175. 3 Things Make The Mans Life

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode Foreign. Three Things make the Man's life Welcome to this special episode. The reason why it's special is because this is a founding principle, a core part of the foundation of everything that we love, live and breathe as men, not just on the inside, not just our high performance father program. As men in your life, you must, you're going to get a huge amount of value out of this. You must understand and know exactly what this is. The three things that make your life. And it's also special because. Yeah, coming close to 200 episodes in I can't believe I never did this. I cannot believe I never did an episode on this. It's fucking crazy, man. It actually took a stranger to send me a message asking because I talk about it and it's laced into a lot of episodes. So it is, it's there and it will make a lot more sense. Probably more if I did it earlier, but nonetheless, here we are. Emailing me saying, or messaging me saying, oh, I don't like, what does this mean? You talk about family, self and service and circles. What does it actually mean? Can you break it all down? So here we are. This is what I love most. There is no L standing on a fucking pedestal preaching or with a speakerphone putting the arm out saying all fucking bow down to me. I've got all the answers. The answers come from you. The positioning comes from you. The direction comes from you. Member or not, this is what life is about. Immersing yourself in the right environment, being humble enough, having some fucking humble pie and some humility in life to know that you alone are not the answer for everything. You're the answer for yourself, for turning your life around, for controlling what you can control. But essentially there are three things that make your life and that's what we're going to be diving into today. This will probably not be a very long episode, but it's going to go deep, it's going to carve out a perspective. Well, it could be long if I do another 15 minute intro like I normally do, but I don't think I will today. We don't need to, but this is absolutely going to cut through to the core of you, man. Because these three things that make the man's life are often out of balance, out of whack. We're going to have a couple of visuals to help you understand, to help you see in yourself. Alex Ranieri. Maybe, maybe the front man. Maybe front man isn't the greatest term to use. I'm not sure. A front man like a news reporter, probably pretty fucking ignorant in some areas of life, who knows? But it's got nothing to do with my voice tonality. This is all symbolism and represented through working and connecting with thousands of fathers and hundreds of fathers on our inner Circle program, which has been fantastic. Like, it really, it really is. It really is incredible because when you have this realignment, this remembrance, you stay the course, you stay on track. It's not that I have an issue with a personal trainer. A life coach does a mix of things, but a life coach, but someone who's just directed one area. A marriage counselor, a psychologist, anyone in any specific field. It's not that I have an issue or problem with them. They provide a level of cause and effect. Here we go, here's the response. Here we go, here's the response. But when you have something just like events, you can't have some. This is the event and this is my Hail Mary. An event is the cream on top. An event is the pinnacle. That's why we call our cozy event, which I'm very excited for, reaching your new peak. Because it's a peak. It's not the foundation. It can't be because it's too short lived, it's too small. You can't have a counseling session even once a week, let alone once a month or once every three months. Marriage counseling once a month, once every three. You can't have that and think that shit's gonna turn your life around. It's not frequent enough. You need that peppering, man. You need that 1% every fucking day. That's why I love what Our program is you come on the Inside, you get 52 coaching sessions Sunday, charge up fucking direct with our man, where we are realigning you for the week ahead. You get 52 of those yet 365 days of a dream team in your corner. Like, when you put the big numbers together, it's fucking incredible. Like, it blows anything else away. And I'm proud of that and I'm humbled by that. But the reason why I can do this and be the voice is because it is the voice of the other men, and it's the voice of the men on the inside. It's the voice of what we all represent. And what we represent more often than not is a byproduct of what we pursue. And what we pursue in life more often than not is a byproduct of what we focus on. And what we focus on more often than not is what draws our attention and what draws our attention in actively. When it's not active, you're in trouble. Actively is stopping. Stopping the world slowing down, breathing, sitting back and going, what the fuck am I doing? What is the point of all this? Where am I going? What's important to me and why? Which is why in this episode, the three things that make the man's life, we're going to be talking about our founding principle. This is our fan. This is the number one. This is actually the very first principle that was ever born, created inside this movement. And that is the circles of significance. Three things make the man's life. Whilst there's complexities, there's different words that I speak. There's a vocabulary that gives you a range of cues that you can. Time to go fuck, yeah, that's the one. L, you know, get comfortable being uncomfortable. All this other shit, like these things that will pepper around you, actively engaging because subconsciously it's in there. One word for you might work for Bill, doesn't work for James. So when we have all of this, it's critical that you understand where this can take you and what's important for your life at a fundamental and simple level. Because the complexities, the noise, the messy, the chaos, it all becomes convoluted. And you don't know where you're going, what you're doing. So let's keep it very simple. The circles of significance. Three things make the man's life. Family, self and service. The end. