173. How To Win Your Family Over Again

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode Foreign. How to win your family over again. Welcome to another episode for those who have just joined, those who just started following myself. High performance father, what we do. Welcome. I don't think I've actually ever really done that. So new listeners, anyone who's diving into either our free Facebook group or this podcast which is on many platforms, not just our platform, you can get it on Spotify and iTunes. YouTube channel that's starting to get very popular as well. Welcome. Welcome to the journey. Welcome to your journey. A journey where ultimately we are here to help you pivot on where you currently are. Readjust your perspective, not what to think, how to think. And yes, some tactics and strategies. This one, how to win your family back. The five steps to winning your family over again. And I say again because sometimes for a lot of men, you were the hero, you were the big dog, you were the king of the castle. It's not through anger, which is a pleasure, which you think that gives you control, but it doesn't. You've got no control when you express anger. It doesn't mean that people walk on eggshells. It's not respect through fear. That's not respect. That's fear and dominance. But there was a stage where you had your shit together. You're dominating in life, possibly family, self and service, all three. Who knows, Maybe you had the energy to put up with only juggling the two balls and you had enough rubber bands around the ball of self, around the ball of family and you're just killing it at work. And so maybe you didn't realize you don't Know what? You don't know, right? And that happens through your 20s and 30s. And the men that come to me range, we do get dads in their 30s for sure, which is. That's a fucking massive leg up for them. Like, we get the older bulls into the younger bulls with respect. Like, man, I wish I was doing this in my 30s. But generally they range from 40 to 55 years of age. Some of the older statesmen in their 50s, they're just killing it, which is epic. It's so good to see you need to keep adapting and changing your game to win in life because the game changes. So how do you know what winning actually means? If you're playing the wrong game, you never know what it means, let alone getting a gauge on whether you're winning or not, how to win your family over again. The point again is, and look, there may be some fathers out there, I highly doubt they'd be listening to this, who never even picked up the ball of family or self more service. And maybe their actions did define one of being a deadbeat. Who knows? You know, Like, I'm not here to sit in that space. And I don't really care for it either. There's always a choice. There's always an opportunity. If you don't fucking take it, that's on you, man. And what a disappointment. You know, any fucking mongrel can put his dick in someone and have a fucking baby. It takes a real man to be a real father and leader in his household, in his society, in his community, but in his household, in himself. And I'll tell you right now, there's no disrespect to men who aren't fathers, but you're not a real fucking man until you're a father. The end. Because you got more skin in the game, you got more on the line, you're more invested in life. So why don't you show me? Show yourself. Show the world that investment so we don't fuck around with time and energy that we never get back and the opportunity to influence and lead, which you'll never get back. When your kids grow up and they look at you and they're like, thank you for the lessons, dad. Thank you for the lesson of what not to do. Because I feel blessed that my father gave me plenty of those. He did the best that he could. I'm not here to judge him. I'm not perfect for my children either. But I learn, I innovate, I adapt. And I make sure I continually look in the mirror. Because the greatest Father that you can be will always, always hinge on the type of man that you are. Always. So for those guys who never want to step up to the plate and swing, good for you, mate. You're probably not even listening to this episode, so let's move on. But for the others, myself included, this is remembrance, how to win your family over again. Because there's times when we feel like we've lost them, or we feel like we're disconnected, or we feel distant, or there feels like there's a separation or there's just not that cohesion. We're not bringing a togetherness from which, as a team, as a tribe, as a mini tribe, your little tribe, your inner circle, your family, you're not collectively creating that compound effect of energy, energy, energy. Okay, there's three, there's four, there's five, there's eight in the household. How can we collectively live and breathe a higher message, a greater message? Because we're bringing our power together to the table, not individuals. I mean, you see that those examples are everywhere. Grab a stick, snap it in half. Grab five. Bit harder, Grab ten. Impossible. Not that I'm saying you should have ten kids. I used to always joke around and say, the road to 10. Yeah, I can't say that in front of the wife anymore. She'll kick me in the nuts. Not that there's any swimmers in there. Anyway, the vasectomy was real. It happened. I got to tell you, though, not that I'm saying every man out there who's done having kids should have one, but I can't believe how much that took. Just. You think it's the outcome, right? Okay, we don't have to have kids. It's actually the mental stressor whether you wear rubbers or not. It's the mental stressor of your wife not having that little seed of doubt in her mind that, you know, whether you go all the way or not or you pull out that seed of doubt that they could fall pregnant. I'm telling you, man, that's. That's a massive, like, That's a massive mood killer on one end, but that's a massive aphrodisiac on the other end. I'm not just saying that from a personal experience. Like, that's. That is just. That is legit, man. Not that I'm saying you should go and get a vasectomy. We're certainly not partnered up, or we're not in partnerships with doctors who are cutting your nuts off, but not. That's the process. But you know what? I Mean, that was really interesting. That was a really interesting insight for me to go, yeah, you know what? It really removes that little thought. Because you know what women are like, they're so lateral. It's all feelings, it's all fantasy. It's all would have, should haves and could haves. They're all these little seeds of doubt. And that certainly helps. But let's get back to this man. Five points. The five steps to winning your family over again. I'm not saying you've lost them. And please understand, this is in context for you. This is for you to interpret. Maybe your wife's just left, maybe there's some hard conversations to be had. Maybe everything's on the line right now. There's a chance. But if you keep doing the same thing and those same things turned you out, unfortunately to be a fucking liar, she's not going to believe you. Maybe that's why you need to reach out. Who knows? Don't just have to reach out to us. I don't sell or push. When the man's ready, he takes a step. When he connects, he takes a step. When he wants someone in his corner 365 days of the year and a full team around him. Not just one counseling session every fucking month. He sees value, he sees the end game, and he connects the dots. You know, it cracks me up just before we dive in, it's the whole price on your health thing. Like, can't put a price on your. Fuck off. Of course he can. Everyone does. Every single day. You all put a price on your health. You put a price on your life every day. Go back to my other episode. The greatest gamble a man will make. Like that. That's it, man. That is it. The greatest gamble a man will ever make is on him, is on himself. It is a gamble depending on your actions, outcomes, what you do. So this is a very powerful episode. This is going to serve you well. And whilst this isn't the regular 15 to 20 minute intros. Big welcome. Big welcome to the new recruits who are listening, diving in, starting to immerse themselves in a different world. Because it's really hard. Like you don't know what you don't know and you think the norm is what you were conditioned to believe and see with your own eyes in your household or relationships, or what you just accepted, or what a low level of energy became in going for the kill, which is a lackluster effort. Sedation, distraction, drugs, alcohol, porn, not connecting with the family, things that just pull you away and that just Becomes your normal, your new normal. I hate that term, man. I can't stand that. So when we're looking at this, it's really hard. Like, I