podcast. Cracks me up, man. I just get very passionate. Very passionate, man. Three piece set, three things, three different areas that determine communication for us or and is the greatest form of communication that you must deliver well, you must do properly, you must do it well. It's not about just doing it for the sake of doing it. This is something that I want you to apply to your life immediately because it is a very powerful asset. Because what don't we have when we first start looking at, I guess the problem or pain behind any situation or any experience when there is a lack of communication? What don't you have if you don't communicate well? Well, of course there's a lack of connection to your wife, to your children, to yourself. You don't even understand what you want. You don't even understand how to communicate your needs or desires to others. You don't quite understand. It's hard to listen to the Mrs. Or to your children if you don't build this skill set inside of yourself first. Because you just can't connect the dots, mate. Which means there becomes a breakdown, there becomes frustration, there becomes a lack of control. When I'm talking about communication, I'm not talking about you just going out and controlling everyone around you either through being the big loudman who's just speaking words and chirping away. It's about reinforcing the control of yourself to not only create, lead and influence the right environment around your wife, your children, those that you love and care about, but also to be part of their environment. You know, you don't exist as a man to your children. I don't exist as Al to my kids, although sometimes they call me Alex. I exist as their father. So in their eyes, in their world, I'm their dad. They look at me, they see dad. I look at me, I see Al. This is how it works. So when we're looking at being part of other people's environments that we love and care about, obviously it's critical, man, that you really start to understand that if you don't build a layer of communication which isn't always what you're giving, it's what you're receiving and how you receive it. Spoiler alert. Listening is one of them, one of the three piece set. There'll be no fulfillment. There won't be significance, there won't be rewards, there won't Be contribution to your children's lives, to your wife's life, to help her on her journey to your own life. Because you can't see it. You just can't see it's such a big roadblock, you know, And I feel blessed that I had three brothers and an older Italian father. Not that he. Not that he thought that he bashed me or probably some of the pretty strict upbrings, I'd say, in the early 1900s. But yeah, you know, he had some of the. He had a fair bit of the old school in him, bit of the old guard. But that's great, powerful thing to have. But most men, which will probably be in their 50s and then upwards, 60s, 70s, if that's all you hold on to, mate, you will fall apart behind closed doors. You can't connect. And if you can't connect to life, right, Connection to self is one thing, of course, it's your internal reality, your internal world, environment and life. But that's directly, in proportion connected to the external reality. They're two sides of the same coin, man. So whilst it's easy to dive into other superficial environments through the use of technology, which isn't always serving your best interests, or it has an agenda that is either fear driven, especially a lot of things happening now, yes, there's a lot of influence. Is it really holding your best interest at heart or are you the one who should take ownership because you're investing too much in the wrong things and that's triggering you. It is all connection. So the old guard, yeah, feel for him, man, because it's hard. Like you weren't the man. It was hard to express emotions and to share that and to open up and have that. And I mean, look, they had a spine. Fucking earth, they had a spine. Like tough men working hard, breaking themselves for their families to make it through wars for the survival of generations to come. Like heavy stuff. I'm not blaming or judging them for it. The men that have passed, but the boys that are becoming men of the future seem to be too far the other way. You and I have the opportunity because most of you listening to this will be in your 30s, 40s or early 50s, which is that sweet spot. And look, there's a couple of generations laced in there. I mean, I think there's three generations alone, just in those born in the 80s. But ultimately this is the opportunity because the very young boys who are becoming men, it's too much the other way, Too emotionally driven without the spine to handle the adversities of the Real world of life. It's not. I know, I use it as a joke. Holding pinkies, singing Kumbaya, dancing around a fire or a flame. Look, we've got yoga services we bring into our members on the inside. But Pete, he's a fucking legend. Pete's like in his 60s, spent years in India. He's the real deal. It's not commercialized yoga, he's legit, but fuck, he's Aussie