154. The FIFO Flyer

Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. The point and purpose of these episodes, as always, is to have a point and purpose towards helping you win the second half in life by building a path of becoming the best father, husband, man and member of your community that you can be. We do this with various ways of connecting. Life is connection. And as you hear these words spoken time and time again, know that the driving force of connection in life is energy. Which means that how you turn up as a father, as a husband, as a valued member of society will always start and end with how you turn up as a man within yourself first. This is why it's my mission, my purpose, our mission, our purpose through Real Dad Movement to inspire, motivate, educate and guide you into thoughts, feelings, actions and a change in your belief systems to rise up, cut the shit from your life and live and leave a real legacy. When dads win, everyone wins. And when you win, I win. Let's get moving forward, mate. Right here, right now. Just check sounds on the mic so you can hear me pretty clearly, mate.

Yeah. How am I? Good. Yeah, good. Really good.

Let's tweak the volume here. I don't know what the episode title will be, mate. We'll think of one by the end. I'll pull out some sort of nugget from what you share with me, but I'm sure we'll find something great to title it. We can't say fireman. Yeah, we'll think of something.

We'll come up with something as we go.

We will, mate. We will. The number one, Troy. You know, we got like eight Troys in the group. I think we have five some.

Yeah, four or five. I think they just kept on growing.

I think the Troys and the Bens have probably taken the cake in terms of names. Yeah.

It's unusual to have so many Troys in one group.

It's a pretty unique name. I think it's a reasonably unique name. I haven't known too many, but there definitely won't be any more Amesbury, so I don't think that's for sure. Cool. We'll crack on into it, man. It's all looking good. Welcome to another episode that we have here, which comes with a special guest, Mr. Troy Bockup. Welcome, Troy. Thank you for joining us, mate.

No problem. Thanks for having me.

It's something that I've wanted to do for a little while. I know we've probably mentioned it maybe a couple of times, but Troy's been with us for a period of time now. Where, Actually, how long have you been with us for Troy, exactly?

Oh, I know you're asking. Over 12 months. Yeah, over 12 months, maybe or something like that. Last year?

Yeah, maybe 16 months or shit. Don't I sound like a bad coach doing a podcast? I don't know. Our anniversary made our date. It's like, if this happened with my wife, I'd be in trouble.

Yeah.

It'S been a great journey, nonetheless. Nonetheless, mate. And what I love most is the very first time when we met, I pronounced your name wrong and you corrected me on it right away. I was like, now there's a man who's direct. And I like that. I remember saying. I can't remember what I said as your last name. I might have said bo chop. I'm not sure. Like my name. With Ranieri, we probably get a bit of a mix, don't we, mate?

Yeah, definitely. I haven't found many people who can pronounce it right the first time.

Yeah. What's the heritage of that?

It's originally, like, I'm a Kiwi. It's originally Scottish, French, going way back in generations. So, yeah, I think our ancestries ended up being Scottish.

I didn't realize you're Kiwi, mate.

Yeah. All Blacks all the way, man.

I hope you enjoyed this podcast episode. We're going to wrap this up right now. We're out of here. Especially when you bring up rugby union. Salt into the wood. He could have brought up cricket. That would have been a bit better. The only cricketer, what's his name? Ross Taylor. Mary. I think he was playing cricket. Anyway, look, it's awesome to have you on here, mate. And actually, that's really interesting. You've gone from New Zealand all the way to Western Australia.

Yeah. Now I'm in the northwest of Western Australia. So we left New Zealand in 87, came over. My parents brought us over. Started off in Perth and then my wife and I took off to Kalgoorlie in 2002, 2003 to start looking for work in the mining industry. And then, yeah, now we're in Port Hedland. We've been up here for 12 years.

What a journey, man. That's awesome. Now, I'm looking forward to diving in this, into this session with you, Troy. And for all of you listening, what I love most about us is, A, we don't sell, push or pressure anyone. B, we love showing, you know, we love showing the results and sharing that this isn't a war cry to say, hey, fucking sign up and give our money this is going, hey, you know what? There's a father out there who's winning and he's doing the right things by being a leader, standing up and showing. And when he falls down, he gets back on the horse. And let us tell you a little bit more about him. Let us show you his story. And I don't like saying, because the thought came into my head as I speak, obviously things come through of what next to say and I can't stand things like, you know, he's a dad like every other dad or he's just, he's just like you or, you know, dads from all walks of life and all this sort of shit. It's like, no, no, no. What, what we do and what Troy's done is, is unique and it is rare because more often than not in society, most fathers bow out and settle to a state of shit over a period of time that ultimately they fall apart. And that's why I love what we do. That doesn't mean you have to be part of our membership to be, to be the one that, you know, we're not making a point of judgment or saying if you don't do our membership or if you're not part of our program, you're not a high performance father. It's just a great thing to share, Troy, which I'm sure, as you mentioned, you've listened to, I think you said every podcast or just about every podcast episode. This is about sharing it from another man's voice. I love being part of this, obviously, and interviewing and rolling through this with you, Troy, but it's just great to see other people's perspectives as you would have seen on the inside, mate, because you are on the inside. Most of the coaching and things that we do are built off the back of learning from all of the fathers what they're going through, their analogies, some of their terminology, so we can construct the right keys and cues that connects with them, not just reading a book or doing neuro linguistic program. Here are the fucking magical words that will change your life. So, you know, on that note, I just love for you to open up and just share a bit about yourself, your background, mate, your kids and life up to a point of, you know, before he took the step with us, but just opening up and sharing a little bit more about yourself, mate, and where you've come from.