listened to some of these books and I've gone through a lot of books and different things around parenting and whatnot. And some of the examples I listened to, I'm like, holy shit, man, this is crazy. People are doing that. They're doing that with their kids, they're behaving that way, they're acting that way. That's savage, man. I mean, and I'm not putting myself on a pedestal. It's just when I listen to some of these examples and some of these books with different authors around parenting, children, child psychologists, it's like, yeah, man, that's. Yeah, that's hard. It's hard to look at and go, I am doing that. I need to change what I'm doing. I'm grumpy all the time. I'm triggered all the time. I just swear carelessly around my children. I don't swear around the kids. I'll swear on this podcast. My children aren't listening to this podcast. Maybe my son will one day. Maybe he'll make his own. Who knows his journey. But essentially, all of these books have one thing in common. And it's not that they're bad or wrong, but they preach a message. But then woven into that message is words like appropriate within reason to a degree of. I'm listening to these terms like, well, hang on a minute, you've just preached that this is the answer. But then you've got words like appropriate. What's appropriate for you, what's within reason for you. So this is the hard part, man, when it comes to your life and your journey as a father, because it is intertwined with your journey as a man. And you don't know the journey you're on until there's a passage of time. You don't know what's appropriate or within reason until there's a passage of time with actions and reflection results. So you don't know what you're doing and the path you're on and how right or wrong it is until you apply true power to your life. True power. That's one of our principles. Learn, do, reflect, acquire the knowledge and information to make sure that you're not only looking to potentially fast track because life is a sprint to a degree. You're not looking to fast track your results through the efficacy of what you're doing to making sure it's efficient and effective, but you're actually doing it and you're actually reviewing it. Did that get me what I wanted? Did that keep me on the path? So you can go to all the fucking children experts in the world, but unless there's a passage of time of you applying it and reviewing it, you'll get nowhere. Same with this. This the five steps to winning your family over again. Not winning them back. You haven't lost them. Win them over. You don't need to go have those fucking bullshit buff steroid induced fake muscles and spandex or speedos and a cape to be your child's hero. That's why I don't agree. This sounds crazy. I know. I don't think it does. I don't agree with a lot of the stuff I see rolling out through Disney. It paints perceptions and fantasies of children and expectations. Like my daughters on what a princess should be, where they should live, what they should wear. I want to be a princess like Cinderella. No, Stella, Cinderella isn't real. You're more of a princess than she will ever be. And you're way more beautiful as well. Look, I'm not propping my children up or setting them up to fail. I'm giving them the truth. That doesn't mean that we turn off tv. I mean, I wouldn't have a TV in my house if I had my way. But I compromise. But this hero stuff and superpowers, man, you have that superpower. Being a visionary for your children and their future. Their legacy built off yours. Having the foresight to know how you can maneuver and adapt what you're doing and then help your child the same. Doesn't mean they should have a flawless life. Doesn't mean they shouldn't experience pain, hardship and loss. My children love jumping off the lounge. Like I'm not going to rouse on a man if they break their leg or arm. They break their leg or arm. But guess what? They're fucking amazing jumpers. They're amazing athletes. I'm not going to inhibit my children's ability to explore and navigate and experiment. That's what they teach us, man. No concept of time. Be here in the now. Experiment. Search and discover life. They are two of the greatest things that you will ever get from your children. Losing the concept of timing being relevant here and now. That's our first step. We'll talk about that in a second. Experimenting and experiencing life. That doesn't mean I'm like, okay, cool, you've done that. Let's jump off the house and land on your legs. Do a little tuck, roll you'll be right. I'm not an idiot. But you gotta be smart in your approach, man. Don't drive your children's lives through safety, security. The fuck did you ever get out of life through safety and security? Nothing. Same thing. You're in the same spot. From a perception of another spot you could have been that, might have been worse, but never was. Maybe it'll be better. I'm not delusionally optimistic, but people talk about, oh, it could have been worse. And that's with anything that's not relevant to what's happening now in the world. That could be anything, could have been worse, could have been better. Yeah, but it could have been worse. Yeah, but it could have been better. Yeah, but this could have happened. Yeah, but this could have happened. Don't fuck around and be a hypocrite on one side or contradict yourself just by living on one side of the spectrum. That's bullshit. You're better than that. Five steps. The five steps to winning your family over again. Being the hero. Don't worry about spandex and capes. Being the hero. Being respected, loved. Providing stability. Value for your wife, value for your children. That's what this is like when you. It's why I love that word, stability. Because it's relevant to action. Because to be stable. You're stabilizing, which means you're countering something. What are you countering? You're countering the chaos of life. It's real fucking easy, isn't it, before we have kids. It's real easy when all you have to do is focus on yourself. You're stabilizing, you are countering the moving parts of life. Only three, hardest three ever. Greatest three ever. Family, self and service. And the biggest thing children bring into our lives is a destabilization of who we currently are. Bringing the facts, bringing the pain, bringing reality, bringing the truth. So when you're creating stability for the household, it's built and driven off actions. So those actions over time in the right direction, equal trust, honesty, truth, a higher level of love. Just say, I love my kids. Yeah, what are you going to do about it? How are you showing that? How are you showing that in the way that they want to see it? Oh, I bought them a nice new bed. No, no, no. What do they want that shows love? They just want you, man. They want your attention. They want to experience with you. They want to spend time with you. Fucking bed. Affection, appreciation, respect. All that comes off stability. Like, you might not like someone out there, but if they continuously Live the truth. And they're expanding and growing. You can't. It's hard not to respect them. Value. It's a representation of value. When you're looking at things like respect, appreciation, stability, representation of value, this is how you create a higher level of value again in who you are to win your family over. Point one, undivided attention. I know I just mentioned that. That's one great thing that the kids bring us. Isn't it crazy? Some of these simple words. You hear them? I'm going to give you my undivided attention. Like we've heard that for decades, but I haven't heard it for a long time. Getting cottonmouth like Jim Carrey out of me, myself and Irene. Quick sip there. Undivided attention. Your children know when you're listening and when you're not. So if you're having a little pow wow, poor old me, when you didn't ask the right quality questions or even listen to them when they're going through school and they just give you grunt one word answers, go upstream and have a look at the lack of effort and investment you put into them. When they're giving you energy. This is the thing, peel it right back. They're expressing energy. So they're trading, they're doing a trade off. They are trading energy. They're giving you energy, they're giving you their insides, the internal part of them, they're expressing that. What? When that falls on deaf ears and it's not received, what do you think goes through their head? Whether they're aware of this or not could be subconscious. Well, that was a poor investment. I just poured this energy and I got nothing back. Think about that, man. Think about that with your wife. That's why I laugh with that poor example. But it's so true. It's poor because of the outcome that never has to be. When your wife's asking you