161. How To Stop Shit Talking Yourself

Welcome to another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. The point and purpose of these episodes, as always, is to have a point and purpose towards helping you win the second half in life by building a path of becoming the best father, husband, man and member of your community that you can be. We do this with various ways of connecting. Life is connection. And as you hear these words spoken time, time and time again, know that the driving force of connection in life is energy. Which means that how you turn up as a father, as a husband, as a valued member of society will always start and end with how you turn up as a man within yourself. First, this is why it's my mission, my purpose, our mission, our purpose through Real Dad Movement to inspire, motivate, educate and guide you into thoughts, feelings, actions and a change in your belief systems to rise up, cut the shit from your life and live and leave a real legacy. When dads win, everyone wins. And when you win, I win. Let's get moving forward, mate, right here, right now. Can I just start this episode by saying, fuck, yeah, the Dads. Because I tell you what, whilst the acronym spells fit Dads, Life, Life Fitness. That's what we build as men, isn't it? If we apply ourselves, of course. It really is something that I'm super proud of in acknowledging all of the fathers out there for the real heroes that they are, you know, Yes, I was raised and grew up with movies, all that sort of shit, just like you were. But I cannot stand Hollywood and the perceptions of what they think a real hero is, because it's you. It's turning up, it's doing the work, it's doing what you said you would do. It's turning up and making up for when you didn't do what you said you would do. It's taking ownership. It's sometimes fucking breaking yourself, man, for your family, for your children. It's pushing through the adversities we all face. It's being right in the middle of the storm and not going into the cabin thinking that it'll just blow over, getting out there out on the mast or out behind the wheel and going, no, no, I will make it through this and I'll find a way. The hard part is, though, when you move through life on your own, you unfortunately lose a set of eyes or a compass to where you should be going, which means you circle back and go straight back into the storm, which means the heroism, or being that real hero for a period of time, then becomes a martyr. Is that better? Maybe, I don't know, like, you Might not be here, so it's not your problem anymore. Right. But I don't see it as a great thing, unfortunately. I see it as men just sacrificing and fucking killing themselves. And then everyone loses. Like that's what I see. Because they just don't get that last. That, that little 1%. That's all they need. That. That's all we provide at the greatest level, the highest standard. But you know, it's interesting, the guys on the inside, I don't. It's not like I'm telling them something they haven't heard before. It's just bringing to the surface what is they need to focus and analyze at that critical point in time. This is where the rhythm and the fluidity of real coaching applies. We've all got 24 hours in a day. That's fucking great, Al. Great call, mate. Thank you. Thank you for pointing out the obvious. Not to be a smart ass, but. Or sarcastic, but when and where will I apply that? How will I apply that? Why should I apply that? Well, these are your habits, man. Like you want to reconnect with your family, no worries. That's great. You want to have some more honey and handsome time with your wife. Fantastic. Beautiful. What are we doing here? Okay, one of your habits is to remove technology. You know what, mate? Fucking hell. You've got a thousand minutes a day. Like that's a long time. It's not much when you're spending 165 of those on your phone. Let's have a look at your settings. Let's bring up your screen time. Yes, nearly three hours today, on Monday on your phone. So if you're doing this as a chronic pattern, and that's your belief system and your behavior, by the way, the episode's how to stop shit talking yourself. We'll get to that. What you're doing is you're starting the day with 835 minutes. You don't have a thousand minutes, do you anymore because you keep buying into this. So can you see how the relevance of constructing the value of time and meaning around it can apply more specifically for you and you'll get more value out of it instead of someone just saying it 24 hours a day. That's where going it alone, you are pushing shit uphill. It's very hard, man. And that's why you're here. Listen to these podcasts. Take action out of them and apply especially today's lesson, man, stop shit talking yourself. But apply the right factors in your life to move forward. One of Those factors is your environment. Another one of those factors is leveraging your environment. So leverage the words that I'm speaking, communicating now to stop shit talking yourself by applying some acknowledgments of when you're doing it, realizing why you're doing it, and then moving away from why you're doing it towards what else you can be doing. Because this is a very powerful episode, man. You can't keep turning back and going into the storm. Yes, we are here to acknowledge you. Yes, I'm here to acknowledge you. Much respect to you, man. We're just shy of 50,000 downloads. How amazing? How cool is it? Like, I love spreading this message and being part of this message, to be fair, in of myself being one of the cogs in the wheel, because it is a very big wheel now and it's something I'm blessed to be part of. But as much as I'm here to recognize and acknowledge you as a father, as a man in the modern world, going through all the hardships and continually turning up, continually standing up, I'm not here to fucking twist the ears off it for you, mate, and