Yeah, so I'm married. My wife Amanda, I've got two adult kids. I still call them the kids, but they're young adults. My daughter Elise is 22 and my son Rhett, he's 19, almost 20. So yeah, I've got the older kids but I'm still. I think I'm still fairly young. I'm not even late 40s. So yeah, we've been. My wife and I have been together since 91. We got married in 95. So yeah, we've been up and down throughout the years of different things, of moving towns to start a new life in Kalgoorlie, to like going from no work to let's move and start a new career in mining. And then different times from moving there to Groot island, if anybody knows where that is, Golf, Carpentaria. We were going along pretty well. Three months later we're moving back to Perth to live with my parents because we had nowhere to go. So different things there, challenges of that with the four of us living in a house with my parents for a while and then me starting to do fifo. So I was a FIFO dad for four years and then the mine closed down so I was out of work again. And the challenges we had with that were trying to find jobs. And then I got a job up in Port Hedlow. Worked really hard to get that job because initially I failed the medical because I was too heavy and too unfit. I was sitting at 118 kilos. I've just been working every day, so I didn't look after myself when I was on FIFO work. I was the only medic on site. So I'd work 12 hour shift and then be on call all night. And so getting woken up multiple times during the night and just not looking after myself at all. But then that kick of no, you can't have a job because you're not fit and you're too heavy switched something in me. And I did a really big weight loss program of just hitting those shakes. But in the end I knew it didn't work. I dropped 22 kilo in 10 weeks to get a job. And then that kicked off my fitness sort of aspects and we moved to Port Hedland to work for the mining company I'm with. But over the years I've just fluctuated in weight and going down and then back up again down again and just not having the knowledge really to be able to know what I was doing. Then we hit another big road hurdle in 2018 when my son was diagnosed with leukemia at 16. So we'd spent seven months in the Perth hospital system. And then that was just a time of looking after family, looking after him and putting everybody first. Putting the family first and working away with that. He got through that. So we got home again, it's September of 2018. And then from then it was just a bit of a downhill spiral for me where just trying to get over that whole time. I did a bit of got back into my fitness but nutrition wise was just not there. I drank a lot. Like I could go through four bottles of whiskey a week back then. And then, yeah, my wife and I were doing the same thing. So we were just drowning ourselves and sedating ourselves to get over what we'd been through at the hospital system and everything that would been affected due to that. And then after a while I was just like, I can't do this anymore. And my work environment was pretty negative as well, so just not feeling in the right space and not going anywhere. And I was looking, looking around for something to help me change and different things. And I spotted the ads come up. RDM ads kept on popping up. I was like, oh yeah. I started watching them, looking into it. Yep. And I think I sat on them for probably three months for a while just watching them and then they'd pop up again. I'd do a bit of research, put it to the side and then just keep on going. And then I reached out for that first consult and then jumped on board. Once we jumped on board started. Yeah, working through everything. It's been phenomenal. So it's up to now. Yeah. And once I've gotten on board, being able to work through changing mindset, working on nutrition and just working through the whole process and having people to bounce ideas off or thoughts has been phenomenal as well.

Yeah, it's one thing that really separates us, I guess, mate. Not only in our, our ability with the, with the coaches we have in their relevant fields to serve and help fathers like yourself, but having the right environment, mate, that's critical. And I guess before we dive into obviously some of the things that we do or some of the things you've done in your journey, you know, what was it like? We've got a few fifos and we have a lot of guys who connect, man. And it's funny and I'm not judging or hacking shit on the mining industry or anything, but a lot of them talk about a negative environment or just being, it's just being tough. I don't know. I've never experienced a person like, what do you mean when you're talking about before that, like being in a negative environment or what? Like how did that make you feel, man? And what Was that like and for yourself and for your family.

So there's different aspects. Like the mining when I was doing fifo, it's just work. Like you go to work, you leave your family behind, you make a phone call home once a day, like I'd ring home once a night. But you're basically, you go to work, you come home, your food's there, made for you, you sit down to whatever that got served of whatever's on the menu. The only other thing you really have to do is your own washing there. So you either sit in your room or people sit around the bar. I didn't do that because I was on call all the time, so that was great. But you'd sit in the bar or you'd finish work at 6 or get back at 6, 6:30. But you had to be in the dinner dining room because they closed at 7:30. So trying to hit a gym session, I tried, attempted that a few times, was just challenging. Straight after work and then you'd go back to your room, get to sleep, somebody would ring, you'd get up, go and deal with that, go to bed, maybe get up again or go, yep, I'm going to sleep in because of fatigue management. Phone call at 6am where are you? Somebody wants to see you. So then I was doing shorter rosters and some like I was only doing nine, nine days on, five days off, and then it went to eight and six. But you worked for that sort of time frame and you're not, not near your family and you get home and then you spend most of your break trying to recover and then you just turn around again and go again. The advantage I had was Amanda didn't work when I was doing fifo, so we got to spend the time together. Then I don't get like all these guys that do it, but then their wife works and kids go off to school, they're on their day off during the week and it's like I'm home by myself. So that's a challenge for those guys. I much prefer now I do a 12 hour shift, I get to come home each night and I can see the family and do that sort of stuff. And you're in your own environment.

