151. The Secret To Winning

Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. The point and purpose of these episodes, as always, is to have a point and purpose towards helping you win the second half in life by building a path of becoming the best father, husband, man and member of your community that you can be. We do this with various ways of connecting. Life is connection. And as you hear these words spoken time and time again, know that the driving force of connection in life is energy. Which means that how you turn up as a father, as a husband, as a valued member of society will always start and end with how you turn up as a man within yourself. First, this is why it's my mission, my purpose, our mission, our purpose through Real Dad Movement to inspire, motivate, educate and guide you into thoughts, feelings, actions and a change in your belief systems to rise up, cut the shit from your life and live and leave a real legacy. When dads win, everyone wins. And when you win, I win. Let's get moving forward, mate. Right here, right now. The secret to winning. What a title. What? What a title. You've got me intrigued, Al. What is the secret? The secret isn't some sort of trinket or shiny object or silver bullet. Let me be clear on that one. But I want to invite you into this episode with an open mind to really create a different perspective and a different attachment to certain words, certain actions that you have tied meaning into, which has fucked you up over time, because it has. What does that actually mean? What do these words actually mean? What does a word actually mean to you? What does that look like to you? As part of one of the videos I did in our coaching group, obviously we have a coaching group for fathers for free on Facebook. It's awesome type in high performance father community. You can join that right away. We'll have a look and make sure. Obviously, it's a dickhead free policy and there's no selling in there at all. So there's nothing but coaching and value inside that group. But I spoke about integrity, Integrity versus integral, and what it actually means. Because what we find ourselves doing, men, is tying in certain beliefs, certain hidden trades or deals or understandings to specific words. And those specific words create glass ceilings inside of our life where we make assumptions which will fuck you up. Where we make the wrong moves, but we think they're the right moves. And where we ultimately find ourselves in a tailspin that then becomes a whirlwind of life that we're chronically accustomed to as being the normal and we can't quite find our way through or Break out of. That's why this is a very powerful episode. But I need. I need you to start this with an open mind when I'm talking about the secret to winning. It's not a secret. The secret is actually you. Your approach. Well, the secret isn't you. But the secret to implementing the secret to winning is you. This is the thing you need to understand, man. You are your greatest asset. The second you forget that is the moment that you become your greatest liability. Because if you feel you are the problem and you continually hammer home with that without giving to yourself. I don't like self improvement, self development, personal development. Unfortunately, that's been commercialized and the core has been ripped the fuck out of it with actually what it should mean. Not fluff and feelings and motivation and mindset set pieces, as opposed to a completely different approach to creating a shift in your identity, physically, mentally, emotionally, to that which is connected to you, which is connected to your life, which always starts and ends with you. You are the common denominator. So if you keep thinking you're the problem, you are. I agree with you. I'm not here to argue with you. Hard part is, though, if you are the problem and everything's your fault, so to speak, if you want to throw a blanket approach over everything, well, then that means you actually have more control than you think, because you are the solution. Which means everything can be your victory as well. And these are the victories that you must rack up and build and develop towards winning the second half in life. So just before we dive into the secret to winning. It's fascinating, man. When I look at this, it's part of a book that I'm writing called in the Storm. And it's really interesting because I'm not 80 years of age, but I don't need to be either. You teach me more than I'll ever teach you. There's way more people out there than there is one of al. But my skill set and what I've developed over many years and thousands of fathers is building that acuity of A to B, the alignment. How do we actually make that work? How do we connect that to the man? How do we pull the psychological levers for him, with him, with his terminology, with his points? So we are connected. Not here's a list of questions. I'm just fucking ticking a box and lie down and tell me about your feelings. You will only get so far with some of those different methods. When the service or the provider of service or the person who's working with you works with everyone. People from all walks of life. This isn't a session hacking shit on psychologists, counsellors, personal trainers, you know, support groups. What I'm saying is the reason why what we do is the fucking best is because you are all that we do. The father. Yes. You listening to this right now? You can't dive deep if you're spreading your message, your service and everything you do thin across the board for everyone. Of course alignment's important for a child, important for a mother, important for a grandparent. Of course it is, but that's a word. How do you actually do it? How do you apply it? And this is an important thing that we all need to recognize when it comes to connecting and developing the skill sets that are