168. The 4 Doors Every Man Faces

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. And here we are. The silly season is well and truly upon us where I don't even know why I'm laughing, but it just cracks me up. Humans are funny creatures and I'm not saying that because from a position of not being one, we're funny animals, aren't we? And I look at the silly season, you know, it comes to mind, it's like, fuck, man, there's always something, isn't there? You know, it's Easter, there's birthday parties, it's too fucking cold in winter. I don't get 12 hours of sunlight anymore. It's dark until 7am and then it gets dark at 4.30pm and then there's a barbecue, there's a christening. There's a way. I mean, there's always fucking something, isn't there? You know, if you allow there to always be something which hinders your approach to a greater life or gives you, or you allow it to give you the opportunity to create excuses, which means you're excusing yourself. That's what an excuse. And excuse is the same fucking word, it's just pronounced a bit differently. So when you say, excuse me, when you're trying to walk past someone or there's a crowd of people or there's a chair you need to get past and someone's sitting down, what you're looking through is you're looking for a rite of passage to excuse yourself from responsibility, ownership, pushing through some of the shit or discomfort at times that we all face in life so that you have less and you have less, worse discomfort further on in Life. Because you stood up, took the right actions, and liberated yourself with more control, more certainty in life. And you took ownership over that. Merry Christmas. What a way to start an episode. Look, I'm not. I'm not a pessimistic person. I'm not cynical, you know, I'm not a down and outer, certainly not a victim. It's just these podcasts, man, they are true. They're transparent. If something pops into my mind, I will express and share that. Now, it's really interesting. I'm not a Grinch by any means, but I just find it fascinating that human nature leads down a path of peer pressure or not doing what everyone else is doing, because that's just the way it's fucking done. No, it doesn't have to be that way. It doesn't mean I don't celebrate Christmas or Easter. But I gotta be honest, man, like, it doesn't hold as much weighting with me as it does with probably a lot of other people, including my wife. You know, I love doing it for the children. When I say doing it, I love giving the children different levels of celebration, of excitement. It's not just the presence of spending time together. I get all that. But why the fuck am I gonna let someone else that I don't even know who created it? You know, obviously there's different types of symbolism on Christmas, but you know what I mean. Old jolly, fat, red suited man with a beard dropping down chimneys. I don't know who created that. And I'm sure you could find whatever wrote the history. Whoever controls the history. Books, of course, will tell you where it comes from. But do I really need, like, do you really need someone to tell you when and where you should celebrate? It's why, truth be told, man, I can't fucking stand Valentine's Day. You know, I always celebrate appreciation for my wife sporadically. Times when it's planned, times where it's sporadic. Times when it's spontaneous is probably a better word. But look, you can't change the conditioning of a lot of us that we've been raised with. So, yes, there's times where I'll appreciate my wife around the 14th of February, but I don't do it on Valentine's Day. I'll do it the week before. You get a jump on everyone else. But anyway, I hope all of you, regardless of the circumstances and challenges many of us face, above all else, took some time out for yourself. I can't. I've got too big a set of eyes in what I've done. Who I'm connected to what I see. To just say Merry Christmas, just like I say happy Father's Day, and everyone should be happy. Christmas is a really fucking tough time, man. We've had guys reach out and book consultations where their wife has left them on Christmas Day. Christmas, take away the facades of social media and all the bullshit that the mainstream media pushes on. Happiness and joy and candles and lights, and Christmas is a tough time of year for a lot of people. Again, I'm not a Grinch. I'm not taking away, but it's literally, it is the precursor to the end of the year. And I've got a phenomenal podcast coming out for our end of year review. Make sure you catch up on that one. It'll be rolled out in a couple of days. Even if you're listening to this on January 5, January 12, February 11, you'll get value out of this because the point of this episode is actually the four doors that every man faces. I guess I just, you know, it's been a few days. I've had a bit of a break. I wanted to do a bit of a recap, but help you understand that, you know what? Christmas is a tough time because there's been so much pressure building. There's been so much chaos, so much hardship. Yes, there's been victories, there's been runs on the board. You know, like, it's. It's. It's been. You know, I don't say it sheepishly, but I'm aware that other people have gone through some traumatic stuff. But, yes, this has been one of the most successful, probably the most successful year of my life. But it's with good reason, man. Like, it's 23 years of different points of failure and trauma and hardship and overcoming adversity, taking risks. It's just. It's really reached a point where we're giving a lot of value and service to fathers across the country, more than we've ever done. My relationship with my wife has hit the next level after a traumatic and turbulent period in 2016 and 17, which took years to repair. We continually build and strengthen my children through all the operations and hardships they've faced. They've all had operations this year. They're healthy, they're still strong. They're smart and clever. They want to learn, and they're blossoming. My health, I'm incredibly fucking fit at the moment. Very strong. Feeling fit and strong again. I'm not making a CrossFit comeback. Maybe. Maybe in the Masters, but. No, no, but I'm very strong and healthy. And so it's, it's been a great year. But shit, man, like, we all get punched in the face. It's, it's been a crazy, very. One of the craziest years. Like, yes. Is, is it a war? What defines a war? You know, there's always something in someone's lifetime, whether It's World War I, World War II, all the other different fucking diseases that are here to kill mankind, and then they sort of not fought by the wayside, but people move on. And there's a disease after every fucking animal. Swine flu and chicken flu and pig flu. I was going to call it bird flu. Look, it's a tough time of year and it's really tough when you try and put on the brave face and just sugarcoat everything with gifts and smiles and food and pleasures and pleasures and leisure. And then, oh, here's reality. Yeah. Then all of a sudden people, I'll save this for the next episode on New Year's Eve. But people like, ah, yep, yep, New, New Year, New Year me. What are you talking about? The difference between December 31st and January 1st is one fucking day. It's one cycle of the sun. Have you really changed? You might have sparked or ignited a different state inside of your mind, but that's one moment. If you've got a thousand minutes a day, 365 days this year, you do the maths. 