Yeah, that's a tough cycle to be in, mate. When you're talking about trying to tick the boxes, whether it's sleep recovery, performing training, being healthy, but unfortunately one that creates a cycle and soft land too. That entire cycle breaks when you come home and it's like, what's the normality there? Like you Said there are a lot of guys who come home and then they, they're isolated at home or they're spending all that time even if the children, the Mrs. Are home trying to recover or replenish or get sleep or just like, you know, I guess shift workers. And there's all different types of shifts and shift workers and rosters. But that's tough, mate. Like what, what do you say or what are your observations of what that does chronically to a man inside of himself, his health and his connection to his family over a period of years.

That the FIFO time broke it down of being just not as connected because you're not there, the kids are young and you go away. So you miss different school events or different milestones because you're at work because they go, oh yeah, if you want to take time off, you've got to take your whole panel off. So you can't just take off in school assembly. You can't take the one day off because you've got to fly home then fly back. And so it's like taking the whole swing off. And in certain jobs where I was doing was I was it. So trying to find a relief to cover you is a challenge. So that breaks things down as well and causes some issues with the family as long as if you're not connected properly and then if you come home and have your style of doing things but you know the wife has got what she's been doing while you're being away and then you're trying to change it because no, I want it done this way and breaks things down as well. So it was a challenge for us and in the end it was a blessing in some ways that our mind shut down and then we relocated up here. So we originally asked for FIFO because it's like, oh yeah, we didn't want to move Perth but once we've gotten up here it's like, nah, this is better. The town gets a small town. There's 13 to 15,000 people in our town but you're home each night and then you make the town what you make it. But being home each night and connected to the family all the time is great.

Yeah, definitely mate. Sounds like you transition well where it's really hard spot for a lot of guys. Regardless of whether it's mining FIFO or anything. When we're so stuck on the ball of service that we try and juggle with family, self and service, it sometimes consumes our entire life and we feel it, we know we should change it or should do something about it. But unfortunately, too often men will be in that position where they're actually not squaring away and playing the percentages on. Obviously, what you see on the inside trove with sleep recovery, nutrition, mindset, the right environment, the right coaching and accountability. And so what they can bring to the table in the limited time they have is fuck all. They're struggling like they're lethargic, they're worn out, they're burnout. So whatever they have in those other areas, because they haven't given to themselves, generally leads to the one area that the cops are the most, which is family. But, you know, why? What was happening? I guess facts and feelings. What was happening in your life that led to you going, yeah, I do need to do something solid now and change. Not just a diet or a fitness program or something. Like what? What led to you?

Like what?

What was happening in. Not that I'm always trying to just go, hey, what was your life falling apart and turning to shit?

But it's.

It's what defines us, man. You know, like, I'm pretty transparent in the podcast on when I share about, you know, my marriage falling down and me playing the wrong game and just being, you know, fucking ignorant to the challenges of life, which doesn't seem like it was that long ago, but seems like a lifetime ago now, back in 2016, 2017. So I'm all for that transparency, man, but I'm just always curious as the man because I love seeing the A to B and charting where he's come from and what was, I guess, affecting you in your life, mate, and how you're feeling about your life, where it was going, and wanted to warrant to change something properly.

I figured reflecting back, it was like all I was doing was looking after the family and service side of things and not looking after me because when I was at work, all I was doing was working. And after work, I was working sort of area as well, because being in the medical emergency response, everybody wanted you for something at certain times. And then I get home and I'm looking after family, that sort of thing. But then it was that spot of I can't get a job because of your, you know, putting it bluntly, I was too fat. So it was like, yep, all right, I've got to do something for me. And that's where, you know, I started focusing on that and not being able to get jobs during that time. So just doing contract work and not having a reliable thing, so it's like not being able to put my best Foot forward in the end was that was affecting me of like, oh, yeah, I can't do anything. I've got to be able to get some more work on myself so I can support the rest of my family and get a career again or get a new job so I can support them and support me. But then, yeah, I've just kept that going for a while. I'll do the fitness and that's improved my mindset so I can help the family a lot more along the way.

Yeah, it's amazing how connected it is, mate. Not that we advertise per se as a fitness program. It's just, you know, it's our second pillar, energy. It's a critical component of life as a whole because again, I've all the goals in the world. You can have all the support in the world. What drives your life specifically is you, the body and then the body's representation or connects directly to the mind. You know, everything we do physically, mate, as you know, it affects us mentally and how we feel and whatnot. And, you know, what, what do you think would have been the alternative if you didn't do something or if you didn't rise up or if you didn't reach out to us and take that step? Like, where do you think it would have potentially gone for yourself? And I guess also where it seems to probably lead for a lot of men, unfortunately, as they move through their 40s.

Yeah, it could have been, you know, I would have left for me, being more into a depressive state. Like I was not clinically, like diagnosed as depressed, but I'm pretty sure I was close to it and that state there. And my wife and I weren't very connected at the time with just due to things, how it was happening. And then I was a lot fairly negative a lot of the time I'd get to work and I'm here and I'm just there. And then I'd come home and I'd be crabby. And so the only thing I'd do would just sit there and drink at night sort of thing. So I'm sure if I kept on going down that there were some relationship breakdown happening and me just still stuck sitting in a bottle sort of area. So the turnaround has been phenomenal. I think going through things were since I joined rdm, biggest thing I didn't start off with going, I started off as I need to lose some weight and you guys are going to be able to help me with that. That didn't happen to begin with. I worked on My mindset initially and working on that has been the biggest bit to help me through and having the team to be able to look at what I've been doing and how I can focus on different things has helped me phenomenally and then it's helping our relationship go along as well connected as we go. So, yeah, things have improved a lot.