what you want for dinner and you're just dismissing it, she's expressing, investing, exchanging, engaging. Pick any word you want. She's diving into all that shit with you, as simple as it sounds, and you just dismiss it. Why the fuck would she keep investing in you? I wouldn't. That's why I don't chase people. It'd be like if we had a father who reached out three years ago and it's like, hey, mate, hey. And every month I just call him, how you going? How you going? Hey. Oh, man, you fucking. You. When you're ready, you come back and you show me already. This isn't a power game. Or pedestal thing. It's time and energy. It's vital. I would be a fool to continually invest in something that chronically gives me no roi. So this becomes hard because men come to me, they're like, man, I just don't. I can't put up with this anymore. I can't put up with this marriage. I'm giving this, I'm giving nothing back. I'm like, yeah, but you've been trying for three weeks, man. Look, you're investing for three weeks, 10x and you're getting 0 to 1 to maybe 2x back. But maybe for 15 years your wife was investing 1 to 2x and getting 0 back. So maybe you need to earn your stripes a little bit more in an energetic exchange where you both see value again in investing and be a bit more patient. I'm not saying you supplicate, submit to your wife or you just put up with shit for another 10 years, but maybe that's what they've put up with. Who knows? Maybe it's through no fault of your own, you've both just put up with shit for 10 years. Life got in the way. Undivided attention, that is an investment. You need to look at this, man. You need to look at this that way. Like, whether you want to bring business or word work terms into this, it doesn't matter. Like, it's true when your children are pouring their heart out or investing in you and you've got your phone in your hand or it falls in deaf ears, or you're investing in other environments or you're not listening, or you're not looking them in the eyes when they're talking to you. They don't feel important. It wasn't reciprocal. They've invested and got nothing back. Why would they keep investing in that? They pull away. They get manipulated by technology. Little messages, pings, notifications, their computer, their chats, their friends. And all of a sudden these little dopamine hits mean that you're no longer relevant or real and they disappear into a fantasy land. That's really, that's really painful, man. I don't know how you guys will feel about that. My children aren't teenagers yet. Got a few years yet. But I mean that to not do the groundwork, to build that up and then have them completely separate like that, that would hurt. That would really hurt. What do we do? Start. Start giving undivided attention. These will tie in together. You will definitely be able to. One of our points, yes, this will all tie in together. But start by doing that and communicate that I'm going to give you my undivided attention. That doesn't mean you put your phone on silent or you turn it upside down or you put it in your pocket, fuck it off. They shouldn't even see it. Get it out of there. That's the problem with phones. Multiple environments. That takes you away from your one true environment. So technology, tv, another environment, get rid of all that. Give your undivided attention to your wife. When's the last time you looked into your eyes? Like, literally looked into her eyes and saw what color her eyes were and looked at her fucking pupil? Like, that's. That's a gaze, man. That's like getting deep. That's like, I'm looking, I'm looking into you. Keep sharing, keep talking. Doesn't have to be when you're making love or actually having proper connection through something that's so receptive in us as human beings, in our sensory perceptions. Sight, smell, touch, taste, sound, eyes. I was at the beach the other day and I was like, why is the ocean so therapeutic? I was like, fuck, man, it hits all of the senses in one. Doesn't mean I don't like bushwalks or natural, you know, going up to the top of cliffs and you're seeing lookouts and just kicking back with the breeze. But when you're in the water, in the ocean, it's moving, it's energetic. The ocean's different to the ocean bar baths, let alone just going in a pool or water. When you're in the ocean, you're hitting them all, man. You're tasting the salt. You can feel the movement, the waves, the current, like that, that electricity, that magnetism, almost like. It's incredible, man. Like it recharges you. You're feeling that. You're tasting that. You can smell that. You can obviously see, you can hear it. It's incredible, man. Hits it all in one five steps, winning your family over again. Undivided attention. But do it, do it properly, and your mind will wander. I'll tell you now, spoiler alert. Your mind's gonna wander. Bring it back. Don't think about that shit. Think about the words they're speaking, their body language, their facial expressions. Observe in the now. Be present in the now. Undivided attention. Which means when you're sitting at the dinner table, you've got three kids. When each one collectively holds the torch, the microphone, the speaker, I don't know if that's something. It's like, I think I've seen it somewhere. They can hold the Stick. And that's their time to talk. I haven't brought that in yet. Maybe we could, who knows? But when they're giving that expression to the family, that's where you're focusing on. That's why we love special time. We brought that in with the kids. That was phenomenal idea by Shannon Brenton, a great mate of mine. He formulates all of our supplements, actually. He's such a legend. You feel their bucket of attention and power. 10 to 20 minutes, sometimes half an hour. Special time just for them. Set a clock, whatever you want to do, we're doing it. That's worked wonders for Lillian because she's wild, man. My second child, she's. She's wild. It's incredible. I'm going to really be counseling her boyfriend and husband and helping him through. Not how to handle her, how to survive, but special time, man. She's. And I'm not using that as a tool to get obedience. Not at all. It's just something exciting to look forward to that they deserve. They deserve special time. They deserve and desire to have a bucket filled with attention and power. Because you're so valued in their eyes. Or at least to start with, you are undivided attention. Point two, Don't replace reposition. I've just started calling it this, and I'm not sure if there's a better word. I'll sit on it for a week or two or a better term. But I talk about boundaries and healthy nos because you need to look after your space. You need to put boundaries up and you need to be true to that because that's a sign of self respect. And when you show respect of self, it's not arrogance, it's not ego when you show, not vanity when you show respect of self, others will respect you more, hands down. But what I started saying was solution no's. Because when you say no to something or you chop and change the game plan, a solution, no means there's a solution. On the other side of that, you've provided and propped up an alternate or an opportunity. So when it comes to commitments with your family and life might get in the way and you're trying to weigh up and balance work yourself, your fishing trip, the kids, the kids, your wife, your wife or the kids like honey and handsome time going out, giving the wife a break from the children, you having a break, creating space time after yourself when all of this shit comes flying, flooding through, rolling into your life and you thought you had it all together. And then a curveball comes, another curveball. Comes another. Don't just replace reposition. That's a solution. No. Hey, look, it's been a really tough day at work. I'm really struggling. I need to go out for a walk and just create some space for myself. I know you wanted to have dinner, and I know you want to have dinner tonight, but I need to go for this walk first and just clear my head for a couple of hours. Just leave it at that. I mean, that's a hard thing. What's that saying to your wife? What's that saying to your wife? Especially if you don't adopt point number one, undivided attention. Like giving that respect of just being present in the. Now imagine that. The undivided. Imagine if I did that with the podcast. Just be like. Hannah a second. Just, just. Hannah. Sec. Guys, someone's just at the door. You're just sit. Sit tight. I know you guys are listening. Just give me 30 seconds. I'll be back. Just give me a minute. Undivided attention, man. You got to be present, but then you got to back that up with repositioning. Don't just replace. Hey, look, Karin, I've had a crazy day at work. I know you wanted to have some money and handsome