going to move you forward in your life. So, yes, winning the second half in life. Where now, where is it won? Where do you think it's won? Do you think the second half is won? From a point of reflection, when you are on your DeathBed, in your 70s or 80s or 90s, looking back over, done, man, the deed is done. That ship has sailed. Well, is it in the first half hour? Maybe. I mean, I don't know. It depends on how you leverage the first half. The things that you've learned, the wisdom, what you've. What you've taken to shift and adjust your approach, the different pressures. Less risk, less stress. When you are younger, less on the line, for sure. But you're not in the second half yet. Well, what is the second half? I've got mates who died in their 30s, so their second half started in high school. Winning the second half in life comes from the glue that combines the front end and the back end of your life. The first and the second half, it's the transition. The game is won or lost in the transition. Yes, there may be an exception to the rule. We're not talking about exceptions to the rule. We're talking about a common theme for all of us. And the exceptions to the rule are always one from a position of perspective. Do you know all of their truths? Are they speaking all their truths? Was that always the case? You don't know that, right? I'm not saying people are liars. The unicorn that might fly in and defy the odds, but ultimately there's a 20 year transition. That's how you win the second half, man. 20 years. It's a 20 year transition from your early 30s to your early 50s. That's where you win it. That's where it's one or lost. That's where there's breakdown. That's where there's half the population divorced by the age of 46. That's where there's mental breakdowns, that's where there's physical breakdowns, health issues, scares, people dying, cancer, heart attacks, strokes, and I'm not just talking about obesity, but all the moving parts that ultimately create a chronic state of inflammation and oxidative stress which destroys your mind and your heart and your spirit, man, like the vessel of life is lived through the human body. So if you don't fucking respect that and put value into that, what hope do you have for anything? I don't care how good a father you are or how much your feelings dictate that you love your children, how much do you actually love yourself, man, if your body's falling apart? That's the crazy part, man. 20 years, that's where the game's won. I'll dive into that obviously in a bit more detail in, in the book that's coming up soon, but 20 year transition, it's connecting the first and the second half. And in that is the storm. That is the connection point to go, man, I need to fucking win. There is no alternative. Because at the end, as messy as life is, as gray as life is, as much as there's shitstorms everywhere, which creates clouded judgment, creates a fog where we can't quite see, we don't know what direction we're heading in the chaos of life with all the moving parts, at the end of the day, if you can, you should, which means you either win or you lose. Isn't it funny, all the mess, all the lists that we all have of the good, the bad and the ugly in life, it always comes down to some universal truths and a binary nature. Yes or no, win or lose. But there's more to life than that. Of course there is. And the mess of life, the more to life than that? It's not as easy as that. It's not as clear cut as that. No, it's not. The pathway isn't. Absolutely not, man. The journey's messy as fuck, but the outcome, yes, it is. I don't like working with opinions very often, talking about experiences and not just my own, many men. So when you're asking me, what have you done? You're not 50 years old yet. I don't fucking need to be because guess what? I've worked with fucking hundreds of 50 year olds and you're only one 50 year old. So don't you try and fucking question what we've done. When you're Only living life through one eyes. One set of eyes. And we're living through fucking hundreds who've done way more than you when you cast your fucking stones of judgment. That's just a little shout out to the haters on some of my ads who think that time equals runs on the board. If that's the case, why aren't you all fucking sitting down like good little boys and girls and listening to all the people in old folks homes that are filled with fucking regret and filled with loss and filled with shame because they didn't fucken stand up and take action. Why don't you find the oldest person here and if they did fuck all with their life, doesn't matter mate, cause they're 90, you should listen to them. That cracks me up man. It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years that separates men from being flakes to being real men, from being a leech to being a real leader. The secret to winning. Commitment. I'm going to try and position, as I do as a skill set, as many different perspectives as I can for you without flogging the word commitment to death. But that is the word, that is the secret. The secret to winning in life is commitment. But first, if we're going to really dive into this and peel this back, because this is one word, like I said, I don't want you to think, oh, yep, there we go, that's it. Let's, let's shut off the podcast. The end. Thanks Al. Commitment. It's just a word, okay? It's the energy behind the word and the symbolism that you will take away from this in this episode. What is commitment? What does that look like? If we're looking at the definition, which I haven't looked up in the Colin Gems English dictionary or whatever dictionary is rolling around these days. You know, commitment in our terminology and the way that we work on the inside is you fucking do what you said you would do. I'm not big on swears, you know that if you follow me long enough. But you got to put some