just go, she'll be right. All right. Let's just move forward. This is one of my big issues with people who talk about optimism in a bad light. Optimism is optimism, man. It's not assumptions of where you are right now. It's not painting some sort of fucking picture right now. If people paint this thing, yeah, everything will be sweet, everything will be great. They don't do anything about it. That's not optimism, that's delusion. Like you're delusional. Optimism in the definition itself has layered into it confidence. You only get confidence, real true confidence, when you're building the courage to do the right thing and the commitment to follow through on that right thing and then the competence because you're doing the right thing and you're doing it fucking well. That equals confidence. So when I look at and that's another piece, maybe for another day, optimism and ownership, that's an amazing place to be. Because when you back the foresight and vision of what is that you choose desire or need inside of your life and you back that with the right actions. Game on. Both of those overlapping gives you one of the greatest things ever that you still need to use. You're not there yet. It gives you a realization of your limitless potential, because you do have limitless potential. You really do, man. I need you to know that it's not me yelling at you or ramming it down your Throat. You need to know that. All of us do. I need to remember that? You need to remember that. Sorry, you already know that. You need to remember it. I need to remember it. Half the thing with creating space, taking time out, reflection, all that sort of stuff is giving you the time and space to remember the most important things in your life. To then do the most important things in your life. I should pause this right now and write that down. I think that's going to be a good quote. I'll just have to listen to the replay. That's all right. 99% of the battle in life is stopping and slowing down to remember the most important things in your life. So you can do the most important things in your life. I'm sure you'll agree on that. So when we're commending fathers for being that fathers leaders in society, you and I both know it's the hardest and greatest thing that we'll ever face as men because of how it reflects and brings up the mirror of that which will become us when we're dead and gone, through our children and down the bloodlines or down the family tree, whatever it looks like for you in your circumstances, it's a very powerful thing. But it's also a continual investment. It never ends. People might throw around the word retirement. I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. Like as soon as the brain dies, everything else dies. It's mush. Maybe you've got a different definition of what retirement means for you, but for me, there is no retirement on life. It can't be. That doesn't make any sense to me. If I'm luckily 92 or lucky enough to be 93 years of age and make it that far, there will be some sort of wisdom at 93 years of age that I'm sure I could pass down. Even if it's just my sheer presence and nature at that stage of the game. Who knows? To my children in their 70s and 60s. Yeah, it's that simple, man. You will never get there though, if you are shit talking yourself. Let's break down a couple of key patterns and things that leads to why this happens. You know, really the way that we're wired in the whole fight or flight mode in life is looking for the bad survival protection mode. Things that reinforce not stability, but reinforce an awareness or security that we need to keep guard at the worst possible outcome. I don't know if I really great. I'm probably gonna fuck this up. I don't know what it actually is Because I've never paid too much attention. But I don't know if I really agree with the whole. Is it pray for the best but plan for the worst? I'm sure you've all heard it's something like that, you know, hope for the best but plan for the worst. That's what it is. I think I don't really understand what, what that means. I mean, Plan B's kill more. More failing dreams and more failing attempts that any Plan A that falls down temporarily ever could really does. Like Plan B's destroy more potentially failed Plan A's because you didn't just get up and have the resilience because the Plan A changes. I was going to grow up playing cricket for Australia. Started with soccer and then Australia and I was a gun at both. And then that obviously fell away with, with some heavy addiction to food. You know, it's a fascinating thing when we're looking at Plan B's playing it safe, security and other things that bring in this temporary certainty or this temporary construct of the world. And a lot of the times as you not stretching and growing, who you can become by doing something that might be unfamiliar. Because here's the thing, right? The whole get comfortable being uncomfortable, all that sort of stuff. It's two things. Consistently doing something and doing it well. And then stretching and doing something unfamiliar. They're the two big things that a lot of us naturally will shy away from. Why? Because it requires work. It requires growth mentally, physically, possibly spiritually in your belief systems, who you are, your intuition, and any word you want to use for that. It's stretching, man. Like it's stretching yourself forth into something that might temporarily be an unknown, but it can become a known through work, through, through effort, through bouts of discipline, bouts of self control, until it becomes a belief system in your identity. You don't need to be disciplined for your entire life, just disciplined enough for the one thing you're applying that discipline to until it becomes part of your makeup and who you are. Then it's done, it's recorded, man. That's in the subconscious. It's there. I've had ups and downs over the last few