167. The Italian Stallion Who Got His Life Back

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service, and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Someone into it. Welcome to another special amazing episode. Amazing. Not because of me, but because of what should we call it should be the I. The Italian Stallion. Should be the title of this episode. What do you think, Rob?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you, mate. Should, man. Should. Should be. Yeah, that's good, man. Yeah, the Italian Stallion. Like that. Should have worn my Italian Stallion T shirt actually.

Certainly reflecting in Italian style now, mate. 20 years out of the gym now into the gym and just an absolute powerhouse. Training early in the morning. And it's like we said before we hit record, Rob, I've been. I've been chasing you for a whole mate to do a podcast with me. Not. Not so he could rattle off the. The Italian phrases that I always do every time we talk. It's all about how fast you can talk and how much you move your hands, isn't it, mate? Being half Italian myself, I'm not as good as you, but I'll aim to get there one day. Mr. Pellegrini, we've got. We've got a long list. You've sent me an email. So Rob now can run 100 meters in 11 seconds flat. He can deadlift 300 kilos. He's got, you know, he skydives without parachutes. Now look at this man. He's just. He's just a superman now. We don't even need that. Anything else. He's just the man. Two years. Two years and two months you've been with us now, Rob, and a lifetime member and something that I'm very proud of with our lifetime membership, mate. Thank you for Giving us the time. Thank you for joining us, Rob.

Thank you. As I said, I mean, I've watched the other podcasts and those stories are inspiring. I mean, if mine can be half as good as some of the other boys, it'd be good.

A very humble man and full of humility, Rob. But I think it'll be right up there with all of them, mate. You know, they all have a special story to share, just like you have yours to share. And, you know, it's really interesting, Rob. Like, we did Kosciusko last year, and this year's been pushed back for obvious reasons, but when we went through some of the little interviews that we did and your one, they all stood out, but your one, those words were very touching, mate. You know, and what you shared. And I must admit, like, I would watch that every now and then because obviously I put it all together and promoted it as an amazing video of sharing your story and the tribe and the event. And I got emotional with it, Rob, When I'm watching it and when I'm listening to the words and just, you know, I know you said thank you to me, but we both know it's just the. It's the entire movement that is just such a powerful thing, man. Like, you can't. You know, I know this sounds cliche because what we're providing is a paid membership, but it's also like, you can't put a price on having the right environment and creating a shift in your life when it's so hard for so many, mate, that don't as they move through their 40s. And I know you mentioned it's something that would have been an amazing platform that you wish you had in your 30s. And maybe that's the case for some of our members who are in their mid to late 30s, who've jumping on a little bit earlier than some of even our old bulls who are in their early 50s. But this is the thing, isn't it, mate? No one escapes life and the hardships and the adversities and everything we face. But I guess before we dive into the specifics of how you raise yourself up and took action, and it's a conversation we had, mate, that I remember vividly. We'll get to that point. I'd love for you, Rob, just to share a bit about your background, your upbringing. You're obviously Italian. I'm not even sure whether you're raised here or overseas, but I'd love to get a bit of a backdrop, mate, on. On your story and a bit about yourself. Your upbringing in your family, mate?

Yeah, so I. I was born here, but both my parents, they migrated in the 60s, and we. And I grew up in Five Dock in. In Sydney, which is pretty much an Italian sort of area. And it was just me. My sister. My sister's nine years older than me. And. Yeah, and I grew up in Five Dock, went to school in Five Dock. And, you know, I started, you know, when I reflect on my primary school years and infant years, it was, you know, I was the. And that's why when we had a discussion, Alan, you know, you. I think. I think you talked about sort of being the fat kid or whatever. That resonated with me because I was always the fat kid. You know, growing up, you know, food was part of. Part of the culture. And so, you know, you just. You overate, you know, and you, you know, you. And you just, you know, you ended up being that kid who, you know, like, the fun guy. But underneath there was, you know, a lot of sort of sadness because I couldn't, you know, I wanted to be a lot more sporty. And so primary school was, you know, was pretty tough. I was bullied when I was. When I was 10. And. And then, yeah, then, you know, I mean, it was a pretty good upbringing. My parents, they were strict, you know, but that came from Sicily and, you know, everything was a vendetta. You know, growing up and, you know, and being called Wag was just, you know, my father used to say to me, you know, I came here and I got called wag, and now my kid is born here, he's getting called wag. And so, you know, you sort of. You grew up with a chip on your shoulder at times because, you know, you sort of. You were. You were like an alien. You weren't Italian, you weren't Australian. So what were you? So a lot of my mates, we banded together and we sort of, you know, we formed. It was like, you know, a lot of the schools in those days, in the 70s and 80s or cultural pockets, Italians and the Greeks hang around together and the Chinese and the Aussies used to sort of hang out with it with their Devon and tomato sauce sandwiches, you know. You know, like in us with our salami sandwiches and, you know, the prosciuttos.

And the better beans, the prosciutto and.

You know, lunch, you'd stink your whole bag out. And I stood. I never forget. I think I was like 8 or 9 and, like, my name's like, Roberto. That's what I was baptized. And I never forget, like, My friends that were called like Gaino and Bruno, I never forget what's your name? In Australia the teachers used to say to them it was so fun anyway. But, but yeah, so like, I mean my home life was happy, my parents were great. But food was, food was like we, everything was treated with food. I did well at school. We'll get you have some pasta. You know, he did, you know, like, you know, everything was about food. And then when I, you know, as, you know when you go into high school, you know, I went to an all boys school in Asheville, Ashfield and you know that, that was, that was an eye opener because you, you know, you come from different parts of Sydney and, and you know, being the fat kid was, was, was even more difficult. So I went through you know, a stage where you know, I sort of wanted, you know, wanted to, you know, play footy and played rugby league for a couple of years for the school and you know, then I, then I hurt myself and then you know, my parents, you know, being parents, parents, I know you, you should focus on school. Don't play sport. You know, at the time the only sport I could do was at school because my mother couldn't drive. So my rugby league career ended in a couple of years there. So I focused on school. And then, you know, you know, I sort of, you know, it was a good, it was a good upbringing, you know, good mates and you know, sort of girls sort of wasn't something that was on the agenda because you know, I was still quite, you know, quite big and you know, my confidence was low and you know, and it wasn't until later on in like year 11 and 12 where sort of I started feeling a bit confident. And then, you know, I, yeah, I mean I finished school and then I wanted to go to uni but I didn't get the marks at the time, you know, not like now where you know, you could get your marks and then transfer into something else. My parents said I'll go get a job and you know, so I went to work at American Express and I was just doing like, you know, admin work and then I met my ex wife and, and my life took a different, different turn. And, and yeah, that, that was, that was a tough. We were together, we were together for about 10, married for five. You know, it was pretty tough. I mean I was very young when I got married and I didn't know what I was. It was just a good, I sound like a good idea. At the time. I was 23, I was pretty immature and unfortunately, that sort of. That failed. I mean, we just grew apart. And she was a bit older than me, she wanted to start a family. And I just. I didn't feel like this was my life partner and sort of. It didn't end well. And during that time, you know, my career had sort of stagnated. I was just working. I was a team leader in a call center and I didn't go back to uni like I wanted to. So when we split, I thought, you know, fuck, I just gave up a lot of chunk of my life and I went back to uni. I did a degree in communications and then I want to be a journalist. But then the company that I was working with, they implemented. I started implementing a new software system. And I said, oh, you know, you seem to know what you're doing. And I said, look, I've got no IT degree. I said, oh, no, you can project manager. Manager, manage the implementation. And so I started doing that for a plastics company that I was working at, Silverwater. And then from that I sort of moved into consulting, doing management consulting. And. And I was very lonely at that time. I sort of come out of the marriage and I sort of started going to the gym. That was around 2001. And then I. Then I was lucky enough to. To meet my beautiful wife that I'm with now.

And.

But unfortunately with that, all my exercise and gym sort of stopped and. And then kids came along and. And actually my. My Nikki, my wife, came as a package.

The.

