177. Why Fathers Should Never Settle

This episode is brought to you by our high performance father coaching program where we help men juggle business, marriage and fatherhood to create the greatest balance and impact life has to offer. This is done with our philosophy that is at the core of achieving these phenomenal results in family, self and service, and that is investing in yourself first so you can be a true 100% for yourself, but just as importantly for those around you that you love and care about. If you're a father struggling with choosing between your work, work and your family, lacking balance and connection in your relationship, what your children need, your own needs whilst building prosperity in your business, head over to highperformancefather.com fill out the form and I'll have my coaches contact you to see how we can help you and if you're a good fit, what it looks like to join the winner's circle on the inside. But for now, take the time to yourself for yourself and enjoy this episode. Who's going first? Welcome to a special edition episode. We've got two phenomenal guests with us today. We have one of our lifetime members, Dave Weir, who also organized last, not last year, but in 2020, our Kosciusko event, which was a great success. And we are literally sitting here now in the coaching headquarters, the Eagles Nest, with another amazing event about to happen. Dave, welcome, mate.

Thanks for having me. It's good to be here again.

Yeah, absolutely. Ransom, we've also got Adam, who's a staple part of our entire organization and virtually runs. He's the head of operations and programming and ads. You're also here. You came to the first one and you're here at the second one. And mate, what are your thoughts? The new place where we're at, the layout, the environment?

Oh, mate. Well, first of all, I'm very excited because I know, you know, how much value I personally got out of last year as well as the guys. So just to be back here and, you know, being part of it again is very exciting. But yeah, just the next level we've gone to in regards to the guest speakers, the setting, the environment, all those little pieces of the puzzle that you probably take for granted in most things we do, you know, all those things we've thought of. So it's really exciting to finally be here after all the planning, to actually get to be part of the fruition and the outcomes. It's really exciting.

Yeah, it's been pretty crazy as all of you listening to this. It's been a pretty crazy couple of years, really. So quite frustrating where I think, Dave, you mentioned there's probably 50 reasons why we. I don't know if it shouldn't, but probably couldn't do this. But there's one big reason why we should, and that's, you know, if you want to sum that up into a word which might not make sense, but it does to me. It's fathers. Yeah. Providing a platform for fathers who aren't even members, who are going to see the way that we document this entire event and showcase what it's all about to win in family, self and service, what it means to be a man in the modern world, to have all the pieces of the puzzle put together to juggle the balls properly. Everything that in cases being a man in the modern world is something that we don't have a rule book or roadmap on. So when we can be shown and inspired through others, others journeys, shares, stories, when you can see that and you're exposed to that, you then start to see the possibilities and raise the level of belief inside of you. So a lot of you men who may never even be members on the inside and the inner circle, you may never even come to one of our phenomenal events. You will be able to create a shift and change in your life when you see the flow and effect of everything that we've documented in the videos, the testimonials, the interviews, and like ADS was saying, some of our special guest speakers, you're going to get access to some of that as well and some snippets which is going to help drive and inspire you to get out of your own way and change that thought process. And that's the point of this episode. That's the title of this episode, Never settling. It's not that you play the whole gratitude or I'm grateful, but unsatisfied. You don't equalize that. That's a shit way to do it. You don't equalize a positive with a negative. It's. I'm incredibly satisfied with some of the things I've achieved and some of the results I've gotten. But also I'm here with time and energy. What can we do, you know, and what is possible in my life to move forward in the right direction? Because I'm not going to settle. There's a difference between being unsatisfied and not settling. And the difference is those who settle accept a standard as being the highest point of what they'll ever reach. So when we're looking at the highest point of your life, that becomes your baseline. You accept that baseline. That's it. Yeah, that's good, mate. I've got my job, I've got this, I've got that. No, never settle. It's the default of life, is loss, is decay, is death, is destruction. Whatever word you want to use, which means you must always counter that with creation and creating. So it's hard enough as it is to try and balance out the negatives in life with the positives, to fuck yourself up and talk about unsatisfied and all the different words that pull yourself into a lower state. This is about not settling for a long period of time with something you've achieved because you're using more time and energy. You're wasting more time and energy, but you've got more time and energy to create and become more, because we can always become more. It's not that you'll never achieve the goals that you set out to achieve through the effort. It's. You'll run out of time. It's life. You could have 60 years on this planet. You could have 80, you could have 70. But I guess on that note there of not settling, never settling. Dave, do you want to run through, I guess, a bit of reflection? Because it has been because of COVID and everything that's gone on, shit's hit the fan a few times, we've had to redo it, and Kosciusko 2.0 is in 2022. But nonetheless, here we are on the eve of or right on the edge of what's going to be an amazing event. But just some reflection, Dave, because it's been, what would it be now, probably 15 months since the last time we did it, reflecting. We talk about never settling in our own lives, and we'll cover that personally. But as a tribe, what RDM is high performance, Father, which is over 12 months now, the elite program that's evolved out of RDM. And what have you seen, mate? Not only as a member, but someone who's organized both events and been an imperative part to it being successful. And this one will be successful as well. What have you noticed, mate, when we're talking about never settling and upon reflecting on the growth, the change and what's happened with rdm, hpf, and even just the events that we've. That we've now set up, the one we're about to run and the one we had.

