163. Why You Keep Pushing Your Wife Away

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Okay, this is going to be a reasonably fiery podcast, so be ready. But also understand that when I'm talking about why you're pushing your wife away, hence the title of this, why you keep pushing your wife away, this is not a personal attack. This is not judgment. It's definitely an observation of a pattern of the same fucking actions that unfortunately a lot of men fall into, including myself, that's for sure. Well used to fall into. It's definitely not an attack on you as a person, as a man, or a judgment. And you will know that if you follow me long enough. It's got nothing to do with that, but if you feel like this message resonates or used to resonate, or you find the spots not to fall back into or it's just speaking your language, man, that's a fucking great sign. Don't take it as our fucking revving you up and putting one on you. It's absolutely a great sign because guess what? You're connected to this. You know what not to do and what you can do about it. That's a very fucking powerful thing, man. Like very powerful. Again, you may have already repaired certain areas of this. There are six key points we're going to go through today, six key reasons why you keep pushing your wife away. If you don't have a wife anymore, well, fantastic. Not fantastic you don't have a wife, but fantastic that you now have an episode to show you some of the common pitfalls or traps not to fall into, what not to do and what you can do and how you can position yourself not as the King of the castle at the cost of the woman. But as a man who is really fucking solid in himself, which draws out attraction. Because I'll tell you right now, mate, when you have that, when you create that, it is such a powerful thing. That is attractive. Look back at high school, perfect example. You know, you got the bad boys, they always got the girls. Or nice guys. Finish luck. That's all bullshit. I'm one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, man. But when it comes to having a spine and showing teeth if or when I need to, when I feel threatened. Threatened, yes. The Viking comes out like that. I can flick it on a well, I can turn it on a dime. I can flick it like a switch. And just like I can be the panda. My wife has a pair of pants that she wears and I have mine. And we don't, we don't try and swap pairs. I'm not custom fitting or tailoring my pair to hers, which is just fucking chronically, you know, unattractive. Just like I'm not demanding that she gives me her pair of pants. She has hers, I have mine. It's got nothing to do with man or woman. Whether you've got a penis or vagina, it's bound by energies and the way that we connect in this world, and that's an important thing. That's actually something, you know, that's always made me laugh. Just before we dive into this just comes front and center. Things come flooding through. I filter a lot, but this is a good one to share. When I look at extreme feminists, so extreme feminism, I always look at them and I laugh. And the reason why I laugh is I look at them and I observe and I'm like, when you're promoting your message of women and feminists, right, all that. So when you're pushing that, because of the extremities of how you push that, you're using the exact energy that you're fighting against. You are pushing, you are hammering home a masculine energy. Fucking shouting, kicking and screaming your message, which to me is the greatest contradiction of all. It just makes me laugh. It's hilarious. I'm like, you're using the exact energy that you're supposedly fighting against or you disagree with. It's fucking hilarious. Like, you're acting like a fucking man, screaming and yelling and kicking and like violence and anger and all. Not that women can't have that. Like, we both have it. I've got masculine and feminine in me, so. So do you. Like, we all have it. Obviously there's Rangers, you know, and there's nothing wrong with that either. And you can change too. You can adjust, just like you can change your genetics purely through the power of thought. But that's for another day. And that's an old episode, the biology of belief. But yeah, pretty crazy stuff when you look at the quantum mechanics and all the moving parts around there, why you keep pushing your wife away. Six key points before we dive into this. We can all fall victim or fall prey to circumstances. Whether it's a lack of energy, different environment influences, people, place and things, we can all fall down to this. No one's immune. Life is a continuous work in progress because life itself is a process. I remember when we're younger, like, what's the meaning of life? But it's a test, it's this, it's that. And everyone has their fucking, has their philosophy hat on, I guess for me, the greatest way, with such a wide perspective on things, and after, you know, over 10,000 consultations and calls with fathers and working with thousands. It's a process, man. Life is a process. It's a process of the game, changing the rules, changing different elements, different tools. You're playing soccer now, you're into cricket. You can't use your legs for the same purpose or the same ways. You need to adjust. The tool belt gets upgraded, gets changed, it gets optimized, you get a new one. It's a continual process. And this is life. Life is a process. The rhythms and cycles of a tree, the age of a tree, photosynthesis, the seasons. There are cycles and rhythms throughout the universe, throughout life. That's what life is. Rhythms and cycles. And rhythms and cycles exist because of processes. Life is a process. None of us are immune to this. Six key points. Why you keep pushing your wife away? Now, if you can take what I've said as a bit of an intro. And again, I guess getting back to the whole nice guys thing, the reason why the bad boys might get the girls to start with is because they're so fucking sold themselves. They portray this energy, they express this energy that they don't need anyone. I don't fucking need anyone. I'm just the man. I'll do what I want, I'll say what I want. I'm just going to be this. I'm the bad boy, right? That's an attractive thing. Why? Because women will look at that and they'll go, he doesn't need me. And he's got something I want to feel about myself. So I want to be near him. And in his environment, in his company. And I was thinking about this shit. I'm trying to remember it now. I should have written it down while I was in bed last night, about to sleep. It was around value. And it will come to me. It's somewhere in the back of the head. It'll come to me. But when I'm looking at that, yeah, it's an attractive thing, but it's merely a connection to energy. That's all it is when we're talking about the bad boy and the girls and all that sort of stuff. And for us as human beings, we crave that. But we crave that in an unhealthy way because we don't give it to ourselves. There's nothing wrong with having urges or cravings, that sort of stuff. And you want to feel significant. You want to feel appreciated by your wife. You want her to look at you and go, yeah, you're the fucking man. And you know, you did this and you did that. We all want that. We shouldn't expect it, and that's one of the points we'll cover. But we all want that and desire for that. But when it becomes chronic or unhealthy or addictive to chase external things, things outside of us, to validate or justify who we are, you're leaving yourself exposed. You've given the keys away. You've handed over your power. Not power per se, where, hey, they're going to control these things and how the house runs, your personal power, who you define yourself as, who you are. But it's all value. And this is what all of these points will hit home about. People only stick around or engage or invest in something when there's a perception of value that is at least equal to, if not higher than, their own. Think about it this way. Obviously, if you listen to me for a while, I'm painting a pretty consistent picture that I'm pretty fucking solid. And look at my Facebook ads. Go through some of the ones with thousands of comments. Read through the threads. I can take a fucking hit and I'll keep moving forward, because that's what a real leader does. That's what a real man does. And I don't blame or judge people for, you know, throwing stones. It's their stones. They're trying to empty out the card of their own. Unfortunately, it'll keep refilling because that's not how you do it. But ultimately, I must provide a level of value from which you are happy to donate or give or volunteer your time to listen to the words that I Speak. Because the words that I'm speaking are not mine. They're yours. They're from the other father or the dad or the dads or the many dads or these type of dads or these types of dads or this type of situation that I've helped these fathers through. What you're hearing, if you connect to this, is your own voice. I'm the little angel in your shoulder who drops F bombs. But seriously, you've got this connection to the words I speak. So you're