So she had a daughter from her previous marriage and she was 4, and she'd never engaged with her dad. So I sort of took on that role as, you know, as a dad. And that's why, Al, before you started recording, I said, you know, a lot of these guys that I see in their 30s and 40s, you know, they're really lucky because when I started being a parent, I was 31. No, I didn't know what I was doing. I mean, you know, some of those. Some of those mindset pieces that Drew does on a Monday, honestly, I fucking wish I listened to them 20 years ago. They're just so relevant on how to deal with, you know, tantrums and when kids want things. I mean, I, you know, I always say to my, you know, my step or my daughter, because I adopted my stepdaughter, actually adopted her a couple of years ago. I always say to her, look, I'm so sorry. I really didn't know what I was doing. Anyway, then after, after. So I met Nikki in 2002. We got married in 2003. And then we had Luca, who. He's 16 now, in 2005, and then Jonas in 2007. And, you know, like, it's. It's. It's relentless. Parenting is the toughest. I thought implementing and managing people and implementing systems was tough, but parenting is one of the toughest things you'll ever do. And whether you have one or three or seven, it's still hard. So that was in those early years. I mean, I was working long hours, and Nikki was working just so we could sort of get ahead and bought a house in 2006. And, you know, you just get lost. You just get lost in the routine of, you know, of life, and just. You end up just surviving, and you don't have a lot of. I remember one of the great concepts I learned from RDM was about creating space. And I never created. I never really created any space. It was family work and footy, watching the footy. But it was no real creating space or doing something, like, in terms of mindset. So around then, I ended up managing a big piece of work. It was a big project that I was working for Choice magazine, actually one of the big clients I got to work in. And I Never forget, in 2009, as I was walking towards work, I started having a sort of a panic attack. And I never forget it. I mean, I'd always been anxiety in my family, but I went to my doctor and I said, look, you know, am I unfit now? I've put on a few kilos. And. And he diagnosed me with anxiety. And then I went on some meds because I had this big project at work. I had, you know, three kids. I mean, I'd really. I really had to keep going. And so I did that. And. Yeah, and then life sort of went on and continued to. To work, you know, pretty. Pretty hard. And corporate world can be quite competitive and very. At times, it can be quite ruthless. And unfortunately, I just fell into it, and there was nothing, really. I didn't. Wasn't confident enough just to pull the pin. I couldn't afford to do it, so I just persevered. But I never forget, Luca was like. It would have been about six. I think this is, like, now 2011, 2012. I don't forget. It was Sunday, and I was traveling for work. And he goes, all right, dad, I'll. Okay, I'll see you. See you Saturday. I never forget. I. Yeah, I. I left. I left that room in tears. And that was. I didn't do anything about it. I just thought, fuck, I'm gonna work, you know. It hurt, really hurt. Anyway, so fast, Fast forward to 20, 2018. It was so I, I, I realized that I had to, I had to make some changes because I went to my, I went to my doctor at the end of 2017 and he said to me, rob, he said, look, he goes, you're 117 kilos, your mum's a diabetic. You know, you've really. If he said to me, we have to do a blood test every year, he said, because he said, the way you're going, he said, you're either going to have. Either going to end up a dot like diabetes or you're just, you're going to end up having heart attacks. Well, there was no heart condition in my family. Was just really concerned because I was just unwell, you know. So at that time, you know, you try the crash diets, the Atkins and the keto and you know, and you try different things and try the soup diet. Like you have to eat soup or Anyway. And, you know, it's amazing, you know, how much, and I didn't realize it until I joined rdm, how much you don't know about nutrition and the way the body works and proteins, fats and carbs. And the way you guys, the way you guys explained it with all the pillars, you know, it's amazing. Odd reflection now, for God, you know, it was just, I was just, I was clutching and straws anyway, so I really didn't make any sort of inroads. And then, um. October. October 2018, I. My kids wanted the spring cycle where you ride your bike across the Harbour Bridge. I think you go through Piedmont. It's a quite a. It's a lovely ride. It's not long, you know, It's I think 6 or 7 kilometers. I can't remember. Anyway, so anyway, I'm riding and look, I'd been riding before and I thought, oh, you know, I should be able. This is a piece of piss, right? Anyway, and I'm coming up the car hill expressway and I'm. There's a bit of a hill. I'm struggling, I'm struggling. And then when I got to the flat, I just really struggling. And then it was like that scene al at Cosi when you were on the E bike and I overtook you. This fucker in a penny farthing overtakes me and my kids are laughing at me. I still got the photo. I might post it in the chat. Everyone knows it's real, this fucking A penny farthing. Passes me and I, and I look anyway. And then I looked at the photo the next day because you could buy photos. I looked old and dark and I just looked miserable. And that's when I, you know, I saw one of your ads and you know, and I mean, I never, I'd never seen anything like it before. I mean, I'd seen those dad bod challenges where like for six weeks you do, you know, you eat and, you know, you do exercise. But I knew, I knew. And one of the things that resonated with me when I spoke to you is the problem. My problem wasn't just a physical one, it was a mental one. You know, I was a victim. I wasn't owning everything was everyone else's fault. I was just miserable. And that's when we had that phone call.

Yeah. Yeah. Incredible insights, Robin. Thanks for the share, mate. Like it's, isn't it, craziness. Not that anyone who might be listening to this in their early 30s or late 20s, I mean, it'd be awesome if we had some listeners that young who were mature enough to understand that you shouldn't try and go it alone or be too proud to. There is no rulebook, is there, Rob? Isn't it crazy though, a lot of those in that position where they are younger, they may think there's a little bit of an itch, right, and they might scratch it every now and then, but they don't realise that there's some deep rooted problems that they're embedding that will catch up and bite them in the ass. And that's the, that's really the dichotomy of fatherhood to a degree, mate. Because when it hits, it hits. But then we just keep pushing shit uphill and all of a sudden there goes 10 years and everything feels more separate or distant or disconnected. And then it's more like, I'm not saying you personally appreciate your shares, but this is a common thing for a lot of people, including myself. And I knew about the body, I knew about health and fitness. I was running a gym at the time, you know, and still everything falling apart. So it's, it's crazy how you mentioned that and, and I agree, but rulebook on life. But there's so many guys out there that are just like, no, no, I'll get to it, I'll get around there, I'll get around to it. And maybe next year or next year, like, mate, we're on the verge of 20, 22, you know, like the, the decade of Dad's shirts. They're entering their third year, mate. You know, people might have laughed. I know we sort of laughed in good spirits going, mate, that's an awesome war cry, so to speak. This is the decade of dad's 2020-2030. But it's like, mate, we're fucking up to year three. It's just like that. Gone that quick. But it's. You know what, mate? I like to feel that I live and breathe the message just like you and all the fathers on the inside. And we have ups and downs. It's, it's striking that balancing act with the juggling. Not the balance per se because everyone has different perspectives on it exists. But the balancing act is certainly a great skill set to have in family self and service. But anytime when I grab my keys in their jingle, mate, like now it's getting a stage where my kids getting a bit old. Daddy, you're going to work. I was like, what the fuck? Like, I'm not, I'm not working 90, 100 hour weeks like I, like I used to and pushing hard. Not that it's a badge of honor by any means. Like I was obviously doing it wrong. But you know, grinding exists. But you shouldn't be grinding your entire life. But yeah, they're starting to say that almost like it's a bit of a habit and a pattern. I'm like, no, no, no, daddy, Daddy's just going down the shops to get some fruit and veg and like, shit, man, like it. I don't feel, I don't feel guilty but I do at the same time, you know what I mean? Because they just. We are their world and we create their world, mate, because we control their environment. And I'm like, fuck, hell, I don't know. Like I want to get a caravan and do some traveling sooner. I'm like, how much should I be with my kids? Like, should, should we hold them back from, from school for, for another year or should we, you know, take them on and spend extended. Can we afford that? Like, does any. Is anyone in that position where they're like, oh yeah, we're just going to go. Every year we're going to take six months of holidays. Every two months we're going away for two months. It's crazy, mate. The whirlwind that we find ourselves in where we're shackled, golden handcuffs or not. And we get torn in every direction with like, what you explaining working affordability and managing finances and security for the household and the family. And that's pretty heavy what you shared, Rob, like How did that make you feel, mate? Like, when your son. On the Sundays, like, I'll see you in six days, basically.

Oh, look, I mean, as I said, I mean, I. I left that room in tears. And that's why, you know, I. You said something the other week. I think you said something like, you know, my kids are my biggest teachers or my biggest. It was. It was quite poignant because they don't. They don't say a lot, but the jingling of the cake and those things, you know, they're very. Kids are very insightful. They don't. They don't listen to everything, but they watch everything you do. And it was, you know, it was. You know, it was crushing. And now, because the teenagers, you know, it's you. You want to. You want to connect with them more. And I wish that I'd connected with them when they were little because there they used to chase you around everywhere, want to be with you all the time, whereas now you sort of got a. You got to book in time with him. So, you know, if. If you can afford it, you know, doing something like that, where you're away from the routine of life, that's where true connection happens. Like when we go away, if we go down the coast or whatever, you know, that's where there's no, you know, no devices, no Xbox. And, mate, you do stuff, you go to the beach, you just connect. And I just. I wish I did that more. I wish I didn't. You know, I just got caught up in the routine of life and the, you know, striving for the next promotion and the pay rise and the bonus. And then you blink, man, and you, you know, you're 40, 47, 48. That's what's scary.

