157. Escaping The Black Hole

Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. The point and purpose of these episodes, as always, is to have a point and purpose towards helping you win the second half in life by building a path of becoming the best father, husband, man and member of your community that you can be. We do this with various ways of connecting. Life is connection. And as you hear these words spoken time, time and time again, know that the driving force of connection in life is energy. Which means that how you turn up as a father, as a husband, as a valued member of society will always start and end with how you turn up as a man within yourself. First, this is why it's my mission, my purpose, our mission, our purpose through Real Dad Movement to inspire, motivate, educate, and guide you into thoughts, feelings, actions, and a change in your belief systems to rise up, cut the shit from your life, and live and leave a real legacy. When dads win, everyone wins. And when you win, I win. Let's get moving forward, mate. Right here, right now. After doing an amazing podcast with one of our members, which I'll release next week. We did it last night. We did the recording. He actually brought to my attention that I used to do a dad joke at the start of every episode. So given it's a Friday and we do dad Joke Fridays on the inside with the Tribe. Fuck the chat. The chat threads are crack up, ma'. Am. Like some of these jokes these boys pull, I thought, why not? Why not? Let's, let's, let's go back to the grassroots of some of the earlier seasons of our podcast show and crack one open. So I'm just looking at one now. I'm definitely going to steal one from one of the dads because there's a shitload here on the, on the inside of our group that I'm looking at. And there's a man and his wife at a counseling session seeing a therapist. And the therapist says to the man, your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? And the man or the husband says, to be honest, I never knew she sold flowers. Ah, fuck it off. What a crack up, man. Fuck yeah. The dads. Your wife never. Your wife says you never buy flowers. I didn't know she sold them. It's. Fair point, fair point. You can't argue with that. Crag up. Crack up. Welcome to another episode, Escaping the black Hole. The black hole. I mean, shit, that's got to be one of the scariest visualizations ever, right? Yeah. Falling. Falling deep into the abyss. Pretty crazy, isn't it? Our life feels like that sometimes, though. And, you know, it's just. It really is the chaos of life that makes us feel this way. But then also, you know, these feelings can become a chronic trigger where we might find ourselves in different situations, but the same shit draws itself in to what we believe to be reality. So completely different environment, different people, places and things, but the same. The trigger creates the same feeling. And it's like a turtle with his shell carrying it through life. This is how it can feel, can't it? Although the shell serves a purpose for the turtle, certainly doesn't for us when we hold onto these feelings and we feel like we're sinking into the black hole at times, you know, a lot of the times, most of the times for us as men, all that's. All that's missing or lacking is really some peace. Some peace and quiet. I feel like I need to buy earbuds sometimes when I come home. The kids are just savage, and it's awesome. Like, they're excited and they're so loud. Far out. They're so loud. But we just want some peace and quiet, you know, we just want to have some calm, some presence and reflect. It was pissing down rain last night. I just sat out on the front porch and I was just watching. It brought Roman out, and he was sitting on my lap, and there's some lightning. It was crazy. It was pretty big downpour. And we're just watching it and it felt great. Like it was just very, very peaceful, very calming. We rarely have that, don't we? And we just feel like we're spinning our wheels and we're getting sucked into this vortex of life swallowing us whole. Hence, we feel like we're getting pulled into this black hole and the gravitational pull or force or. Yeah, we just feel like it's something that's just drawing us in and there is no way out. And we fight. We fight, and then we're doing really well. And then we push and we square a few things away in life. And all of a sudden it's like, yeah, I'm tough. I'm resilient. I can do it. I'm strong. And then one little thing just ticks us off, and it's like, oh, boom. The straw that broke the camel's back. The one of a thousand, right? It wasn't. That one was. That one was the catalyst. Which is crazy, isn't it? Because you are so tough, man. Like, you are. You are so strong. And I mean that. I didn't care if I never meet you. Like, think about it like 1 in 4 trillion to be here, you know, you have to fight against, you know three. Yeah. What would it be? Like 4 trillion, you know, 3, 3,999,999. Like you were the one, you are the one who already won. I mean even that in itself, that just blows me away. Like, how the fuck can you even compute that? Like, we're here and now I started as a tadpole. Like, think about that, think about that. Just, just for a second. Like it, isn't it funny? We just miss the