Yeah. What. Why do you think men who were in that similar position to yourself, why do you think they don't do something like they don't believe or they're stuck in a rut or why do you think they actually don't do something?

Yeah.

What do you think they actually. What do they want or what do they need most? Define, especially if, you know, because we've got a fair few guys, country and rural and five folks who listen to this sort of stuff like, why do you think they don't step it up or turn it around and what do you think they want or need?

I think there's a lot of pride and I. On the bloke, I've got to be able to just push through in some of the generations that just stick there. And I was like that for ages as well. Where, no, I'm all good, I'm all good, nothing affects me. And I, like, I used to help people with, or I still help people with support side of things, but I'd never been through it. But then I had some anxiety attacks during. When I was at work. One day when my son was in. In hospital, I'd come back to work and then I had an anxiety attack there and I was like, what the hell's going on? And that was something that opened up my eyes a bit as well, that I need to be able to make change and spend time for myself. But I think, yeah, a lot of the guys were just getting through and especially in the mining industry, some of them, what we've called is they get stuck in this golden handcuff stage where I can only work. This is where we've got to work because we've made this income, our life and they don't want to change because of that. They can't go, oh, if I leave this sort of job to focus on my family or focus on myself, not going to have the same sort of income or support. But they can change that. Even in the environment, they can do so not relying on just the monetary things of life, look at more outside of it and being able to focus just for yourself, the family, and not buying all these toys that don't give you anything that's what a lot of them focus on. It's just the possessions instead of the connection to themselves and just like walk. You go and walk the street or walk out in the bush area and listen to the birds instead of going and jumping on a jet ski or out of the boat sort of thing.

Yeah, yeah, definitely, mate. I mean, it makes a lot of sense when you're looking at what's more important in life. And, you know, it's not that these material things could be wrong. It's just people let them rule their lives. Or it comes in as a replacement, not in addition to. It's like, well, this is going to replace and justify what I think life or connection should be. It's a tough spot, man. And, you know, it's those who still have that perception and are listening to this, that's okay. You know, money is a tool to be used in this world, but if you're using it at the cost of connection and other bits and pieces, it's more important to life, including stability for your family or children will balance out eventually. You know, the universe eventually balances things out, man.

But yeah, I've been there where I've had nothing, where we've had like living paycheck to paycheck before and been fine and now getting into a spot where we're not having to worry because we're not buying or looking at possession side of things. We're just, you know, focusing on everybody's connected, the health of ourselves and the family and making sure that we're going down our own path.

It's funny, isn't it, man? It's just your life. This is your life, Troy, that you're living through. And they're your eyes, your experiences, your feelings. But what makes life worth living for? I say it should be all men, but I'll say for a lot of men, most men is actually their families and their children. And when I say it should be all, yeah, men, woman, teenager, grandfather, grandmother. They're all labels, mate. If you're a shit person, you're a shit person. The end. But it's funny because as a father, we get caught in this state of chronically giving to the family because they mean so much to us. But then when it comes to the cost of ourselves, I always say this. Everyone loses. And your children and your wife and that which is closest to you, which is immediately outside of you, you're in a circle. It's so important, but it just gets lost because we're in the chaos of chasing a dollar amount or Working down debt or doing something else that justifies a means to an end of our actions. But unfortunately the actions have a byproduct of disconnecting and pushing those who love about further away. What do you. I mean, what do you think these sorts of guys need who are stuck in this, whether they're fifos or not. Guys who just get stuck in this cycle of service and even service and then giving family. But it's not what the family asks for, right? It's what they think they need, which is also a breakdown in communication. But what do you think these sorts of guys need most, mate, that are just stuck in this. In this cycle?

I think they need to take time to be able to look at themselves and go, why am I doing that? Why am I just stuck in that cycle of I'm working family to be able to support the family and talk to the family. Do they want that? Kids are always going to want little things because they're kids. This is the shiny present at the time. But they're going to remember a lot more of the connection with you than they are the little, you know, car or the iPad at the time sort of toy that comes along. You know, if you can make good connections with your family and spend the time with them doing things and you know, that'll reward so much more. And then if you are able to take that time out for yourself so you can just go through and focus on yourself, you'll be able to support yourself and the family a lot more. But it's a challenging one for a lot of people because they get stuck in that rut and it's finding that hole out of the rut, finding their way out so they can focus on that and see what the other side of it's looking at. So they're just stuck in this one circle with the two family and service side of bouncing ball that they're juggling around. But then they haven't. They've dropped the self one and they haven't got much of that self worth sitting there because they haven't thought about themselves. And once they start thinking about themselves and improving themselves, the other two sides of areas will just flourish as well.