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I'll see you soon. Three things make the man's life. Family, self and service. That's it. That is all that matters in your life. This is what we coin and what the term circles of significance is. I want you to visualize because we're going to go through a couple of. We're going to go through three different things here. I want you to visualize three visualizations. The very first one, three circles. The circle of self is at the top. You are the top. They are all connected, but you are the one that drives life. This is your life. So family is on the left, self is above, service is on the right. But they're all overlapping, which means I want you to visualize this. There's a small little point right in the middle that has all three. That's the fucking bullseye, man. That is hard to hit. Most good men will get two. Average to good men will get one. One to two. They're amazing itself. You got fucking six pack of abs and you're just dominating life from a health point of view. But you've provided f all value to the world and you neglect your family so you can get on stage at 3% body fat. That's just an example of an extreme. But that's my point. Just like family. You're a great family man, but you're 160 kilos and you're not going to be around for very long. Which means the length of being a family man is shortened. And that inhibits your ability to have clarity, focus and performance at work. Obviously your energy's down or you could be amazing at work. You've got lots of money, but you've sacrificed your family and your health. Good men will get two great men. Great men. Hard to do. I don't see it ever done alone. I've never seen it done alone. That's why I don't like self made personal success. Yeah, absolutely self made. I mean that doesn't exist anyway. No one comes walking, talking out of the womb, wiping their own ass. Right? Different stages and phases of life. You need help. You need someone to help you and guide you for different areas, different things, but essentially all three very hard. That's the bullseye. It's only a small little piece. They're all overlapping. These three circles are overlapping. That's a very small piece in the middle. But you can hit it. And when you hit it, that will yield a phenomenal life and the biggest return on investment you can have with time and energy. We'll put this into another episode, but it's really interesting. We came up with a formula for connection. Time plus energy over skill sets equals connection. And I'm Going to do an episode on that and then start to build out our relationships. Communication and connection course, which will be fantastic. I can't wait to roll that one out. But essentially, that's a really powerful thing to understand. Time and energy, two things you never get back, was my point. What are you doing with that time and energy? To develop skill sets, to connect. Because connection isn't just with your wife. It's not just with your children. The greatest connection, everything builds off and will build off. Starting with the greatest connection you can, will, and should have, which is your connection to yourself. So to hit family, self and service, three overlapping circles, you might hit two. So it might be family and service. They're overlapping. That's a bigger spot. So you can hit it. One circle is even bigger on its own. You can hit that easy. All three got to be accurate, man. Accuracy, pillars of progress, one of our other principles, you know, how well are you doing it? So precision plus purpose equals progress. That's one of those two pillars. Precision. How well are you doing it? Purpose. Why are you doing it? So you really need to develop yourself, man, if you're going to hit all three, it's very fucking hard. Very hard. And sometimes I'll dip in and out. I hit three very consistently, but I'm not immune. I'm not perfect. This ain't no set and forget. It's not a set and forget in life. Yeah, I've got them all. I'm all good now. It's why I love being part of this movement myself. The men inspire me. They drive me. You know, whether it's our my zone effort points and some of the guys are getting fucking thousands of points. I'm like, shit, I got to catch up. Or some of the guys doing their revelations shares. Some of our newer members doing introduction written pieces, which are really nice and heartfelt. Other guys doing videos just as cool. Great to see their faces. This is such an inspiring thing to be part of. It helps me remember what's important inside of my own life. It helps me bring up the mirror because there's no way in the world that I will ever be a fucking hypocrite. Like so many people out there, especially coaches or people in the service industry that don't practice what they preach, you're gonna find really tough as well to swallow if you're coaching and leading men, but you're copying my stuff. You are a fucking weak man in your actions. I'm not gonna say you're a weak man forever or judge you for it, but Your actions are piss weak. Like, how can you be leading, how could you claim to lead other men in a movement when you're copying someone else's shit? Like, that's fucking crazy, man. That's crazy. It doesn't mean I'm better than anyone else, but I just don't, I don't copy anyone else. I can't. Why would I, I would lose. All you see is the tip of the iceberg. We get our fathers, they come on the inside. They're like, fuck, man, this is, this is unbelievable. Like what you guys are actually doing. I'm like, yeah. Like how do you, how do you put what we actually do once you're in the inside and how intensive this program is and how we help you with your life and everything else that's important tied into your life, where you specifically for what you need with the one to one with the multiple coaches. How do I put that into a 20 minute video or a one hour webinar or a podcast? You can't. You can't, man. That's what I love about the guys taking that step. But this is why we are here from the inside out. So whether it's business, coaches, psychologists, other coaches of men who they might have their own pathway or they might copy or model us, you must not be someone who lacks an integral life. Integrity can come and go, but integral life, and that's what I love about us. I get more than enough value, information and direction from the men I work with, which means the tribe continually develops with men who are cut from the same cloth. Which means when I'm practicing what I preach, it's all done with the best interested heart of the men, inspired through the men, which inspires me to stay the course and continually turn up as a leader as well. All leaders, they're not followers even. You listening to this now? You're not a follower. I fucking hate that term. Like, you're not following me. You're a leader who's diving into what another leader has to say, who's speaking on behalf of many other fucking leaders who've done well in their life and are doing well. The end. Like I said, no pedestals. You may see me, respect me, hear me, develop trust and build and we have this connection, this relationship, even if we never