simple things like the pyramids. I mean, who the fuck built those, right? Like, it's just an unbelievable miracle when we see this sort of stuff and it's like, shit, man, look at that. Like, look at that. Just like the conception, like you literally have a fucking egg and you've got a tadpole who fucking moves his tail. I'd know left and right, up and down, racing other tadpoles, like fighting. I remember watching the video, I think I was obsessed with it when I was a kid. The cartoon, where did I come from? And there's old mate, he's the shark with the top hat, swimming in the swimming pool like at the aquatic center. And he makes it to the end and then starts to do a tango or a dance with the egg. Fuck. What a crack up, man. Like, that was basically my sex ed 101. How crazy is that shit? Crazy. Like you look at the miracle of life, the odds are forever. Not sometimes they're forever stacked against us, man. So I definitely feel where you're coming from. I can't say I completely understand you. I don't live in your shoes. I never will. Patterns similar, yes. Feeling similar, yes. Like the circumstances similar, yes. But I definitely empathize and understand the perspective at times for a lot of us where we just feel like we're getting pulled in this black hole. Here's the kicker though. Sometimes you feel like you're trying to move away from this black hole and you're running right into it. You're just diving in fucking balls deep into this black hole. And you may not even know. That was an interesting example. You may not even know that you're just fucking heading straight into it. And all the while we think that there are things that we can't control. Invisible forces, other people, other things that affect us or influence. Influence us and tell us, you can't do this, you can't do that. This is you and your life's in the pit. And I'm not saying you're A victim. Like, we all have things that affect us. Absolutely. You know, my children, they don't sleep. They influence me, for sure. They influence my feelings and emotions. My wife, you know, it's a part of life. It's. It's directly connected to us. It's outside of us, connected to us. But that's where you got to be. Careful, man. So we're talking about escaping the black hole, and we'll dive into that. But first we must recognize what it is that's putting you in a position to actually be going the wrong way. You're fucking running into the black hole yourself, mate. You can't do that. Well, you can. You should be fucking happy with it. Because that's your choice. If you want to improve your life and be a real leader and grow and evolve and continually handle what life throws at you and be a great man, a great husband, great father, a great member of society, you can't go running straight into the black hole. And there are four key reasons why you head in that direction. And when we reverse those, it's how you escape the black hole. It is two sides of the same coin. Which side's up? And the first point is there's four points. True facts. I did a short video last night in our free group. If it can't be measured, it can't be mastered. What's the opposite of mastery? This is what I'm talking about when I say binary. Black and white, yes or no, ones or zeros. There's a shitload of gray, a shitload of mess in life. Doesn't mean it's bad. You can't muddle up or you can't muddy the waters of clear, definitive facts. Or yes or nos, equal or opposite polarity. How do you know what sun is? Days without night and all of that. This is what it's about, man, looking and going. Well, if I'm not measuring certain things, that doesn't mean you have to measure everything or become some sort of scientist. But if I'm not measuring it, I can't master it. Which means if I can't master it, then I'm definitely not excelling at it, definitely not doing well at it. I might be trying, I might be attempting, I might be failing dismally. And that's affecting my confidence, affecting my competence, because I'm not mastering it, affecting my courage, affecting my commitment. I mean, that's the four Cs right there. But not in a particular order. But this is what you need. You want to create change, the cycle of change. You've got to have that courage to stand up and go, fucking this. This is what I need to do. This is the right thing. I now have the balls to not only recognize this is the right thing, but I need to do it. Okay, well, this is the commitment. This is me showing you. This is me taking the steps, taking the actions. This is my competence because I'm performing with excellence. I'm trying very hard to do it and fucking do it well. And then this is my confidence, which really is tying into your belief systems. I can do it. It is possible. Of course you can. You've done it. Look, there are the facts. So when you're walking headfirst in the black hole, you're not measuring, you're not mastering, you're not gauging where you're spending the most valuable assets of your life, time and energy. Like, where are you applying that? You're going to use it anyway. Whether you don't look after your health or not, you have some level of energy. So you're going to use it. Like we said in Ken's episode earlier in the week, like if you can't even breathe for four minutes to sort out your fucking