17. Don't Hold Back

Foreign. To another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. I am your host, Al Big Al. Big Red as they called me when I was out on the dance floor in the CrossFit world wearing the big Red tights and standing about a foot and a half and 20 to 30 kilos heavier than everyone else I was competing against. I held my own though. I did okay. And it wasn't for a love of donuts. I was just naturally being a bigger and larger man. It was always going to be harder in the CrossFit arena. But the big thing that I wanted to touch on with today's episode is ultimately not holding back. And I guess while we're on the subject of that, when it comes to CrossFit and competing and whatnot, I never held back. And you know what? I didn't really get a huge amount of friends from the CrossFit Arena. There were cliques like everything. And coming from an elite rugby league background, there are a lot of B grade athletes who never had the different types of exposure or successes. Not that I would really count. Rugby league is a huge success for me. But getting, getting there was an amazing feat in itself that I'm proud of. But staying there ultimately wasn't to be through the injuries. What was left in a culture of many different areas of CrossFit. And look, I love my time that I spent with CrossFit was the culture that was there at times. I never let that sway me though, being very strong on my framework and internally and that's what I wanted to talk about on the episode today. There may be many times when you self sabotage. You talk yourself out of things. You feel down and out and ultimately you feel like there is no other way of I should just settle. It is what it is. Life's hard, Al. You know, I just don't have the energy I used to and it just becomes a state of feeling like the mouse in the spinning wheel and I don't have the energy and I don't know where to start. And look, I get it, mate. Trust me, I get it. And it's not about saying I get it. I've got 10 kids and I'm 70 years old. Some old wizard now. Passing wisdom. We're living this in real time. I've got a few kids of my own and none of them sleep. And it's pretty hard yacker doing that and running business and, and servicing and helping fathers all over the country as well as looking after my own health and well being as well as looking after my relationships with my wife. There is always something, mate. But I guess the big thing is really understanding the power of that self belief and not self sabotaging. It's almost like two sides of the same coin. A lot of the times people will drive another coin, drive their life out of a fear of failure or a love for greatness. Very rarely though, it's a love for greatness, it's out of fear of failure. And when you connect with the other side, you really start to see the other side of the other coin. I was talking about in self sabotaging. And it doesn't have to be that way because it wears you out when you're living a life of fear. And I'm not talking about fear. Here comes the boogeyman. Fear comes in really subtle ways. Like if you don't do anything out of a line of growth and expansion and challenging yourself to be more than, that's fear like you want to talk about. At a cellular level, your cells literally respond to the perceived environment that they're exposed to out of expansion or contraction. Fear or love, right? Isn't it funny? The common theme we see even at a cellular level, you're either growing or dying, expanding or contracting. The hard part is though, we get faced with many, many stories that we tell ourselves, the little version inside the bullshit that we feed ourselves. Because I've got Little Al and Big Al, don't worry about that. 60,000 plus thoughts a day with yourself. So you won't hold any conversation more with anyone else than you do with yourself. Make no mistake about that. And a lot of the times we pull back and we settle and we retract and we don't get after it. We don't get up and go, we don't have a crack. And I'm not talking about making millions of dollars or starting a business or going out on fucking tinder or some sort of shit to find the new misses if you've split up from your old one. What I'm talking about, mate, is the subtleties in your life in the saying, yes I can. The subtleties in life in going, why can't I? Because I'll never judge anyone. I can't judge you unless I've lived a day in your life. And I can't live a day in your life in your shoes, because that is literally impossible. I can have empathy. I'll move mountains for you if we're in alignment and we've got that loyalty and respect with each other. Make no mistake about that. The dads in RDM know full well What I stand for in my philosophy, which is when dads win, I win. And when dads win, everyone wins. And it's a case of looking inside yourself and going, well, what sort of mentality am I carrying myself with every single day? What sort of mindset am I having every single day? That's a funny word. Like, I'm not a big fan of it. It's fuck. It gets tossed around a lot. But it is that case of, you know, what are the parameters in which