172. Mastering Work Life Balance

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Foreign so here we are, one of the core, one of the key episodes that I'm sure subconsciously or actively aware you have all been waiting for. Yes, it's layered in. Yes, the other episodes are critically important. Like with your relationships, man, you know, myth busting, busting the myths that are busting up your marriage because you're turning some bullshit myths into reality and you don't need to. None of this is fault judgment. It's perception, observation of actions, of patterns, repeated cycles. Many men, not just you, myself included. Yes, you know, understanding the value of self worth. The judge and the victim, the viking and the panda, like all the episodes have nuggets of golden value, but work life balance, the one, the one that, like I said, is always layered through priorities and focus. I say priorities as a plural, not because there's more than one priority, but because there's three areas of your life that need one. So that's your most important thing in family priority, most important thing in self priority, most important thing in service priority. Three priorities, but in their own segments or sections, in their own circles. Yes, they are the ones. A work life balance, man. Like fucking hell. What a term. What a what trickery, what deceit, what evil. You know, as I'm about to cough up a lung because I'm allergic to bullshit. I'm reading here, sitting here reading, looking at. I've got my screen up, the definition of balance. I'm like, who the fuck ever said that we wanted or we're going to or should expect to or should strive for balance in life? What does that even mean? To you. I've spoken about this. Like, think about this as well. Like when I'm opening up like this, I'm opening up skewed or bias in a bias way towards the extremities of cutting that word to pieces because of the waiting and the social conditioning, the social construct, your conditioning, what you've read, what you've been led to believe. I have to go so far right, man, to bring back to center because of how far left balance has destroyed your life in your misconceptions, misperceptions, ultimately your perceptions. I mean, don't know if a misperception is a real thing, but your perception is your perception. But man, I have to do this because it's bringing the needle back. It's going, no, no, let's get back to center here. We need to have an equal and opposite weighting in the other direction to counter what has led too many men to become fools in their own life because they're striving for something that A doesn't exist, but B exists in a construct of their own mind and head of what they've been told or fed to believe. Fuck me dead, mate. Like you, you're selling me. You should six, you should sleep for six hours, spend time with yourself for six hours, spend time with your family for six hours and work for six hours. Like, is that, is that what balance means to you? Like, let's think about this. Most important things are at your work. Obviously we have to sleep. You can never not sleep through your life. So some level of sleep, some level of self, you know, grooming, maintenance, food, exercise, fucking, all of the above and then that which you care about, you're in a circle. Family, friends. Come on, mate, like, even if you had that, tell me, even if you had that, would you be happy? Maybe. I don't know, like, I'm literally working through this. Not that these sessions are ad lib, but yeah, a lot of the times I'm processing just like you are. And we're working through this together. All right, six hours sleep. No, I know some people reckon they can get on six hours sleep. That doesn't work that way. Sometimes I'm in bed for ten hours just to get seven and a half right. I still haven't hit eight hours of sleep. I feel amazing though. I can't wait till I start getting eight hours of sleep. Fucking world. Look out, man. If I can create and we can create and do what we've done. Not just me. With HPF and our journey now, movement off four and a Half to six hours sleep for the last four years, five years. Imagine when we get some sleep. So look, sleep, six hours. No, that wouldn't work. All right, doing yourself for six hours. Yeah, maybe. I mean, this is the hard part. People just throw shit up in the air and it's like, well, what does that mean? Because one of our principles, the pattern of performance, starts with systems. What's the order of things? Like, what are you going to do? You're going to split up your days? Or I'll spend an hour on me, then an hour on family, then an hour on work, then an hour on family, then an hour back on me. Doesn't work that way, mate. Okay, so what, you're going to have six hours, see your family. I'm off. I'll see you in six hours time. All of a sudden, this is it. It's just me and my family for six hours. I don't need nothing else can, can come in the way. Like I get where there can be periods of that. But hang on, balance. Show me someone who's done that, the old 4x6 for 82 years and I'll show you a fucking liar. But let's just strip the onion layer back. This is my point, why I'm going hard and hard on this. Work life balance. You can definitely have work life balance. You can't have balance in like. Balance to what you think it is in life doesn't exist. It's. It's a non event. It's irrelevant. Because here's when we pull the onion layer back, I'm going to open you up to even more to help you understand and get out of your own way. Work, life, balance. Of course. What does that look like? What does the word balance even mean to you? Why does it mean that? Why should it mean that? Because whilst balance doesn't exist in life, nor should you want it. Here's the thing, I'm going to sell you on this. This is why you don't want balance. I'll tell you in a second. Whilst balance doesn't exist, nor should it in life, the irony is life is a balancing act. But balancing is an interesting point. Balancing is different to balance or balanced. Balancing is an attempt, an awareness, a pursuit to bring back to center, to come back to center, to come back to alignment. So visually, metaphorically, emotionally, spiritually, through your actions, of course, your habits. Yeah, balancing acts are important because maybe you are going too far one way and you will fall off. Gymnastics this morning, my daughters, sorry, Lillian and Roman, my daughter and son, Stella, Stella jumped in, but she wasn't meant for the class. She's. She's obviously upgraded. Balancing act. So they're not balanced. The only time you're balanced. Here's my point. Peeling the onion layer back. The only time you're balanced with a D is when you're stationary, when you've stopped, when you're doing nothing. Balancing act, yes. Balancing, yes. Seeking some balance? Yes. Balanced, no. Got a balanced life. What the fuck does that even mean? What, your life's just stopped? Everything set. You know that's impossible. Everything keeps moving. The world keeps moving. We all keep moving. And this is my point. Watching the kids, watching them do their gymnastics, they're on the bars, they're on the beams of dawn. They're watching, they're balancing and it's staying still, whether it's on the horse or anything else. If Roman is not taking steps, he's not moving forward. If Lillian is not taking steps, she's not moving forward. Awesome. You're