365,000 minutes and you're spending 30 minutes, 20 minutes, 60 minutes, 10 minutes, intoxicated or not, on how you're going to conquer the world next year in 2022. Sorry, mate, but you're probably mistaken and you'll probably mistake yourself for a fool when you fail. Like 92% of the population in the first four weeks. Not painting a doom and gloom. This is really the pre frame for this session, this episode, because there are four doors that every man faces inside of his life. You and me, all of us, none of us are immune to this. And we face them every fucking day. We face these doors in life and you can only walk through one at a time. And when you walk through the door that you choose, not anyone else, you choose it. You're met very quickly with another set of four doors and you choose again and you choose again and you choose again. And we're going to go through these doors, what they symbolize, what they mean, what is on the other side of each of these doors, there's four of them for you and your life. Because essentially the straight of the line on door number four. Not. Not on door one, door three, but the straighter the line or the more consistently you can walk through door number four, I promise you, man, your life will turn around. It will fucking flourish. Like you wouldn't believe. And you wouldn't believe it. And you can't believe it, because how can you believe it? Because that hasn't been happening for you. This is why I'm here. This is why we are here. Whether you ever join on the inner circle or not, we're here to provide that pathway to say, you know what? I may never meet you. Mark, Paul, James, Adam, I might never meet you. Hopefully there's at least one or two Paul, Mark, James and Adams that listen to this. Otherwise I should have chosen some different names. I may never meet you. But if I can help you inspire, if we can inspire you to raise a level of belief inside of yourself, because we all need that at times. Sometimes we need someone else to believe in us, for us to raise and truly see the belief that we have in ourselves. Game on, man. You're back in the game. You're back in the hunt. Because believing in yourself internally is one thing. Making that shit true in the real world. Completely different. Completely different. That'll be a bit more of a recap on the episode I'll have on our. Not the end of year recap, but it's also a New Year's. Hey, let's. Let's set the stage for. These are the eight points on why I won. And this is why I'll keep winning. Because guess what? I'm gonna do the exact same eight fucking points. Because there is flexibility inside them. There is maneuverability. You can adjust. One of them is about adapting and being agile, but that's not this. You listen to this one first, mate, and this will carry much waiting for you in the next session, which will carry through to be the last session of season three. Can't believe that we're going to be entering our fourth season in our podcast series. That's incredible and big thank you to all of you guys looking on, you know, just on the edge of 50,000 downloads. It's incredible, the four doors. So you want to be as consistently as possible walking through door number four. And I'm going to share with you what that is. It's important to understand the other three first. I like doing things more often than not in numerical order. So let's start with number one. There are four doors that every man faces in his life every single day in different things with different people. Places and things. And essentially there is a choice that you'll make that will affect you and will affect others depending on what you choose and which door you choose. Sorry. To walk through. Because they all play a pivotal role in what you're connected to. These doors. They apply to you with family, in your relationships, they apply to you with service, your work, the value you add to the world. I mean it's going to be pretty clear after we go through these four doors. You'll know exactly which one I walk through. And that doesn't mean that I put up a stage or a facade for you. And Al walks through door number four, but he doesn't with his family. It's, it's patterns, man, it's habits, it is you, you are a collective of your actions. So it affects your service, it affects your family. And there are four doors to walk through when it comes to yourself. So let's rip on into it. Door number one. There are four doors. It's essentially four choices. This is the. I like to bring in some sort of visualization. It works really well for everyone. You're literally walking up, grabbing the handle, twisting the handle. And you know what? There isn't a window in this door. It's straight fucking wood, man. You can't see on the other side. There's just a big sign. So you can't peer through and go, oh yeah, maybe. No, I'm not going to do that one. No, no, no. You commit and you do this and you turn the handle, you open the door and it's like a vortex. You get sucked through. Bang. That becomes your reality, your experience. That is your choice. That is what you must own for that passage of time with the energy that you connect with that time. Two things you and I never get back. You should know that by now if you've been following me for a while. Door one, do nothing. Four choices, four options. Door number one is do nothing. So when I talk about the four doors that every man faces in life, this is when you're presented with situations, circumstances, opportunities, yourself, actions, morning routines, night routines, communication, listening, relationships, business deals, work, career, starting businesses, closing business. Like anything, there's always a choice. These are your choices. Four doors are the four choices you have so you can zoom right in on something specific, like breakfast. I'm going to do nothing. Okay, well maybe you're going to fast but you can zoom right out and go okay, what about life doesn't have to always be heavy handed. But yes, they do apply to the little small intricacies and the large macro areas of your life, door ones do nothing, unfortunately. Again, it's not that no one's bought and they do nothing, otherwise they wouldn't even exist. But we're looking at averages, right? We're looking at the law of averages. What are you consistently, like I said before, which door are you consistently walking through? Unfortunately, the do nothing becomes a pretty common thing for a lot of men. I wouldn't say once they enter fatherhood, but I'd certainly say once life starts to chip away at them. It's a common thing we see as men as they enter their mid-40s. I don't use things like midlife cris and all that sort of shit. They're just terms people attach to breakdowns and impulses. It's a byproduct of what's chronically been affecting you for over a decade. When unfortunately you can't rest on the laurels that you've on the runs on the board that you've created. Maybe as a teenager, maybe someone who used to be an elite athlete or play sport or you still had your testosterone pumping high, you can get away with a few things. You're young, you can go out on the pits, you can bounce back. Do nothing is door number one. And unfortunately for a lot of men, the older they get, the more they start to walk through this door. And it's an option that a lot of men, as they get older and enter the second half in life, they take. It's not right