time, and I was going to cook you dinner tonight. Or we're going to go for dinner tonight, not the weekend. Their kids are still very young. But I know we had plans to be together tonight, but I'm cooked. I just. I feel great when I walk. I need to go out and walk. But why don't we do this? That's what I mean by reposition. Don't just replace. Because when you've replaced, something else dies. And when it's important for you, you're letting something important die. Same with yourself. I'm getting up. I'm going to train at 5am this is my time. All right. Beauty. Alarm goes off. I start warming up. Roman starts going off. Shit, man, he's screaming. I told Corinne that she was going to sleep in. I thought I could get it. I thought I could train. And then by quarter past six, that's when he usually wakes up. I could have trained and then looked after him. He's screaming. Corinne's going to wake up. No worries. Don't just replace them, because then you're neglecting yourself. Reposition. Okay, I'm going to look after Roman. I'm going to spend time with him. What that means is I'm going to have dinner later tonight. I'll still sit at the table with the family. I might have something Small to give me some energy and carbs for training. But going to. I'm. But after that bath time and bed, I don't need to. I don't feel the need to read books and stories and spend time with Roman. He's going to go straight to bed this time and I got to spend an hour with him in the morning where we had special time through sheer chance of luck because he woke up early and the girls are still asleep. You reposition which means the kids have dinner at 5. They have bath time at 5:45, bedtime 6:15 instead of 6:15 to 6:45. Roman goes straight to bed around 5:45 after bath time and I'm going to hit a training session then I'll have dinner after. Reposition, man. Reposition your own shit. That's important for you. I'm not talking about just reprioritizing what you're doing where you just keep sacrificing yourself for the family. Reposition your work. Don't just replace like my last episode. Slow down the time. You don't need to get back to emails all the time. If you go back and forth with emails and you send 15 emails in a week for the same outcome, fuck that shit off. Email them once a day. Email them once a day at 4:55pm if they finish work at 5:00pm you don't need that shit on your plate. You don't need to check that at night. That's what I do. I don't neglect my members. You're on the inner circle. It's a different game. But I still have repositioning, not replacing. I replace the bad shit in my life that doesn't mean anything. Of course, when it comes to things that are important for you, like I said, you don't want the important stuff to die. So reposition. I'm going to spend time with Roman this morning. But hey, I'm still going to give Karin her sleep in this morning. I'm going to cook breakfast for the kids. They're up around six six thirty. No worries. They're all sorted. Looking after family. Karin has a good sleep in. Okay, no worries. Hey look Roman, when Kryn gets up, hey look Roman, he got up really early today. I didn't get a chance to train. I barely got a warm up in. But what I was thinking, because I've spent time with him already, I'll put him to sleep. He likes when I put him to sleep. So we'll get him bathed, we'll make sure we're on point and we're keeping good schedule with our dinner. Keep on time. I'll bath him first, then the girls, they can have their bath together. I'll bath him first. I'll get him straight out, get him his bottle, pop into bed, he'll go to bed early. I'm gonna have dinner a little bit later. What do you want to do? Do you want to have dinner with me? I won't have dinner now till 7:30 instead of usually 5:30 with the kids or 5:15. Like this is all laid into A, undivided attention but B communication. But it's just building the plan where you just reposition. I need to do this. Like this is important. I haven't trained for three days. It's been a big week at work. I'm gonna train at six o' clock now. Done. Same with your family when shit hits the fan with work. Look, we can't go to the park now. But what we're going to do is. This is what we're going to do tomorrow. Daddy's actually got a surprise for you on Saturday. I know it's Thursday and usually every Thursday we go to the Pirate ship park, but we can't do that this Thursday because Daddy has other things he needs to. But guess what? I'm going to take you to a new park on Saturday. And a surprise. So you're uplifting and enlightening. Opportunity, curiosity, also spontaneity. A bit of change of routine and structure. I'm not rigid like a drill sergeant. And you're changing things up. You're providing a solution. It's a solution. No, there's a solution on the other side. You're repositioning, not just replacing. Because if you just keep replacing that couple with undivided attention, they're not important to you. They mean fucking nothing to you in their eyes. That might not be your truth, man, but your actions unfortunately are presenting that as a possibility. I'm not saying it's absolute. It's absolute in their eyes because they're going to start disconnecting from you. But that is absolutely a possibility that they'll get it. Maybe not always. Think of it this way though. I want you to think back to five times that you didn't give attention. You didn't give undivided attention and you just replaced and you just squashed it. That'll be right. We'll figure it out another day. It's just, it's loose, open ended, you know, we'll do it another time. Kids don't work like that, you know that we'll do it another time. What do you mean when? Like I'm here and now. Like it'd be hard enough as it is to convert a Thursday park time to a Saturday with two sleeps. When Lillian doesn't understand Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Roman obviously doesn't, Stella does. So when you're doing this five times, where you replace, you didn't reposition five times, you didn't give undivided attention. What do you think that does, man? What do you think it does? For the energy and the connection between you and your children, you and your wife give undivided attention when and where it's due. And make sure you do that. Don't just replace. If it's important, reposition it. You can still do it, if it's not important, replace it. Own that and make sure you review that. Well, I can't reposition now. My calendar stacked. Bullshit. Like if you're working 80, 100 hour weeks, you're failing. You're doing something wrong. You need to do document what you're doing, get the data on how it works and how it can be optimized and delegate. Build your team, cut away some of the cream. If you're running your own business, cut away some of your fucking profits and buy your time back. Don't go running eighty hundred hour weeks thinking that's just the way it is. I don't have time. Bullshit. You have time. You have choices. Always. If you don't run a business and you're a bit tight on that, you always have a choice. There is still a way to get time and energy back. You're just not innovating or being resourceful enough. You can reposition when you start by replacing the shit that doesn't serve you. That's where we dive into habits. Replacing the bad habits. Cutting the bad habits gives you room to move, gives you room to add in a good one. Undivided attention. Reposition the important things, don't just replace them and assume that your family will be okay with it. Because I'm telling you, mate, over time they won't point three. It's in the delivery. I can't remember who said this. Someone said it to me the other day. I don't even think it was related to fathers coaching relationships. It might have been sport. It's in the delivery. It's in the delivery. Applies everywhere in life. Let's bring it back to sport. You can have the greatest intention ever. You're a fast right arm, fast bowler. My intention is to knock that off. Stump fucking straight out of the ground. Awesome. How's the delivery? It's all in the delivery. Putting up a bomb right on the line so you can jump. And you'll either get a repeat set from a dropout or your team will grab it and score. Like it's all in the delivery. You can have the best intentions at heart, but that means fuck all compared to the real world and the delivery. It's all in the delivery. Think about that. The way that you speak, the way that you listen. This is what I mean when I talk about listening being an active thing. And I don't mean active listener. Like it's. Listening is an active form of communication. It really is. It's in the delivery. Man of your posture, your body language, where you're looking. Don't just look straight ahead when your wife's talking to you or your children or, like I said, this all ties