Yeah, look, this. This event, I think we. Back in 2020, when we decided to run the first one, I think we very much approached it as. As an experiment. It was the first one first, we really wanted to try a lot of things, see what worked and see what didn't. And that, that is something that's not just for the event. That's something that Alex and the team have done with OEM as well. You know, there's a lot of. Lot of trial to continue improve. And I look at the difference between the event 2020 and the event now, and the event in 2020 was incredible. It really was. The impact that it had on the fathers that were fortunate enough to make it was quite profound, and it resonated through the entire tribe at the time for quite some months afterwards. And, you know, I'm really looking forward to seeing how this event impacts now, now that we've really ramped up aspects of the event. And as Adam was saying, you know, we've brought in a lot of expertise and a lot of support. The coaching level alone is, you know, it's. It's less than three members per coach while we're here. It's really intense and, you know, so that accessibility to expertise and knowledge is, Is, you know, one of the big step ups. And I see that also not just playing out in this event, but in RDM or within the High Performance Father group as well. Very much so. I look at where we're at now. We're running things, since I'm sure you've talked about them over lots of podcasts, you know, certain devices and tools and things we use to track our performance and keep us honest and accountable. And that accountability is just, just risen over the past 15 months between the last event and this event. And, you know, it's, It's. It's playing out now in terms of how I look at the High Performance Father, you know, unit and how that's working. It's, it's. It's just growing in leaps and bounds and not just in the number of members, but also really in its capacity to help fathers. And that's something that I think this particular trip, this, this year is kind of a culmination of that.

Yeah, I guess when we're talking about settling, like we're saying, look, the, the first event was phenomenal. It was fantastic. Like I said, I got a lot personally out of it. I've got a, like, Dave, I've got that.

The.

The privileged position of being a member and part of the staff. So I get it sort of, I get that value both ends. But, you know, if we'd have done exactly the same thing again, would. Would it have been as good? Would it, you know, so that that's where that, I guess that element of what can we do better? You know, how do we. How do we top this? We've got to continually strive for that. Otherwise, you know, every time you do exactly the same thing, it gets slightly, slightly less or slightly undervalued potentially, because we've done it before. You know, it's not new, it's not exciting, it's not something adding as much value. So we have to continue to grow and have to continue to evolve, to. To stay on the cutting edge of what we do. You know, we know that in today's society, this. This is something that what we do is so valuable and so needed, but we need to stay on the cutting edge of what people need, you know, and once we master that, we go again.

It's not about, you know, it's not about looking back with judgment on disappointment of past outcomes or experiences that we've done. It's exciting. It was fucking amazing event. So how can we do it better? Like, it actually is an exciting thing. As progressive creatures, as evolutionary creatures, we must. You all have that inside of you. And some of you listening to this. When I talk about never settle, you've probably settled. It could be in family, it could be in self, it could be in service. The three areas that make the man's life. And I want you to ask yourself that question. Where have you settled in your life? And how is that affecting your life in its entirety? Because we did an amazing job last year. Like, it was an epic event. Like, I really loved it. And then I look at this, I'm like, man, this event is going to be worlds apart. So it's not that the last event wasn't enough. That was exactly what it needed to be for the time and the stage and where we were at. Which means right now, through that progression and that pathway, we're exactly where we need to be right here and right now. With the shitstorm that we've all faced over the last six to 18 months in relevant areas. We are here. We are now. We've evolved. And this is an interesting thing, and I've made a note on this because I used to hear a couple of people and one of my old mentors used to say, how you do one thing is how you do everything. I don't believe that's true. I think somewhere along the lines that's been misconstrued or misinterpreted as I need to be on point with everything I do. It's not true. There's times where I Am I wouldn't say careless, but I could be lazy, I could be messy. And there's other times where like very few people in the world will meet the standard on a specific thing that I must have. And that's almost to a point of perfection. But this is what I believe is the true saying. It's not how you do one thing is how you do everything. It's how you do one thing can impact everything. And this is the point that I just want to peel back to what Dave was talking about. The reason why we're running a fucking amazing event here, which is 10x what we did last year has nothing to do with 12 months of planning an amazing event. Of course it took us time, Dave and Adam, and it does take time to plan these things, but it was essentially piggybacking off the back of what we've upgraded inside of our high performance father program. So how we've done that, one thing can, if you allow it and open up to it and have the flow on effect impact everything. And that's what I believe to be the truth. Not how you do one thing is how you do everything. How you do something, how you do one thing can impact everything. And the reality is not just the caliber of men we have on board, the size of the tribe, the way the tribe's getting results, the way we track the data, the way we're accountable, the coaching, the delivery, the experts, the professionals. How we've done that has created an absolute demand and desire that what we've set up now for Kosciusko 2.0, it's a non negotiable, like it's a given, it has to be. Otherwise if we had done the exact same thing, I mean, you tell me, Dave, but if I had done the exact same event we did last year, I feel like that would have been a backward step. It would have been unfulfilling, unrewarding. And I don't know, mate, I don't know how to take a backward step. I just, I can't. It's just I've not allowed myself to believe that to ever be a possibility, even since I was young. And I don't know, mate, I think if we had done that, it would have been a devolution, not an evolution.

Yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, as you said last, last year's event was perfect for the time and place that we were at. And you know, we've, we've grown and we've expanded since then. I think, I think the one constant in life for all of us as men is change. You know, as humans, it's change. So if we don't evolve, if we stay the same, we automatically get left behind. You're automatically going backwards. So I think if we'd tried to deliver exactly the same thing last time, it wouldn't have worked in the same sense that the fathers that have come through, they've expanded and grown since that event, so it wouldn't serve them. And, you know, and that's, that's what this is about. It's about seven fathers. And so, you know, there's. There's a necessity to continue to evolve and grow. And this event is exactly that. And I think as fathers, that's something we all have to keep in mind of all aspects of our life. If you're not growing, you're going backwards. The great quote from Billy Bobby is, if you ain't first, you're last. Perhaps there's some truth to that. So I think this is absolutely where we're at now, and this is perfect for this year. We're really pushing the edge. You know, we haven't tipped over the wrong way. We haven't gone too far, exactly where we need to be for this year and next year it'll be different again. You know, we can't deliver what we're doing now then, so, you know that the next event will be right for where we're at.