Yeah, it really is, mate. Life is. Life is so temporary, Robin. You know, I guess I'd love to get. Because for us, it's not always just digging into the source, but just getting different perspectives. Like, what. What do you think led to that, mate? Like between sort of that, I guess, 38 to, you know, 48, or getting through to that, that period. What do you think leads to or led to yourself and maybe most commonly leads to a lot of fathers in a similar position, you know, losing control of life and getting sucked up into the. Into the whirlwind and chaos.

Well, look, I. I think what. What. What happens is you, you, you.

You get.

It's like you're. It's like you're on a. It's like you're on a treadmill. That's How I felt sometimes, you know, it was like, you know, get up, go to work, come home, eat, watch tv, go to bed. Now I never forget something that Swaney said at Cosi about, you know, the fucking worst place to watch TV is on the couch, man. I remember coming from. We used to eat in front of the couch. We used the cars to come home late, so Nicky and I would eat at the couch, you know, and you just get caught up and you form habits. Not really good. That's what, you know, that's why I like in the, in the weekly temple, you ask how many times, you know, you, you have dinner, you know, together. Those little things, they're the things that get lost in this treadmill of life and you're powering on and you're working and you, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you know, you're trying to get ahead and you, you know, you, you need to earn a certain amount because you got the mortgage and you know, and, and, and you're trying to, you know, you're trying to provide for your kids. But, you know, you forget the little things. You know, the little things. The fact that like my son said to me, oh, look, I wouldn't see you for the week, like, you know, you know, that's something that I missed. And you know, when I spoke to my father, never forget my dad, he goes to me, what's the matter? He goes, I used to work all the time. You turned out all right. Typical wog, right? Because he, he was working seven till seven and he, he didn't engage. I mean, you know, like, he didn't, I mean, he engaged, he paid the bills. But you know, I really didn't get to bond with my dad till I was teenage. We got a footy, but like he was working all the time. My mother ran the house and. Yeah, and so, yeah, I, I think it's just, you just get into a, just get into a rhythm out and you know, and then that's when things like, you know, you get distracted with, you know, other things like whether it be women or gambling or smoke. I mean, I used to smoke because my job was stressful and customer said, oh, you want to say cigarette, we're going for a smoke. And then it became a ritual. And then that was that sort of, I was able to get rid of.

That.

That'S real four or five years ago. But that was, you know, you start to self medicate, you know, along the way.

So. Yeah, it's interesting with the habits, what you said then, like, this is What I love about this sort of stuff, Rob, like, I'm always. I'm like a fucking sponge, man. You know, as much as people may look or see or feel like there's. There's wisdom that comes from me, I'm just the vessel, man. I take in everything, filter it and go, fuck. That's a really good point. And when you're talking about that, some of the downfalls or the downfalls for a lot of men is habits. That's so fucking true, man. Like, you can't. Life is habits. Life is habitual, isn't it? Like, it's not like you've got. Here's 16 hours a day I'm gonna have. I'm gonna create habits that take up six hours. Your entire life is full of fucking habits. So you either got good habits or bad habits, and where are they? So, yeah, when you mentioned that just then, I was like, that's so true. Like, your life is literally a collective of habits. Do you have more good ones than bad ones? Do you have heaps of bad ones? Do you have ones that are just on the level, going nowhere? That's a fucking bad habit. Like, if it's just pushing you along the same direction, I see that as a bad habit. Because eventually the direction of life is going to change. And if you're not moving on the up with life, then, and the adversities that comes, then that habit will bring you unstuck and expose you. And so that's a really important thing, mate, because when we're looking at the journal, our vision stuff that we've got an amazing guest with next week, Rick, that we're diving into on the inside, obviously, for what we're setting for the stage of 2022. I'm like, man, this is it. We've got a thousand minutes a day. It's actually. Maybe I'm going to do an order on myself, Rob. I mean, I'm very dialed in with my life, but I'm like, how many little habits? Really little habits? Like, we could have? I don't know, but this is just something I'm processing now. We could have 30, 50 fucking 80 habits. Like, is it the habit of just turning, tapping your phone and seeing if the screen comes up? Like, all these little fucking habits. I'm like, well, maybe I should do an audit myself. Because you know what? Maybe 12 of those, Rob, are costing me 18 minutes a day. And then I look over a week. There's an hour and a half. I could have gone for a walk with the kids or One extra honey and handsome time or. It's crazy, isn't it, mate?

Yes. Look, look, look, it is crazy. And I, I, I, I was, I made, I just was making some notes. We came on. But on Sunday when you were talking, you remember you were talking, you changed, reacting in your charge up. Change, reacting to creating. Because that's what I was, that's what you do when you, when there's a habit in play, you react. Right, so I'm stressed at work, right? Oh, I'm gonna have a cigarette. Or if you're a gambler, you know, you react, you're reacting with a really, with a bad habit at times. Sometimes you react with good habits. But you know, that's why that create, that thing about creating, you got to really. I wasn't in control of my life, man. It was just, I was just, I was a passenger, you know, and I was always making excuses. I've got to do this because I've got to put food on the table. I've got to do this, you know, and yeah, and I think that's the power of creation. That's one thing I think that, you know, you talk a lot about, about creating, you know, creating your, your journey. So you're just reacting and you're often reacting with shit habits, man. Food, gambling, women.

Yeah, yeah, couldn't agree more, mate. Isn't it crazy too, like as men, you know, we stick to that which is familiar, that which we do well, which more often than not unfortunately is work. So we keep working, which widens the gap from spending time and saying yes to work, which means we're saying no to our family. But you know, and I've been guilty of it, we'll just fucking dominate area of work and be the best of that to get the promotions, to get the job done, to make sure we're pleasing others and serving where we should. But we lose touch on that in life. Like we'll dominate work, but we won't in life, like you, if we all need. And we all owe it to ourselves just to pay attention and really as a skill set, dial in on life too. Like you got to dial it in. It's just living life is a skill set, man, and it's a series of skill sets. And you can't just win it in work. You've got to dial it in. You've got to be smart, like I just said. Then having 12 shit habits, which is 18 guys might be like eyes bit nitpicky or clutching at straws. That's fine, mate, like look at that. That's 90 minutes a week. Okay? Times that by 52. Like it? I don't have a calculator here, but get the fucking calculator out. Let's work that out. Right? You've got an hour and a half times 52. I mean, it's pretty easy. And 75 hours. Okay, cool. Just on little things that mean fuck all. Like, especially around technology, it's going to cost you three to four days a year over 40 years. Like, would you want to have 160 days full time of quality with your family, your wife or yourself? Of course you would. Like, it's, you know, it's savage. And if the flip side, Rob, is what you're explaining, then about the treadmill, that's. That's how I felt. And that's how we all feel sometimes too, with, with young kids. It's fucking suffocating, man. Like, it's like, shit, I can't. It's almost like you're on the treadmill with one of those shitty masks on. Like, I can't, you know, I can't breathe, man. This is. And, and, and it feels that way. I mean, it's. We're starting to get some sleep now, so on a personal level, I'm so much more charged with energy because good sleep. But I look back and I'm like, fuck, Karim. What have we. What's the last five years been? I actually got in the 80s this, this week, twice for my sleep score. What's. What's this feeling like? I don't need coffee or even Mojo. Love Mojo. I'll never stop having it. But I don't need any of this stuff now. I'm good. And next thing you know, like I said, mate, you're in your mid-40s and the walls come, Come crumbling down. But what was the. What was the defining moment from you or what was the symbolism of that photo, like you said, of the cycling? Was it a. You know, not that I harp on negativity. This is. Well, this has been your. This has been your breakthrough, mate, because you're here and now you're looking at where you've come from, Rob, not, oh, yeah, that was the good old days. What was that epiphany, mate? Was it like disappointment or just like, man, I've settled it?

What.

What was the turning point for you that actually made you go, no, I need to do something? Because a lot of guys will see that. And just like the six days, I'll see you next weekend, they just, they. They suppress it like What? Why did you do something? Why'd you do something about it?