oomph in this man. Do what you said you would do. You do what you said you would do. It is an agreement to follow through and do what you said you would do. But hang on a minute, Al, there's gotta be some sort of lead up to that, doesn't there? Yes, of course, of course there is. So your commitment to do what you said you would do is really a funny one, isn't it? Because we're reflecting after the Fact, a commitment is al I am going to do what I said I would do. So what is a commitment then? It's lots of different things, man. Like it's your words. What are the words you're speaking? Yes, of course. It's your actions that's showing you are committed. Absolutely. Your thoughts. When we're looking at commitment, there are so many different points of play here. Words, thoughts, actions. Okay, let's have a look at this. Actions before the actions. Like what is when we look at habit stacking when we're looking at this and we're stacking habits together to find and get to that keystone, the big one, whatever that big one is for you, which is really a small habit when we're looking at it. But what are the micro ones that build to the big habit and the big action? Words, actions, thoughts. Let's break that down. Okay. You know, I'm gonna have some honey and handsome time with my wife. Or what does that look like? I'm gonna speak the words. Corinne, when are we gonna have some honey and handsome time this week? What's your week look like? Because I gotta tell you fellas, like I. And I'll do this on another episode. When it comes to time blocking, this is the order on how all of you should be setting your week up. Me first. And that's. That's not Al. Al first. Here's my calendar. I'm going to put Al first. Every single podcast episode. When I say mean, I mean you. You obviously know that. So pretend I'm you. Me first. That's right. Then my family. When there's flexibility from which what it is that I want to do for me and there's a lack of flexibility for which what it is that I want to turn up and do for my family, of course I swap and switch. So if I want to get up and train at 5am, but it doesn't quite work because it's been a shit night for the kids and for the missus and for me to the point where I'm going to take the load this morning and I'm going to be cooking breakfast for the children, making sure they looked after so Karine can get a couple of hours more sleep and so on and so forth. Because I know that I have the flexibility to train at 4 o' clock this afternoon. I'll change it. Like, don't be fucking ignorant or stubborn to the fact of the order of this. But yes, man, you first. What do I need to do? Because workers last. Even what I'm doing Here I run my own business, right? We've got. We've got an amazing team. We've got multiple businesses. And with this, they all tie into Helping Serving Fathers, our dad's strong online store, which is fucking amazing. It's so cool. And then obviously all the. All the different products, services and programs and courses we have tied into that as well as obviously high performance Father, our program. I still create a structure of going now, you know what? More often than not, I'm going to be working 8 till 4, 9 till 5. Like I standardize that. It's just easy because I don't have to think about it. And then, yes, there's some coaching sessions I do. Friday night, lights out, charge ups. And there's times where I'm working 8 till 10pm and I adjust around that, but I create that structure because then I don't have to think about it. So it's almost like, all right, that area is grayed and blacked out because we know that's just a given. Okay, me first. What do I want to do for me? What I want to do for the family? Does it collide? What type of collision is that? All right, let's reorganize it a little bit. Can I do this somewhere else? That's why the pattern of performance is critical, right? Systems. What's the order of things? Behavior, mental approach, frequency. How often are you doing it? Not too much, not too little. And being aware of that and have it, that's a part of your belief system, who you are. It's ingrained in your identity. That's important. All right, so when I'm doing that, me first, family second. Making sure that blends in nicely. And then work third. Okay, what am I going to do with my work and the hours I have? When are we having honey and handsome time? Bang. Commitment of words and building connection and communication. Okay. What? Does this look beautiful? Let's write it on the board. H+H. Thursday night, 8pm and then in brackets or when the kids go to sleep. They're a nightmare at the moment, man. It's crazy. It's so good. So good. Isn't it funny I say how good a nightmare is? You got to look at that side of how fast life goes, you know, and not resent the hardships that our children expose us to. You can't just become a bitter old man. Like, fuck, they're only going to be three once. Eight once, 12 once, 18 months. Don't take that shit for granted, man. H and h time, Friday, 10am breakfast after swimming lessons with the kids. Perfect. These are the commitments. This is what we are going to do. I'm committing to this by giving you my word, by writing it down in an area where it's easily seen for all of us, every day. So today's Monday. Today's Thursday. All right, Friday. We've got that Friday morning. Today's Sunday. What are we doing this Tuesday? And then having that as part of my thoughts. What are we going to do? I've got this beautiful. It's like a glass pen with these little engravings down near the bottom. So you dip it in ink. It's awesome. It's so cool. And it's like one of the old feathers or the quills where that the ink will just sit in there, and as you write, it comes out. It's like that. But it's this beautiful glass artwork with these little rounding engravements down near the bulb, which then becomes a point. So once you