even meet. Fantastic. Awesome. That's exactly why I can do this. Because I'm connecting to you. Even if I never even meet you. I fucking know you're out there, man. I know you're out there. One day maybe you'll work with us. Maybe you won't, but I know you're out there. This is providing value for you. This will turn the tide. This will change the course of your life through different actions and things you can be inspired by through these words, the words of many, not just mine. Turn your life around and get all three, because you need that. And it starts with you from the inside out. It really does. Don't go. Spend 100 grand on a car and go, this is fucking tangibly viable. Because I can see a car and it drives and it gets me from A to B. Then look at yourself, your own life, the vessel of life, the creator, the creation in you. Because you are a creator. We're all creating. I'm creating this episode right now. You are, you are a creator in your life. You're creating always. And when you're not creating, you're destroying or you're creating destruction. But it's true. Don't look at yourself, most valuable asset and go, yeah, well, no, I'm not worth it. You are worth it. This is your life. And this is why the circles of significance is one of the most powerful things you will ever have. Because it's all connected to you. First visual, three circles all overlapping. The middle ones, the bullseye. Hard to get, but you can have all three. Never seen anyone do it alone. Even wizards and billionaires and all those. Okay, well, cool. How's the rest of your life going? How's your health going? Okay, you have got it all lined up. Did you just get there on your own? Of course you didn't. You had mentors, coaches, a team around you. But the difference between picking like a buffet, all these little different bits and pieces is having someone who's completely invested in your life for the professionals and experts around you, who are also completely invested in your life, to hit everything on the head the way it needs to be done, and connecting all the dots. I know one of the members said the other day, it's a one stop shop. I think of cheap when I think of that term. But I get what they're saying and I do agree, but it's just, it's a funny term. All three men, family, self and service Self is the higher circle. They're all connected, they're all overlapping, which means there's an overlap in the middle of all three. That's your bullseye. But I want you to think of it this way. And we'll do two more visualizations. I know I've done the rubber band and I've said that before, but we'll finish on that. But this other one is. Imagine that you've got the three cups and there's one cup at the top, just like the circles. And that one cup is you itself. And the base of that cup, because you know there's a base. Think of a wine glass, let's put it that way, a wine glass. The base of the wine glass at the top is sitting on two other wine glasses. So you've got like a little triangle, little pyramid. You've got your wine glass at the top, which is self. You've got the wine glass bottom left, bottom right, which is family and service. Now imagine that you're standing next to that and you're holding two jugs. One has a big T on it and one has a big E on it. Those jugs are filled with water and the water is represented as T for time. So the jug of tea is time and the jug of E is energy. Again, two resources you never get back. Yes, you're still living. You'll have more time. Yes, you'll sleep and wake up, you'll have more energy. But when they're wound and bound together, it's done. You are never going to get January 1st, 2022 back ever, ever again. I can't believe it's the 20th of. It's the 20th of the month, man. Like, that's fucking crazy. We've only got 11 days of the month left. I remember saying, a few more days, we'll be halfway through the month. Fuck, we're nearly done. Two thirds are gone. Like that. That's insane. So, yes, you'll fill T and E with more water. But when you're pouring that water, it's done. You're not recycling it. You're drawing water from somewhere else. And that somewhere else is finite. It's not a magnificent mountain that's trickling water forever. You might die at 53, 42, 67. You don't fucking know when you're gone. I don't know when I'm gonna die, too, which is why I go all in on life. I honestly don't know. Like, I would be. I would be sad because I feel like I've got so much to give and there is such little time. This is the thing, right? It's not that you can't achieve everything you want to. You and I are just gonna run out of time. Even if you live to be a hundred. It's fucking scary, man. Like, I don't live in fear, and I certainly don't push it onto anyone. Like the news does, but I don't live in fear. But shit, man, like, that is scary. You don't have enough time to do everything you want to do, let alone fucking around, wasting on things you don't want to do. This is why the circles of significance is so powerful. And I'll say why we call it significance in a minute. You've got your three cups, the wine glass, three wine glasses. The self is at the top. Here's the weird thing, though. The cup of self, the wine glass of self has two little holes drilled into it, left and right, and it's only about a third of the way up, so it's not like they're holes at the top. Once you start pouring into self and you cover a third of that wine glass, a third of that cup, it starts emptying, and it starts emptying out symmetrically and perfectly into service and into family. You've got three wine glasses. As you pour with the jugs of T and E in your hands, you're standing next to it. As you pour into that cup of self, it naturally will pour into family and service to fill that cup. Here's the problem, though. A lot of you men don't even pour into self. Or you pour into self halfway up, and then again, it slowly depletes into service and family, and then your cup's 75% empty. Well, you know, if we went a third, it's two thirds empty. You're operating at 30%, 33.3%. Problem is, you don't even pour into self. You're like, oh, shit, I missed the mark here. No, I didn't. I actually meant it. I'm pouring into service. So you're just pouring T and E into service. That motherfucker's filling up. It's overflowing. But where's that going? That's at the bottom, man. Which means there's just shit going all over the floor. It's just waste. Like, you're pouring into that cup, and it's just overflowing in service. So you're pouring the cup, and it's overflowing in family, but it's just wasted because that's going nowhere. It's going nowhere. It's almost like you're out in the sunshine doing this. And slowly, over time, the liquid