or wrong, man. I don't judge people, I'll judge actions. Absolutely you can too. We should all judge actions. I mean, you're observing them, you're reviewing them, you're calculating their value, their worth. You have absolute. Go fucking nuts, mate. I'll always judge actions, but I don't judge the man because the man can change. It's a moving target. I would look the fool as much as people assume that I judge. I'm just very down the line sometimes and then pretty light hearted in other areas. Doing nothing. It's not that it's right or wrong, it's simply a choice. I guess the question is, mate, if you're going to do nothing, are you going to be happy and own where that path will lead you and your family? Especially when you hit that point of no return. And these irreversible changes to your life, your health, your relationships, your work, your business, where you live, what you do, you know, like this is the hard part when you're doing nothing. You just, you're washing your hands you're relinquishing complete, almost. Almost complete control. Now look, of course you're going to have a shower, brush your teeth and eat food. What I'm talking about doing nothing. And I talk about action. A thought is an action, a feeling is an action. Don't try and pull apart my words, because on a universal sense, anything is fucking. Everything is an action. And a choice, not choosing is a choice. But let's peel it right back. When we're talking about whether you're growing or dying, these are the choices you face every day. Like, did your relationship improve with your family through Christmas or deteriorate and get worse? Are you being a better father in January or at Easter or around birthday times? Or you're being a great father consistently throughout the year and owning your shit, your mistakes and having a better temperament in nature by creating space, taking time out for yourself so you can come to the table one level above the chaos and be that pillar of stability and strength for your children when they need desire and deserve it, because they're children and you control their environment. So this is what I mean when I say do nothing, literally doing nothing to improving yourself, your circumstances, your quality of life. At best, you're maintaining, which is slowly deteriorating or decaying. You are either growing or dying. So door number ones do nothing where you're virtually relinquishing, I'd say at least 95% of control in your life where you may do the same things, but you're essentially not really even doing them anymore because life just keeps punching you in the face and, and you're worn out. Like it's. It's a common thing, man. Like, this is why I don't judge you. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. It's just like, man, how, how could you be happy with that? I don't. This is the whole irony around regret. Like, it's funny just on a bit of a side, not on a tangent, but it's funny. The whole term regret, it's like, can you have regret? Because when I look at some of our universal laws or ours absolutes, I peel it back, I'm like, well, no, because you fucking chose it, mate. So if you chose it, you shouldn't regret it, which means you should be happy, which means instead of regret, there should be happiness. Oh, but look at your face. You don't look very happy. Now, I get it. You don't control everything that happens. You know, bust ups with the misses, all that sort of stuff. But you do control what you can do to influence and persuade the energy and the connection of that relationship. If you're a wine. 5, 6, 8, 12 years. That's really tough, man. It's why I can't judge you. Like, how could I? Like, you wouldn't have known any different. Like, RDM and HPF wasn't around in the 90s. I didn't even know if it would have survived. The old fucking burly blokes don't need this shit. What are you talking about, mate? My wife's happy. Of course she is, mate. Until she fucking leaves. And you see bags packed. Is she happy then? And you piss off at the pub or fall apart on your own. Too fucking late then, isn't it? So when we're looking at this, it's important to understand that, yes, if we zoom right out, you know, everything that has a beginning has an end. And that might be relationships, it might be stages of your life, phases of your life. But you got to ask yourself the question, man. Like, is this going to lead me to being more fulfilled, having more joy, being happier? Is this the path I want to take my family? If not, fucking stop doing nothing. Because life will steer your life for you. Life will steer you and control you and take you. And when I say steer, I'm not talking about a gentle little drive in a buggy between hole six and hole seven. I'm talking about a massive fucking whirlwind that's going to sweep you up and you'll be fucked. You won't know which ways, north, south, east and west, and. And you'll be in a constant tailspin. And then burnout, breakdown. It all happens. It's always the same. Different names, different specifics, the outcomes the same. Don't do nothing. That's door one, door two. Go it alone. Many take this option as well when it comes to going it alone. It's a really interesting one because if you want to improve your life or there's certain things you're not happy about, I mean, let's have a look at this. Let's have a look at it this way. Things are going pretty good for me, Al. Cool. That's great. Good to hear things are going pretty well. If there was, that's great that things are going well, but if there was something you could improve or would want to improve, because this is how we peel back. I need you to know this. It's not a psychological thing. I'm not a psychologist. It's just do it. You'll see this works. This stuff works. It's a great practice for us. I do it to myself as well. Okay, Everything's great out. Cool. Good story. Good story. Nice. Let's connect the facts and feelings. If, if there was something you could improve a little bit though, what area would that be? What does that look like? Ah, then we start to peel the layers back. Well, you know, I am. Let's use me as a perfect example. Yeah, I'm really happy with my life. It's fucking amazing. Got three beautiful children, full of energy and, you know, one area I would like to improve is. Shit, man. I can't tell you the last time I had eight hours sleep. I think I've had eight hours sleep once the other day. You wouldn't believe this. I think it was Boxing Day, man. I should post the. I don't know where I would post it, but maybe now. Free HPF group. If you're just listening or tuning in, make sure you join that. By the way, there's some pretty solid stuff we put in there for our, for our guys who are up over 2,000 members now, which is just fantastic, but I woke up 14 times. I was in bed for 10 hours and 40 minutes and I got 7 hours and 54 minutes sleep. I couldn't believe it. I was like, holy shit, man. I woke up 14 times at night. I think it was boxing day night. So 26 into the 27th, I was in bed for 10 hours and 40 minutes and I was awake for 2 hours and 45 of it. I still didn't get 8 hours sleep. I couldn't believe it. And I got a reasonable sleep score. But I was cooked, man. Like, jeez, like waking up 14 times. Maybe one was for a piss. The rest were the kids and they rotated. Stella wet the bed. Roman woke up screaming. Lillian had a bit of an earache or a fever. We had to look after her there because she had grommets