Ads, what are your thoughts on, I guess, carrying through after this event? We haven't done the event yet, but after this event, what are your thoughts or what do you see as being the next stepping stone? Like, how do we. Like, why. Why is an event like this important? Why is this sort of stuff important to do? You know, we're going to have a lot of footage and like I said, stuff to show you guys so you know, that we're not pretend or living in a. Living in a yacht in the Bahamas, just sending emails for online programs. It cracks me up. What do you. We've got a great snake oil range, by the way, coming out in our dad's strong store, so make sure you buy that. It's just the best. A couple on the. Couple of drops on the fingertips running through your hair. But yeah, it's revolutionary. But we'll sell them out of the back of a van only. But seriously, Adam, what do you see as the importance of this event and then what this event then becomes for? Like Dave said, actually planning the next step with our program, with our delivery, with our coaching.

I think first of all, for the guys it becomes a catalyst and for everyone it's different. And we saw that on the last event. Everyone that was here took something away, but for every single individual it was something different based off their own experiences, what they needed at the time. And I guess it's that natural progression of okay, cool. It's another element, it's another string to our bow of how do we serve fathers? So we now have this physical in person event. So that if the members may be potentially not getting as much out of the online platform as they might do through no one's fault, it's just maybe it's not clicking for them, they can engage in this and then that might just be the catalyst for them to go, okay, I'm all in. Because there might be some sort of, you know, roadblock or something holding them back, whether it's, you know, created within themselves or not. But it's just the catalyst to go, I need, I need to commit. You know, we saw Big Bueno on the last event make, you know, make the mountain. And his whole goal since then was to go, I'm going to do it again and I'm going to do it better. So for him that was, that was his catalyst. Where other guys, there was a lot of, I guess, revelations and turning points in their family that they, they took that step back and that I guess the separation from the whirlwind to be able to go, I need to commit to my family. But if they hadn't had that physical experience and the getaway and that real sort of like we talk about with the RDM ranch, which, which will come at some point is that getting off the grid and being able to separate themselves from the, the shit to see, to get clarity. And then, you know, the more we do these, these physical in person events, the more I guess clarity we get from our end to go, okay, what, what do these guys get out of this? How can we harness that to, to build in our online platform? You know, how do we then utilize these lessons that we've learned? As we know this is only the second event of this type that we've done and we've already learned so much. So as this continues to grow, it will just straight away, everything we've done in the past has influenced the whole entire program because we're learning lessons as we go. And that's again, comes back to not settling. We don't sit back and go, shit, that was an awesome event. You know, see you next year. We spent a lot of time analyzing what worked, what didn't Work. You know, we fucked the bike right off, thankfully. But all those things were like that. That probably didn't serve us the way we thought it would. So what can we replace that with? You know, we're saying yes to something and we're saying no to something else. So it's all those different elements that then come together to culminate in what serves the individual father the best. And, you know, we've got a tribe of shit, nearly 200 guys at the moment in our inner circle. And every single person's experience, whether they're physically here or not, they'll get something out of it and it'll always be different. It'll always be different for that individual. But that's. That's what we're harnessing that to find what's the trigger for every single guy and then been able to enact it.

Yeah. And then way knows if it's awesome for a man that's 170 kilos to reach the top of the mountain. That was just epic, man. So cool to see. But I'll tell you, that bike ride, I think we're setting Wayne up and my bike was getting sorted and so I was behind the pack, so I had to go up the road, the hilly part, and I had an E bike, so it's a heavier bike, and when it's not turned on, the gears sort of work against you a little bit. So the heavier bike gears against you. My legs were completely fucking blown apart. I thought I had it on. I did have it on, but it wasn't working because the electrics. The electronic dial was. Was showing. But I felt like I was back in the. I always felt like I was back in the Penrith Panthers pre season. My legs were completely blown apart and I just had that feeling. It was almost like that surreal feeling, like. I don't know, like you feel like you're about to die. Maybe you're in the jungle and you're seeing a lying running towards you. I was like, man, I don't know if I'm actually going to make it up this hill and I'm on my own and I'm not sure what's. What's going on here. My legs have stopped working. That was. That was brutal.

So I remember having to drop back to check on you.

Yeah, I remember. And there's no disrespect to one of the dads. I remember seeing him just because I eventually caught up to the pack and because I think a lot of the guys stopped and they were just kicking back and having a chat because it was a cruisy. Like it was hard because it was all uphill on the road, but was the guys weren't racing. And then when we hit the, you know, we're off road, it was good fun, but one of the guys just strolled past me effortlessly. And it wasn't that he didn't have the fitness or the ability, it's just he was doing it effortlessly and I was like, what the fuck is going on?

It was me on the E bike.