giving your time because you see value. You know there's value. Why? Because I'm speaking you. I'm speaking your words, your language. Why? Because we're all the same, man. We are all the same. Yes. Specific circumstances. My name's Al. Your name might be Ben or Phil or James or Luke. Cool. But the patterns are the same. The hardships are the same. We all have the list and the list, like a Christmas list that our kids demand. It's long, isn't it? So when we're going through the same, the difference is awareness, recognition, ownership, and then doing something about it. I'm aware that this is happening now. And I'm not here to. Like, I'm transparent in my life, but there are things that are personal. But of course, I fall in the same pit where my wife might make certain promises for honey and handsome time. Or when I say promises, you know, she's feeling up for the moment. And it's a. It's a. Yeah, it's a good. Oh, well, there we go. Cool. Awesome. Game on. And then things may not eventuate that night. And then I get this little feeling in my chest and I get a bit. Tom, that's a bit fucking. That's a bit fucking irritating. You know, I thought. I thought we're on here, right? I'm the same as you, man. I get that too. I'm like, motherfucker, I could have just fucking rubbed one out in the shower or something and then just relax and gone to bed. Like, I'm serious. This shit comes through. And I know I'm not here to be dirty. I know some people have become big influences, leaders, just by talking about all the things that are, you know, all the hidden. All the hidden secrets that no one wants to talk about, you know? And I'll say what I said just then. I'll. I'll use a phrase like fucking twisting the ears off it and ingest. I'm not here to build a profile through talking about the dirty or deep, dark secrets. It's Just the transparency of our feelings as men in wanting to feel desired and wanted, and sometimes falling into the trap of expectations or being let down in our eyes because we thought something was going to happen. Because maybe someone we love or trust alluded to the opportunity and it didn't eventuate. So when this happened, not that long ago, I got angry at being angry. So zoom out. I zoomed out a little bit, zoomed out a little bit more, and I was like, motherfucker, why the fuck are you getting angry? So I got angry at being angry. Why are you getting angry? Because you just thought that fucking all you need to do is turn up and the day was done. How fucking dare you? How dare you put that on your wife? Because maybe it changed. And the kids didn't go to sleep and it was a fucking nightmare. So by the time the opportunity was there, she was tired, worn out. I was tired, but I was like, you know what I mean? I'm sure most of you agree you'll fucking do it half asleep if you want to. If you really want to get the outcome. How dare you put this shit in your own head that paints some sort of judgment on your wife. This is where I'm here now telling you this. I'm serious. We all have this. This is my point. No one's immune. The difference is awareness, acknowledgement, ownership, doing something about it. Okay, let's just work through this out. Let's zoom out a bit more. Okay, so I was in the trees. I'm going to zoom out a bit higher. And now I'm a drone in the air, really, looking down on Al, who Al is. So I'm. I'm. I don't know, thoughts, feelings, emotions, consciousness. That's just observing myself right now. I feel like I'm laying in bed. I actually feel like I'm up on the fan looking at myself. I know it sounds funny, but it's a good visual. It will work for you. And I'm like, okay, why are you angry? Well, it's because of this, this, this, and this. All right, cool. Found out the logical pathway to that. What's the emotion? And I love those two terms. Logical pathway, emotional attachment. You'll hear it a lot, and you can apply it to anything. Okay, well, why is there an emotional attachment? What does this mean? Well, you know, it's. It's my fucking wife. I love her. It's how we connect as men. I fucking love making love to my wife. Who the fuck would deny themselves? That isn't a good thing. Okay, so there's a pleasure. There's something that wants to be. You want to seek something and have a connection. Awesome. So when I started just really analyzing and reviewing myself, I'm like, okay, well, if you're carrying on this way, which your wife doesn't even fucking know, and you're feeling those feelings, who's really losing? And what are you going to do the next morning? Are you going to be fucking shitty and grumpy? Like, what are you going to do? What are your options? And when I was in that third person view, I could really look and go, okay, all right, come on, mate, let's do a fucking checkup from the neck up. Let's have a look at this and go, is it the end of the world? Is what I'm doing gonna move me forward? Is it okay to make this something that I accept as truth? And the answer was no. No, it's not the end of the world. No, it's not moving me forward. No, it doesn't have to be the truth. It's just a feeling. A feeling that was innate because I created an agreement in myself that there was going to be an experience and the experience didn't happen. Call it crazy or not, man, you've all fucking been through this. And you know, you fucking know what I'm saying. It's true. And you know what the beauty is? You've got to be okay with it. Like, I'm okay with that. I didn't. I didn't, you know, slash my wrist or beat myself up over. I was just like, okay, cool, man. All right, well, let's. Let's get back. What do I actually really want and what's important for me and those I love and care about. And let's realign, let's reorganize. So that's what I mean when I talk about. I'm not better or greater than you. It's just, what is the key cue and what is the timeline? Because that's important of you having the awareness of fucking yourself up. Because you are, when you do this, acknowledging that this is a natural part of life. You're not perfect, so you can't take it personal because it hits everyone. So it's got nothing to do with you as an individual. So when that happens to you, that example I shared, it's not just you, man, and it's not something you can take personally and wholly on your own. We all go through it. Well, I'll take ownership over my feelings and review them and reflect a bit more. And then I'm going to do something about it. I'm just going to breathe, I'm going to relax. And then, you know what, as soon as that happened, when this particular circumstance arose, I just disappeared. That feeling. I was like, there we go. I'm better because you can dump that toxic shit out of you. Like, it's why I love journaling. That's why I love not necessarily just dumping or venting. No one should be a punching bag. But expressing and talking and doing that, it's a very powerful thing. Let's dive into this. These intros, bloody 15 minute intro shit, man. Let's start breaking this in the series. Now, look, this won't be a super long episode, but I think it's going to be very powerful, especially if you've connected with that example I just shared. And you know, I'm not saying that you see me as Superman or invincible, but yeah, long term and consistently, yes, I am unshakable. But why? Because when the little tremors start, I fucking sort them out right away. And not in a rush, not in a robotic approach. I'm a man, I'm human, I have emotions, but in a way that serves Al. So everyone wins from Al again as well. Otherwise, if that had been the case, you know, I probably wouldn't be here doing this podcast right now. Be like, oh, fuck, today I don't want to do anything that doesn't really happen anymore for that reason, because I'm solid in myself. Why you keep pushing your wife away? Six points. First one, stability. Stability is one of the most prized assets you can ever provide for your wife. I say provide for your wife because it's not. Give your wife. It's not about control. It's her choice to make. It's hers alone. But you can influence and provide a level of stability through your own actions from which you create certainty inside of her head of who you are and what you stand for and what you provide to her and the family. Stability is a very powerful thing. Your identity, your actions and your identity and actions and who you consistently turn up as provides value, appreciation, respect, what does that all equal? It brings affection. But what does it equal? Trust. You must have trust in your relationship, man. You must. So if you're not trusting the words or she's not trusting the actions, or if there's a lack of. You got to fucking sort that shit out. I'm telling you right now, if you do not have trust, things will break down. Because what do you think trust is? What is it? Symbolism of? What is it a Byproduct of belief. I don't believe you. I don't. But like, what do you think that's saying? When you say something, you don't do what you said you would do. That's a form of a lack of stability when you're not connecting and aligning your internal and external reality and then their