Yeah, couldn't agree more, mate. You can't see the way out if you can't see Troy. This is the hard part, mate. These guys are working with their eyes closed. They're just grinding away. And when I say you can't see, what I'm saying is really propping up what you said. It's just stopping Everything slow down, stop. The world and just being present and taking a bit of time to zoom out and reflect. And they think that might be going for a walk with the family or the kids. But hang on, if you haven't given to yourself for so long, you need to do some fucking deep work, mate. Like, you need to actually stop and go, I need to spend a few hours here. What you said before is a great point. Nature, those sorts of things. I need to be in some sort of environment that's just going to create a homeostasis again where I'm not triggered, because you might be triggered at home or in a certain environment. And then that brings in the subconscious, which kicks into gear and you can't. You just. You need peace. You need to stop and have some peace and quiet yourself and go, where am I actually going? And what am I doing? And who am I To those that I love and care about. Have I even asked them? Actually, that's the point for this. Like, you guys listening to this or watching it. You should make it your goal now. Don't make it 24 hours. Like, now. Go to your children and ask them. Say, what do you want from your daddy? Or he might not say, daddy's wrote, because your kids are adults or young adults, but what do you want from your dad?

You know, what do you.

What do you like? What do you like from. From dad or from your father or whatever word you use. Pappy can be anything. But, you know, you should be asking this question, whether the kids are 3 or 13. What would you like from me? What do you want from me? And not doing it in an angry fit of rage, where you're colliding and you're saying, what do you want from me? It's important, mate, because I do that with the kids all the time. And then it could be something as deep as something to do with going to work or staying away from work, because obviously I work as well and my children are at home. They're not at school every day. They're not that age yet. Or it could be something as simple as role playing and putting on tiaras and just fooling around for 15 minutes like, fuck, mate, awesome. So you don't know if you don't ask, Troy. And that's an important thing that too often we can't even ask because we're that busy trying to sort out our own shit in the cows of life, which means we're even too busy to pull back and go, what is the shit? We've actually just dived into and committed to. Is that serving me? Is that serving my family? Why? Why not? What can I do about it? And it couldn't agree more, mate. Like, having that point of reflection is probably one of the best starting points for a lot of guys who might have been in a similar position. What's changing your life? If we fast forward 16 months, how. Why has this been the answer for you? What has that done? Apart from obviously alignment. That's what you said and that's what we've been discussing for the last six minutes. That's imperative. That's the very first pillar of what we do. But how's your life changed, man? What's different?

My mindset's changed phenomenally. I walk in to different places. Even like, biggest example is I walk into my old department because I'm in a comment role at the moment. I walk in there and they go, something wrong with you? You're happy? Because I used to. I'd walk in like before, they'd be asking me how I was and said, I'm here. And that's what they got out of me. Like, I enjoyed the job sort of thing, but I just didn't enjoy the different aspects of it.

That.

That didn't click with me for a while. But then it was guys I only ever saw once a week sort of thing on our handover days. They're like, yeah, I'll go and see them more often. And it's like, yeah, you've got a smile on your face, a bounce in your step sort of area can be. Before you were just at work and dealing with it, you know, now I pop in, I'm smiling, I'm talking a lot more, I'm happy to be there and that sort of stuff. So I think my mindset's improved majorly. And part of that's just the alignment creating space for myself. I used to go and train all the time, but it was just training and it would relieve some stress. But then we started, both my wife and I started walking beginning of the year and like we started off with a minimum of 20 minutes and I've been doing a 3k walk before work. So I get up at like quarter four in the morning and then go and hit a 3K walk, get home at 4:30 and then I leave for work at 5. And so it's like just setting that day to go through and I go and hit the chaos of the job and dealing with people and leading people at work sort of area and I'm just set. So that's My biggest change of going through and focusing on things and just having that alignment to be able to focus on that was learning that took me a bit to get that in of focusing on yourself. But just having, like, being able to talk through that with our dream team of different things and what can I do works really well. So I think, yeah, the mindset's been my biggest change, and now I'm starting to work on my nutrition, learning more about that, and that's working. So, yeah, I'm dropping weight, I'm dropping centimeters, which is making me feel good. My wife's noticing because we're both doing the same thing at the same time as we're going through. So, yeah, and things come along and you just keep on moving, and you can see those goals, and if other people are seeing it, it improves your positivity or improves mine. And then I can just share what I'm doing with other people as well. And then you can get that benefit, because if you can share what you're doing to improve yourself or somebody else, you kind of. You're knowing it's sticking as well. And. Yeah, so you can teach other people. Once you've gotten that sorted through yourself.

Yeah, it's a great point made on the ripple effect of the change that you create. I mean, that's leadership, right? You're showing, not telling. I mean, look, when I say telling, of course, we guide, we talk, we communicate, we use words. But you're standing up and leading by example, mate. And like, how does that affect the household? The energy, the dynamic, the environment? I mean, you control the environment. Doesn't matter how old your kids are. It's your kingdom, your castle. But how does that influence everything you just mentioned, the mindset, taking the right actions, dialing in your body, the chemistry of your health. How does that then carry over into the dynamic of the household, connection with the wife? I mean, the walking, that sounds great, working together. But how does that influence and change the environment and the experiences of others around you that are connected to you changing it really?

Well, my wife and I will go for a walk because sometimes, depending on what roster I'm on, we won't walk together or chill out. Like, oh, yeah, I want to walk on board, walking by myself. So we'll walk after work, but during that, we just talk sort of thing as we're going for. We might walk for 20 to 35, 40 minutes. And we're talking as we're going about different things that have been happening during the day so we can get that communication Time instead of sitting around doing nothing, we're outside looking at things, communicating with other people because people are seeing you out there and then that shares with other people and the kids are seeing it. So we get to. My daughter's not into fitness but she sees what we're doing and the positivity, so that improves with her. My son's down in Perth but he's gets into some of his fitness as well. So he sees that we've been doing walking and we talk to him about what we're doing, which is helping him move along on his recovery as well. So, yeah, it's just improving that and.