internal systems, Ken said you could fuck right off. I love when Ken gets fired up. It's awesome, man. Hey, bitty Ken, 51 year old, bricks for abs. Lives and breathes the message every day. You know, sort of cracks me up too sometimes on my ads. I guess some guy's going, ah, let's hear it from someone who's, who's, who's walked the journey first. Or, you know, it's, I don't give a fuck that I'm not 50 years of age. I've done more than what most 90 year olds have done. They fucking triple my age. Well, not triple, but double and a little bit. It's not the years in your life, man, it's the life in your years. And as nice as that sounds, it's not the cliche, it's the symbolism. Go to some nursing homes. Like, if you really value age as the ultimate contributing factor to wisdom, leadership, mentorship, growth, evolution, turn this off now. Go in a fucking nursing home and go find the oldest bloke you can and sit around, you tell me how much value you get. And that's not castrating old people. There's plenty of old wise people, but just like kids, just like teenagers, just like adults, just like men, just like women, just like the elderly, there's good and there's shit, there's genuine people and there's toxic people and I can't stand. Like, not that this episode's about labels and or tags, but me dead man, that toxic masculinity bullshit. Like, yeah, I can't, don't get me started on that. It's fucking ridiculous. I'm baffled that sometimes I get that on my ads. Here we go, another bloke on toxic. No, no, I'm the reverse of that, mate. That's one of the most fucking ridiculous terms. I never. Guys, guys, I know guys who used to play footy and now they're fucking suave, talking about fucking toxic masculinity and feelings on this sort of shit. It's like, what the fuck are you even talking about, mate? Like you use your masculinity to go and fucking sleep and fuck around and fuck heaps of women while you're playing footy. And you were the fucking man, right? Oh, now you've turned that on its head, you fucking hypocrite. I won't name his name. There's one particular, you know, he's not a piece of shit, but his actions are. But if he connects and aligns with actions and owns them, well then he's absorbing that identity. Not me, that's him. But it's fascinating, man. When we look at all these labels, all these tags, all these identities or identifiers or you know, you can see and feel life is energy. Like there are ways that my children are phenomenal leaders. Like my children are leading and teaching me so much more than a 50 year old man could in certain areas. A 50 year old man cannot teach me fucking these key areas here, here and here, in which my children are. Because he's not my children, he's not a child. He's not creating resistance, expressing a certain type of energy and creating change. You know, like you've got to align with the energy. That's what's important. I mean, look, and I get that on the inside. Look, I don't give a fuck about age, but I get that on the inside with our guys, you know, like Al's a few thousand years old. I'm humbled by it. My life was accelerated very quickly, man. Like I, you know, I'm not going to be the guy who stands on stage going, I was in the streets with 2 cents to my name and now I'm a billionaire. Like I get that. And I know there's a marketing ploy and behind some of those gurus and some, maybe they're from the larger than life pictures or sorry, perceptions, like some Areas of United States of America. And I said, that's cool, man. Fucking good for you. Awesome. That's your journey. You take that. But yeah, I went through some pretty heavy shit when I was younger. I think we all go through adversities to a degree, but mine was very accelerated in my teens and twenties. The point is, you need to look at what you can measure, what you can master and where you are investing your time and energy. Because if you don't, your time and energy will be invested for you. I'm telling you, mate, and it's going to push you. Life will move you where it wills, where it bends, where it desires. That's not a great place to be. You want to have active vulnerability, active transparency, active pressure, active challenge. Like, it's, it's really interesting and maybe there's a section of the book I'm writing I could put together with this, but it's so true. Vulnerability is great, but if you're passively vulnerable, that means you have no control, so it's pushed on you. Challenge is great. It's why I love training in the gym. I don't redline like I used to when I was an athlete, but sometimes I get close, but it's a controlled environment where I can push my mind. Get up your fucking weak cunt. Get into it, get stuck in it. You know, this is what you need to do. Finish the reps, finish the set. I think that's the first time I've dropped the C bomb. I'm very, very passionate. You have no idea what I want to say on some of my Facebook ads, man, I tell you, it's insane. It wouldn't last five seconds. It'd get banned when the passion comes out. But it's true. I'm saying, like, fucking hook in, man. Get this done, finish this complete. Doesn't matter how you feel. Facts follow the way, Facts lead the way. Sorry. Feelings follow the facts. And I'm just, I have these little one liners that I just hit