inside of family and service will evaporate. But if you pour in a self with the holes, it evaporates at an accelerated level. If you don't pour into self at all, you. You've got nothing in self. This is the Hard part, man. You're pouring into family, you're pouring into service. Maybe bouncing between the two. All of a sudden you look up, you're like, oh, fuck, man, my cup's empty. It's like dry and dusty. There's like some little fucking daddy long legs in there that started to create his own little web to catch some flies. Like, what is going on, man? This is you. You're drying up, you're burning out, you're dying. The default of life is loss. It's decay. Like you're not a compost heap, right? Just. Just to slowly turn into mulch or some other shit that you just can't even recognize anymore. You need to continually invest and fill your cup if you are to be able to fill and pour into others, whether subconsciously through the two drilled holes that are just naturally flowing because you're a fucking better man. You're operating at 70, 80, 90, 100%. Or because you're pouring into time and energy. And as that's coming out of those two holes that are drilled into family and service, it's now overflowing over the edge. But guess what? If you overfill and overflow into self, it's naturally going to go into family and service. But here's the hard part. When I talk about guys, narcissist or not, your cups are on your own. There is no family and service cup, and you've plugged those holes too. So you just pour in yourself and that's. It just sits there. That's not the point. It's why I create this visualization that there are two little holes. So as you pour into yours, you can. You're naturally pouring to others because you're a fucking leader. You're a real man who's providing for his family in time and energy and then financial stability by adding value and service to the world, but then providing value and service to the world because you're dominating that circle of service. That's the second visualization. Imagine you've got a wine glass at the top. The base of the wine glass is sitting halfway along two other glasses, which means as you pour, the two drilled holes are pouring from the energy and time of self to give more to family and service. As it overfills from self, it overfills into family and service. If you need to pour sometimes and change left, right, a little bit, pour into service, pour into family. No worries. You might do that sometimes, but you got to keep your eye on the prize. And the prize is you. And the prize is not Lowering below those two drilled holes, otherwise you're fucked and you've got nothing. You will dry out, you will burn out. Let me be clear here. Like, service is your work. It's not necessarily just volunteer or charity work that may form a part of the way that you serve or add value to the world. Is it the greatest part? Maybe, maybe not. But does it come at a cost of your family? Like if you do charity work and that's all you do, 40, 50, 60 hours a week, that's fucking amazing. But is that especially if there's no financial reward because of the monetary planet we're living on and the way that trade and service works, is that though coming at a cost of yourself and your family? Maybe. So, yes, service can include charity work and volunteer work, assisting, assistance, all that sort of stuff. But essentially, service is your business. Service is your work, your career, your job. What you're doing to add value to the world, what you're doing to add value to that which is outside of yourself and your immediate inner circle, AKA family, close friends, loved ones. That's what family is. Family, self and service. Family is your inner circle, man. That's your little tribe, that's your mini tribe. Self clearly is you physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. That's all of you inside and out. What's happening in your internal reality and your external reality, which is why we create a shift in identity. It's not just, here's a training plan, his nutrition, his mindset, here's how you help build your relationships up, here's how you communicate. No, no. Here's how you shift your identity. Here's how you create championship habits. Identity. Very simple, man. Doesn't mean it's easy. It's a choice internally that's backed as truth. Externally, that's all it is. That's an internal choice. This is who I am. Okay, well, let's realize that and back it up and make it truth in the external world, in the real world. So when we're looking at family, self and service, all three are important. With service, yes, it's your tribes, it's your communities, it's your work, it's your business, how you add value to the world with the family, yes, it's legacy. It's your children who will be here, who will be representing parts of you when you're dead. That's what I look at. I know I said that with another episode. I'm like, man, I want to live for like at least 500 years. And it's not me, it's What I symbolize. Because they won't even know me. Like, my great, great, great grandchildren won't be going, fuck. Alex is just amazing, you know, Great, great, great granddad fucking Al. Like, what a legend. They don't even know me, and they won't even know that inside of them is me. Isn't that the fascinating part? Like, we look at life. Why? Like, it's actually the last question in our Kosciusko journal. Because I got special journals made up for the event. Why are you even doing this? What's the point? And when I wrote that, and we're getting them printed right now as we speak, I asked myself, I was like, what's the point, man? What's the point of doing a podcast episode like this? What's the point of, you know, why don't I just run her dad's Strong Australia store and just pump that? And I mean, what I'm doing here, there's gonna make way more fucking money with other things, with the skill sets I have. But I was like, yeah, but is that what you want out? Like, do you want to just. You just make heaps of fucking money and have nothing else to show for. Like, this is the crazy part of the world, right? There are people that are. That are very financially wealthy, but because wealth is. And the exchange of money is a perception of value, their shit adds fuck all value to the world. In fact, it destroys it. Look at, like, you could have an app developer, and there could be apps that takes your children away and gives on tech neck where they got shit fucking posture and they disconnect from their family. And these people are fucking squillionaires. So money alone isn't the game. Because perceived value on people with different addictions, chemical addictions, technology addictions, it's not. It's not good. So