in undivided attention. It's in the delivery, how you speak, the words you speak, your tonality, the speed, the pauses. Asking questions, giving statements, asking permission, giving. Giving shares, feelings, giving orders. You want to win your family over again? Start having a look at your delivery. Oh, I just. I don't think Al just is what it is. I just speak my mind. It's like, well, if you always do what you've always done, you won't always get what you've always got. You'll probably get fucking worse. And you get more of the worse because over time, that shit wanes thinly on other people. Nothing's ever the same. So if you're doing something which isn't growing and evolving you, it's killing you. It's decaying and destroying you and that. That you love and care about. So don't create these stories in your head that I'm just unorganized. Or I just say what I speak. It is what it is. It's like, well, hang on a minute. Maybe fucking think before you speak. Just because there's a truth inside you doesn't mean you always have to bring it front and center. If there's no purpose or value to move both of you forward, why would you do that? Women are crafty. They contest this. I'll give you a perfect example. Right? Let's. I mean, this doesn't happen, but let's say it did. Yeah, we'd be at the beach and a girl in a bikini would walk past. Corinne doesn't do this, but let's say she does. She goes like, oh, she. You know, she's fit. Or look at her. Or you Know she's wearing a bikini or she's wearing jeans or some like that. You know, you can't lie, you know. Or do you think she's attractive or, you know, this sort of shit, right? Like I said, Krin doesn't do this, but I could see how this would happen. And they just ask a question, testing. Oh, no, no, she's not. She's horrible. Don't fucking lie. They know that shit. Like, women aren't dumb. They. They know if a woman's attractive and fit in good shape, they're not. They're not fools to it. But on the flip side, you don't have to see a girl walk past and go, fucking, no, have a look at her crin. Have a fucking look at her like she's in amazing shape. Like, just because there's a truth out there doesn't mean you just have to blurt it out all the time. There's truths everywhere. But what's the point? What's the point of you bringing it up? What's the purpose? What values it add, if that. I'll give you some pointers here. If that did happen to me, if Corinne did ask that question or something, I'd be like, yeah, she's very fucking fit and healthy. She's very healthy and looks strong. I don't know how old she is. And she probably hasn't had three kids like you, probably wasn't a state netballer like you. And, you know, good for her. But the hard part is when people just value someone based on their looks or their physical ability or sexual attractiveness, it's going to leave them high and dry, that's for sure. Unless you disagree. Do you think everything's just based around looks, Corinne? See what I'm doing? Which is true, because that's the truth, man. Like, anyone can have a fucking. Can build a good body, good shape. Especially if you. If you're not a father or mother and you got no care in the world. Yeah. And you're in your 20s, anyone can fucking have and develop a good body. You look back now like there's no fucking excuse, given the way the world is when you've got kids and all the other shit. There's zero excuse why you couldn't be in amazing shape when you're younger. But that's. That's just one perception of value. I look at my wife, what she's doing with the children, how she's raising them, the trust and faith I put in her, in my own blood, my own children, when they're Being raised when I'm not at home, like that's very valuable to me, man. So it's a value proposition or reposition on what's important to you in life where ultimately you can accept and understand the truth, but also bring a point in context to a greater and a higher truth together. That's in the delivery. So don't just speak your truth just because. Because it's not going to get you anywhere if the just because or you don't think about it, or it's done with a certain tonality or it's done in an aggressive manner. Energy's energy. No one responds to energy more than children. You can see that because they're so pure. There's no filters. But with adults, as you get older, energy's energy, man, the little smart ass comments, a little rhetorical questions, all that little shit that builds. That that builds is an irritation that becomes an irritated energy in the air. All of a sudden you're looking, you're looking for the dog shots or the way you can just get one up over the misses or the ego comes into play or a way you can defend yourself. Or if she says something, you take it personally and oh, what about this? And you start redirecting. It's all in the delivery. You give your undivided attention, you start repositioning instead of replacing, you're going to start having more harmony. They'll definitely be a more harmonious household. But also when it's in the delivery, in the delivery doesn't just mean getting cotton mouth again. In the delivery doesn't just mean that you just go fucking blurting everything that comes into your head. It's just, that's the fool's way. Think. You got it. You got to think, man. The delivery. That's why slowing things down, speeding up, just like I spoke about my last episode, the concept of time. You master it, you control it, you leverage it. Because time and energy is bound together. That's why it's a vibration or a frequency or a wavelength. Like this is real. This is true. Speaking sound. It's not just sound, it's everything. All forms of energy are an energetic wavelength. That's relative to the size, magnitude or the velocity. So the energy and the time it's coupled with give your undivided attention. You want to win your family over again. Give your undivided attention when it comes to commitments with the family. Don't just replace, don't just replace them. Reposition, reposition yourself so you can be 100% again. So you can Continually invest in yourself. Communicate to them. Teach them that it's important that they do that as well. Reposition, don't just replace and cut away. Cut away the deadwood. You've got to always do reviews weekly, monthly, quarterly, monthly. At a minimum, look back and go, am I doing things that I don't really need to? Am I doing things that aren't serving me. Undivided attention? Reposition, don't replace. Focus on your delivery. It's in the delivery, man. On how you communicate. The words you speak, the way that you speak, your body language, your eyes, your nature, your temperament. They can feel that. Literally. Your posture with your shoulders, with your chest, with your eyebrows. They can see that, man. They can feel that. This is energy. Point 4. You need to sell your family. You need to sell your family on your plan, your game plans, your ideas, your actions. And when I say sell them on it. Life is sales. Life is selling. I know it sounds funny because I say I'm not here to sell or push you, but what I'm talking about is when we're exchanging in trade, time and energy. It's a trade, time and energy. You know, like I'm selling you on listening to these podcasts by working very hard with our men on the inside and everything we do and building my skill sets to, to make sure that I keep adding value, correct. Sales isn't just fucking money. I'm selling you on the value of this podcast that's gonna provide you better time and energy in the future. Cause it's gonna get your brain wired in a different way, that's gonna serve you and you get control back. Same with your family. It's selling, it's trade, it's negotiating. Look at your kids, man. They're always trying to sell you on some shit. They're always negotiating. There's always a trade off. So when you're coming up to ideas like repositioning, instead of replacing the way that you deliver, you need to sell your family on why everyone wins from their perspective. Not from yours, from theirs. Stella, darling, this is why. This is why, sweetheart, we're going to go to the park on Saturday. We can't go Thursday afternoon. Now Daddy needs to do some extra work. Remember, we're going away. We're going away to foster in the caravan for a few days. And Daddy's going to have some time away just with you and the family, not do any work. But you know what that means. That means if Daddy's going to take some extra time away from work, then right now Daddy Needs to do just a little bit extra right now. I just got to do a little bit more. I've got a few things I need to do at work with the other dads and make sure everyone's okay. Which means this afternoon we can't go. But guess what this means. We're still going to go to the park on Saturday. And because Daddy's doing all this extra work this week, next week we get to go away. We're going to have fun. We're going to go in the van, we're going to go to the beach. And what do you want to build? Like, what sort of. Do you want to build a new sandcastle? Because I've seen some buckets that we can use in the garage that could build a really big sandcastle, not just the ones that we bought at Kmart. When I'm doing this, it's not deceitful or manipulative. It's me helping influence a mind that might not be receptive or open to this. The same goes for your wife. Think about this, man. You've got all your shit. You've got your mess, you've got your list. You've got all the stuff that you fucked up in life that's fucked you up. Just like me. We all have this. Your wife isn't perfect. Neither is mine. Like, they've got their shit as well. So when you're a real leader, that's what I mean when I'm talking about leading the family. Your wife will lead you in certain ways. You will lead her, and you should, in helping influence her and opening up her perspective. Perfect example of vasectomy Crin. The third baby nearly broke her. I would love to have another son. Like, favourite numbers? 