when I hit, when I'm tired and fatigued. Finish it up. If I got a set of 30 reps, I've got to do five more. Five more, five more, five more. You know, I'm driving not only this resilience to never give up, but this competitive attitude in a controlled environment. So I'm creating stress. I'm not receiving stress from being passive in life and just having someone come up and then just, you know, dump a whole load of shit on me. Active, man. Like be active in creating the facts. You want in life. Otherwise life is going to create the facts for you. And that will leave you exposed. That's the first point. Like you. You can't just sweep things under the rug. You can't just neglect the facts. The facts will be your rotten stuff. And even if you don't like them right now, guess what? As soon as you recognize, realize or discover them, you can do something about it. The second point is statements. This is all connected. True facts, Statements, agreements and understanding. All of the above. They're the four points. True facts. Escaping the black hole. Don't go walking into the black hole. Hop, skip at a jump and bang. You're gone. Because you can't measure things that you want to master. Because you don't own the facts and because you're living in fantasy land. Because then you will break down, things will fall apart. Things will expose your weak points. Like a velociraptor testing the fence for weaknesses. Shit, man. Like you will get fucked up. You need to restabilize your reality again. People are not addicted to alcohol or drugs. They're addicted to escaping reality. This is what I'm talking about. Sedation and distraction. That's not. I have an addiction to this specific thing. This is a tool that I'm using to escape reality. That's a very powerful point I said just then. I heavily suggest either listening to it again or writing that down. Is the alcohol, is the television, is the drugs, is the scrolling through social. Are these all, you know, just. Just unwinding or zombie or. You're numbing out and fucking escaping reality, mate. So when it hits back, sooner or later you'll be way worse off. Statements. When it comes to statements, it ties into the facts where it's like you're making statements that she'll be okay, I can do was really part of the gambling episode. And I can do this. Some of these statements you don't even say. You just think. And sometimes you don't even think. You just subconsciously think, which means you don't even know. That's even worse. You're overthinking now and processing or analyzing, which means you don't take the steps. You don't commit to. What is it you think you should be doing. You don't commit to getting of your own way. You stay stuck with your own company. You say stuck in the vicious cycle of who you are. Which means you just rattle off these statements actively aware or not. Sometimes they're subconscious and that is just maneuvering you through to different situations. And these different Situations take you away from other situations that you could have created and you don't even know exist. You don't even know they exist. Could be different types of connection with your children, with your wife, with yourself. You can't even fathom the possibility of what that looks like. You can't see it. It's not there. It can't be. Because as creative as you can be, more often than not you're lethargic or rundown or numb to a lot of different areas of life, which means that you cannot coherently piece together what the possibility is. And no one can. I'm very creative, but I can't. I didn't sit down when we created RDM years ago and go, RDM's awesome. But we'll do RDM first and then we'll create High Performance Father. You can't man all the big wizards. None of them. You can have a vision, of course, but. And I love real dad movement. It's like, this is the big umbrella. This is like what I'm doing now. This is guiding, inspiring, leading fathers. And it's a whole. It's a movement for all of us. And then we've got a specific elite coaching program called High Performance Father. I didn't. I didn't know that was a possibility. Or create that, or maneuver myself towards that and evolve into that and create phenomenal systems and processes. A full coaching team. I didn't know what that looked like when I started rdm. You can't. It's impossible. Who could? So when you're rattling off these statements that just pull you away into a subliminal way of being, you're killing, like, branches. Like a. Choose your own adventure. Or branches of a tree just moving like, you lopped it. You've. You've lopped it off. It's dead. You can't see how many other branches would have diverted off and then the leafs that would have come. Like, I've got an amazing mulberry tree in the back backyard. Like, yes, I trim it. I was going to say I groom it. I groom it. I look after it. I cut it. Sideburns. Yes, I trim it. You know, I look after it and I see this thing just. I mean, if you know what mulberries are, they're a beast to themselves. This thing's just relentless and it's. It gives us easy. A thousand berries a year, and it's delicious. It started as a skinny stick, and then there are all these ones that are weaving down, weaving back up. And I was going to trim them, but I didn't. I'm just repositioning it