when I read that question, I was like, well, it's exactly what I said to you then. I want to live for 500 years. One day I will be dead, and maybe that means nothing that's happening in this world is my problem, Because I'm consciously not here. Maybe it doesn't. Who knows? But shit, man, why not? Like, what's the alternative? If I don't strive to create a legacy and build something that I can literally see as I age, as I start to wind up my life, I can see it living, like, what better feeling as a grandfather, even as a great grandfather, to see little ones and be like, fucking, I have a look at them. Have a look at that life that's there because of me. But then have a look at that life that's there, not just surviving, but thriving because I contributed. Not just because of me. Here I am. Where's my. Was my. Was my brass statue, but bronze statue. I'm not sure what they're made out of. Rocky statue in Philly. I'm actually a part of their life and I have been for such a long time through my genetics, through my DNA, through their parents. Their parents. Parents, like, which are my children. That's incredible, man. Like, how could that not make pushing shit uphill worth it? Because if you didn't have something like that to strive for, why the fuck are you even here? Why am I? What are we doing? And that's. That's a. That's a real thing. Like, that's pretty heavy when I look at that. I'm like heavy and light at the same time. Like, fuck yeah. Game on, man. I've got time, I've got life. Let's go time and energy. Let's create skill sets, let's develop, let's connect, let's build experiences. Got the caravan heading up to foster tomorrow. It's going to be fucking amazing. I can't wait. The kids have their little sleeping bags and I get a picture from them just in the lounge room with their sleeping bags, pretending to sleep. I'm like, man, have a look at these kids literally through having this big beast of a thing also called Big Red out the front, ready to go. I'm not even there. I'm here doing this podcast. And their trajectory on their life, their experiences, and what they're doing on January 20th has changed and they're enjoying it and having fun. That's insane. Think about that, man. So when you're looking at the circles of significance, each one of those gives you a specific and unique level of significance. Let's roll through all the words. Value, appreciation, contribution, reward, meaning, purpose, fulfillment, all the same fucking thing. Maybe slight variances. You pick one that applies to you. All of those are the opposite of regret, the opposite of waste. It equals growth. It equals evolution. I'm here to evolve. Are you? Are you really? Evolution doesn't include technology. I'm here to evolve and leave a footprint of a higher level of energy expressed in a ripple effect that can carry through regardless of what my career or profession might be. Just like yourself. It's irrelevant. It starts in your own house. It starts inside of your own house. Inside of yourself. The little voice inside, the self sabotage, all the other shit that cuts you down, say no to that focus on what you do want, not what you don't want. And what you do want is to apply yourself at the highest level, to be a high performance father. To have all three circles of significance, all three cups filled, filling, refilled continuously, as consistently as possible. Because they're all different. The significance I get speaking this now in hq, in the office, on my own, with no one else around, into a microphone. The significance I get in helping these men. The significance I get in being part of their journey. Part of your journey. My wife could never give me that. Clean and jerking 150 kilos and lifting heavy weights could never give me that. Playing with my children could never give me that. They can't. My children cannot give me the type of significance. They just can't that I get from working with you. Because it's different. Just like when I'm looking into my children's eyes and watching them create, watching them learn, discover, explore, experiment. No amount of fucking muscle ups and handstand walks and cool shit I can do for a big guy. No amount of men's lives that I change and create can measure up to be the same. It's not that one's better or worse. They're all important. And you might go, well, no, no, Family's more important. Well, yeah, maybe. If you square family away and yourself away, what does that give you? It gives you leverage to dive in and create change in the world which you fucking love, man. You know that like, some of you might not like your work or your job, but when you can apply value to the world, helping strangers, anything, you know, that's a different type of feeling. The significance I get from my children is unmatched in other areas. Different. Just like the significance in myself knowing that I am a powerhouse. I'm strong, healthy, very fit, I can perform. I look after myself like that's something that I get. That's me. That's me for me. No one can replace that. Nor should they. Not possible. Three different types of significance. The reason why I like the circles is because they all overlap. Yes, the wine glass visualization is good. And sound. And yes, the final one to wrap this up is also very solid because it's going to help you understand the pitfalls to avoid. This is all that makes your life, man. Don't overcomplicate it. Which brings us to our last piece. To take a quick sip, keep the cotton mouth at bay. Juggling. I know I did an episode on balance. I've done two actually. And balance is layered into a lot of our episodes. Too. Whilst balance doesn't exist, Life is a balancing act. We know that A balancing act means that there's stabilization required, which I love. I love that word, stability, because stability is a representation of action. You're stabilizing unstable ground. And there's always unstable ground, whether it's your wife, your children, your work, the environment, always still recorrecting, readjusting. You are balancing, not balanced, not just fixed in an upright position. You're balancing, which means when we look at these circles, we can then look at them as balls. 