put in. They're falling out, we've got to get them put in again. It's like, holy shit, man, I'm getting axed. So look, life's great, but if there was one area, Al could pick his life up a little bit. Yeah, you know what? I'd love it if I could get a bit more sleep. I don't control all of that, but I need to make sure I'm dialed in on my morning and night routines. And I guess the point I'm making here for someone like myself who I don't want to say I'm self credited as a high performance father, but I'm Not a hypocrite. I live and preach what we do. And being a high performance father is juggling those three areas and continually seeking improvement and growth in your life. So I guess that's a pretty clear picture of the examples of what I set and do that I love to live and breathe the message. And even then I'm looking to still improve. So this is where it's the whole go it alone. You got to be cautious of that because if you're stuck in your own way, you don't ask these reflective questions or these peel the onion layer back type questions, you are going to fall victim to your own bullshit and stories that thinks everything's just, you know, we've got rose colored glasses, everything's hunky dory. She'll be right. Well, this is a, this is a hard truth. When we talk to a lot of men and they think things are okay but need to improve with their relationship, I'm like, okay, what would you rate that between one and five? Your marriage, what do you think your wife would rate it? Oh, you don't know? That's scary, man. That's, that's the. Yeah, that's falling into the abyss. That's a whole heapload of uncertainty there. It can be unknown, make it known by asking, communicating, connecting. But when you think you're at say, oh, I met a three hour, you know, I'd love to be a four or five, but things aren't great and you have a chat with her and she puts a one and she's going to leave your ass in two weeks, I'd say that would be probably time to get out of your own way and out of your own head. This is the problem when you go it alone. If you're stuck in a cycle where maybe it's something small like I shared, you want to tweak or optimize or maybe, yeah, you know what? I got fucking at least five or six shit habits, Al, and I want to turn that around. If you're stuck in your own cycle of poor habits and self sabotaging and this mindset which has carried that through consistently, it doesn't equal a rewarding outcome or positive change. Yeah, again, like door number one. It's not that it's bad, it's just, it's just confusing. When you may speak words or have thoughts or feelings sporadic or consistent, that you want to improve or change your life, but you don't do anything about it, or you just keep going it alone, which means you're unhappy, you don't have to knock the door down and say, oh, hpf's the answer. Here, take some fucking money. I'm in. That's not what this is about. I'm not here to sell you on anything other than helping you sell yourself on your own possibilities to create change in your life because you can. Don't just listen to these men and think, oh, yeah, that's good. Yeah, I feel good. That was a good walk. I've got some good mindsets to do. Fucking something. Don't do nothing. Don't go it alone. That doesn't mean you need to, like. I mean, I love investing in myself, in my health, in my business. I've got. I've got an amazing team around me, you know, in my family, in my relationships. I love that because I know that it is massive roi. It's all roi. When you invest actively, when you control that, when you don't go it alone, the hardest part is. Is like, so go explore. You can. You can do that. I mean, that. That's door number three. We'll get to that in a sec. But going it alone, the hard part is when you're stuck in the same mindset of a person, of a version of you that you're not happy with, but you keep repeating this cycle, but you're unhappy about it. Why would you continue to listen to that version of you when you keep going alone and keeping your own company, which means you continually turn into the version of the company that you're keeping. This, this isn't a Willy Wonka or, you know, Jim Carrey, Riddler, Batman, fuck. I don't know which one it was, but it was a pretty funny and corny one when you look back. But that might have had Arnie in it. He was Mr. Freeze or some shit. But look, you can't. You can't just keep going it alone, man, with the same company, same cycle, because you are the company you keep, which means you repeat the same pattern, same habits, but then you bark these words, I want to be different. I want this, I want that, I want that. I'm not happy. This isn't happening. Like, what do you expect, the definition of insanity? I know people say that same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome. It's actually, I get that. But for me, it's about expanding, going, look, there is a lack of alignment between your internal reality and your external reality. So internally you want this, this, this, and that. Externally, it's not happening. Why, that's insanity for me, not peeling the layers back and going well, it's obviously, obviously a mismatch here. It's not working. I should be playing first grade rugby league. Why aren't I getting picked? They're picking fucking under 20s guys before me. I'm getting man of the matches. This was me when I was playing with the Dragons. I was like, what the fuck's going on here? And obviously wasn't asking the right questions. I wasn't seeking, you know, I was like the coach the whole. The way my dad raised me. They're your elders, respect them. Don't just train hard, do the work. Be quiet, Be a quiet achiever, man. If I look back now, the very first thing I would be doing, and I wish I did it when I was a Panthers, I would have been going into the first grade coach and going, hey, I want to make first grade. I want this team to fucking win and I want you to win. How do I make that happen? Where are my weaknesses? What can I improve on? What do you look for? I was front row lock at that stage because I had a big gas station tank. But I enjoyed being directly in the middle a good, good defensive game and ran the ball hard. But I would be doing that. I'd be so proactive. And even for me, like, looking back, if I was a coach of a team now, be like, man, have a look at the balls on this bloke. He's keen, he's hungry, he wants it. And that's what I actually did. I've retired in. I know I say I retired at the end of 2011 when I played for. Excuse me. When I played for Italy over in Serbia and popped my shoulder and against Lebanon and was destroyed and lost my contract. It was really before that that I retired. And I know this sounds. This sounds really funny. I don't think I've ever shared this. 2011 started and South Sydney had a fuckload of injuries. Like just all front rows and forwards. And I was watching and I had a couple of guys like, oh, man, you did your own. Because I did. I did my own preseason. I was training, I was living in Manly. I was installing swimming pools for my brothers. I was doing pt. Workers were like, I was super active, super strong, super fit, big gas tank. I was looking after my knee. I did have an elbow arthroscopy at the end of 2010. I was having needles every game just to numb the pain when I was playing for, for Wests. So I had a clean out that recovered well. And I was like, man, I'm thinking about it. I'm thinking