and it's weaving around other branches. And now it's almost like it's this cool little. It's almost like if you climb under one or two or move these branches out the way, then you sit right up against the trunk. It's like you're in a whole other world. It's pretty cool. It's hard to explain. Like, it's definitely not a shrub, but the way I've positioned and maneuvered it, this thing has just created all these different offshoots and then it's just become this beautiful masterpiece and it's life. Same with yourself. When you're making these statements that are cutting you down and you're making these statements coupled with the first point, not having true facts for something that's measurable, all of a sudden you are the biggest paradigm inside of your own life. You give yourself flak and shit and fucking slap yourself on the wrist and talk yourself down and punch yourself in the face. You look in the mirror, you're fucking ashamed of certain things you've done. You feel piss poor with some of your efforts. You're lacking confidence and self esteem and all these things that I tell you shouldn't be doing. You know, the chronic state with most men is a lack of self value, self worth, love, respect, all of them. They just don't know it. A lot of times, but a lot of times you do. Like you look inside your life when you're saying no to something you're saying yes to. I'm not worth it. You'll go and do all that shit. And then on the flip side, this is what I mean by breaking the paradigm or being a paradox, I guess on the flip side, you talk yourself up to not take action and stay in that settled state. No, I can do it. I'm too busy next year. This is the time. Things will turn around soon. If I just make a bit more money or if I just change my job once the kids grow up or this time will pass or, you know, maybe my wife will come around. She's under stress at the moment, just making like just, just pissing in the wind, like, like just casually throwing off all these assumptions. That's what they are. These statements are assumptions. It's like, okay, is that going to happen? Is it, has it happened yet? What's currently happened? Let's get clear on the facts. What's been happening up until this point? Oh, this has happened. And this has happened. This happened. Oh, but Somehow it's going to turn around now. It cracks me up, man. Like how much guys will self sabotage and then have delusional optimism inside of things somehow turning around? Like how the could anyone operate like that? It doesn't make sense to me. But this is, this is, this is chronic. Like, please understand that. Like, look, we see this, we see this with, we all have that in us, even members, non members, consultations. We have like, you know, anyone, friends, family, people, we all have this inside of us. But when that runs and rules the day without a clear set of facts, these statements are fucking destroying, man. They're throwing you headfirst into the black hole. Agreements, third point. So true facts, if you're not measuring it, you can't master it. What are the facts? Are you being clear on the facts? Are you making these statements in your life to be true? Statements? Okay, what's. What are you actually speaking? Like, what are you saying? What are you feeding yourself that you are accepting or assuming or piecing together? Like you're putting together a case and you're in a court of law and you're putting together this case and it's like, all right, well this, this sounds good, this looks good. And you're literally building a case and shoring up some sort of narrative or story that actually doesn't align with the external reality. They've got to be connected. Internal, external, they must be connected. You can't have them separate, man. The longer you have them separate. Oh, you can temporarily. The longer you have them separate, though, the more damage that you'll be causing long term. Like, it will catch up with you. The truth always wins. Always. Always. I'll say it one more time, Always. The truth always wins. Sooner or later. Might be tomorrow, might be next month, might be next year, might be next decade. Hey, you've bought yourself 10 years. But guess what? You are here and now. There is no past or future. You are now again, guess what? 10 years has passed. You are now, and now is now, and the future is here. The truth is here. The question is, what kind of truth are you going to live? Are you going to be on the right side or the wrong side of truth? Is it going to be a truth that you created influence and led, or a truth that was chosen for you? Because I know which one I'd rather choose. Agreements. Third point. You know, like the world is built off agreements. I'll go to the shop, I'll hand over a pineapple or a redback and be like, here, here is $20, and there's there's my shaver and shaving cream. Thank you. Like, it's agreements. I agree this is value, that. I agree that this has value. And it's a piece of plastic that's colored red. You agree that this is true. You accept this life is full of trades. It's full of sales negotiations. Like it's all of those with your children. You're negotiating. You're trying to sell them on something. You're trading. You're trading with them, with your wife. Everywhere, Everywhere. It's as old as