balanced. Now what? You're just going to stand at the start of the beam and hold up everyone else behind you, waiting to go? Balancing, yes. Peel the onion layer back. This is why A. It doesn't exist, but you don't want it. But it is a balancing act. Life is a balancing act, which I like to bring to a different visual of a juggling act. More moving parts. You must be grounded in your feet, your eyes, your hands, everything. Awareness. A juggling act, there's obviously elements of balance to that, but Juggling act, three balls. Family, self service. This is why. Onion layer back. I've sort of given it away in that description. I just said then with Roman and Lillian. But here's the definition of balance. An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. Let me ask you a question. Best runners in the world, are they fucking vertical or do they have a lean? And they're moving forward. They're leaning into what's to come. They're leaning into what they're currently facing. They're moving in the direction they're leaning into. I'll say it again. The definition of balance. This is why you don't want it. An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. A situation in which different elements are equal or incorrect proportions. Is that necessary? Do I need six hours to myself every day? No, of course not. Shit, man. I do my morning, my night routines, my food, my training, read books, create space, get out with nature. Like, that's. That's four, tops. I don't need any more. I mean, I guess I could lay in the sun for a couple more hours, get some more vitamin D. I can get some more vitamin D and lay in the sun, but what, what for? I could have already incorporated that into my training, to my walk into creating space. Yes, of course, that can come in a surge of holidays. You spend 52 weeks of the year tying your rope up in knots. Now let's spend two weeks trying to untie them all. Like, fuck me, that's not going to work. Welcome back to reality. Here we are, January 11th, then it'll be January 20th. Yeah, you're back at work, back in the grind, back in the hustle, bustle, back in the shit. It doesn't work that way, but it also doesn't work the other way. And going, yes, I'm gonna have an equal distribution. Cause it's not necessary. I would much rather, man, eight hours of sleep, not eight hours in bed. I need 10 hours in bed for eight hours of sleep. Eight hours of sleep. I would much rather gift two hours to my sleep so I've got more impact and effort with four hours for myself instead of six. Absolutely. Hands down. And I don't even need that every day. Like my morning, night routines, training, looking after my body, my health, it's two and a half hours max. I was being generous in painting the picture that even then, in a gluttonous way, with all that time, I still don't need six hours to myself. So a situation in which different elements are equal or incorrect proportions, an even distribution of weight, enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. An apparatus for weighing, especially one with a central pivot beam and two scales. Yeah, getting somewhere. Two scales. I get that. You can balance them up. Life work, we're going to dive into time and two triangles in this powerful session. You will get a lot out of this. You will get a lot out of this time. Absolutely. But the two triangles. Triangles. Time and triangles. I'm not going to call it that. I think it should be called work, life, balance. That's definitely going to be a greater hook for you to go, what's he talking about? That doesn't exist. But I want it. It's. That's right. That's why we're here. The fantasy. This is the point, man. Remain upright and steady. You create stability in your life. You would know if you've listened to enough episodes. That's powerful, man. That's what you want. Not security, stability. You create stability in your life through actions, not just telling Otherwise you become a fucking liar. No one's going to believe you if you just keep telling and talking. Sooner or later, you look at a lot of those old stories. I look back, I'm like, man, that boy who cried wolf, that's a brutal story. Like, there's a slaughter, man. Sheep get fucked up. There's a lot of power to some of those. I don't know if it's a parable. Is that a. That the boy cried wolf? I don't know. I'm not sure apologies there. I can't remember whether it's a holy story or not. But yeah, man, like any story, any children's books, any of that sort of stuff. I'm not talking about, you know, just looking and going, oh, well, there's. There's. There's this Peppa Pig. I'm talking about some books with solid meaning in them, man. Solid morals that really. And that is layered into some cartoons. But it's not the same. You know that it's not the same as some of the old, old books. And there's a lot of value there and even distribution or weight enabling some action. Action. Don't just speak words. You're a fucking liar. Because they're just words. I mean nothing until you show me. Until you line them up like you're literally correlating your internal reality with the external reality with no runs on the board. What does that even mean? Okay, well, let's have a passage of time. That's why time's going to be an important part here. Have you still done it? Have you done what you said you would do? Have you followed through? This is why it's so funny. It's crazy, man, when fellas come on the inside with HPF and they actually. Because we encourage them to show their wives what we do, and their wives are fucking blown away. They're like, oh, shit, man. They almost already believe not in the man because he hasn't shown the runs on the board, but that's why he's here. But they believe in his action to commit to us. And then they're looking at the outfit of what we do and how we operate, and they're blown away. I can't tell you enough how much that's actually turned the tides for a lot of marriages, even before we get to work. But this is the point. If you want to stay balanced, you're not going anywhere. You're standing still, man. Okay, cool. You've shored up an area where you're upright and steady. That's not the same as stability. Because we looked up the definition of stability, which I'd love to do, and I should. I don't like the sound of the keyboard while I'm talking, but let's do it anyway. Stability. Let's look this up. Stability only exists when there's an unstable platform or something. The state of being stable, right? So when we're looking at stability, the definition is essentially like day and night, right? Like stability can't exist if there's unstable surfaces, if there's unstable pressures. Family, self, service, your work. You create stability in the face of unstable risks. Triggers, temptations, distractions, interruptions, adversities. That's why stability is powerful. That's why it's fucking way more powerful than being steady and upright, staying still. Or security. Security is a perception with things you don't control, you don't completely control. You think you got security, you don't completely control that. Whether it's your house, investments, your job, your career, you don't completely control that at all. Stability, man. Stability is a recognition of what you've done. Action in the face of very powerful. But what is stability? It is action, it's movement. You don't want to be upright, you