as like, he literally, you know, probably goes to the pub after every yoga session, does punch ons, but I'm just kidding, Pete, I hope you never listen to this one, mate. If you enjoy my podcast, I don't know if you listen to them, but I'll tell you to never listen to this episode, that's for sure. It's crazy, you know, even that with Pete in yoga, it's just about being present. That's what real yoga is, it's presence coming back to the now. We call it creating space, stopping the world, slowing down, getting off and just having time for yourself. Hard part is the very young generation, which everyone points fingers at. Don't fucking blame the millennials who raised them, right? I can't. I know this is a bit of a side game, but we're talking about communication, right? I'm not talking about just how you talk to your wife. Who the fuck raised the millennials? How about some ownership on that, right? Every child is born into this world with a blank canvas. So before you go pointing your fucking finger going, millennials are entitled. They just want their handout blower. Or maybe that's because of the generation beforehand that just fucking gave them everything. Or maybe it's the generation before that, that after the war, all the fruits of the labor of the wars came through, and then everyone was just fucking partying through the 50s, 60s and 70s. I don't know, maybe. Or maybe it goes before then with the greatest generation. I mean, what a name to give yourself. How's that for a generation? They gave themselves the title the Greatest Generation. I mean, I'm not saying they're ego driven, but fucking hell, that's pretty funny, isn't it? Maybe it was them who were too strict, or maybe it was the ones before them in the 1800s that we have limited history about. Who knows? When you go upstream and dance along the chain, it becomes pretty clear and apparent that we're all in this together, whatever this is and whatever this becomes. But how about instead of pointing the fingers and looking at the rights and wrongs of generation past, present and Potentially future. Why don't we stand up and recognise one of the greatest ways. Not what it means to be a real man. One of the greatest ways to be a real man, which is through developing a skill set of communication and communicating properly. And that is the range. That's that big sweet spot. Viking and panda. It's one of my older episodes. Well, not that old, but one of my newer episodes. But a few back. Yes. I can be the Viking, tear someone's face off. Survival of my family. I will see blood if it means survival. All of that sort of stuff. And I'm not saying that sound proud. I'm just painting a picture for you. But then I can also be the panda bear, roll over on my back, legs up, you know, tickle the tummy. Or you know, get makeup and put dresses on for the kids and play around with like, you know. The scissors came out the other day. They didn't cut my hair, but Stella cut a Could a good lump off hers. I couldn't believe it. She's cut a patch out of her head. Fucking. Oh, man. Kids are a cracker. Couldn't believe it. Not too bad. We can hide it. I cut my hair when I was young. I remember. We probably all do it, right. So being the panda and the Viking, you need both. But this is what I'm talking about. You need that sweet spot, man. And that sweet spot is communication. There's times where I'm direct, I'm firm. Hey, bedtime. Come on. This is the eighth time you've got out of bed. Let's go in your bed. I don't lose my frame, my cool. A lot of times I walk out shaking my head or laughing. I can't let them see that, right? The kids, they'll just keep playing. But yes. You know, there's times when dad needs to be disciplined to a degree. Not to give discipline alone, but discipline towards the end outcome. Well, you know what? If the kids stay up till 11 o', clock, it's probably not going to be a great morning tomorrow, right? And it's not good for them, it's not wholesome for them chemically, emotionally, physically. They don't know that they're kids, but we do. Let's be smarter. Let's have that little foresight to make sure we're navigating and having that responsibility to lead our children. It's about having that range, man. Like you must have that steel, that frame to be that colossus, that, that titan. But also to be able to share your emotions and to Talk about your needs, what's important for you to move forward in your life. This is your life, too. Don't. Don't ever forget that. Like, you are experiencing the world through the eyes of you. So the whole family, first thing. I get that. Do them first by doing you at 100%, because then they're going to get the best dad or husband, brother, cousin that they can. Like, it's. It's a mathematical formula. Like, don't. I mean, I've never had anyone argue me on it, but people subconsciously go back into that state. Family first. Oh, no, I get what you say now. You know, if I'm not 100%, I can't give my hundred percent. So by being selfless, I'm being even more selfish. By not being selfish by societal standards, I'm actually