years where my body hasn't completely been lost, but it's gone a little bit south, back up, a little bit south, back up in great shape at the moment and consistently holding it well. There's never a case of going back to where I was. I've trained for like 24 years now. I ain't fucking going back to the obese, overweight, depressed bullied Picked on little fat boy Al again? No way. No way. So whilst I still have my little trials and tribulations through time, I'm consistently, always moving forward through each year that passes, maintaining great shape. It's a part of who I am. Do I need small portions of discipline to dial in the nutrition again, to get my consistency in training? Maybe. But maybe it's a tenth of what would be required if I've never exercised before. Well, guess what? The same approach applies to you when you keep shit talking yourself and talking yourself out of things or not, stretching or not, growing or not taking that chance or hiding behind humor as most men do. I don't know if it's actually quoted or not, but I used to always say when someone would joke there's a kernel of truth in every corn. The corn being the joke and the kernel being really a question. I want you to ask yourself what are you subtly and subconsciously saying about yourself that you're not even aware of? You know, is it the weight? Is it the confidence? Is it the Batmans you get in your button up shirts so you don't wear light blue anymore to the races because you get those sweat patches coming through. And the Batmans hit home at the confidence. Like I used to care about that. I don't give a fuck about that. I'm perspiring. I'm a man. What do you want me to do? It's hot, it's the middle of summer. Honestly man, I'm telling you, this sounds trivial, but this is the crazy part. It fucking is, mate. It is trivial. Like look at the trivial shit that you put on yourself. Whether you're thinking it, because that's talking to yourself as well. When I'm saying stop shit talking yourself, I'm not talking about just the words like right now. And sometimes you do that though. I did that when I was young. It is trivial. Isn't it crazy though? It's so trivial, but trivial. But you do it so much that it just becomes part of your default. Your go to your subconscious so you will actively and knowingly because it becomes knowingly when you do it enough. But it becomes a habit. It's like a fucking twitch. Bag yourself out. Not just in your mindset, in your thoughts, in your beliefs of whether you should do something, whether you shouldn't. What will happen if I don't? I won't make this. I can't do this. You actually start pushing that onto other people about yourself. I'm not talking about the judge and blaming or trying to Shame other people. I'm talking about you like you talk shit about yourself to other people. That's crazy. That's crazy to the point where you work hard, you bust your ass, you get a nice car and some of you are like, oh, mate, you got a new car or you just got a new Caravan? Yeah, isn't that great? Oh, mate, that's awesome. You end up, you got that Mustang, you finally worked for you upgrade and you got the Mazda CX9 with your growing family. That's awesome. You know, you went with the nine instead of the seven. You'll be like, oh, yeah, you know, but blah, blah, blah. Or yeah, no, it's good for work and you all do it. Everyone does it. I've done it. Like that shit talk isn't just an insult to yourself, it's downplaying you what you're connected to, your achievements, your rewards, you know. That's crazy, man. I was like that at start when I got. I got the Wild Track Ranger Wildtrak. Beautiful car. Like, I love it. It's a beautiful car. I enjoy driving it. In 2019 at that stage, gyms were failing, you know, or the gym was failing and I was, I was going all in. Well, the reason why is because I was going all in on real dad movement and building that. It's a phenomenal movement that I'm just. I just saw it at that time. I was like, nah, this is, this is where I'm going, man. I love the members, love what we do with the gym space, but that's just not me anym. Yes, I have outgrown it. That's not disrespectful to other gym owners. Growth is relevant to what you perceive it to be, but for me, nah, that's it. Will I ever own a gym again? Maybe. I don't think so. I think the only gym I'll own will be the big gym in the barn when we have the RDM ranch. We're working towards that bad boy. Don't you worry, we'll definitely get there. We'll aim to get there before 2025. But, you know, when I got that, because either the perceptions of what people would think or, you know, I guess the stag, the stagnation of the gym. Like, people KN I wasn't there like before I left and, and sold the gym and moved on. I checked out. I checked out 12 months beforehand, but people saw that. So I guess the COVID will protect myself as downplay. Oh, yeah. You know, because we've got a growing family and it's, it's got lots of safety and it's got 25 airbags and all this so that. I love that car, man. And I've got access and I've got, I've got resources and friends who own ford dealerships or a 4 dealership. So he gave me a great deal. That's awesome. But I'm not going to downplay and say, oh, yeah, I got it because my mate saved me a bit of money because he owns the dealership. Nah, of course I'm going to fucking leverage networking connections. He's a champion and I do the same for him when he needs help in certain areas of his life. But that's beside the point. I fucking love that car. You know, we talk down on ourselves, our achievements, what we're connected to, material or not, it's a byproduct of something that you've made a choice over. It doesn't define you. It only defines. If you push that in front of who you are as a man, your integrity, your values, how you stand up, how you communicate, how you lead. You know, it's a crazy thing when you start to see where