Like, what is going on here then? And then Mick, Frankie, one of the guys said, mate, just. Have you tried turning it off and on again? Typical thing, like a fucking computer. I was like, okay, turn it off, turn it on. And then it made that little whiz sound. And then game on. I had a full battery. But yes, no, we're not doing the bike this year. We're going to go out to Cascade Hut and that's an eight hour bike ride in itself. So many things we learned. But here's the problem most of you guys are facing at the moment. You lack, and this is why this event's so important. You lack the environment and the space in your life to reorganize yourself, to steady or get out of the whirlwind. As Adam said, to steady the ship, to calm the storm or get out of the storm and just have some, some peace again. To recalibrate who you are, what's important and what you want to achieve. It's that simple. Like even what I say, Adam, Dave, the words we speak, the coaches, everything we're going to be doing here is reflecting, filtering, redispersing pockets of information, nuggets of gold. So it's not that it's invaluable the way I'm just rattling this off, it's very fucking valuable. But it's absolutely your words, your life, your experience that we're reflecting, redirecting, that's going to serve you. I think we're saying yesterday. There's a lot of things that just come to mind because I'm not thinking about it, we're just thinking about the event. And all these revelations are flooding into my head and that's when the greatest ideas come. And one of them was people always have a negative statement instead of asking a positive question. This is just so fucked. Why can't I get a raise at work? Or my business is just fucking struggling. Why won't improve? Or why doesn't my wife appreciate me? Okay, My wife just doesn't appreciate me anymore. Instead of the negative statements ask positive question. What can I do about improving my relationship with my children? What can I do about leveraging time back in my life by giving up maybe a little bit of money so I can free myself from the business? And a lot of the times you guys don't have that. It's a formula. And I was wrong. I've said the formula before. And the formula was time plus energy over skill sets equals connection. That's wrong. And I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong and when I'm looking to improve and evolve, the formula is this. And the reason why I said time plus energy is because, as you guys will know, and you guys listening to this, I'm always hammering home about that because they're the two most valuable finite resources that you'll ever have. It's energy plus skill sets over time equals connection. That's the real formula. Because what you're doing when you're coming to this event is you're immersing in the right environment that's energetically recharging you. We did a workout this morning. The sun was rising, there were wallabies or kangaroos jumping around. We're out there on the gr and I know I went, I went halfway through, I was like, fuck this, I'm going primal. So I went barefoot. But it was just awesome. Like training in there. We had our dad strong resistance bands which were. Isn't it crazy how much they get the heart rate up? They are unbelievable. And we had that. We had some kettlebells and did some body weight stuff and it was just epic. So the environment and then the space, you need to have space. Whether we're creating some for you, you're creating some yourself, we're holding it together because we're in this environment. We're here for the right reasons. That space, space gives you time. That environment will recharge you and give you energy. You need to ground yourself again. So when you've got an environment and space, which are two of the big key pillars of this entire event, that's why we're holding it here in a crazy setting. Like I'm just sitting here now in this room, it's just unbelievable. Everything's going to lift. The cloak over your head will lift up and the fogginess and all the bullshit, and you will start to free yourself and liberate yourself from a lot of tall popping of yourself, the little voice inside, the self sabotage. And then when you couple that with content, you're going to start developing skill sets. The Way you think, the type of thoughts you have, the speed of thought, tying in thought and emotion, connecting facts and feelings, divvying up which one serves you, almost compartmentalizing the facts and feelings, which ones are true, which ones are unnecessary, which ones can I leverage? And that's what this is about. So when you're coming into this environment you have, you're having energy, more energy again, and recharging yourself. Energy plus skill sets over time. Well, what's the time frame like? Are you gonna set a goal to do something in 20 years when it could only take two? Not that you're cutting corners, but what are you doing? Are you fucking around? That's what I'm talking about when I say settling the energy plus skill sets over time equals connection. You're more connected to life. Your wife, your children, your work, your business, your community, your friends. But number one, the most important thing, yourself. That's a big thing, you know, like, when I'm looking at that as a formula, I believe that's one to be true. Because the time is the variable from which the energy and what you're using that energy for to develop depth or value in the skill sets. Because you can develop bad skill sets, bad habits, good habits, bad routines. It's imperative, man, to connect to life. And then that creates your experiences, creates your legacy and whatnot. But this is why you can't settle in life, man. You cannot. I'm not, and I'm sure I'll share an example after these fellows, but I'd love to ask Adam and Dave, you guys, like, when has there been a moment when you've known you've settled in life and it's burnt you? And on the opposite, when was a time when a lot of things line up? Could be family, friends, influencers, people telling you to play it safe, someone told you you should settle and you didn't. And you saw results. Looking at both sides of that coin. Dave, if you have any front and center of the mind mate, I'd love for you to share. When was the time in life that you felt like you did settle? And what did that mean? What was the outcome? And then on the flip side, what happened when you ignored the naysayer or even the naysayer inside, you didn't settle? And what was the outcome?

Yeah, I think an example for me of when I did settle was, I guess, when my. My wife and I had our first child and I settled into a routine that I thought was the best thing, best thing for. For me to do as a New father. And that was. That was work. Make sure the, you know, money was coming in, the food was on the table, et cetera. And. And I just accepted that. I didn't question it. And I thought that's what I need to do. And ultimately I really left my wife out on a limb to really raise our child, our first daughter, on her own. And she would be stressed and I would come home and I've busted out a long day and I'd be upset because she would want attention from me and I might be coming home at 8 o' clock at night and I've left at 6 in the morning. And I settled that. That was. I was doing the right thing. I never truly questioned it. And I think when you stop, take that time to reflect and you look and search for the skills that you need to evolve over time, you can make those changes. And that's certainly a thing that I look back at. And I don't have many regrets in life, but that's certainly one of them where I could have been a better husband and a better father at that time. And, you know, I own that absolutely. On the other side of the coin, I look at times when I knew that I had to work harder than everybody. Back in my earlier rugby days, you know, I was playing with a lot of very talented players and I wasn't particularly talented. I was. Just knew that my difference had to be that I was a harder worker than everyone else and I made that effort that others weren't and, you know, and that. That paid off on the field in. In ways that I didn't truly understand at the time. But I was just. I genuinely believe that to stay selected, I had to just keep doing a bit more than everybody else. And, you know, and ultimately that did pay off. And that was just continuing not to settle, not to go. I'll just train like everyone else is training or I'll just. I'll just run the same lines as everybody else is running. I'll take the easy route. You know, I knew I had to take the hard route because in my mind that was what I needed to do to be able to keep up or stay ahead.