Then.

Improving the nutrition in the house as well. Before, we'd be like, oh no, I don't feel like anything, let's go get pizza or something like that. It's like, nah, we're cooking and then we go through and cook something healthy.

Well, a lot.

We don't eat takeaway as hardly at all compared to what we used to. So that's improved as well, which is improving all their health through the whole family.

When we talk about nutrition, that sort of stuff for you guys, it's that second pillar energy. It's so important, man. It's your chemical and emotional health. So it's not like we're trying to be saints like what you've explained, Troy, you know, and say, you can't eat anything that doesn't cut that casts a shadow than a blade of grass. It's just going, well, how am I looking after my health long term? You know, it's not about diets, it's not about being strict or picking a term like paleo or keto or vegan. It's just literally positioning yourself so that your lifestyle of what you're continually turning up as provides the opportunity to have quality energy and output and clarity and focus with that over the thousand minutes that we get every single day. Yeah, we're never getting our time back, are we, mate? I mean, it's critical. That doesn't mean that you slap yourself on the wrist if you miss the mark, it's going, now, what am I consistently doing? How am I consistently turning up for myself, which means I can turn it better for my family and obviously my work. What do you. I'm curious, mate. Like every guy's every, every member is different. But, like, what do you love most about the tribe or what we do? Like, what do you love or get drawn into or connect to the most or get the most value out? Could be one, could be three things. I don't know but like what do you enjoy most about what we're doing and where we're going?

I think the information and the tribe connecting. Like I'm connected with some other tribes but it's like we do certain things and then that's it. We don't, you know, some of the guys connect a lot more than I do. But in the RDM tribe we're talking through the group regularly and you can share what's happening because everybody's doing the same process and you can work through that. I've enjoyed the challenges. I've got a bit of a competitive nature I think in the fitness side of things and challenges. So I think our winter wars that we've done worked really well. The primal pairs is going along well and it's just like, oh yeah, we've got this to do, let's go and do it. And giving you some goals to be able to work with and you know, having the, I think some experts in there that you can bounce your ideas who have been through the same thing that you can talk to as well. So that's good. And I'll, I think the Wednesday catch ups that we do like our midweek mission catch up so you can just listen to guys aspects like what their perspective is on certain topics. Yeah, been really good. So that's one of the areas I've been liking and this has kept me going and focused and it's like one of the first things I do in the morning is just check what's happening, who's been up in the morning and who's at it already. Yeah, so yeah, that's like certain times when I was doing night shift it's like I'd be sitting at night shift and I'd see the first piece of person from Eastern State rise to win or something. It's like, yep, good morning, let's go. And I'm still awake. But yeah, but now it's there's a whole tribe of guys getting up early, hitting the gym and walking and so I was like, yep, let's go. Just give you that extra boost to say I said I was going to do this so this guy's already out doing it. I better go and do that. Doing what I've said I'm going to do and then yeah, some people that can hold you accountable for it.

It's crazy how priceless that is, isn't it mate? Having that accountability and that drive the big and it's not taking away like the quality of what we do is high and the depth of how we work is great but it's just moving that needle 1% every day like that's. That's all we need to do, isn't it? Just moving that need 1%. And it could be passive or voluntary, so to speak. Like you said, you see a guy doing rise to win on the east, on the East coast at 3:54am you might still be working, it's midnight or one o' clock where you are and it's like mate, you can see like you can see the energy as crazy as it is because predominantly what we do is online and we still travel a little bit. But it's been shot to shit the last sort of 12 months. It's just awesome to see that all these guys need is that little touch point of connection and it's connection because their fathers similar to yourself who've stood up and risen and become those leaders. Troy which means the standards are high and it is the competitive in a share don't compare format. And just like the my zone stuff that we've brought in, like it's really cool to see that we can drive each other drive each other by steering our own ships in the right direction and making waves together and just recognizing the others that are flying as well and that's. And the others that aren't, let's pick them back up. Let's get back on the. Because it's cyclical. Like we don't. You're never always flying. You know there's. Even though the last five years has just been exponential growth in many different ways in my life there have always been little, little pullbacks frequently mate and I'm sure, you know, monthly.

So point last night during the catch up last night was one of the guys that he'd fallen backwards back on like fallen over on his plan and everything like that. But it was like, yeah, we may fall over but with all, everything we're learning, we're not falling that far and then being able to pick ourselves back up. So like if I fall over and on my nutrition side of things, it's not going all the way back to having a full, you know, triple, you know, quarter pound of burger and all this sort of stuff. It's like, no, I'm only coming down so far. You know, I'm not going back down to rock bottom because of the skills we've learned and the people who are there. And so you just pick yourself up a lot easier with that. The challenges along the way, like seeing Amesbury was set off that the running Side of things to get 5k. Yeah, I'm in about the same boat. So I joined in because we were roughly together on this outspeed of running, what we were sharing. So we competed and shared our way along until we got under that 30 minute mark. And so that sort of stuff is seeing somebody who's doing the same thing in the my zone will be able to do that with everybody as well. You'll see the guys doing the certain workouts and push yourself along with them.