being selfish because my kids are getting less. They get it. Like, you probably get it if you're still listening to me. That's one of our core principles. Like, you get it, but are you applying it? Action. Action trumps everything. But this is the point. The old generation, the new generation, it's about having that big range and sweet spot to go. You know what? The thing that connects all of us is how we communicate. Now as a man, the greatest and best ways that you can communicate. Three piece set. Let's dive on. Right on into it. Is one leading through actions. Isn't that funny? I communicate through showing, not telling. You think eyes aren't watching you. You think there isn't a tally of psychological runs on the board. You think you've had a blue or Barney with a missus, or there's a pattern. We just had a fight. Oh, here he goes. He's leaving again. He's escaping, he's running off. Or he's just going back to work. Or you don't think it takes time to rewire that. You need to create through your own certainty of actions, uncertainty in others, wrongdoings of a perception of who you are versus who you were. Because that's not fair for anyone. But that's hard for them. Like, can you blame them? They've got a vision and a version of who you are and a story inside their head, because that is how you've turned up with your repetitions in life. So the actual best form of communication, there's three. Comes down to the very first and foremost point of leadership. Showing, not telling. I'm not here to split hairs and go, yeah, there's good leadership, there's bad leadership. Our vision and definition of what leadership Is is you showing, not telling in a loving way that leads to the growth of yourself and inherently the ripple effect to the growth of others around you that come into your world, your frame, your environment. It's that simple. Like, you're not a bad leader. You're just not a leader at all. That's how I look at it. I could have, oh, he was a bad leader. What do you mean? People just fucking followed him. Well, maybe there was manipulation, deceit, who knows? It's their choice. He's not a leader at all. There's no good or bad. This is leadership showing, not telling your actions. What is this? You hear all the terms out there. I'm not here to recycle them. But yeah, actions speak volumes. Of course they do. Actions speak louder than words. Of course it does. Is it the only. No, of course not. Actions, man, are you fucking turning up? And this, this is the crazy part. It's the subtleties, right? I'm gonna get fit again, honey. Yeah, okay, sure. I'm gonna set my alarm. You hit the snooze button. She won't say a word. Mate, if you don't get up at 6 o', clock, 5:30, 5 o', clock, whatever, and you make these little declarations and you, you just expose a little bit of vulnerability, declaration, accountability, whatever you want to call it, and you share that doesn't come true. What do you think you're banking? She doesn't even know that she is, but subconsciously, hey, husband's a fucking liar. He didn't get up. He just hit the snooze button. And she may not even be judging you. It's not a right or wrong, it's a pattern. Patterns and processes. Patterns and processes of life. So you must be very cautious. What kind of actions are you not even aware of are you doing? That's having not even a conscious, but a subconscious ripple effect throughout to your children, to your work, to your business, your employees, your worker colleagues, your wife, your extended family. And you can't even see it because you're too busy looking through your own eyes. That other eyes are watching you and your actions and what you do. Like, I can't, man. I cannot express enough. I got some dude time this afternoon with Roman. We call it a dad and dude or dude time. We're going to create a dude dungeon just for us. But you're going to spend some time with Roman. The two girls are going out with Crin and every. And I'm going to train. He loves being in the gym and training with me, it's crazy. Like he looks up and he goes, D and he's trying to say dad. And Daddy just goes there and he lifts like the little half kilo plate and it's so funny. Like he's just screaming, yeah, like, like D is. He's basically saying D for Dad. I hope that's what it means. But he's screaming that. And then he crawls over, grabs the barbell, stands up, starts trying to yank it and making like groan, groaning and grunt noises and shit. Man, I hope I don't sound like that when I'm lifting. But it's crazy how much he's following to the point where when everyone's home and he's out in the kitchen, the door that leads out the back to the garage, right to the side, if he hears those plates drop, if I do a clean or a snatch or a deadlift, when he hears the bar drop, because I've got bumper plates and I can, I can hear him. I can hear that. And he's just screaming across. Because we've got tile floors across the tile floors and here. He's got massive, massive hands, man. You should see his hands. Fuck, he's gonna be a beast. It's. It's scary. I don't know when he'll