you're actually shit talk. This is the important part, like where you need to spot this man. I can give you all the solutions, but how do you know what to look for first? You get to stop downplaying things, you know, how's everything going? I'm busy. Everyone's busy. This is, this is crazy, this, this Covid stuff, the government's. Because they're doing all these things. And I'm with you on some of this stuff like this, it's surely, if you've got half a brain, you can see some of the, the, the calls we're getting from, from Parliament. It's ridiculous. But, you know, maybe that's another day for another episode. It's crazy. Like, but this is the environment, right? There's volatility everywhere. There's crazy shit going on everywhere. Am I going to sit down and go, yeah, it's, it's fucking crippling me running an online business. Well, of course, it's not like what we're doing is, is really pioneering the leadership for fathers. And ultimately, this is a crazy fuck, man. We get 100 applications a week. This is a crazy, crazy message that's needed for fathers now and their families more than ever. More than ever. It really is. So while some people will downplay and go, oh, yeah, no, work's tough too. It's like, yeah, it's tough for me, but I fucking love it. Like, this has been one of the best years of my life. Why? And I'm openly going to say that. And that's not at the cost of down, you know, trying to downplay other people's hardships. There's people going through heavy shit, but I'm not going to sit back and bite my tongue. It's been a fucking massive year for me in many ways. I've been punching the face just as much as anyone else to a degree. There's always a range of those who've had it horrifically bad and those who've just had an absolute dream run. Probably anyone in the medical industry, anyone who produces medicine. But crazy. But ultimately, the reason why it's one of the best years of my life is not even from a financial point of view. It's going, man. I'm actually like, fuck, this is game on, man. We are in a spot here. Whether it's the podcast, the YouTube channel, the free Facebook group, we are here serving fathers, helping fathers, helping men, helping their families. It's very fulfilling and rewarding. It helps me remember what I need to do for my family, how I need to turn up for my wife, for my children. It helps me invest in my health. The other day, I sat down with the missus, end of the month, and we watched a movie, had some chocolate, had some ice cream, didn't go crazy, but I had a good amount and watched a movie and went to bed. 11 o', clock, I felt like I'd been fucking drugged, man. I could not believe it. I woke up the next morning, I was like, holy shit. Again. I'm not against you if you want to go to bed at 11 o'. Clock. You want to watch TV or you want to eat chocolate. It's not about that. It's just the routines and principles. And I'm not a saint. Hence the night I said to Karen, I said, fuck, if I did that three days a week, we wouldn't even be here. Like, there is no way. Like, my capacity and my functioning and my performance is to the fucking T. But it has to be one, because it's fulfilling. Two, because it's needed for HPF and the entirety of RDM and what we're building, including obviously, DadStrong, our online store, the ways, the various ways in which we serve dads. Three, for me as a father, to have the energy to try and deplete my three children's energy sources with my 1 and 4, for my own sanity, to be fit, healthy, strong, and have focus and Clarity every day to fucking win. Let me ask you, are you gonna have any room for that if you shit talk yourself? We all have him, the little voice inside. But proper, proper shittalk. Downplay achievements, rewards, downplaying opportunities. Cutting yourself away from opportunities before they can even present themselves. Not even positioning yourself to take the right actions, not even taking action at all. I'll just sit down. I just need to relax. Like, if you're sitting down chronically on the lounge every single day for a few hours, that's cool, that's your choice. But there is a little voice or there's something inside you, a good little voice inside you going, man, you shouldn't. You're better than this. You shouldn't be doing this. Stop. Stop doing that. It's not right. You've got more to give. But then you got the other one, the shit talker who's gone, Ah, shit. Be right, mate. You fucking worked hard for this. Kids have a roof, there's food on the table. There's fucking money in the bank account. This is my right. I deserve to sit down. I'm not taking that away from you. But the hard part is this subtlety of this shit talk is pulling you away from evolution and growth. So when life punches you in the face from a direction you haven't seen before, or it's not just a jab anymore, it's a hook or an uppercut, you will land flat on your ass. Why? Because you haven't built up the chin to handle it. It's a two pronged approach. When you say yes to something, you say no to something else. So when you're shit talking yourself and making jokes and humor or fucking poking at your belly or fucking whinging or, you know, looking at fucking $100 and going, oh, yeah, it's fucking. That's a lot. Well, that's a little. I don't deserve it. I do deserve it. A thousand bucks, $10,000. You're looking at different metrics outside to validate who you are. I mean, money, money's a tool. But as an example, you believe you're only worth this or you only do that. You don't up level or upskill yourself to provide more value, to provide more worth when you're doing all these sorts of things, when you're saying yes to that at the exact same fucking time, man, you're saying no to lifting yourself up. You're saying no to having optimism and then a level of action to drive home that optimism of the outcome you desire. Yes, some hopefulness but confidence about the