dip it in ink, this beautiful artwork. And it's got all different colors. I bought this for my wife as a surprise. Wasn't very expensive as well, if you want to know what it is. Awesome present. I've got no affiliation with my. Just saw it. I was like, man, this is epic. My wife wants to write children's books. She's in the process of that. So cool. And the ink lasts forever. What are we going to do? Let's put some thought into this commitment, and let's think about that. Well, this is what we're going to do for our honey and handsome time. We're actually going to do some cool stuff, and I want to see how this works, and I want to play around with it as well. Perfect. Unreal. Because she loves artwork as well, and I enjoy seeing her. I mean, who doesn't enjoy seeing, you know, their other half happy? As long as it doesn't come at the chronic cost of ourselves. Of course not. You know, it's fantastic. Like, this is what life is about. I keep saying to you, you're important. This is about you. This is about your life. What are you directly connected to? Your family? Of course you are. You can't downplay that. They don't define who you are, but your actions define who you are to them. I should write that down. I'll listen to the replay. That's a pretty good quote, actually. Can someone email me that adminaldadmovement.com just to remind me of that. That's a fantastic quote. We'll put that up and post it out there. Fellas. Commitments. How do you start to initiate and build a commitment? It's all those things I said. Your words, your thoughts, even your feelings. You're painting that vision, painting that picture with your wife, with your children, with your work, your colleagues. What does the end game look like? Deadlines are powerful things. You're putting in all these different areas. These different areas are. They're points of exposure. They are points of reflection. What are they points of reflection of, Al? Well, they're points of reflection of whether you're owning, living up to and setting a standard of truth or whether you're a fucking liar. Because we can all lie to ourselves, can't we? And I've done that plenty. We all have. The question is, where and at what stage in your life did you draw a line in the sand and go, you know what? I'm going to live and become the embodiment of truth. Are we all perfect? Of course not. But you know what, Al? I'm going to be hitting that 99% where I am a man who's committed. And if I'm not, I can't. What does that look like? Well, I'm sorry, I can't commit to that right now. I can't give this the energy and time it deserves. I cannot do this. This is what I'm talking about in my other podcast episodes, when I talk about you investing in yourself, when I'm talking about you bringing healthy boundaries into play and saying healthy no's. Don't over commit and say all these yeses and then fuck yourself in the ass, mate. Because then you're building a pattern and a belief system that you've allowed to influence you, that is creating the identity that you don't align with and you're obviously not happy with. This is the secret to winning men, commitment. But it's a little bit more in depth than simply presenting a word and saying, hey, you said you'd do this, go do it now. I'm not here to bring out the big philosophical book of going, all right, well, this is spirit. This is science. Let's find somewhere in between. Or let's just call a spade a spade. No, this is just about helping you explore your own head, your thoughts, and just open yourself up to different perspectives that I'm applying here to one simple fundamental word that actually is the difference between failure or success. Because it is man. You over commit, you'll be fucked. You don't follow through. You're not peeling the layers back. Well, you don't even get to ask yourself the quality Questions of you're scratching your head, sitting there going what am I actually committing to Al? That's right. That's the next one. Let's peel that layer back just a little bit. One onion layer at a time. What kind of commitment are you making? And that's not necessarily long, short, heavy, light. It's very simple. Like are you making active commitments or passive commitments? Are these commitments improving your life, your circumstances of yourself and those around you that you love and care about Or. Or are they eroding them away with that? Eroding your relationship and your relationships to everyone you love and care about? And here's my point. Secret to winning. Commitment. Yes. How do we start and initiate commitments? Well, your words. And then starting this big avalanche or this big snowball or whatever word you want to use to symbolize momentum. Domino effect. Absolutely. You know, small levels of action that build to the bigger action. I'm going to commit to training tomorrow morning at 5am and I can. Okay, no worries. What are the smaller commitments? I'm going to let my wife know. You know what, no matter what sort of night we have, I've got a big day at work tomorrow. I'll pick the kids up at school. But I need this time for me early. I'm sorry, but that's just how it has to be for tomorrow. Is that okay? Can you do that? Can we work as a team here and getting commitments from others towards a greater cause for the family unit and for you as individuals? Because you'll look after the kids in the afternoon and take that load off her. No worries. I'm going to make that declaration inside of the tribe or the group. I mean obviously we do that with high performance. Father. This is what I'm doing. If I don't guess what, I'm a fucking liar. To 100 plus men who are high performance, high achievers on the inside where it's like, man, you're not in the lines, den. But hey, this is where we're all leaders. We all rise up together and we do what we said we would do. Awesome. I'm going to get my training gear out. I'm