Well, I, I. You know, and look out. To be honest, it took a while because it was December 2017 when the doctor said, listen, man, you know, you want to stop. If you want to stop tucking your shirt into your undies, you're gonna have to do something, you know, because my clothes were tired. I just feel heavy and, you know, when. Yeah, I just. It was all. It was quite. It was. I was quite lethargic. And then I. I think. I think visually seeing myself and in. In that shot, it was very confronting. And I thought, fuck, mate, I. I'm. You know, I'm going to be 50 in three. In, you know, in two, three years time. Like, mate, if I'm not careful, I'm not gonna be able to pick up my grandkids or. I'm gonna have to, buddy, you know, I'm gonna have to bloody. I'm gonna have to go on tablets. And my mother wasn't diagnosed with diabetes till she was living in her late 50s or something, you know, so I just thought to. And it wasn't even. It wasn't. It wasn't even vanity. It was more. I just. I just. I didn't want to. I didn't want to risk my life for something that I could control, that I wasn't controlling. So I don't know if that makes sense. Like, you know, the overeating and the comfort eating, like, it was. I could control that, and I just was out of control. And that's when I looked at that picture and it was just. It was so confronting. And that's when I thought, man, I gotta. I've gotta do something. And I tried diets and gyms and, you know, like, I mean, you know, it just, you know, it was a mental issue, man. You know, I could have gone in and. Look, I hadn't. I hadn't gone to the gym.

Since.

2001, but I knew that this was a mental issue that I had to sort out. This wasn't just a physical one. Yeah, I just felt. I don't know, I just. I think I felt sorry for myself. Poor me. Oh, God, I've got to work. I don't have any time. You know, it was just the whole mindset.

Yeah, it makes total sense, Rob. I actually wrote that down. I think it's an amazing quote, mate. I'm not sure if the wording was correct. I was writing quickly, but don't risk life with something you control. You can control that. You aren't Controlling. That's so true, man. Like, if you can do something about it, fuck, man, you should. Why are you, Aren't you. I totally get it. Even if it took you another 18 odd months. But it's because we caught up, obviously, October 2019. But why'd you reach out to me.

Actually? Was it 2019? Yeah. So that means the doctor must have been December 2018. I got my ears out. So it was October 2019. There you go. You've got a better battery than me. Well, when I, when I saw the ad, I thought, you know, I knew because you weren't just talking about. Just, you know, around exercise. It was more, you know, around educating, around nutrition and around mindset and, and so forth. And, and I don't know, I just. A lot of what you were saying resonated, you know, with me. You know, it was about, you know, you know, you know, you know, being, you know, understanding, you know, food and nutrition and, you know, like, nourish the body, move the body, all the pillars, you know. And the way you described it, it just, I mean, it made, it made sense, you know, it wasn't, wasn't like a, it didn't sound like a sales pitch or misspoke, you know, I felt at ease and it was an eye opener, you know.

Yeah, it's, it's critical, like everything you're saying is true, mate. Like, it's critical that all of you men out there listening to this or watching this understand that to a reasonably large degree, not that we have to become Mr. Olympias. The body is a representation of the mind, your standard, your values and self respect. Does that mean that I have rippling six pack? No, I don't. But I'm fit, healthy and strong. I nourish the body, I restore the body. Like Rob saying, your internal health is one of the most important, especially because you can't see it and how you operate every single day. It's critical to start with that. And everything you do physically affects you mentally and how you feel, brushing your teeth, having a shower, everything. So whilst our key element is at the core of the man and his identity, the body is an amazing vessel from which, with us as men, Rob, which I'm sure you'll agree, like going to the gym. And again, we can tap into that primal parent and tap into that psychology of going, yes, I want to win here. I want to be driven and competitive and it's in our DNA, man. Like the Spartan warriors, we all have that inside us to leverage that, to then improve the mindset. And then it becomes this. It's almost like a bit of a game of tennis, isn't it, mate? And you just create this rally. What am I doing mentally? What am I doing physically? What am I doing mentally? What am I doing physically? And they complement each other and you build this beautiful rally, like an amazing tennis game with Federer and Nadal, so to speak. And it raises up with the right environment and people obviously cheering you on and coaching and everything. You obviously live and breathe on the inside, mate. But what was. I remember our phone call, mate. How did you find it? It's something I'll never forget, Rob, because I was right at that stage where I actually went all in on RDM and helping fathers to the point where my gym was dying, it was failing. No one really knew at the. Except myself, but, yeah, which I'll touch on. But how was that chat, mate? You said you remember it vividly as well.

Oh, look, I was. I mean, it was everything you. Because I thought to myself, you know, this guy is a father, you know, and you explain some of the adversity that you'd experienced with your rugby league injuries and, you know, that you'd had some challenges, you know, in your. In your relationship and so forth, and, and everything you said, just, it just, it sort of. It made sense. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't like you were, like you were sharing, like, it was like a reflection of what I'd. What sort of. I'd gone through some of the challenges that I'd faced. And I. Look, and I was. I mean, I, you know, I was. I think, if I remember correctly, I think I handed over. I think I paid that day. I can't remember, but it was, it was. I mean, I. I don't know, it was. I just felt. I felt. I just felt right. And I trusted you. I felt, you know, I could trust you, you know, and, you know, and then, you know, things happen. You know, it was very quick. It wasn't like, you know, I paid my membership and then it was like four weeks later, like, everything happened really quickly and, and it sort of, you know, it eliminated, like, any excuses of, oh, this is. Do I really want to do this? It was. It happened all quickly. And I had the call with Zach at the time, the onboarding call, and, man, I, I. It just felt right, you know, like, you just, you're very sincere and, And I don't know, I just. I don't know, I felt like a connection with you, Alan. It was. Yeah, it just felt right and it was the best thing I ever did.

Yeah, every father has come on board, mate. Like there's a level of connection and it's an anchor point to what this means to me, what this means to us. And as a collective, everything that we are all buying into in being that message and evolving at a greater level than what life is clearly evolving at with the speed of technology, all the crazy shit going on at the moment. And the reason why I remember that too, Rob, is because you played that pivotal role in me on a personal level, because you're right, You g your credit card details and you paid in full. You pay the entire amount up front. So that's the first time that's ever happened for me. And that was the largest amount of money that I actually, truth be told, man, like, that was the largest amount of money at that time that I'd ever received and had someone. And I know it sounds crazy because like you said, we didn't fuck around, we got straight to work. Let's help Rob win. I knew what we could do and I've always believed in myself. But it's so crazy how sometimes with different symbolism. I know it sounds silly, but it's not the money, it's the symbolism behind the trust. Like you said, how that can just raise your level of belief again to the point where, I mean, you know, I've changed tenfold since that day that we spoke. But we continually grow and evolve. And it was that day I was like, I know this sounds. But this is what I love. Like whether there's members watching or listening or guys who'll never even meet me, like just, it's like, fuck, man, this guy is all in. And I'm not saying like I'm some sort of. You're placing your life. My hands. But I was like. That was the moment for me, Rob, when I was like. Because I had the consult in my gym and it's an amazing gym. It was a 600 meter squares, 600 square meter facilities. It's one of the best cross facilities in the country. And I was an elite crossfitter as well. And after that phone call and sitting there just in my office, I walked out and I looked at the rig. We've got a massive. We had a massive rig. It was like rings and ropes and it was like 20 meters long and huge. Like I said everything there and I saw the real bad movement on the wall because I had it painted on the wall. And I just went.

I'm.

I'm fucking out of here, man. Like, I cannot I'm not here anymore. I'm done. Like, I don't know. And this again, please, other members, take this with. With respect. It's just a timing thing where that consult with you, Rob, and your commitment, investment. I took a big breath and I was like, I'm fucking out of here, man. Like, I cannot. It wasn't. Mustn't even. It wasn't even the money. It was a symbolism to go. This is what we are doing for men. This is where this man was. Because obviously he opened up to me about your personal life, what was happening. And at that stage, we'd really. Like I said, I did go all in to the point where I stopped paying my gym rent. I put all of my money. My gym was like 30 grand in debt on bills. When I say I went all in, man, I'll talk about this more at cozy, but I went all in, Rob. Like, I stopped paying my fucking gym rent. I put everything into my coaches and mentorship to make sure I was delivering the highest. I put fucking everything into RDM in that month of October. And you're one of the pinnacle moments that was for me going, this is what the world fucking needs. This is what fathers need. This is what families need. This is how we all win together. Not with just fitness and people from all walks of life and ego and bullshit. I'm going to beach it. This workout. I'm going to beach that workout. How do I do a muscle up and all that other fucking shit that I spent plenty of times doing lockdown, grading it. I love that I had the ability to do it, but, man, it was just. It's very close to my heart, Rob. You know, not that I want to keep waffling on about it, but it's why I just. I remember that day to the team and, like, everything around me, it was almost like the whole world stopped. And I don't know if it was just slightly in the future hour was just talking from one Pisano to another, the Italian Stallions uniting. I was like, yeah, man. Like, yeah. Like I said, it's not. The money's a symbolism. We go, you know what? There are actually fathers and men, and we've already helped a fair few at that time, help teach with other programs, but with rdm. And I was like, this is. This is so much more fulfilling and rewarding helping these men where I didn't. I didn't. Like I said, I didn't give a fuck how much. How much money I was making with the gym and all that sort of shit. And status with Elite. I was like, this is real, man. Like, this is so true. And here we are, Rob, just over two years later now, man. You're a member for life. So it's incredible, mate.