time. Like, it's a skill set of really service. Service to yourself and service to others. If you do it properly. Everyone will be served at a higher level. And that's seen. That's seen fucking miles away. That's very obvious for most people, you know, who are aware and they're in tune with that. Some people still get fucking scammed and fucked up. And that's. That's disappointing. But I remember one of my mates telling me, I obviously can't mention names, but he's in the police force. And his Chinese family, they got the old. They got the old email from the Arabian prince who wants to give them his $45 million or some shit because he's passed away or his father's passed and he needs to share it for tax reasons. Oh, man, this poor Chinese family, they end up turning over 100k. They deposit 100k in a specific account, and then obviously it was all gone. Hard, man. Sad. But, you know, you got to take ownership over that as well, I guess. As best as you can. If you're listening to. You must do. But agreements. The world is built off agreements. I'm talking about your agreements to yourself. Yeah, you can make agreements with your wife. That's important to a degree. You need to. They're very lateral, you know, we don't want to specifically pin them down in a robotic nature, but we must pin down, get clarity, get the facts. I need you to be more emotionally present. I need you to support me. I need that when women are sharing their needs and their needs are coupled with words that, you know, in case. Or. Or, you know, represent feelings, that's not. There's no problem there. Awesome. Show me what that looks like. Can you please be more clear? Okay, can you give me an example of how I can do that for you? Like, yeah, you can create agreements, but agreements with yourself, man, like, it's yes or no. Are you saying yes to getting better, which means you're saying no to getting worse? Like, agreements, either you're fucking committed to doing something or you're not. It doesn't mean there's only one commitment for life. Like, it's micro. It's lots of commitments, hundreds and thousands of commitments to yourself with your training, with your alarm, with your training gear, with your pre workout, with your post workout, with your nutrition, with your recovery, with your sleep, with your breath work, with your hydration, getting your electrolytes in. If you feel like that you're running low or you're getting cramps, or you've got headaches. There are lots of agreements in looking after your own body and health. Thousands, thousands of agreements with yourself. But somewhere along the lines, you make the wrong kinds of agreements. And because they are riddled with the wrong types of statements and assumptions, without a clear set of facts, all three of these really fuck you up and they throw you into the black hole. Like, that is just. Can you see now? I want you to. Just as we slow this down for a second, I want you to really just look inside of your life and have a bit of reflection right here and now. Regardless of whether you're championing life right now or not, we can all improve and be better. It's a fantastic opportunity. It's not a downer. I love where I am right now and I love that I can actually improve. Like, it's exciting. Look. Fuck, man. Look where I am now. And I can do so much better because I got time, energy and ambition to keep improving as a human being. Look inside of your life right now. Where have I not? This is the fourth point. Understanding them and what they mean. Where have I not measured, which means I haven't completely mastered. Maybe I didn't waste time, but maybe I didn't utilize it as best as possible. And that time's gone because it is. This day's gone, the next day's gone, the next day's gone. Let's look at this both ways. Point minus A, the alternative. Point B, the opportunity. Where did I not recognize the facts? Where did I know the facts but hide them? Where did I keep the facts hidden from those who it impacted relationships, family, work. What happened when I didn't measure, which means I didn't master? What happened when I didn't own the facts? What happened when I didn't even find the facts and I was just guessing. What happened when I was real, when I was raw and I did own the facts? How did my life turn around? How did I feel? What was the relief? What was the clarity like? What were the feelings that came Even if they were bad, after I recognized some hard facts. Dig a bit deeper than that. Like, the feelings came because I recognize the real facts. But then what did that become? What did that present? We both know the answer's opportunity, but what did that look like? The light. I can get out of this pit. I'm in the dark, man. Let's get to some brighter space here. And then when you followed through and created a better set of facts to kill off the old facts, how did that then feel for you? How did that feel for your son, your daughter, your wife, your work, your business statements? What are some things you've just rattled off? And you look back now, even right now, if you haven't changed yet? And you're like, al's right, I fucking say that all the time. But that's not the truth at all, man. So, one, it's not the facts, but two, that's not serving me. That's not making me any