And even your business. Unleashed adventures.

Yeah, Unleashed Experiences.

Experiences. Sorry. Unleashed Experiences. Like that's Dave's incredible at what he does with his events and. That's right. Sorry, I got a. Is a Chief Experience officer. Is that your title? CEO, so good man. So even then you can't settle on that with the women. The hope that our lockdown. No, lockdown. Lockdown. It's like, okay, what can I do? And you innovate, you adapt. So even lately, mate, because you and I work pretty closely together, in the last six to eight months, I've constantly seen you processing opportunities, what you can do, marketing, advertising, other different areas where you have skill sets, where you're innovating, adapting. I actually say that as a real modern form of not settling either, mate.

Yeah, absolutely. I probably, you know, I probably should have mentioned that first and foremost. You know, I think, you know, to all you guys listening, you know, many of us have had to adapt over the past two years. And if you don't adapt and evolve quickly, you find yourself in a pretty precarious position. You know, I went from having quite a successful business that had, you know, strong roots in travel and, you know, obviously beyond my control, external influences, you know, that that ground to a halt, and I had to move pretty quickly and adapt and evolve so that I could continue to provide for the family and, you know, do carry out that role as a husband and father as well. And, you know, I'm sure many of you are facing that. And I think, you know, just be conscious is my little tip there is just try and be self aware. If you stay ahead of what's coming, you give yourself that opportunity to adapt and change and maybe develop a skill set over time before something's forced upon you.

Yeah, great point. You hear it? Better to be prepared for an opportunity, not have one, than have an opportunity, not be prepared. There's always opportunities. They're everywhere. There are guys that we've spoken to and we've said, and we won't mention names and members, members or non members. There are guys I've spoken to were like, mate, you do this, this, and this, starting a business or not. If you did a couple of these things. And funnily enough, that was back in 2020 and the way that the tide turned middle of 2021, if they had have done that, they would be absolutely fucking thriving men, especially in the online space. But guess what? They're in an even worse position than they. Than they were before. And that, that's tough. But at the same time, yeah, you can't change anyone. It's very hard to change behavior, and it's not yours to own. You're here to guide, influence, and inspire. And that's exactly your role as a father to your children as well. But Adam, when has a time been that you've settled in life and you've felt like or possibly been burned or it hasn't turned out or you've lost time. So on, what did that mean? And then on the flip side, when you didn't settle and you went for.

It and what it means, I guess for me it's. It's really a timeline thing because basically, and we've discussed this previously and probably on one of the podcasts, but my whole twenties were basically settled because, you know, I played local footy, I hung out with my mates, we got on the piss three to four nights a week, and that was, that was it. That was for 10 years, basically. And it was only when I met my. My wife that I really snapped out of it. And I'd started around the age of 28. I'd started to think about, hang on, this isn't. This can't be all there is. And yeah, it was really when I met her and I realized that I needed to make some changes and, you know, we moved pretty quickly. So we were engaged within 12 months. Why it came along. Within two years. We'd had a hat, we bought a house. And fortunately at the time, the housing prices were pretty reasonable. So I was just a team leader in a warehouse. And, you know, I was content, but I wasn't. I wasn't really content. I thought I was, but I wasn't. And that was the, I guess the story I'd created for myself that this is what I did. I worked hard and I was proud of what I did, but when opportunities for promotions came along, I talked myself out of it. I didn't even apply. And it was only really, when we sat down at one point and we were talking about it that we thought, shit, we might sell the house because, well, we're just not bringing enough money in. And that was the catalyst for me. And even then when I did it, I didn't necessarily believe in myself, but I kind of, I guess, back myself into a corner that I needed to take some risks. So I went for a management role. And in the end, I through that again created a story for myself that I needed to. Similar to Dave, the paradigm shifted so that it was now all work, work, work. So I, you know, I probably had five different jobs in eight years, but continually leveled up in terms of what I was doing. But in that respect, I was quite proud of myself. But I never, and it's probably a different topic, but I never took the step back to look after myself and look at the holistic approach. So in a way, I was still settling for myself and my family. I was excelling in service where I hadn't probably Excelled in any of the areas. In my 20s, at least in my early 30s, I was excelling in service, I was moving forward, but I wasn't necessarily moving forward in family itself. And it was only really when I joined RDM at the start of 2020 that I. I started looking at all three circles and realizing, holy shit, I'd been settling and without even realizing it. And that was again the catalyst to really supercharge my growth again and obviously where I am now. So for me it was literally quite a linear process of growth, but there was a lot of unnecessary time wasting. I think that's the biggest thing for me. Not that I regret it because I obviously learned. I mean, I don't drink now and I think if I hadn't have acted the way I did in my 20s, I would probably still be a drinker. But I can honestly look back at that time and say that didn't serve me. And I've got a lot of examples of why that didn't serve me. So for me, when people question me, I go to a barbecue and they go, why aren't you drinking outside? I drink and then I get question. I'm like, I'm so firm in my belief because I can see the past. I'm not wavering because I know exactly what I've done and who I've been and I don't want to go back there. So, you know, yeah, I don't regret any of it. But there was definitely a lot of time wasted, I think, you know, with the growth that I showed in, you know, five or six year period. If that had been extended over really, I've been full time in work since I was 15. So if that growth had extended in that amount of time, where could I be now? I don't think I'd be in a better position I am now because I love, love what I'm doing. But potentially there would have been another opportunity and you never know. You obviously you live the life you live and you make the decisions and you own them. But yeah, I just think what, what could have been sometimes. But yeah, like I said on the flip side, I wouldn't change anything either.