I mean, look, it's. I mean, look, I. I think you'll definitely. Well, I think you found your. I think you found your path, man. Because I think even now with the HPF community, I mean, it's funny, you get the randoms that are reaching out to you and saying, oh, look, you know, just by talking to you, I've made these changes that. And I remember making a comment that you're changing. You're changing the world one dad at a time. So I think, you know, I know that. That commando stuff, and that was something you. You reached great heights, but I think you found your. You found your path, man, because this is what. It's tough being a dad. Now. I remember. I don't know about your dad, but my dad didn't engage. I see you with your kids, man. You do a lot of stuff with them. My dad, go to work, watch tv, go to bed, you know, like, so, you know, I think you. You know, you found your path, man, because it's tough being a dad. It's tough being a dad. So you get a lot more, I think, satisfaction out of helping. Helping us, and we benefit from. From you and the tribe and. Fantastic.

Yeah, I love it, man. Like, it's. I finally. You know what, Robyn? This is the hard part, man. Like, life is hard. Then you throw kids in the mix. Doesn't matter what age you are, it can become crippling at times. And I give so much and put so much in my kids, and I'm fucking exhausted, man. Not to the point where people, like, I have a family and I'm sugarcoating going, everything's amazing. And not to the other point where I'm like, oh, yeah, it's crazy. I never get sleep. I love the ups and the downs. But I'm so fucking fit, Rob, because I need to be, because I've got three energy sources that I'm trying to drain every day as well as my wife. You know, being present for her and talking, communicating with her and, you know, it's talking about draining my energy with my wife. There we go. Hope she doesn't listen to this podcast and it's taken in the right context, but no honey and handsome time tonight, Rob, if it was, it's you and me. So I don't know if you're the handsome and I'm the honey, or hopefully.

She'Ll take it in the right context.

It's really fucking hard, man. And I feel like through the nine operations and a lot of shit, I have a very similar. Like when we're young and fat and picked on, it's. It's really hard, mate. Like, it's really hard going through puberty and just, just belief systems inside of yourself as you go through puberty when you, when you're carrying a bit extra and you know, it's very challenging. And after, I guess from that to an elite athlete to multiple businesses, you're right, mate. I finally feel like I'm home, Rob. And it's not an overnight success. I've worked for like fucking 18 years to get to this spot with heap load of shit, over 200k in debt, that's not including home loans. And just fucking step after step, trial and error. And I'm blessed because I've got amazing men around me like yourself that I can keep turning up. Because if I had an environment of guys who are just kicking shit and victimhood mentality and whatnot, I would have folded this a long time time ago. So credit, credit to you and the other men. But you're right, mate, the Italians. My dad, like, yeah, bless him, mate. Having four boys, he got us heavily involved in sports. He did. He loved sport himself. But then when it was the evening dad got a. He'd get a massive bowl of fruit. I just, I don't say typical walk, but we could say it because we're Italian or I'm half. But he'd get his big bowl of fruit, you'd have his TV and then you could not even go in the room. Like you could, like, here's, you know, plenty of times, mate was either the belt or a plank of wood or. I'm not gonna say my father didn't abuse me. There are plenty of times like being a young boy and calling mum a bitch. I deserved a kick up the ass and I got it. But essentially, yeah, you're right, mate. There's some strict. Yeah, he's a work. Workaholic, I think. I think a lot of. A lot of ethics do have that, that work ethic and a lot of people do in general, but it's. They don't stop and create space, mate. They don't stop to reflect and go, am I doing the right thing? Like, it's 8:30, I'm coming home at night. Dad's home and he looks tired as fuck and he's just been in the office all day. And it's like we're going to stay out of his way, we're going to go up to our bedrooms and just kick back. And when I reflect on that, mate, yeah, it's challenging, Rob, because again, he did come over on the boat. He was only about 5 years of age and migrated over with his family without his dad first. His dad was still overseas in Italy working to then send money to set up. So he came over with five brothers and sisters and his mum. And again, he didn't know. He didn't know. He didn't have any rule book and know what to do and what fatherhood looked like. And it's, it's a crazy thing, man, because I like to peel back some of the ugly truths, including personal shares, so guys don't think that I put myself on a pedestal because it's really hard for all of us. Like, any guy who goes, oh, my marriage is amazing, mate, kids are always so fucking easy. I'll tell my mate, you're not fucking trying hard enough for your own liar. Like, that's, that's the truth, isn't? It's true.

It's true. And I mean, getting, getting back to your dad. This is what I, this is how I justified my dad chasing me around the house built and whatever and chasing me around with a wet towel and she's a wet. So it hurt more. You know, they did the best the best they could, right, with what they knew. That's. And they often they parented the way they were parented. And my dad's my grandfather and he was a tough guy. I don't hold any resentment, but I wish I was a lot more. I mean, I didn't do the things that he did, but I wish I was more insightful. When I was working all those hours and coming home and I was tired and not creating space for myself and just working. That's what I saw my dad do. So. So a lot of these younger guys, they're lucky that they got the insights of the tribe. And, you know, people like, you know, and then people like me, like Pete Dunlop, Chris Head, some of the older guys share their experience. Like, I had a great talk with Chris the other. We're talking once a week now because of primal pairs. And I was telling him I had some challenges with my boys and, you know, I got a booking time with them and he said, oh, you know, selfish time. And Rob, you got to remember how you were. And yeah, that's the type of support that we got that you've built with RDM and you know, it's fantastic.

Yeah, I love some of the older bulls, mate, the, the older statesman in the tribe say with respect, those listening to this, I don't want to just, I don't want to have like, you know, 30 odd dads just in a dark alley with their cane sticks waiting for me one day, mate, but I'm just kidding. But you know, it's, it really is an incredible adjustment when we see that transition into the second half in life for a lot of guys that some of our guys in their early 30s and I don't say it to blow smoke up their ass or try and paint a rainbows and smiles, but I say, man, like you're going to fucking set yourself up for life, man, like if you follow through on this and do this properly where you're not just you've planted the seed of poison, you've fertilized it, you've nourished it. It's this big tree now, it's this massive oak tree that you're now going to cut down because you just realize that you've been doing the, you know, things that aren't not going to say right or wrong, but things that aren't serving your greater purpose with yourself and your family way ahead of the game and like yourself, Like I feel blessed that I'm around a lot of men who like I said, are teaching me on the inside of the tribe what it is. Like I'm not in my 50s, so I've got far. We've got a lot of fathers in their 50s. I'm like, okay, these are the stages and like you said with what we get with the weekly temples, reviewing it, getting that I can literally to the point now, Rob, where because this is all I do being the alignment coach, I'm just seeing just blocks, it's almost like five year blocks of what happens through the man's journey. And even in my late, in my life, if I can give to Roman in my late 30s what he can then learn in his early 20s, he'll be ahead of me. Just like you said with our parents, they're doing the best they could with the tools they had at the time. But here we are now with technology, with finding the right tribe, the right men, we can really grab life by the balls, man, and take that time which is so finite. We all value it, but we just forget but take it, that's so finite with the right environment and men and tools to go, okay, now we can go up here which I'd love for you to share, mate. It's been just over two years now. You probably started and had expectations of a little bit here, a little bit there. And for us, we try and raise that baseline. Raise it, raise it again. What's that look like for you, mate? On a personal level, you know, your journey with us last two years, what's changed? Where are you? Where are you now?

Well, what I did, I looked at the HPF app and the old Trainerize app And I've done 278 workouts and 254 cardio sessions. Right. And I joined the gym in November 2020 for the first time in 20 years. And that was, and it's funny how like that session at Kozi like you did, you were good. Like that's when I realized like everything you said things like no one gets left behind and non judgmental because I mean I thought this guy's a commander guy and he's telling me how to use a machine. But I didn't feel uncomfortable, you know, like you were very patient and that's what inspired me. I left Cossey and then I joined the gym in December 2020 and made all this stuff. I wouldn't make this the longest thing I'd ever stayed in. I mean I would have joined, I joined gyms before like when I, you know, before, you know, 20 years ago. Yeah, you go for a beer then you lose interest and then, you know, or you. But I've stuck it out and that's, and that's my journey. I, you know, I, I've actually, I've actually. And you, you used it in one of the charge ups. I've actually done what I said I was going to do and I've stuck it out. You know, I haven't got as many workouts to speak fryer, but I'm, I'm close, I hope. But you know, like my journey is, you know, and it's still, and it's still evolving, you know, because you guys are evolving. I mean I noticed you guys always, you're always striving for better stuff, you know. Like now that my zone thing, I thought who am I? A 50 year old fat guy with this man? You know what? Today I went to the gym and I actually had my phone there as I was on the bike and I made sure I pushed myself to get into the green zone. And I thought that that's a 1 percenter, man. That's a fucking 1 percenter. And if I didn't, you know, and at my zone I only learned about it through rdm, right? And I would never have thought, I would, never thought I would have bought one of those fucking things, but I've done it, the rdm and, and I, you know, I owe, I owe RDM a lot and made it. And for me it's, I mean, I look forward to. I hope this thing lasts 100 years, man, because it'll definitely leave a great legacy and we'll have better dads for it.