3D spheres. Ah, fucking. I'll have fun doing this. Man, this is so good. I really enjoy this. Thank you for your ears. Juggling. A juggling act. You're juggling these balls. Family, self and service. I want you to imagine and visualize that. And I know I've said this before, but this is relevant because this entire episode is about this. Visualize these balls where the core of them is glass, but not like a marble. Much weaker. It's glass and it's beautiful glass. It's pure, cuts through to the heart, and then almost encased around that, as if it were, you know, molten lava that forged itself around this glass is rock. That rock's heavy. You don't notice that it's heavy because you've got the coil and the spring of that which wraps around that, which could be a hundred, let's say 100 rubber bands. So you've got glass at the core. You've then got rock, and then you've got rubber bands that are bound or wound around each ball, and there's a hundred of them. So you're juggling. And when you're juggling this juggling act, you might be under the pump, distracted, have to apply more focus. You throw one ball a bit higher than the other, so be it. So you might let the ball of family drop. No worries, because it's rubber band. Hundred of them, there's rubber bands around them. It'll bounce straight back up and get back in the flow. Cool. But if you drop it and you let it bounce, it might bounce. And on the third or fourth or fifth or eighth or twelfth bounce, it's worn some of the rubber bands down. So you might bounce it once and nothing happens. Three times, nothing happens. But on the 10th time, one rubber band snaps off because you're doing this on concrete or on the road on gravel, right? It's cutting away. It's cutting away at the rubber bands, which means if you drop it once. Cool. There it is. It's bounced back Up. I'm on again. Juggling all three. Juggling all three. I drop service, bang, back up, drop self, bang, back up. But if you let it bounce a few times, you start to lose bands. And it takes longer to build the band up than it does to wear it down. That can be reversed if you're part of a coaching program. Not that you have to join ours, but I'm just saying when you have the right pathway, coaching and environment, yeah, you can build quicker. Of course, we're helping men with 15 years of chronic pain and challenges and hardships turn that shit around in 12 months. But yes, if you're on your own, what's the answer? How would you even know? So you're dropping these balls. Unfortunately, the hardest part is a lot of you. Like I said, a lot of men go from average to good, average to reasonable. They're juggling one to two balls, so there's always one hitting the ground. I'm juggling family and service. Where's that? Oh, the ball of self is behind me. I didn't even see it. Shit, it's only got 40 rubber bands left on it. All of a sudden you're juggling family and service drops down. There's extra stress, financial pressure, other things, leaving job in between jobs. Or you're juggling service, family's dropping shit. Family has 60 rubber bands, self has 30 rubber bands. And I'm just juggling with two hands, this one ball and throwing this fucker in the air. And that's all I'm doing. Service, work, money, performance. It's familiar. So when I want to escape life, I go back to work. When I have arguments with my wife or with the children, I'm having challenges. Things I don't control, I think I should control mainly myself. I go back to work. When I want that significance and fulfillment and that hit of dopamine of achievement, reward, I go back to work because it's all I fucking know. So it's all I do, which means it's all I keep doing, which means all of a sudden I'm juggling this one ball with two hands. So it's a piece of piss and I'm fucking dominating. But where's self and family? Oh, they're both behind you now. Shit, One's rock. Well, it's not gonna bounce, so I gotta bend over and break me back to pick the fucker up. And now I'm juggling this thing that now feels heavier. I can feel the weight, it's not springy. Shit. Self is just laying there It's a little glass ball. All right, well, I'll pick it back up, but it's shit, man. If I drop this one and it shatters, I'm fucked. And you are. And you will break down mentally, physically, or emotionally or spiritually. Just completely disconnected from life. Heart attack, nervous breakdown, anxiety creeps in. Now it's just the norm. Shooting through the roof, sleep apnea, chronic fatigue, you're fucked. Blurry vision. It's almost like you're standing on one leg now instead of two. You've got one eye closed and you still got to keep juggling. That's heavy, man. That's really hard. That is really hard. And a lot of you men, you might be on somewhere between 10 and 50 rubber bands. Maybe one of those balls is rock, maybe one or two a glass. When you're healthy across all three and you're giving love and nurturing all three through the first and primary ball circle and wine glass, you, you won't have to go back to what I just shared because you might be there right now, or you might have been there in the past and you remember listening to this. You don't have to go back to there ever again. You've got the formula, you've got the code, but unfortunately a lot of men don't know the code or have the formula. And this is where breakdowns happen. And you just, you throw your hands in the air or you're washing your hands of the divorce that's around the corner going, oh, well, fuck is what it is, right? 50% of the country, 46 years of age, done. Don't just be another number, man. You don't have to be. Go upstream, go to the source. Three years, five, eight years ago. Fuck, three months ago. Very time sensitive. Like some of our guys, some members. And members will be listening to this. They come and it's poor, man, It's a fucking knife's edge. And. And it's hard because I'm like, fuck, man, you followed me for nine months. You left it to. Now this is, this is their choice. But to their credit, at least they took the step. And to their credit, a lot of them, we've reconciled and turned around, which is fucking awesome. Even some of them, when there's already been a separation of living arrangements. But this is the point, man. All three hinge around who's juggling them. And that's the irony of it all, because you're juggling the ball of self. But you are self. You are you, but the person and the man who's juggling that is actually pulling out from a third view, a third person perspective, a bird's eye view. That's your consciousness. That's who you really are. That's your deep down at the crux, at the core, who you are. You're juggling yourself in this world, in this reality called life, which means you have that wisdom, you have that awareness. For a large portion, you have the answers. Whether you're lacking formulations or codes, you have the answer. Sometimes the answer is find out and get that formula or code, get that support, get that tribe, get that coaching. But that's the irony of all of this. It's all you. So the man is juggling himself, himself, and the man is juggling family and service. It's not a pendulum. You can't swing one way and then just come hard back to the