4. 4 kids. 2 boys, 2 girls. Manaby and Roman. He's just a beast. He's such a brawler. He's going to be such a weapon. Man, I just look at him like, man, I wonder. Like, sometimes I visualize that I'm like, imagine him as just another. As a bigger brother and having a little. A little 2ic to run around with. Like, it'd be epic. But nearly broke. Corrine. This is why I'm getting a vasectomy. You don't have to worry about getting pregnant ever again. How's that going to be for you? You know, like, I'm really. I'm going in. Karine. I'm getting my nuts cut in half. I know I paint a funny picture with that, but I use loose language and pain in extremes sometimes. Maybe, but. Well, the Reality is, they do get cut. They cut India. It feels quite weird, so. Especially from a primal sense, because it's just ingrained in our DNA. Not that I want a million kids, so I'm selling her on this and why everyone wins. The reason why. You don't have to, if you don't want to. I can look at getting an IUD or whatever those things are called, or blah, blah, blah. No, no, no. This is. This is why I'm going to do it. This is why for you, this is why for the kids, this is why, for the family in the house, you got to sell them on a man from their perspective. So when it comes to undivided attention, repositioning, instead of replacing your delivery, what do you think the chances are and the odds are of you doing it in a phenomenal way? If you nail those first three points, when it comes to selling your family, your wife, your children on an idea, why they're going to win, why they benefit, why everyone wins. Now, here's the kicker. Here's a little asterisk in the corner with a little note. If you can't come up with a way, genuinely, genuinely, if you can't come up with a way or come up with an understanding or a perspective of how the actions, what you're planning, what you're promoting, what you're pushing onto your family in a genuine way, if you can't come up with a way that, that benefits them, that they win from their perspective, their point of view, then it's not the right fucking thing, mate. Stop doing it. You know, I'm not saying you're a narcissist, but stop doing it. No one's winning. They're not. They're not. Doesn't mean you can't do things just for you. Of course you can, Corinne. This is why I train three to four days a week. This is why on these sessions, I can't have the kids in the garage with me. I'm lifting heavy shit, I'm throwing stuff around, I'm very controlled and very good at what I do, but I don't want them in here now. But this is why I need to make sure I keep investing myself so I've got a lot of energy so I can keep turning up when you need me, for the kids, when you're tired, when I can keep doing this and building an amazing business and serving fathers all over the country and being an amazing father and husband to you. I need to make sure I'm fit. I need to be very fit. That doesn't mean you need to be as fit as me. But I've got a lot of shit going on and I want that gas tank to be able to perform. So I need to train three to four days a week. For me. This is for me. The reason why you and the kids benefit is one, I get a chemical release and a mental release and two, I have the capacity and ability to perform and be there more for you and for the kids. Like this isn't. And that's really. I've had that. Sorry, I had that conversation with Corinne once. Yes, A couple of times is a bit of a reminder. Oh, you need to train today. Well, I don't need to, but I'll tell you what, we're here, here and here. How about I just cut the session down? I'm going to do half hour instead of an of course, man. There's always again, reposition, don't replace. That means on Sunday I'll do a bigger session, I'll train for an hour and a half. I didn't replace it, I repositioned it. This is modern day intelligence. I've said this before. Social awareness, self awareness. That's real intelligence, not a piece of paper, not an IQ test. Social awareness, what's happening around you? Read the conditions, read the play. I'm a visionary. You can be too. It's not exclusive to me, but I am a visionary. I've built that foresight from working with men, working with fathers. My own life experience, my own family. The pitfalls, the trials and tribulations, all that you need to have that foresight, man. And then self awareness. What do I need? And you calculate. Everything is calculation. You're always calculating, which means everything is selling. You're selling yourself on the idea to do this or to do that, to sacrifice this or sacrifice that. So you need to sell your family on why everyone will win. Even if you're planning something for them, even if you're planning their actions. Stella, darling, this is why you need to have a bath every night. Your body's strong, there's lots of bugs and grubs and bacteria and that sort of stuff's a part of life. They're inside our tummies, they're all over the body. This is part of our life and being. But when you go out and play and you do this, this and that and then you're going into your bed, it doesn't make it a very clean place. So look, look, I'm making this up. My daughters have never had an issue with going in the bath, they love that. They love bath time. But this is my point. If it was her and she didn't want to have a bath, I think this is why you need to have a bath, darling. Because if you didn't, then you'd have this and you'd get grubby and then you might get rashes and other things and your bed would be smelly. I mean, would you want that again? If you can't communicate it in genuine fashion or there isn't a genuine outcome for them, then change the approach, because it's not a genuine thing. You got to sell them on it, though. You need to. So, perfect example. If you're working tremendous hours to make a lot more money, to provide something for your family, you want to upgrade, you want to get a second story, build a new home, buy a new home, sell your home, go somewhere, something else, a holiday, if you're doing that. This is a common thing for men. You're working and working. You're diving into that for your family. How are you selling them on that? Is it become a heated discussion? Is it just silence? You don't talk about it at all. And then one day the wife's had enough, it becomes a heated discussion. After the kids go to bed, you're fucking tired. It's Friday afternoon, Friday evening. She feels unloved, unfulfilled. She's got no social life. She's doing. She's just a boob for the kids. And you're just working. She doesn't see you at all. And all of a sudden, I'm fucking working. This is it. This is just the way it is. I'm just working, all right? Don't hit me with this shit. It's the end of the week, I'm tired. I had this, this, this, and you just explode. You think you're selling them, man. Like, what do you think's happening there? You think that's the outcome? You know, it's not. Everything comes and settles. Fuck, you've done it again. Or maybe it's too far gone. You become too bitter and jaded. You don't even see it that way anymore. Why she always on my back? She always hassling me. You got to sell them on it, on why they win, why everyone wins. Selling them on it isn't just saying, hey, I'm doing this so that we can have a fucking new house. No, no, no. Emotional attachments, logical pathway. You need to create emotional anchors inside of your marriage. The right anchor points. Anchor points are built off the vision. They're built off deadlines. Look, firstly, I appreciate you for sharing this with me. I'm very tired. It's Friday evening. But I do want to appreciate you bringing this up, because