I appreciate that, Rob. Very kind words, man. I agree. I hope this is around long, long after you and me pass on into the next life, mate. And it's so important because with the genuine environment and the right tools, you can, and you can see the evolution through generations. And this is what it's about, man, getting those 1 percenters like that, my zone stuff that we track. And I know like, I've spoken to my brother and they sort of use that. I think they call it Lionheart or some other shit in F45s, but they do all that. But if you don't have the culture, man, because he said when he was using it, he used it in F45 and like they're getting behind this lady who was obviously hadn't ever trained before and she was constantly in the red zone and they're just pumping her up and whatnot. She looked like. He said, she looks, she's about to have a fucking heart attack. And. And she was just doing step ups and he was busting, he's very fit. He was busting his ass and getting no points. And look, he's a driven man and he was using a little bit of his own ego in that chat I had about him. So I told him what we're doing in relaying his frustration that someone was getting further ahead on him from the perceived scoring mechanisms that F45 used. But this is where we bring in the right context and purpose with all of the tools we have. And I mean, mate, I'm nowhere near the top in terms of, of meps earned, but it's relevant. It's getting inspired by seeing these guys going, fuck, man, these guys just went for a five hour bike ride. They got like fucking 600 points. That's incredible. That's awesome. Like, I'm not going to do that bike ride. I've got my own training regime and what I do. And obviously weightlifting, you earn less than cardio and there's obviously different algorithms involved in it, but it's the 1% of challenge and just that little challenge, man, that's what it is. Rob get from the blue up into the green zone. And when we have these little nudges and challenges, they're done in such a genuine way, mate, that you can't miss or lose, like. And it's not. It's not that I have in my head standards that everyone should be doing. And I'm just like, you know, getting it. Here's the big leap. It doesn't exist. It's like, no, man, this is where you're exactly where you need to be. Let's just get here and let's get here. Let's get here. And then all of a sudden, what's it been, two and a bit years? Two years, two months. It's 365, 730. You know, we're looking at about 800 days now, Rob. Like, it. It's crazy. You think a few years, but it's like, it's 800 days. Like, where will you be in 3,000 days? You know, it's awesome.

No, I know. I mean, look, and it's. I mean, I've been on. On it, on it with RDM. I mean, I've lost 12 kilo. And it was funny. Like, when you go through those plateaus, you know, there's like, you know, you talk to your dream team and our Rob, it's just the number. And, you know, you know, why don't you, you know, use your measurements or, you know, you know, so. So, you know, it doesn't matter if. And look, you set yourself goals and be, you know, because, you know, you're right. I mean, it's in 800 days. That's a big. I mean, I know that I've achieved a lot and maybe doesn't always reflect on the scales, but, you know, you know, I feel better, I'm healthier, you know, I've dropped a drop to size in. In pants and T shirt and, you know, and. And, you know, I don't. I don't feel, you know, I can sit comfortably without, you know, my belt in my jeans digging into me because, you know, I'm sort of. My stomach sort of, you know, bulging a bit. So. So, you know, I mean, I'm looking forward to what else I can do, you know, because it's. It's just. It's just an ongoing thing. And the good thing is, you know, with all the challenges that are in place, like, you're right. Like, you know, the Primal pairs and the Winter wars at perfect times, man. Because I don't think every fucking Christmas. Oh, you know what? No, it's Christmas, you know, I'm gonna have fucking pun at Tornay. I'm fucking drink. That's Christmas, you know, I'll, you know, I'll go back to normal in January. You know, that's a. And you guys do those challenges right at the right time. Winter wars, you know, comfort eating, that's one of my fucking go tos. Right. You know, it keeps you honest, man. That's. That's the great thing about, about the. About, you know what, like the programs and, you know, and you're right. I mean, it's just an. It's just an evolving journey. So, you know, would I like to lose more? Yeah, I do. But there's a lot of other, you know, mental health benefits that I'm getting out of, you know, not spending four weeks eating like a pig because it's Christmas and I got Christmas parties and whatever. You know, it's. Some of those, you know, it's a culture of accountability that you guys have put in place, which is fantastic.

Yeah, definitely. Right? I mean, your body shape's changed completely, man. I've seen photos of you training in the gym and you've put good muscle on and this leads to that vitality. Like, what does a father want? Like I said, I'm in good shape and I'm strong and healthy and fit. I'm not the athlete I was 10 years ago, but also don't want to be because that came at a big cost, Rob, and a cost of life. I've got exactly what I need to continue to perform. And I might maintain that, but then have the little challenges like the My Zone, like the primal pairs like the Winter wars, that I don't contribute to the scores for the members, but I dive in and take part of it. But you just keep those little challenges going. And here's the difference. Sometimes guys think they're just maintaining, like yourself and playing along the game, but what you're doing, even if you're maintaining just very incrementally building bit by bit in your game of life relative to the last 10 years, it's a fucking massive win. Because you would have gone down 10 flights of stairs, but yet here you are, you're still walking up one staircase at a time. And that's a huge win, man. Which is why we coined that term. Don't look at where you've been with a nostalgic sense of desire and pining to be there again. It's actually look where I've come from, because it's been two years and then another couple of Years. Here's the hard part, Rob, when we're looking at thyroid and hormonal health for a lot of fathers and please understand, all you guys listening, this is nothing to do with health and fitness, but it's everything to do with your health and longevity in life and quality of life. There's a lot of work that needs to be done, man. Like, yes, we rejuvenate our red blood cells every three months and all that sort of shit. We've got some good signs behind what we do, and we bring in DEXA scans and sleep and the way we track things. We've got all that. But it takes time, man. You can get some great results. But then the internal health, the inner health, we can't see. It does take time. You can't get that by going on detoxes and flogging yourself and chasing calories. And you can't, man, you hit these little points and then we readjust and you look back and then all of a sudden, yeah, it will be 20, 25, and then maybe, Rob, you've only trimmed six more kilos, but you know what? You've actually trimmed nine, but you've put on another three of muscle. But it's not even that. It's your performance in life. That's now how you're handling yourself for the boys who are now men, you know, and then. And obviously the focus and clarity you have with your wife, with your work and with life in general, mate, like you said, you mentioned Chris Hebb, one of our members. He was on not too long ago. He's 55 now. And it's. It's epic, mate, because all of this leads to. Not that we're wishing it away, Rob, but all of this leads to. And I thought about this before when you mentioned your father. How awesome will it be to be a fit, strong pop or granddad or nunno, as we say in Italian? Like, it's got to be one of the most exciting things ever. Not that I'm wishing for that tomorrow, but for me, it's like, man, if I'm fit and healthy and strong into my 50s, I've got something that doesn't keep me up at night. I can hand it back when I say, you know what I mean? The grandchildren, I can hand them back, I can play with them, have that energy, and it'll just be. And other. Other areas or stresses of life might be more alleviated. You know, we know with finances and other challenges that hit most people in their 30s and 40s when they're trying to really earn their stripes in the world. I don't know if you've ever thought of that, mate, but I think it'd be fucking amazing. Life. There's nothing I'd love more at that stage of my life where it's going to be inevitable anyway than to have that with the gas tank and energy to really enjoy what children bring again.

Mate, look, absolutely, my kids, I mean, you know, kids keep you young. So you know, if I can still run around with my, you know, with my grandkids and I mean I'm healthy and you know, and, and that's why, that's what we like. We talk about the long game. With other, with some of those, you know, short term diet and crash, you know, man shakes or whatever, you'll get results but you know, you might, you might drop the weight or whatever, but it's not sustainable. Whereas what we've got in place here is something that, you know, it's something that is, you're developing, you know, you know, habits and you're creating your journey for the long term. And that's why, you know, and like I do think about it. I think, you know, if I, if I keep on going the way that I'm going, man, you know, I will still be, I'll still be able to run, I'll still be able to go to the gym when I'm 60 because, you know, that's, you know, I'll have less stress then, but I still want to be able to be healthy and not be, just not just exist. No, and be able to spend time with my kids because kids keep you young and you know, if I'm able to run around my grandkids, mate, that'll, that'll, that'll just be, that'll be just another win, you know. You know, you know, like I think besides just the mental and physical, you know, health benefits of, you know, like being part of, you know, like, of being a member, you know, that's a bonus, I think.