going to make sure my nighttime routine is solid. That's locked away. Morning routine is already set. I know what program I'm going to be doing. I've got my gym gear ready to rock and roll. I'm going to go in the garage. I've got what I need to do with my equipment. Bang. These are all the micro commitments that are going to build towards following through on the Actions. And these actions are what are going to define you from most men who take fuck all action. And unfortunately they take a level of action inside of inside of their mind in their internal reality in fantasy land. And then there just becomes either confusion or a hands throwing in the air, or just a frustration or a lack of fulfillment when they look back and go, oh well, this is just the way it goes. Like, well, no, you go upstream and dang, let's look at the map. All right, let's go back upstream. Let's go to the source and let's go to the origin. When. Yep, right there. That's when shit was falling apart. But you didn't do anything about it. I mean, it's, you know, look, I'm not a cold man and I do empathize and it's hard. Like when I see thousands of comments of guys going through court and all different injustices in the world, I get that, man. But what can you control right here and now in your attitude, your mentality, your approach, your responsibilities? Like what's going to lead to you moving forward in your life and liberating yourself again? What's taking ownership over what you can do? Like right now, not even the flip side of that in ignorance, not recognizing you could have done something about it 10 years ago. But some guys don't even believe that it was possible 10 years ago. They just throw their hands up and go, yeah, well that's the way it goes, man, is what it is. I'm like, well, I don't know, is that something you're happy with? Is that what you want your children to talk about when you, when you're past and gone? I don't know. Like, I think we continually evolve. Like for me it's, it's not a pain point or trying to make you feel like shit. None of us are perfect. But for me it's looking my children's eyes and going, yes, you are getting the best. I am the fucking best. And you are getting the best. And I'm going to continually give you the best. When I'm 60 and you've got kids of your own, guess what I'm going to give you the best of. What a parent and a father should be when he's 60 and when I'm 80 and you're fucking 50 and you've got your own crick, I'm going to be giving you the best of. This is how you fucking carry yourself. As an 80 year old, as a father, as a man, as a grandfather, as a great grandfather. And when you build this, man, you, you're building and experiencing and expressing life as a winner. Not coming out the end of that 20 year transition of the first and second half and just broken, falling apart. When you've done so much, you've come so far, you've eaten so much shit and grinded and pushed and pushed and sacrificed and your head's buried in your hands several times. You're emotional, your eyes are heavy and sore fucking black patches under them. And you're just like, man, I can't keep doing this. I can't keep turning up. And you get so far and all it is is just changing 1% left or right, not going it alone, not isolating yourself. And all of these different things you've done for so, so long that eventually become your downfall are that purely because you lack the drive to commit to the right things and to see them and to believe that they're possible. Because you don't believe in yourself and subconsciously you don't think you're worthy. You've given so much and sacrifice and now you just fall to shit. How is that helping anyone? Who does that help? Does it help you wash your hands? Oh, I don't need to do anything else now. Why? Oh, because I'm in fucking hospital and I'm done. Come on, man. And I'm not saying that as a, as a war cry to say, hey, fucking give us a call and give me Money. We have 100 applications a week for our program. Like we need to make sure we're protecting the integrity and culture of our group. It's a phenomenal tribe and we're not a hard ass on that respects either. We're just on the level, man. We're not chasing, we're not pushing away. We're just here to show that you know what? These are the possibilities. What level or layer of commitment do you want to take towards yourself and investing in yourself, us or not? Just giving back to yourself, Time, energy. What kind of commitments are you making? Because if you're not active, this is my point, I've got a good memory, so I know sometimes I'll take eight minutes painting a picture of a point, we'll get there in the end. This is the point. What kind of commitments are you making? Are they active or passive? When I'm saying passive. Here's the thing, like the whole yes and no. When you say yes to something, you say no to something else. What kind of commitments are you making when they're passive, you may be making commitments that you don't even know exist because you're just in fucking autopilot, mate. And that autopilot is almost certainly going to crash the plane. And there aren't any islands nearby. There's just a big fucking body of water ready to swallow you up. And you can go sleeping with the fishes as the being being half Italian, the old wogs. Or is it swimming with the fishes? I'd say it would be sleeping because we know it's too late then. Look, this is what it's about, man, taking charge of your life and actively doing that. That doesn't mean I'm turned on all the time. 24 7. Like when people look at me, it's funny, I have one of my members, I won't name him, but great guy, he's dominating, doing very, very well. And he had a couple of workers and colleagues, runs a great business. He's doing, he's doing great in all areas. And you know, he, he said a couple of his colleagues know of me and they know