It's having that positive influence, mate. You know, like you said, we all have setbacks. Can we get back on the horse and start moving forward again quicker and more often than most can? She hits the fan for all of us. But having that nature where we recognize that with a positive state and with optimism because we keep turning up, we keep taking actions. It's what I really see being the difference between someone consistently making changes than someone else who looks for some sort of quick fix. Whether it's a two day event or this fucking diet program or this mindset session or this motivational video on YouTube, it's like, no, no, we need to keep turning up because there's thousands of different resistances and points of stealing our attention that come into our focus every day to try and distract us and pull us away from focusing on, hey, how can I be the best fucking human I can, the best father and husband I can and turn up and like we say, rise to win. It's like, I don't know if you saw that video I did this morning. There's a little spider in my side view mirror and as a big web, the whole side view mirror is covered now. And he's my little mate, he's just making his way in the world. He's set up camp there and at night time he feasts on the bugs. But it always starts in the quarter small and then by Thursday or Friday it gets big and it slowly gets over the whole thing. And I did a video where I was like, I'm not here to tear anyone's life down, but I obviously got my finger, I cleaned it all away and poor bastard, he's going to come out, he's probably hiding while he's sleeping. He's going to come out tonight and be like, what the fuck happened to my hunting grounds? It's gone. But like what you said, you're developing and acquiring the skill sets you can rebuild. You're breathing, you're living, you can move, you're building on your knowledge, your intellect and building that self awareness and intelligence to go, okay, these are the pitfalls, these are the triggers, these are the environments. How do I remove myself? Have non negotiables, take away the decision making process, stay clear in the plan, declare it. So I'm not just lying to myself. I'm a fucking liar to everyone if I don't follow through. And that's in a genuine light. But these are the points. It's controlled pressure, Troy. We're building our own pressure instead of passive. That comes from the outside. It crushes us if it comes long enough. And that was the point that I did on that little video. As simple as it was, I'm like, he has the skill set to rebuild, so do you. Like, we have the tools to go, okay, life didn't quite happen the way that I wanted it to today or this week or this month or this year. And for a lot of you guys all this last couple of years or this last decade, it's like, well, what can I do? Because the guys do have the fundamentals of living, breathing, being able to move. If they apply a hunger for growth and then the right skill sets, environment and accountability, well, you know, you're one of many as well, mate. You see what happens on the inside, what these guys do with the results they get.

Yeah, there's guys in there with phenomenal results of where they've come in short time, longer times, and they're just keeping on growing with that accountability. And they've got it in themselves already. It's just being able to pull that out and having the support there to do it, to go through and go, oh yeah, I can win. And getting that self belief again that I can win, to be able to move myself forward, I connect either connecting, reconnecting with the family, reconnecting with your own self and your own body. To some guys may not have. We've got some guys who have never seen. I've only just stepped foot in the gym, but they're enjoying that process now. They're being able to move the body and seeing what that can do and improve their life sort of thing. So it's. Yeah, it's phenomenal seeing everybody how they do it.

Yeah, Like Ian, one of our members, he's like fucking 55 and reconnecting with his wife, getting his health together. First time in the gym ever this year. Like, that's just amazing. And remember the gym, like I said, it's a byproduct and symbolism of you actually valuing yourself again. You're looking after this ball of self and you're juggling him well and he's always at the forefront, you know, and he's the one that. From which splays off into the other two because that's where everything connects to. And to see that on the flip side, the chronic floor in the entire world, mate, for fathers is a lack of self respect, self value, self worth, self love. They might not think it, but have a look at yourself. When are you doing yourself for you? What are you doing to invest in yourself? Take time out, create space. It's there, man. It's true. Most guys, they, they lack that. And that's. That's what this is about. Saying yes to the true version of you and no to the little voice inside the judge and the victim that wreaks havoc, man. If you don't, if you're not steadfast at the forefront of where you want to take your life and you're strong enough to handle that, that shit will fuck you up. Like that little voice. I still have him. We all do, mate. Yeah, leaves it's. You got to say no to him and say yes to yourself and the true version you can become. And I guess I'm curious, man, like What's. What's next? 2022, we're not too far away but building a good base to relaunch again into the next year. What does that look like for you, mate? You know, in terms of goals, achievements, any targets that you're looking at or what. What's. Onwards and upwards, mate. What's next?

I've got my nutrition and weight goal, so that's what I'm focusing on there with working on my nutrition. So I've got some more, you know, weight to drop down and that's what. Yeah, the focusing on that to be able to improve, which is, yeah, I know I can do it, I've done it before. And then I'm going to just learning how to do it properly instead of the yo yo sort of dieting and oh yeah, I'm going to drink these shakes for 10 weeks or do something that I can't remember what I've done and then putting weight back on, getting it so it becomes a full lifestyle and setting myself up to be able to succeed in the years to come. So not just a oh yeah, yeah, let's go and hit this for six months and get a great photo for your birthday sort of thing and then turn back around. But I've done it before. Where my 40th. I was nice and slim and it's like now I'm not. So I was like, yeah, but get to that spot where I can stay there and know I can do it consistently and having that education. So that's, that's my biggest goal at the moment is just to be able to work on that process and then just keeping on going with you guys. Speaking in with the RDM and high performance team and it's like, yep, let's go.