don't want balanced. You don't want a balanced life. That doesn't exist, nor should it. The reality is it's going to be way fucking easier to make a lot of money. When I don't have my children so young. I'm playing the long game. It's not about the money for me. It's about what's important for the stage of my journey. It's why I've got a phenomenal team. It's not just the one man band. I'm not a solopreneur because it's worth it to me. This message is powerful. This is the long game. But all my kids have moved out and between 50 and 70, I've got to have a fuckload more time back. So all of these moving parts that comes to your life come in stages and phases of your life, of your journey. It really does. It doesn't mean you just eat shit and you're poor for 20 years, then you get rich again. My point is, in contrast, balance doesn't exist. It doesn't make sense. Balanced is not organic. It's not a rhythm and cycle like you and me as human beings in this world. Rhythms and cycles. Rhythms and cycles. Time, the clock. It's a creation. We created it. It's a tool, it's a unit of measurement for passing organic Rhythms and cycles, AKA the sun and the moon. I mean, that's just a fucking given. What do you mean? Now look at the clocks on the wall. Look at the Big Ben. Of course time exists. The fuck are you talking about, mate? Someone put that there. What about the sundials? Yes, they leverage the sun's position. So the old Mohicans and the. Well, when we went, we went to the Chichen Itza in Mexico. Like the natives. Yeah, of course. Actually, their stuff's. Mate, that's fucking crazy. Some of their building designs, man. Like when we went to the Chichen Itza, at a certain time of the day, the sun lights up a shadow. So when I say lights up, it lights up the stairs and everything around. But the way it's constructed, there's a shadow which shows this massive snake's tail from the top, all the way down into a mouth at the bottom. That was fucking freaky, man. On all four corners. Because there's four sets of stairs that goes up. That's in Mexico. Again, sundials. Thousands of years, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands. I can take your pick of a timeline. Doesn't matter. Those who are not, you know, in the world of electronics or mobile phones with digital clocks like we are today, they had time. They created it off the back of pure organic. The sun, Rhythm and cycle, sun and the moon. So when we're looking at balanced, it's not the game. You need to change your viewpoint, your perspective, change your lens, man. That's why I'm here. Work life balance. This is how you'll get work life balance. Firstly, changing the definition of what balance means to you. Secondly, understanding that balance in an isolated term or format holds no weighting in your life. You're standing still, you're propped up, right? And steady. Okay, what next? Don't move. Don't move. And some of you might argue that. Yeah, but I am balanced out. You know, like I work not until five. My, my, my work hours are consistent, they're steady. We've got the same routine with the family, all that sort of stuff. That's cool, man. Like, I get that. Totally do totally understand. You've created a routine, a ritual. You've created habits and structure. That's awesome. That should equal freedom. But the problem is one that's very rare too. That generally will only exist if you've settled, if you're not striving, if you're not pushing, if you're not expanding again. It's why I said generally. You could be a father in his 50s. In the position I mentioned earlier, your kids have moved out, you do have more time, you can create more balance. But this is the hard point, man. You might be a 45 year old father listening to this going, yeah, well, I want balance, Al, but unfortunately, last 15 years I sort of fucked myself in the ass a little bit. So I haven't really created the leverage to have that. Just like the 55 year old, your kids have moved out, but you didn't spend any time with them, did you? So you're still chasing balance. This is the hard part. No one teaches this to a 6 year old and says you're going to be set for life. You enter the adult world, education, relationships, marriage, children, business, work, and you're thrown a fuck cluster of events and adversities that really, that really does you in. And then you spend your time chasing your tail trying to find, define or create balance. This is why it's a bit of a myth for me. Oh, that's, that's a bit depressing, Al. I'll be listening to this episode. What next then? The work life balance doesn't exist. No, it does. Work life balance, the juggling act. You can create, you can create a balancing act inside of your life to make sure you focus and prioritize what the most important thing is at the time. And the time could be big, you could be building your business. But are you communicating that with your wife? This is why time's important. We're going to dive into it. Are you creating deadlines? They're powerful things. Like if you're four months into something that in your head you think is going to happen for nine months, but you haven't communicated to your wife. All your wife's seen in a passage of time and history is four months of being in the pit, in the shit and just fucking grinding and everyone's suffering. Where's the motivation? Where's the enthusiasm? I don't see any communication. Relationships are a skill set. They are a skill set. Your relationships, your marriage is a skill set. Leading and influencing your wife to flourish and cut her own bullshit by being there to support her and lead her where she needs to be led and vice versa is a skill set. Work, life, balance, the balancing act, the juggling act is a skill set. It's why I like the juggling act. You've got the three balls and they're, they're glass and the glass is a ball. That's the core of you, man. Like it's your heart. Like that is that glass ball. That's Everything that's got rock around it, that's got stone around it as another ball. And then that's got, let's say, 100 rubber bands that are bound or wrapped around them, you're juggling. You can juggle all three with the awareness knowing that if I drop the ball of family, got a hundred rubber bands, it can bounce back up, pop one, springs off, you got 99, man, I'm solid. 99's a big number. Got a long way to go. The problem is, most of you turn your fucking back on that ball and the ball keeps bouncing behind you. And you're just juggling two hands, two balls. But usually the one behind you is the ball of self, not family. You're juggling family, juggling service, family service, family service. And the ball of self's behind you. You've forgotten about yourself. It just keeps bouncing. 83, 82, 81, 80. And as it gets less, less rubber bands, bounces. All of a sudden you don't need to be down to rubber band 7, 6 or 4. Once you get past that 50 mark, man, it's all downhill. It's like fucking bang, bang, bang. There's 10, there's 10, there's 10. Final 20. Like, this is a powerful thing for you. I'm visualizing this. I hope you are as well. You might be concentrating on something else. Fuck that off. This is important. Listen, if you're driving, keep your eyes open. But this is true. This is how I visualize the balancing act. You're balancing your sensory awareness. This is modern day intelligence. You're balancing your social and self awareness to juggle the three balls I can drop. Family, bang. All right, I've got it back in my hands. And it's almost like magically as you juggle the rubber bands, they build back on. Okay, let's get him back up. 74, juggling. 