like, man, south, they've got no one to the point where I think they brought one or two got like they did early season trades and brought other forwards in. They got injured and I was speaking to Krin, she's like, just, just call John Laing. You've got his details, don't you? And I think I contacted, I can't remember who I contacted. It might have been Swaney, it was one of the Penrith blokes. And I said, mate, have you got John Laing's number? Might have even been Justin Lang because I had a good relationship with him. He's a top bloke, runs an amazing, you know, performance center in the Shire in Cronulla. But great dude, might have been him. But I got John Laing. He was the first great coach at the time at Souths and I met him and knew him for a period of time and I up and coming at Penrith and I called him and I said, John, mate, I said I'm in great shape, I'm ready to go, I want to play. And like, I wish I did that at the start of my career, man, because I went up and I made it from there. Straight in North Sydney Bears playing there bang on the bench for the Bunnies, I think five times. Still didn't get on because the buyers guys were busted but coming back and getting what they needed to get done and you know, they're just still playing and it was a, it was actually years, it was a frustrating year because I, but, but it wasn't at the same time because I didn't expect anything but I, I shot up there and I got straight in there and I was just so proactive with him and, and Langy. The way I approached it, he was like, look Al, like I can't give you a run on first grade, mate, but you know, I can get you in with the Bears and we can start you there. I was like, holy, mate. I wasn't expected to just come in and walk on into the South Sydney Rabbit Hose, you know, I'm happy to earn my stripes. Let. Let me at it. And God injured, just fucking hooked in, man. And had a very, had a very successful year. Didn't get. I was on the bench but didn't get on, unfortunately. But yeah, in terms of having the balls and gusset to go. Better to be prepared for an opportunity, not have one than the other way around. The opportunity came and I took it and I did really, really well. Like for someone who did everything himself, came into the club and like every club you come in. So obviously there's a little bit of friction with the North Sydney Bears. Some of the boys who wanted to play just reserve grade, they then got kicked back. I was obviously starting straight away in reserve grade and then went up to grade and it was an amazing experience where you just. You back yourself and you have the balls to go, this is what I want, this is what I choose and I'm getting after it. I know that was a little bit of an expansion off the back of the four doors that every man faces, but I just wanted to share that with you because everything you get from me is very transparent. It's not just verbal vomit or diarrhea or dumping on you. But this was a position. This is in a position where I had a good tribe around me. That was with my training, with my work. We worked together, we trained together, we're strong. I was doing all my PT and fitness and I was doing some programs, different types of programs for father's then. And it was all health and fitness and I wasn't a dad myself and you know, doing nothing. No way I would even come close to that. Like that put me in a position to then get picked to play for Italy where the team made the World cup phenomenal. Doesn't matter that I destroyed my shoulder in the last game and I've got the jersey right there behind me like part of fucking history, man. I played five international games and I'm proud of that. So regardless of. And I had a. And then, sorry, I guess to expand on that, I got a first grade contract with the Rabidos. So like, Al, mate, what a fucking. You've come, you've come in a bit shy of halfway through the season. Fucking rocketed up. We want you, man. And. And I was in. This is the dilemma though. I've got Italy, blah, blah. Like, mate, I don't know, if I was in your position I would go as well. I do respect that. But to honor your contract for 2012, you need to pass medical. I'm like, yeah, that's cool. I'll be sweet. I'm fucking strong. I'm fit, I'm ready. I always strap my shoulders anyway because I had a shoulder rico previous to that and it was strong, but I didn't have good mobility, which, you know, obviously showed. Got snapped out of place. Get back. Lose the medical, lose the contract. Sorry, Fail the medical, lose the contract. That's all she wrote. But it wasn't doing nothing. It wasn't going it alone and it wasn't door number three, just trying things. It was door number four. I fucking went all in, man. That's the door you want to walk through. I went all in on life. That included my training, that included my relationships and communicating with Crin. At the time, what I wanted to do, I wasn't perfect at that. I'm way fucking better now, but I'm better because I need to be, because I'm not communicating with Corinne anymore. I'm communicating with Karim when she's tired, looking after three kids with the kids fucking yelling, screaming. Like you can't think that you can maintain the communication you had with your wife when you were fucking teenagers. Loved up doing whatever you wanted with plenty of time in the world than where you are now when everyone's stressed up their eyeballs. There's all different stresses and pressures, and you think you'll get away with saying the same fucking words. You won't. But I went all in, man. And it was a phenomenal experience that I don't regret, because if I didn't pop my shoulder, if I didn't go away with Italy, even if I didn't go and play with the bunnies and do that, I might not have even been here. Who knows? I gotta tell you, man, like, Real dad movement and high performance Father, our amazing program that comes under that banner, like, it found me because I kept fucking turning up and going all in. The sticking point, which is the most frustrating. Before we wrap this up with the all indoor isn't necessarily door number one and door number two. Like, think about this for a second. Door number one, you do nothing. Like, I mean, really, like, are you surprised when your life falls apart and shit's all fucked up? Of course not. Like, it's. You can see the path. You don't need to be visionary or use your third eye or whatever it is. You don't need that, man. You can see this is. This is my life. I accept it. And it will get worse. But I'm gonna sugarcoat a little bit and go, it'll stay the same. No, it won't. It'll get much worse. But you'll think it'll stay the same because it'll sort of feel the same for a few years, and then it gets much worse. Going alone, like, you know, you always do what you've always done. You'll always get what you've always got. Is that the old saying, how it goes? I don't know. I'm not. I'm not into much of the cliches, and 500 year old quotes, there's some amazing wisdom there. But are the men and fathers on the inside? They rattle off some incredible quotes that are really inspiring to me. There was one from Rob Pellegridi, our last episode. I don't think I have it written down. No, because I'm in the office. I shot that one in the Home Office. That was a phenomenal quote. It was just incredible. It was about having control, but essentially, yeah, if you're going it alone, are you really surprised as well? You're doing the same