internal external reality. There's no alignment, there is no belief, there is no trust. Well, that lowers the value, doesn't it? See a lot of the reasons why women, this is just a side note. And men. Absolutely. And men, bit more subtle when men are abused by women than when women are abused by men. That's not condoning any of them being greater or lesser, but certainly in society's standards. That's a lot more black and white in, you know who gets the shorter end of stick. Absolutely. Men and women. But the reason why a man will stay in an abusive relationship is because his self worth and value is lower than the abuse he gets. It's attention. I'm not going to say it's a form of affection, although it's crazy some minds might see that way. But it's attention, it's a form of connection. But they still value who's distributing the abuse to them higher than themselves. They go to the gym, they get healthy, they get fit, they do some mindset stuff, they do coaching or get tribal mentors and all of a sudden their value goes up, they get fit, healthy, they start seeing things in different ways. Boom, I'm out of here. You always see it, both can rise. But if the woman or if the man don't invest in themselves and grow, at least with them, maybe not the same rate. There's breakdown, of course. You get outgrown, she gets outgrown. It's value. So when you're providing stability through yourself, your own actions, you're providing high level value. Don't go borrow a fucking ten thousand dollar ring. That's not providing value. That's a monetary, materialistic object that you've said, I want this to be your possession. I mean, you tell me what's more valuable, fucking doing that or turning up as a man and father and husband every day. Value. Which means when you've got stability, you're providing the opportunity for spontaneity, mystery and all this curiosity, all this sort of fun and fluffy shit that you can do. Because you know what? You've got a stable ground to build off and experience with. When I talk about stability, I'm not talking about, you know, just being monotonal. In your approach to life and doing the same thing every day and structured every day, there's no excitement. No, no, no. Stability is. Al's got our back. He's my husband. I can depend on him. I trust him, I value him, I appreciate him. He's my king. I am his queen. I respect him. Even to the point where it can be a good thing. Predictability, I never used to like that. But I'll tell you what, in certain areas, I'm very predictable. You come into my world and you dish something up, specifically in certain areas that may not align with specifically certain areas of values. In my life, I'm very fucking predictable. Not in reacting, but in responding. Yeah, no, no, fuck that shit off. That doesn't align with me at all. See you later. Goodbye. I'm very predictable in these podcast episodes. You can almost certainly bet on it that unless at the start of the episode I say, I'm throwing a challenge out today, I'm not going to swear in this episode. Which when I do, I'm always successful. Like, wow, I was going to fucking swear in this one. Very predictable. Again, unless I say I'm not going to. That's great. I like that. It's a good challenge. I have control. I always have control. You know, when I drop the F bomb, there's emphasis, there's passion, there's a point of where it's inserted. So having a good level of predictability, which is consistency, stability, doing what you said you would do, that's a powerful thing. The reason why you're pushing her away is there is none. You're not stable, who you are, your actions. There is no trust. There can't be. There's no respectability. The stability sort of does tie into the other points, but essentially it's the longer game of just consistently turning up and being a great human being a great man, as best as you can, not letting life get you down as low as you have gone. All right, it's going to knock me back a few pegs, but I'm coming back. You know, I can't stand, like. Look, positivity is a state. That's why I'm very cautious of it. But optimism is a great thing. Optimism is confidence for a future success or outcome of something fantastic. How do you get confident? By doing. Having the courage, committing, doing so. I'm very optimistic in life. Why? Because I take action. Am I always positive? No way. Positivity is a state that can be an illusion. Gotta be careful of that. So when I'm looking at stability I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm gonna keep turning up for my wife and for my children and family. And when I didn't, that's when things are falling apart. I wasn't stable in 2016, 2017. I was trying to be an elite athlete, keep it all together. Gym was failing, traveling for work, you know, had. Stella was not handling her because she didn't sleep through for nearly four years. So that was very tough. She was unbelievably hard. And I'm sure some of you have it easier and some have it worse. On the rare occasion people have told me that the children still don't sleep through and they're six, I don't even know what to think of that. That would kill me. Man, that was tough, though. Nearly four years, I wasn't stable. So how could Corinne trust me? How could she value me? How could she respect me, how could she appreciate me, how could she give me affection if all of those weren't met? Because her needs weren't being met through having stability in the household. Point two, actions. Like I said, this all ties into stability. But that's important to recognize it as a point in itself because it's a collective of what you're consistently doing. So it must be a point on its own. Point number two, actions. You know, you may think you're doing the right actions, but is that what they ask for? Is that what your wife wants? Is that what she needs? Is that love languages or not? Maybe, maybe not. Have you done them before? Acts of service. That's doing something for her, for the kids. Quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, physical gifts. I mean, you know, whether you've done that or not, it's a free test you can do. Just type it into a search engine. Just type Love Languages test. You should do it and your wife should as well. It's great, great exercise. But all that aside, did they ask for that? But I'm working hard, I'm trying to make money, and I'm trying to get these, these investment properties and set us up so we can retire. What do you think you get? I didn't ask for that. I just want a husband to be home and be there for the kids and be there for me because I'm tired, I'm exhaust and blah, blah. You know, this is a big, big revelation that I had with my life. You know, going all in on RDM and high performance father. We've got an amazing team. So it's definitely easier than when I was doing 80 to 100 hour weeks. It's crazy, man. It was crazy. I'd be getting up and going to work at 2 o' clock in the morning just to punch through and, yeah, crazy. And still working through till like 5, 6 that night. But, you know, like, everything changed when there was a little bit of resistance around my work commitment and I stopped saying, I'm doing this for you. I said, look, of course you benefit, the kids benefit. But there's times when I need to do things for me. There's times where I'll do things for the family. This isn't for you. RDM isn't for you, it isn't for the kids, it isn't for financial freedom. RDM's for me, so you need to respect that. Corinne. When I have something that I love that I'm doing for me, there's going to be times where I dedicate a little bit more time to that. This was a powerful thing because the argument dissolves. It's gone. Yes, of course there's an argument. Well, you've got to do things for us too. Of course. Yeah, let's sit down, let's map it out. Don't worry about feelings, let's get some facts, let's get some commitments. Awesome. I'm keen, but ultimately you need to check yourself, man, and recognize why you're actually doing things but who you're promoting them to. Don't go working 12, 16 hour days thinking in your head that you're doing it so your wife can have some extra money in the account when she doesn't fucking want that. She wants you home with her and the children helping out because she's about to have a mental breakdown that will push her away. Is it right or is it wrong? Are these actions right or wrong? Well, this is where you need to one, get clarity. Two, get ownership over the purpose of what you're doing. Of course the family benefits with some financial security, but I don't know, man, which sort of balls are you juggling? Family, self and service. Have you dropped one? Are you going too far one way? Is it too extreme? Have you lost control? Do you not have good boundaries? You're not saying healthy no's to create boundaries so you can prioritize some time for your. He's saying no to some of the jobs and quotes because you know what, it's a bit of extra money, but fuck, man, it's not worth the headache. Then don't do it. Look, a lot of people have words of affirmation as their love language. I don't And I appreciate when people