be able to out wrestle me, but I'll tell you what, I'll hold on to that title as long as I can. It might only be 12 or 13. Come screaming, then banging on the door. Fucking let me at it. Let me come out and tear some shit up with you, Dad. I didn't, I didn't put him in front of a barbell and force him to hold onto it before he made that connection. He's watching what dad's doing. He's like, man, fucking game one. Like when he stands up. Think about it this way. This is just an example, short story. When he stands up and he's grabbing that barbell, you know, and it's. Look, it doesn't even have to be 100 kilos, but you know, if I'm doing like some, some heavier lifting, some cleans and all that sort of stuff. But even 40 kilos, he can't move that clearly. He's just turn one when he stands up and he can barely roll the bar because he tries to roll it back and forth, which shit, he'll probably squash his nose one day. But he'll be right. When he's rol and forth, he'll only do it once, right? He'll learn. But I'm Watching. I'm always, always watching. He can't even move it. So when he's sitting back. So I put him in the pen or obviously put him in a safe place. Like, it's funny, in some of the videos I've done once I had a guy criticized and he was just a. No disrespect, but he's obviously a guy who was fucking sloppy, had never done bar work before. I was like, mate, you have no idea the path of this barbell. It's not even going to come close to where my children are. And you can't even see the way the camera's set up, that my children are actually three meters away and behind a barrier. The barbell had 120 kilos on it. I was doing a power clean. I'm strong, but I'm not going to fucking throw 120 kilos to my right or to my left. It doesn't work that way. When you got anything over 80 kilos on the bar, it goes up and it goes straight down. But anyway, he knows when he's trying to lift that bar and move the weight. And then I put him out of way and he sees me tear the fuck out of it with a snatch, a clean and jerk, a deadlift and move it around. He's watching an expression of energy and he's like, holy fuck, man. I couldn't even move this thing. I'm telling you, this is what's going through his head. Maybe not with the personality I'm putting on here, but he's literally like, holy. He's fucking just throwing that shit above his head. I can't even move it. I want to roll this thing and I can't even roll communication. It's a very powerful thing. You know what the greatest part about all this is? Guess who the number one benefactor is. It's you. I'm here for you, man. Like, don't get me wrong, I'd love nothing more that the father's lives have changed. And when I get letters and feedback and other bits and pieces from their kids, man, it's epic. Like, it's so cool. It's so cool. But I don't need to focus solely on your children because I know that if I focus solely on you, you'll sort that shit out yourself. When I say that, you'll clean your own house, you'll look after what you need to look after because you're a better man inside of you, and you're happier because you've given to you. You're more fulfilled you feel more rewarded because you're living and enjoying life. But you can't communicate to your family if you don't communicate to yourself first. And you can't communicate with effect to anyone if you don't apply this first piece. Leading with action, showing, not telling. That's critical. That is critical because you're going to win yourself over first. The little voice inside, the bullshit talk, the tall popping of yourself that goes on, the little chirping. You need him. He's never going to leave. He's like a permanent tenant. He's like a squatter out the back with a little fucking swag. And that's okay. He can stay there. He doesn't come in and jump in the king bed. He doesn't get that right. You give it to him sometimes, shouldn't. He stays out the back in his swag. And he's a little voice inside. Hey, pipe down. Thank you. I know what to do. I know what not to do because of you. Action. Second one. Listening. The reason why I am phenomenal at what I do. No arrogance. It's representation of connection. Runs on the board results and continually improve. I'm not set and forget guy. You can see that if you follow my journey. It's the improvement rates. Fucking big too. It's sort of scary. 