things, man. Like you're doing the same thing again and again. Again. You think it won't change. Well, it'll slowly change for the worse. Door number three, it's probably the most frustrating one because there is a willingness, there is a desire. And I think a lot of you guys listening to this are probably door three. Some of you might think you're door four. You might be in little areas, little pockets maybe. But this is what I said earlier when I said you must be all in on the intricacies and the small little bits and pieces and then also zoom out and be all in on life. Otherwise you'll be like so many blokes that come on board, they got heaps of fucking money that they've earned at the cost of their family. And I'm not saying that's everyone, not saying everyone has to be fucking millionaires and billionaires to join us. What I'm saying is these guys, yes, they went all in, but it came at a chronic cost of something else. It's why you cannot floor our system and approach with the very first, the foundation principle being the circles of significance, family, self and service. You must have all three. I don't give a fuck who you are. If you don't have all three, you're not a high performance father. There are some great men. I'm not going to drop names or hack shit on anyone. There are some great men, sorry, there are some good men who've had great success in business, in other areas of life, some that are famous and it's come at the cost of either their health, so themselves or their family. Yeah, the kids didn't, you know, fall apart. Quite privileged and entitled, I guess. But what was the relationship life like? Did they really have a real father while he was off earning, earning his seven and eight figures every year? No. So when we're looking at this, you might think you're all in. But I need to be clear, man, our standard, our version of all in on life is all in on Family, self and service. That is what a high performance father is. You must have all three. It's not you should or you could. You must have all three. Hard balance doesn't exist. Life's a balancing act. So you can juggle. It's not a pendulum. Don't swing one way or the other. Don't get stuck. There's times when you're more biased towards others. There's times when you're not flows pretty well. There's times when you need to calculate and be smart. Like do I need to spend. Let's look at this. Six hours sleeping, six hours for myself, six hours for work, six hours for family. Of course not like I'll do hunting and handsome time with my wife two to three times a week. So if we're looking at 30 to 60 minutes at best, my wife, of course we're communicating and talking and spending time together and there's curiosity and playfulness and fun and shit stirring and teasing and all that shit's layered in there, you know, to stimulate and connect. But in terms of hunting handsome time, lucky to be three hours a week. Three hours a week. 180 minutes out of 7,000 minutes for the week. Same with work. Look, I don't, I don't do 80 to 100 hour weeks anymore. Used to, I don't need to. Like if I've got a team of nine other coaches and myself, let's go conservative and say we all do 40 hours. Nine times 40. I mean you've already figured it out, right? That's 360 hours. So we've got nearly four hours to a burnt out, broken down, broken down, falling apart because he can't keep it up anymore. Ow. It just makes sense to me. Of course that doesn't mean, of course that means that I'm not kicking back, you know, buying boats and fucking apartments in Bondi and all this. Yeah, not, not to be a smartest in that area, but yeah, of course I've cut away a lot of, a lot of the profit side of things. That's one number. I'm playing the long game, man. HPF's going to here for 150 years. It's going to be here longer than you and me. And that's amazing. And what a phenomenal legacy. One dissolved of ego because I'm not even going to fucking be here to see it. You know what I mean? Like this is, this is the long game you play. It doesn't have to be. You don't have to play my game. But I Look at this. I'm like, well, can I deliver a better. And the answer's hands down, been 100% yes from the day we started. Can I deliver a better service with a better team? Instead of me just trying to wear all the hats and have full control instead of building trust, developing systems, processes, and people. Of course, you know what the answer is. So when we're looking at all in, it really is all in, man. Like, you got to be ballsy sometimes. There's risks that you're taking with your family, with exposing your emotions, with having some breakdowns with the wife, but then having breakthroughs because there's a point to it. It's important. But door three is the frustrating one because you're trying things. So you're seeking, you're searching, but you feel lost. It could be fitness programs, it could be business coaches. They'll give you better systems and tools to make more money. Okay, but hang on, are they getting your time back? Maybe. Okay, cool, that's not bad. But what else are you doing with that time? What are you initially doing? What's the setup? Is it going to be six months of this grind? Okay, so what does that mean for your physical health and your family? If you didn't have that going through your head, would you be able to form better in business? Like, we do some business coaching stuff. Of course we do. But the guys flourish inside of their businesses and their work because we develop them from the inside out. Like, what is the head of the. Like what is the head of the family? If you. Or the head of the tree of business, it's you. It's always you. So if we can develop you at your capacity or with a capacity being higher, as the leader of your company or your work or your division or your branch or your team, of course they're going to win. Everything else will improve because you've improved like that. That's given to me. That's also not. When I've had. I've had business coaches have been fucking amazing. But this is the continual advancement evolution because of the stand we set in, that absolute tenacity for growth that I. And we have, all of us, including our members, that has led to this being a real pioneered movement that I'm just very fucking proud of it. But I'm not going to spend time jerking it off on this podcast and twisting the ears off it. I'm very proud of it. And next year is going to be even bigger. But it is frustrating because you're trying these things. Maybe psychologists, maybe counselors. Life coaching, you know, it's not that any of these are bad. I got one of my mates is an amazing life coach, Dave Lee. He's been on one of our episodes before and he's come on the inside, he's coming to cozy. He's fucking incredible. But the dude's 54 and in amazing shape and that a fuckload of shit. Like he, he didn't do a weekend or a month course. He's got crazy life experience and very respected and like by myself and those around him, support groups. Like anything you apply action to, yes, it's going to give you a response, it will give you something. So again, that's why psychologists aren't bad, counselors aren't bad. I've got friends in all fields. Are they with you 365 days of the year? Do they have any idea around physical health and wellbeing? Creating the right habits around physical health, well being, chemical health, hormonal health? Like of course they don't. They're stuck in their