on the inside and the inner circle and my wife appreciate me with words. I do. But in terms of the value of words, they are so powerful and they hold so much magic. That's why I'm doing this podcast. But when people speak words to me and they haven't shown first, it means fucking nothing. And that's not to do with all the consults I used to take. Yep, I'm committed. Aluminum 100%. And there's crickets. You see, he holds the old bundle of hay. The old Western movies. Is that ball of hay like a wheat field that just sort of bounces across? Ah. I guess he wasn't committed. I can't. And it's not that I'm not emotionally connected. I love when guys, you know, take that step and want to improve their life. But I also wash my hands at the same time. It's not mine to own. That's what's right for them. But actions. Actions are powerful. That's my point. Words can be great. Other things can be great, and words are a form of action. But words alone are not the pinnacle of a series of actions that need to be taken. But are you taking the right or the wrong ones? Like, are you pushing her away with the actions you're taking? But it becomes this vicious cycle and ultimately this confusion and frustration because you think it's the right actions, but it's not being received that's damaging, man. That is dangerous because you think you're right, but it's wrong because it's not received or hasn't been asked for. So I guess point two on pushing your wife away actions is have you asked what they need, what they desire? And trust me, you cannot be lazy and just go the whole other way and just sit down with notepad, go and go. All right. Tell me everything you want from your husband. In life, we are humans, man. Like, you got to massage this process in. You really do. Don't just sit there and yell. Well, if you're triggered and in the wrong environment and shit's hit the fan, that's not the time to say, what do you want from me? It's too fucking late, mate. You need to let the dust settle. Probably find a new environment and reconnect when you're steady and go, okay, I want to be a better husband and father. There are things that I need to do for myself as well, and I'm happy to share them with you, but I love to know what you would need from me, too. It's Going to help me organize my time better. It's going to help me be more present for you and the kids. It's going to help me say no to the wrong things that obviously aren't good for you and me in our marriage, not good for our children. And then when you adopt that approach, man, you are the Viking and the panda at the same time. You know what you are? The panda with a big fucking axe and a Viking helmet. What a beautiful combo, right? Point one, stability. Point two, actions. Point three, deadlines. See, deadlines. This is again, you know, like I share that example of not that long ago of thinking I was getting lucky, quote, unquote. I created a deadline in my head that tonight was the night. Here's the thing, though. We all subconsciously assume in life, I hate assumptions, but we all assume. I assume when I'm driving down the road at 70 km an hour and there's a thin bit of paint that's fucking 10cm thick, that that person going past me is going to stay on their side of the line and I'm going to stay on my side. It happens hundreds of times every day and I've only got a short drive to the office. So we've got to be cautious. It does exist. There's subtle assumptions. I'm not driving past everyone thinking they're about to crash into me and I'm ready to act. But also, when you have these deadlines you create with a timeline in place, it's a very damaging thing for everyone. Why? Because you don't communicate them firstly. And secondly, there's been no agreement. What do you mean by that? Well, you're going to go buy flowers, buy chocolates. I'm going to be a good husband for the next six days, and then this should happen on Sunday. You can't fucking create those deadlines, man. Or you. You can't create deadlines in your head that involve other people or you can't create deadlines in your head that involve other people and at least not discuss the facts and feelings and the outcomes and desires for both of you, you will push your wife away. You'll also do it if you don't create deadlines. You know, if you're coming up to, you know, some challenges, some hardships, and there's just nothing. We're just going to. No, no. There needs to be like, we want to work on this. Let's do this. It's not three weeks. Let's spend six months and let's fucking go all in for six months before we call it quits. Let's do this. But make sure that we're clear that we need to work. We're not just going to drift for the next four years or wait till the kids leave school and then we just fucking sign the papers and we're away. Because then you've just completely shattered their worldview. Because they're like, oh, fuck, was anything in the last 15 years since I was three and I could remember real, or did my parents just put it all on for us? That's way fucking worse. Tony, man, you need to make sure you check yourself by leveraging deadlines in a powerful way. One, by not creating a timeline in your head that involves other people that you don't control or own because you don't. And two, not even communicate what is it you desire with some sort of preference or desire or timeline there on what's possible? Deadlines. Point three, leverage them. Sometimes they're powerful things. Like we can have honey and handsome time. Well, what's the deadline? Okay, Monday night. Yep. Let's make some time. Thursday morning, let's have brekkie. I'll start work a bit late. And Saturday, you know, the kids go down around 12, midday. Let's. You got that paint by numbers that I got you for a present? Let's play around with that. Let's have some fun. Just kick back paint. It'll be funny, we'll have a laugh. It'll look like shit. Who cares? Let's have fun. They're great. But when you create them inside your own head, which sort of creeps into the fourth point, assumptions and expectations, but that's a bit different. But when you create them inside your own head and it's not communicated, and it involves other people that you may be able to influence but you don't control, you'll be left with disappointment, which creeps into point 5, but we'll cover that in a second. But that changes how you react and your entire approach and expression of energy moving forward throughout your relationship from that point on. And everyone's left confused, like, why the fuck's dad like this? Or why is my husband being like, what's wrong with him? Ah, don't worry about it. It's fine. Because you can't even articulate and pull together. You don't even know why you're feeling this way, let alone have the ability to articulate and communicate it to her. Hopefully this session is helping you understand some of the whys. Usually a lot of the times the why is pretty fundamental. You do fuck all for Yourself, you've got no energy, which means you've got no time. You're burning the candle of both hands and you're frustrated because your cup is not full the way it should be in all areas of life. Family, self and service. I mean, it's very straightforward. Whilst what I said just then and our approach might appear simple, there's heaps of complexities and you dive deep. But yeah, that's what we do in high performance. Father. It's fucking amazing. Let's give you two things that you'll never get back once you use them. Time and energy. Let's give you that again and let's give you the right mindset and approach and the right communications and skill set to connect to life so that you fucking have everything. Family, self and service. We're very proud of that. That's why we're number one. Point three, Deadlines, time, not communicating. You must be cautious of that. Stability, actions, deadlines. Point four, assumptions or expectations. This is something which was really interesting because I never really thought of this. Look, there are people who may not grow the way that I grow. Doesn't mean they're not, you know, like, it's fucking great. That's what I love about the world. It's full of all different types of human beings and even fathers. We got some amazing men on the inside that do shit that I wouldn't even dream of being able to do. It's fantastic. I love it. But when you start to carve out assumptions and expectations in your household, you're walking a fine line, man. Because you may have expectations of something being done, but maybe she's got expectations, but she's too fucking exhausted or tired to bring them up to the surface to share with you on shit that you're not really doing. That you could probably do it. A better standard. Whether it's cleaning, organizing, how you respond or react to the kids. Like you don't know. And a lot of the times we just put up, right, maybe that's half the problem. You don't need to bring up every single little tiny detail. Sometimes there's things that I look at the house, I'm like, all. There's different processes. And I'm like, yeah, fuck, man. Is it really worth. Is it worth, you know, does it need to be