Yeah, great points from both of you guys. We should probably call the episode why Fathers Shouldn't Settle. Because you're so much more invested in life as you get older, aren't you? You've got so much more skin in the game. There's so much more on the line. There are perceived and real risks that are more real than perceived because of the outcomes. What it means who it affects. But great points, guys. And this is what I love about even just this environment and having this podcast. I've never really reflected because I said to you, Dave, in the car, I don't know how to take a backward step. I'm like, well, maybe I didn't take a backward step, but maybe I did settle in areas where I didn't think I was because I was chasing, being an elite athlete. I look back, literally, and this just hit me. Which is good, because you guys gave me the time to process what came flooding in. Man, I settled with the gyms. Like, I ran gyms for nearly 10 years too long. I didn't fucking need that. Four years, five years max. Like, I was in gyms for nearly 10 years, and I wonder why. My. My life, my family, my. My business, eventually my relationships, everything started falling apart because it was just fucked. I was. It was a settling period where I thought I didn't settle because I was chasing CrossFit regionals and being an athlete. And that whole time it was a lag factor from being someone who had his career destroyed with rugby league, which left a big hole where I still needed to validate and showcase my strength, power, performance, and results to the world. And then CrossFit became the vessel. Fat kid got fit and healthy, Rugby league's the vessel. Lots of injuries up and down fringe, first grade squads, blah, blah, injured. CrossFit's the vessel. And it wasn't until I actually started repairing my relationship with myself that I could repair my relationship with my wife, my business, what I choose, what I wanted my body to go. You know, what, I'm. I'm fucking done trying to prove my shit to people. I just want to show myself what I can do and what I'm capable of. And that's where I reckon I've settled. You know, I started gyms late. Late 2011, officially 2012, the first gym opened up. And, you know, I should have pushed that hard for three to four years. We moved up the coast and then fucking, that's it, I'm out. What's. What's the next thing? Because here's the point. And a lot of you guys need to look at this. Not that it's just necessarily your career that shows this. It's all areas. It is all areas. Everything in your life is a tool. And when I settled what happened, everything fell apart because I became dissatisfied with life. I wasn't happy, I wasn't connected with my daughter, the lack of sleep, all the shit you guys know about this, unless you're a man listening to this, who isn't a father. Well, great, mate, take some notes. But, you know, it's with all episodes and not just me or my voice. It was crazy how I could see every other area of my life was affected because deep down, I'd reached the pinnacle of CrossFit. I was never going to make the games. Too large, couldn't compete with the guys. It just. I did amazing. Like, I was definitely one of the fittest in the world for my height and weight, but that was it. And that was 2015. I held on for three more years. I don't even think I was. But what happened when I look back now was I was in scarcity of money. The business was struggling, I was traveling. We had our firstborn. It was an escape. The gym and my business and what I was doing, as failing as it was, my athletic career, as steady as it was, wasn't growing, but it was steady. They're all escapes. So when I settled, I got burnt by my entire life being torn apart. But on the flip side, I'm not one to do things lightly. So not that I'm always an all in or not all in guy, but that obviously the pendulum swung way back the other way and RDM was born. So I guess we should all be grateful that my life was falling apart. Otherwise you guys wouldn't be listening to this right now, which is quite interesting, isn't it? We wouldn't even be sitting here. I would have just chosen something else and I would have resettled on a different escape. Could have been somewhere like the mines. Could have been somewhere just to patch up. Not. I'm saying this is you guys, if you are guys who are FIFO and whatnot. But for me, I could have gone for some sort of job where I might have gotten more money just to fix that spot, but still would have been an escape. Which is why I say RDM found me. I didn't find it just like hpf. And when I say that, this is what I mean about only four or five years with the gym and business. Everything in your life is a tool. Business is a tool. Your relationship is a tool. Your marriage is a tool to drive, define, redefine, and create a better type of man that you can be in your life. Your fatherhood to your children, being a father, your children is a tool. Your friends are. Everything is a tool. Just on that point, with alcohol, like when you're drinking alcohol, just to be clear, you're fucking drugging yourself, but that's it? Don't take it as a right or wrong. I don't care. Do whatever you want. When you drink alcohol, you're fucking drugging yourself, mate. Doesn't matter that it comes in colorful, you know, colorful bottles and flavors and it's, and it's legal and it's in every local store. You're drugging yourself. So when Adam talks about that, I'm exactly the same. I think last year I might have had half a cider. It doesn't mean you can't have a beer every week or this. It's just when you just subliminally or subconsciously dive into that routine without questioning it, or you're doing it in a copious, copious volume, it's not going to help you move forward. You have settled. So this is the hard part. The intricacies of life. There are so many different things that we actually settle on that we're not quite sure we're settled on. It's just part of our routine. Right. And everything in your life, Ken, will and should be a tool business. For the gyms. I just thought that's it. This is me. This is the best I can do. It serves me. I'm an athlete. That's it. Didn't pay myself for 12 months. The next 12 months was on 150 a week. We went up to nearly 20 grand in debt on rent. So all the money crim was putting in a shared account to pay the rent I was using to live off and buy supplements and food. Man, that was fucked up. Like I look at that and I'm like, man, what's, what did you think was going to happen? I didn't own the truth, I didn't own the facts. I just swept things under the rug. I focused on what made me feel good. I focused on the facts that fit the narrative. For me. Living life and being present came back and bite me in the. Bit me in the ass. That's what happens when you settle. Business is a tool. Your work is a tool, your relationships are a tool. Training and exercise, that's all of these are tools that you need to leverage to drive a greater quality life. More energy, more time, better time, better energy, better skill sets, all of that, more connection. So some of you guys might be in a business and it might make money for you. Good for you, man. Is that, is that something you want to keep doing? Have you bought your time back yet? We're still doing 14 hour days, 12 hour days, 16, 10 hour days. Like, man, I say this with respect because it's not that I'm lazy at all. And Adam sitting right next to me and he works his fucking ass off just like I do. But I don't work 10 hour days. Probably lucky to do 8 hour days every day. Like realistically, the way it works is like, what can I do to build leaders around me? Which means I pay for that, which means it's worth it because I can then be a better coach and leader and help support them more because I've got more energy. I'm not just lethargic, run down, doing 12 hour days all the time. Sometimes it's a four hour day. I love working, I'd love to do more, but also I do love that I get to take my kids to gymnastics and athletics and things like that. The time when I didn't settle that, that was my settling point and I'm just looking like, again, not that I wanted to waft on, on that, but that was literally a reflection I've had just then too long in the gyms and that burnt me. But when I didn't settle was when the pendulum came back the other way. 2018, fucking bang game. I haven't stopped. And look where we are now. Like, it's, it's crazy, man. Where we are now, where HPF is, rdm. Even our dad Strong store, that online store we have, which is just so cool, you know, like we, we've come such a long way and it's, it's incredible when I see the ops of not settling and I say this with respect because I know it's been tough, but 2020 and 2021 are two of the best years of my life. Yes, my son was born in 20, 2020 in September. So obviously that was an amazing thing and doesn't take away my other two daughters being born or meeting Corinne or marriage day. But 2020 and 2021, two of the greatest years of my life. And it's not that, like a lot of work, but it's not that long or far. It's like, okay, 2018, flip the switch. Two years of hard work and the rewards are coming. Like, it's crazy, isn't it, when you, when you look at that. But that's what's happened for me personally and for us not settling and going the other way. But I watch as we start to wrap this up because we've got the tribe rolling in now. So not that we don't want to give you guys extra time, but we got some amazing shit to do here. I guess just to finish on I want you guys to just ask yourself the question, where are you settling in life and what has that cost you already? What will it keep costing you if you keep settling in family, self or service? But just as we wrap this up while I go, give Paul Garrett a big fucking hug because he's waiting in the back room for me. Hopefully he doesn't break my ribs. Dave, not settling, taking that step, opening your eyes, taking action. What's your final thoughts or advice for guys listening who may be stuck in a bit of a rut or they've found that they've settled. And maybe they think they're content ads, but they're not when they look at all of the facts. But as we wrap this up, we'll start with you, Dave, and then, Adam, what's your advice for these guys on this topic of, you know, why fathers shouldn't settle, especially fathers as they move through their life?