10 years time where we'll be listening, man. Look, I've had nearly 10,000 conversations and phone calls and we've served thousands of fathers. It's. It's listening. Our pillars, everything I've created, we've created. It's had nothing to do with just Al. And I'm humbled by it. Humbled by the accolades and the messages and all that sort of stuff. Members or not. But it's listening, man. Listening. It is the greatest. Isn't that crazy? It's not a contradiction. It's like the dichotomy of it all, you know, because when you think of communication, what do you think of how you talk to someone? That's the very first, I guarantee you right now, if I say to you, what's your communication like? You're like, oh, yeah, I talk okay, or yeah, I don't talk as much as I should. Or it's like, nah, man. No, there's lots, lots, lots, lots. You know, it's energy, it's connecting, energy. So it is your body language, it's your posture, it's your position, it's your environment. Like if you're sitting side onto your missus and she's talking to you and you're watching tv, or holding a phone and facing forward and she's to your side. That's. That's a form of communication. I'm not going to say it's great or bad, poor or right. That's your choice. You tell me how it goes. If you keep doing that. No. And vice versa. When Corinne's got the phone out around the kids at breakfast time, I'm really trying to not have phones around at all. It's like, fuck, man. Like the kids are gonna want mobile phones before you know it. Why? Because they've watched you for years, pull it out in front of them just like I was. It's a step by step process, though. I'm not telling my wife what to do, but I'm certainly communicating with her. Hey, where's mum? Where's mum for breakfast? Hard. She's with three kids all day. I get it. It's just like, we need to be smart. It's a continual work in progress. She is inadvertently or subconsciously communicating standards to her children, whether she's interacting with them or not through her presence, her posture, what she's engaged with. Right. This is why action is important. Leading with action. What you're engaging with is being gauged and measured by eyes. Watching, but listening. This is how you get control back, though. You're not someone's fucking punching bag. You're not here just to be someone who just gets dumped on. Like, I hate. I'm not delusionally optimistic, but I hate negativity, man. I cannot stand that. That's why I'm very frustrated. What's happening at the moment. I know everyone has a different viewpoint and perspective. I don't look at any of that shit, the right or wrong. I look at energy, I look at what's being expressed. It's a fuckload of fear. And I don't like that. Because no one wins. No one wins. We all experience fear. I do. We all get scared of something or someone at some time. We all experience fear. But when you express fear, you're fucking weak. That is piss weak. You should not do that to yourself, to your children, to anyone experiencing one thing. Expressing, chronically expressing fear. No, no, no. I'll never align with you. I don't care if you're my mother or my, you know, mother, father, my wife. It's not, not right, listening. The way you get control back, though, is by being proactive. How do you listen? Ask. You want to control the narrative, the conversation. You can see it's going a little bit left, a little bit right, not too you know, not too wholesome for everyone. Cool. Take the reins by communicating better by asking and being a phenomenal listener. Ask a set of questions. Why are you here? Awesome. I'm gonna let you express, let you open up, talk about it. Cool. How long have you felt this way for? Okay. What do you want? What does that look like for you? It's actually funny. That's. It's a really. Look, I don't have scripts or anything. I don't do consults much anymore. We've got an amazing team of coaches that looks after a lot of that. But I still enjoy it. I'm connected to every father from the start to the finish in his journey inside and out. Know from. From a prospect, so to speak, somebody reaches out and wants to join to. To lifetime members who we have on the inside. And we have a few now, which is cool. When I say that, I mean that like they're members for life. So asking these questions, important. Okay. What's going on in your world? It's just different ways to peel the onion layer back so you can get to the root of your own challenges and issues and you can focus on having the breakthroughs yourself and discoveries yourself. What do you think you need? Like, you can apply this to your children, to your wife as well. How you feel. Again, it's not about listening. Isn't just about problem solving either. We're quite literal. I get that. But when it comes to listening, you're not always there to solve a problem. Sometimes the problem solves itself by just being there to allow someone to express. Look, I know that life coaches and there's different terms about I'm going to hold some space. Let's just create and hold some space for you. I've got, I've got 3 liters space here. I'm just, I'm selling it online. You can go, go to the checkout and just buy. You can get three at a time so you can buy yourself nine liters of space that Alice held for you. Like, I'm not going down that. I'm sure there's value to it, but it's a bit. It's a bit bloody corny for me and a bit funny. But what you're doing is you're allowing expression. That's what they mean when they say holding space. It's fucking ridiculous. But you're allowing someone to express. But you must build the skill sets inside of yourself. Your own stories, your own pitfalls, patterns, undoings and bullshit. Which is why it's so important for you to do this to yourself first to then spot and go. Yeah, man, it's been like seven