75, 76, strangely enough. Well, of course, with the right environment and the right systems and tools in place, the rubber bands can go back on quicker. But yeah, if you're doing it, if you're doing it on your own, it takes longer. I've done that, We've all done that. But it's possible. When that rubber band goes, man, you're left with stone and rock. That shit gets heavy. It doesn't bounce back up. So you gotta bend over to pick it up. You gotta bend down, you gotta squat, gotta pick this fucker up. It doesn't feel as springy as the rubber band. Just a heavy cold rock. You drop that a few times Bang. Now you've got glass. Like, holy shit. I've got this shiny glass ball. This is the heart and core of this area of my life. Family, self or service. And it's. It's slippery. It's lubricated. I better make sure I pay special attention here because if I drop this, I'm fucked. It breaks. You've only got one shot at that. This is the balancing act. Don't worry about. Don't worry about balance. Because if you're doing this and you've dropped some balls and you need to bring the needle back, it's like a zigzag. You can't just go, I'm just going to keep even. Well, hang on a minute. This one needs more work. Mainly you. You've dropped the ball on self for so long. Now you need to bring the needle back. Does that mean all the fathers on the inside of our program just neglect their family and work and just come work with us 24 hours? Of course not. That's why we're fucking amazing what we do. Habits, priorities. The priority in each section. Relevance. What do you personally need? What's your game plan look like? That's different for every father. Actions. Outcomes of the actions. Scoring systems. You can do five things and they'll all work. What's the response? What's the return on investment? What are you yielding in return for your efforts? Because maybe number three, four, and five wasn't necessary. Number two was today and number one was next week. Work, life, balance. Two things. I'm not saying you should leave your job tomorrow. Let's. Let's start with this. The triangles. And then we'll dive into time and wrap this up. The two triangles. You know, I remember someone saying once when I was younger, I was pursuing elite sport and still doing PT programs. I had a couple of programs for dads, but it was nothing like this. Not even close. And it was in person many years ago. And remember someone saying in your. In your work. I don't believe in the whole, you know, love what you're doing. You'll never work a day in your life. I work fucking hard, man. I work so fucking hard and I love it. Like, you need both. Don't. Don't tell me you're not. I know people say that in jest, as a reflection of how much they enjoy their career or their business, but, hey, can I have both? Like the little Mexican girl with the taco ad. Why not have both? Yes. I work fucking hard and I fucking love what I do. The end. So it Wasn't fluffy like that. It was. When you're doing this man said this, I can't even remember who it was. He said, when you're pursuing something in your career, your business, your life, that's going to take a lot of time from you, from your family, energy from you, from your family that you could have given. You need three main things, three main questions to ask. One, does it provide value? So will it in some way shape or form change the world? Because it can. Like a dog shampoo mobile for pets, driving around and shampoo. Like, yes, you can have impact. Impact doesn't need to be some big fucking hero standing on stage yelling, is it providing value to the world? Do you love and enjoy? Will you love and enjoy it? Like, it's almost like asking yourself, the question now, is what you're currently doing adding value to the world? Do you love and enjoy it? Is it something that can be monetized? Like, we're living on a planet where money is a resource. It's a tool. It's a tool for leverage. Money comes and goes, comes and goes. But what are you leveraging with that cash flow? Because it flows. It's a flowing thing. You're not, you're not going to sit and just go, I want $50 million in the bank one day and I die and maybe my kids can have it. You need to live your life and experience and build the flow of the resource on this planet under the constructs of our social order, which money plays an important role. Yeah, well, look, Al, what I do with my work, it adds value. I think I can add more value, though. Personally, yes, I get paid for it, but I don't enjoy it. That's where everyone falls down, man. They don't love or enjoy it. I get that. That doesn't mean you should leave tomorrow. But people settle. They settle for a little V, not a big V. The value isn't as high as it is, but it adds some. And they settle for the monetization. If you want to pursue something. But this is where I was at before I dived into the gyms. If you want to pursue something, does it add value? Will it add value to the world? Is it? Or will it be something you love and enjoy? How do you know? Have you tried it? That's why I say I feel like after 18 years of professional sport, turning my body around multiple different careers, businesses, I feel home. I feel home. After probably hundreds of failures, we all have them in different ways, but I just kept turning up, just kept turning up. Man. And trying, trying, tweaking, changing, adjusting. Does it add value? Do you love it? Can you monetize it? That's work. The other triangle is family. Work, life, work, family. I'll ask you as a present and then for future. So like I said before, the work you're currently doing, is it a big V or little V in terms of value? Is it a beagle or a little L? Do you love or do you like it? Can you monetize it? Is it monetized? Are you earning money? Are you earning life? Building that financial stability? Hard part is, some of you guys would be like, little V, big V. Some would be like, there's no V, no value, man. I don't see any value. I'm not aligned with this anymore. Well, you're in the wrong place because that means you've just turned the M into a ginormous M. There's no value. You don't see any value. Remember, values, perceivable, it's perceived. He adding perceived value, which is real value. On that, on the other end of the service, the product, the exchanging of value in time and energy, which then equals a monetary investment. So if you're like, well, no, there is no value. Al, I can see value for someone else, but I don't value this job anymore. I don't value what I'm doing here now. I want to do something different. Same with the love and like, is it a big L, little L? There is none L. It's a tiny L. It's loathe. I don't love or like it. I loathe it. Let's dive into family. Same thing. VLM is what you're currently doing, adding a big V or a little V or no V to your family. Are you adding value to your family? And guess what? You're part of your family. So are you adding value to your family in your own life? Do you love what you're doing with and for yourself? Do you love what you're doing with your family and how the household operates? Are you adding value? Yes, I am, but I don't fucking love it, man. It's