Yeah, one of the ones that I hear all the time now, and I think everyone listening, you'll all hear this is when you say g' day to someone and ask them how they are, they say they're busy, they're busy. And it's, it's just to me that's settling. You know, busy is, is generally not the truth. If you need time to do something, you'll find it. And I would say that if you can find the time to, you know, really focus on what, what you need to move the dial in your life, that's, that's where you get the most results. And, and I think I look at all of us. Look, I run, I run two businesses. Adam, Adam's, you know, pretty, pretty busy as well. And Alex, we know how flat chat he goes, but we're all finding the time to grow because I can tell you now, we'll spend four days down here looking, looking to improve ourselves and continue our growth. And I'm busy. Yeah, I'll say that word, I'm busy. But if I didn't take this time, you know, I'd continue to be busy, but, you know, maybe not as productive as I can be. So I think it's quality of time that you get from investing in yourself is where the growth is for me. What about you, Adam?

Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I think for me too, this is, and this is an important lesson, I guess, for younger dads. And a lot of what we talk about and a lot of our program's geared around, I guess, winning the second half. So we're talking, talking to a lot of fathers in their 40s their 50s, late 30s. But for me, this is a lesson I really wish I'd have learned with my first child. Like he's now 8, and if I'd have been able to, I guess, take a step back and actually look at my life at the time and, and get clarity over what's actually important in advance. Not looking back in the past saying, okay, 10 years ago I should have done this. So for all those younger dads out there, and I think there are a few, really don't just take it for granted that I just need to bust my ass or I just need to put my head down. Because the minute you put your head down, you can't see what's going on around you. So you really need to get clarity. And it's fucking hard. You know, your first, second, third, fourth child, however many you've got, it's hard. But if you never, ever allow yourself time, whether it is a weekend away, whether it is just going for a walk, you need to allow yourself that time to, to take a step back, have a look around and really gain clarity over what's actually important. You know, because you see so many, so many couples split up after a couple of years, and a lot of the time it's straight after they have kids because they know who they are as, as individuals and as a couple, but they don't know who they are as parents together. So it's really important to understand, well, you know, what sort of father do I want to be? What sort of husband do I want to be to a mother? You know, what is the best way forward? Is it me working my ass off? And if it is, like, like Dave and I both spoke about, the one thing I didn't have in that period was I didn't have clarity over why I was doing it. I was working to pay the house off, I was working to pay the bills. But there was no end game. It was just, that was it, that was, that was the end game. I work to work and earn money, but it wasn't until I really understood, okay, what am I using this money for? What is the tool? How am I moving myself forward? What is the outcome actually going to, to be? And created, I guess, a path and a roadmap with clarity. So, you know, as an example, when I, when I started working with Al, I had to sit down with my wife and say, we're going to take a 50 grand pay cut, plus I'm going to need to go work at another job to make up the difference. And she's like, why the fuck would you want to do that? I said, because it's something I'm passionate about. And these are the steps that we're going to take. This is the progression, these are the potential outcomes, but we need to commit to it. If we don't commit to it, if I do it for a little bit and then go back, it's not going to work. And fortunately, I don't know, she doesn't listen to this, so I can blow smoke up her ass. But, you know, I'm very fortunate that, that my wife is so supportive that she went, okay, cool. Whatever we need to do, we'll do it and make it work. And, you know, we had those conversations where, you know, the kids will go on mental, and, and things were going up the. And we didn't have the money we'd like and things were hard. So we had those conversations, we had the arguments, but it always came back to, well, this is the path. We're on the path. And if we swerved a little bit and veered off, we brought back onto the path. And now, you know, we're starting to see the, the fruits of that, which is, you know, we're very fortunate for that, but it wouldn't have worked if we didn't commit. And if at any point, if we had it just settled on the process of where we're at, bringing it back to settling, if at any point we had a stopped and settled of where we were and went, okay, this is now the new norm, it wouldn't have worked. And that's the key. You know, anytime you take on a project or anything, any change in your life, you need to commit to it and you need to push all the way through. Because at any one of those points, as soon as things start to get a little bit good or, okay, this is comfortable, that's the risk of settling, cool, we're good now. But you've got to push all the way through to get to where you want to go.