success of a future outcome, the success of something that will come to be. When you say yes to shit talking yourself, you're saying no to uplifting yourself and giving yourself a pat on the back. When you say yes to looking over the week and going, I fucked up here, here, here, here and here, you're saying no to going, you know what? I actually handled that really good Monday night with the kids. I'm really proud that for no reason at all. Wednesday arvo, picked up some chockies and flowers. Finished work a bit early, took the missus out to the cafe. She had a chai latte, you know, I just had a little espresso and we just. It's our favorite little cafe. It's where I proposed or it's where I did this or where I did that, or I wrote my wife a little love letter. I wrote little post it notes. You should do that, man. It's so funny. Women fucking love. Side note, like, women love curiosity and mystery. They really do. Spontaneity maybe. I don't know, like, it could be that. Pick whatever word you want, but they love that shit. That doesn't mean they don't enjoy structure and certainty as well. But sometimes I'll do post it notes and I'll make the fifth one really hard to find. She won't get it. So I'll be like, post it note 1 out of 4 and I'll start writing something and I'll finish half sentence. She'll be like, fuck, I gotta find number two. Where is it? It's within a minute, man. I know exactly when the time of day when she's trying to find them because I'll get a message. Hey, where's number five? Funny shit. Yeah, it's a fine line. Like, there's got to be some context. I'm not always sneaky, cheeky, or a smart ass. But you say no to all of those opportunities that you can create by creating that level of belief and value in yourself first and then ripple out to what you love. When you keep saying yes to talking shit about yourself, man, this is the big thing. How can you give love to anyone else if you don't love yourself? You tell me how, like, oh, it's easy. I'll just give him this. How the fuck would you know? Like you don't know what love. If you don't know what love feels like for yourself, how do you know that's what they want? Have you asked them? Is that what they want? Or is it just something that's synthetic, external. And then on the flip side, how could you expect anyone to love you at the highest level if you're not even showcasing that yourself? That's respect. That's a perception of value. Like, if you're not respecting yourself, how the fuck can anyone else respect? I can't. Like, I'd love to, but I can't. If someone is wallowing in their own pity every fucking day, chronically. This happened with my old man for 15 years, Italian, fresh off the boat when he was young. Farmland, his own fruit and veg shop. Did all that hard shit, you know, wog boy, all that sort of stuff. He grew up in like the 50s in Australia, so he copped all that sort of stuff. And yeah, I don't consider it racist. It's just the times. It's just the way things were for him. He dished out Skippy and all the other for whatever you. You'd tag Australians back then too. There you go. Welcome to the jungle. Earned his stripes, phenomenal at sport. Built a massive house with four young boys. I was one of four. With his bare hands. I just fucking lost him for 15 years. Like, this guy was just imploding, just destroying himself. This is hard for me. I've said it a few times, but this is hard for me to share. But it's true, man. Like, how the fuck can I respect you, dad? Like, it does. It doesn't add up. Like, how can I respect you, dad, if you're not respecting yourself? Look, I'd love. Send me an email. Send me the answer. If there is an answer, I'd love to fucking know. I just can't put it this way. Would you still be listening to this podcast if I didn't showcase a level of self worth, value and respect? It's not arrogance. I'm not pigheaded. It's not ego. It's not ego driving the train anyway. I mean, we all have ego inside. But it's like, well, is it steering the ship? Maybe, maybe not. Like, it's actually identifying the true you. And the true you should be a man who doesn't shit talk himself, who backs himself, who understands the little voice inside. He gets the judge and the victim, the blame and shame. They're two residents permanently housed there. But you are the one. You are one level above the chaos, one level above the bullshit. You don't buy into that as often as they'd like you to. You don't carve that out to become your identity. You don't identify that to become who you are in the future times. And that goes on the big level too. Like all this toxic masculinity bullshit. That's all fucking ridiculous. If you're a fuckwit, you're a fuckwit. I don't care if you're a man, woman, grandparent, grandfather, grandmother, father, mother, It's. And that's your actions. I know I say I don't judge people. What I'm talking about is your consistent actions. That's what I'll judge. And I can. And you can, you can always observe, engage actions. It doesn't always have to define who you are. You can change the actions. And this is my point. Let's start changing those actions now. How to stop shit talking yourself. First you need to identify, you need to call yourself up on it. You need to spot yourself up and go, ooh, why did I just. It's very simple. Is what I'm thinking, is what I'm speaking, is what I'm listening to, is what I'm believing, is what I'm professing adding value or not, Is that moving me forward or moving me backwards? Is that opening the doors to a better version of me or not? It's that simple. Like you just, you triage yourself, man. That's the very first thing. Ask that question, okay, what is it? Is it moving me forward or backwards? You know, I'm not, I'm not super strict because I understand life is messy and we all have messy parts. As the alignment coach on the inside and being incredibly experienced with this, it's just, it's