coming at a big cost. I'm adding value to my kids and my wife, but not to myself. I'm burning out. This is where it's important. They're different things. You can add value and fucking hate what you're doing. That adds value to the family. This is why work life, balance is interwoven. It's intertwined, it's connected. It's the juggling act. And who's juggling it? You. That's why it always comes back to you. Not fault or blame. Ownership, responsibility. You're adding value to your family. Do you love the value you're adding? Do you love the household? Do you love the experiences and what's happening? And M is memories. Not. Not monetized. Are you monetizing off your children in the sweatshops? So work. You're adding value. Do you love what you do? Can you monetize it? Are you monetizing it to provide sustainable life for yourself and your family in this lifetime? Family. Are you adding value? Do you love what you do with your family? And what are those memories that you're creating? Because loving what you do is different to loving what you do again and again and again and again, which means it's what you've done, which means it's just a memory, a distant memory of multitude of experiences, which means they're sort of the same when you. When you bring not the same, but when you bring them together, it equals the same thing. It's the. It's like a formula. I mean, I'm building on this too. Value times love probably equals the size of the M for memories. Triangles, man, you gotta line that shit up. So let's look at future pacing. Let's front load this so you can do it now. What do you need to do to add value to yourself and your family's life? What do you need to do that will add value to yourself and your family's life that you will at least start liking and then loving the journey of. Because you have to. It's really hard out. I've got to change habits, I've got to change my career. I've got to give up the drink, I've got to stop smoking cigarettes. I've got to start training, I've got to eat healthy, I've got to meal prep. Of course you're not going to fucking like that. Who likes anything that they can't do well like who likes anything that they can't perform well at to start with? This is where you need to get the reps on the board, man. You need to change that state of mind, change that frame of mind, turn that shit around so you fucking love it because you love the grind, you love the outcome that will become the inevitability of you turning up and just beating life down, saying, I am here. I'm at the door. Fuck, mate, let me in. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. You open up. You will open up. Not today. You will open up. Not today. You will open up. I'm fucking telling you, you will lay down, I will beat you down and beat the door down, life being the adversities and hardships and resistance you face. And I will walk through the door on my terms. Might not be today, might not be four days time, might not be 14 days time. It will happen, it will happen when it happens. But I'm going to control and influence that as much as I can. And you keep turning up. What value do you want to add to your family and yourself, man? How can you turn around the actions and habits and the shit that you need to sort out so that you can love the process? Like, I'm going to look back one day and it certainly never stops. The problems never change. The problems never go away. They just change and they get bigger. I got bigger problems than when I started rdm. Bigger in magnitude, bigger in waiting. They never go away, they just change. But I know I'm going to look back one day and I'm just going to laugh and be like, fuck. Remember man, when I fucking lost my home and I was nearly homeless and then I moved into a shack and I was getting electrocuted by the shower every day? What a rush. What a ride like that shit's not pleasant right now. Of course it isn't. I mean that story is because that was a long time ago. But the point is the stuff that's unpleasant right now that you need to move through to create change. Yeah, of course. Initially how we're programmed, the way the mind works, it's not pleasant in the moment and the body doesn't want to do it. It's like the fight or flight. And when you have that, whether it's a lion or a tiger chasing in the jungle, you narrow in your options and possibilities. Whereas if you start to develop and build positive emotion and outlooks and back that up with action, which means you're optimistic. Because optimism for me is a recognition of action. Optimism is a confidence of a great outcome in the future. Confidence is built off our four Cs. Courage, commitment, competence, and then confidence. Which means no man should have fucking confidence unless he's taking action. Which means if you think you're a confident man, you're a fucking liar. If you're a confident man who takes no action, that's bullshit. It's not confidence. Don't take that word. Piss that off. That's why I don't like when I've heard some of the bigwigs talk about delusional optimism. What the fuck do you even mean, mate? You're either optimistic, which means you're taking action to build confidence and you're going to change the future, or you're not. So pick a different word. Don't. Like, sort your shit out. I had no comprehension in school. I learned, I learned how to understand what a word actually means. Do you? And that's a frustrating thing for me, man, with some of these life coaches and whatnot. It is, it's like, mate, you're using the wrong words. Sort your shit out. Triangles. Triangles. You will learn to love what you might only like or not quite enjoy at work. If you dominate, you will almost. That's what I mean. I'm not saying you have to quit your job and do something tomorrow. I really love pets. Okay, you're gonna go and become a veterinarian. Like, doesn't work that way. Two of my brothers were perfect examples when they did their PT course. Personal trainers, they love training in the gym and looking at themselves in the mirror. That doesn't mean you're going to be able to serve people. You're a personal trainer, you're handling everyone else's shit. You're listening to them, you're counseling them, basically, like you're listening to their problems. You're building their body, not your own. Like it's completely different. You love training and love having a good body and being fit and healthy for your own life. That is completely different to serving someone else to have that in theirs. They obviously figured that out. Learning to love the process and getting good at doesn't mean that you have to change your career and what you do right away. But you need to make sure you're measuring what you're doing and consistently reviewing and reflecting on that, how that makes you feel and the outcome. Can I, what kind of value am I adding, man? Can I add more? Like, I'm so blessed that I don't have the gyms anymore. I can't imagine. I feel, I feel dirty, I feel filthy. And this isn't against other people. This is my personal, this is my personal, this is my right to have on me and what I want to do in my life. I'm not hacking shit on anyone who owns a gym, but it'd be nothing right now with the current version of who I am. Maybe I'll say the same thing in 10 years time, but there will be nothing more disappointing than if I was in my 50s, still running gyms, going, yeah, yeah, this