brought up? No, just fucking do it and move on with it. Great, done. You know, and that's great, that's fine. But the problem is when you have expectations yourself and you push them onto others, that enters the danger zone. I never demand More out of anyone than I demand of myself. And I'm proud of that for two reasons. One, I'm not a hypocrite. But two, if I'm doing something well and excelling and something wants that or wants to learn from that or achieve that, mate, great. Game on. Let me help you. Let me show you how. Let's do it together and let's do it well and do it properly. But that doesn't mean I look at every other father who isn't doing what I'm doing and going, ah, you're fucking useless, man. What the fuck do you think you're doing? Have a fucking look at you, you piece of shit. How fucking dare you act like that? I'm not this fuck. This episode has a few swears, doesn't it? I told you to get fiery. I'm not sitting here doing that. How could I? I don't live in your shoes. How could I judge you until I live a day in the life of you, which is impossible, I can hypothetically think about what it would be like. It's still not the same. Still not true. So of course I don't do that. So I may have expectations. And yes, on the inside, there are expectations of standards that we uphold and then there are layered in actions that we work through together. That's very different to you trying to push your standards onto someone else or your expectations on someone else. Is it hard? Of course it is, because it's frustrating because some of your standards might be great and some of the expectations of yourself might lead to great outcomes and results. So you're like, well, they should have this too. Or maybe they fucking shouldn't. Are they you? Do they have your name. When you push your expectations onto her, she is. She. She is her own person. Like that. That's your wife, man. The reason why we're all different, even though the patterns are very similar for men, is because we're all different. But especially when I say different, I'm talking about men and women. Is because we're different. You need to honor that, man. Is it frustrating at times? Of course. But is it great in other areas? You can't fucking. You can't slap the wrist for something you're unhappy about when you know otherwise you wouldn't be there and you wouldn't have put your dick inside. There's some great things that you connect about or that great things you connect on. And there are great things about her that you love. And I know I'm being blunt in some areas, when I contrast this. But it's the truth. Yes, there's frustrations. Of course there is. Yeah, but what are the great things? And if you say there's none anymore, well, two things have happened. You should have listened to this episode probably five years ago when it didn't exist. Or now's your time to shift your perspective, take ownership, control what you can, and start to lead the house the way you can. Because sometimes your wife does need to be led to help her, to influence her, to support her, to guide her. Because she's exhausted, too. She's tired and burnt out. I'm telling you, man, like, that's what a real man does, a real fucking leader. He stands up knowing full well that he's got to give fucking 30x and he may still only get 1 to 2x return. Fuck, man. What's the alternative? That's what men do. I'd rather be doing that, laying on my deathbed, going, you know what? I did so much more for my wife than she did for me. But who cares? Who's counting? Our children had an amazing life. I had an amazing life. And yes, I'm tired, I'm fucking sore, I've exhausted life. But I fucking won because I got what I wanted. That's point six. We'll come back to that. But this is the truth, man. And please understand, I love my wife. She's amazing. I'm not saying that I do more than her. I'm saying, as an example, if there's times as a man, you need to push through the shit and do it because you can, because you have that ability, certain abilities that women don't have. What an honor to go, yes, I pushed through this shit for two years, one year, three years, eight years. But it gave us the most amazing 40 years. We came at the other end and I truly was appreciated then. Expectations. When you say yes to pushing your expectations onto her, you're saying no to sorting your own shit out on maybe where you've dropped the ball. And some expectations that she might have that you don't live up to. But be very careful of that. The blame and the shame, the judge and the victim that will push your wife away. Stability, actions, deadlines, assumptions, or expectations. You just think shit should turn up. I come home, there's dinner on the table. Maybe it's an arrangement, but it might be an arrangement because I'm sitting down with Krin going, okay, what are we going to have for dinner this week? Cool, we'll have this, this and that. Perfect. All right, you're right. To sort out din. Tuesday. I've got a podcast. Tuesday night, I'm going to be busy. I'm happy to cook Wednesday, actually. Wednesday can work. I'll do some nice schnitzel. I'll get some good bread crumbs out for that. I'll do a schnitzel and some mash and I've got some greens. I'm going to go down to Aaron's, the fruit and veg shop and grab some stuff. And you can communicate and create trades and deals and agreements together. Of course you can. But you can't just assume or take for granted the fact that you come home every night and your wife puts a good spread on and there's amazing food there. And it's like, well, when you do that, man, you don't. You don't appreciate. I wrote a quote somewhere, I'll try and find. It was actually one of the podcasts I've done, but I'm going to release it next week with one of our members. But assumptions remove and destroy all possible investment in something that could have an even greater outcome, or something like that. Think about it. When you assume you're essentially no longer invested mentally and physically, you're like, oh, well, that'll just happen. Just is. It's supposed to be. It's supposed to happen. That's dangerous, man. So when you assume things of your wife, you're no longer investing in your wife. How do you think that feels? What do you want for dinner? Oh, you're the cook. Just put it on. Like, fuck, man. There is no way I talk to my wife like that. No way. I don't care how blokey you are. Like, that's. You assume it should be sorted. You don't engage or add value to the conversation. A conversation that she's brought up. I'm telling you, mate, that is that. These are the little things. It's not the big haymakers and verbal haymakers and fights you have. These are the subtleties that lead to a disconnect in your marriage. She wants to know. She wants your input. She wants you to be a fucking man and say, this is what I want. I'm telling you, they want that. Any real woman. I know I said feminist before that. Extreme feminist here. That's. You and I both know that's some pretty crazy. I just like men who are fuckwits. Any real woman wants a real man. The end. The end. Any real woman wants a real man. So when I can feel. Because my wife's a Gemini, too, yeah, to Split personality. So when I'm feeling this a bit from her, I'm like, okay, I'm pretty tired, but all right, what do I want? What do I want? Well, I don't really care, to be honest. And I'm not going to tell her that, though, because I know where this is going to go. I've just trained. I'm hungry. I need good protein. What have we got? Hey, why don't we defrost the mince? We can chuck it in the microwave, defrost it, Bang, bang. And we just have tacos. We got the wraps there, tacos, got some sour cream. Can we have that done? Sometimes, God bless them women, it's met with resistance. Oh, yeah, but we had meat yesterday. I know you know what I'm talking about. It's like, Jesus Christ, why would you. You just asked me what we wanted and I suggested something. So it's like, don't lose your cool there. That's cool. No worries. Yeah, cool. All right. Do we have chicken? Why don't we have some chicken? Let's just do that. Okay. When it gets to the fourth, fifth, sixth or seventh option, if you haven't provided something of value, that's when it'd be like, okay, come on, honey, what's like you would. And I would, too. It doesn't get to that stage, but I would, too. I'd be like, okay, you've asked me what I wanted. I give them five or six examples. If that's not good enough, I'm not sure what's next. Please tell me. I'm open to your counsel and guidance now, but then it's warranted. You've gone through the process genuinely without assumptions because you're invested in them. Assumptions, expectations, point 5 reactions. This is the hard part when you keep reacting to things. So we've got stability, we've got actions, we've got deadlines, we've got assumptions or expectations. 