right. Doesn't work that way. Too much damage is caused. Might not swing back, might get stuck. It's almost like a bit of a zigzag. I remember seeing that. It might have been the book. The one thing with Gary Keller. He's awesome. I really do like him. I connect with a lot of his stuff. If I was ever going to suggest two books or audiobooks. Absolutely. The One Thing by Gary Keller and Free to Focus by Michael Hyatt. Endow book when it comes out soon, of course. But yes, Free to Focus is pretty powerful too. Very fucking simple, but so good. It's on you, man. It starts and ends with you. So all the dads who act like victims and fucking castrate me and say you're blaming dads and you're judging and then they say it all on my Facebook ads. They're damaged, they're hurt. I get that. I feel for them. They cannot see. What they don't understand is I'm not saying you're the problem. I'm saying you're the fucking solution. This is you. You can do something about it. Don't sit back and say, what about women? I hope you do this for women as well. Fuck that. I'm not doing this for women. I'm doing this for you. I'm doing this for men. This is why I'm here. I'm not here to fucking coach mums and I don't want to. I'm here to coach men, to help fathers. You and I both know in many areas the system is fucked. Let's bring the needle back, but let's do it through ownership. Let's do it through controlling what we can control. Not saying the system's fucked and whinging about it. Let's do what we can to go upstream. Prevention better than cure. Responsibility. One of the fathers gave this to me. We did a business boardroom session earlier in the week. And like I said, I'm always learning, always open. It's just a part of what I do now that subconsciously listening for cues. And one of the guys mentioned retaining and retention. I was like, fuck. It's. He's talking about his team, working with his team. And it just hit me. Responsibility equals retention. Hard part was, was burning him out. He's taking on too much responsibility. Build trust. Let them go. Let them go and make their own failures, mistakes, course correct them and lead and guide them. You can't always change nappies and hold hands. But it's so true, man. Responsibility equals retention. So when you take responsibility over something, mainly yourself, you're going to retain what it is you're taking responsibility over. Which means your time, your energy, your skill sets, what you're doing, your actions are yours with more impact, more reward, more better results. But this is the hard part. Maybe you're retaining things you shouldn't. Maybe you're taking too much responsibility. I'm not here to save my children. They don't belong to me. I'm responsible for them right now as they get older. But I'm here to make them strong in the world. I'm not here for safety and safety alone. I'm not here for security and security alone. Yes, I probably provide that in subtle, subconscious, various ways. But I'm here to make them stronger because there's going to be times when I'm not around and they need to be strong. There's going to be times when I can't save them and they'll save themselves. Same goes for all of us, man. You're saying yes to some things with responsibility, which means your attention's too big. You're too much on your plate. Too big. Your shoulders aren't big enough. No one's are to carry all the fucking load. But then that means you're saying no to your own responsibilities. Just like a little hessian bag in the fucking corner that's wound up in a little bundle and it's got your name on it. You're like, oh, what the fuck's in that? I haven't seen that one for a while. Haven't picked that one up. It's easier, isn't it? It's easier to help other people and their problems. Because when you're helping other people and their problems, you don't need to focus on your own problems anymore. And you get that little time where you feel like you're greater than what you are because you're helping someone else with their problems, which means it takes the focus off your own problems. I get that. I mean, that's essentially what we're doing here, solving problems. But I always make sure I clean my own fucking house first. And I look after myself. This is the point. You are juggling all three balls. You might let them bounce, pick them back up. Pick them back up in the rhythm because they're bouncing. When they become stone, definitely pick them up. You fucking have to, man. Don't leave them on the floor. And you juggle. And it's a juggling act. So how do we get better at juggling? Well, through time and energy, develop your skill sets, develop awareness, develop better habits. Say no to the shit that doesn't serve you. Sedation, drugs, alcohol, television, technology, porn, all this stuff takes your energy away. Think about this for a second. With pornography, right? If the shit's free, you're the product. Let's have a look at the world and let's say. Let's just say one. There's 1 billion men who are in an age range. I mean, we both know it would be more for sure, but there's 1 billion men between 14 and 50 who are in an age range with the ability and capacity to look at porn. And they watch it for 10 minutes. That's 10 billion minutes. A billion seconds is 33 and a half years. A million seconds is 11 days. A billion is a big number. So a billion seconds is 33 years. A billion minutes would be 33 times 60, right? Which means we're looking at. Fucking hell. That's insane. 1800 years. So when you're breaking these numbers down, think about that. Think about that for an energy exchange. That's fucking crazy, man. Worldwide. Worldwide, strong men are getting weak because they're putting fucking generations, thousands of years of energy into shit that gives them what? A stress release? A chemical hit of dopamine or some other shit that hormonally rebalances you like. You gotta be careful, that stuff, man, Sedation, distraction, whoever's putting that shit out there for free is weakening you. Weakening men. The world needs strong men. Not judging you for it, but something to check yourself on. Big lesson for me as well, to break free from all that shit and go, what the fuck is this doing, man? Look, I don't want to be watching this shit. That's one 10 minute example could be 3 days a week for 20 minutes, 5 days a week for half an hour. Sedation and distraction is sucking the fucking life out of you. And when you're saying yes to that, you're saying no to life itself. Don't waste time or time will waste you, man. Like it's that simple. It is that simple. You can't have that if you don't build and develop self. This is, these are the circles of significance. Family, self and service. And what