Yeah, great, mate. Love it. Like these sorts of goals when we're looking at it. Sometimes people look at these big outlandish things. It's like, nah. And if you, if you hit one habit every two months in family solvent service, that's 18 habits over the next 12 months that'll fucking change your life. Because more often than not you replace. So you'll cut one away and bring one in. So that's 18 shit ones you've cut away. And even if you don't, you'll definitely cut away at least half a dozen. So you've taken away some of the poison that yields are the biggest negative roi because that's not serving you. And then you've brought in the good stuff. Game on. And that's what this is. This what this is about, isn't it, Troy? It's using the right tools and nutrition is a great one to leverage in asking ourselves, well, how am I going to sculpt this, this or carve out this next version of who I want to be, this next identity? Like who is Troy in 2022, who's Troy in 2023? Because that's, that's obviously apparent. Those who don't see it obviously haven't lived or have been living under a rock. Life has changed. It's full of it. You can't do the same thing from 44 to 64, Troy, and think that it will be the same because it's not. The 45 year old version is going to experience different to the 63 year old version. That just is what it is. But great session, mate. I've really enjoyed connecting with you and diving into obviously your life, where you've been, where you've come from, where you're heading and some powerful shares. You know what I love most when I do these sessions, Troy? I actually get a couple of snippets that I can go, that's a good podcast in itself. This is what keeps the ball rolling. Like you and the other guys. I'm like, fuck, yeah. I was talking to one dad and he spoke about gambling. I was like, I don't gamble. So the word never enters My head and I'm like, fuck, that's awesome. I'm going to run with that. Next thing you know, we've got an episode about gambling but the gamble of life and just a different perspective to see the same thing. Just like another father, which is probably relevant for this as we wrap it up, mate, it's talking about, you know, dad not being there, but the dollars are. And that was one of our episodes. You can't replace dad with dollars. That's fucking sad, man. That's really hard. Because you're right. The golden handcuffs, people get stuck, they get caught. We are all paying for our sins or mistakes or whatever you want to call them.

Don't worry about that.

It's just what are we doing about it now to make sure that we learn from those or don't repeat history in a vicious way that not only affects us, but affects those we love and care about most, our children. But what would you like to share, mate, as we wrap this up? Any piece of advice or any final points for a father out there listening to this or dad who's a bit stuck in the pit, in the rut and looking to change or improve?

I think the biggest thing for guys is just to take that time and look at themselves, to be able to see where you are and what you can do. How could you improve yourself instead of being stuck in that rut of just going through of doing whatever you're doing. And that roundabout, can I get off there? How can you get off that roundabout and move forward instead of just spinning around in circles doing the same thing over and over and over again? What can you do? And some of that's just getting out and taking the time for yourself to improve yourself of simple thing. Going for a walk by yourself and reflecting on that and starting with those 1% changes and then they start compounding through. But figuring out that you want to change is the biggest thing, I think. And getting that and then putting that, okay, I want to change. And okay, let's go and do. May not be, you know, it may be silent reaching out here or it may not be maybe reaching out to another mate and going, yep, I want to change. Can you help me keep accountable sort of thing. But can we just do it?

Love it, mate. Great point to finish on. You know, it's igniting the spark, isn't it? You can't, like, if you don't have the kindling and the matches and the tools necessary, mate, you're going to fucking nowhere. And you need to take. I mean, that's what we've said a few times through this, Troy. You need to take that time to yourself, stop the world, stop everything and have a real. Have a real long, hard look at yourself. Not just the shit or what you might be disappointed with, because there's always something that we can improve, but actually looking, having a long hard look at yourself and going, what do I want? What do I want to pursue, to change? Because remember, when you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. So take the time, stop everything, take some time reflecting on yourself, where you're at and say yes to getting better and start carving out pathway, because that means you're saying no to getting worse, which means you're not going to fall in the fucking pit like so many do. You're going to rise up because you're saying, yes, I want to improve, change and become better. Not just for my children, my family and creating stability for them, but actually for myself. Because this is my life. Love it. Troy, thanks for joining us, man. I hope you enjoyed the session, mate. I certainly did. There's plenty of gold nuggets in there, mate.

Not a problem. I'll be listening to this one as well.

Yes. Listening to your own, but something. I'm always a little bit sort of hesitant about listening to a replay. I'm like, just fast forward my points. I can just listen to Troy talk if I can hear my own voice enough. But I love it, man. Great having you on and I hope you guys got a lot of value out of this. It was a phenomenal episode. I just love this stuff. It's what keeps everything growing and evolving because it's not just one source, it's all of us. And it's fantastic, mate, to see your journey and to see where else we're going to go in 20, 22 and beyond. Definitely.

Onward and upward, buddy.

Cheers, mate. Cheers, guys. Yeah, awesome, mate. How'd you find that?

Yeah, it was good.

Good shit. It's ten past two over here. What would that be? Eleven o'? Clock? Yeah.

Yeah.

Nice.

It's still early for me. I've got loads to do for the rest.

1,000 minutes a day. It's a lot when you're wasted on that. Doesn't serve you or move yourself or your family forward. You are bleeding the most valuable resource that you and I never get back. How much time do you think you have and how much quality do you think you've had? Don't be a fool like the masses Thinking you'll cheat the system or get round to it one day or worse. Just accepting life and sinking back into a slumber of regret. This is your moment, your time. You're cut from. From a different cloth. You have the hunger and desire to be more and live more. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. So stand up. Find the golden nuggets. In this episode, you just listened to and align immediate action with them and where you want to go. You are worthy. This is your life. You are the king. And this is your kingdom. Now go and claim. Claim it by showing, not telling, and be the real leader. You and I both know you were born to be.