0.5 reactions. When you're reacting, there's two different types of reactions. Instead of responding, responding is where you have control. You can respond and create and influence the environment to change. When you react, you're adding fire to the environment. Are you changing it? Yeah, but for the worse, obviously. Reactions. When you blow your stack and you're short and it all blows up, you are openly advertising and promoting one thing. I have no control. I was going to scream it, but I don't know how it'll come through in the podcast with the microphone here, but you're literally screaming at the top of your lungs, I Have no control. I have no control. So I'm going to immediately default to something that gives me a pleasure and immediate control internally, which is emotion. Anger. Anger's a pleasure. This is why people love fantasy land. They're so emotional and all in the feelings. Why? Because you can have immediate control. Immediate control. But what you're doing in defaulting by going for the kill for immediate control inside, unfortunately, like a yes and no binary, inadvertently means that you have fuck all control outside. And what does that equal? Slamming doors, yelling, blowing your stack, walking out, all that sort of stuff. So when you're reacting like that, showing no control. Okay, well let's have a little look at this point two actions. What kind of actions? What kind of words are being spoken? Point one, stability. What kind of stability do you think's existing at the moment? Probably not much, right? Does that mean that I'm a saint? Oh man, When I talk, people listen. But I don't say that in a controlling way over my wife. Yes, of course I'm firm at times, but there's a difference between being firm and completely blowing your stack and losing control. When you react like this, your actions, point two are hindered. Your stability, point one, shot to shit. So what happens? Value drops, trust drops, Respect and appreciation drops. Isn't it crazy? You'll be there screaming, all I want is respect. But your actions are leading to that exact outcome or lack thereof. It's fascinating, man. And it's not that you're a fool, it's just really ironic and funny when we look at this, I know you're nodding your head right now going fuck man, he's right. Perfect example, right? I'm not going to name names and he's not a member, but I did have a father reach out to me once and. Control freak, real control freak. Really over the top, you know, which meant short tempered and all that sort of stuff. Controlling and you know, just. Yeah, I don't know what other words he used. Controlling. Always wanted to know where his misses Was at, what was going on and had this fear around her being unfaithful and that whole law of attraction. This is the crazy thing, right? Although I don't believe the big wigs who brought that book or video, whatever it is out really articulated it properly. I'm using fancy words. Spoke properly what the message was. Communicated properly, what the message was. This guy was telling me about. And then he started breaking down. Obviously that led to the story pushing and pushing, controlling. You know, what she does time of day, her routines, her calendar, everything. Always with her, like just fucking suffocating a man, just completely saturating her with himself and. And all of it was around the argument, the fights that she's unfaithful, she's this, she's that, she's interested in other men. Why? Because you're not giving me affection. All this sort of shit. And everything he pushed on her was the exact outcome that became the truth. And what happened? He literally being worried and pushing that and promoting that energy and pushing that again and again and again on her and painting the outcomes. You want to be with another man, that he literally gave her the blueprint and the game plan to go off and do exactly what it was that he was worried about, because that's exactly where he pushed her. Crazy, man. But it isn't, is it? Like, you hear that and you're like, wow, that's fucking nuts. Be like, I can see that happening. Of course you can. He literally created, because of the sheer power of what he was pushing, controlling and influencing, he created the exact reality that he spent so much fucking time focusing on. It's crazy, man. It's crazy. Like, why would you want that? You must fucking want it. Of course I don't. Why the fuck do you keep putting energy into it? You keep focusing on it. You keep saying yes to it. Come on, mate. Can you not see it? Can you not see it? You're saying yes to this. He's saying no to fucking being a man that's going to stand up and be attractive and control your own shit so she comes to you and fucking loves you. He created the exact outcome that he spent all his time manifesting and focusing on. What a surprise. Of course, he wasn't surprised after the fact, but I think you and I both know that there are a lot of after the facts in life that we probably would prefer not to have. Right reactions. Blowing your stack, being a control freak. The opposite. Suppressing, pulling away. Disconnecting how you respond to being rejected. A roadblock. Your wife roadblocking you with affection. Any other bits and pieces that's going to define what sets up the next experience together? I mean, do you think blowing a stack being short or suppressing and pulling away, do you think both of those are good plays to pull her in closer? And here's the hard part where I guess when I look at this too, there's two things that this is sort of tied into a two. There's two efforts here when I'm talking about this blowing your stack being short and being ultra assertive or Pushy and then suppressing, pulling away and disconnecting. Both of those are not great wholesome energies. You're pushing her away or you're pulling yourself away too far and you're just cutting the line. When we talk about fathers investing in themselves, this is how you not do it. Focus on your own shit, get your own habits sorted. Make sure she's loved and connected, because you communicate that, but you communicate that from who you are. I'm solid in me. Hey, I love you, but this is what I'm doing for me, it's my time. I'm going to give back to me now and do this because I know if I become the man I want to be into the father I am, that you're going to see this man who is still your husband at this stage and be like, wow, he's. How could I not have him in my life? Value. That's what I said before. Value. It's not that you place your value above your wife. You express a level of value to the world that is then received, processed and connected to. Which means you've got an advantage because you've got history with your wife. Even though some might be a bit rocky, you've got history. So it's there. It's not like, fuck, I gotta. I've got to impress or date or do. Yes, you have to bring elements of that back in if it's rocky. So you can create that established connection. But ultimately, you got a foot in the door, man. A lot of this reconciliation, 50% divorced by 46, really like it. I reckon at least 80. This is. I don't like, you know, guesses, but if I was gonna guess just by gut feel, at least 80% of that 50% could have been reconciled. I reckon I just. Yeah, but who knows, right? Reconciliation, what, a year ago, maybe five years ago, maybe 12 years ago, maybe there were patterns that you knew were there, but, you know, the. The honey was too good for the bear to turn away. Reactions. When you're reacting in a state, instead of responding with solidarity in who you are, having that steel and frame inside, you're setting up failure for the next thing, which then drives home more expectations, drives home unequal deadlines, drives home the wrong type of actions and arguments, drives home a lack of stability. Can you see how all of these connected? This is why it's a. This is a bit of a longer episode too, I guess, being individual piece today. But it's necessary. I think this is a very important message. It's needed for a lot of Men right now, Stability, actions, deadlines, assumptions, reactions. Five key points on why you push her away. But then we've touched on, well, how do I not push her away? Well, that's exactly what we're going through. Create stability, man. Do what you said you would do. Make sure you've got clarity around the actions and who they're actually truly for or who you're not dumping them onto when they weren't asked for. Seek clarity on what it is that the actions or what actions that would be needed or necessary for you to feel drawn in and connected and for them to have their cup filled as well. Deadlines, setting times in my head or not communicating. Good projects, good goal setting. All these different things that come towards the passage of time, assumptions and expectations. As if both of them are very. They're almost the same, meaning they're a bit different. But be very cautious man of what you promote or push onto others. I don't al. Well, you do. You do. You don't think you do. But just the little bits here and there. All of a sudden this bickering creeps in. It's like, no, no, man, you are doing that. You just don't even know you're doing that. Reactions, not blowing your stack, not suppressing or pulling away. Being that man on the level. And what we're going to wrap up with, the true core piece. But point number six is