Yeah, I agree, mate. But this is the trap that men fall into. You know, they're chasing wealth at the cost of their health. And that is what true wealth is, mate. Because what do you have if you don't have that? It's a great saying I saw the other day when I was getting some Cairo treatment by Jim Rohn, a very old school mentor and coach. Well, he's very old as well, but he, it was something along the lines of, you need to be good and look after your body. It's the only place you have to live. I was like, fuck. He's so true. Like, yeah, you think the way you live is something external and tangible, but you're living inside and through your body and so many people will be of the what you just explained, but they'll, they'll cop out and have an excuse to go, yeah, but I'm going to wait to that. You know, when I'm 60, I'll have more time. Like when I retire, I can, I can live life, I can get fit and healthy. I'm like, no fucking way, mate. You showed me how many 65 year old people that are severely out of shape mentally and physically and just completely torn to shit from life and worn out and worn down, mate. Very, very small percent would be able to just go like that and then turn around. Plus what we just shared before the compound effects in the negative, the detrimental habits that people have in place. Legend. Imagine if you kept doing that for another 18 years, Rob, and then you've decided to turn it around. I mean, what a nightmare, man. I couldn't imagine trying to rebuild my life at 60 years of age and trying to undo the damage of 25 years of what I've gone through.

That's why these, these younger like the younger dads in the group, they're just so lucky. They're, they're actually. And that's where this decade of dads, it makes sense. You're actually setting a path and the foundation you're developing habits that will take you, that'll take you forward, you know, and that's where, you know, I mentioned before, my regret is if there was something like this when I was a young dad, you know, there would have been habits and you know, you know, you know, tools in place where you know, you know, like you sort of, I don't know, like it would have been different, right? So, but that's the past and you can't change it. But you know these guys, that's why it's important that you know, you people like, you know, like, you know that people that are part of rdm, you know, you participate, you, you know, like you do your temples, you do your quick checks, you, you know, you watch Max Monday or you know, you attend the sweat sessions because they're, they're all, they're actually life skills or life habits that, that you're learning and participating in.

Yeah, absolutely mate. Like it's what you said before, which like I said was a good breakthrough for me on understanding that the habits is building layer upon layer over time and to grab that and even nip in the butt some of the bad ones. Because this is the crazy part that guys don't realize when you're taking away a bad habit, it's fucking amazing. Not because you've removed the bad habit and just stopped in your tracks of where you're going in the alternative or wrong direction, because you've just freed up time and energy to replace it. Like, it's not. I just get rid of a bad habit and that's it. Everything, it is a continuous interchange. Like, even if people are smoking cigarettes, you'll give that up, but you will adopt and apply something else. Even if you don't think you are or you do, you will. That extra 45 minutes a day of what you're doing by going out and smoking six times for eight minutes or whatever it may be like you will always replace. You will either replace the good habits you had in your early 20s with bad, or you replace the bad with good. That's a phenomenal opportunity because we get these guys in a quick turnaround, man. If we are just bringing in, you know, the style that we do, you've got family, self and service. We only need one. There's only one most important thing in each segment. Circle of life. We have those three areas. You take away the bad and you do that consistently. And then you bring in the good. You've got a 10x turnaround, Rob, because in six months, even with a 50% hit ratio, three, but like, you're looking at bringing in nine good habits and eliminating nine bad ones. That's life changing, mate. Like you said that the 1% is with what we do, correlates to your habits of what you do in everyday life with yourself and your family as well, mate.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I mean that circles of significance, I mean, that's, you know, that is where. And that's the great thing about rdm, you know, and it. And like when, like the first time you talked to me about that, I think, fuck, you know, how can I work this out myself? It's so simple. But, you know, that's really what life's about. Family and self and, you know, and service and in your temples. If there's one thing, you know, whether it be cutting down on, you know, tech use, which is one of my, one of my goals, you know, that I'm trying to work on, you know, those, they're like all those little things, they make a big difference, you know, over time. And that's why, you know, I'm in a. I mean, I'm in this for the long game. And you know, and you know those sort of quick crash diets and those quick things. That's not setting you up for success.

We never can. Here's the thing. It's always a belief system that must change. Rob. And I can't change anyone. We don't change people. Their belief systems change by being influenced, and the belief systems get changed by being influenced on the possibilities, the probabilities if someone does nothing, and the possibilities if they do something of their identity, which is a choice, and then reinforcing it as truth. It's who I choose to be inside myself. Now I'm going to back it up and show myself and the world in this external reality, not just my feelings inside who I am. And when you change that identity system, your belief systems change. And it's the only way to move forward, Rob. You can't have that. If you look at the superficial things, like perfect example, we do challenges on the inside, right? But they're not the foundation, they're the cream on top. Just like the events when we do cozy. People wonder why they go and spend 2, 3, 5, 10 grand going to these fucking events. And they go and do these events to find themselves again. Or they chop up bits of wood or they walk on fire. I'm not bagging out other people who want to serve and help other people. I'm sure there's a place for it. Odd part is the place that it's for is not sold to the people to say, hey, get your shit together first. Build a foundation of who you are and what you're doing, and this will be your peak or this will be your pinnacle. Perfect example. Like if we. Let's say we caught up two years ago, Rob, and like, okay, you sign up in October, Norris, mate. You come into Kosciuszko in November. You spend two days there and then that's it. There's no coaching, Rob. You're all good, mate. You're all sorted. You've spent two, three days with us, mate. Will touch base with you halfway through 2020, see how you're traveling. And we'll have a phone call at the end of the year. We both know where you would have been, mate, and that's not your fault. It's not because of you, it's all of us.

I can tell you where I would.

You would have gone on the pasta diet. I've heard there's a pasta diet out for Italians. Is that true? Does it work?

Because that's one thing. When we go back to that call in 2019. Like, you know, you, you, you. And I'm assuming you're still doing it now, but you were very quick, like, look, this person will call, you'll get your t shirt, this, you know, and it's sort of, I thought, you know, this is good, you know, it stops that thing. Like, it stops that sort of excuse, which is what I used to do. What have I done? Is this the right thing to do? Maybe I shouldn't do it. You know, that's why, you know, I felt comfortable. I paid my money up front and everything started happening straight away. And then, I mean, in those days when I started, I mean, the chat, we didn't have as many people. But that chat is so important, man, because the minute you think, oh, fuck, you know, I don't really want to get out of bed, you know, we've got that like, all that rise to win stuff that my phone starts going off and then it may get you out. And that's, that's why you're right, you can't just. Those, those, those type of programs don't work, man, because in six months time, that phone call is, you're going to start all over again.

So, yeah, yeah, it's, you're right, it's. You don't, you don't have to. And it's not that we're there just, just pointing, going, do this, do this, do that. We have massive amount of valuable, you know, insights from members, from coaches, our resources, our knowledge library. Huge. Like, we don't overwhelm guys. But also, you're right, mate, let's get them all rolling. Don't think, just go. Because the, what you've been doing in your current thinking pattern is the reason why you're right fucking here. Like your current thoughts and your processing, whether you overthink or whatever the roadblocks you are that you put up inside of your own head, that's, that's the company you'll continue to keep if you keep doing that and having that vicious cycle inside of your life like that. That's, that's who you'll continually express, who you'll continually become. And more often than not, if you're here, there's a reason you're not happy with how that's turning out. So I agree, Rob, and that's why we're not here to rush dads. But yeah, we don't want to fuck around. Let's, let's get to work. Let's get, let's get into it. And you know, when we're looking at the events and all the other things again, like, it's not, it's not. I'm not here to act shit on people who want to serve and help others. But. But essentially, mate, we should write this down, mate. I should write this down one day, Rob. Like, this is, this is what you get. Like, I look at it, let's compare it to psychologists or marriage counselors or nutrition coaches or joining a gym. Or I look at this, I'm like, man, just off the top of my head, Rob, I'm trying to think here of our coaching because our itinerary does change. But it's like these guys would get nearly 300 coaching sessions a year. Multiple special guests and speakers come in, as well as our physical and online events, as well as obviously their own dream team with access to all the coaches to help them with their specific needs. So they've actually got 365 days of access. But yet when I break all this down is like, this isn't seeing someone once a month, Rob, or going to a gym and there's a program on the board and here's some loud music to get you through. Like, it's incredibly fucking hands on, mate. And yes, of course that's come at the cost of my bottom line personally, but I don't care, mate. We're playing the long game. Everything we do, we. We want that ranch. We want to continually build and reinvest and have the RDM ranch one day where we can go that next level again. This is our sanctuary where we continuously could be quarterly, could be monthly, Rob, for those close enough, you know, you are, if we have one in New South Wales, awesome. Let's reconnect, man. Let's get back into the ranch and ground ourselves, you know. But what would be. I've really enjoyed this episode, Rob. I don't know if I'm going to sleep tonight, mate. I'm actually feeling more and more energetic as we keep talking. But it's a night rider, man. Yeah. All I need to do is play with one of the kids for five minutes, mate. Yeah, but isn't it crazy? I get that feeling, right? You got heaps of energy. You'll play with them for like 10 minutes. I've been like that before. I don't know if it's just been the adrenaline and it just drops. I'm like, we'll be out at a park or something. I'll be like, man, I've just sprinted for 15 minutes. I could, I could fall asleep on a pillow right? Now, but I really enjoyed this, man.