better. That's just an acronym or a catchphrase or some bullshit I had with my mate since high school. And I just keep, you know, yolo. You only live once. Some of the. Some of the younger people brought that through, I think, a few years ago. I don't know anything about it. I didn't really follow anything mainstream, but, yeah, cool. All right, well, give me some context there. You only live once, so you're gonna. What are you gonna do? You can do some pretty crazy shit. You're gonna fuck yourself up. I'm not saying you should live with safety and security at the forefront all the time in a chronic state of fear, but what are some statements that you've said? And you can look back now, you're like, I'm still saying them. I'm rattling it off. Or just, you know, even with the Mrs. It could be anything, could be a reaction. I'm fine. Like, it could. Whatever you want. What? Even for dinner? I don't care. I'm easy. Like, are you. Your wife's trying to connect with you and ask you a proper question to draw some level of engagement conversation. What do you want for dinner? You know what I'd love. Fuck, I'd love some scotch steak and, you know, some really creamy, buttery, salty mashed potato. It's a bit chilly tonight. Do we. Oh, we don't have that. Hey, how about we do that tomorrow night? What do you think we should do tonight? What do we have then? You can still let your life. You can still let your wife lead the evening's prep, if that's something she's going to do. You provided opportunity for significance and connection. She'll go to the butcher's tomorrow, get a couple of scotches. It'll be good. You can chuck them on the barbie. She'll sort out the mash. Great. For the kids. Get a big fucking ribeye or a tomahawk. Fantastic. You know, make it. Make it an event. This is what people don't realize with statements. The subtlety of how that's pulling you away. And then what are some good statements? Whether it's affirmations, reinforcements, things you have on post, it notes. What are some solid statements that aren't bound by assumptions or cutting connections? Like that example around dinner time that I just shared. Agreements. What are some agreements that you've made where you've said yes to piss poor performances? You've said yes to settling, You've said yes to letting your children down. No one's perfect, man. I'm asking you to ask yourself the question. I'm not saying you did or didn't, but what are these agreements that you don't even know about, but now you're exploring and digging like, yeah, you know what? I have made an agreement with myself. Every night after kids go to sleep, I'm going to have a glass of red. Okay. How are those agreements moving you forward in your life? Can you maintain the agreement but change the action? Yeah, you tweak your habit. Instead of a glass of red, I'm gonna have some of El's hit the sack tea. That's good tea, man. That nighttime tea is epic. The. The chamomile, the lemon balm, the peppermint. And it's got some dandelion root, which is a good detoxify. And it's got licorice, which rounds out a beautiful flavor. Even women really like it. The men's husband, the men's husbands, the husband's wives. The men's wives have it as well. So it's a good. It's a good chance to bond. It's a good form of bonding, connection rituals, you know, as old as time, relaxing. That's not a plug for the tea, by the way, as well. Don't buy too many. We're running out of stock. I want to keep some for myself as a special edition, you know. What are the agreements? What are the agreements that I'm making that are moving my life forward? What are the new agreements I can make? What are the agreements I can make to myself right here and now that I can also make to others? The tribe coaches My family, my wife, workers or colleagues, myself. Like, make some agreements to yourself, man. Again and again and again and again. Like this journal. We've got our new journals. Fuck, they're epic. This is my agreement, okay? I'm gonna write this and then this is my most important thing. Then this is my monthly habit. Then this is my post it note on my computer. Then this is my post it note on the car. This is on the whiteboard. This is what I'm telling myself in my head. So not only are you physically presenting it six or seven times, you're presenting it six or seven times, which means you then read it six or seven times, which Means you then think about it six or seven times, which Meaning you then say it in your head six or seven. This is our amazing eight. Think it, feel it, write it, Read it, speak it. Believe it, behave or act it, Reinforce it. This is what it's about. So all of a sudden you think that it's not that much, or you think, hey, it's just simple. Just journal or just write this. No, no, no. You owe it to yourself. If you're going to consistently fucking tear your life down, how about you consistently build your life up again, not a one shot. That's it. When you're doing this, with our perceptive nature, seeing it, reading it, fucking feeling it. I'm running my fingers over the word no technology with my kids in the arvo. Most important thing, journal, most important thing. I've got a phenomenal event tonight with our men. That's on the inside, obviously, that's for the inner circle. Awesome. I'm