yourself. Yourself. I know I've mentioned it, not a lot, but this is an absolute you cannot argue. You can argue it, but you can't deny it. Everything you do in this world, you do for yourself. The brave hero that jumps in front of a speeding bullet or speeding car to save someone. He has a preconceived idea of what his identity is to society on being that hero and how that makes him feel. And an opportunity presents for him to truly realize that legacy, regardless of whether the outcome means he's no longer here to see and he's dead or not. Applying all these points, yes, you may reconnect with your wife because of what you get back and how it makes you feel. Yes, you love being a great father to your children, dressing them well so they're not cold in winter, providing good food for them, looking after their health, getting them engaged in sports and other things. A real leader, this is the key thing. Everything you do, you do for yourself. But a real leader does things for himself with and through others to have a ripple effect so that everyone he loves and cares about benefits. That's the difference. Like I can do this podcast solely and purposefully for myself, so I can remember some key points for my own marriage. And you know what? I'll never even post this podcast. Not even gonna put it up. That's just for me. What waste? What waste? Half Italian, I get it. But I give my family, our family first. I sacrifice it. Yeah, of course you do. You sacrifice and give and give so you can put your fucking hand out and get all the kickbacks because you didn't organise your own shit as a cop out for taking responsibility over the hard truths of what we control in ourselves, which is very hard. It's easy to look and point at other people or do for other people than do for ourselves. Crazily enough, it is harder. So you can sit back with your hands and go, okay, everyone saved me now. But the significance at the time of giving for all of your family meant that you felt, martyr type actions or not, you felt you held a higher role and you were the head of the table because of what you gave the family. Just like all you blokes out there making lots of fucking money. So your family has a few digits in the account coming at the cost of your connection, your relationships, your kids. But you feel the significance of knowing that I never grew up with money, Al. So I'm going to make sure they never go without. Yeah, fair enough. But are they going out without a father? Are they going without that? Did you ask your kids, hey, kids, what do you want? Like, do this, do me this. It might change for a 16 year old, who knows? But if your kids are younger than that, do this, say, hey, what would you want? What do you want? Do you want dad to be around more and have more fun experiences together? Or do you want more money in your bank account that you'll get one day? I tell you what, if the answer's money, you got some work to do, man. Everything you do, you do for yourself. But for you, your wife, your children, the ripple effect through true leadership is different to doing for yourself through ego. Ego is alone and isolated, a bit different. That generally comes at the cost of others. And maybe if it's not directly at the cost of others, it's indirectly at the cost of others. Because you are a gift man. You can provide a gift to, through and with others because of the leadership of yourself, through the influence you give to them, because of your own actions and who you are and how you provide that stability and platform for them. So the reason why you keep pushing your wife away, because this sounds interesting on this point, point number Six is you've washed your hands, dissolved yourself of responsibility without realizing that everything you are doing is for yourself. So when you're chasing, the more you chase, the more you push away. So you're chasing your wife because it's giving you an illusion that you're providing and doing everything for her. But again, hang on a minute, let's go back up. Did you actually ask them what they wanted, what they needed? So you're chasing and chasing at the cost of yourself, chronically, which means your value has lowered, which means you're not as respected, not as valued, not as appreciated. And on the flip side, obviously you can go out, go crazy door, drugs and alcohol and go on a big, big fuck binge and go and do all that sort of stuff. And then, well, who's that going to help? You think you're doing it so you don't have to need her or the hurt isn't as much anymore. This is a really interesting point. When you understand this, you actually really liberate yourself. Please take a minute, take some time on this one. Sounds funny, doesn't it? The title, why you keep pushing your wife away. But point number six is everything you're doing in this world, you're doing for yourself. Of course I'm not out, I'm doing everything for my wife. It's still not working. No, no, no, you need to be solid in you, man. You need to be solid in yourself. This is how we wrap up all these six points. I'll sit upright and sit properly now. Everything you're doing in this world, you do because of how it makes you feel. Everything you've got the opportunity to go to a job that's 100 grand. Go to a job that's 95 grand, completely identical. Which job do you go? 100 grand. Why? Because of how it makes you feel. Maybe having that little bit of extra money, which might mean a holiday for the family, or your daughter's first car, she just got appeased. Or investing in some stocks or shares or something else, or getting that little upgrade or that air conditioning unit in the living room. Everything, everything you do ties back to an emotional attachment and your significance personally to it. The more you chase, the more you push away. When you stand up solid inside of yourself and who you are as a man, as an individual who can rapidly put these hats on and be a great father, be a supportive and good husband, communicate well, ask and then ask for yourself to receive and be open and clear about that and be honest and be real and you're Providing that leadership in the community, whether worker, business owner, society, and showcasing that. And you're controlling time and energy and delivering that well in what you do with your actions. It's one of the most attractive and amazing things you could ever have. When you supplicate, give in. You know, I don't like the terms pussy or bitch, but when you're supplicating and giving in and gifting, when. When you're there and your wife's standing around going, what are you doing? And you're like, no, no, hang on. I'm trying to. I want you to. You've got your pair of pants. I want you to fucking take mine as well. Let me. I'm just. I'm just getting. I'm bringing the hem up. I'm just. And you're tailoring. You're trying to tailor your pants, though. She's like, hang on. Get. I don't. I don't want your pants. Get away. No, no, no. Just take them, take them, take them. I don't want any fucking power, Tony, man. When you do that, no one wins. She doesn't want that. Your wife doesn't want that. And no one wants a tyrant either. I'm not talking about. I'm the fucking. I'm the king of the jungle. Everyone just listen to me. No one wants that either. But when you find that good range and sweet spot because you're genuine in who you are, and then that correlates or transfers into what you can provide when you have that connection, that's a very powerful thing. It's very attractive. It's very valuable. That's stability. See, this is what I mean. All of this sort of comes back to that first point. But it's important to recognize that first point in itself, too. That is stability. They look and they go, that man is stable. That means I can depend on him. That means he is strong. That means he doesn't necessarily need me. Which means that that means I can't create this illusion that I'm higher up on a pedestal. At the illusion of dropping him lower. I know it sounds crazy. It's your wife. It could be anyone. But these subconscious or subtleties creep in, whether it's a magazine, whether it's the gym, whether it's a fucking friends talking shit in their ear. There's always subtleties for women to process and men to process and create a value system on something, just like you have with this podcast. Most guys might listen to one and they might not. Like, seems like from when we're Tracking the data guys jump on and they just get hooked. And that's awesome. It's like, wow, there's Al. Doesn't speak shit. And there's some stuff I can get out of it. Cool, man. That's. That's great. That's why we're here. You must value yourself, man, and create stability inside of your life again. Stand up for who you are. Even some of our fathers, when they come on board. I just got to ask my wife. No, no, no. It's a declaration. Are you going to take some fucking responsibility? Are you actually going to stand up and take some responsibility? No, no. I'm not looking for your permission. Your blessings would be great, but I'm not looking for your permission. I'm here to declare I can't express enough, man, and