I'm creating an attitude? Because an attitude is a settled state of perspective around my life. And not just that, people, places and things, it changes. You enter different environments, preoccupied or not. You enter different circumstances within yourself and with yourself and others. And you have an attitude that isn't an attitude problem. It's something you've just set with good, bad and the ugly, and it's something you've accepted. Now, the beauty of what I do and the greatest gift I can give fathers through a level of awareness and listening and opening my ears, which is pretty rare in today's world, is actually trying to understand where the man's coming from but what he wants. Where are you now? Where are we going? That's all I can help you with. I can help you reflect over your life and what's happened, draw lessons and learnings from that. But also, the greatest path we have is the one that lays ahead. It's the one that you will walk. So when I talk about the next piece, please understand it's never from a place of judgment, mate. But also a place of looking inside of yourself and going, am I actually doing myself a service with merit, with value? Again, not a place of judgment, but also going, hey, am I fucking doing what I should be? What I can be? Come on. It may be judging your actions. Who knows, maybe observations of your actions. But here's how it works. You've got a losing mentality. Losers are like this. Losers think I can't do it. Losers think there is no other way. Losers think it's too hard. Losers think it's too much. I'm not saying you're a loser. What I'm saying is you're inhibiting and experiencing loser mentality, loser behavioral patterns, loser beliefs and belief systems that, well, we're all born into this world with a blank canvas. You have no right holding on of those you choose to have that. Never forget that you've got that free will. Never forget that. Please don't. So when we're looking at this inside of yourself in your life, we start to recognize that, well, maybe I'm adopting loser behaviors, but it's not actually me, Al. It's just a part of what I'm doing. And I get that, mate. The subconscious level. Yes. You've pre programmed yourself over many years, possibly decades of taking the lesser option or falling down or feeling defeated or beat up by society, by yourself, by your work, by your education, by relationships and mate, don't worry, we've all got stuff. Life is fucking hard. We've all got something going on. But the biggest and greatest gift that I can offer you here is looking, going on the other side of the coin. Well, what can I do? How can I do it? What is possible? Where is my answer? Like I'm literally here if I'm banging this table, go, where is my fucking answer? What can I do? And then taking ownership and responsibility over that to drive the actions, to find it, to find a way. I hope I'm not yelling through this. I just have a lot of passion. People tell me that I'm very passionate, something I've never really looked at because it just is who I am, it's what I choose to do and who I choose to be. It's how my life is carried out. People see it as passion because it's something obviously different to the normal. I get that, you know, I express a higher level of energy and frequency in life. Not that I'm saying I'm better than others, it's just what I choose to do and be. I didn't just flick a switch with that either, mate. It came through many, many years of choosing the optimistic light through all the adversities and trauma I faced to understand I should never hold back. Don't hold back on yourself, mate. There is a way, there is a possibility, there is a solution. And this isn't some big magical pitch to go that we're the fucking answer. And where your solution it can be. Our prereqs for RDM are very simple. You need three of them. You need to be good, genuine bloke, a team player and committed. Simple doesn't always mean easy though. And while I'm not saying you're not a genuine bloke or you're not a team player, you're not committed to. They are three very, very important things when it comes to the culture of RDM and what we stand for. This is a leadership and performance group in what we do, ultimately in helping fathers carve out their legacy so that the ripple effect is their family, their family's lives, their children. Their relationships, their grandchildren, their unborn great grandchildren and so on and so forth. Because you and me, we will die one day. You're listening to this right now. I could already be dead. Who knows? There could be a bus that hits me. I don't want to put that energy out there, and I never wish that on myself. But I've got a bit more time left where I want to put a bit more of a footprint on this world. But the reality is, too often we put up smoke screens and mirrors that hold us back in this illusionary state of going. I can't do it, Al. It's too hard. It's too much. I'm not enough. I don't know how. I've got no other way. There's no support. I understand that there are many different perspectives we can take and I get that. We get beaten down. Trust me. I get