about me. Were asking like, is it, is it just the front? Was he really like, is he just putting this on or is that just how. And he was like, oh man, he, he delivers the energy that we need at the time that we need it with the direction that we need. And I was like, that's right. I mean, you know, like, am I talking like this with my podcast to my one year old son? Of course I'm not. But is this a front? Like, you know, when people are like, are you fucking positive or you're optimistic or, you know, what's the word? I get passion. I get a lot of guys that they say, man, you're so passionate. I'm like, this is my standard, man. What's the alternative? If I'm not living a level of life by looking after my health, my mental well being and investing in myself. But if I don't love what I put it this way, Let me ask you this question. If you had a amazing health, you're optimized, you had the right tribe in your corner, you felt very confident about where you're going and you just had a sigh of, a sigh of relief. You're like, fuck, man, I just, I know my shit's sorted in this area of my life. Like, relief is a powerful word. I just, I feel relief. How I've got the right men in my corner, I've got the right team, I've got the right structures, the right game plan. I don't have to think about much. I just have to fucking Go and get after it and go fucking claim life and grab life by the balls and win. Yes, that's right. So let me ask, if you had that and you had everything lined up, good physical health, mental health, you looked after yourself and creating space, you've had all these different things, you loved what you do, how would you be. Would you not. Would you not be naturally passionate? Would you not be naturally living life to the fucking highest? Like, I'm not doing this. And then falling apart in the corner going, geez, I hope they fucking bought that today. This is podcast episode 151. Like, how long do you think that would last? I fucking love what I do, man. Like, I. I love what I do. It's no secret. It's just phenomenal. And you know what I love most about what I do? Seeing other people win. That's what. That's what. Seeing other fathers win. Other men win, who break their backs, they sacrifice. You are. You're doing a phenomenal thing. You're sacrificing for the family. I get that. But let's just tweak that a little bit and make sure you're not sacrificing yourself and the family. Hey, you know, I love seeing other men and fathers win. Fuck it. Jacks me up, man. It gets me so excited because that means that I'm winning because I get to be part of their journey. We get to be part of seeing this turnaround that has generational effect, a ripple effect. The 1% we do today equals the 10% that you'll get tomorrow equals the fucking hundred percent you're providing for your children as a launching pad for their own legacy, which equals a thousand percent for what their children will be getting when you and I are long gone or their children's children. I mean, what a fucking gift, mate. We don't have to be here to see it because you already know if you look after your own shit, it's done. Like, I may never meet my great grandchildren. That's a close one. We know a lot of people, they sort of see them on the back end of their life. Depending on how close you have kids together, you might have a great grandfather or great grandmother for, you know, two to seven years of your life. Generally, more often than not, I'm definitely not going to see my great great grandchildren. I don't fucking need to, mate, because guess where the tree is now and where it's coming from and where the stems of the roots and the branches and the leaves, the absolute flourishing nature that that tree will be in our entire family tree is coming from my children and what my children have done with their children and what they've done with their children, then that's their children. Fantastic. We don't need to see that, man, because guess what? We fucking stood up and we showed real commitment. We showed active commitment, not passive commitment. Letting life just fucking punch you in the face day after day without even putting your guard up, laying back against the wall without digging your heels in and going fuck you. And then pushing off the wall and getting back into life. Throw me back in the fighter's ring. Sometimes you need to fight and then other times you need to maintain what you're doing because you are building consistently. And then you'll get some more haymakers coming your way. Bang. Guard up. You need to fight again. I always say this to anyone who's painting a picture of the great that we're doing, or what I am currently doing, or anyone's actions that are moving them forward. Whenever they question them, I always say, what's the alternative? There's some 60 year old checkout chick, bless her, they're not usually that old, you know, And I was just really polite and I asked her how her day was. Like pretty standard shit, man. I mean, that's probably not a great sign of how society is at the moment. But how come you seem so. You seem so positive and, you know, happy and. And I just said to her, what's the alternative? And smiled and she seemed confused. It's almost like you're in a position because you're so passive in your commitments. You're leading yourself down the path of, of wallowing in your own pity and feeling the burn and the pinch every single day, which puts you pit that's hard to get out of. And you keep digging with a shovel, thinking you'll dig your way out. Or you can't even fathom the possibility of what I've just explained. The only, the only possibility and the only reality that waits and awaits and is being lived for so many is actually the alternative. That's not a good sign, man. Like if you are listening to this and that's something you can feel right now deep in your heart, in yourself, that's