minutes still talking about this. I can see where this is going. Okay, thank you for sharing that. I appreciate you opening up. I appreciate you sharing that with me. You can't just shoot anyone down. Like listening and then asking, what's the timeframe? What's the end game? Is this going to help you moving forward? Do you think this is great for you to focus on this? What have you focused on that's great in other areas that you don't need to worry about this? Is that a friend that you need to have in your life? Like, man, she just keeps. Like, when our wives come to us and it's like, how is that person your friend? I'm sure you guys get this, right? Like, your wife will come near all the dramas of her friend or her friend's friend or there's a divorce, something else going. I'm like, fuck, man. Yeah, cool. Thanks for sharing. How's this moving your life forward? How's this helping you? So, look, I'm not. I'm not that black and white. You've got to be careful. But you and I can be pretty blunt and going, this is just a fucking waste of time, isn't it? Why are you even doing that? Why are you even talking about that? Don't worry about that. It's not your life. Let's live our life hard. That's why you get control back by maintaining the integrity of yourself. You cannot give to others at the cost of your personal integrity. Another one is collision. If you know something's not right, but you don't want to fight with your wife, you don't want collision, you don't want to argue tonight, blah, blah, you're fucked, man. Because you are going to give away your own integrity, which is going to eat away at you. Which means when you suppress yourself and pull away, you will break down or she won't value or respect you anymore and she'll fucking walk all over you. You can't do that, mate. You cannot. Listening is a powerful tool because it exposes their position and gives you leverage to them carve out as a leader. First point action to finding the pathway moving forward together, whether it's you and your wife, you and your children, schoolyard bullying issues, challenges, boys, girls. Listening is a powerful tool because someone is showing and exposing their position. And that's not a bad thing, that's a great thing. Whether they're good or bad. You know, family or friends, stranger or parent, father, Mother. They're opening up and exposing. And you know, the truth always wins. So if you're in different environments, you haven't built a level of trust and stability with that person. You've just met them, yeah, they could be fucking lying about something. But this is how you have your own frame. And then you control that frame by asking and navigating the conversation with the perceptions of the eyes and skill sets that moves you and your family or those that you're interacting with forward towards the path of growth, not towards one of waste. I cannot stand waste. It's got to be the. One of the worst things in the world and it's the opposite of growth. And it's funny, they're two sides of the same coin. You're either growing or dying. Yeah, I get that. But it's true. Listening, most powerful, one of the most powerful tools of communication you can have because whilst it's passive compared to the first point, action, it's incredibly empowering and liberating because from that you are accumulating information, data, leverage to then apply the other points. And the third point is needs. So the other points are actions through leadership needs or continued listening. But listening in a way that's going to serve you both because you're communicating properly by listening first and then asking quality questions or creating quality statements. Not. Yes, just fix this. We know that if we're using a relationship for an example, we know women don't work that way. Don't worry, it'll be in the book. Needs. The best communication a man can have in the modern world. Leading with action, that's your spine. Listening and asking, that's leadership as well. Controlling your own personal integrity, which leads to a fair and stable narrative of what's being spoken about. You need that man, otherwise you are just a punching bag. And then what you're doing is you're allowing the environment for your missus to do that, which is then going to create a monster in her. She doesn't want to be a monster. It's like kids with boundaries. And I'm not saying this to downplay your wife. You're the same. You need bandage. We all need boundaries to a degree. But if you open up and allow that open slather, she's going to fucking run right with that man. Absolutely. Like if I'm just a pussy at home all the time and a fucking yes man and just do whatever my wife wants and never show any spine of myself, she will create her own monster because she's allowed to inside of the Constructs of her environment, which is co. Shared. Happens a lot. And I, you know, some of you guys listening to this are probably going to that last point. You're like, fuck yeah, that's me. I like just, I'm too much of the panda, man. I haven't shown enough Viking. Not blaming you, brother. It's