punched in the face every single day. Not literally. I'm quite a large man who doesn't want to tap into the aggression or rage that he hasn't had access to when he was younger. No one wins there. But what I'm saying is I cop beat downs every single day. We all do. It's how you see it for me. You know what? I don't even call them roadblocks anymore. These days. I call them speed humps. And sometimes I like to speed up over speed humps just to see what it feels like. Now, I'm not saying I charge like a bull out of a gate with everything. I'm not reactive in life. I'm responsive and creative in my approach to make sure that I'm exercising my free will, not letting some bloke trigger me. You know, like someone cuts you off and the traffic lights, right, and they jump in front of you, that's going to control and influence your emotions. To think one or two ways, ah, I don't care is what it is. Or it's going to trigger you to respond and react in a reactive way that ultimately they may not even know what they're doing. Yet you're letting someone else, who you might not even know have control and influence over your emotions. Have a think about that. Let that settle in for a minute, how powerful that is one way and the other. Always respect that, mate. Always respect yourself. When it comes from a line of the way you choose to see things, when life continually hits you with adversities and challenges, because it will. And it won't stop. It won't end. It is what it is. This is life. This is the push and pull the day and night. We can't exercise and flex our muscles of life and what we've achieved within ourselves and fulfillment on how we feel as well, not just the physical world if we don't have some level of gravity and resistance. So why hold back? Why pull back and resort this lesser version of you? I was crunching some numbers before and it's quite fascinating when you look at. It's all said and done and I love numbers, not that I'm a maths whiz, but it's all for perspective. And roughly, if you live to be 82 years of age, that's average level. And that's if we live to be that which isn't a bad run, that gives you 30,000 days on this planet. Break that down, that gives you 500,000 hours. If you take out sleep, 500,000 hours. Have a think about that. Now, if you're listening to this, you're well and truly the exact man and father that I'm looking to help and seek and search for improving their life one way or the other. With RDM on the inner circle or not, mate, you are either entering or already in the second half. Which means depending on your age, in 30s or 40s, some of you in your early 50s, you've only got like 150 to 250,000 hours left. Imagine that, 150,000 hours left and how many hours we waste sounds like a big number. Yet here we are, time just passing us by. It's sweet fuck all, isn't it? And this is my point, there's not enough time to wallow in your own self pity and think of the would ofs, should of's and could offs because it will just pass. Life comes and then goes. You have such an opportunity. None of the dads that I've worked with, if you're listening to this and you're not one of the dads inside rdm, none of them were different from you. They just had that little bit extra commitment. They knew they needed help, the support of the tribe and environment, something greater and larger than themselves to bring out the best in themselves. And they took action. The end. We built the belief, we build the commitment as we go. We raise the belief, we raise the standards, we raise the level of what they no longer choose to accept and what they do accept as a standard of being their new baseline, so to speak. What they cut off, what they tolerate, cut away that bullshit. All the moving parts that comes from you expanding in life. Guess what? It leaves you with the ultimate Outcome of no regrets. Holding back is one of the most damaging things you could ever do. And look RDM and what I've done for years now, decades in fact, it's something that I've felt, funnily enough, since I was a little boy. And yes, I wanted to be a professional athlete and do X, Y and Z. And yes, I've been running gyms and all that sort of stuff. But within myself and who I am, it was always this, this old soul feeling ancient in wanting to. I was always pretty mature as well. Have their moments like every teenager does, but looking and going. Life goes so fast and nothing will bring that right in front of your face smack bang other than, well, three things. Life and death. New life and death. But your children as well, and how they grow and how fast they grow. All of a sudden you've got no energy, packed on a bit of extra weight and you're struggling with the misses. All these things that people harp on and people market and try and get you to trigger you to do this and buy that. Fuck that. This is your life, man. It's what you're living. It's what you're living and breathing. That's why what I do, I communicate and I do exceptionally well. No one matches what I'm doing. No one can match what I do because it's easy for me, because it's just my truth. It's raw and real and