something that I'm very dialed in on. But I'm not, I'm not, you know, Nazi cracking the whip. But yes, I've been tempted to tell anyone inside of my life, hey, if it doesn't add any value, don't fucking say it. Like, I mean, that's a pretty good rule. Would you guys agree? Like, that's a pretty good, like, if I put that up in the household, I think that's pretty solid. But also, yeah, you know, there's emotions. Kids will get older, they'll have issues, they'll have challenges with other kids, they'll have fights, they'll need to vent, they'll need to dump and things. So does it add value? Well, yeah, it does. It adds value to them expressing and realigning themselves, getting that emotional and chemical release. But also, what's the timeline like? You're going to keep telling me about the same thing for fucking three weeks, three months, three years? Or are you going to do Something about it. So that's why I haven't implemented that hard line at home, because there's a lot of gray. But there's also understanding the chronic effects of the type of energy that you express inside yourself or allow others to express onto you. So very first thing, you got to spot yourself up. Hey, that was a pretty. That was a shit thought. Like, is that moving me forward or backwards? Is that adding value to my life? Is that helping me? I just said a joke about how fucking tight my shirts are these days and I gotta go shopping again. I said that in front of the boys at the Barbie. It's like, you know what? I'd rather someone go, yeah, you know what? Look at me, Al. Like I'm fucking fat, mate. Like, this shirt is tight and I'm not happy. So this is what I'm going to do about it. I'd rather someone do that than pepper around some little jokes about himself and then go fucking fall apart behind closed doors on his own. Because that's what happens with so many men. That's just one example. Physiology. It's important. Primal power. We don't all have to be Mr. Olympias, but life is energy. You need to be able to move, move that body, express that what you do physically affects you mentally. And how you feel, the byproduct of yourself, your standards, how you operate, that's the beautiful thing. You don't have to be Mr. Olympia. We're all different bodies, we're all different genetics. But the principles apply. Self value, self respect. Spot yourself up when you are seeing that, when you're hearing that, when you're feeling that. And if you really want a cold shock, a root shock, this is what you do. Spot yourself up. But get something and market. And when you look at the end of the day and you've shit talked shit, thought shit, felt shit, believed shit, everything yourself or every type on yourself. And you see a score of like 18 or 28 marks or 33, crosses even 3 or 12, look at that and go, wow. Okay, let's times that by seven. Let's go for something like 15. That'll make it easy. 100 or 105. But let's just say 100. Okay, all right. I shit talk myself 100 times a week. All right, let's do the maths on that. 100 times a week, 52 weeks. Okay, cool. So I'm shit talking myself 5,000 times a year. Okay, how long have I been doing this for? Well, I've been shit talking myself for 15 years. Okay, so you've shit talked yourself 75,000 times. I'm just going to sit on that for a second. I'm just going to sit and let you. There's just going to be silence here for a few seconds. 75,000 times. With an average of just one little negative every hour. You're awake 16 hours a day. No worries. There's 16, 16 little self sabotages. Thoughts, feelings, emotions, actions, non actions, not feeling, not thinking. Like this is probably 7 to 10 pathways to achieve this. Self sabotage. Not every hour. Subconsciously. Social media, other influences, allowing that, accepting that, reinforcing that. Like when people abuse me on my ads, it's only abuse if I choose to accept it as abuse. And I think that's absolute or true. So again, even other people's influences, you can be, I mean, it's not ideal to have friends who are doing that to you every day. They shouldn't be your friends. But that in itself can be another avenue where you're allowing and accepting this. So you're reinforcing that. You're speaking it again, you're thinking it again, you're feeling it again in your own head. You're making it truth. 75,000 men sit there right now, all walking or running or working out or anything. You tell me, you tell me and you tell yourself. You look yourself in the mirror in the eye and you tell yourself the 75,000 shit talks is all good, it won't affect your life at all. And I will call you sir, a liar. That is crazy, man. Could you imagine that? 75,000 15 years, 30 to 45 years of age, half the population divorced by 46. What do you think? Because they're fucking broken, man. Breaking down, burnt out, flat, lethargic, lost their own mojo. They don't have the juice anymore. They've lost that self esteem, that get up and gusto for life, you know, like it's just not there anymore. Al, I just cooked, man, I'm exhausted. My eyes are heavy. You're not helping the cause, mate. If you, if you're like, the world's tough enough, it's tough enough as it is. You don't need to be volume dumping that shit on yourself. Spot when it happens, score yourself, check it off. First thing first, action. What am I talking shit about? That? No, it is possible. We can do it. Optimism and ownership. Yep, this is happening. I can do something about it. Spot up when it happens and check yourself on it. First thing. Second, replace, take away, add in. Yeah, no, I don't think I could Just be too mad. There's 50 people applying for this job, this promotion. I don't think I could, you know, do it. I'm not good at this, I'm not good at that. I'm really bad with interviews. Stop. Spot yourself up on it, Take away, replace and replace with. What could be true if. What could I do about it to change the outcome? What could