you say yes to in self, in a genuine way of leadership that has a ripple effect to those that you love and care about, means you are naturally, subconsciously through the holes that are drilled as well as overpouring into you, filling your cups of family and service. When you're juggling and you're keeping the rubber tight and you're not letting the ball drop five or more times, you are looking after yourself, your family and the value you add to the world. This is critical. Like you tell me, you tell me which boss, which customer, which business, which wife, which child would sit there and let you say to them, hey, just let me make fucking millions of dollars, everything will be okay. I'm just going to ignore you for 15 years. But then after that I'm just going to spend time with you for 15 years straight. Nothing else. That's why balance doesn't exist, man. You know that doesn't exist. You know that doesn't work. It's the top ups. It's the top ups and the zigzags. It's why it's really tough. And I feel for a man. It's tough for guys like fifo. It's tough for guys who spend time away on night shift workers or have different situations and circumstances. Mate, I feel for you because you're away for seven days. But when you come back, you and I both know you don't just spend seven days completely saturating your family, do you? You're fucking sick of each other after three. You don't even know what rhythm to uphold. You don't even know what to do. What about your time? You've just been working for seven days and now the family wants you for seven days. Where's your one day that's hard? Shit, man. Whether you're FIFO or not, all of you need to understand this, including myself. Healthy no's. And sometimes my wife will call me and I'm in deep work or doing stuff. I'm at the office, I don't answer or I let her know, hey, my phone's off today from 10 till 2. If you really need to reach me in an emergency, send me something on messenger. I don't have messenger or Facebook on my phone, but I've got it on the computer and I'll see it. Emergency. This is where all of the episodes we do healthy boundaries, yes and no's mentality maketh for man. These episodes, the judge, the victim and the one, the Viking and the panda, all of this become character traits, tools, resources for you to apply to what is the underpinning foundation of your entire life as a man, which is heightened 100x when you go from man to father in that which makes your life, which is the circles of significance. Three things, that's all that matters. Family, self, and service. That's all that makes your life. That's all that makes mine. That's all that'll ever matter. Keep those circles tight. Keep them together. Don't let little fucking bubbles come in and try and weed their way through and just overlap and all of a sudden you got fucking eight circles and all this other shit that doesn't matter. That's it. That's all you need. And I guess the next question, because we're big on action plans, might be, well, how? How do I nail this? How do I do this? Listen to the other podcasts. Be strong with what you're doing with time and energy. Healthy nose, boundaries, time block, set up restrictions, delete the taskbar, all those little fucking things that are popping up. Clear your desk, get rid of the clutter, set up automatic emails when you need to. I'm out of the office. I'll get back to you when I can. Batch your emails. Just hit them Tuesdays and Fridays. Let your customers, clients and your workers know that, like, protect your time, look after yourself and your energy. All of that stuff's important. Like, you value all of that high energy. Get time back. Build that capacity mentally and physically to perform. That's your physical health, that's your training. Dive into HPF episodes. All of that is going to help you have a bigger gas tank to be able to perform and fuel to drive what's important for you with where you're spending the large amount of time and energy you now have. Because you've gotten time back. You are its master. You've got a high level of energy again. You're not depleted now you can pour, which means you set up your timetable. You do experiences with your family, you create dadventures with the kids, you create honey and handsome time with the wife. You train, you walk, you Create space for yourself. You can do all of that shit, but you can't apply all this if you don't have this. Which is why I'm actually grateful to that man. Reached out and said, hey, man, what about this? Because we never did an episode on it, but here we are. That's our founding principle of Real Dave Movement and what it is to be a high performance. Father, Family, self and service. I hope this episode has added a lot of value to your life. To finally see why you can put family first by doing yourself first. That's my biggest argument to a lot of people. Not family first. Yeah, of course, of course. Well, fucking put your family first, mate, by putting yourself first to be 100%. So they're getting that. Don't be some martyr that's giving 100% or 40% to your family. You're selfish. How dare you? You think you're sacrificing? You're sacrificing your family? You think. You think you're the man because you're giving your family more? You're giving them fucking 40%, mate. What the fuck is that? Fix that shit up right now. Make yourself better first so you can give them 100%. Otherwise you're a fucking liar. You're not giving them what they deserve. It's pretty powerful, isn't it? That's a bit of a different perspective. I tell you what, I haven't had anyone prove me wrong on that one yet. Because it's a mathematical equation. It's truth. It's an absolute. Now think about that one next time you sit on your hands and go, no, I'm doing plenty for the family. Are you? Are you the best you can be? Well, that means your family's not getting. It's a hat. That's all you're doing. Whose head does it go on? Service. That's a hat, Father. That's a hat. Husband. That's a hat. Whose head is that going on? Always. Always has and always will be on yours. Take care. Apply action to this. Listen to the other episodes. Family, self and service. That's it. Three things make your life. And I'll tell you what, What a fucking life worth living, man, when you dominate and own all three areas and you hit that sweet spot, that bullseye. To be the man that creates a phenomenal legacy because he has himself, his house and his kingdom in order. And he wins the second half. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two. Aha. Moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this. Because another man transformed is another family saved. Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.