not good, man. Like you shouldn't be living the alternative. You should be in a position of expressing that leadership through yourself, for yourself and family. So that if that gets challenged by the naysayers, the people who are trying to pull you back down, the crabs in the bucket trying to pull you out when you're trying to get out, carve your own weight. This is why our environment's so important. This is why, you know, we need to make sure the culture of the tribe maintains that level of no bullshit, no fuckwits. We're on the level and we're rising together. If you build towards that, you get a position yourself where people come and ask you or try and challenge you or what you're doing. They can see that you're growing and they're not. You say, no, man, that was the alternative, and that was what I was doing. Not anymore. You know why? Because you're active in your commitments to improving life, not eroding it and having a big fucking chunk of rust go over your wife's heart or your children's eyes. Because the pathway isn't being led by the leader. Commitment is the secret to winning, men. But it goes a little bit further than that. As we wrap this up, I just want you to reflect on what we've gone through in this session. The secret to winning is commitment. Commitment's a funny game. There's lots and lots of little commitments, micro commitments, every day. You got to zoom in to zoom out. You got to zoom out to be able to zoom in. This is the big one. These are the big five steps that I want to take. This is the goal. This is the deadline. Powerful things. I want to create pressure for myself in a controlled manner that's going to help me stretch and grow. I don't want pressure to be thrown in my face. We all break down then. I want to control the adversities as best as I can by challenging myself to grow and become. More commitment. You got to commit. What does that look like? It's putting yourself out there. It's exposing yourself. You say to the kids, hey, this is what Dad's going to do, and this is why. Facts and feelings. You say to your wife, this is what I'm going to do, and this is why. Facts and feelings. And also, this is how. This is how you're gonna win as well, because I'm gonna fucking win. And then the words are backed up with post it notes with boards on the fridge, with boards in your office, post it notes in your car. Whatever you need to do. Because life is full of chaos. Everyone wants a slice of you, man. Everyone wants your attention. Always give me your attention. I've got this for you, got that for you. They don't give a fuck about you. They don't have your best interest at heart. How could they? They don't even get to know you. But isn't it strange when some of you guys do take that step and reach out and we have our consultations, like, man, everything you said is like, you're speaking right through to me. That's right. I'm not standing on the side of the road going, hey, come one, come all. You know what? I can't stand. And it's no disrespect because I've got friends who use this term, but I can't fucking stand when you say we help people from all walks of life. Well, how fucking much can you help them? Because the way that you're going to help a child is a little bit different to how you're going to help an athlete or a teenager, which is a little bit different to how you're going to help a 70 year old with a hip replacement who's a little bit different to how you're going to help a man, which is different to a father, which is different to a mother, which is different to a woman. How? Show me how you're going to help people from all walks of life. Of course our principles are fucking solid. Anyone could use them and adopt them to their life. But when you're looking at coaching and providing a service to someone, you can't do that, man. I don't mean to laugh, like I said, some of my friends just doesn't make any sense. Isn't that crazy? I already know you before I've met you and you already know that. You can see that, you can feel that. But how? I'm not some sort of fucking magician. You know why, mate? Because you're not alone. And I'm not taking away from the stress and I'm not desensitizing the hardships, the pitfalls, the breakdowns, the challenges you've gone through. I'm not saying, oh, toughen up, mate, you know, get a fucking can of concrete, aisle three Bunnings, that sort of, that bullshit. It's just that we all go through it, man. You know, I'm not saying I just grab a number and jump in line. We're all doing that. We all have lists and those lists are unique. Why? Because you've lived and you are living through those lists in your eyes, your perspectives, your consciousness, your heart, that's unique to you. But the patterns are the same. They are the same. The patterns that have led to it, the expressions of energy or lack thereof, the lack of connection and commitment that you've shown in your relationships to yourself. First, when I talk about relationships, people think I'm talking About marriage, maybe. But how can you. Who are you bringing to that marriage? That's my point. The most important relationship is actually your relationship with yourself. And you can't sit back and be a big fucking brave keyboard warrior going, ah, here we go, like, just talking about feelings, blah, blah, blah. Have you not looked into us? Let me show you the fucking facts. Because guess what, mate? I can turn it on like that. I can be the Panda and the Viking and you can too. So when we're talking about emotions and feelings, you tell me how your father or your grandfather's going when he bottled all that shit up. Because it's not good. That doesn't mean we're these new age men with all this toxic masculinity bullshit. Fucking hell. I'll save it. I'll save that one for another episode that's just fucking disgusting in itself. But this is the war. There has been a war