it's been on my mind as well, and you're not wrong. So what are you doing there? You're acknowledging them. You need to acknowledge them first, man. Don't just fucking dismiss their words. That's ridiculous. How would you feel if someone just dismisses your words? Work site, friends, family, parents. It's not a good feeling, is it? Acknowledgement. I'm building this into a course. Don't worry. I'm building this into a course for marriages because life is habits and skill sets. That's what we do. And marriage, communication, connection. That's a skill set. That's a skill set when you leverage time and energy to get the outcome and results where everyone wins. So this will come out together. But acknowledgement, then start communicating the picture by first seeing her perspective and then sharing your own. I can see that it's really hard. You've done an amazing job with the kids. Like, I'm really lucky to have you looking after them, given that I'm away so much and I don't like it. Like, it hurts me. I feel sad. I want to be there with the kids more. But also, at the same token, I'm tired, too, man. Like, I'm busting my ass. I'm hooking in. I'm not bringing to the table what I want in all areas. Just work. At the moment, that seems to be the only thing on my mind. And I don't want to keep doing this either. But what's important is when we made this goal 18 months ago that we want to build a new home or knock down Reba, and we're building towards this. It's a commitment we've made where I know that I'm the breadwinner, I'm bringing the money into the household, but it's something where we need to make sure we're both on the same team with, like, this is it, babe. This is what we need to do. But what we need to also do is make sure we're clear in communicating this to each other on where we're feeling so we're not just falling apart and falling down individually and together as man and wife. So you're acknowledging them and their perspective and position. You're sharing that you're connected to their perspective and position through sharing the hardships of your own and why you were doing it. But then you got to set Deadlines, man, they're powerful things. Look, let. Let's not this out over the weekend. Let's sit down, put the kids or send them to mom and Dad's or we'll get a babysit. Let's sit down, let's work out what we want. Because if we keep going this way, come September, we'll be in that position or 12 more months. It like when you give deadlines, it paints a picture of hope when you're a visionary. This is what we, what we're going to do, babe. Like, we're going to get this brand new house or we're going to go on this holiday. Like this is what we need to do. But when we're looking at the numbers and everything's going, I need to keep pushing here for another nine months. I know that doesn't sound good, but this is what I'm going to do to make up for it. At this point here, we're going to go away here. At this point there, we're going to go away for three days. At this point there, look, we will make it work. I'm not saying we should just ignore each other for nine months. So you need to paint deadlines, but also paint and influence why you are a worthy investment for your wife, why you're worthy investment for your wife to maintain the current state of connection and household the way that it is. Deadlines are powerful things. Paint that picture. Paint the compromises in between. What does that look like for you? You can't just sit back and go, yeah, look, I just got to work hard for 10 years and everything will be okay. Fuck, I would not expect anyone to stick around for that. I don't know why or how you would. You got to sell them on why they will win, why everyone wins. And when that directly involves you and your actions. It's why you're the leader. It's why you take that responsibility. But it's also why you need to influence and articulate the reasons why this is going to benefit them. At the same token, acknowledging some of the frustrations, hardships, or roadblocks that they put up for you, for themselves. Why are they going to win? What's their perspective? Okay, you've got a husband that's going to really work hard for the next nine months. You're not going to see him as much. Shit. What do you want? What do you want from me? You want to spend more time? Okay. You want more time away from the kids? All right, cool. You're stressed out, you're tired. No Worries. All right, awesome. I'm going to organize a cleaner, I'm going to organize babysitters. We're going to have some honey and handsome time, spend some time together. We're going to connect. You know what? Nothing happens Saturday, 2pm onwards. Every Saturday, no work, nothing. Just you and the kids when we get a babysitter, just you and me. So even though you've got that nine month deadline, you're selling her on why you can continually fill her cup. This is what I spoke about before. Like what's the 2.85% now? If I spend 200 minutes a week with my wife, three honey and handsome times 60 minutes each, 180 minutes, 200 minutes. 180 minutes out of 7,000 minutes. Round it up, round it down, doesn't matter. Even if I spend an hour with Corinne, 60 minutes out of 7,000 minutes a week. That couple of percent with quality, with undivided attention, with the right delivery and connection, with building our lives together and individually and selling her on what might be great for her from my perspective as an individual, just like asking her for her perspective for me as an individual, that's going to create great impact, man. Like that's the 1% with that level of quality that gives you breathing room and space for the 99% when shit hits the fan and you got to give a little bit more to your work at that period of time. But it must only be a period of time. It can't be something that just chronically goes on and on and on. Everyone has their breaking points. Everyone. Five points. The five steps to win your family over again. Give them your undivided attention when it comes to commitments and reorganizing certain elements of your life in family, self and service. Reposition, don't just replace. If it's important, including for yourself, reposition it. Don't just replace it and forget it. It's in the delivery. And the delivery in how you listen, how you speak, your body language, your posture, undivided attention. Reposition, don't just replace. It's in the delivery, in the way that you communicate and connect. When you're communicating and connecting, you need to see through their eyes. And if they can't see what's best for themselves through their eyes because they're eight years of age, or because they're triggered and emotional and crying, or because your wife is self sabotaging or top popping. This is why you're a fucking leader. You help empathize, acknowledge and then help suggest and reposition through asking Quality questions, not just giving statements through giving alternatives. Like when I talk about solution no, sometimes it's solution no to yourself and your belief system and your thought process. Fifth point, commit and follow through. That's a given. Like, you commit and you follow through. Because all of what I've just said means fuck all. If you don't follow through because you become a liar just like everyone else. And the world is full of liars. And when you're lying, it's because you don't feel like you're enough. You're lying about the past, you're lying in the now, you're lying about the future. You don't feel you're enough. You don't value yourself enough. So you need to prove yourself to others. You don't like who you are or who you were you. So you need to change who you were to others and to yourself. You need to shore up a story of bullshit that doesn't become true for those around you. That gets found out and then you get left in the lurch because no one cares about you anymore or values your word, which means no one shares with you, no one talks to you, no one connects to you. This is a large portion of the world, man. Lying, chronic lying. They don't even know they're lying anymore. Point five, commit and follow through. So when you're giving your undivided attention and you're focusing on quality delivery, and you might be reorganizing some of the family calendar and routines and structures and what you've committed to together, and you're constantly communicating on why it's important to do this, how it's going to benefit them, how it's going to benefit you. And you're being open and transparent about what you get out of whatever it is that you need to do, what they're getting out of, whatever it is they need to do, what you're both getting out of, whatever it is you're both doing, you fucking follow through, man. You make it reality, you make it truth, you make it real. When you do that, you