lane. They might be good at that, but it's for all walks of life, so they can't dive deep. I'm not saying it's specifically surface level, but with depth comes the width in how well we can serve you. But if you're trying things and you're stuck trying all sorts of different things, you could be trying things alone as well. Like, you know, when I say going alone, trying things doesn't necessarily mean it's with someone else. But you are trying things. You're not just doing the same thing alone or doing nothing. But door number three, you gotta ask these questions like are they actually listening to you if you're outsourcing some sort of service or support or help, or is it turning your life upside down to try and fit a square into a triangle? Because they may not understand you. Are they really invested in your life, your entire life? Or are you just a number with boxes to tick to ask specific clinical questions and that's it? Like how much are you actually getting support from the things that you're trying? And how much direction are you getting or the things you're trying? Just a one size fits all. It's like, oh yeah, people from all walks of life. I can't fucking stand that term, man. I used to say it. I used to say it. Not a lot. Didn't flog it. The all inclusive. It's like we get people reach out, hey, I'm not a dad, but this will really help you. I'm like fucking Earth. This Would help you. Like this shit will fucking help anyone if they apply themselves. But sorry, man, I'm not speaking your language. We're speaking the language for fathers. Of course there's universal truths that can carry over and apply. We get plenty of wives who, I'm not saying they eat the same food as our husbands, but yeah, the principles, the mindset, the awareness. Yeah, of course there's a ripple effect. It's why it's high performance, father. Because you're leading. You're showing others the possibilities through your own actions that they can then tailor and apply to themselves. But that doesn't mean I have a group of dads and daughters and sons, you know, and we do have grandfathers, but some of the older bulls, the older statesmen, but, you know, it's just for fathers. Are you really getting direct direction and support or is it a one size fits all right? Are these things that you're trying, is it adding more time and stress to your plate or is it taking it away? Like, yes, you need to invest time in us if you're on the inside with us, but what you're investing is a tenth of what you're getting back if I can save you 20 hours a week. But to get that 20 hours, you need to give me three hours a week. You fucking give me those three hours. Like, it makes sense. Like, why wouldn't you? I'm sorry, Al. I can't give you three hours of my time. Even though you'll give me 20 back, I don't want the extra 17. It's fucking crazy, man. But people don't think this way. Why? Because you know what? Our program at the core is completely delivered around the two most valuable resources in life. This is how much we've evolved. Time and energy. Let's get your time back. Let's get your energy back. Two most valuable and finite resources that you will ever fucking have in your life. And then what we do with that is bring connection and connect you to life. The rewards, the results, the fulfillment, the relationships, the legacy, all of that, like, that's what we do. If you're trying things and you're not getting that as a father entering in the second half, you're playing the wrong game, man. That's what happened to me in 2016. I got burnt. You're playing the wrong game. And try and keep up with teenagers and all that sort of shit. Fucking back squatting four times a week, doing German volume training. Like, don't tie into something because it's perceived to be youthful, that's not how you get your youth back. You use your wisdom and you leverage systems, processes and people to evolve and upgrade and level up yourself for the stage of life that you're at. Which means, yes, we have men in their 50s that would actually blow away a lot of teenagers from a fitness point of view. Why? Because it's dialed in for them trying things. Are the things you're trying with the people or the tools that you're using? Is it coming from a place of understanding and knowing what it's like? I guess this is an interesting one for me because I'm definitely not close minded. My three children are the greatest mentors I'll ever have. They're not fathers or mothers, are they? But essentially, like, I don't know man, like the stage you're at. Do you need a 42 year old female nutritionist to talk about macros, you know, or I don't know, like a 21 year old male, a 65 year old man who's never a father but he's had an amazing career and done X amount of university degree, like, I don't know, like it again, I'm painting pictures for you. It's not our way or the highway. It's our way is the way when you go all in. And I guess if one of these questions led to a bit of uncertainty that I've just sort of rattled off here, including I guess not even being a father, it's not discriminatory. But the other coaches and me, like, we're all fathers, all of us. Some of our coaches range in their 50s. They've got different skill sets, different professions, different certifications. Like it's, you know, it's not just Al kicking back. Here's some cool words, but they're all fathers. They know exactly what it's like going through the exact same thing. Which is why I love door 4. Going all in on life. These are the four doors that every man faces. And you know what, hate to break it to you man, but it's never a set and forget, you don't walk through the fourth door and go, I'm all in Al. Here I am. Fantastic, mate, welcome to the party. Cool. Let's hit this, this, this and this. And there's the next door. I'm sorry, what do you mean, mate? That next door is only three days away. Yes, that's right. Yep. Correct. You know, you don't come into some, you know, open to the door and you're in some sort of room and it's like, okay, life Set. It's a continual process, man. Life is a process. And I'm not going to sit here and say consistency is king because you can do poor things consistently. That'll fuck you up. But consistency is definitely a key ingredient to your recipe for going all in. It's no mucking around, no shortcuts. It's really developing and building who it is that you choose to be every day of your life. And if you win six days out of seven, fantastic. If you win three out of seven, mate, that's better than seven losses. Like it's every week we turn up, we go again, we go again, we go again. What are our tabs? So what are our targets? What are our actions? Who do I need to be? All right, what's my most important thing out of all this? Bang. Game on. I've got my physical high performance father journal. Awesome. Like it? You know, we love using that. I love using. That's very unique. There's nothing like that in the world. But whatever your system is, man, make sure it's something that steers you away from doing nothing. So it's built around actions, not just feelings. Taking lead and taking actions. It's also immersing yourself in things other than yourself. So you're not just going it alone. It's also something that connects and speaks your language. So it's not a little buffet of picking snacks and treats and bits and pieces and trying to construct it all and sticky tape it together. I've done that as well. That