is the best. This was the top. And I'D settled for like fucking 20 years. I don't know what that would be, that stage. I started gyms in my early 20s. Man, I'm so blessed. It's something. More often than not, it's actually pain. Pain and being in the pit and having to start searching for answers without being in flight or fight. Like, it's actually sitting back reflecting where is my life going? Bringing control back. Which is why we're going to dive into time in a second and wrap this up. I feel so blessed because I look back now, I'm like, yeah, I added value to people's lives. It's a baby V now compared to this V. Like, it really is. Doesn't mean I didn't change lives. Doesn't mean I didn't help people and other fathers in various programs, in the gym, out the gym, some of our old school online methods, you know, like, it wasn't the value for me, though. I knew I could give more and I loved it. And I was monetized like I was running a business. It was fair, as it always is. You're giving time and energy and value in exchange. But I'm so glad that I looked at that. But when I look at it, and this is my point, it's taken me like 11 years to move through that. So when people see next year and the year after and by 2025, it's like, man, stay the fuck out of, out of hours way, like hpf. Nothing could even be measurable. And oh, hey, you know, you coach fathers, do you? Have you seen the high performance father coaching certification? You should get that, man. There's a lot of, lot of coaches for fathers who are doing that so they know how to do it properly. Like, I'm not being arrogant. I'm sure there's probably some men who listen to my podcast and they coach other men and fathers, but this is the standard we're going to set, man, and we will open up and share that and provide that opportunity for you, which you will invest in. If you are a coach who wants to get better at coaching fathers, because you're investing in learning and developing something that's taken us decades, which you can then start to model and form your own instantly. So that was time. I'm not saying you need 11 years to change your career if you feel you need to, but the reality is it does take some time. But the sooner you get aware, the sooner you can start molding into who you need to be and want to be in this area of work. And then family what kind of value was I adding? Fucking none, man. That's what my marriage was breaking down in 2017. Love. Yeah, love was a word. Show me the love. Like love is the answer. But what is love? Don't just say they're fucking. They're my kids and I love them. What are you showing for that? Love is the answer. It's not the only answer. Stability, experiences, power. How are you giving your children power and developing them? You're not here to save your children. You're here to get them strong, to conquer what they face. And obviously to handle the adversities and the hardships that the world will throw at them relative to their generation, their experiences, their timeline, which couples into yours when they're under your wing. So the love wasn't there the way that it should be. No way. So my marriage broke down. Memories. Horrible memories. It's almost like I've tried to forget them, just. Just cut off those neural pathways. Let's snip them up in the brain, let's sear some of those ends, solder them off. Next. Seriously, man, it's pretty crazy. Triangles work, life. This is how you create balance. Firstly, by leveling up what it is that's actually important to you, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Like, it's got to have deeper meaning than just the black and white or the money you make has to, has to, man. Same with your children. You love your kids. You've got all these photos of Instagram, of all your different holidays and other shit, but were you actually there? Or did you just take heaps of photos in between your fucking Facebook checking and your Instagram checking and then post on upload all these? Were you actually there or you were looking at your children through a lens, Literally. Value, love and memories. What does that look like for you? Which brings us into the final piece. Time. This is how you get work, life, balance, man. Time. And triangles. Sort your triangles out, recalibrate, reallocate, redefine what that looks like. What value are you adding to your work? Can you add more? How do you like love or loathe it? What are you going to do about it? How will you approach it? Monetizing. Is this something that's supporting your current situation? Like, do you have a money saving problem or is it an income problem? Not that I have anything against the barefoot investor, but fuck, mate, you boost your income, a lot of your problems will go away. I remember my coach said to me once, he said, if you have a problem and money can solve it, you don't have A problem. It's like, wow, that's. He's very direct like that. And I like it, I respect it. When you look at that that way. I mean, look, obviously if we peel that back, the problem is your income. That's what he means. That was the nuts and bolts. Like, you think you've got all these problems, mate. If you raise your income, the fucking problem's gone. Don't worry about it. Focus on the most important thing, okay? You want to raise your income? How are you going to serve people better? How are you going to provide more value? How are you going to create more transformations, greater transformation? Like, I'd go through the same stuff as all of you guys. We're no fucking different. I'm here to provide value to the world. Provide, protect and support my family. Like, this is the thing, though. If you don't get out of your own way, you'll get stuck in your own way and you'll be in that vicious cycle of insanity thinking something will turn the corner. How? Why? Why would it sort your triangles out? Value. What value can you add to the family man being really present? Fuck your phone off. Put it in the car. Put it somewhere where it's an inconvenience. There's four or five even little roadblocks to get there. You got to get the keys. You got to go to the garage to get the keys and then come out through the front door to unlock the car to go get you. Turn your phone off as well. Then I've got to turn it on. Takes 30 seconds to upload. Do all that and you'll be like, I'll do it later. Honestly, we are lazy creatures. That's not a bad thing in certain areas, but we are lazy creatures. You just want to check a notification, but you know it's going to take six minutes work to do it. The trigger will come. You'll get that temptation. You'll get baited. I get that too. There'll be like a spot of silence and it'll be uncomfortable for you, right? So you want to go. It's like, I got to do all that shit now. I'll just do it after kids go to bed. I'm telling you, man, do it, do it. Then email me back an experience that you were actually present with. Adminldadmovement.com Email me a present. A presence that you brought, not physical presence, but real presence with a C that you brought to the table with your children and how much it opened your eyes. I actually saw my son learn something today alone. Was sitting at the dinner table and because I didn't have my phone, no one else had their gadgets and I asked a question and I got an answer, mate, well done. That's a fucking win. I'm not being a smart