become more believable. There's no greater power than having others believe in you. But that's only backed when you have that belief in yourself first. How could anyone believe in you if you don't believe in yourself? But when you put those two together, that's fucking amazing, you know, Like, I. I don't know how much of you guys believe in me or not. I'm not sure. That doesn't mean you need to come on board and give al Money to believe in him. Like, if you've still consistently listened to this for a period of time, there's got to be some sort of belief in the words I'm speaking that you apply to your life. This is for you. Don't worry about Al or Alex or high performance. Fuck. This is a message that essentially is a universal message that I've drawn in from so many men re articulated to cut away some of the filters and to dive deep into your heart and help you connect with maybe some things you can do a little bit better. Maybe some things you're already doing great at. This isn't Al's roasting podcast. I don't judge anyone, man. And I've said it before, I'll say it again. Life is fucking hard. But it's a great feeling. We'll be in Kosciuszko in a couple of weeks. It is a great feeling when my self belief in improving who I am, giving myself undivided attention and my family, repositioning, not replacing things that are important for me, as well as rippling and transferring that to my family. See these five points? When you apply them to yourself, you have a better set of eyes to then apply to your family. That's how you win them over again. When I'm delivering to myself better, I hardly ever shit talk myself. Used to a lot. Hardly ever, man. Sometimes I do it as a rev up. Like I'll be in a training session. Come on now, pick your fucking game up, mate. Get into it. Like I do that as a rev. I love that stuff. Like that's a motivational thing. Completely different psychology. When I'm training, I'll sell myself on why I'm winning and why everyone's winning, but I'll make sure I really gauge the actions so that it's true. It's not just a fantasy. Hey, this is a good idea. This will work. No, no, no. Show me the truth and I commit and follow through. That's a phenomenal feeling, man. Look, when I'm doing that to myself and I'm building that we're going to be causing the other men around me and the other men online all over the country, men who will never be part of the inner circle. But they love our podcast, they love our YouTube channel, they're part of our free group. When they see that belief in me, that's a byproduct of my belief in myself and turning up consistent and true stability. These podcasts, some weeks there's three episodes, I like to consistently do two. Some weeks there's three. But I'm stable. Everything you see from me is a place of stability. But it's not driving McLarens in suits with my wife in a mini skirt fucking wrapping around me. And I'm looking up to the sky. I'm the big fucking man, and she just wants to fuck my brains out like that. She cracks me up, man. Maybe there's a need for it in the corporate world. Maybe some coaches need that to. I don't know for some reason. But when you're tried and true in yourself, you don't need a lot of that. I'm not saying nice cars aren't nice. You don't need that at all. You don't need a lot of that in your life. You don't need that at all when it comes to promoting and sharing your message and who you are. But it's never a case of just be you. Because the you changes. Like, I'm not just staying as Al. Al's going to upgrade. Al's going to evolve. Al's going to change. But my principles and values always remain true. The path is true. The delivery, the approach, the skill sets. It keeps changing. Go back to my first steps. Completely different. I need to do it. I need to redo it. I was going to redo it. I was speaking to one of the guys. He said, don't. He said, leave it. Leave your first episode. Who is Alex Ranieri? I'm like, okay, maybe in a few episodes, because that's a big one. Takes a lot out of me. This one has too. They all do. I'm fucking tired, man. Look, I am exhausted after my podcast because I put so much energy into this, but it's worth it. It's incredible. I love doing it. But we'll redo it. Maybe for episode 180. Who is. Who is Alex Ranieri again? Who is Alex Ranieri in 2022? It's been a few years now. Raise that belief in yourself and you will raise and relate to those around you, but you will raise that belief in you from others. That's a very powerful asset to have. It is an asset because if it's people that you love and care about, you want that. You need that. I know I say you shouldn't use other people to validate who you are and external things. That's all true, but doesn't mean you're not connected to life. Of course you are. That's the reason why you push so hard, right? Your kids, your skin in the game. You're invested. This is important. For you is important. For me, the three young children, I want to stand up and be the man that can show them how to serve the world, how to serve myself, how to serve my wife in front of them, talking and hugging and communicating and laughing and like, how am I being a husband to his wife in front of my children? That's how you win your family over again. You feel like things are rocky, like things are tough. You just apply these right away, man, and you will see an immediate change. It's no quick fix. There's no magic bullets, no special words. I know I gave some good examples and I'm fast with that stuff because it's a skill set, which means, guess what? When you keep getting better, it keeps getting better. So whilst I still have collision and genuine great conflict with my wife, not great in magnitude, but it's great because there's a great outcome every time. Whilst I still have that with my wife. It's. It's very good, Very good. It's not uncontrolled. It's not outbursts and all this. It's. It's really fucking solid because I'm fast and deep and I've got that skill set because I've worked on that over time, time, time. Again you can too. I didn't talk to my wife like this and have this sort of shit a couple of years ago. Didn't even have this sort of stuff 12 months ago. This has accelerated crazily. Certainly didn't have it when my marriage was falling apart. If I did, marriage wouldn't have fallen apart, but then I wouldn't be here, would I? Give your undivided attention when it comes to commitments, reposition. Don't just replace if it's important. Focus on your delivery and how you're actually listening, how you're talking, how you're showing up, how your face looks. All that stuff, man, all that stuff. Your posture, your body language. When you're delivering or giving an idea, a statement or something that should be, should be done or can be done, make sure you're really selling them on it. And when I say that, make sure you really. What I mean is make sure you're really showing them why your idea is important for them and why they're going to benefit from their perspective. And check that shit out yourself first. Because if that doesn't hold true and that isn't the case, then don't suggest it, because why would they want it? What's in it for me? Right? That's not selfish. That's how we all operate. Everything we do, we do for ourselves. The stuff you do for your family is because of the significance you feel in providing for your family. Everything you do has some attachment to self importance. Everything. Jump in front of a speeding bullet to sacrifice yourself. You've created a preconceived idea that you are a hero in society's eyes by sacrificing yourself for the old person jumping in front of a bullet. Whether you're dead or not, you have created and future paced that shit for self importance even if you're not around to feel it anymore. It's already been lived in your head. So make sure you recognize why they are going to win and communicate that properly. Finally, commit and follow through. You apply those five steps man, I promise you you will have massive turnarounds without trying to be some sort of artsy, fancy romancing fucking all the other shit that people try and talk about and how you can just date your wife again and all. No, no. Just get the fundamentals right. Undivided attention, reposition. Don't replace. Focus on being present with your delivery and delivering properly with listening, talking, body language and posture. Make sure it's something where they understand you understand from their perspective and commit and follow through you apply those five steps, you're well on your way to winning a family over again and moving forward to have an amazing year not just for yourself, but for everyone you love and care about. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top Winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers mate.