You know. You know, I'll get. I mean, the amount of work you guys put in, no one should ever question, like, value for what they pay. I mean, that knowledge library, like, we. I mean, there's fucking meditation, there's recipes, there's nutrition tips. There's, you know, there's. There's a lot of information there. Plus there's the. The coaching sessions during the week and the guests, the yoga, mate. It really is a comprehensive program for mind, body and, you know, and. And that's why, actually, I made a few notes. It makes me sad when you do your ads and people say, oh, look at this guy. Or, you know, oh, it's too late for me, and why don't you talk to the family law court or whatever? You know, it makes me sad because it's never too late, man. And people should, you know, they should just give you a chance and talk to you because, you know, when I see those. And I know you have thick skin, but that, I mean, I feel sad for you when I see some of those comments people make, you know.

I.

Mean, yeah, but, you know, like, you know, there's. It's never too late. So, yeah, people, you know, broaden their minds.

Yeah. As soon as people stop believing in themselves, Rob, they look to elevate or create an illusion of elevation of themselves by pulling others down, you know, and that's. And I appreciate, mate, that you and a lot of boys care for me. And, you know, we've got a lot of support. We've also got a lot of guys, whether he like or love button or people who messages privately and whatnot, who listen to our show and follow us on YouTube and they're in our free HBF community on Facebook. Like, we've got more lovers than haters. But I don't know, mate. I guess I'd rather stand for something than fall for anything, Rob. So maybe there's guys who are on the fence, or maybe there's guys who just like me. But generally, more often than not, either fucking love me or you don't you love us. When I say me, I'm talking about what I. And we represent, which I'm proud to be, front man or not, because I'm representing all of us, and we are all representing all of us, just like you are being on this show with me. And I don't take it personally, mate. The only time when I feel feelings is it's more. Not pity, but it is a bit of compassion and empathy for them. Funnily enough, mate, because I look at that and I'm just like sometimes, and I gotta be honest here, like, I'm thick skinned but sometimes my heart will sink a little bit. It's not because of me and my ego identity. I'm just like, man, look at the words. This place just fucking put out. Like, he's so fucked. Like, I know that sounds bad, Robin, I'm not, but it's just true, man. I read some of these comments, I'm like, this guy is so fucked. I feel for him. Like he doesn't know. They don't know who I am, Rob. They've got no idea who I am. They've got no idea what we do on the inside because they're not on the inside. So how can I take any of their words or their stones or their gender? But you know what? I love leaving those comments up there because I can take a fucking hit. And that's attractive too because guys look at that and go, well, Al is the fucking man. Because you know what he's got? One of his videos has got, I don't know, one and a half million views and there's fucking thousands of blokes having dick. I don't give a fuck. And that's a pretty powerful thing for guys to see that. And I'm not saying that to try and, and create a perception or influence people to think I'm the man because I could take a hit, but it's. I look at my life, Rob, when you mentioned the thing about being overweight when you're young and I look at my life and sometimes I'm like, oh man, I've just been, I just been fucking smashed. Like it's an operation. It's losing that contract. It's leaving PENRITH and joining St. Georgia Lord of Dragons. It's breaking up with my now wife, but it's breaking up with credit time because we thought the travel was too much driving. An hour and 10 minutes units, you know, it's losing my, my home. I had a unit right there on the beach before Wollongong boomed and they said getting my, getting my shoulder torn as in Serbia, and losing my contract with Souths and my career being destroyed and almost being hurt. Like, I look at a man, I'm like, man, I've just been. And we, we all have lists. I'm not saying that. It's just, I guess to start to wrap this up on a personal reflection with, with a lot of the strangers throwing stones at me, I'm like, man, I've. I'VE copped a fuckload. But what's the alternative, man? Like, do I just accept it, Rob? Like, can I accept 13 year old Al? Can I accept Alu had his career destroyed, never made first grade rugby league as a high profile player? Can I accept alu ran gyms or failing in businesses that went 230 grand in debt? If I did, man, we wouldn't be here. And I'm proud of that, Robin. I'm proud of you for that as well. Not to sound condescending because you're my elder, but it's just fucking awesome to see because it doesn't matter what age you are, you could be 25, 55, 65. It's never too late. There's so many people already convince themselves that it is. But what would be your advice, Roblox? I've loved this session, mate. I really have really enjoyed it. Definitely another one I'll listen to. I'll fast forward my part so I can just hear you. But great wisdom you've shared, man, you really have. But what would be those final, final thoughts though, mate? Like, I'm not sure if you did have some notes or something, but I guess some advice for some of the fathers and I told Azeri not to try and plug us. It's not about that and telling guys to join, but he did it anyway. But just some advice, man. Guys listening to this, what would you pass on for guys who might be stuck or in a rut or what are the key things? Or one thing, what's something you want to pass on, mate? Or give us some advice from father to father, man to man, to help someone who's listening now, look.

I think that it's never too late and if you, if you do, if you do, if you want to make a change in your life and you, and you want to set yourself up, you know, for, you know, again we talk about the long game for the long term. This is a great program to be part of and you know, it is a paid program. But think about if you're a smoker or a gambler or a grog or whatever. Think about the money you've wasted and think about this as an investment in yourself, in your future self, not only for you, but again, we get back to family, self and service, you know, be a better husband, be a better friend. I mean my work colleagues, you know, someone said the other, gee, Rob, you know, like you, because they used to work with me like back in 2014. Fuck, you're different, Rob. You know, like you're just so calm and measured and you know, you're, you know, you're clear. And I said, mate, I feel good physically and mentally. And I was telling them about, you know, like the program and they were, yeah, and they were like, they were impressed. So it's an investment not only in yourself, but for the people around you, actually be a better person. And mate, just do it because people around you will benefit as well. And it's never too late, whether you're 50, I mean, whatever, I mean, it's never too late.

Love it. Thank you, sir. And great points to finish on. It's very true, man. Like, it's never too late, but the, the day when it does become too late is the day that you wish you could just wind back time a little bit and that's. It never has to be a hindsight thing. You know, you don't. People talk about in hindsight, don't talk about your fucking life in hindsight because that will, that will leave you very burnt, disappointed and with deep sorrow. It's never too late. Couldn't agree more, Rob. And then the other one.

Yeah.

You know, like, as much as we talk about men investing themselves, filling their cup, being 100% so they can give the reason why is because everything else we're connected to with our eyes, our hands, we see cuddling our children, everything else we're connected to outside of us helps give us a greater level of purpose as well. So I'm not going to say if you're not going to do it for yourself, do it for them, you should fucking do it for yourself. You should do it for them. You should do it for them through doing it for yourself because they'll win too. But love it. Rob, great, great session, mate. Great episode. Really enjoyed your company and your time, mate. Looking forward to when we get to catch up, obviously in person again, mate. We'll have a good workshop plan in January and obviously we have cosy at the end of January. But great to connect with you again, mate, and really appreciate your wisdom and shares and sharing your story with the other men as well.

Now look, and thank you. And look, thank you for everything, you know, you've done for me personally. And, and yeah, I mean, I. Look, I, I owe you a lot and you know. Yeah, I mean, I, I'm sure, I'm sure you put in more than probably what you, what you get out the amount of hours you put into this thing, man. But I, look, I really do appreciate it and thank you for the opportunity tonight.

My pleasure, Rob. You're worth it, man. And you owe me nothing. The wins and the victories are yours. I'm just humbled to be part of it, mate.

Thanks, man. Thank you.

And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.