a hard one. Yeah, but the nice guys don't finish last. I'm a nice guy. I fucking finish first. I don't finish last. You gotta have, you gotta have the lines though, man. You gotta be able to draw the lines, have the boundaries, healthy yeses and no's. It's, it's, it's an art form. It's a work in progress, that's for sure. Just like those of you who are too much of a Viking. Well, it's because you haven't got your own shit together. You're doing everything for everyone. Which means you're short tempered, you're triggered. You've got no mental energy, physical energy or not, that's probably lacking. But you're not creating space for yourself by slowing and stopping the world and just doing you. Which means even though you come across as a man with power, it's a tyrannical type power where you're not happy as well. Because when, when the dust settles and everything around you falls to the ground, there's just silence. You're like, probably shouldn't have done it that way. It's not really the outcome that I desired. But then you move into your 50s and it's 10 years down the track and you no longer remember going upstream to where the source of it is and you throw your hands in the air. You become a fucking bitter old man. Seen plenty of those needs. You must communicate your needs. That's the third piece. Action. Leadership through action. Listening. Controlling personal integrity in the narrative by working together as a team. Even when you listen, listening is teamwork. By asking and then needs. All breakdowns happen when needs aren't being fulfilled, when needs aren't being met. Whether it's affairs, all different pieces. And again, please, if you're on the receiving end, feel for you, man. I'm not saying there's a right or wrong, but there are a specific set of needs. And there are some evil humans out there. If your ex Mrs. Was fucking chaotic or a narcissist, mate, it's. That's tough. That's tough shit. But where we are here is focusing on what you can control, how we can help you sort your shit out so you can move forward in the right direction. So regardless of the outcome of things, you can't control like a woman throughout her journey with all the different social pressures and what she becomes. A beast, monster, crazy. Whatever words they hate us using. Hopefully no females listen to this podcast. Surely not. I'll get personal letters written in blood. It's true. You must communicate your needs and build that level of understanding to go, hey, put your hand up. I'm playing in this game. To start waving it. Yes. I'm not asking for much. I'm busting 12 hour days. I'm doing the bathroom renovations for you. I'm doing this, this and that. It's like, okay, well, I'm doing it for myself too, so you guys need to take ownership of that. I'm doing this for me because I feel like more of a man when I put food on the table. I feel like more of a man when I can build things around the house. I feel like more of a supportive husband when I. You go and do whatever you want with your friends, with yoga and exercise, blah, blah, blah. Hang on a minute. Where's Dad's time? Let's look at the calendar. Fuck. There's not even 10 minutes. You got to communicate your needs, man. Otherwise what you're doing is you're creating hidden deals under the table. I've seen this happen with the Italian side, the Italian culture on my side of the family being half Italian. Hidden deals under the table. Give, give, give, give, give, give, give. Sacrifice, sacrifice. Everything for the families. Okay, my turn. Oh, where is everyone? Everyone's left. Doesn't work that way, man. Ask and you shall receive. But it starts with asking of yourself first, what do I need for me? How can I time block that? You work out your weekly schedule. My work's last. When I'm organizing my structure for the week, it's like, what do I want to do for me this week? I'm going to train here, here, here. I'm going to go for a walk here. I'm going to do this, this and that. Okay, cool. What do I want to do with the family? No worries. Okay. Where am I going to work in between this? It's true. I'm telling you. Even if you work a 9 to 5, that's even easier for you because it's already sorted. 9 to 5 is done. Just block that out. Okay, cool. What am I going to do between 6 and 9 in the morning? And what am I going to do between 5 and 10 at night? For me first. Cool. Is there a little bit of leniency bit of leeway I can do me tomorrow and do the family to beautiful. Lock it in. You must serve yourself first. But then communicate those needs. Because if you don't, your family won't understand. They won't see they've got their own problems. Your children have their own problems they're sorting out. Even if they're two years old, they've got their own shit to sort out just like you have yours. But as fathers, as men, as providers, as protectors, as hunter gatherers for our family, we absorb all of theirs, we take on all of their burdens at what cost? Well over a period of time. Chronically yours. Telling your men this is a game changer. Where do you need to apply the three