running my fingers over like it's part of my life. I've seen it six times, I've written it six times, I've read it. All of a sudden it's like there's 50 reps. 50 reps on one fucking thing. That's how you make an agreement. And then I'm declaring it to the tribe, declaring it to. All of a sudden, you don't even realize it, but subconsciously you've programmed and patent 60 to 80 reps of one fucking thing, one agreement. Your agreement, your pathway to growth, your right, your opportunity. This is your right. You give up your rights. No one else. This is your right to fucking own that agreement, to have that. This is your free will. To exercise your free will and go. I want to fucking do that. I do. I want to write that, I want to read it, I want to speak it, I want to believe it, I want to act it. Your fucking choices, mate. No One else's. You dive into the black hole, you think you get pushed? No, you have those around you who may be toxic or poisonous. They're just pointing in the direction of the black hole. Say, hey, go over there. That's cool. They're trying to trick you, they're trying to manipulate her. And look, manipulation does exist. But if you're listening to this and you've listened to us enough, surely you have the spine and the fucking steel and resolve to go, hey, man, how about I do something for me and I stand up and I express energy of leadership to go, this is my fucking time too and this is what I'm gonna do. Because if you don't, then you fucking deserve what you get, mate. I'm sorry, it's your life. I'm not saying I want you to have it. I'm not saying I want you in the black hole. This is understanding what moves you into the black hole and what can take you away. It's a scary place, man. We've all been on the edge. A lot of us have tippy toed around the edge. And when I say around the edge, some of you be like, nah, man, I've been in the black hole. No, you haven't, you haven't, and I haven't either. Because guess what? Once you actually, you would have been on the edge and feeling the full force of the GS for sure. I have a few times. I'm sure you have. But any of you listening to this now, you haven't been in the black hole. You need to escape. You need to escape the rim where you might be walking the line, fine line. And maybe your back's turned, fair enough. But you're not running away. Your back's turned, so you're unaware. It's right there, you're right on the edge. Because I'll tell you right now, man, when you go, when you end up and you go into the black hole, you don't come out. You're done. That was a bit of a deflating end to the podcast. You know what, man? Like, I'm very optimistic. I'm naturally positive, but I'm optimistic because of the action I take. And I keep turning up. And you know, it could be deflating if you accept it. But sometimes the truth is understanding the alternative, understanding the reality that may be if you don't turn things around and change. I hope this episode has helped one light a fire inside of you to go, yeah, this is my time now. You know what? I got fucking burned here or there, or my marriage broke down, or my missus was a narcissist, or, you know, there's this fucking heaps of evil that goes on around you. I'm not dismissing that, man. What I'm saying is, okay, stop saying yes to that. Say yes to yourself again and what you can do. And then that which is still connected to your life that you love and care about, that's going to win anyway because you're winning again. And you do that by escaping the black hole and moving in the opposite direction, creating a set of true facts, measuring so it can be mastered. Reaffirming the right statements that are empowering. Expectations of standards, sure, but not assumptions. Assumptions of outcomes, others, and not assumptions of possibilities. You create the possibility, you create the opportunity. And you use that by forging, or you use that to forge new agreements, better agreements with yourself, with others. And then you understand this. And when you do that, mate, you'll not only be moving in the right direction, but you'll be repositioning yourself to grab life by the balls again. Get control back. Get certainty back in your life. And with that newfound stability, control and certainty, you will have a greater level and a higher level of freedom. I promise you that. 1,000 minutes a day, it's a lot. But when you're wasted on shit that doesn't serve you or move yourself or your family forward, you are bleeding the most valuable resource that you and I never get back. How much time do you think you have? And how much quality do you think you've had? Don't be a fool like the masses, thinking you'll cheat the system or get round to it one day or worse. Just accepting life and sinking back into a slumber of regret. This is your moment, your time. You're cut from a different cloth. You have the hunger and desire to be more and live more. Otherwise you wouldn't be here, here. So stand up. Find the golden nuggets in this episode you just listened to and align immediate action with them and where you want to go, you are worthy. This is your life. You are the king. And this is your kingdom. Now go and claim it by showing, not telling, and be the real leader. You and I both know you were born. Debate.