on men. But we're doing ourselves an injustice and an in service by not standing up and leading through our own actions. I will say that. But I'm on your side, man. Don't ever forget that. And this is how we know, because we've worked with so many fathers just like yourself, and we can see the patterns, circumstances, specifics, they're all different. So guess what? Our program is different. It's tailored for every individual father, as it should be. It doesn't make sense not to. But the way that we connect as men and the tribe, yes. I'm not saying I understand because I'm not looking through your eyes and I don't live your life. But I know what it's like. There's a difference between the two, and I'll never make that claim either. I completely understand your life, what you're going through, how it is physically and literally impossible for me to step into your shoes and live through your life for a day, let alone a week, month or year. So people who nod their head and say, yes, I understand, you're fucking bullshit. No one understands, do they? But we can't be victims to ourselves, mate, by saying, no one understands and falling down in our own sorrow and saying, I just can't do this. It's not fair. It's. Fuck, man. Who said life would be fair? The law of diminished returns. You know, it's really hard, mate. Like, I don't want to say this, to be a downer. I've really enjoyed this episode and I'm not being a downer when I say this, but you will rarely, if ever, get out what you Put in for a long course of life. You may need to 10x your actions for a 1x return. But I'll tell you right now, when you and I are on our deathbeds, and when I'm on my deathbed, I'm looking out over my family or not. I might pass quietly in the night, but as I'm getting up to that upper echelon of life and moving forward through, moving through and looking forward to whatever awaits, there will be a period where I'll be able to look back and go, yes, all those fucking 10 X's. 100 Xs. Have a look at my legacy. And not in an arrogant, egotistical way. Because guess what my legacy is? It's my children and my children's children, and theirs and theirs. And that's why relationships are important. That's why having a partner in my marriage, or even if you're not, that's why having stability in the household is important for your children, for yourself. And I'll be able to lay back and go, fuck yeah, man, it will all come flooding back for a 50 million x return. But unfortunately, men, the way that it works in the modern world is it's very hard to have that on a consistent level. When everyone's stealing your attention, you don't have the opportunity to reflect nor the environment to support you. To look back and go, yes, this is worth it. This is worth the fight. This is worth the emotion and the action. This is worth standing up and having someone who actually has my best interest at heart and committing to that cause, committing to myself and being active in those commitments, not passive. You can't fucking wait for life to come to you, man. That's really interesting, you know, like, you just, you can't, it's, it's not possible. You can't sit back and wait for an opportunity. You need to go create them. You can't go and sit back and ask for permission or wait for this or look for that. You got to go fucking take it. You gotta go create it. You must. And you push hard to create six opportunities to get the chance at one. But if you do nothing, you'll have no opportunities. You'll have shiny objects. You'll have quick fixes. You'll have temporary moments where you're getting that dopamine hit and you're hitting those hormones and getting that release. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, technology, sedation, distraction, watching the latest series on fucking Netflix, it will all erode away because you are passive in your commitments, which means you're not saying yes to creating active commitments, to doing what you know is right. Making that claim, exposing yourself so you can show people your truth and show yourself your truth because you've got more skin in the game, and then making that a reality to improve your life and those that you love and care about. Because when you do that, mate, I promise you, in a funny twist, not today, not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, but over the course of the next year, you will win. Because that is the secret to winning. But the funny twist in this, as we wrap up, is reversing back to that month, back to that week, back to that day, back to that hour, back to that minute. You've also won because you've stood up and done what many will never do, so you can create and have what many never will. And that, my friend, is the secret to winning and doing it the right way. By actually understanding what a commitment really is, what it entails, and what it becomes. And not just for yourself, but, but for your children. 1,000 minutes a day. It's a lot. But when you're wasted on shit that doesn't serve you or move yourself or your family forward, you are bleeding the most valuable resource that you and I never get back. How much time do you think you have and how much quality do you think you've had? Don't be a fool like the masses thinking you'll cheat the system them or get round to it one day or worse. Just accepting life and sinking back into a slumber of regret. This is your moment, your time. You're cut from a different cloth. You have the hunger and desire to be more and live more. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. So stand up. Find the golden nuggets. In this episode, you just listened to and align immediate action with them and where you want want to go. You are worthy. This is your life. You are the king. And this is your kingdom. Now go and claim it by showing, not telling, and be the real leader. You and I both know you were born to be.