be true if I did X, Y and Z? What can I do about it to change the outcome? Two different approaches. See, if I look at that. Not that I'm looking to get a job anywhere anytime soon, but if I was going to do that, what would I want as a business owner? I want someone fucking open, tenacious. Not false, but absolutely being proactive. But if I was in that position, I'd be like, okay, I don't interview well. No worries. Why? What can I do better? Okay, I'm going to learn how to build better communication, I'm going to develop my speaking skills and I'm actually going to make it a goal where I'm going to go out and I'm going to talk to strangers, I'm going to talk to other businesses, other people. I'm going to learn something. Like I could go in here and I could go, okay, there's this marketing business. All right, great. This is a real estate business. I don't even have anything real. So I can walk in there, hey, you know, I want to apply for a job. This is exactly what I've learned about your company. This is what your company does. I've done my research, my background, blah, blah. Can I have an interview? I would love to set up one of those interviews and show you exactly how I can add value to your business. Because there's a couple of key holes that I can see, which I'd love to show you in a 15 minute presentation. I could tell you what, even if you never got that interview, this is the energy you're putting yourself out there, you're being proactive, you're building the skill sets. And then in terms of that job where there's 50 applying, who fucking cares, mate? What if you are the one? Optimism, but then ownership, okay, there is that role. But you know what I'm going to do out to desensitize myself. I'm going to do exactly what you said about some completely different industry. Or even if I'm in sales, I'm going to apply to all these different industries. I'm going to shoot really fucking high. I'm going to shoot for some big players and I'm going to adapt and evolve to what I need to do for that. So, you know what if I end up with this one, which will be a great outcome, I'm desensitized, I'm primed. I'm ready to rock and roll, and I've built that level of belief. It's what we do. It's what we do with our gold program, like our platinum program's next level. It's pretty crazy. We don't have many guys in there. Obvious reasons, because of what we do. Started that shot for the top, pulled the eyes out of it, and we upgraded our gold program to become. Oh, man, nothing comes fucking close to it now. Our gold program, it's incredible. I wouldn't have known what to do there if I didn't expand and stretch myself with optimism because I'm taking action. What would need to be true for me to be better at interviews? Okay, well, there's a couple of key things where I trip up on myself. I have triggers or have moments of hesitation or I lose my train of thought. No worries if I came to interview. Thank you for having me. Look, I just want to let you know. Clear now, I've got a couple of key points. There's some really important, fundamental things that I have here that if it does come up, I'm going to read off a couple of things just so I can make sure that I'm very transparent in what I do, and you're very transparent with the questions you ask, and I can deliver the best possible answers that you need. That actually aligns with me because sometimes interviews for a lot of people, and this used to be me, they can be quite daunting. I'm very confident in my ability to produce and perform. But I do understand that sometimes interviews, as you would know, you're the interviewer. It can be tough for a lot of people. So I hope that's okay with you. But I've just got a couple of notes here, and I've got a few things here. I may not even use them, but. But when you do that, you remove it. It'd be like, if I walk on stage with 10,000 people or 10,000 dads, I'd be like, fucking hell. I used to get up to these sorts of stages with 50 or 100 people, and it'd be like, fuck, man, I'm nervous as shit. And you could almost buffer that by sharing a story of where you were to where you are now. Why? Because you put in the work. See, here's the thing. I Would fucking love to stand up in a stadium of 80,000 dads and we could fucking shoot some fire together. But the reason why is it's part of my makeup and it's just part of what I do. If you got me on stage and people ask me shit about stuff I don't know, I'd be fucked. That's why I look at some of these people. Okay, well, I have no experience there. I don't have the answers for any of that sort of stuff. So this is a bit of a bomb. This is tanked, hasn't it? So tripling down on spotting the shit talk, finding what would need to be true, leveling up yourself so you're connected to that is the absolute pathway to you growing and evolving and building better skill sets. Spot yourself up on the shit talk and stop right away. Oh, no, that's not the truth. Where is that coming from? Is that past, Is that past pain or future future fear? Like, what is. It's not here and now? What has it been that's happened? Or what is it in anxiety or anticipation of that might be, but may never be right? Okay, let's stop that. I'm here and now. Okay, what would need to be true? What can I work on? What can I control? And then who can I become for that? It's a very powerful thing, man. How to stop shit talking yourself. Recognize the very manipulative and subtle forms that it comes in. Because the mind, the human mind is a very powerful thing. It's there to protect you, but it's there to cut you down as well. If you let it run rampant inside of yourself, spot it up right away. Pull it into line if you need to. If it's repetitive, find the source. Why am I always so, like, why do I keep fucking hesitating with public speaking? Why? What is that? Is it school? Is it speech? Is it school? Is it something I don't know about? What