piece set in your life right now? Which relationship? Is it you with yourself first? Is it you with your wife, with your children, with your work, with your business, your colleagues, your apprentices, your family members? Leadership through action. First listening and asking, maintaining personal integrity and not being a punching bag. And needs. Communicating your need. This is what I need for me. This is how I feel. Like someone can't argue that even if your needs are feelings and emotional based, they're yours. They're your feelings. Your wife can't say you're wrong. What do you mean this is how I'm feeling. You can't tell me I'm wrong. This is how I'm feeling. But what are the facts that have led to those feelings? That's where you get stuck. That's where there's breakdowns. Because needs aren't being met through facts and feelings. Which will be one of my other podcast episodes shortly, about having a subjective viewpoint, an objective viewpoint or goals or tangibles or measurements or metrics to gauge progress. Life. That'll be another episode wrapping up. I hope this has served you well. The best communication, the greatest form of communication, the greatest way that you can communicate as a man in the world to get everything you want in life. I'm telling you everything you want. Life is relationships. What's relationship? What's connection? What's connection? It's a form of energy. What's energy? Life. Rinse and repeat. That's the cycle. The best communication, the greatest tools that you can have is one. Show, don't tell leadership, actions. Two Listen. But listening properly. Not just dull, dead, void, punching bag, submissive supplicating, none of that shit. Proper listening and asking and then needs communicating. This is what I need. Is what I need for me too. I'm happy to do this, this and this for you. But can I have something for me? I mean, if you do that long enough and everyone you love and care about keeps saying no or shooting you down, you got some problems, man. They're not in your corner. No way. I'd be very surprised if you did that and then that was received. I'd be very surprised. Especially children. But again, this is the skill sets, right? Apply it to yourself first. Well, hey, I know you guys aren't really agreeing with me going out on the boat fishing, but I agree with you too. Like, I go out every Saturday all day, and then I go golfing with my mates on Sunday. So maybe some of you guys have gone too far the other way. It's like, okay, maybe, maybe I just that once a fortnight. And you're holding on too much to that. And you're not a great father because you're not actually investing the time in growing and nurturing your children. Maybe, I don't know, Like, I'm not pointing fingers here and saying what all that action is is wrong because Monday to Friday you could be doing phenomenally well. But this is just about asking questions, prodding and poking your own headset, headspace, habits, routines and communicating that. Look, I want to do all these things for you, but dad needs to be 100% so dad can give you 100%. I want to start exercising twice a week and going for a walk twice a week. I'd love it if you all come with me one of those times. But one time, you know what? I just want to go off and walk on my own without my phone and have nothing. Nothing but the noise of nature. Leadership through action. Listening and asking, needs, sharing yours. Apply this to your life immediately, mate, and I promise you, you'll have some great dividends that will be coming your way. That's for sure. Hope you enjoy this episode and it served you well. Make sure you tune in for more later on in the week. And like I always say, apply this. But ask yourself quality questions where you continually tweak and refine. Just get those 1 percenters every day. That can get you moving forward in the right path. And the right path, the greatest path that any man can have, modern times, is that through being a phenomenal communicator. And when you apply the key three, the three piece set, I promise you, mate, you won't go anywhere near failing. You will absolutely flourish and thrive in life 1,000 minutes a day. It's a lot. But when you're wasted on shit that doesn't serve you or move yourself or your family forward. You are bleeding, the most valuable resource that you and I never get back. How much time do you think you have and how much quality do you think you've had? Don't be a fool like the masses thinking you'll cheat the system or get round to it one day or worse. Just accepting life and sinking back into a slumber of regret. This is your moment, your time. You're cut from a different cloth. You have the hunger and desire to be more and live more, otherwise you wouldn't be here. So stand up, find the golden nuggets in this episode you just listened to and align immediate action with them and where you want to go. You are worthy. This is your life. You are the king and this is your kingdom. Now go and claim it by showing, not telling and be the real leader. You and I both know you were born to be.