Yeah, look, I am on, on this whole note of settling just to wrap up, just understand like you, it's not that you're not enough or you're not doing enough. That's not the problem. The problem is an anchor point or many anchor points of a belief system of yours that you don't think you can do more or do better. You have so much more you can give so much more you can do. Doesn't mean that what you're doing isn't right, you're not competent, it isn't enough. Maybe it Is maybe you are incompetent in some areas. Who knows? Like, none of us come out as fucking masters. But essentially, man, like, you are capable of so much more. Doesn't mean you're not enough. What it means is you are pulling yourself down and away from not just working smarter or harder. I don't believe in either one of those. You need both working harder and smarter, but really opening your eyes. We spoke about this on the drive down, Dave. Like, there are. It's all me. It's all about me. You're the same. Like, every person in the world just worries about themselves and their own fucking problems all the time. Like, Karina will come home, she'll tell me some sort of challenge that she has. And even me, as aware as I am when she's telling me this, I am subconsciously and actively processing. What does this mean for me? How's this affecting me? What problem do I now need to fix and what do I need to do to help it? You have that. I know you do. You're listening to this. You have that. So when you're trying to share something with your wife, it's really hard. Because the way women are wired as well, how lateral they are, is straight away you can see the worry, the concern, the doubt. When you share something where they're like, oh, fuck, what does this mean for me then? What do I need to do? When that means that you bottle it up, you don't talk, you don't share. This is a stage of settling, too. Because instead of just resting on your hands or sitting on your hands, resting on your laurels and just making statements and having negative connotations or perspectives on the way things are. Understand that there's an opportunity for the way things can be. And when you adopt that, you start to see the world in a different light, man, it's. It's. I don't think it is hard to explain. I was about to say it's hard to explain. It's not. You literally see the world differently. People think heaven and hell are. Some people think heaven and hell are biblical or something, I don't know. But they also think that it's something that's a separate place. It's not. It's right here and now you've got 8 billion people, 8 billion realities. I'll tell you what, there's a lot of them that are literally living and continually creating in a destructive pattern, hell. Just like there are also guys who are creating heaven. And somewhere in between order and chaos, the good and the bad day and night. What nullifies most of that is making sure you're stepping up to the plate to say, hey, this is my time, this is my energy, this is my life. I want to connect to life. I want to be more in life, and this is what I'm going to do about it. Not settling, not sitting on my hands. What can I do? What can I level up? What courses can I do? What experience can I get? What tribes can I have? What coaches can I be immersed around or with? What environment can I be part of? What can I do? And being resourceful, I do. I don't really follow anyone, but one thing I remember listening to probably 15 years ago from Tony Robbins was he said, it's never a lack of the resources, it's the lack of resourcefulness where most people come unstuck. That's very fucking true, man. I mean, he's obviously done amazingly well with his career and what he's done in helping people. But I don't follow anyone. I don't need him. I've got a leader. I've got leaders on the inside. All these men are leaders. I learn from them and I'm just one of the messengers. But I do remember that it's never the resources, mate. It's the resourcefulness. And the resourcefulness comes from a willingness to adapt, grow, innovate, adjust. If you need to change, throw out, bring in whatever you need to do to not be someone who just settles, but someone who actually goes and creates. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Thanks for joining us, man. And make sure you, above all else, adopt action from this. Audit yourself, triage yourself. What are the main three things I'm settling on? What can I do about it and how am I going to initiate that? With the right action and change right away. And that's a wrap. I hope you enjoyed this episode and got some golden nuggets with possibly one or two aha moments as well. If you truly loved and enjoyed what you listened to, then I want to invite you to share this episode with someone who you know needs to hear this. It could be your brother, friends, colleagues, your uncle, even your wife. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that none of us are alone in the hardships we face. But the solution to getting back on top, winning can start with a gift from someone else. And that gift could be an episode like this because another man transformed, is another family saved? Which is exactly what we're all about, thriving and winning in life. There is no alternative. It's possible. It has been done. It can be done, so it should be done. I appreciate your support in spreading this message. Cheers, mate.