is that? And then spot yourself up on that. Okay, what would need to be true? What can I change? Well, I guess the reality is every time when I step outside my house and I talk, that's public speaking. So there's this big fear that gets brought into thinking that public speaking is some sort of professional presentation. Firstly, secondly, what's something I'm fucking ace at and I love to share with people and I could talk to people about. As soon as you do that, it's like, well, just rinse and repeat. Like, we've got some pretty high profile guys on the inside. But I didn't give a fuck how much money they've got or what they've done. Like, man, this is. We're a team. Let's do this together. Just like when we do our events and stuff and I'm talking to the guys, it's like I got fucking nothing to prove to you. I'm here to help you get out of your own way. And this is how. Because I've built the skill set and the volume and the runs on the board and the charisma to deliver it. Which means there is no shit talking. There is no shit talk, Al, you can't, you can't talk to dads or you can't do this event or you know you're not going to speak the right way. Who gives a fuck? I muff words all the time. It probably happened that quickly, you maybe don't realize. I don't know, I don't even realize them. I just brought up that example, I guess with a job and possibly interviews as well as public speaking, they're two things that can be a bit daunting. But there are so many man, like inside of your relationships, talking yourself down. A lot of guys, when it comes to sexual performance in the bedroom, you know, like a lot of that shit is your self value, self worth, you know, fly that fucking flag, man. You're the fucking man. You're the king about to make love to your fucking beautiful wife. This is why. Because I'm the man. I'm valued. She values me. I am the king. She's my queen. Like, that's a sensitive subject. Maybe for another day. I don't see it too sensitive. I see it as a byproduct of your self belief and value. Like, no, no, I'm the fucking man. This is it. Game on. I will make love. I will make love to you. And this is important for me. This is important for you. And I fucking love it. It's enjoyable. That's fantastic. It's not. What if I'm fucking. You're not feeling or you're obviously intoxicated or fucked your body up with chemically with drugs and shit. The shit talk, man, it embeds itself so deep you can't even see it. But this is where we start. This is where we turn around, spot yourself up right away when it's happening. And if you need to score yourself, score yourself. So you can see how much you're pulling yourself away from your potential because you have so much man optimistic about what it is you can achieve. Ownership to actually achieving it. You combine Those two, your potential goes through the roof. All you need to do then is follow through and do it. When you do that, you start to see the world in different light. You see yourself, you see opportunities create themselves you didn't even know existed. They literally create themselves. Like I didn't even know that was a fuck. There we go. I didn't sit down one day and go, you know what? The RDM Ranch sounds really good. So I'm going to start a movement, helping Fathers called Real dad Movement. That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't work that way. Spot yourself up and then replace. Take away that and then replace. If that is an issue or that's a challenge or something real or someone else or someone real or a position or an opportunity with. Work with myself, with my body. What would need to be true for me to achieve that? What do I need to do to hit X, Y and Z and have that be true? Like, what can I do about it? What can I control? How can I improve myself? You have time, you have energy. You've got heaps of power, man. You got fucking heaps of power. You've got time and energy. Call yourself on the shit. Save that mental draining and pulling you away. So you focus on the right thing. Say yes to yourself for once. Say yes to yourself again. And say no to the bullshit that we all dish up and we all dish up to ourselves, more often than not, unknowingly and unwillingly. But it's just part of our makeup because it's been chronically there for years. And when you do that, you spot yourself for the bad. You recognize the good to great, and you can build the pathway and the steps to then carve out what you control, what you can do to then move in the right direction. Because your words, just like one of my older episodes, black magic. The words you speak, they truly are magic. Whether it's spoken in your head, in your heart, or out of your mouth, they are absolute. And they're an absolute inside of you because you're the one who chose to believe them and express them. You turn that around, man, and you will nullify 90% of the shit talk. Which means when you say no to that, you then say yes to yourself again. 1,000 minutes a day. It's a lot. But when you're wasted on shit that doesn't serve you or move yourself or your family forward, you are bleeding. The most valuable resource that you and I never get back. How much time do you think you have and how much quality do you think you've had. Don't be a fool like the masses, thinking you'll cheat the system or get round to it one day or worse. Just accepting life and sinking back into a slumber of regret. This is your moment, your time. You're cut from a different cloth. You have the hunger and desire to be more and live more. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. So stand up. Find the golden nuggets in this episode you just listened to and align immediate action with them and where you want to go. You are worthy. This is your life. You are the king and this is your kingdom. Now go and claim it by showing, not telling and be the real leader. You and I both know you were born to be.