asset, that is a win. You are, you're developing dialogue, conversation value. Can you add kind of love, depth of love, type of love? Memories, Memories. Do you want that's all you'll have in certain areas of life. Memories when your kids were young because they're no longer young. Memories when you earned the right to build that freedom financially and that success because you didn't always have it and it was a grind through your 40s, 30s. Memories of your athletic body that's no longer athletic because you didn't turn up. Memories of your athletic body and how athletic you are now and you're performing better than you were when you're 25, now that you're 45, because you've done something about it. Memories, man. Good, bad and the ugly. Time's the fascinating one though. This is how we wrap this up. You are the master of time. Don't bullshit me and say I don't have enough time. You over committed and gave too much of it away. Stop treating it like a liability, it's an asset. And don't tell me you don't have enough time. Like, yes, there's a fine line to walk, but respectfully, I will either tell someone, look, I cannot give this the energy and respect it deserves right now. How about Thursday, 1pm and sometimes I'll be like, mate, I've got other priorities that are more important. I'm cautious about that. Like I don't talk to my mother and say, hey Mum, these things are more important than you. So I can't give you time right now. Skill sets, relationships, communication, skill sets. But essentially when you say you don't have time, you are dissolving responsibility and washing your hands of a simple fact of look, I've given time away to shit I probably don't even enjoy or like, or there are other things I'd rather be doing or I've already prioritized these things and I can't give that to you. That's on you. You have the time. I don't have time now. I'm in this, this and that. Well, you fucking over committed, mate. You got the house at this interest rate, you wanted all these different things, you overextended your arm and now you're paying for it. I'm not saying it's a bad Thing, but just fucking own it. Don't say you don't have time. Now I made a decision. Now we've got a massive mortgage. I've chosen to work in the mines or do this or do that. I'm not saying any of these are bad, man. What I'm saying is you chose it. Go upstream. Who chose that thousand minutes a day? Time is true. That's the crazy part. So when you can master your time, you can master the truth and you can create new truth. That's one of the most powerful things we'll ever have, man. You know why I cop criticism? Because it highlights the truth in people's lives. People don't like truth. They love to get fucking snuggy and comfortable, put their little fucking Snuggie on and watch Netflix and eat some popcorn and have their chocolates and treats and just disappear into the night with some alcohol and fall asleep. And we'll get to it when we get to it. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. A lot of people, man, I fucking love the truth. The truth always wins. I want to win. I'm a winner. But most people, they don't want to own the truth until the truth really presents and it's. And the lies are going to burn them so bad, they just can't handle it anymore. Don't be like that. A lot of you will. It's okay. But try not to be reach out before it hits that point. You are the master of time. When you're having an argument and you're struggling and it gets heated, this is an expression of energy with you and your wife. It gets faster and it goes and goes and goes. When you keep responding, you're speeding it up. Slow that shit down. Get control back of the conversation. Steer the narrative, ask quality questions and listen again. And listen and listen. You're not there to be anyone's punching bag either, mind you. But when you can steer the narrative and control the energy and where the energy flows on the specifics of the question by slowing down. And it's been like, okay, hang on a second. Let me just process what you said. Like, be honest about it. It's not that you're dumb or ignorant or you're Forrest Gump. When I have these chats with Kryn and I'm very fast, like, I'm very fast, very articulate and on the ball, because it's a skill set. It's not because I'm the fucking man who just woke up one day and I'm a wizard. It was a skill set. I worked hard On. It saved my marriage. It saved my marriage, man. And now we're flourishing five years later, four and a half years later. So when I look at this, I'm like, you are the master of time. Don't be reckless or careless. Slow it down. So when you're slowing down the conversation. Hang on a second, let me just acknowledge what you said. It's important. You're sharing your feelings. I get that, but let me just process this for a second and then I just need to ask you a question and then also share how I feel. You've just bought yourself 10 seconds sitting on. Ah, fuck off. You always say that. That's just the fucking way. Like, you give in to the ego, man, and the pleasure of power. You're expressing the wrong energy. It's like a sledgehammer instead of, you know, I don't want to say a needle through the heart, because that's probably symbolically wrong when you're trying to reconnect with your wife in a heated discussion, but it's essentially being precise. Precision is key. That's why I love one of our principles, the pillars of progress. Precision and purpose. Equal progress, not practice. Practice doesn't equal perfect. Practice doesn't even equal progress. It's progressing in the wrong direction. What kind of progress do you want? Precision, Purpose. How well are we doing it? Why are we doing it? How well are we doing it? Why are we doing it? You control all of that, man. Time. Slow it down, slow the conversation down. Get time back so you're not reacting. You can respond, you can create. You can create a question. It's like a choose your own adventure. Like, you go to this page, this page, this page, all of a sudden you're like, ah, shit, man. I've just gone down a big fucking rabbit hole alone, and I'm on page 423, and I should be back at like, 17. That's right. You didn't fucking think, mate. Take your time. Slow it down. Slow it right down. Because when you open up this can of worms, that then leads to that can of worms, and that leads to that can. It's like, oh, oh, oh. I need to escape aggression. Words. We don't listen. You don't listen. I just walk out. I leave. I jump in the car, I shoot off, leave the room, leave the house, go for a walk. Everything burns to the ground. And then there's times we need to speed it up. That's why deadlines are powerful things. Hey, look, I'm not going to wait 12 months for an Answer on whether you want to stay married to me or not. I'm not going to wait 12 months for things to improve. I want to work hard at improving them. I want to start working hard now. But what I want to do is be in a position where at Easter we can sit down and have a proper conversation and go, hey, how have the last four months gone? How can I keep improving for you? Let's get a whiteboard up and write some honey and handsome time together. Let's spend that together. Slow down time, speed up time frames. That doesn't mean you rush or you're reckless or careless. But life is a race, man. Look at what we're doing here now with hpf. If I sat down