doesn't work. It's going all in. Going all in on life. Not always heavy handed, but the daily, the weekly, the monthly. We're about to wrap up 2021. Last two years. Two of the greatest years of my life, which has equally been met with hardship, frustration, pain, a lot of empathy and compassion. Heaps of fucking people broken. Anywhere from 60 to 100 men applying for our program every fucking week. Like it's. It's real, man. When I designed the decade of Dad's shirts at the back end of 2019, I meant it. This is a big fucking decade for us men. We must pull together. We must rise up. We're entering year three. We're about to enter year three of this decade of the decade of Dads. Why? Because the world needs fucking strong men and the strongest men are fathers. Why? Because of their skin in the game. Because of the different experience you can never have if you're not. I'm not castrating, picking on or bullying a man who isn't a father who never Chooses to be a father can be as symbolic as much as it is bloodbound, as much as leadership and fucking example and actions. But the reality is leaders lead, and they lead by going all in. And when they lead by going all in with example, with family, self and service, they become a father figure to fucking anyone and everyone around them, including the men on the inside. They are father figures to all of us and myself, just like I am to them in a figure of what a father can do, what is possible. Not I'm sitting on some throne pointing and saying, do this, do that. That's how you go all in. And that's why going all in is the answer. Does that mean that we are your answer for going all in? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe going all in for you is these podcasts and then getting a couple of different people in your life and pulling it together. And that works good on you, man. Like, that's so much fucking better than doing nothing. It's so much better than just going it alone. And it's probably an upgrade from just trying something or trying things in some sort of cycle of quick fixes or silver bullets or shiny objects, magical pills and potions and lotions. Like, that's great, that's fantastic. I guess the big thing for me is like, time is so temporary. I can't not push. I'm very aware it doesn't come at an addictive cost to my family. Whatever it takes, I'll work till 3am like, it doesn't come at those costs again. Come back to the principles, family, self and service. So I'm pushing to the limits where I can in a safe and effective way. Because I track my sleep. I've got my hormones covered by tracking my sleep, my blood work, my training regime, monitoring my heart rate Like, I'm doing all the right things so I can go hard, so I can go all in again and again and again. Because what is the alternative? Like, you might not have regret, but I can't sit back on my deathbed at 70, 80, 90 and go, I had a really great life. But you know what? I reckon I could have done a little bit better. That'd fucking kill me, man. Fuck, that'd kill me. That's why, I guess, you know, we don't have to be your answer, but our answer is a true and real all in, in all areas of life. Because there is no alternative. There is no other life. This is the life. This is your life. And this is the door that when you walk through, you build a habit to walk through. Again and again. And you know what? Fuck. This door's really hard, Al. I can't. No worries, man. We're with you. I'm going to twist the handle. We've got fucking. We've got Pete and Adam and Dave on the other side. They're going to pull the door. The jam's a bit stuck. Let's rip this fucker open. Bang that like that's. That's why I love tribe. That's why I love having good people around you. Like, you don't have to be on your own. I hope this serves you well. I hope you got some good value out of this. As we wrap up the year, I've got an amazing session planned for New Year's Eve. I'll roll it out very early. Be on the lookout for that one. But this is us. Sorry, when I say us, yes, of course I mean high performance, father. But this is us. As in this is us, men. Let's go all in. Let's not just go it alone. Let's not just do nothing. Let's not just sign up to the next fucking ten day challenge. Five day challenge, 14 day detox. Find something with depth and a level of energy. Sets a standard that you can feel it. You're like, oh, fuck, that's. That shit's legit. There's a lot of energy coming from that. Okay, I can feel that. Go there, go in that direction because then at least you'll know when you go all in. Of course you fail or you learn, you know, learnings, as one of our coaches puts. Of course it's not rainbows and smiles, but it is the reason why you eventually find that gold at the end of the rainbow. Because it's there. It really hit home with me. I've got a million different revelations from doing nothing over the last five days from my children. There was Stella doing a little drawing and there was rainbow and then there was this big yellow circle and she's, she's amazing with her drawing, but she's not a 45 year old artist obviously. But I could make out what it was and she's like looked at and it said there is gold at the end of the rainbow. And it's so crazy, isn't it? Like it just sounds so funny and silly and when I looked at that, I wasn't down or anything. I guess I miss my work because I've had like five days off, six days off and I enjoy what I do. I love what I do. These podcasts are therapeutic for me as well. And I was just a little bit flat. I didn't eat bad, but had bad sleep. I think it was that morning, that horrific sleep. And when I read that, I immediately connected that to what a fucking year you've had, Al. Like, it's been a big year, man. Don't. Don't focus on the feelings or feeling shit. Having a couple of hiccups, a couple of bad. Yeah, a couple of bad things that happened in December that were just stressful, like I said, with Lillian's ears and family health and. And, you know, don't, man. That gold's there. You're on the path. You're on the right track, you know? Isn't it crazy? Of course Stella didn't do it for that reason. She doesn't know what's going through my head in my life. But the fact she presented that, I was like, there is gold. I said, thank you, darling. That helps Daddy so much. That's such a beautiful. Can I. Can I keep this? She's like, yeah, it's for you, Dad. I made this one just for you. I was like, how? I was like, how did you know? Oh, shit. You gotta laugh, man. You gotta laugh some of those things. Well, it was like, I was like, how did you know? And I got it, put it up in my home office. And I'm like, fuck, yeah. And that. That goal isn't a monetary thing. That gold is symbolism for. For me. My life, Our life, what we can all have. Rich. Rich with value, right? Rich with prosperity. That only ever comes when you keep walking through that fourth door. First, second, third. Yeah. Everything yields an outcome. Fourth, when you walk through that fourth door, it is you. You are the warrior. And you're wielding that big fucking axe of outcomes because they are yours. You've earned them through blood, sweat, and tears. You kept turning up. You kept going all in. In life. And that is why you're a winner and you'll win in 2022. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top. Winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about. Thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.