this isn't a plug, that we have to be the step to repair your marriage. But I can't express enough. The guys who come on the inside when they make that declaration, two things happen. One, their wife sees that they're not doing it on their own anymore because they can't be trusted because they've tried so many things on their own and they've failed. So they've created a pattern in their wife's subconscious that they're a failure and they won't do it. No, no. Hey, this is what I'm doing. This is the professional outfit. Alan, all the other coaches, and this is what I'm going to be doing. They're like, oh, shit, he's. That's legit. Yeah. It's not. 20 bucks a week. And he's actually. Wow. He's got all these guys, a complete organization that he's. Wow. Fuck. You start to create uncertainty in her certainty that you're just a fucking failure. Like I said at the start of this episode, I'm painting perspective. And secondly, this declaration is you drawing a line in his hand going, no, no, no. This is me and my time now. So, yes, it would be great. Yes, I know that we make financial decisions together and so on and so forth, or maybe you do, maybe you don't. But, hey, this is what I'm doing. This is my line in the sand. I'm going to do this because I want to be better. I want to be a better man and a better father for our kids. You know what? Yeah. That might equal me being a better husband for you. And maybe things will improve by Easter and over time, things will get better. What? What better way to showcase not only what you're doing for yourself, the ripple effect to your family, but to showcase that our program or not, it's the energy, like I said, the start of this episode, it's all energy. What better way than to express that energy of who you are, what you stand for than actually defining who you are and what you stand for and making that decision that can then be seen and received by those that you love and care about. That doesn't mean they always like it. But I tell you what, your value just went up and so did a bit of respect as well. This is the craziest thing, you know, when my marriage is breaking down, I was supplicating, I was doing everything, doing it all, like doing it all, man. And nothing was hitting through. I was like, look, we need to, we need to set some actually applied all this. I said, this is what I'm going to do. I don't want to be here doing this forever with these gyms. I'm going to be doing this and moving forward. This is the time I can dedicate to the family. These are the actions I'm going to take. Tell me what you need for me as a father to help with the kids not sleeping. These are the deadlines. I want this in six months time. I want to be in this position here, here and here, personally, financially, and for us as well. I want to paint a vision and a future together. This is what I'm going to do about it and this is how I'm going to stand up and take the right actions. And when I started just, it's not about me, me, I, I. But when I started to really take ownership and communicate that, everything changed. I said, I love you, I'm here for you. But I can't, I'm not here to just fucking keep chasing you. I'm here to live my life too. I'm important too. You need to put some shit behind you. I need to make sure that the shit I'm putting in front is quality and it's great. So we can rewire, we can rebuild, we can re pattern our lives, our views, our beliefs, how we see each other. And man, I did not have RDM or HPF when I was doing this. I wish I did. That's what actually brought it into life to be fair. And it all turned around, man. And that's when I started to really dig deep. Like energies. Energies, yes. Value, yes. Stability. Didn't use that word then, but yes, absolutely. That's what it was. It became attractive again. He's the man. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you Know, and they will do this. And my wife did too. I'm gonna watch this space for a bit, see what happens. And they may not give you some back. They may not give you some for a little bit, maybe a long time. I tell you, man, I fucking won because I got exactly what I wanted. I got my wife back. I helped my wife invest in herself and improve herself. I've got a beautiful and amazing family. That doesn't mean my days are beautiful and amazing every day. Certainly not. I'm very real. But my life is fucking amazing, man. More often than not, I'm kicking ass and dominating. And the hardships that come, they get squashed or navigated around in a good period of time. You know, I need to be the embodiment of a high performance father. Otherwise everything I stand for and preach is just hypocrisy. And that was hard. But I'm proud of that. It doesn't make me better than others. I'm just proud that I've done that and that I help other people do that as well. But when I started doing that, man, I'm telling you, those six key points, you apply them, you may be able to listen to this again, I don't know. But just on that recap, having that stability again, the right actions begin clarity around the right actions for others. That you're connected to the deadlines, not creating them in your head or making sure you're communicating them. Which leads into assumptions and not pushing expectations onto others, especially of outcomes. Expectations of actions, that's cool. But of outcomes, no good assumptions. You're no longer invested in something. Don't fucking assume reactions. Not blowing your stacks, suppressing. Because you have to have control. You need to control yourself. You want control, but you're looking for control in everything outside of your life. You don't even have that of yourself first. Come on, pull that back in. And then understand that you know what, everything you do in this world is for yourself. So the reason why I give so much to children, Stella, Lillian and Roman. Well, children in general, because I love kids. But to my children, obviously first. I give so much to my children and to my wife is because of how it makes me feel, because of who I am as a man. But it doesn't come at the chronic cost of who I am. And they continually know who dad is and who Alex is and who husband is, because I'm solid in myself. I guarantee you right now, man, and you can feel this through this episode, I know you can. You apply this sort of stuff. You don't need that. Like doing all this. One hit will be very tough, but just building. They're only small. Some of the biggest problems you have is just little small steps. Making a commitment, getting clarity around those actions, not assuming. That's great. Put a habit in, take one away. A habit of thought. The reactions, when you feel the triggers, stop, breathe. Is this going to move me forward? Yes or no? Or is it going to give you that quick little hit of importance, of ego when you're alone and isolated so you can have that big lashing out and rage and emotional fulfillment which then falls apart seconds later because you know you shouldn't have done it. Like always, men, I hope this serves you well. Certainly has for me. Completely turned my life around with my relationship. And you know, I got to be honest, I've got to stick. I've got to keep crooning away now. I got to stick. It's not about pushing her away now. It's trying to keep her at bay. I'm just kidding. You know, that doesn't happen as we get older. Now look. What. Look, we've got a great relationship. I'm very proud of. Not so much where our relationship is now, but I'm very proud of the fuck, man, the hard work I've put in and we've put in to get to this stage because it is totally worth it. Whether it's your first, second, third, fourth relationship, marriage, it's totally worth it because ultimately these are tools and skill sets. Life is a skill set. It's full of skill sets that I can apply to other areas serving you guys, members, non members, to my children, to myself, to my workers and colleagues. Like, these are fundamentals you can apply everywhere. But on the specifics of how we've structured today, absolutely, man. It will connect and hit home for yourself, for your marriage and, you know, the loved ones that you connect to above all else. Play action to this and you will see, you will see rewards. Do you have a 10x effort for a 10x return point? 4. Don't make assumptions, man. But is it worth it in the end to be that king, that leader, that titan and do what so many don't? Because it is hard. If it was easy, everyone to do it right, yes, it's absolutely worth it. And it's worth it not only because you keep a good, stable footing and environment for your children connected to life. You've leveled up yourself and your skills and your wife. And there's connection, there's love, there's meaning and fulfillment, but mostly for you and because of you and your life and what you're living and the fact that you've won. You got what you wanted, you worked for it, you earned it. And it's yours. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed, enjoyed what you listen to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed into is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.