and we said, you know what, I'm going to wait, I had a couple of guys say that I need to, you know, I need to be a fucking old man first to be able to, you know, preach what I'm doing. Okay, I get that. All right? I'm going to wait till I'm 80 and then, you know, hopefully I'm on a nursing home and I'm doing okay. And maybe then I'm just going to reach out and go, hey, fathers, this is the. What the fuck do you mean? This is the journey. This is how you do it. Like you're an old man, you're about to die, or, why don't I develop a skill set of reflecting and showcasing thousands and thousands and thousands of fathers lives so you can learn from thousands and thousands and thousands of fathers that have done it and are doing it right now. What do you think's more valuable? Look, I'm not a one man band. I'm not sitting here going, hey, just do everything I fucking tell you to do. It's like, no, no, no. This is a leadership group. That's why it's not sign up online. You come through us, you come into the inner circle, man. It's a fucking powerful place to be. It's full of leaders with ideas, inspiration, being inspired by showcasing wins, showcasing how they overcome challenges, sharing wins, revelations, family experience. Like, this is a very powerful group that's relevant. So the time is powerful because life is a race to a degree. If I go, yeah, we'll just, we'll just go really steady. Let's just build HPF at this incline over the next 50 years, man. It wouldn't even make it past five. Be dead. Push, push, deliver, reflect. Push, deliver, reflect, grow. This is true power, man. Learn, do, reflect, learn, do reflect. You keep applying true power, you know What? Some parts, yeah. It is a speed game. That's why you're here. You've already. This is the crazy part. You've fucked around with five or eight or 12 years, all of a sudden you want to take it slow? What do you mean? We can turn that shit around in six months. So accelerating time. Yes, let's master and control that. Because when you've got a thousand minutes a day, that's a lot of opportunity, that's a lot of wiggle room. You can do a lot with that. I'm no Satan martyr, but I'm lucky to be on social media 10 minutes a day. And sometimes that 10 minutes includes me posting content. I don't drink, I don't fuck around. When it comes to special time with my children creating space, phones away, we go to the beach, environment, nature, Special time. We fill their buckets. Attention and power. What do you want to do, Lillian? I'm talking to a Lillian. What special time do you want to do Next time we have it with Daddy? I want to do drawings. I want to go to the movies. I want to go to the park. Okay, that's a lot. Special time's usually 20 minutes to half an hour, but. Oh, wow, that's great, darling. Like, you won't even have those conversations if you're wasting those thousand minutes a day. That's why focus is so powerful. Time, slow it down. Learn when and where to slow it down to mitigate risk, mitigate explosions, mitigate the conflict. Collision's a healthy thing. If it's with context, that means it has a point or a purpose. If there's respect, an underlying foundation of value and respect with you and your wife or your children or your teenage daughter or your teenage son. Look at this world, man, how fast it's going. Fucking drugs, technology, YouTube for your kids with their 5, 8, 12, 16, 17 parties overdosing cars. There's just so much shit going on that there would have been for our generation when we were coming through, let alone now. So learn to master that. And then you can show and teach your children how to master time. To slow down and speed up and what time brings trades. You're trading time on shit that doesn't serve you, or on honey and handsome time. Or other areas to build your habits mentally and physically to give you a better return on investment, your physical health and well being so you can be here longer with more impact in what you do. Day to day trades use time to slow down, to speed up and to trade the right things. You're always Trading. And this is my point as we wrap this up. Good episode, solid episode. I know it's an hour thereabouts. The two triangles work. Life balance. You can have it. You have it if you sort your triangles out first. Value, love and monetize, value, love and memories. Sort out your triangles first, couple that with time and then you'll see the value and what balance actually means to you. Because I have honey and handsome time with Corinne two to three times a week. Honey and handsome time for us at this stage of the game with the kids is 30 to 60 minutes max, which means I don't fucking need balance with my wife in giving her three out of the six hours that I have to give to family every day. When you mathematically break down what balance should probably be, that doesn't make any sense to me. Because the trade, because we're slowing down time, and because of the trade off with time, it's a huge return on investment. That means I spend an hour to two hours a week with Corinne, let's say 200 minutes, that's 200 minutes that I'm spending with her a week. What do we say? You've got 1,000 minutes a day. So when I do 100 divided by 7,000 times 200, I just did that then on my phone. 2.85%. What's the 2.85% that you can put into your marriage each week that's going to give you the 97.15% return. This is how you play the game, man. That's what work life balance is. I don't need to train six days a week, I train three to four. So what are the four hours, which is probably 4.1% thereabouts. What are the four hours that I can give a week that's going to Yield, let's say 300 minutes. I know that's five hours, but what's the 300 minutes I can give my body a week that's going to give me the greatest fucking return on investment in the other 6700 minutes. Can you see where I'm going with this, mate? That's how you get balance, playing the game. Playing the numbers, sorting out your triangles, leveling up and upgrading your triangles, and controlling and mastering time. You master time by understanding the percentages and playing the percentage game. Trade offs, return on investment, cut the shit. That doesn't serve you. And then you leverage speed to slow down when you need to and speed up when you need to. You do that, mate. You do that well. And I promise you, you will achieve a better work life balance. You will become stability for the family, for the household, because there's always someone who wants to fucking knock you off. There's always someone or something or someplace that wants to knock you off your perch. That's why you need to create stability and restabilize yourself physically, mentally, your household, relationships, communication, wife, children, and your work. I promise you, mate, you apply these two triangles in that element of time and some of those examples I gave you just then, you will create your own work life balance that's relevant for you, and you will define that on your terms. And a definition on your terms of something that you want to pursue and create means that you have an idea of what the outcome actually is. Why that way, why that style, why that has purpose and serves you, and why that is the answer for work life balance means for you, which equals a life that you love to live, be part of and win at. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.