transparent. I don't have to think about things. It's what I'm living and breathing with myself and the dads. And the greatest way that I got there, mate, I promise you, is by not holding back. You'll have heaps of fuck ups, you'll have heaps of punches to the face, a fair few hooks as well, but it's well worth the effort. Because you know what? Besides all the trauma and hardships and what I've gone through in my life, I have no regrets. I never have, I never will. There is no place for them in my heart. The end. And that is the truth. The moment we hold back is the moment we choose to focus out of a line of fear, consciously or not, on things that will hold us back and pull us into a state of no longer growing or seeking or expanding what could be and can be and will be if you only choose to look, please, no, I'm not here getting all philosophical on you, but it's the truth, mate, because guess what? Everything that you focus on comes at a cost. You know what the cost is? No longer focusing on something else. So as we wrap this up, ask yourself this question when you consistently hold yourself back in life or you find yourself defaulting, because that might be part of your automatic makeup now that we need to break, we need to break in, go through all the podcasts, go through everything that we have here, and understanding that, hey, what am I focusing on right now in my life that's taking my focus away from something else that can be greater, can be more, can push me into a better position, whether it's physically, financially, spiritually, connectedness with your Mrs. With your relationship with your kids that I'm missing out on as life is passing me by. Because when you ask questions, mate, naturally, as humans, and how we've been conditioned to be raised and grow up, you'll want an answer. You'll seek an answer. I can rattle off a million motivational quotes. I've got dozens of my own, which are very powerful in themselves, but they're just statements. Statements are great. Statements can bring about a ponderance of thought, and that thought may bring around a level of action. Maybe not. But I'll tell you right now, it almost certainly should. Because action is the only way that you'll build a higher level of certainty and competence. Because certain about what you've done and whether it's worked or whether it hasn't. And you know that what you've done has moved you forward regardless of the outcome. Because guess what, mate, you're not holding back anymore. It's the lack of action, it's the lack of will or desire that ultimately puts you in a position where you will continue to default and pull back. The greatest thing we can do. Never give up, used to be my favorite saying, because of the amount of trauma and shit I went through as a young fat boy and then as an elite athlete with nine operations tearing my body in half, my favorite thing is really looking. And it's not about never giving up. It's about never settling. And that is where we'll leave this. Where you focus your efforts and your energy in pulling back to the lesser version of you or rising up to the greater version of you will ultimately become your reality and never give up. That's great, but the key for me is never stop asking questions and ask questions from which you will seek the answers to go, why can't I do this? How can I do it? Where can I be resourceful enough to find the solutions? How can I get around this? Do I need a ladder to climb over this wall? Do I need a bigger head of steam to fucking punch A big hole through it. Do I need to just look left and right? Shit. This wall is only 10 meters wide. I can just walk around it. You'd be very surprised, mate, at the gifts and the lessons that life presents with opportunities to look at where you are and look at where you can go. The key here is not holding back, because what's the alternative? It's one filled with regret and pain and suffering that ultimately you're passing down, wherever or not, to your unborn grandchildren. I hope you enjoyed this episode, mate. Make sure you check us out on all of our different podcast channels as well as our YouTube channels, and everywhere. You'll find me everywhere else. Website realdaymoomot.com, we're everywhere. But know that this is the change that the world needs. Fathers looking inside themselves and not holding back anymore. Because you can do it, mate. If I believe in you, like, how's that a stranger potentially raise that belief in yourself from a stranger knowing, hey, you know what? Even if I never even meet you, mate, you can fucking do it. And I'm not here to stand up here, you know, with my fucking Rolex going, hey, I did this. You can do this as well. No, no, no. This is talking about life and living your life on your terms. The life that you want, not mine. Going about my life. You focus on life that you want to live and get out there and get after it, mate. And don't hold back. Don't ever hold back anymore because you have that power. You can do it, and it is possible. Take care, hope you enjoy this, and I'll see you on another episode of Real Dad Movement podcast. Cheers.